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Nowadays, we are so busy that we hardly take the time to look at ourselves. When you don't take the time to stop, look and reflect, you might lose yourself or even your loved ones. When you lose yourself, trust me - it's like a little hell hole.
But no matter what happens, just know that you'll always be there for yourself when nobody can. Love yourself before you start to love others.
It might be painful now, but just know that everything will be alright.
Take some time to look into your reflection and not only look at your perfections, but your flaws as well and accept them. If you ever find yourself conflicted or lost, go find comfort in your love ones but afterwards, take a step back and reflect.
Loving and accepting yourself is the only way for you to move on and make yourself a better person.

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I finally cut my nails and bathed ahahah AFTER 2 DAYS. (nails i didn't cut for weeks)

I did something i always wanted to do but couldn't - Pierce my ears AHAHHA
as well as cut my hair which the stylist screwed it up by cutting it too short in my opinion. But honestly, When I looked at myself, I managed to move on for a while.

When i reached my aunt's house, I fell asleep. But once i woke up, the thoughts of him came rushing back. IT WAS TERRIBLE aahahahha honestly.

Now I'm just trying to distract myself from thinking about him with work but it kinda gets a little worse when I can't do my work AHAHAH

Today's reflection - moving on is always hard, especially losing someone who definitely cherished you. But even if I did became a better girlfriend, would his feelings towards her change? Maybe not.

I lost someone who cherished and love me. But what's the point of everything if he's not happy? Giving us space now made me realise that even though it'll hurt, but what matters is for him to be happy. The peircing today signified that. He was one i truly loved and didn't regret. I want him to be happy so for now, if what he really needs is space, I should start giving it to him even if i screwed it up the past few days and i can only give him space for only the next few days to think about it. Be it good or bad. Or a choice he would regret in the future, I'm thankful that he's taking the time to think this through unlike me, who always just does what I want HAHAHAH.

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Honestly, I'm at my lowest self and every time i wake up, I think about him leaving me. I honestly can't wait until next tuesday for him to tell me everything. I wish from the bottom of my heart for him to not leave me but as for myself, I know he will. I lost myself and it'll be hard for me to get myself back. I keep thinking, even if we do patch quickly, I keep thinking to myself was it really the right decision? No. It wouldn't have been. What we truly needed was space. What i needed space was to think - Am I really ready to accept what he did. How could I improve myself? How was I going to deal with both him and her if we do patch.

If we did break, the only thing I could think about is - how was I supposed to move on?

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He's choosing between me and another girl. Honestly, how i wish for him to choose me. It'll honestly kill me to know if he chose her instead. It's already hard for me not to even call or text him for the past few days. He needed space, yet, once again, i selfishly called/texted/met him. Honestly, it wont surprise me if he left me cause of my clingy-ness. I used to be 90% sure he would get back with me, but now - I'm only 10% sure. Now, i guess I'm just getting ready to accept it when he leaves.

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Honestly, when i had my boyfriend, loving myself was easy. But instead of cherishing him, I hurt him a lot to be very honest. I abused his love for me and it's really true when they say you wont regret or miss something until they are gone.

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References I've encountered

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It is important because I believe that before you can love anyone else, you need to first learn how to love yourself.

Why do you help others if you cant help yourself? Self love taught me how not to compare myself with others all the time. Since I used to be jealous of how my friends always had the freedom that they could sleepover at parties or friends houses but I couldn't cause my parents were super strict

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When I was younger, I didn't really like myself. I was fat and didn't have a lot of friends. Being young, I blamed it on my physical features. But then I told myself plastic surgery would solve my problems.

I suffered depression too when I was in school because of academics and family reasons. It was pretty bad to the point that sometimes I would think suicidal thoughts as well.

I didn't have anyone to turn to because I didn't want to be labelled as an "attention seeker" by anyone especially my friends.

I felt trapped

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I am someone who now believes that beauty differs for eveyone. To some, you could be perfect, but then again, not everyone's gonna like you. There are bound to be haters.

I'm a "narcissist" and a "vainpot" to some.

But to those I'm really close to, I love them as much as I love myself.

To myself, I love myself.

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Self love is acknowledging my flaws and try to accept them.