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At the age of 30, Sam Bradford quit his job to work part-time at a coffee company, where he learned the influential power of small talk. Bradford describes how authentic dialogue deserves a place in business, and that conversation between strangers can lead to infinite number of possibilities.

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At the age of 30, Sam Bradford quit his job to work part-time at a coffee company, where he learned the influential power of small talk. Bradford describes how authentic dialogue deserves a place in business, and that conversation between strangers can lead to infinite number of possibilities.

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Work with a partner to practise keeping up a conversation.
• First choose just three 'hot buttons' from the list below - topics you are especially
interested in talking about, but don't tell your partner what they are!
• Then take turns to ask each other questions from the list.
Whenever your partner asks you about one of your hot buttons, you should speak enthusiastically about the topic for a minute or so.
If the topic is not hot, then just reply very briefly and ask your next
question.
• Whenever one of you hits a hot button, you score five points. When you miss, you lose one point.
• The game ends after ten minutes or when one of you has hit all the other's hot buttons.
!!! Whoever has the most points at the end of the game is the winner.

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How kind of you to say so.

It’s nice of you to say so.

It’s very kind of you to say that.

Really? I’m not sure about that, actually.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks for your compliment.

I’m glad you like it.

I’m delighted to hear that.

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You're looking well!

Great to see you again ...

I (really) like your ... !  Where did you get it/ them?

I like your new haircut.

You have a lovely voice.

Wow, you look hot!

Cool glasses, totally suit you.

I really love your haircut. It makes you look like a movie star.

By the way, you did a great job decorating the office!

Compliments on your brilliant performance!

You’re an awesome dancer.

You sure can play table tennis. Great Skills!

I love the way you play the guitar.

You really have some special talent.

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Not very.

Not really.

Not especially.

Not exactly.

Not yet.

Not any more.

Not at the moment.

Not as far as I know.

I’m not that keen on….

It’s not really my kind of thing...

Actually, ...

As a matter of fact, ...

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Imagine the two of you are chatting at lunch/coffee break/ or corporate event.

Take it in turns to make wrong assumptions about each other using the lists as a starting point but adding remarks of your own if you can.

Examples:
I hear you're based in Moscow.
I understand you're a keen guitar player.
I believe you’re about to relocate to Switzerland.

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Write down 3 false (but believable) statements about yourself, your job, your family, your interests, your company or your country.
When you are ready, swap lists with a partner.

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Your objective is to get the other person to say 'no'.
Their objective is the same.
Use the useful expressions below to help you to avoid saying 'no'.
Whoever says 'no' first loses.

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So, how are you enjoying ... ?

Isn't this weather ... ?

Where are you from originally ... what's it like?

Am I right in thinking you ... ?

Ah, I see. So ... ?

Oh, that's interesting, because I ...

Really? That's a coincidence!

So, tell me more about ...

Well, it's been nice talking to you.

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1. Birthplace

2. Languages

3. Interests

4. Current job /employer

5.  Travel

6.  Studies

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books, clothes, family, food and drink, gadgets,
how work's going, jewellery, movies, music,
people you both know,
politics, religion, sport, the city you're in,
the hotel you're staying at,
the news, the weather, your country, your health,
your holiday plans

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 Professor Henry Higgins, "My Fair Lady"

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 Professor Henry Higgins, "My Fair Lady"

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‘stick to the weather and your health'

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- How often do you talk to people you don’t like?/ you disagree with?

- How easy is it for you to talk to a stranger? Are you a good listener?

- What do you choose- text or call?
- What does it mean "working the room" (about socializing)?

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- Not all strangers are safe.
- In harmless settings when it is safe to socialize, small talk can be both enjoyable and emotionally beneficial.
The Significance of the Superficial
-It is comforting when a friendly face asks if you want your “usual” when you walk in = we might benefit emotionally:
Research: people who engaged in social interaction with a barista by making eye contact, smiling, and talking briefly, reported more positive affect than those who simply aimed for efficiency.
Big Benefits of Small Talk
Transforming impersonal exchanges into social interactions are opportunities to boost happiness that would otherwise be missed in our quest for efficiency.
Practical Application
We can smile and make eye contact while we talk, prefacing our order with a friendly greeting. And because kindness is contagious, you may find yourself not only boosting your own mood but improving the experience of the customer in line behind you. Because happiness is priceless, why not share the wealth?

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First of all, as a career prosecutor, I will start by stating the obvious: Not all strangers are safe. If your antenna is up and you are perceiving red flags of any kind, do not engage. But in harmless settings when it is safe to socialize, small talk can be both enjoyable and emotionally beneficial.
The Significance of the Superficial
For most of us, a typical day involves spending time with family and friends, and also with strangers. Whether buying coffee, shopping for groceries, or asking for help finding a product in Costco, we routinely interact with strangers in the course of doing business. These quick informational conversations are often viewed as exactly that: simple data exchanges. Yet if that is our mindset, we may be missing out.

If you are on a first-name basis with the server at the local sandwich shop or coffee cart, you know what I mean. It is comforting when a friendly face asks if you want your "usual" when you walk in. More than a purely financial exchange, such interactions are simple, yet significant. Research corroborates this experience.

Gillian M. Sandstrom and Elizabeth W. Dunn (2014) investigated the emotional benefit of superficial social interactions.[i] Recognizing the frequency with which we interact with others through "instrumental exchanges," such as when we buy coffee from a barista, they proposed we might benefit emotionally from treating service providers as acquaintances, turning impersonal exchanges into authentic social interactions. Sure enough, they found that people who engaged in social interaction with a barista by making eye contact, smiling, and talking briefly, reported more positive affect than those who simply aimed for efficiency.

The explanation? Sandstrom and Dunn found evidence suggesting these effects were mediated by experiencing a sense of belonging, which in turn promotes happiness. It appears that although individuals may be reluctant to engage in genuine social interactions with strangers, they experience a higher degree of happiness when they treat a stranger as if they were a weak social tie.
Big Benefits of Small Talk
Sandstrom and Dunn were inspired to explore this area of interpersonal interaction in part due to previous research demonstrating the emotional significance of interacting with strangers. They cite one prior study finding that contrary to what we might expect, subjects experienced the same level of positive affect after interacting with an opposite- sex stranger as with their romantic partner. Wanting to expand on this curious result, they sought to explore how we might transform instrumental exchanges into authentic social experiences, which in turn could boost feelings of happiness.

They recruited subjects to try on their theory while placing an order at a Starbucks store in a busy urban area on a weekend afternoon. Because this transaction necessarily involves information exchanges, they had subjects in their "social" condition enhance the interaction through smiling, eye contact, and brief conversation. In contrast, study participants in the "efficient" condition were instructed to avoid any unnecessary conversation, be ready to pay, and prioritize the efficiency of their interaction.

They found that simply spending the time interacting socially with a Starbucks barista increased a sense of belonging and increased positive affect. They suggest that transforming impersonal exchanges into social interactions are opportunities to boost happiness that would otherwise be missed in our quest for efficiency.
Practical Application
Despite the priority of efficiency over sociability, treating a financial transaction like a social interaction does not necessarily take any extra time. We can smile and make eye contact while we talk, prefacing our order with a friendly greeting. And because kindness is contagious, you may find yourself not only boosting your own mood but improving the experience of the customer in line behind you. Because happiness is priceless, why not share the wealth?

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First of all, as a career prosecutor, I will start by stating the obvious: Not all strangers are safe. If your antenna is up and you are perceiving red flags of any kind, do not engage. But in harmless settings when it is safe to socialize, small talk can be both enjoyable and emotionally beneficial.

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1. Don’t multitask - be present, be at that moment or quit the conversation

2. Don’t pontificate- or write a blog if you can’t help it. Everybody is an expert in something.

3. Use open-ended questions (or stick to the journalist’s rule: start with who, what, when, where, why or how.

4. Go with the flow. Ask the questions to the point, not take them out of nowhere.

5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap.

6. Don't equate their experience with yours. It’s never equal.And all this is not about you now, but about your partner.

7. Try not to repeat yourself- it’s really boring

8. Stay out of the weeds.People don’t care about the dates, years, names, details. Don;t get stuck remembering them. People care about you, what you have in common

9. Listen.

10. Be brief

‘A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.’

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What are the top 10 tips for a great conversation?

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What are the top 10 tips for a great conversation?

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Buddha: "If your mouth is open, you're not learning."

Stephen Covey: "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply."

‘A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.’
Be interested in other people.

Go out, talk to people,listen to people,  be prepared to be amazed.

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Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED Talk

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When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don’t converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy…