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"Smart" kid can game the CD system.  Many teachers have Alaska in their rooms.  Kids familiar with breathing.  Teachers' lounge has Wishing Well board too.  "CD for parents" night was poorly attended.

2 choices: Two actions that can be taken, shared goals is the important piece.

Learned Opposition: 209  Privileged kids have the permissive parenting situation and they're taking advantage of it.

Tyranny of Choice = Decision Fatigue.

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ESL teacher does breathing exercises. Kiere does CD with kids. Wishing Well gets used too.

"Hotspots" with Design For Change club were lots of physical repair things.  Grant opportunity for that?

Anxiety about choosing. "Take a seat"... flipping out. A choice turned into an overwhelming piece. Reflecting the choices piece and modeling the accepting of the choice.

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Power comes from Choice, not Force.  Are other schools using CD in their staff meetings?

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Bipolar school with CD and 7 Habits both being used.  Two staff members makes it necessary to do stuff. "Hands smeller" is quite the privilege.

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They  all need to be line leaders.  Rayna: Can the middle of the also be given some strategies?  Kids keep track of it.  Pierre: jobs.... Katie: Jobs board has been working well..  Kids don't fight over being line leader.  "Vacation" from jobs for a week.  Also One more thing to set up.

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Developmentally appropriate to want to be first. "Parent Greeter" with a kid or two is working well.  Assigned jobs.

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Pockets of teachers use  it.  5th grade and gym teachers. Monthly Grizzly gatherings too.

Real talk: sometimes the choice is "do this or I'll call that Mom."  Go to Alaska and check it out or take a walk.

Spectrum students: routine conflicted with choice offerings.  Random popsicle sticks piece too.

Job board vs. "If you were around, you help cleaning." 4 years of repetition. Pearler Bead insanity sauce.

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Thought about the whole chapter: it seems like the author is arguing that when students start acting like toddlers, then it is appropriate/helpful to use toddler strategies with them.

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page 205:
"Offering two positive choices helps children upshift from an emotional state to an executive state. Two positive choices are not helpful for a child in the overwhelmed state . . two positive choices are also not the most helpful approach for children operating from an executive state."

This fits with behaviors I see in lower-elementary aged students.

I also agree with the idea of recognizing the choice even if it took a few minutes, or repetition, or if the choice was made with some huffiness . . .focus on the fact that the student is moving in a positive direction.

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Safe and Unsafe vs. Good and Bad
"They're hearing what we're saying and they're thinking that about themselves."
Growth Mindset for Staff and Students: It's OK to fail
Kids setting "personal goals" to harness competitiveness
Celebrating growth

Anchor charts "If my friend is... I can..."

You _______ so ___________. That's so ________________.

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We all make mistakes but we try hard not to.

Your word was bag, but I'm glad you want to keep the game going.

Consistency in messages: why is Student X not here any more?
Sometimes parents are not part of the academic solution.

This is not tutoring; we can lead the mule to water but you can't force the mule to drink it.  We're not horse whisperers.

You __________ so ____________. That was ___________.
How to use "praise language" to reinforce interconnectedness and relationship building?

pg 164 Commitment statement used in the beginning of the year?

Community builders can be rituals and vocabulary as well.

Helping vs. Rescuing:

Anchor Chart for Kindness and Zora Neale Hurston quote: I Love Myself When I Am Laughing And Then Again When I Am Looking Mean & Impressive

Deeper thinking for what it means to be kind.

Seeking attention vs. Connection: All behavior is communication
Connection involves a lot of empathy.  "What is it that makes her feel that type of way?"  Reminder of the importance of relationships too.

FIRMTH: PD on cultural competency issues. Older Cousin vs. Youth Development Worker.  Opting out of discipline to not be "that white man".

Cultural Competency PD for staff members

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Modify the "Ways to be Helpful" board on pg 180 into a Kindness display

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It puts the locus of control on the student to figure out a need also.  The teacher isn't the one "fixing it".   

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It puts the locus of control on the student to figure out a need also.  The teacher isn't the one "fixing it".   

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How might this look at program?

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Special vs. Unique
Attention vs. Connection
Noticing Success vs. Noticing Failures pg. 178 blue box

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Formula for noticing helpful and kind acts.
You ____ so _____.  That was _____.  Share with staff?  PG. 177

Has anyone bought the Shubert book or visited the portal? PG. 193

We have been having some unsafe behaviors in program lately.  I have been using the phrase "My job is to keep you safe. Your job is to help keep it safe."  It makes sense, right? PG. 186

One of our PIP goals was to add "planning" into our program for our little guys.  We made our planning about kindness and we are calling them kindness goals.  It has been sort of a struggle, so I shared this kindness tree idea with my ASC.  We might try to implement something like it to connect our weekly goals to a more visual project.  PG. 187

-KT

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Staff singling out a handful of positive student behaviors to communicate to parent at pick up.  Make it public that way too.

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Stressing "competition with self"

How does this tie in with the Unique vs. Special piece?

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pg 167 quote right under the blue text.  How is this translated into "kid speak" at your level...

We do not earn self-worth through accomplishments and getting.  We reaffirm or deny our worthiness every day in interactions with other people.  When we see others as lacking, we feel inadequate ourselves.  In this state of inadequacy, we experience ourselves as isolated and separate.  We feel lonely, and we project our fears and insecurities onto others.  We spend our lives trying to get our needs met.  Lifee becomes about getting instead of giving.

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pg. 175 Noticing for Encouragement is another rep of the skill of not putting "I" into it so it's about the kid and not the staff member

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I like the Two-Step Call for Help Teaching process on p. 170 because of it's involvement of the other students. It requires a solid community in place. 

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I like the Two-Step Call for Help Teaching process on p. 170 because of it's involvement of the other students. It requires a solid community in place. 

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- Rayna

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Healthy ways of perceiving behavior....I'll admit that I can fall into the "deserving vs. undeserving" perspective of behavior. 

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Healthy ways of perceiving behavior....I'll admit that I can fall into the "deserving vs. undeserving" perspective of behavior. 

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- Rayna

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"I am unique because_______ and it helps my school family by__________"  p. 164 

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"I am unique because_______ and it helps my school family by__________"  p. 164 

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I like this combination of connecting self-esteem with "being of service"

Our Jobs Board hasn't been well implemented this year but at the very least it promotes the idea of responsibility and ownership of the space.

- Rayna

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Joy Juice.
pg. 173:  "Face to face, high intensity, relational moments that involve eye contact, touch, and presence" produce joy juice.

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"Misbehavior as a Call for Help" reminds me of Betsy's "Functions of Behavior": Escape and/or Avoidance, Attention Seeking, Access to Materials and/or Environments, Sensory Stimulation

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p188:  "Being of service activates the optimal learning state of relaxed alertness, which leads to greater academic gains. . ."

Re:  The Job Board.   This was a successful part of our program last year, but we have not figured out logistically how to implement it with the shorter time and lack of a home base.

I am able to quickly see a student who is not engaged and see an achievable job for them to help with . . . this really gets many back on track, but I recognize that a system would be better so my staff would also be able to make this move.

Any suggestions for super flexible job systems (elementary)?

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p180:  "Structure the environment so children's gifts are made public. . . "

We call this "Appreciations", to go along with the IB Learner Attitude of "Appreciation."
Students and staff alike share at community meeting.

How do others do this? Any successes or pitfalls?

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p164:  "Most schools have competitive, individualistic school climates . . . this competitive striving systematically categorizes people as good and bad, haves and have-nots, winners and losers . . ."

This makes me think of sections on Social-Emotional Behavior from "Yardsticks" in which Chip Wood suggests that the best way for adults to help children with their natural competitiveness is to downplay competition rather than emphasize it (81, 113).

When does competition become developmentally appropriate?

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-Wanting to be a better model of focusing on the behavior I want for the kids instead of what I don't want... example: Use walking feet vs. Don't run.  How do we get our staff to get this as well? pg- 123
- Using noticing language vs. judging language. pg-128
- Modeling I-message behavior with kids. I don't like it when you/I feel ____ , because _____, next time ____. Making this the language students use when they are solving conflicts.

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Staff has erred on too passive instead of too aggressive.

Staffing point: "Calling for back up" when CD needs to get put in.  Staff habits with 1:1 based on last year.

Modeling Composure when we can't 1:1, structural piece about staffing in general.  How might we be able to change things going forward and fundamentally change staffing model if need be.

How can we manage one kid who needs the 1:1 when we need to also be operating in a small group situation?

Attempting to ask questions less when it's more of an expectation (i.e. Would you help me clean up?) and delivering statements instead.

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Lots of belly breathing  (BB) while reading based on tone.  Intentional design of repetitions.  Reading with the "to do" list in mind.  Recognizing triggers helped the reading happen better.

How to integrate different tools/pedagogies to see how they're all connected in some way.  Breaking down the silos.  How does this dovetail with the ABC observation tool method.  "Buddhist" meditations etc.

Executive State pg. 102.  Noticing is being mindful.

How to use in a high school setting: making the connections to other pedagogies make it seem more useful.

Pg 96 on the bottom: Looking at triggers, tame and reframe Unpack your own bag and do your own homework.  Cultural triggers as well as "button pushing".

Mirroring dovetails alongside aspirational goals for minority populations.  Why representation is so important.  Macro level as far as mirroring/noticing.

GIF response was well-appreciated.

How to keep composure when staff is frustrating... take a day to make that email more professional.

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Lead ABC yoga yesterday with Zig Zag breathing after a rough start to the day.  All sick staff led to reduced programming.  Angry kid wanted to hurt other people... OT volunteer was there ready to go.  Not as composed: "yelling" isn't a comfortable place and all triggers getting pushed right now.  Lack of control leads to anger, awareness of anger leads to reflection. Space issues are in the equation.

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"What do you want to be when i grow up?" --> Had to say NBA player...

Wednesday meetings with staff now, though not always with an intense agenda.

Working with staff expectation to notice postivitity in students and communicate that with parents at pick-up time as well.  Reinforces rapport with staff, students, parents.

Anecdote about student scratching another and trying to work with the "victim" and not just "running to the culprit". Understand that in many situations both students may feel victimized. Uses "I feel... when you... because... and I need..." language instead of the "Did you like that?" CD response.

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Timely re-reading of chapter. Yesterday less good than desired.  No supper --> Kelsey drives back to cook up supper.  Ice-breakers then quiet sitting and then eating.  In that mean time, Helen tries to punch Chris based on comments (She's a Clark! She can hit!).

Whoever you have placed in charge of your feelings is in charge of you.

Blame and attack instinctively follow a feeling of powerlessness.  Help children learn about their triggers.  Create safe/supportive environment.  Hostility leads to hostility (Fight) or flight (Retreat). Copnditioning to react to certain triggers.  Pg 97 last paragraph.

Pg 99: Fourth Paragraph: How is an adult supposed to remain calm and do all these discipline things when a student is yelling "shut up....".

Rapport with Serina was key, Moved student away.  Moving kids around and making that flexibility.

Intent: Training on how to talk to students when they don't want to talk, when they're amped up, when the staff member can't move away with a kid for a 1:1 situation.

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Had 1:1 meetings with staff last week, all need help with managing a kid with issues while still with the group.

Used questions from Restorative Justice card to work with both the "victim" and "aggressor" (need better words here). Questions on the cards are more matter-of-fact and less likely to stir up emotional reactions.

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Conflict: "Fat"-shaming kid had to call parent about it.  Make mistakes, we still love you, learn from it--> no patterns allowed though.   You're expected to make changes.

Staff understanding triggers/biases: behaviors exhibited by students might be reminding staff members about aspects of their own selves they disapprove of; reaction is perhaps "extra" due to that.  Did have one staff member who was let go for being more aggressive than passive when dealing with students.

Narrating Behavior:

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How to Manage Compassion Fatigue in Caregiving

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Downloading Calm
Power of Perception
As a new teacher, nervous and unsure turned into "Fake it until you make it".  Believe that you can make a difference and you can.

Oops:  Making mistakes and asking for forgiveness. Pride about having to grown and learn about students. Learning about kids makes the toolbox "tap one kid on the shoulder... don't touch me... my bad."

Regarding the assertiveness, saying "thank you" less often when a kid does what s/he is supposed to do. It's not about modeling politeness, it's about an expectation. Modeling politeness is always a good thing... what's the balancing act?

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Pam's Responsive Classroom resource.

https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/info-library/

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RJ moved academics back to before clubs.
Posting routines for each part of the day.
Trying to be less punitive.
Don't talk when they're also talking.
Collecting Data on kids' interrupting

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It's almost condescending.

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Also, her stance to use "effective praise" when students obey commands

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Structure and clear limits coaching, up to a certain point. I used to give particularly chatty and disrespectful kids a laminated card with exactly what they needed to do printed on it. I should go back to that...

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"If your attention is focused on the problem, it's not open to a solution" 121

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Right?! I just don't see some of these strategies as presented as working with middle schoolers. But I can understand the concepts and adaptations can be made

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New staff don't have that teacher voice, and tend to be more passive or aggressive.

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Not immediately equating student behavior with disrespect. It may be a "learned survival strategy" just as easily.

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What does site staff need to know/practice?

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What does site staff need to know/practice?

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“Daily schedules are essential for creating a sense of safety and predictably both at home and in school. Pg 155

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“Some culture instruct children not to make eye contact with adults....”

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The pink box on page 142 is one of many examples of where using a question is not effective in dealing with a behavior ("Why did you hit me? Did I hit you?")

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I literally just ready that quote, Pam, and was going to write it down too....

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"Assertiveness is a difficult journey for many, especially women and minorities . . . " (151).

How do people feel about this statement?

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How can we scaffold and teach our staff to use these statements authentically?

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Any thoughts on her stance on saying thank you to kids on page 135/136?

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Page 121 in the lower orange box: "Notice that even during minor upsets, you are focused on what you don't want to happen or what needs to stop immediately.... To focus on what you do want, you must be a calm model of self-control."

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In the "Giving Assertive Commands to Groups" on pg 140, the 3-step process resonates with me. I'm used the "I like what ____ is doing" but agree that using "I" made it about me and not the kids.

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Guiding the Most Challenging Children
Using Conflict to Teach: Conscious Discipline Webinar
Parent Cliff Notes for the Skills of Conscious Discipline Webinar