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Will Trimiew - One of the surprising elements is the depth of connection between a parent's own emotional experiences and the attachment patterns they create with their child. Our unresolved childhood experiences can shape the way we parent, which is surprising but also believable just from personal experiences. They emphasize that self-awareness and reflection on one's past can significantly influence the emotional environment we create for children. The common belief that infants are too young to be affected by their parent's emotional states is an interesting take. According to Siegal, even at a young age, infants are sensitive to their caregivers' emotional and relational dynamics. This contradicts the idea that babies are mostly unaffected by their environment until they are older. The advice that is often given to new parents is to let a baby "cry it out" to avoid spoiling them. Attachment theory argues against this because of the idea that responding to a baby's cries could make them dependent. Being responsive teaches them that their needs will be met, doing this promotes a stronger sense of security and trust

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I was excited this week to learn more about attachment theory. I have some background knowledge from previous courses I have taken, but this week's reading was a great refresh for me and I even learned new things. Attachment theory is even a concept I have been thinking a lot about beyond this class as my daughter is 18 months old right now: developing her own attachment style. Something as a new parent I have heard a lot about is the "cry-it-out" method, particularly when my daughter was under one. I remember hearing lots of advice to let my daughter just cry for a certain amount of time then to check in on her. Based on the reading, this directly goes against the attachment process diagram. Babies who cry and have a parent that responds insensitively, will lose trust in the caregiver. Babies use crying as communication and are too young to be "independent."

Something from this reading that has surprised me was that insecure attachment are linked to higher cases of physical disease, not just mental health issues in adults. I was surprised to know that it could manifest as physical issues. I naturally assumed depression or anxiety would have an increased incidence; however, health issues such as diabetes or strokes was a shock.

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It surprised me to learn that attachment to infants is what shapes how they think positively and negatively about theirselves and others later in life. It makes sense thinking about it now, but I did not think about situations from being so young (in the utero-infant stages in life), before children can even speak, could really affect their feelings about themselves later in life. I guess this is why though that it makes since that those who grew up in rough households never really get out of that cycle. It is not that they want to be like their parents, but that they truly do not believe they deserve more. Some advice that I have heard people give new parents that goes against the attachment theory is to let them "cry it out". Meaning that if the child is inconsolably crying, just leave them alone to cry. After reading the workbook I feel like this really breaks that trust in the attachment theory and bond because this child that is clearly bothered by something, is being ignored by the one person they look to while they scream and cry. Another one of the debunking myths that I have heard frequently is that "holding the baby will spoil it". I do not believe this because after reading the workbook pages I have learned how important this can impact positive outlooks for your child in every time of relationship.

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From reading the book PFTIO, I found several things interesting. I found the four categories of attachment to be one of them along with the different types of communication patterns. Bonding with a child before birth is important as well as day one when they are born. Children in utero can begin hearing as early as 16 weeks if not sooner. The podcast is what I found most interesting for the most common myths are what I have heard before. It was surprising to hear that Emmit Holt was known for being "the father of pediatrics" and that the cry-it-out method was preached. Considering this was back in the late 1800s, I was shocked to remember my pediatrician giving me the same advice in 2008, stating that crying it out was good for my son and it would help build strong healthy lungs, as well as teach them to self-soothe. I am guilty for I had done this before and this lesson makes you think as a parent and reflect on the choices you make as a parent back when mine were little. Another myth that I often heard was that constantly holding your child would spoil them and make them clingy and less independent when in reality it is beneficial for children and it does the opposite by helping them learn trust and encourages them later to explore the world more. This increases independence in the later years. The biggest takeaway from this lesson was how to create a secure attachment and that it is not ever too late for parents to learn and change. PFIO states, "Secure attachments are associated with positive developmental outcomes which include social, emotional, and cognitive domains."

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I find it interesting that I had to relearn everything I knew about parenting from my parents after I had a child. I remember having my son and my mother telling me not to coddle him or give him extra affection because that will make him more "girly". Granted I had my son in 2008 and as they say the times were different somewhat. I believe that attachment is super important and I had a hard time with this as a parent. My son was unplanned and I do not believe at the time that I had him, I was built to be a mother. I had the worst and most rocky relationship with my parents and I did not have the best role models when it came to parenting. I had to relearn how to give affection and give my son what he needed.

I believe what surprises me the most is that to this day people still believe that children having a secure attachment to their mothers or parents in general makes them overly sensitive when the documentation and research states that children become depressed and have a higher risk of diseases when their parents are detached. I do not think I was surprised by the information in this reading very much. I did however not realize that the bond started so early when you are pregnant. I always felt bonded but are not 100% sure that the bond actually is happening then.

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One thing that surprises me from this weeks workbook reading was the correlation between insecure attachment and depression. I think the reason this surprises me is the effects of depression in children so young. Although, it really makes sense I just never thought of depression/depressive symptoms in toddlers. As the workbook explained, when parents respond too slowly to their child in destress, they begin to feel inadequate.

As far as me reading anything that goes against what I know about infants, I haven't really disagreed with anything. As I have no kids I am truly just learning, which is great as I dream of having a family one day.

Sometimes I hear people saying just let them have a temper tantrum in the other room and not speak to them until they are cooled down and in control of themselves. This goes against what I learned. Leaving a child in a distressed state for too long or even just too often, without consoling them, can actually cause permanent damage to their brain development.

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Parents must work hard to be in tune with their children. I liked how Rosier talked about what secure attachment looked like and said it's when parents allow their children to have ups and downs in life while always still being there to catch the child if they fall. In the podcast, Lauren explained that even with a secure attachment, anxiety can come out and put a cloud over herself, her relationships, and other people. It makes sense that everyone experiences attachment anxiety or attachment avoidance. It is important not to become consumed by this anxiety and avoidance. I thought it was interesting to hear about the effects of favoritism on a child. It is something that strains relationships with parents, siblings, and other family members and can have a lasting impact on an individual mentally. I was somewhat surprised that the "attachment bond developing process can begin as early as in utero. (pg. 9)" It is important at this stage that the child hears sensitive loving sounds to begin feeling safe about the world outside the womb.

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While reading this information, I was surprised by the connection between attachment and self-esteem. Although the connection is logical, it is an idea I have not spent much time thinking about before now. It makes sense that a child forms some of their sense of self through their connection with their parent.

I was told that the "cry it out" method was the best for infants so that they learned how to soothe themselves. I felt more comfortable with attachment parenting. However, I felt so insecure that I didn't want to parent "wrong" so I listened to those advice with my oldest child especially. I realize now that I made her "cry it out" partially because I needed a break rather than because I truly thought it would benefit them. I wonder sometimes if the difference in my kids' personalities are founded partially in the way I parented them each differently as I grew and learned as a parent.

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One thing I was not exactly surprised on, but confirmed for me, was that there is attachment that begins in utero. Both of my pregnancies as early as 6 weeks i began singing more, reading stories out loud, and talking to my babies while they were growing inside. I was always told that a connection would occur between mother and baby when do things like this. Both of my boys appeared to have an immediate reaction to my voice once they were both born, and I was one of the few that was able to comfort them. Yes I believe this happens because I am their mother, however also because of the constant of trying to build a " bond" with them as they grew during pregnancy.

One thing that I was surprised by was " secure kids tend to have less extreme reaction to stress". I myself grew up in a very stressful environment. From instability, violence, yelling so much. But as a young adult into adult hood I have found that I seem to handle stress well and in a more calm way then some of my friends who grew up in a more secure environment. One friend in particular gets very anxious and overwhelmed in a stressful situation, not knowing how to handle things or her feelings.

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I was surprised to learn that it was only in the 1940s that Drs in the hospital began allowing parents to stay with their children who were sick. I understand that we have advanced as a society in our understanding of children and attachment knowledge in the last century, but I am surprised that hospitals would have been inclined to keep children away from their parents at such a vulnerable age and time for them. I would think that it would be almost instinctual to keep parents near children in their time of need. Additionally, I am not surprised to learn that it is not healthy for parents or caregivers to allow their children to cry it out, but I am saddened because I allowed my first child to cry it out at bedtime and I am regretful of that. However, I recently learned that our brains are capable of rewiring and growing to heal the trauma or damage that was inflicted upon a person at an early age. I can work with my eight-year-old and hopefully it's not too late to help her get over that. Advice I have heard people give new parents that goes against attachment theory is to allow children to cry it out and not attend to their every need and call for help. It goes against everything we have just learned. However, with that being said, attending to children in infancy can become exhausting and in times where a parent or caregiver is overwhelmed and cannot reason with their self, that is a good time to let the child cry and choose to walk away and get some space to allow yourself to calm down and alleviate stress in order to protect the child from an exhausted parent. So, in some ways I understand why a person would suggest this.

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Surprisingly, the attachment bond develops as early as 18 weeks of pregnancy. A fetus at 18 weeks can hear and must be hearing a positive environment. Gestational babies are forming an attachment bond. The bond that a child forms in early childhood with a primary caregiver is the foundation for a child's thriving in life and the relationship that will be built and maintained in all aspects of life. Internal working models create attachment bonds in a developing infant's brain. Learning about internal working models made me sad because I know a few people who have abandonment issues from their childhood, which means negative attachment bonds were formed at just a young infant. Trust is the foundation of a secure attachment for the child and the caregiver. A secure attachment allows a child to know that they're safe and loved. A caregiver who is insensitive to their child's needs will cause the child to be in distress and no longer rely on that parent to accommodate their emotional needs. I knew it was important for a pregnant mother not to be stressed because it can impact a developing fetus's emotional development. Still, I was surprised that a secure attachment is developed before a child is born. The advice against attachment theory to new parents is holding your child "too much" or letting them "cry it out." I never understood why parents thought this was helping a child's development. Babies look to their caregivers to feel safe and loved when they cry because they can't express it. Babies aren't just crying to be crying if they don't need a diaper change or are hungry.

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What really surprised me from Dr Rosier's workbook was that an attachment bond can develop as early from 18 weeks of pregnancy up to possibly 3 years of age. This period in a child's life is crucial to creating a healthy attachment bond by their caregivers. I have always heard that parents should begin to talk to their babies while they are in the womb so that the baby can become more familiar with their parent's voices, but I was not aware it is encouraged so that a secure attachment bond is developed. It has been very interesting to learn that depending on how the caregiver responds to a baby's distress can impact them in their adulthood in different aspects in life from their romantic relationships to their social interactions. An advice that I've heard so often that goes against the attachment theory is "letting the baby/child cry it out" which usually is backed up by people advising it is good to let them express their emotions; "it is good for them", which clearly is a myth and Dr. Rosier clearly illustrates the negative effects this can create an a individual's life. I am not a parent yet, but reading about the attachment theory has given me a profound perceptive not only on parenting but in child interaction as a whole in all environments. I do agree it is important to learn and to explore healthy behaviors before becoming a caregiver, and while being a parent too, so that it enables a healthy- secure attachment bond in child-development.

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I was really surprised to learn that attachment bond can start the developing process as early as in utero. I knew a baby grows use to their mother's voice because of hearing them all the time but did not realize it went deeper then that with attachment already beginning. I don't think there is anything wrong with a child being attached to their parents. I feel it gives the child the sense of love and security that they need. I do not agree with the cry it out theory that some people believe in, to me that sets a negative effect on the child. I know some people use to tell my husband and I to let our children cry it out that it was better for them, but we never did that as we did not feel it was right. I know everyone has different looks on ways of parenting. I was a stay-at-home mom until my youngest was in school. My kids were very attached and never went with a babysitter when they weren't with us, they were with family. To me this helped them know the people who loved them, and it also gave me piece of mind knowing they were in good hands. Did they act different around new people and cling to us, yes but that was okay with us.

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Dr. Rosier's opinion on babies self-soothing surprised me. Most information about parenting is wrapped around loving your child more than yourself and making sure they know they can count on you consistently. I believe that is common sense. However, I realized today that I have also believed in something that is contradictory to this. I was of the opinion that allowing babies to "cry it out" was okay sometimes. I am a big supporter of teaching children independence and self-regulation early. I think I assumed that babies could learn it, too, and by allowing them to cry a little, they would learn to "self-soothe" and tough it out. After listening to the podcast, it makes so much sense why that DOES NOT work. Infants are not developed enough to know how to manipulate their parents. Trying to teach them independence is ridiculous. They only cry when they need something. By ignoring an infant, you are breaking their trust and confusing them. Babies cry when they need help, and by ignoring them you are denying them help. This lesson has convinced me that it is damaging to let babies "cry it out" and not beneficial.

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One thing I found surprising is, "secure kids tend to have less extreme reactions to stress." It talks about how they are better at coping with stress from their experience. Why I find this surprising is, some of my friends who grew up with a difficult childhood are some of the most secure and hardworking people I know. I imagined they handled stress well because of their childhood, they are able to create a new story. Those in a secure household may have the support and love but I assumed that could possibly make it harder to deal with a difficult situation and stress. I always thought that letting your baby cry it out from time to time would help them learn self soothing. I did not think this would cause a negative internal working model. After reading this, I am learning that can cause more damage than good. It teaches, how children are more in-tune with their emotions and have a better understanding of how to regulate their stress. Attachment theory emphasizes the importance of responding to your child for a healthy bond and emotional development which will benefit children in the way they handle stress in the future. Also, building trust and security in their development. I am taking what I have learned and can share this with my soon to be parent friends.

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One thing that I found interesting/surprising about the reading was that the mannerisms a caregiver responds to their infant can determine attachment styles. For example, the reading states, "When a caregiver is consistently sensitive and quick to respond to their infant's in destress or bids for affection, that infant uses the trust built to develop a positive relationship which in turn creates a secure attachment bond." I found that very interesting/surprising because there's a debate of whether parents should always check on their infant when crying or allowing them to "self-soothe." I never thought of the perspective that if caregivers insist on checking their infant, that could produce an insecure/anxious attachment style because "oh if I cry, they will come." I also liked how the reading provided a visual of the attachment process in two different approaches with vast differences in how the relationship between the caregiver and child is vital to the developmental process.

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As I reviewed my notes from the podcast and accompanying reading on attachment, nothing stood out as surprising, per se.  What it did do was provide science and a framework for understanding how physical and emotional connections can positively impact child development.  The process of attachment is not perfect; it does not guarantee the perfect child, but it can help them develop stronger socially and emotionally and perhaps avoid the development of certain disorders such as oppositional defiant and conduct.

I found attending to every cry interesting. I recall several instances where friends would dismiss their baby's cry, saying, 'Let her/him cry. It is okay. They need to learn to sleep when it is time.' Or, 'If I attend to them every time they cry, they will come to expect it.' These types of responses can lead to the baby losing trust, viewing the caregiver as unreliable, and perhaps actually hinder their self-regulation.

Attachment theory teaches us that we must attend to a child's needs. If we cannot reach the child immediately, we should speak to them calmly until we can attend to them in closer proximity.  Responding quickly, warmly, and consistently helps develop attachment.