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What are your innate abilities and skills that give you an advantage? 

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What are your innate abilities and skills that give you an advantage? 

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My innate abilities and skills that give me and advantage in my chosen field is participating in various legal work experience. I did a week of work experience within a law firm during my time at high school and was able to experience the delivery of legal services. I excel at much more creative elements when completing assignment and tasks, things that I am able to put my own element into. I think others think I am quite good at academic tasks such as essays or quizzes, although I do think I am okay at them. My current study achievements I am proud of is passing my first trimesters at university. This is my first year and I have found it quite difficult to transition and balance work and study. I am proud of myself in my personal life for continuing to work and finding the motivation to ensure I am up to date on everything. The core values I live by consist of working hard, being grateful and knowing my worth.

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What are areas you need to improve to be successful?

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What are areas you need to improve to be successful?

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Areas I need to improve upon to become successful consist of my time management and criticism of myself. I find I tend to get caught up a lot; whether in my work life and then tend to neglect my studies and vice versa. so improving my time management would be heavily beneficial to ensure I have not forgotten any assignments or missed important classes. I have a very avoidant attachment style where I avoid things that cause me distress or make me anxious (The Attachment Project, 2024). I think others would agree that I am highly critical of myself where I think I do bad on an assignment and they think it's an achievement to pass. I prefer to excel at things and holding myself to a high standard can be quite disappointing when I don't do as well as I'd like to. I believe I have chosen the right subjects for my industry and that they widen the scope of possibilities I have when I graduate from university. one of the biggest negative working habits I have consist of procrastination. I know what work needs to be done and I sit and stress over it however, sometimes I cannot get myself to start working. This is one of my biggest difficulties as it is not as easy as just doing a task when you have over analysed and stressed yourself out over it. My stubbornness might be one of my biggest personality traits holding me back as I struggle being wrong and hate not understanding something. Thus, when I am stuck on an assignment I find it difficult to ask for help for fear of embarrassment.

Reference:

The Attachment Project 'Avoidant Attachment Style: Causes & Symptoms,' (April 14 2024)

https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/avoidant-attachment-style/

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Referred to as anxious-avoidant in childhood, the avoidant-dismissive attachment style is one of the three insecure adult attachment styles identified in psychological literature.

Parents who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate the expression of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough might raise children with an avoidant attachment style.

As adults, these children appear confident and self-sufficient. They do not tolerate emotional or physical intimacy and might not be able to build healthy relationships. What's more, in the workplace, they are often seen as the independent, 'lone wolf'. It is, however, possible for these individuals to change and develop a secure attachment style.
We will cover the most common questions around avoidant attachment:

How does attachment form in early childhood?

How do children develop insecure attachment styles?

What specifically causes avoidant attachment in children?

What are symptoms of avoidant attachment in adults?

What are relationships with avoidant adults like?

Can you change an avoidant attachment style?

How to heal from avoidant attachment?

How you form relationships as an adult depends on your childhood

Have you ever wondered why some people do not want to depend on or truly connect with anyone, even when in a relationship? Most of us aim to build strong relationships throughout our lives.

We are 'hungry' for love and affection. Why? Because emotional intimacy has many advantages. Namely, we are able to share our thoughts and feelings openly, we receive support and reassurance, we feel heard, appreciated, valued, and consequently, we feel calm and safe.

Emotional closeness can provide us with a feeling of stability - we are not going through life alone; we have someone to rely on. If we feel safe and valued by others, we are also able to maintain a higher self-esteem and a positive outlook on life.

If you are someone that needs to have close relationships and wants to rely on others (and have others rely on you), you have probably wondered why some people lack these basic human desires. How do they even make it work?
The truth is, this is most often not a conscious choice. The way we form relationships as adults has a lot to do with the way we formed our first social bonds as children with our caregivers.
Attachment theory is well-known and researched in the field of Psychology. Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby and his attachment theory shed light on and explain this phenomenon.

Four adult attachment styles were categorized based on his theory:

Don't know your attachment style? Take our short 5 minute Attachment Style Quiz to find out now. It's completely free.

How do children form secure attachment in early childhood?

Attachment theory suggests that our early relationships with our caregivers (in childhood) set the stage for how we build relationships in the future (in adulthood).

The behavior of our caregivers is the first example of social interactions that we are presented with. It thus becomes informative of how relationships work.

Are other people going to take care of me? Can I trust them? Can I rely on them?

When raising a baby in a secure environment, where the caregivers are emotionally available and responsive to the baby's needs, the answers to these (subconscious) questions will probably be yes. This is what we call a secure attachment.

How insecure attachment develops in childhood

However, when the child perceives that their basic and emotional needs are not met, they will have a hard time trusting people. Social bonds might be perceived by such children as not safe or stable. This is how a child forms an insecure attachment.

Let's get back to that person you know, who is self-sufficient and does not (want to) rely on others. Based on attachment theory, we would categorize his or her attachment style as an insecure attachment style. It is known, more specifically, as avoidant/dismissive.

How do children develop an anxious-avoidant attachment style?

The development of an anxious-avoidant attachment style in a child has much to do with the emotional availability of their caregivers. The caregivers do not necessarily neglect the child in general; they are present.
Nevertheless, they tend to avoid the display of emotion and intimacy and are often misattuned to the child's emotional needs. Such caregivers are reserved and seem to back off when the child reaches out for support, reassurance and affection.
The caregivers are likely to become more distant as the situation gets more emotionally dense. They might become overwhelmed and want to get out. This is when their unavailability would be most evident.

The child expresses a need for closeness, but instead of receiving it, they perceive that the door is shut in their face. Parents whose children become avoidant might not only avoid expressing their own feelings.

They might also disapprove of and not tolerate any notable display of emotions from their children, regardless of whether it is negative (sadness / fear) or positive (excitement / joy).

When such display of emotions occurs, caregivers can become angry and try to disrupt the child's behavior by telling the child to toughen up. The parent expects the young child to behave independent, serious, and reserved.

Being raised in such an environment is likely to cause an avoidant attachment style. Most often, the caregivers have this attachment style themselves. Since the parent was raised that way, they pass it on, unintentionally, to the next generation.

Symptoms of avoidant attachment style in adults

Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are.

They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.

Avoidant adults tend to be independent. Their self-esteem is high and they do not rely on others for reassurance or emotional support.

Such individuals might invest in their professional development and are likely to build up their confidence on each personal success. They seem to be in control.

How does an avoidant adult behave in relationships?

For avoidant adults, social interactions and bonds remain on the surface. In order for a relationship to be meaningful and fulfilling, it has to become deep. That's when you would 'hit a wall' when dealing with avoidant attachment style and relationships.

These individuals will let you be around them, but will not let you in. They tend to avoid strong displays of closeness and intimacy. As soon as things get serious, dismissive/avoidant individuals are likely to close themselves off.

At this point, such people might try to find a reason to end a relationship. They might be highly annoyed by their partner's behavior, habit, or even physical appearance. Consequently, they start drifting off and distancing themselves from the partner. Adults with this attachment style believe that they do not need emotional intimacy in their lives.

This is a direct result of their upbringing. Their caregivers showed them that people cannot be relied on. Whenever they sought emotional support in the past, it was not provided. They simply stop seeking or expecting it from others. It's as if they have 'turned off the switch'.

To the avoidant adult, emotional closeness and intimacy are often off the table

From the outside, an adult with an avoidant attachment style might look confident, strong, and together. This does not mean, however, that this person is not suffering or making those around him/her suffer.

To the avoidant adult, emotional closeness and intimacy are often off the table. Not because they will not reap benefits, but because they do not know how.

Either way, not being able to build a deep, meaningful, and long-lasting relationship can be painful for people with this attachment style. It can also be heart-breaking for the ones who love them.

Furthermore, having an avoidant attachment style as a parent is likely to affect your child's attachment style. If you have it, you will probably pass it on.

I may have avoidant attachment... now what?

If you recognize the dismissive/avoidant attachment style in yourself or you realize you are dating someone with avoidant attachment style, what can you do?

The key is to admit and realize that the 'switch' on emotional intimacy has to be turned on. This might be challenging and require a lot of effort.

What do I feel? The avoidant adult needs to start paying attention to the emotional and physical sensations that come up around (emotional) intimacy. Self-reflection might help one make sense of and analyze existing patterns.

What do I need? Another essential step is exploring, understanding, and eventually expressing emotional needs.

What should I do? At some point, the avoidant adult might be able to start working on building closer relationships with people. They could follow a step-by-step approach to letting others in and responding to the emotional needs of close ones.

Can avoidant adults change their attachment style?

Obviously, working with a therapist on this pattern would potentially be the most beneficial way to move forward with earning secure attachment. If that's not an option for you, we have online courses for you to move forward.

Either way, if you want to change your attachment style, you need to put effort in it. Whether you are working through it with a close friend, a therapist, or a book, consistency and effort are fundamental.
If you prefer to go the route of a workbook, we recently released our first series of attachment style digital workbooks.

Our avoidant attachment style digital workbook includes:

199 pages & 32 practical exercises

How avoidant attachment affects you in over 10 different areas of life

8 case studies on avoidant attachment

Groundbreaking and up-to-date research on avoidant attachment

Section recaps and areas for reflection

Empower your Instagram newsfeed

If you liked this post and want to learn more about attachment theory, then we recommend following The Attachment Project on Instagram. We regularly post content to help you make sense of attachment theory in various contexts.

Sources:

Ainsworth, MD, Bell, SM.(1970). Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Development, 41(1), 49-67.

Bowlby, J.(1982). Attachment and Loss: Volume 1 Attachment. 2nd ed. New York: Basic Books.

Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P.R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. Guilford Press.

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Avoidant Attachment Style: Causes and Adult Symptoms

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Referred to as anxious-avoidant in childhood, the avoidant-dismissive attachment style is one of the three insecure adult attachment styles identified in psychological literature. Parents who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate the expression of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough might raise children with an avoidant attachment style.

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What are the activities, subjects, or tasks you enjoy the most?

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What are the activities, subjects, or tasks you enjoy the most?

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The activities and subjects I enjoy the most definitely consist of the arts. I love to draw, read and paint however, in my degree it is very academia based so there is not a lot of room for creative expression. Despite this I find ways to explore my creativity in my own personal life. Additionally, I have a high interest in the criminology field I have watched almost every show relating to the topic: criminal minds, bones, NCIS. Of course these shows do not accurately depict the topic in real life I find the theories and human aspect of criminology more appealing to me.

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What are your core beliefs, and how do they align with your career? 

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What are your core beliefs, and how do they align with your career? 

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I struggle with my core beliefs as I do not have many influences or guides throughout my studies or in my chosen field. I am going off of my own thoughts and feelings and that can be tricky to manage sometimes. However, my main core beliefs that I try to implement into everything I do is to stay disciplined, hard working, focused and not to let negative thoughts take over. I think my beliefs align with my career as the legal field is and intensive and long process, one that needs discipline and hard work to be achieved successfully.