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My grandmother and great aunt cooking traditional Mexican food for a family gathering.

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My grandmother was born in Mexico and immigrated to the United States as a child. Growing up within the Mexican culture, I grew up eating traditional Mexican foods, speaking my families native language and enjoying the customs of my culture. However, I also got to see the negative aspects of my culture. It is no secret that sexism and homophobia run rampant within my community. Machismo is a big idea, allowing toxic masculinity and sexism towards women to grow. For example, Mexican fathers treat their sons very harshly when compared to their daughters, holding them up to unrealistic standards. As mentioned in, "The Waves of Feminism, and Why People keep Fighting over Them, Explained," by Constance Grady, many women are expected to do the household chores and are not treated equal to men, a problem that was especially focused on in the second wave of feminism. This is apparent within my culture as women are expected to take care of the children, do all the house chores, serve their husbands and be perfectly modest at all times whilst the men of the household do not contribute. I was able to see this firsthand within the household of my grandparents as my grandmother catered to his every whim whilst he never even thanked her. Homophobia comes hand in hand with the sexism within my culture. Men need to manly, woman need to be feminine, and usually they marry and have kids young. Queer people are commonly disowned or shunned by their families within my culture. The concept of same sex marriage seemed forbidden, which would later be a problem for Margarita Bustamante, my mother.

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My shoe from my Catholic baptism as a child and a cross that I wear daily show the influence of religion on my life.

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Culture of course influenced the sexism and homophobia within my family, and religion is a big part of my culture. Similarly to the main character in, "Guadalupe the Sex Goddess," by Sandra Cisneros, religion played a big part my family. Catholicism is a part of what it means to be Mexican, so of course my mother was raised in that religion. She was taught to be modest with her body and sexuality, like in Cisneros' story, but she was also taught that homosexuality was wrong. This greatly influenced my mother as she began to become homophobic herself. Even when her sister came out as gay, she deeply disapproved of it. My mother's homophobia intensified in order to conceal her own sexuality and to not disappoint her mother.

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A drawing I proudly created of my parents in middle school when asked to draw something important to me.

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That young homophobic girl somehow grew up and fell in love with another woman. "Accounts of Sexual Identity Formation in Heterosexual Students," by Michele Eliason describes how most people believe sexuality is a choice, but my mom is living proof that it is not. My mother had to face homophobic parents, a homophobic community, and a homophobic world. People are also socially constructed to be heterosexual from birth, for example, as they watch cartoons with heterosexual couples on them. Most people, like my mother, would choose to be heterosexual if they could to avoid all of the problems they face. My mother fell in love with another woman and had three kids with her as well. Growing up with same-sex parents allowed me to see the struggled they faced, such as not being able to hold hands in certain areas, yet I was always proud to talk about my moms to whoever asked. My mother raised me to be an independent women and destroyed gender roles within our household, teaching me to change tires, build furniture, and do whatever I wanted to do. Without a man in the house, gender roles didn't really exist. Within just two generations, the ideas of gender roles and homophobia went from being very intense to non-existent due to the efforts of my mothers.

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Matching tattoos my mothers have to represent their love for each other and their pride for the LGBtQ+ community.

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Currently, my mother is living a life her younger self never would've imagined. She went from a homophobic young girl to out and proud. My mother is working every day to break the tradtions of homophobia and sexism within our family and culture. My mother and her sisters try to combat the homophobia within our culture by attending local pride events, posting their support on social media, and much more. They also provided enough support to my grandmother so that she was able to leave my grandfather, who in traditional Mexican fashion was very sexist and mistreated my grandmother. My grandmother now lives her life as a free single property-owner, an idea that women only dreamed of in the 1800s. I am also living my life authentically as I own my gender and sexuality as a bisexual woman. Overall, despite the struggles she faced as a queer woman in a Hispanic household, my mother was able to change her perspective and change those negative ideas of gender and sexuality into something positive for the next generation.

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A photo of me at work proudly wearing a pin on my hat to represent my support of the LGBTQ+ community.

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Growing up with same-sex parents I eventually began to question my own sexuality. I actually really related to, "Growing up Gender Queer," by Maia Kobabe in the fact that I had crushes on people of different genders and struggled to figure out what I was or how to label myself. Unlike the character in that comic however, I didn't feel as alone when discovering who I was, as I had a strong support system within friends and family. I was already exposed to different sexualities and genders, so I felt comfortable exploring those ideas. My mother always said that she didn't like labels either, she just fell in love with the person, so I never felt any pressure to quickly label who I was. However, once I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual and I came too my mother about it at a young age, she quickly shot me down and reacted the same way her mother did to her. Even as a woman married to a woman, she let her internalized homophobia from her childhood and culture take over.