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The lesson is that every person lives with their own demons. When confronted with those demons, people are presented with the opportunity to choose to accept what they are given and live with it. Those who do so will never escape those demons. Those who choose to break away from those demons, and actually try to change, are the ones who can break away from their demons. Life does not favor those who are weak. Therefore, the only way to deal with our troubles is to get over ourselves and do something about them.

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It began to grow dark as I sat on one of the benches. Eventually the gentle sound of the water gave way to the rowdy cheers of the kids at the dance. I considered going back. I considered trying to have a good time, but for whatever reason, I had a feeling of utter frustration. I began to make my way from Chapel to Waterfront Cabin, a small, brown building that housed about half of the junior staff. Among those staff members was a friend of mine most of us just called him “Shredder”. It was easier than trying to pronounce his name. I think it would be safe to say that he was one of my best friends, both in and out of camp. If anyone could help me, it would be him. As I walked through the main field towards waterfront cabin, I heard it. It was the distinct shouts of the girls from across the pond. They began marching into the main field going in the opposite direction, towards Memorial Lodge. The dance had officially begun, and I had no intention of going. I continued to waterfront cabin.

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I would go on to have two more similar experiences of heavy anxiety during that time period. I’m glad that I had a friend who helped me through it. In the aftermath of this experience, I learned a lesson that I have come to build upon and live by.

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“My brother joined the Marines and I’m going to too. If you want to do law enforcement, you could be an MP.” He dropped the rest of the cigarette in the water and it hissed.

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“I feel like a failure. I feel like I’m not worth anything and that I haven't accomplished anything. The worst part of it is that I feels to angry and I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like academically, I’m a fucking joke. I’m epileptic which doesn’t help in any way. I have three older siblings. They have good jobs and went to good schools. Hell, with the exception of my mom, I’m in a family of math majors, lawyers, and doctors. What am I? I’m not interested in doing any of those things, but as it stands, I don’t have anything to say for myself”

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“Hey, what’s up?”

“Couldn’t stand to be in Memorial.”

“I don’t blame you, it’s too loud up there.”

“I need your help with something.”

“Oh? Whats up?”

“I can’t explain it, but I’m angry.”

“About what?”

“That’s just it, I don’t know.”

“Do you need to talk about it?”

“I don’t know I guess.”

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I cut through the amphitheater and took the trail to chapel. There was nobody there, so I sat on top of the stone altar and looked out at the pond. Chapel was usually quiet and relatively peaceful (as long as you don’t mind snakes). I went there from time to time, when I needed space or time to think. This time was different. I was angry, but I had no idea why. I felt like screaming at somebody or hitting something. I knew that I couldn’t do either of those. To do so would be to break the first commandment of a Wanocksett staff member, “We are professionals”. I knew that I needed to be talked down. I needed to relax and let go of the aggression.

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The Camp was a home in more than one way. Over my time there, I had met a number of people that felt more like brothers and less like friends. There was a sense of trust and understanding that most of us shared. This was also where I learned most of the skills and a lot of the work ethic that I possess.

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He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes, “Want one?”

I wasn’t sure how to react. I wasn’t surprised. I knew that some staff members smoked. There was a part of me that wanted to accept. There was a part of me that wanted to take the cigarette in hopes that it would take the edge off. I knew that it wouldn’t solve anything, though. I wish something could have. “No thanks. I don’t smoke.”

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Looking back, this was one of the first times that I seriously considered a career in the military. I had certainly never considered myself as a potential Marine. The more that I thought about, the better it sounded.