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Rachael Baker is a highly experienced relationships and sex educator based in Birmingham UK. A qualified teacher and SEND specialist, Rachael has worked in a broad range of education settings including mainstream secondary schools, alternate provision, pupil referral units, special schools and special colleges.

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Upcoming course:
Masturbation, Autism & Learning Disabilities
5th February 2025 - online
A one day course exploring how we can support young people and adults with learning disabilities to masturbate appropriately if they so choose.

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Bodysense Education - Bodysense Education

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Home - Bodysense Education is an organisation that provides support, training and resources around Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) for people with…

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At Supported Loving we know that positive and proactive support is vital in enabling people to develop and maintain relationships.

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Great Relationships and Sex Education is an innovative and accessible guide for educators who work with young people to create and deliver Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) programmes. Developed by two leading experts in the field, it contains hundreds of creative activities and session ideas that can be used both by experienced RSE educators and those new to RSE.

Drawing on best practice and up-to-date research from around the world, Great RSE provides fun, challenging and critical ways to address key contemporary issues and debates in RSE. Activity ideas are organised around key areas of learning in RSE: Relationships, Gender and Sexual Equality, Bodies, Sex and Sexual Health. There are activities on consent, pleasure, friendships, assertiveness, contraception, fertility and so much more. All activities are LGBT+ inclusive and designed to encourage critical thinking and consideration of how digital technologies play out in young people's relationships and sexual lives.

This book offers:

Session ideas that can be adapted to support you to be creative and innovative in your approach and that allow you to respond to the needs of the young people that you work with.

Learning aims, time needed for delivery, suggested age groups to work with and instructions on how to deliver each activity, as well as helpful tips and key points for educators to consider in each chapter.

Activities to help create safe and inclusive spaces for delivering RSE and involve young people in curriculum design.

A chapter on 'concluding the learning' with ideas on how to involve young people in evaluating and reflecting on the curriculum and assessing their learning.

A list of recommended resources, websites, online training courses and links providing further information about RSE.

With over 200 activities to choose from, this book is an essential resource for teachers, school nurses, youth workers, sexual health practitioners and anyone delivering RSE to young people aged 11-25.

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Great Relationships and Sex Education: 200+ Activities for Educators Working with Young People

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Great Relationships and Sex Education is an innovative and accessible guide for educators who work with young people to create and deliver Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) programmes.

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Becoming a Sensory Aware School: A Toolkit to Develop a Whole School Approach for Sensory Wellbeing

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Sensory needs are often misunderstood and, as a result, neglected across many schools. Yet sensory needs are universal foundational building blocks at the base of both human and learning needs. This practical book covers everything schools need to know and consider about the sensory needs of all students and staff within the school environment. By focusing on all sensory needs in a holistic way, this leads to a deeper understanding of one another and is a truly inclusive approach to benefit all.

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Masturbation Autism and Learning Difficulties.

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Masturbation Autism and Learning Difficulties.

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Masturbation, Autism and Learning Disabilities: A Guide for Parents and Professionals

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Intimate self-touch and masturbation can pose many difficulties for people with learning disabilities and/or on the autistic spectrum, particularly when it happens in public settings. This frank and thorough guide looks at societal, cultural and religious views of masturbation, how teens develop…

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Addressing Sexualised behaviour Rachael Baker

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Addressing Sexualised behaviour Rachael Baker

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Addressing Sexualised Behaviour in SEND Schools and Colleges: A Dignified Approach to Keep Learners Safe

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This book explores how teachers working with learners with SEND can deliver meaningful teaching around masturbation so that learners understand what it is and why people do it, the necessary rules and boundaries, and feel confident to safely explore their bodies if they want to.
Exploring both proactive discrete teaching, as well as interventions in response to problematic sexualised behaviour, this book is a valuable toolkit for teachers and educators. Chapters include: Guidance on how to edu

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Sex education and sexuality for very special people Flo Longhorn

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Sex education and sexuality for very special people Flo Longhorn

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sensory books free download flo longhorn 2022

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Hello! Please note! I am happy for you to have my books and use them in your work or play with very special children and adults. Just remember that most were written many years ago when there was hardly any information or research around.

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RSE training and resources for PMLD learners 

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RSE training and resources for PMLD learners 

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The Sex Factor: Relationship and Sex Education Training

There is a general misconception that Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) is not needed for children and young people with complex neurodisabilities. Since September 2021, RSE teaching has been compulsory across all schools.

We have found:

Limited adapted RSE education for children and young people to learn, stay safe, understand their bodies, relationships and sexuality in full

Staff are ill-equipped or lack confidence to teach RSE to children and young people with complex neurodisabilities

No appropriate resources for teachers/parents/staff

Lack of specialised openly descriptive/visual training regarding personal care

Families and carers may also be unaware of the need for RSE or uncertain how to address this subject

What we can offer

A user-friendly toolkit consisting of training sessions and resources, including 34 ready-made lesson plans and supporting videos for teachers and staff to deliver quality RSE to children and young people with complex neurodisabilities.

About the author and trainer

Helen Dunman has been teaching RSE and Drama to young people with a range of SEND for 30 years, specialising in children and young people with severe learning disabilities. She currently teaches at Chailey Heritage Foundation. In 2017, her work in RSE was recognised by the Worshipful Company of Educators with an Inspirational Educator Award. She currently has whole-school responsibility for RSE at CHF which was referenced as Outstanding in the last OFSTED report. Helen is also a member of SHADA (Sexual Health and Disability Alliance), which promotes good sex education for people with disabilities of all ages. Helen writes about this subject in educational journals and speaks at conferences around the UK.

The resources

Online training opportunities

The Sex Factor Handbook

More than 30 real life, ready to teach story lesson plans across four categories; Puberty, Relationships, Diversity, Safety

Supporting video content

Online support

Advice on sourcing anatomically correct dolls and creating authentic lifelike training aids (purchased separately).

So much more than a pack

We offer virtual, interactive training for smaller groups or individuals.

Following training on one of our regular courses, all candidates receive a 12 month subscription to:

The Sex Factor digital resource hub

The Sex Factor handbook

General updates

New and useful developments in the sector

New story lesson plans

For more information, download the Sex Factor brochure

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There is a general misconception that Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) is not needed for children and young people with complex neurodisabilities. Since September 2021, RSE teaching has been compulsory across all schools.

We have found:

Limited adapted RSE education for children and young people to learn, stay safe, understand their bodies, relationships and sexuality in full

Staff are ill-equipped or lack confidence to teach RSE to children and young people with complex neurodisabilities

No appropriate resources for teachers/parents/staff

Lack of specialised openly descriptive/visual training regarding personal care

Families and carers may also be unaware of the need for RSE or uncertain how to address this subject

What we can offer

A user-friendly toolkit consisting of training sessions and resources, including 34 ready-made lesson plans and supporting videos for teachers and staff to deliver quality RSE to children and young people with complex neurodisabilities.
About the author and trainer
Helen Dunman has been teaching RSE and Drama to young people with a range of SEND for 30 years, specialising in children and young people with severe learning disabilities. She currently teaches at Chailey Heritage Foundation. In 2017, her work in RSE was recognised by the Worshipful Company of Educators with an Inspirational Educator Award. She currently has whole-school responsibility for RSE at CHF which was referenced as Outstanding in the last OFSTED report. Helen is also a member of SHADA (Sexual Health and Disability Alliance), which promotes good sex education for people with disabilities of all ages. Helen writes about this subject in educational journals and speaks at conferences around the UK.
The resources

Online training opportunities

The Sex Factor Handbook

More than 30 real life, ready to teach story lesson plans across four categories; Puberty, Relationships, Diversity, Safety

Supporting video content

Online support

Advice on sourcing anatomically correct dolls and creating authentic lifelike training aids (purchased separately).

So much more than a pack

We offer virtual, interactive training for smaller groups or individuals.

Following training on one of our regular courses, all candidates receive a 12 month subscription to:

The Sex Factor digital resource hub

The Sex Factor handbook

General updates

New and useful developments in the sector

New story lesson plans

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There is a general misconception that Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) is not needed for children and young people with complex neurodisabilities. Since September 2021, RSE teaching has been compulsory across all schools.

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Verifying you are human. This may take a few seconds.

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Free training- Undertstanding Triple A (Attention Arousal and Anxiety)

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Free training- Undertstanding Triple A (Attention Arousal and Anxiety)

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The term ‘Triple-A’ represents a set of difficulties commonly experienced by autistic and neurodivergent pupils at school, namely with attention, arousal and anxiety. In this resource, we share research from the Centre for Neurodiversity and Development at Durham University that shows why Triple-A difficulties have an impact at school. We also share practical strategies that can be put in place to support Triple-A needs (developed in collaboration with the Communication and Interaction Team at Durham County Council).

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The approach behind this training tool is underpinned by the neurodiversity paradigm. The concept of neurodiversity reflects the fact that all of our brains work differently, and as such, we all think and behave differently. Neurodivergence refers to differences (e.g. in thinking and behaviour) that diverge from what is 'neurotypical'. For example, people who are autistic or who have ADHD, could be considered as being neurodivergent. Sometimes neurodivergent people can experience challenges in some situations. In this training tool, we look at the issues that can arise for autistic and neurodivergent pupils at school, because the school environment can provide lots of challenges for neurodivergent pupils.

For academic reading on neurodiversity, see here:Pellicano, E., & den Houting, J. (2021). Annual Research Review: Shifting from 'normal science' to neurodiversity in autism science. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

For an accessible talk on neurodiversity and school, see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iUHHmHftQs

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The approach behind this training tool is underpinned by the neurodiversity paradigm. The concept of neurodiversity reflects the fact that all of our brains work differently, and as such, we all think and behave differently. Neurodivergence refers to differences (e.g. in thinking and behaviour) that diverge from what is 'neurotypical'.

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Social communication game- Feel good jenga

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Social communication game- Feel good jenga

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This game works especially well with Autistic pupils.

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The Spotting the Signs Tool is designed to enable professionals who work with young people to better recognise CSE and CCE and safeguard young people.

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Healthy Relationships for Autistic People - Durham University

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This short film in British Sign Language (BSL) about what is consent was commissioned by SignHealth with funding from the Home Office.

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RSE reources for children young people and adults with Downs Syndrome

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RSE reources for children young people and adults with Downs Syndrome

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The resource is suitable for adults aged 18 and over. The training resource is made up of 8 different sessions covering:

Rights

Consent

Privacy and boundaries

Sexual acts

Sexuality, gender and safe sex

Relationships

Online safety and self esteem

Recap session

The training package is designed to be facilitated by those who purchase the resource, such as a care provider, a local authority, support group or a parent or carer, who will use the resource to deliver eight sessions covering all aspects of Relationships and Sex.

What you will receive
Trainer's guide - a comprehensive guide for facilitators, explaining how to run each session and outlining additional resources for you to use with participants.
Downloads for:

Eight sets of accessible slides, one set for each topic and the revision session

Accessible activity resources for participants

Accessible easy read workbooks for each session

Accessible easy read course evaluations to monitor understanding and progress

The pilot
The training resource has been piloted by New Key, a care provider in the South West of England. The participants said:
"I enjoyed the course and have found most of it easy to understand."
"I have learnt that it is OK to say no."
"I have learnt not to tell the bus driver about my sex life."

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Relationships & Sex Education - Downs Syndrome Association

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The resource is suitable for adults aged 18 and over. The training resource is made up of 8 different sessions covering: Rights Consent Privacy and boundaries Sexual acts Sexuality, gender and safe sex Relationships Online safety and self esteem Recap session The training package is designed to be facilitated by those who purchase the resource, such as a care provider, a local authority, support group or a parent or carer, who will use the resource to deliver eight sessions covering all aspects of Relationships and Sex.

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Race for Friendship

In aid of our upcoming Learning for Life series, Caring Friendships, we held a dragon boat racing fundraiser!

Our trustees led the charge, and raised an incredible £14,400 for Learn and Thrive.

A challenging day, but filled with fun! Watch the video to see how it went, and to hear about the difference Learn and Thrive makes for children and young people with Down's syndrome.

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Down's syndrome charity, supporting learners with Down's syndrome to access specialist support to help them learn and thrive. FREE digital tools and video learning empowers people with Down's syndrome to thrive throughout their lives.

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These attractively illustrated books, with their clear, anatomically correct pictures and simple, unambiguous text, deal bravely with the aspects of sexuality that are challenging to teach and will facilitate discussion and learning. They will be a very welcome addition to the bookshelves of families who have an adolescent on the autism spectrum. This series is perfect for use in sex education classes. An excellent and very helpful choice for professionals working with people with ASD!

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British Sign Language for private body parts. 

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British Sign Language for private body parts. 

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Want to learn BSL to better communicate about sex and sexual health?

This series of short videos shows how to sign common words and phrases, continuing with how to sign penis, testicles, vagina, vulva, breast and boobs.

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Want to learn BSL to better communicate about sex and sexual health? This series of short videos shows how to sign common words and phrases, continuing with how to sign penis, testicles, vagina, vulva, breast and boobs.

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Unprotected,overprotected:meeting the needs of young people withlearning disabilities who experience, orare at risk of, sexual exploitation 

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Unprotected,overprotected:meeting the needs of young people withlearning disabilities who experience, orare at risk of, sexual exploitation 

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RSE for Disabled pupils and pupils with special educational needs

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RSE for Disabled pupils and pupils with special educational needs

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It can be difficult to talk to your child about sex and sexuality, particularly if they are autistic. It may take your child a little longer to process or pick up on certain concepts. They may struggle with understanding 'appropriate' behaviour when it comes to sex and relationships.
To help you with this, we've put together some ideas for talking to your child about puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships, as well as links to some useful resources.

When to talk to your child about puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships

School classes address puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships at an age-appropriate level. Find out what your child's school will be teaching, and when. By working with the school, you will help to ensure consistency between school and home explanations.

You might decide that these lessons are paced inappropriately for your child. Perhaps they progress too fast and assume too much prior knowledge, or don't start at an early enough age. Autistic children often need a longer period of time to adjust to and understand any changes in their lives.

Your child may do things that will be considered inappropriate as an adolescent or adult, eg removing their clothes at unexpected moments. It may be easier to address these behaviours before puberty begins.

Talking about puberty

How to talk to your child about puberty

Answer honestly any questions your child has about puberty and their body. This will help your child to learn that puberty is not something to be embarrassed about and that they can trust you to give them the right information. If you are unsure of the right answer, it is better to say that you are unsure. Your child may be confused if your answer is not clear.

Your child might ask a question at an inappropriate moment. You could develop a standard response, which everyone in the family can use, such as 'That's a good question. Let's talk about it once we get home'. Remember to deal with the question when you get home or your child may be reluctant to ask you questions again.

Your GP or practice nurse may be able to help, especially if your child will only be satisfied with an accurate, full and scientific answer. Involving the GP or practice nurse may help your child to feel comfortable talking to them about their bodies in the future, eg about sexual health or contraception.

Language

Be careful how you use language. Saying that your son's voice is "breaking" may be very worrying for an autistic child, who may take it literally. Instead you could say that your voice is changing and likely to become deeper. You could then refer to their father's/uncle's/older brother's voices and explain that men's voices are usually deeper than women's.

You may want to explain that there are different names for private body parts, and that the words you are using might be different to words your child might hear in the playground. You could explain that they should not feel they need to join in with playground conversations about private body parts if they don't want to.

Private/public

While you are talking to your children about puberty and sex, you may also need to provide some guidelines about the difference between public and private.

These may include:

who they can talk to about any concerns they have, eg mum, dad, the GP and school nurse

which rooms are private and which are public

that they should only undress or masturbate in a private room (eg their bedroom)

that people should always knock on a bedroom door before entering (you will need to make sure that everyone who visits your home is aware of this rule).

Explaining physical development

You could use visual supports to explain the basics of development, such as:

photos - you could show your child photos of themselves as a baby and toddler, and of yourself or other family members at different ages, to help your child to understand about when puberty happens in a person's life

a body outline, labelling all of the body parts, and highlighting how each part will change, and talking about what fluids come from each part - sweat, tears, urine, semen, menstrual blood, vaginal discharge.

Encourage your children to feel positive about these changes by talking about some of the advantages of being an adolescent and adult, eg you can make your own decisions about how to have your hair cut, you can vote - whatever will appeal to your child.

Menstruation (periods)

You daughter may need reassurance that menstruation is a normal biological process, and that she will not bleed to death. Tell your daughter who to go to at school if she gets her period while there. Your daughter could carry a small notebook around with her with information or reassurance for those moments when you will not be there. This will also encourage independence and could be used in various ways throughout her life.

Show your daughter how to use sanitary products, pointing out any particular features which might help her to remember how to use them correctly. Put sanitary products in a particular drawer in your daughter's bedroom, or in the bathroom, so she can be reassured that they will always be there when she needs them.

You could use a calendar to help your daughter to understand when her period is due. This may help her to feel less anxious. Alternatively, a period tracking app for her tablet or smartphone may be more subtle and could promote independence.

Masturbation

Be prepared to talk about masturbation with your child so that they do not develop any anxieties about what they are doing. Reassure them that masturbation is a normal activity.

It is important that your child knows know how to clean themselves, if necessary, after masturbation. You could perhaps supply tissues/wet wipes or an appropriate towel. You may want your child to tell you if bedclothes need changing. If your child would find this difficult, you could introduce a symbol or hand signal that they could use to let you know. You could also choose a specific day each week for bedclothes and sheets washing.

Body image

You may need to be careful that your child does not develop an unrealistic view of what their body or other people's bodies should look like. Some children and teenagers may look at the images in the media and social media and believe that their body will look like those, or they may think that their body will look just like the bodies in the visual materials you have used. Stress that all bodies are a bit different and that's ok.

Personal hygiene

Address personal hygiene issues as your child approaches puberty. Prepare your child for the need to wash more often, for shaving and for using deodorants. You will need to explain how to do these things, as well as the social rules determining why we do them. A social storyTM might be useful here.

If your child already has an established routine or tick list for their morning schedule, washing themselves, changing their clothes or their bed sheets, you could perhaps adjust it to include the use of deodorants, showering every day, shaving every other day and so on.

Relationships and sex

Relationships

Your child might need help to understand social interaction in order to sustain a relationship. You may need to discuss why some people get married or choose to live permanently with one person. You could explain these things by discussing your relationship with your partner or those of other family members.

This could be supported visually by drawing stick figures, or using photographs, of each significant person in this individual's life, including themselves, their family members, support workers, teachers and doctors, if appropriate. You may want to use a different piece of paper for each person. The pictures should be placed in the middle of the paper and connections should be made to a variety of drawings, words or photographs that surround this person. These other pictures or words should symbolise this person's role for the individual concerned and perhaps other members of the family.

You could change the person in the centre from the autistic person to mum, dad or a sibling, as this may help your child to understand how other people view the relationships in the family. You may want to discuss another family that is different from your own - perhaps one headed by a single parent or vice versa, a family with two same sex partners or vice versa etc.

Sensory differences

Because of your child's sensory differences, they may be worried about the idea of hugging or kissing in future relationships. Reinforce that when it comes to relationships, they should only do what they are comfortable with.

Sexual health

You will need to discuss smear tests, contraception, and sexually transmitted infections. You may want to use a social storyTM to explain visits to the doctor or nurse.

Staying safe and appropriate behaviour

Staying safe

You could use a social storyTM to describe a situation where another person may act inappropriately towards the autistic person, and where they can tell someone about it, eg a parent or teacher.

Your child needs to know how to stay safe online. The NSPCC provides advice and tools about this, which you can read in our 'More information' section below.

'Inappropriate' behaviour

It is often non-autistic individuals who have decided this behaviour is inappropriate. Autism may affect a person's ability to understand what is considered to be socially appropriate behaviour and to imagine what other people might feel or be about to do. A behaviour might have a very significant and specific meaning for them which isn't 'just being rude' or sexually motivated.

For example, if an autistic person touches or brushes against a particular woman's breasts every time they meet, this could be because:

this is a routine action they have developed to work out what mood that person is in today, finding it difficult to glean this from a person's facial expressions and body language

they like the reaction they get - the shock on the person's face, or the verbal response which follows

they got sensory stimulation the first time they brushed against the woman's body, and want to repeat this

they may be curious about what that part of a person's body feels like and are acting on an impulse.

If an autistic person kisses someone unexpectedly, this could be because:

they have seen two people kissing on the television and think the other person will react the way the person they saw being kissed did

they think the other person wants to kiss, because they themselves want to kiss.

It can be hard to break the cycle of inappropriate behaviour. Here are some strategies you could try.

Behaviour diaries

Completing a behaviour diary, which records what is occurring before, during and after the behaviour, could help you to understand the purpose of the behaviour. A diary may be completed over a couple of weeks or longer if needed. This may be difficult to do if the behaviour is particularly unpleasant for the individual or those around them but it is an important stage in understanding and trying to solve the behaviour. Please note that while it is understandable that the immediate reaction to a person's behaviours could be negative and comprise feelings of shock or alarm, a calm reaction and level tone should be maintained if at all possible.

Social storiesTM and comic strip conversations

Using a social storyTM or comic strip conversation could help you to discover how the person viewed the situation and to describe what they should have done in that situation, eg "we greet people by shaking their hand".

"It's alright"

Draw a table with a list of people and activities such as holding hands and kissing on the mouth. Ask whether the different activities are alright or not with different sets of people for example family members, strangers, teachers and pupils. A tick/cross or yes/no can be placed in each box depending on what the person thinks, or what you tell them.

More information

Your next steps

Find out more about what help and support is available.

Contact the NSPCC 24-hour helpline if you are concerned about a child's safety.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk

Visit the Respond  website, which provides advice on issues of sexual abuse, sexual offending and learning disabilities.

The words 'Social Story' and 'Social Stories' are trademarks originated and owned by  Carol Gray. All rights reserved.

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A guide for parents and carers on talking to their autistic child about sex and sexuality.

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At Supported Loving we know that positive and proactive support is vital in enabling people to develop and maintain relationships.

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CPD videos and useful videos for parents from Supported Loving 

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CPD videos and useful videos for parents from Supported Loving 

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https://www.choicesupport.org.uk/supported-loving-webinars

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Webinar 6: Should I tell them that? Developing relationship and sex education (RSE) for people you support

This webinar helps you to explore key themes and prepare for successful delivery of inclusive, reflective and responsive RSE, tailored to the needs of people you support. The two presenters and their contact details are:

Nigel Hodges - Nigel worked as a community learning disability nurse for 31+ years and is now semi-retired. He currently works with young men and adults with learning disabilities in school, college or work environments - either individually or in groups - around their relationship and sexuality issues, as well as offering support and training for the staff who support them.

Gillian Leno - Gill leads RSE provision in a specialist college, developing and delivering RSE for a wide range of people, including her students (young adults aged 16-25) and their parents, as well as training and supporting staff. She is responsible for safeguarding and passionate about ensuring that this is proactive.

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Webinar 6: Should I tell them that? Developing relationship and sex education (RSE) for people you support This webinar helps you to explore key themes and prepare for successful delivery of inclusive, reflective and responsive RSE, tailored to the needs of people you support.

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Online Pornography and illegal content an easy read guide

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Online Pornography and illegal content an easy read guide

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This carefully written and illustrated book provides an explanation of pregnancy for people with autism and special education needs and disabilities (SEND). It helps readers to understand the physical processes of pregnancy, as well as important practical information, such as how to stay healthy in…

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Tom likes lots of different things. He likes singing and watching TV in the family room. There are also things that Tom enjoys doing in private, like touching his penis.This accessible and positive resource helps parents and carers teach boys with autism or other special needs about masturbation.

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Kate E. Reynolds, MSc (Dist) BSc. RGN. PGDipHEd. PGDipCouns., worked for the UK's National Health Service for 18 years, seven of which were in HIV/Aids and sexual health as a Clinical Nurse Specialist, Senior Counsellor and staff trainer. In 2005 Kate's son was diagnosed as having 'classic' autism with intellectual (learning) disabilities. Since then, Kate has written several books for JKP about sexuality education and autism/intellectual disabilities. She is a researcher and public speaker; in 2016 she spoke at an All Party Parliamentary Group meeting about sex education and disability and speaks extensively with parents and caregivers.

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Kate E. Reynolds, MSc (Dist) BSc. RGN. PGDipHEd. PGDipCouns., worked for the UK's National Health Service for 18 years, seven of which were in HIV/Aids and sexual health as a Clinical Nurse Specialist, Senior Counsellor and staff trainer.

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Ellie notices that her body is changing. Hair is growing in new places and there are other changes happening too. Ellie's mum helps her understand that she has started growing into a woman.

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Tom notices that his body is changing. Tom's voice is different and hair is growing in new places. There are other changes happening too. Tom learns that he has started growing into a man.

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This carefully written and illustrated book provides an explanation of sex for people with autism and special education needs and disabilities (SEND). It helps readers to understand the physical processes as well as important issues such as consent and sexual safety, helping them to develop positive…

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Providing Relationships and Sex Education for Special Learners: An Essential Guide for Developing RSE Provision

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Providing Relationships and Sex Education for Special Learners: An Essential Guide for Developing RSE Provision

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Providing Relationships and Sex Education for Special Learners: An Essential Guide for Developing RSE Provision

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Effective Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) provision is a right for all learners, yet it often proves challenging for educators and caregivers, particularly those teaching learners with additional needs.
This book provides practical guidance for teachers and Special Educational Needs Coordinato…

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Really useing talking and thinking points on many elements of sexual health including:

Relationships and sex education (RSE)

Reproductive rights and abortion

Sharing youth produced sexual imagery

Masturbation

Pornography

Trans and non-binary people and experience

Gender terminology

Virginity

Kink and BDSM

Life course approach to sexual and reproductive health and rights

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Brook is not asked by schools to teach about BDSM and Kink, but is sometimes required to respond to ad hoc questions about it amongst young people. Brook teaches...

That people respond in diverse ways to different kinds of touch, sensation, physical, visual and oral stimulation. There is no 'right' way to have sex or to be in a relationship - provided it is mutually agreed

What one person finds sexy another person might find a turn off - there are likely to be a range of factors in the development of our sexuality and sexual desire

That the most important thing in any relationship and sexual practice is that it is mutually agreed, and fully consenting

Nobody should feel pressured or coerced into any form of sexual behaviour that they are not comfortable with

Seeing a sexual behaviour represented in the media or in porn does not make it 'normal', mandatory or require that anybody/everybody emulates it

That there are different risks associated with different sexual practices; and physical safety and after care are vital elements of any sex, alongside pregnancy and STI prevention

That respecting people's feelings is an important form of care

Consent, trust, good communication, reflection, preparation and a shared vocabulary to explain your desires and openly discuss sex are essential foundations for a safe BDSM/Kink experience. Often these skills and confidence come with age, experience and in established relationships

That it is not safe to use objects during sex or foreplay which are not designed to be used for sex (not body safe) or intended to be sex toys.

That the use of sex toys should be agreed in advance and both parties need to understand how to use them safely.

Young people to seek help if they are concerned about their relationships, or their own sexual practices or desires but that they should not feel that an interest in kink or BDSM on its own is a cause for concern.

Young people to identify when their own sexual practices are starting to feel harmful or having a negative impact on their life including whether a sexual behaviour is becoming compulsive, addictive or is escalating in a way that feels unsafe

The law in relation to consent including in relation to causing physical harm to another person in the course of a consenting sexual activity

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Our beliefs - Brook's position statements - Brook

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Brook is not asked by schools to teach about BDSM and Kink, but is sometimes required to respond to ad hoc questions about it amongst young people. Brook teaches... That people respond in diverse ways to different kinds of touch, sensation, physical, visual and oral stimulation.

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0:00 / 0:15•Watch full video

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How to do a creative audit of RSE with young people

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The importance of using the correct words for genitals. 

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The importance of using the correct words for genitals. 

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I did a double take at one of the labels pointing to the midsection and gently said "But sweetheart.. Um...you don't actually have a penis, you have a vulva!" She looked at me in disgust and said "Pelvis, Mummy. It says pelvis!"

I asked her if she had covered penis or vulva at school and she couldn't remember. For me, something has gone a bit awry there.

How can we possibly think it is okay to teach five or six 6 year-olds complicated words like pelvis, femur, and tibia and not teach them the absolute basics of their external body parts?

Partly it is rooted in sexism. Let's consider the words that children use for their genitals.

How many are there for boys - and how many for girls? For boys, we are comfortable with willy or penis, but girls have a confusing and euphemistic plethora of incorrect terms, like minnie, twinkle, noo noo, and front bottom.

This squeamishness around body parts - and particularly the word vulva - means parents and teachers avoid giving children the vital names and necessary understanding about their own bodies.

This sets children (particularly girls) up for a sense of shame.

Don't be squeamish

Even the government is not immune from this reluctance explicitly to name body parts.

The statutory RSE guidance (2019) states "At key stages 1 and 2, the National Curriculum for science (2015) includes teaching about the main external parts of the body" so you might think this means vulva and penis as a minimum.

However, when you cross reference with the actual text within the science National Curriculum, the statutory guidance states "identify, name, draw and label the basic parts of the human body" with the non-statutory detail unhelpfully listing "including head, neck, arms, elbows, legs, knees, face, ears, eyes, hair, mouth, teeth".

If I had written the guidance, it would explicitly state we need to teach penis and vulva as a minimum in KS1.

And by early KS2 (by the end of Y4), this would go to cover penis, testicles, vulva and uterus; building up to penis, testicles, scrotum, sperm duct; and vulva, labia, clitoris, vagina, uterus, ovaries, egg duct by end of Y6.

Safeguarding

The strongest argument for using the correct words is safeguarding.

I know of a child abuse case where the abuser called his penis a "lollipop" and since no one would think twice about a child talking about lollipops, the abuse took much longer to be uncovered.

Jock Mickshik, specialist social worker in child sexual abuse, with over 25 years' experience of assessing and treating sex offenders, told me that: "Predators tend to avoid children who have an accurate, working language for their body parts and are confident and articulate in telling adults if something untoward is happening to them.

"Conversely, offenders are more likely to exploit those children with little or no awareness of their bodies, who are less able to disclose what is happening to them."

In trying to keep children innocent and safe, we may actually be doing the exact opposite.

Learning about anatomy

We also have to think about this in terms of laying the foundations of anatomy, with a view to scaffolding how children learn through their school years and into adult life.

We have girls starting their periods in Y4/5 of primary, without being taught about menstruation.

As a secondary science teacher, I could always tell which primary schools covered basic anatomy and reproduction well, and those that didn't.

Many Year 7 children still thought that babies either came out of a woman's anus or urethra - although "bum" or "where you wee from" was the language they tended to use.

Many women still refer to "down there" when discussing medical problems with a healthcare professional. Talking about body parts without shame or embarrassment from a young age means that children grow up comfortable with their own bodies, and are more able to seek help when they need it.

Use the right words

Schools should review when and how they teach the correct names of the body parts.

Let's ensure children understand that their bodies are brilliant and awesome and that there is always a trusted adult who can help them if they are worried or scared.

Getting terminology right

Conversations about agreed school terminology and rationale for its use should include your whole staff, including teaching assistants and lunchtime supervisors. Practise saying penis and vulva confidently in a safe space before you say it in the classroom!

Contextualise where you might need to use the words. For example, when discussing toileting with children in Early Years or KS1, decide if you are going to mirror the child's language or introduce the correct words.

Agree as a staff that you will not introduce your own inaccurate terms to the children, or sanction the children for using the correct words in the correct context.

Get your parents on board - explain the rationale to them, support them to use the words with a range of books (some are better than others and none of them are perfect) such as Nude Isn't Rude and My Underpants Rule. Jayneen Sanders' books on body safety education, including No Means No and My body! What I Say Goes are also helpful. Have copies available at school for parents to review and decide which ones might work best for their child at home.

The videos from the Amaze.org support how to answer "Where do babies come from?" and "How are babies made?" The short clips show parents and educator the importance of using the correct words and answering questions in an age-appropriate way.

The Pantosaurus materials (and the earworm of a song) are a safe starting point for children and their parents to start talking about how we name what is under our pants.

Use these simple labelling diagrams from Education Scotland's Relationships, Sexual Health and Parenthood website (tinyurl.com/htmybody). You can colour code the drawings in terms of private parts of the body, and talk about where it is okay and not okay for people to look at and touch.

Some schools, depending on their context, choose to use the language of 'most' not 'all' (e.g. most girls have a vulva) when talking about sex differences, to make discussions more inclusive for children who might be gender diverse.

If you need build your confidence using the word 'vulva' then Brook publishes a leaflet called "What is a Vulva anyway?"

Separate teaching about the clitoris from teaching about FGM, which is often covered in Y6 in at-risk populations. The first time a girl learns about a clitoris should not be in the context of it being cut or removed.

Alice Hoyle is a Relationships and Sex Education Advisory Teacher and Youth Worker, and co-author of Great Relationships and Sex Education: 200+ Activities for Educators Working with Young People. She is available for training and support for Primary schools and can be contacted on alice.t.hoyle@gmail.com.

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"It says pelvis, Mummy!" | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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I did a double take at one of the labels pointing to the midsection and gently said "But sweetheart.. Um...you don't actually have a penis, you have a vulva!" She looked at me in disgust and said "Pelvis, Mummy. It says pelvis!" I asked her if she had covered penis or vulva at school and she couldn't remember.

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Jessica Kingsley publishers produce lots of useful SEND and RSE books including the Tom and Ellie books

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Jessica Kingsley publishers produce lots of useful SEND and RSE books including the Tom and Ellie books

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Sarah Attwood, author of Making Sense of Sex

Thankfully, we have reached a point where society recognizes that all people, including those with a developmental disorder such as autism, are sexual beings who have a right to knowledge and to be safe. But there are aspects of sexuality that are challenging and not easy to teach. These attractively illustrated books, with their clear, anatomically correct pictures and simple, unambiguous text, deal bravely with these topics and will facilitate discussion and learning. They will be a very welcome addition to the bookshelves of families who have an adolescent boy on the autism spectrum.

Ioannis Voskopoulos-Labrini Ioannou, psychologist

This series is perfect for use in sex education classes. An excellent and very helpful choice for professionals working with people with ASD!

Dr Helen McCabe, Executive Director, The Five Project for International Autism and Disability Support (www.thefiveproject.org), US

The Tom books about privacy and puberty for boys on the autism spectrum are a wonderful resource for families and young people with ASD. Each of the books addresses a range of relevant topics, to promote safety and healthy practices that will ensure better inclusion in society for boys and men on the spectrum. I have met hundreds of parents and teachers who often find that these issues related to puberty are in most urgent need of being addressed - finally, books that help us help our sons, brothers, students, and friends!

Debbie Elley, Co-editor

AuKids Magazine

What's Happening to Tom? Tom Needs to Go and Thins Tom Likes are aimed specifically at young boys with autism to help them understand their developing sexuality and to behave in ways that are socially appropriate and will keep them safe... These short hardback books have bold, friendly information on each page with a full colour illustration opposite. This honesty, straightforward approach is exactly what autistic boys growing up need.

Debby Elley, Co-editor

AuKids Magazine

Full marks to author and mum Kate Reynolds and illustrator Jonathon Powell for tackling a tricky subject with such style and humour. Their set of three books - What's Happening to Tom?, Tom Needs to Go and T hings Tom Likes are aimed specifically at young boys with autism to help them understand their developing sexuality and to behave in ways that are socially appropriate and will keep them safe... The books act as a visual guide... An honest approach like this will help them to learn quickly and to ask you questions without any sense of shame or embarrassment.

HealthyBooks

In simple and unambiguous text and bright pictures, often explicit, we see Tom beginning to grow up. First he notices hair in different places, then he gets spots, his voice begins to change, and he needs to shower every day and use deodorant...while aimed at those who are autistic, the book will be useful to others with learning difficulties because of its avoidance of euphemisms and the explicit qualities in the illustrations. Highly visual.

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Tom notices that his body is changing. Tom's voice is different and hair is growing in new places. There are other changes happening too. Tom learns that he has started growing into a man.

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SEX ED & SPECIAL NEEDS | Adele Bates shares top tips for teaching RSE to pupils with SEND

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Statutory RSE getting it right for SEND students

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Statutory RSE getting it right for SEND students

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In 2020, the government will make health education and relationships and sex education (RSE) compulsory, which makes most of the PSHE curriculum now mandatory for all pupils in all schools. This also applies to special schools, PRUs, alternative provision (APs) and for all pupils with SEND in mainstream schools.

This article opens the discussion on how we make the new RSE content appropriate and useful for our pupils with additional needs - as directed by the Ofsted Education Inspection Framework - and the importance of doing so.

Teaching young people about sex and relationships can be a daunting task for some teachers. It can trigger emotional experiences in themselves and, if they have not received adequate training, it can be a challenge to create a safe space where our young people can get the answers they need.

For pupils with disabilities and other additional vulnerabilities the lessons may need deeper thought and repetition, to ensure that all pupils are receiving age-appropriate, useful RSE that ultimately enables them to live healthy, safe lives.

The Department for Education's (DfE) statutory guidance for RSE and health education states: "Schools should consider the make-up of their own student body, including the gender and age range of their pupils, and consider whether it is appropriate or necessary to put in place additional support for pupils with particular protected characteristics (which mean that they are potentially at greater risk)." (DfE, 2019).

When adapting resources and lessons for particular minority groups the first step is to ask: who are your pupils exactly and what are their specific needs? Not all disabilities are the same, and not all special needs have the same requirements.

It can be tempting to shy away from awkward questions - or wrongly assume that these pupils will not need to know about certain areas of RSE. However, these young people can be particularly vulnerable to sexual abuse and non-consensual sexual experiences (three times as likely according to the NSPCC); they also have the right to enjoy safe, healthy relationships and positive sexual experiences with their own bodies and with other people's, the same as any human.

RSE across the curriculum

RSE should be weaved into other subject areas to ensure that messages are reaffirmed and that conversations on the topics become normal, as advised by the statutory guidance. This will help to embed the learning for pupils who may not understand through one context.

School trips to a hospital or GP could also include introducing the clinics and professionals specific to sexual health. It is also important that pupils have a few adults they can trust to talk to.

Pupils with learning difficulties and autism

Pupils with learning difficulties and autism may physically be developing at a different rate to their mental capacity, as such this can make them particularly vulnerable. Ensure that lessons and resources are delivered in a way that they can understand and yet still cover the content that would be appropriate for their age and bodies.

Avoid using metaphors and euphemisms that could cause confusion, e.g. "others shouldn't touch you down below without your permission". Also, avoid generalisation - statements such as "touching yourself in private is okay" may be difficult to interpret. Be specific, "in your bedroom, when alone" or even have visuals to help aid understanding. Visual aids are also helpful when teaching about genitalia.

The social side to RSE can be hard for these pupils. They may not understand social signals in the same way as others.
Jo Billington, an autism doctoral researcher, lecturer in SEND and inclusion, and a mother of autistic boys, said: "I think there needs to be so much more focus on supporting the social aspect of RSE for autistic students. How on earth is my son supposed to understand flirting, for example?"

Role play, discussions using sentence starters and scripts, using actual examples in films or working with visiting actors can help the topic become accessible. This should be revisited often to ensure deep learning. I have created a year 7 and year 8 RSE six-week scheme of work that has been successfully used with SEN pupils with learning difficulties in a mainstream setting (see further information).

Deaf and visually impaired pupils

Ensure resources are accessible to them, and that they are given equal chance to ask questions with trusted adults. The NSPCC has recorded a British Sign Language resource around consent that can be shared with adults and children (NSPCC, 2019).

Visually impaired pupils will not have the same access to information on RSE as their sighted peers will have and this can affect the development of their sexuality. "This is not a reflection of mental deficiency, lack of vision seriously undermines children's ability to gather information about sexuality." (Davies, 1996)

For example, how have you adapted the lesson about putting condoms on safely for your visually impaired students? Are you/your staff able to explicitly and confidently explain what is going on? Do your visually impaired pupils know what other genders' bodies are like? Do you have anatomically correct models that you can use?

BBC Radio 4 has a useful discussion on RSE for visually impaired pupils (2018). And the RNIB shares information about 3D models that can be printed (2017).

Pupils with SEMH

Pupils who have social, emotional and mental health (SEMH) issues may find RSE education difficult. Their already existing challenges with engaging in social situations, dislike of change and difficulties around forming healthy, trusting relationships can all be barriers.

Some SEMH pupils have an "act tough" persona - which may well have helped them to survive in past traumatic experiences. Teachers need to realise that the bravado and claimed expertise around sex could be hiding lack of knowledge, fear or even a disclosure about past abuse. Creating safe spaces for these pupils to learn RSE is vital, and staff need to be sensitive to possible triggers, safeguarding and child protection policies and procedures.

Menstruation

Menstruation is now a part of the curriculum. For pupils with SEND this change in the biologically female body can be challenging. They may not understand it, they may not have the capacity to ensure their own hygiene or communicate when pain or other symptoms occur. Menstruation should be taught to all genders. Menstruation affects all of us, and can act as a great information tool about health and stress levels in a particular environment. The autism-friendly guide to periods and Red School are great resources (see further information).

LGBT+ and RSE

Some SEND pupils will also be LGBT+ and some SEND pupils will have LGBT+ parents or carers, family and friends. Unfortunately, where RSE is taught to pupils with SEND the LGBT+ part of the curriculum (compulsory from 2020 in secondary schools) is often missed. However, young people with learning disabilities are more likely to express themselves authentically, become attracted to whoever they are attracted to, and not conform to the general cis-heteronormative bias of western society, and many other social norms (Abbott, 2015).

The statutory guidelines (DfE, 2019) state that: "Schools are free to determine how they do this, and we expect all pupils to have been taught LGBT content at a timely point as part of this area of the curriculum."

For further advice on LGBT+ within RSE, see my next article for SecEd, due to publish in January.

Parents and carers

It is best practice to work in collaboration with parents and carers on delivering your RSE. Some may have concerns that their child's additional needs mean that they should not be taught RSE.

Topics such as masturbation (for all genders) being taught as a "private act in your own bedroom" may be challenging for parents and carers. But communication is key. Health and relationships education (taught in all primary schools) is compulsory.

However, parents and carers have the right to withdraw their child from sex education (which will be delivered in primary schools at the discretion of the school and delivered in all secondary schools from September 2020).

Heads are advised to meet with these parents and carers and highlight the detrimental affect that withdrawal may have on a child, who will be excluded from lessons and at risk of learning about issues of RSE via hearsay in the playground from their peers.

Conclusion

The new legislation, while a positive step in the right direction, does not answer all the questions that arise when considering how to adapt RSE for SEND pupils. On-going staff training will be essential - especially in an area that historically has been taught by non-specialist teachers. Staff opinions may vary, but the message to the pupils needs to be consistent.

Some schools will have begun their new RSE curriculum in September 2019 and will be sharing their examples of best practice. In addition, good practice is to set up links across your school to discuss RSE as well as linking with outside specialist agencies.

As with all our pupils, taking the time to know them, their learning methods and their social context alongside a solid knowledge of the curriculum content will give us the best clues on how to approach these vital areas of education.

Adele Bates is a behaviour and education specialist, teacher, speaker, writer and educator for students with emotional and behavioural difficulties. Visit www.adelebateseducation.co.uk

Delivery Statutory RSE & Health Education

Adele Bates will be presenting at SecEd's Third National Delivery Statutory RSE & Health Education Conference on January 22 in London. She will present two workshops, one themed on LGBT+ in the RSE curriculum and a second focusing on RSE for pupils with SEND. Visit www.statutory-rse.co.uk

Further information & resources

Statutory guidance: Relationships education, relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education, DfE, June 2019: http://bit.ly/2B8Hu1D

For resources from Adele Bates, visit https://adelebateseducation.co.uk/teaching-resources/

For resources from the NSPCC, including the PANTS resources, visit https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/schools/pants-teaching/

The NSPCC's PANTS resources are also adapted for learners with autism (http://bit.ly/33skwi7) and learning disabilities (http://bit.ly/312xmBU).

Sexuality education for children with visual impairments, Judith Davies, Dalhousie University, 1996: http://bit.ly/2AV3mx1

Sex education, BBC Radio 4, February 2018: https://bbc.in/2OwrKx1

3D printed genitals to help educate students with vision impairment about sex, RNIB, 2017: http://bit.ly/2M40qVz

The Autism-Friendly Guide to Periods: https://autismfriendlyperiods.com

The Red School: https://redschool.net/

Love in a cold climate: Changes in the fortunes of LGBT men and women with learning disabilities, Abbott, British Journal of Learning Disabilities 43, 2015.

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Getting statutory RSE right for SEND students

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In 2020, the government will make health education and relationships and sex education (RSE) compulsory, which makes most of the PSHE curriculum now mandatory for all pupils in all schools. This also applies to special schools, PRUs, alternative provision (APs) and for all pupils with SEND in mainstream schools.

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Bodysense resources (£) Excellent SEND RSE resources

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Bodysense resources (£) Excellent SEND RSE resources

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Buy The Autism-Friendly Guide to Periods Illustrated by Robyn Steward (ISBN: 9781785923241) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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free printable worksheets aids and resources

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picture exchange communication system cards

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free autism materials for all children incl. autism

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games and learning activities for autism

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step by step instructional videos cooking

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step by step instructional videos functional skills

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Free education materials, free workbooks, Pre-k, kindergartern, life skills, free aba resources, including special education, flashcards, free visual recipes,

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Unprotected,overprotected: meeting the needs of young people with learning disabilities who experience, or are at risk of, sexual exploitation

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Unprotected,overprotected: meeting the needs of young people with learning disabilities who experience, or are at risk of, sexual exploitation

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Unprotected, overprotected - meeting the needs of young people with learning disabilities who experience,or are at risk of, sexual exploitation 2015

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CRUSH: Transforming Relationships and Sexuality Education (in Wales)

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CRUSH: Transforming Relationships and Sexuality Education (in Wales)

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A professional learning tool containing two case studies (Canvassing voice and Mapping our RSE) of how two Special schools in Wales started their journey towards transforming their RSE.

Also available in Welsh: https://agendaarlein.co.uk/crush/

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Laying the foundations for healthy sexual development

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Laying the foundations for healthy sexual development

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Laying the foundations for Healthy Sexual Development (Early Years)

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Oxfordshire RSE framework for pupils with SEND and/or additional needs

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Oxfordshire RSE framework for pupils with SEND and/or additional needs

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Oxfordshire Relationships Education (PRIMARY and SECONDARY) and Sex Education (SECONDARY) framework for pupils with SEND and/or additional needs

This framework was developed using the Department for Education's guidance on Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) and Health Education (June 2019), and should be used alongside the guidance. The DfE guidance refers to the need to make materials accessible for all pupils including those with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and this framework aims to support all schools in doing this. The guidance also states that schools should ensure that education about LGBT matters are fully integrated into their programmes of study rather than delivered as stand-alone units.

The RSE framework for pupils with SEND and/or vulnerabilities and resources are managed by the RSE Task and Finish Group which was established in February 2020 to specifically consider and address the safeguarding needs of young people with vulnerabilities (e.g. high functioning autism, mild / moderate learning disabilities, ADHD, attachment disorders, etc.). The group comprises of representative members from Learner Engagement Services, SENSS, Education Psychology, Children's Social Care, LCSS and Schools (Primary, Secondary, Special, Virtual Schools for LAC and Independent). This group is accountable to the OSCB Safeguarding in Education Sub-Group and meets annually or as needed to review/update the framework and resources.

The original framework and resources were co-produced by Jo Brown, Anti-Bullying Co-ordinator for Oxfordshire County Council; Joe Butler at SEND Support (Special Educational Needs and Disability Consultancy and Training); Russell Chinnery, Iffley Academy; Zoe Dobson, Springfield School; Lyndsey Jenkins & Anne Peake, Woodeaton Manor; Amanda Makoka, Mabel Prichard School; Alexandra Miller, Fitzwaryn School and Esther Palmer, Frank Wise School.

Preview the online training delivered on 12 October 2020 by Clare Pike (Lead for Learner Engagement) and Lucy Wawrzyniak (Headteacher of Mabel Prichard School) on the RSE framework and resources.

Please contact clare.pike@oxfordshire.gov.uk if you have any suggestions for further resources or activities that could be added.

Resources folder

See below for recommended resources, links and example activities set around key safeguarding themes.

Want to add anything to this page?

If you would like to be involved in sharing resources and ideas across schools, please e-mail clare.pike@oxfordshire.gov.uk Lead for Learner Engagement at Oxfordshire County Council.

Record managed by OSCB RSE Task and Finish Group

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RSE framework for pupils with SEND and/or additional needs

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This framework was developed using the Department for Education's guidance on Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) and Health Education (June 2019), and should be used alongside the guidance. The DfE guidance refers to the need to make materials accessible for all pupils including those with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and this framework aims to support all schools in doing this.

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AmazeJr Parents: How Are Babies Made? - amaze / USA

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You are now leaving AMAZE.org. Content beyond this site might not be appropriate for young adolescents.

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How to answer "where do babies come from"

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How to answer "where do babies come from"

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AmazeJr Parents: Where Do Babies Come From? - amaze / USA

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You are now leaving AMAZE.org. Content beyond this site might not be appropriate for young adolescents.

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You've helped bring our Pantosaurus book to life

In February 2020, we launched our first ever crowdfunding campaign to create a book about Pantosaurus.

This fun and important storybook will help families and schools have simple conversations to help keep children safe from sexual abuse - in an engaging, visual way.

Thanks to amazing supporters like you, we raised £46,440 to help us create this essential book. You can get your copy from August 2021. All profits from the sale of this book will support the NSPCC's vital work, fighting for every childhood.

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In February 2020, we launched our first ever crowdfunding campaign to create a book about Pantosaurus. This fun and important storybook will help families and schools have simple conversations to help keep children safe from sexual abuse - in an engaging, visual way.

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Think about age appropriate explanations but also how confusing euphemisms can be. Top tip:ask first- what do you think it means?

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15 Domains of Healthy Sexual Development

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15 Domains of Healthy Sexual Development

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The laying the foundations document evolved from this work https://www.rsehub.org.uk/resources/15-domains-of-healthy-sexual-development/

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Fab website for under 13's parents and educators exploring all aspects of relationships and sex education. Very American but so useful! (Also has translations in other languages)

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AMAZE - Age appropriate puberty and sex education videos

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AMAZE takes the awkward out of sex ed and growing up. Real info in fun, animated sex education videos that give you the answers you actually want to know.

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Life Course Approach to Healthy Sexual Development

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Life Course Approach to Healthy Sexual Development

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http://bodysense.org.uk/wordpress/?product=wendy-female-genitalia-and-reproductive-organs-african-caribbean

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https://amystenzel.wixsite.com/vulvacademy/printable-3d-files

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•https://www.truetube.co.uk/film/screwball

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Hand massage tips:

●Pinch the tips of your partner's fingers, holding each pinch for 2-3 seconds.

●Use your thumb to massage your partner’s palm starting in the middle and working your way outwards. Start with gentle pressure and increase as you go.

●Take the hand, palm facing upwards and massage the whole hand and forearm with gentle pressure movements. Then turn over the hand and repeat on the other side.

●Take the whole hand in your own hand with interlocking fingers (as if you are playing mercy!). Carefully turn the wrist from left to right and repeat from right to left.

•Discussion Questions

•What kinds of touch felt good?

•How did you communicate with each other about what did and did not feel good?

•Did you mainly talk (‘that feels good’), make noises (‘mmmmm’ / ‘ouch!’) or use movements (pulling away) to indicate what you did and did not enjoy? Which of these were most effective?

•How easy was it to communicate with each other?

•What kinds of things made it hard to communicate well?

•Reflection Questions

•Who took responsibility for the negotiation? Was it mainly the masseur asking questions (‘is this ok?’) or the person being massaged (‘touch me here’)? Whose responsibility should it be?

•What needs to be in place before, during and after for a massage to feel safe?

•How easy was it to refuse unwanted or uncomfortable touch? What kinds of things prevent us from refusing touch that we don’t want or enjoy?

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•https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k-_4WloY6Y

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https://www.alicehoyle.co.uk/objectbasedlearning.html

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The cycle of self esteem is found within explore dream discover which is a fab pack

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Young people can get really bogged down in the legalities when the law can be complicated. Useful young people friendly overview provided below but a useful reframe from Is it legal to Is it right? (The ethical dimension)

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Sex and the law. Under age sex, consent, rape, sexual assault, outside sex, porn, abortions, confidentiality, marriage... Boring but very important.

Little known fact: I have a law degree. Yes it's Bish LLB (Hons). And for the first time in my working life it is relevant. These laws are the ones that people ask me about the most. They are for the UK (Great Britain and Northern Ireland).

Confidentiality for young people

Even if you are under 16, you have the right to a confidential service for condoms, contraception, check-ups and advice. Confidential means that clinics do not tell anyone they have seen you unless they need to protect you or someone else from a serious risk of harm. If they do have to tell someone they would always try to ask you first.

Marriage

The legal age for marriage and civil partnerships is 16 with parental consent or 18 without. (In Scotland you don't need parental consent at 16 - which is why Gretna Green is a famous place to get married). It's legal for same sex couples to marry in the UK except in Northern Ireland.

Abortion

A young woman under 16 can have an abortion without her parents knowing (if two doctors agree that she is mature enough and that it's in her best interests). They are legal in Great Britain up to 24 weeks of pregnancy (terminations at this late stage of pregnancy are very rare).

In Northern Ireland abortion is now legal up to 12 weeks of pregnancy unconditionally. Up to 24 weeks a termination is available if continuing with pregnancy would be a greater risk to the physical or mental health of the woman.

Young women usually want to tell parents or another responsible adult. Doctors will encourage this but will not force them to. It is a decision that only the woman can make: men have no legal say.

Here's more information on where you can find your nearest sexual health service in the UK where you can chat about your pregnancy options and be referred for an abortion.

Sex outside

There are a number of laws to do with having sex outside. It can be illegal to show male or female genitals in public. It is illegal to have sex in a public toilet (even in a locked cubicle). It is also an offence to have sex in public if it is near a children's play area.

People having sex outside can also be guilty of 'outraging public decency', unless they could have expected a reasonable degree of privacy and did what they could to prevent being seen.

That's the legals, but what do you think? Should people have sex outside?

Porn

It is legal to look at porn so long as it does not feature: under 18s, sex with animals, torture, scenes of rape or sexual assault or violent scenes which are life threatening or likely to cause serious harm.

You need to be 18 to buy porn magazines or videos and most porn websites try to prevent under 18s from accessing them. Don't film yourself having sex if you are under 18 because that's child porn: seriously.

It's also illegal to watch porn with someone under 18. (This is to try and prevent sexual abuse of children, but can apply even if you are both under 18 and both wanted to watch it.)

More about Porn Laws here

Consent

When having any kind of sexual contact with someone, both people must consent to it happening, otherwise it is against the law.

'A person consents if [s]he agrees by choice, and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.' Just because someone isn't protesting or saying no does not mean that they are agreeing to sex.

If someone is really drunk or stoned then they may lack the capacity to be able to consent, particularly if they pass out or forget what happened. This means that any sexual contact at that time could be unlawful; eg rape.

If there was any violence or perceived threat of violence, if the victim was trapped or locked in a room, if the victim couldn't communicate their non-consent, if the victim was unconscious or if the victim was drugged, then the court may rule that there was no consent.

Also if the victim was tricked into sex (either about who or what it will involve) it is unlawful.

And consent is a continuing act, so someone may agree to something but if they then change their mind half way through, the other person must stop.

Rules about consent apply in marriage or any long term relationship. If someone (man or woman) does not want sex then you can not force them.

If you are in any doubt as to whether someone is consenting, or whether they have lost the capacity to consent, then don't have sex. Here's more detail about consent and the law.

Sex without consent

Sex without consent is against the law - there are lots of different crimes about this but all of them are really serious. Rape (penetration of mouth, vagina or anus with the penis), assault by penetration (with fingers or objects), sexual assault (any sexual touching at all), causing someone to have sex.

Apart from rape, the offender can be a man or a woman (or a transsexual male to female with a penis).

Those affected and want to report it or get support can report it to the Police, or a sexual assault referral centre. For more visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk

Under age sex
Young people are highly unlikely to be prosecuted for any of these offences below if the people involved were the same or similar age and if the sex was clearly agreed with no abuse or exploitation.
In the UK you have to be 16 to have sexual activity* with someone. So, a couple of 15 year olds would (technically) be breaking the law. If it was a 16 and 15 year old, the 16 year old would be breaking the law.

This applies to under 13s (which is a separate, more serious, offence) or between 13 to 16 (unless that person reasonably believes the other person to be over 16). This applies to men and women and is the same for all genders and sexualities.

Under age sex is illegal whether there was consent or not. So for example, it wouldn't be a defence for an 18 year old to say that a 14 year old was agreeing to have sex. If the 14 was not agreeing to have sex that would be both rape/sexual assault and under age sex. Someone under 13 can't consent to sex under the law so this would be treated as rape/sexual assault.

* Under the law (s78 Sexual Offences Act 2003 for you legal geeks) sexual activity is defined as what a reasonable person would consider sexual. So it's not just penetrative sex that is illegal under 16, it could be masturbation, naked touching, or even touching over clothes.

There are a number of other offences to protect children and young people from abuse. (Again it's unlikely that people of the same or similar age who clearly agreed and were not being abused would be prosecuted.)

Causing or inciting an under 16 to engage in sexual activity, either with them or someone else. (So this could include convincing someone to have sex with someone else (eg prostitution or group sex)).

It's illegal to have sexual activity in front of someone under 16 (so someone masturbating on a webcam to someone under 16 is breaking the law).

It can be illegal to show porn to someone under 16 (if the purpose is for sexual gratification).

It is now illegal for someone over 18 to meet with someone under 16 after communicating with them on the internet for the purposes of sex (called 'grooming').

It's illegal for anyone in a position of trust (eg teacher, youth worker) to have sex with someone they work with or look after who is under 18. There are also laws to prevent any sexual acts with someone under 18 who is a family member.

If you are really really interested in the law and sex here is the Sexual Offences Act 2003

http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts2003/ukpga_20030042_en_1

© Justin Hancock, 2021.

I have a new book! Please buy it (if you want to, no pressure, it would please me if you did, but your call). More details here.

If you like could you please share it with your peoples. BISH is also on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. No I'm not on TikTok.

Do leave a comment below if you have anything you'd like to add or if you have questions. I moderate all comments before they go live. You can also ask me questions If you want to leave me some nice feedback please do

BISH is sponsored by , thank you Durex. It's also funded by your kind donations. If you're an adult with cash, please consider supporting my Patreon or chip in directly via my So if you could help with that I'd be very grateful.

If you want to teach about this stuff, don't just show people a website - that's kinda boring! Check out my very popular RSE resources at bishtraining.com
Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. In that time he's taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. Find out more about Justin here

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Sex and the law. Under age sex, consent, rape, sexual assault, outside sex, porn, abortions, confidentiality, marriage... Boring but very important. Little known fact: I have a law degree. Yes it's Bish LLB (Hons). And for the first time in my working life it is relevant.

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Activity exploring spread of STI's including HIV

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This activity is suitable for a secondary Science or PSHE lessons exploring the spread of disease including STI's. It is a simple but very effective lesson to do and

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Our Projects

Project deSHAME aims to tackle peer-based online sexual harassment by empowering local communities to work together to increase reporting among young people.

Access our free resources and learn more:

Looking for Project deSHAME resources in other languages?

Danish

Hosted here by Red Barnet.

Welsh

Hosted here by the Welsh Government

Defining online sexual harassment

Project deSHAME defines this as 'unwanted sexual conduct on any digital platform' and has categorised it in four main types.

About Project deSHAME

Project deSHAME is an EU-funded project to prevent and respond to online sexual harassment.

International Adaptation Toolkit

This toolkit was created to help other countries and organisations run a project to tackle online sexual harassment.

Research report

This report presents findings from quantitative and qualitative research conducted across Denmark, Hungary and the UK.

Impact Report

This report looks at the feedback from young people and teachers in response to the piloting of resources created by Project deSHAME.

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking "Accept All", you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.

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Skip to content Our Projects Project deSHAME aims to tackle peer-based online sexual harassment by empowering local communities to work together to increase reporting among young people. Danish Hosted here by Red Barnet. Welsh Hosted here by the Welsh Government Defining online sexual harassment Project deSHAME defines this as 'unwanted sexual conduct on any digital platform' and has categorised it in four main types.

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Bish Training - Sex & Relationships Education

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Description

As well as talking about porn this download resource pack enables conversations around self-esteem, body image, boundaries, pleasure, consent, communication, safer sex, sexual safety, the law, emotions, relationships, gender and sexual diversity and oppression.

"We have been using the planet porn with young people who have committed sexually harmful behaviour and I can honestly say it's been superb."

What's in the pack?

The pack contains a number of activities and resources which all come in a pdf and a powerpoint document: so you have the choice to print the resources out or use them as slides to teach with and to move the images around to suit.
Planet Porn Game
A straight forward card discussion game. Take it in turns to decide whether the statement belongs on 'Planet Earth' (real life sex) or 'Planet Porn' (porn sex) (or somewhere in between the two - which is most likely). Now with 42 cards! Each card has new and improved explanatory notes to aid discussion and learning. Also now easier to print.
Is It Legal, Is It Right?
This activity provides a brief factual analysis of current UK law around porn. It also presents various scenarios relating to porn which may be relevant to many young people, raising various ethical issues around sex tapes, watching porn under age and privacy.
NEW! Sexting Posters, Images and Handouts
Exclusive posters and handouts for you to use in conjunction with the other activities in the pack. Like the Bish Leaflets you can print your own as many times as you like. All the information that young people need to stay safe and make informed decisions (without scary moral panics).
Porn Challenge
This activity challenges people to think of ways to present sexy scenes and images which are safe, consensual, promote equality and diversity and don't make assumptions about who may be watching porn.
Dear Doctor Love
A problem page activity which explores relationship issues like trust, intimacy, boundaries, safety, jealousy, independence, self-esteem and communication through the medium of problems that a partner of a pornstar or glamour model might face.
NEW! Where Do People See Sexual Images
An activity exploring what we mean by 'sexual images', where people see them and what they might see. Great for opening up the conversation and for introducing Planet Porn.
NEW! Summary of the Evidence for Young People and Porn
Summary of the most authoritative reviews and research into exactly how many young people look at porn, what the effects might be and what they do with it.
Relationships and Sex Education
I wouldn't recommend this pack be used as a starting point with young people around RSE. For a complete, PSHE Association approved RSE course check out the free resources at DO... (which I was involved in writing) and also my new Consent Teaching Pack and Love, Innit my resource pack for teaching about relationships.

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Planet Porn - A teaching pack about porn, sex, sexuality and gender.

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As well as talking about porn this download resource pack enables conversations around self-esteem, body image, boundaries, pleasure, consent, communication, safer sex, sexual safety, the law, emotions, relationships, gender and sexual diversity and oppression. "We have been using the planet porn with young people who have committed sexually harmful behaviour and I can honestly say it's been superb."

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There really is no such thing as a 'normal' vulva. Like so many areas of our body, vulvas come in lots of different shapes, sizes and colours. The labia can hang down or be barely visible.

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Useful for professionals to brush up on their vulva knowledge.

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What every woman needs to know about her genitals The booklet provides knowledge about the female body, focusing on the pussy and its sexual functions. The text discusses anatomy, gynecology and sexual desire. It is intended för non-scientific readers wishing to learn more about female sexuality.

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Useful for professionals to brush up on their penis knowledge

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Leeds Puberty and Sexuality SEND resource

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Leeds Puberty and Sexuality SEND resource

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Addressing Sexual Harrassment School Culture (1)

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This is draft. Feedback welcome.

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Essential evidence-based reading for beyond statutory RSE towards Great RSE
( including the voice of young people)

Unesco Technical Guidance https://unfpa.org/sites/default/files/pub-pdf/ITGSE.pdf

Agenda https://agendaonline.co.uk/

Transforming School Cultures https://transformingschoolculture.files.wordpress.com/2022/01/transforming-school-cultures-through-relationships-and-sex-education-final.pdf

Brook Traffic Light Tool https://www.brook.org.uk/training/wider-professional-training/sexual-behaviours-traffic-light-tool/

Ofsted Sexual Harrassment Review https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges

Childrens commissioner Talking to your child about online sexual harrassment https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/cco_talking_to_your_child_about_online_sexual_harassment_a-guide_for_parents_dec_2021.pdf

DfE report on RSE and sexual risk taking https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1035862/SRE_and_sexual_risk-taking_research_brief_Nov21.pdf

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Useful resources