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One of the earliest arguments to justify Biphobia was that AIDS could only get transmitted to straight women through Bisexual men. (which is incorrect!)

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A list of many examples of what internalized biphobia is. Many of the worries for bisexual people are concerns about being accepted in queer spaces or a need to justify their sexuality.

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cowardly-bisexual: "What people think internalised biphobia is: * inability to be proud of your bisexuality What internalised biphobia is in addition to that: * being convinced you're not bisexual...

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Bi men with HIV are ostracized by communities made for people with HIV. Bi men may also find their family falling apart after diagnosis because of stigmas around people with HIV.

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Bisexual men living with HIV in Australia reported greater levels of self-stigma, worse self-image and poorer emotional wellbeing compared to gay men. They also reported less social support and fewer connections to the LGBTQ community and to other people living with HIV. These men expressed feelings of social isolation and highlighted fears of rejection associated with their HIV diagnoses.

These findings were published by Dr Jennifer Power and colleagues at La Trobe University and published in AIDS and Behavior recently.

Men who have sex with men (MSM) comprise the majority of people living with HIV in Australia and made up over 60% of new cases in 2017. Most HIV-related research tends to group all MSM together and does not differentiate between gay and bisexual men. This means that the unique experiences of bisexual men living with HIV are often marginalised and incorporated under the broader MSM umbrella, even though they may have vastly different experiences when it comes to acceptance within the LGBTQ community, living with HIV and access to support and services.

Early on during the HIV epidemic, bisexual men were often portrayed by the Australian media as the 'villains' who transmitted HIV to women. Similarly, studies regarding HIV transmission risk reinforced the notion of bisexual men as being the link between gay men and the heterosexual world. This may have resulted in unique forms of stigma that differ to those experienced by gay men. Additionally, in LGBTQ spaces, bisexual men are a small minority, and a certain level of biphobia may be present. Thus, there may be few services specifically dedicated to the needs of bisexual men living with HIV.

Power and colleagues wanted to investigate the unique challenges that these men face, specifically related to stigma, social connectedness and mental health.

The study

Data for the study was taken from the 2015-2016 HIV Futures 8 survey, conducted with a sample of 872 adults living with HIV in Australia. This survey asked varied questions related to the participants' lives, including physical and mental health, HIV stigma, social support and connections to the LGBTQ community. An open-text question regarding experiences of feeling guilty, shameful or fearful about HIV was also included.

The authors focused on a subset of 48 men who identified as bisexual (6%) and compared these responses to the cis and transgender men who identified as gay (681 men, 87% of the sample).

Differences between bisexual and gay men living with HIV

While there were no reported differences in terms of country of birth, highest level of education and relationship status, bisexual men were on average older than gay men (55 vs 49 years old) and were more likely to report their annual income to be half the average Australian household income or less (AUD$30,000). Of those in a relationship, bisexual men were also much more likely to report that their primary partner was female.

Regarding health, the two groups did not significantly differ in terms of HIV-related areas (such as years living with HIV, use of treatment or viral load detectability). However, bisexual men were nearly three times more likely to report poorer general health, twice as likely to report poorer emotional wellbeing and were also significantly more likely to have used medication for a mental health condition in the previous six months. The men did not differ in terms of alcohol and tobacco use, but bisexual men were less likely to report recreational drug use than gay men.

In terms of social support and stigma, the two groups were similar in terms of reported resilience measures. However, bisexual men were four times more likely to report lower social support than gay men. They were also less likely to spend time with other people living with HIV. Interestingly, bisexual men were nearly four times more likely to report higher perceived levels of HIV-related stigma in all areas. These ranged from areas such as disclosure to concern about public attitudes.

As a result, higher stigma scores were associated with being bisexual, poorer emotional wellbeing, lower social support, lower LGBTQ connection and less time spent with people living with HIV.

While bisexual men did not specifically mention their bisexuality in the open-text responses, their answers highlighted a sense of loneliness, low self-worth and fear of rejection as a result of having HIV, and the challenges associated with disclosure.
"Since diagnosis, I have very rarely socialised. I very rarely leave my home." "I feel that no-one worthy will want me as a partner therefore I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am tired of being asked am I 'clean' by people who want casual sex, this straight away makes me feel like 'damaged goods'."

"Social and community connection remains a crucial and unmet need for bisexual men living with HIV."

In one instance, a participant reported a relationship breakdown after disclosing his HIV status to a partner, affecting relationships with children and grandchildren and causing a great deal of distress.

"My wife left me ... She told the two children and their partners without my knowledge and without my being there when they were told... One partner of a son is still having trouble coping with [my HIV status] and this is starting to interfere with [me] seeing my grandson".

Some bisexual men also spoke about the need to be vigilant and guarded regarding their status, as they feared the consequences of HIV disclosure - especially in settings such as the workplace. This made them fearful about sharing their status with others. Presumably, being 'outed' regarding their HIV status could also lead to being outed about their sexuality.
"Everyone talks about their issues, but I feel worried to expose my feelings like normal people. Constant need to be aware of what I'm talking about." "I have felt fearful at work of having my HIV status disclosed without my consent. I have had this happen to me and then my role at work changed after being 'outed' with weak excuses as to why."
Conclusion

"It is notable that bisexual men in this survey reported poorer emotional wellbeing, less social connection and higher perceived levels of HIV-related stigma than gay men. This suggests that bisexual men living with HIV may have unique support needs that are not adequately addressed through existing programs, and that social and community connection remains a crucial and unmet need for bisexual men living with HIV," the authors conclude. They suggest: "Mechanisms to increase social connection should be explored. This most likely includes dedicated initiatives run by and for bisexual people living with HIV given their unique experiences with respect to connecting with both the LGBTQ and HIV communities."

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Bisexual men feel more HIV stigma, are lonelier and more socially isolated than gay men

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Bisexual men living with HIV in Australia reported greater levels of self-stigma, worse self-image and poorer emotional wellbeing compared to gay men. They also reported less social support and fewer connections to the LGBTQ community and to other people living with HIV.

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This meme is controversial because with some interpretations it seems to be implying that bisexuality is a phase to becoming gay/straight. Though I think that focusing on describing ones sexuality with simple terms causes more stress as they suppress themselves to live by those terms.

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This meme making the rounds again is a really good example of how bisexuality is:
1. Imagined as a phase
2. Imagined as gender binary and cissexist, and
3. Erased through a mechanism of incorporation into the gay identity
I know people think it's funny, but it feeds into biphobia pic.twitter.com/4l4FyMx7pr
— Shiri Eisner 💖💜💙 (@ShiriEisner) May 29, 2023

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Describes how to address bi-phobia in oneself including meditation and Bi-support groups.

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I'm a big ol' fan of support groups. Is it because I'm a softie? Well, let's not rule that out. But I've definitely learned over the years it's crucial for my own mental health to have a revered, regular space where I can be vulnerable with others who share the same experience

It's also important for me, apparently, to have a place where I can rant until I'm blue in the face.

I go to a bi support group - online since the beginning of the pandemic. I know everyone is bone-tired of Zoom, but this is the safest way for a whole bunch of people across both America and other countries to regularly congregate to share, support, and laugh together.

Bigstock/Beton studio

When I started going to this group, I thought I'd hang out in the back and let others take the mic. And I still do this often. But I'm also not, by nature, a shy person. And it's super important to me to pass on hard-earned knowledge and experience to those who are newer onto whatever scene I'm familiar with - to " send the elevator back down," as Jack Lemmon used to say. That's true with actors who are new to town (I've been a professional actor for 15+ years), it's true with writing, and it's true with those who are newly discovering or exploring their bisexuality.

So there are times when I'm at this bi support group when there are people who are new to their queer experience, and I will go on a mama-bear-like rant. The group has started lovingly calling these monologues "arias."

A few weeks ago, I busted out an aria in response to someone who was dealing with, what they eventually realized, was internalized biphobia. I got into such a tear that I realized there's really an article in there, and I wanted to provide something here to those who may be struggling with that. So let's get to it!

Let's break it down: What is internalized biphobia? I don't want to assume everyone knows or is working with the terms I'm throwing around, so let's start from scratch. Biphobia is a dislike or prejudice against bi people. Internalized means it's not coming from an outside source, but rather messages you are telling yourself that were likely taught to you at one point or another.

What does internalized biphobia look like? It can take all kinds of forms, but the most common form is self-doubt. (It's important to be clear that this is different from discernment.) That doubt can often take form in metrics ("am I bi enough?" etc) and shame - like you've done or are doing something wrong.

Sound familiar?

First of all: These feelings are extremely common! I don't know one bi person who hasn't felt these types of feelings at one point or another on their journey to self-acceptance and bi pride. That puts you in incredibly good company. You are SO far from alone.

Internalized biphobia is a real thing. Like, well-documented medical phenomena real. And it blows. It blows harder than a foghorn next to your eardrum. And I'm incredibly sorry if you're feeling that way. I literally can sympathize, because those thoughts can be intrusive and harmful to both your psyche and your self-esteem.

But there's good news, too! Those feelings aren't forever. As the German poet Rainier Marie Rilke said: " no feeling is final." I know it can feel that way because, man, while those feelings ebb and flow, they flow with a vengeance.

I can tell you that it gets better. I know we've been saying that as a community on multiple fronts about our queer trauma for a good decade (and literally written songs about it). But you may want more customized help in combatting these narratives in your brain and heart. So let's take 'em head-on!

Bigstock/Wayhome Studio

First and foremost: Your feelings are valid. Your identity is valid. Bi activist Robyn Ochs often talks about five major stereotypes on bisexuality, and one of those root ideas is that "bisexuality is an unstable identity." Which is bunk! Queerness has been observed not only within the animal world (and particularly with bonobo monkeys, which is one of our closest primate relatives), but also throughout history, culture, and our stories.

"But I don't feel like I'm queer enough." What is queer enough, anonymous voice in our heads? Is it a body count so high across the genders it'd put former NBA players to shame? Is it having a septum piercing AND cuffing our jeans every chance I get? Is it an obsession with frogs? Doesn't this all seem like a lot of impostor syndrome with goalpost-moving? It does because it is. A few years ago, a straight dude insinuated I wasn't bi because of my sexual history (which was none of his goddamn business anyway), and I shouted him down with "I don't need to bang a man and woman at the same time in front of you to prove my sexuality."

That shut him up pretty quick.

"Things would be so much easier if I was straight/gay." Would it, though? Or are there already established communities, structures, courtship rituals and stories in place that make it seem like that's the case? What I often ask people who are saying this is the following: If being bi was, instead of marginalized, as normalized and accepted as being straight as a post, would you still feel the same way? That often gets them (and hopefully you) to realize that there's a lot of social pressure and accepted societal roles that are making you feel less-than, when you are anything but.

"But I haven't had any experience with anyone my gender/another gender." Do you think a straight person ever asks this about themselves, if they don't have experience? Nope. You don't have to have any experience with another person. Bisexuality is about attraction, not action. Once more for the cheap seats: it's about attraction, not action. You're still valid if you're ace or haven't had your sexual debut with anyone yet or you have twenty notches on the bedpost and they're all with one gender. It's all good, buddy!

Okay, I know I've gone over a few of the common phrases, and I haven't caught all of them, but let's go over some other tactics.

First is awareness of this voice. Whose voice is that saying these things in your head? Is it yours? Your mother's? Some dude at the bar? It might be someone you normally heed. Try a mental exercise of putting that same phrase into the mouth of someone you detest or whom you can never take seriously. (Feel free to borrow mine: I put those words in the voice of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons: since the guy is such a hater with zero life experience, I can't take anything he says seriously.) You'd be surprised - it's jarring at first, but your brain re-learns the neural pathways and it gets easier to practice it. Think of it as a form of self-love.

The next tool I use is recognizing conditional thinking. The saying goes, "Your first thought is what society has conditioned you to think, the second thought defines who you are." I don't think we need to go to quite that extreme, but there's a lot of truth in this. There's a lot of people who would profit off of internalized biphobia because you owning your power doesn't benefit them, doesn't fit, and isn't something that works with their narrative. Your second thought - if you give yourself time to reflect on the first biphobic thought and not just accept it as true - is much more likely to be a lot kinder. That's the one we want to focus on; the more compassionate part of you that realizes that these false metrics and rivers of shame are complete bullshit. Think of how you'd react if you heard your best friend talking to herself the way that the first thoughts did. Your reaction and how you'd kindly be there for her is what we're going for here, but instead, we're befriending ourselves.

If you're into meditation, try to practice thoughtful acknowledgment of these intrusive, harmful thoughts - much like this analogy of watching cars on a freeway. That perspective will be hard at first, but it can and will grow over time.

It takes time to de-program this biphobic stuff from your brain. It's okay; be patient and gentle with yourself. And know that trip-ups will happen; I still sometimes have stuff crop up and I've been getting paid to be bi here and talk about bi stuff for almost five years! It's all part of the journey, babes.

Okay, so we're going beyond ourselves to outside sources of assistance. This is okay and important, too! Too much rattling around in our own brains can be counterproductive. Do you have friends you can talk to? A bi discord you can hop onto and talk these feelings out with? A library with resources? Is your therapist LGBT-friendly and do you feel safe talking to them about this stuff? How about... wait for it... a bi support group? It's good to talk these feelings out. Trust me on this one.

I know it's hard. I really do. We live in a binary-thinking society: good/bad, gay/straight, black/white. We know that there's much more of a spectrum of experience and nuance to our lives. Just not that everybody has caught up to that with sexuality. They will. But in the meantime, I hope these points can help you sort things through. You are worth taking care of.

Okay, so that concludes my "aria" on acts of self-care with internalized biphobia. Much like the arias I do at my support group, it's not perfectly organized or exactly worded. But I'm talking to you the way I talk to those I love about. Because you are so very, very loved, and valid, and bi as the day is long. And that's worth singing about.

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Let's break it down: What is internalized biphobia?

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People tend to think that because someone is in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that the person have become straight again but they remain attracted to other genders as well.

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Wow a bisexual girl has a boyfriend?!?
Bisexuals are so confusing to Melanie.

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Wow a bisexual girl has a boyfriend?!?
Bisexuals are so confusing to Melanie. https://t.co/q7uPahZPfu

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Wow a bisexual girl has a boyfriend?!?
Bisexuals are so confusing to Melanie. pic.twitter.com/q7uPahZPfu
— GC Biphobia (@GCBiphobia) July 25, 2023

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Wow a bisexual girl has a boyfriend?!?
Bisexuals are so confusing to Melanie. https://t.co/q7uPahZPfu

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Wow a bisexual girl has a boyfriend?!?
Bisexuals are so confusing to Melanie. https://t.co/q7uPahZPfu

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Wow a bisexual girl has a boyfriend?!?
Bisexuals are so confusing to Melanie.

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APA Mental Health Facts on Bisexual Populations

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Bisexual people are more likely to consider suicide than gay people. The APA says that this is tied in with the fact that Bisexuals are 50% more likely to be bullied for their sexuality than homosexuals.

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Bi-erasure means that people who are Bisexual often get described as gay or straight depending on who they're dating. This is because many see bisexuality as a "stepping stone" to deciding ones sexuality.

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Would you rather find out your boyfriend is bi or cheating?

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Would you rather find out your boyfriend is bi or cheating?

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This tweet records women answering if they'd rather find out their boyfriend is cheating or bisexual. Many of the women who say they don't want a bi boyfriend say that they're concerned about them cheating with men or they don't want to imagine them with men.

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We asked 20 women Would You Rather Find Out Your Man Is Cheating or Bisexual?
#TheeSocialExperience

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We asked 20 women Would You Rather Find Out Your Man Is Cheating or Bisexual?
#TheeSocialExperience https://t.co/zh0R5peTly

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We asked 20 women Would You Rather Find Out Your Man Is Cheating or Bisexual?#TheeSocialExperience pic.twitter.com/zh0R5peTly
— Mr. Moana (@Corby_Corbs) April 14, 2022

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We asked 20 women Would You Rather Find Out Your Man Is Cheating or Bisexual?
#TheeSocialExperience https://t.co/zh0R5peTly

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We asked 20 women Would You Rather Find Out Your Man Is Cheating or Bisexual?
#TheeSocialExperience https://t.co/zh0R5peTly

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We asked 20 women Would You Rather Find Out Your Man Is Cheating or Bisexual?
#TheeSocialExperience

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1. Bi men are just gay

2. Bi women are straight and "having fun"

3. Bisexuals are cheaters

4. You're not bi unless you give women head (what???)

5. Bisexuals are greedy (based on the idea that one gender "isn't enough")

6. Bisexuals are more likely to carry STIs

7. Bisexuals are looking for sex, not love

8. Bisexuality isn't real

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Aside from the obvious definition of "myth" (you know, the one pertaining to the ancient heroes and gods of yore), there are a few more definitions to consider. My online dictionary says it is an invented story or idea, or a false collective belief that is used to justify a social institution. Good ol' Merriam Webster calls it a popular belief or tradition that has grown up around something or someone, or a person or thing having an unverifiable existence. The bottom line is that myths, while sometimes popular, are not fact.

Below I have listed a handful of myths pertaining to bisexual women that I have encountered over the past few years. Some of these are common, while others are new to me, thanks to the world of Twitter, in addition to comments on my last essay, " Being Bi in a Gay World." Perhaps you identify with one or more of these myths, whether it be you, personally, or someone you've encountered. But just because you can relate, does that make it fact? I challenge the following myths, and I encourage you to do the same.

Bisexuals are just gays with one foot in the closet. I cannot tell you how many times my friends, even those closest to me, have accused me of this. Subtly, quietly, they ask, "Are you sure you're not gay?" Or there are the less subtle, more direct friends who suggest in their usually loud and forceful voice, "Why don't you just admit that you're gay?" These are people I have known for over a decade, so I'm always baffled that they would think I'd lie to them. If I were younger, maybe, less sure of myself, then I'd be more understanding of the bisexuality-as-a-gateway-sexuality idea. Of course, that may be an accurate assessment for many people who are not ready to embrace homosexuality, but it isn't for all of us! It's not about having one foot in and one foot out; it's about not being boxed in by four walls.

Bisexual women are straight girls having a fun dalliance or two before running off with a penis-swinging man. I have met quite a few women, both virtually and in real life, who have flat-out said they would never let themselves be interested in me, or any bisexual woman. It seems a little harsh, but many of these women have been burned in the past by this very scenario. Maybe some bi girls go into it knowing that they want to end up with a man, what some people would label "taking the easy route," considering the benefits afforded heterosexual couples by both a more accepting society and government. But maybe, just maybe, if your ex-girlfriend proceeded to date a man, it was because she fell in love with the person, and not the promise of an easier path to institutionalized marriage.

Bisexuals are more likely to cheat. Frankly, this adage shocks me. I was genuinely flabbergasted the first time I heard this uttered, and even more shocked when I dug around and discovered that many people spout this as truth. There is no legitimate study proving this, nor would it be easy to attain accurate results if one was to perform a study, but it appears that this myth is touted in cities all over. Come on. Do I even need to spend time refuting this myth? If your bisexual boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you, I'm sorry; I don't wish that on anyone. Please don't let that taint your view on a group of people as a whole.

You're not bi unless you go down on girls. This is to say that merely being a recipient of oral sex does not qualify you; you actually have to perform it. Does that mean a girl isn't straight until she gives a guy a blow job? This "myth" is more of a segue into a larger discussion on whether it's whom you love or whom you have sex with that defines your sexuality. I will not be delving deeper into this topic today, but I wanted to include a reference to it, because it is a common saying when arguing about bisexuality.

Bisexuals are greedy. Ugh. Who is behind these trendy sayings?

Bisexuals are more likely to carry diseases. This is downright hurtful, and offensive.

Bisexuals are looking for sex, while lesbians are looking for love. I know many bisexuals (including me) who are searching for love and romance. I also have some lesbian friends who are on the prowl for one thing only, and it isn't a soulmate. Then there are the girls who think they only want sex but stumble upon love, whether they be bi or gay (or straight, for that matter). This is a blanket statement that really does not make sense, considering that people are constantly changing their goals and dreams in the world of sex and relationships.

Bisexuality does not exist. If you actually believe this, I fear any argument I assert will be futile. Again, ugh.

In my own life, I have friends on one side telling me that deep down they know I'm gay, and that they'll be waiting with open arms to hug me when I'm ready to admit it. On the other side, many of my friends have confessed that they've always thought I was straight and just figured I'd eventually find the right guy to remind me. Both parties think they know me, "deep down," which can be interesting, flattering, amusing, and frustrating all at the same time. Why can't they just accept me and take what I say as the honest and only truth?

There are a multitude of people trying to convince their friends or the world online that bisexuals fall under these "truths" or flat-out don't exist. I am bisexual, and none of the aforementioned myths apply to me. In fact, I find many of them to be insulting and grossly offensive. Let's stop with the generalizations and start looking at people as individuals part of a great community.

Related

bisexuality Bisexual myths about bisexuality bi queer voices

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I have friends telling me that deep down they know I'm gay, and others who have confessed that they've always thought I was straight and just figured I'd eventually find the right guy. Why can't they just take what I say as the honest and only truth?

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Why bisexuals date the opposite sex more.

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Why bisexuals date the opposite sex more.

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People sometimes use the argument that bisexuals often end up in "straight" relationships to state that bisexuality isn't real. But actually bisexuals date the opposite sex because there are simply more straight people than queer people to date.

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When I started dating a woman for the first time after years of happily dating men, I had a go-to joke ready for when I was called upon to explain my sexual orientation to the confused: "I'm half gay. Only on my mom's side of the family."

I'm one of those people who'd always misguidedly "hated labels," and I actively eschewed the term "bisexual" for years. I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, "bi" was also indicative of a gender binary I didn't believe existed. I've since come to understand that actually, the "bi" implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one's own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. These days, I wear the "bisexual" label proudly.

Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I'm in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight-just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.

Dan Savage once observed that "most adult bisexuals, for whatever reason, wind up in opposite-sex relationships." Whether or not you're a fan of Savage (or his sometimes dubious takes on bisexuality), the statistics support his assertion: The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only 9 percent are in same-sex relationships.

As someone who has spent way too much time convincing people-gay and straight alike-that my bisexuality actually exists, that "for whatever reason" modifier of Savage's has long vexed me. What is the reason? Because on the surface, the fact that 84 percent of bisexuals eventually wind up in opposite-sex partnerships could appear to support the notion that bisexuality is, as people so often insist, actually either "just a phase" or a stepping-stone on the path to "full-blown gayness." Knowing that wasn't true, I decided to investigate.

Some of my initial suppositions included internalized homophobia, fear of community and family rejection, and concerns over physical safety. Although being bisexual doesn't necessarily mean you're equally attracted to multiple genders, it does seem feasible that these sorts of concerns could push a person with fluid attractions in the direction deemed more socially acceptable.

Although there's a dearth of research into whether these factors are actually prompting bisexuals to choose relationships that appear "straight" to the outside world, there's no shortage of research revealing that bisexuals live under uniquely intense pressures within the LGBTQ community: In addition to facing heightened risks for cancer, STIs, and heart disease, bisexuals also experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, and are significantly more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors or attempt suicide than heterosexuals, gays, or lesbians. It isn't difficult to imagine that for some, the promise of a bit more social currency and safety could be compelling reasons to seek out an opposite-sex partner, even unconsciously.

But there's actually a much simpler, more obvious, and more likely explanation for the reason so many bisexuals wind up in opposite-sex partnerships: The odds fall enormously in their favor.

Americans have a well-documented tendency to drastically overestimate the percentage of queer folks among us. Polls have revealed that while most people believe LGBTQ people make up a full 23 percent of the population, but the number is actually closer to a scant 3.8 percent. So not only is it statistically more likely more likely that a bisexual person will wind up with a partner of the opposite sex; it's equally likely that they'll wind up with someone from the over 96 percent of the population who identifies as straight.

As anyone currently braving the world of dating knows, finding true love is no easy feat. There likely aren't a ton of people on this planet-let alone within your geography or social circles-whose moral compass, sense of humor, Netflix addictions, dietary restrictions, and idiosyncrasies sync up with yours closely enough to make you want to hitch your wagon to them for the long-haul (and the internet is making us all even picker). Add to that the fact that due to persistent biphobia, a large number of gay men and lesbians still flat-out refuse to date bisexuals, and it becomes even more apparent that the deep ends of our relatively narrow dating pools are, for bisexuals, overwhelmingly populated by straight people-folks who, for bi women at least, are also more likely to boldly swim on over and ask us out.

It's also worth keeping in mind that although plenty of bisexuals enjoy monogamy, not all people in committed relationships choose to be monogamous. Bisexuals in committed, opposite-gender relationships (including marriages) may very well have arrangements with their partners that allow them to enjoy secondary relationships with members of the same gender.

That said, we have to remember that even within monogamous opposite-sex relationships, if one or both parties identify as bisexual, that partnership doesn't invalidate anyone's bisexual identity-after all, we'd never tell a gay man practicing abstinence that he "wasn't really gay" just because he wasn't currently sleeping with men.

Ultimately, a relationship with a bisexual in it isn't ever really "straight" anyway-by virtue of the fact that there's at least one person in there queering the whole thing up. At our best, bisexuals are queer ambassadors: We're out here injecting queer sensibilities into the straight world, one conversation and one relationship at a time.

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Why Do So Many Bisexuals End Up In "Straight" Relationships?

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When I started dating a woman for the first time after years of happily dating men, I had a go-to joke ready for when I was called upon to explain my...