# data[].attributes.body
You try every trick in the book to get it together.

You make alarms. You sleep sooner. You listen to others criticism. You build yourself up. You encourage yourself. You pick up a new diet or lifestyle change to keep you focused. You blame yourself. You blame your mental state and stress. You blame those around you that enable your lazy bad habits. You over-analyze. You become stressed. You cripple under the looming and threatening conjecture that you have to “get your life together”. You break down.. A little. You break down.. A little more.. A little more.. It was the meds you were supposed to take! It was the work you fell behind on! And every hour like clockwork you charm your way through the reasons why you haven’t gotten it together yet. You try it all, and one day, the people around you are going to be fed up and not take your beating around the bush and brushing off and they’ll leave you to fail or slip up this time for good. You’ve considered dropping classes or taking on less work, in fact you say you’ll make the changes that are necessary for the lifestyle you wish to live, yet in the end you don’t. You continue to make excuses for yourself and try but keep brushing it off for another day’s worry.

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You try every trick in the book to lose weight. You try to diet. You stop eating fast foods. You start eating more vegetables. Then you go to that party and give in to 3 plates of tacos. You get a gym membership. You snapchat a picture of yourself at the gym. Then head over to Taco Bell. You realize you’re billed $20 from that one time at the gym. You tell yourself forget the gym and try watching youtube videos. Somehow you end up watching makeup tutorials and conspiracy theory videos. You realize this is not for you. You continue eating as much as you please.

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You try every trick in the book to be a man. You fall, and despite how badly it hurts, you get back up because you don’t wanna be a ‘little girl’. You listen to every word your dad says. You never talk to just one girl. You live by the phrase “Bro’s before Hoe’s”. You break every girl’s heart that you talk to. You never tell anyone you love them, and even resent the word because it’s ‘girly’. You shelter your emotions, and harbor your deepest, darkest thoughts. You tell yourself that no matter how much you love someone, that you’re being irrational. You want to be on ‘the grind’ 24/7. You want all the money in the world and just as many girls to go with it. You want a life you know is impossible to obtain. And eventually you come to your senses. You realize that only a real man can comprehend a emotion as complex as love. You realize that a real man can be content with the life he has, and the position he is in, yet still work on furthering themselves. You realize that a real man is not defined by society, but by what you define it as. You THEN become a man.

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“You try every trick in the book to trust a person.”

You claim you have trust issues. You let them tell you things. You tell them things. You blame the people from the past. You tell yourself this person isn’t the same as the others. You get their trust. You start giving them your trust. You find out people can actually be trusted. You start thinking positive about others. You find out that person has betrayed you. You start going back to the way you were. In the end you see that the changes you made don’t matter to the people you tried to trust.

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You try every trick in the book to sleep early. You take a warm shower. You read a little. You turn off your phone. You keep the lights out. You dress comfortably. You take sleeping pills.You count sheep. You claim that it's just not time - it’s still too early. You blame your busy schedule. You blame your work. You blame your busy life. You glance at the clock every hour during this struggle. Finally, you’ve had enough and decide you’re never going to sleep.

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You try every trick in the book to be happy. You try to be social. You try to make friends. You put yourself out there. You make yourself known. You put a smile on your face even when you have nothing to smile about. You ignore the haters. You blame your parents. You blame your siblings. You blame your aunts. You blame your uncles. You even blame yourself. You seclude yourself from the negativity that surrounds you. You turn to music. You turn to drawing. You long for the day when you can smile without it having to be forced. You long for the day when you no longer have to wear a mask to hide your true feelings. You don’t let the little things get to you. You keep your head up. You fight because you see your potential even if nobody else does. You work for your happiness. You do what makes you feel good. You turn to unnecessary actions to forget the pain for a while. Your life continues. You remain unhappy. You say you won’t give up. You say you will keep trying but in the end it’s too much and you end your pain.

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You try every trick in the book to keep up with your growing schedule. You follow people’s advice and make a To-Do list. You go to Walmart and buy an agenda. You place due dates for when things are suppose to be done. You go as far as to set up specific times and alarms for when you’re suppose to do something. You buy a watch to make sure you are doing things on time. You blame your dog for distracting you from your tasks. You blame your mom for talking about the latest chisme too loud. You blame the most popular Youtubers for uploading right before you were suppose to do your homework. You remove things from your To-Do list to make yourself feel better. You add a lot of simple easy things so you can say you did more. You claim it was too much, you claim it too little so you added more. It was the pressure to learn too much in too little time! It was being fangirl KPop trash! - and every hour like clockwork you say you want to do more but end up watching Koreans try to speak English instead. You try it all, but at the end of the day you accept the fact that you can’t do everything at once and being distracted every once in awhile isn’t always a bad thing.

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You try every trick in the book to keep your priorities straight. You try not to procrastinate. You try to maintain and balance extracurricular activities, school work, and family time. You try to save money. You avoid spending too much time on social media. You try and keep up with and read all the important emails that are being sent to you. You try and make time to apply for scholarships and completing college applications. You try and keep your room in decent shape. And through all of this, you simply must make it work along with finding the time after school to spend time with your family and keep up with their lives. Eventually, all of this work and extra time spent worrying about your future will pay off, the day you graduate from the college you are meant to go to, the day you have a family with the love of your life, this is the day this will all have seemed so very worth the stress.

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You try every trick in the book to convince yourself that he loves you. You smile more. You eat less. You talk to him even when he’s made you angry. You give him a home. You tell him not to worry about it. You push yourself to the edge. You forget all he has done. You forgive him.  You tell yourself he will change. You change everything about you. You pretend to be  happy. You swore you could fix him. You claim that he’s just lost and in need of help and that you can be the one to do it. You try it all but one day your heart simply says “No more”, and you will pack up your things and go. You always say you will come back, but never again.

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“You try every trick in the book to do your homework. You didn’t write the homework down. You try to remember what the homework is. You can’t find out what the homework is. You start to ask everyone for the homework. You start to bug everyone what the homework was. You ask your friends on snapchat. You start to ask people on imessage. You start to see that they aren’t responding. You start to look on snapchat and no one answered. You start to worry about what the homework is. You start to worry about how much homework there is to do. You see that no one is answering you and you start to keep texting them. You finally get a text back on snapchat saying they don’t know either. You wait until someone else texts back. No one else texted back so you keep on waiting. You finally waited a while until someone texted you on snapchat again. You see that they know and they give you it on snapchat. You now know the homework but you don’t understand it at all. You start to see that you need help. You now ask people for help but they don’t know how to do it too. You then wait to do that homework later. You start to do your other homework that you know how to do. You finish the homework that you knew how to do. You now need to figure out how to do the other homework that you need to finish. You don’t want to ask you friends for the homework again. You don’t want to copy the homework but you want it done. In fact you say you won’t ask for the homework to copy it. But in the end you do.”

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You try every trick in the book to start, you set alarms. you tell people to warn you. And yet nothing seems to help. Your only binge watching Netflix, negligent of your upcoming deadlines. You try and try but to no avail. Even though it hurts, there's no control. Its final, you're failing and you know why. You attempt to change, but even then it's not enough, it’s simply too late. Grades are falling and it's all your fault.

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You try every trick in the book to stop procrastinating. You lock yourself in your room. You leave your phone plugged into the charger. You try to avoid all distractions. None of that works. You open your chromebook to do an assignment and end up watching Youtube videos. You remind yourself you have other things that you need to do around the house. You stare at the wall. You nearly fall asleep. You tell yourself that you’ll do it later. You do it last minute.

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You try every trick in the book to finish your homework. You attempt being more organized. You buy yourself the supplies needed. You look for a comfortable place to sit down and work. You make sure you have snacks in case you get hungry. You turn on your music to concentrate. You close your door. You put your phone aside.
You  change into comfy clothes. You finally start after after three hours. Your phone beeps. You blame your friend on the other end. You blame the time. You blame your teachers for giving you too much homework. You blame your job. You blame your siblings for not knowing how to keep quiet. You blame your phone. You put it aside one more time. You start your homework once again. You finish half of the first problem. You check the time and notice something. You start watching some videos. You get distracted. Hours go by very quickly. It is close to midnight. You say you will wake up early and finish your homework the next day. In the morning you're too lazy to get out of bed. In the end you rush and try to finish your homework during class.

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You try every trick in the book to forgive.

You yell at them. You cry to them.

You interrogate them. You ask them how

they could be so careless.

You get angry and yell. You make them

delete others off of social media.

You make him block her when she tries

to slowly return into his life. You scream

irrational assumptions that

only make sense to you.

You blame her. You blame him.

You blame yourself.

You think it’s your fault as to why

it all happened.

Why?

You lose your sanity because

the mistakes left you wounded.

Nothing seems the same.

You miss that affection and compare what

you have to the assumptions you made.

You victimize yourself for the aftermath.

You are still in pain.

You want an apology for all that has happened.

You want to feel reassurance for the love

that is still there.

You just have not forgiven anyone.

You still hold on the the broken shards and

Think of the past rather than what is present.

You let it rule your life and relationship.

You want to let it go but still hold on.

You try every trick in the book to forgive

but I just don’t know how.

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You try every trick in the book to get in shape. You play sports. You join cross country. You run everyday. You get home everyday and realize this sport sucks. You start dieting. You make a list on what food is okay to eat. You look for apps to help motivate you to workout. You stop buying junk food. You stop eating out. You start going straight home instead of stopping at a drive thru after practice. You start eating greens. You start planning a healthy-eating plan. You realize eating healthy sucks and it’s too hard. You try working out. You get a membership at a gym. You start going every day to help get yourself in shape. You set a workout mix. You get distracted and have a dance party. You realize music doesn’t help. You ask to have a trainer. You go workout with them. You suffer through the first hour and realize trainers are torture machines. You skip the next hour to go to McDonald’s for a McFlurry. You remember junk food is too good. You remember soccer helps keep you in shape. You notice you aren’t helping yourself get in shape. You repeat this process over and over again. You see there's no improvement what so ever because in the end, you know you will never get in shape.

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You try every trick in the book to stop procrastinating. You try to start your assignments early. You look at  YouTube videos on how to stop procrastinating. You try to set up a schedule in order to do your assignments. You try to convince yourself that it's not a lot of work and that you can do it later. You start your assignments early only to stop doing them halfway and say you did enough. You say you are tired from being at school, but really it's because you are too lazy to do it.  You say you have a lot of homework to do but you don’t start it until the night before it's due. You start panicking the night before it's all due because there is a lot to do and you think you won’t be able to finish it. You want to cry and wonder if it is all worth it. You imagine your future if you failed you classes, which just makes you want to cry even more. You start feeling motivated and inspired to finish it. You blame teachers for giving so much homework. You drink coffee or energy drinks to stay awake. You end up sleeping really late and wake up extremely tired. You regret procrastinating so much. You promise you won’t do it anymore. In fact you start doing your assignments early for a while. But in the end you start to procrastinate and suffer through it all over again.

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You try every trick in the book to know how to love. You gave gifts to her. You wrote letters with hearts at the end. You wrote cheesy lines, quoting your funny self. You made her things that she enjoyed. You walked her to her class. You held her hand. You hugged her tightly, making sure she was the one that lets go. You kissed her rosy cheeks. You told her you loved her. You gave her your every shot. Yet you still didn’t know what love was. You blamed it all on yourself. Maybe you weren’t meant to love, you thought. You showed her your efforts. You watched her be patient with you. You watched her love you. You listened to her like the earth listens to the moon. You felt it. You know what love is because she showed you.

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You try every trick in the book to stay with him. You make time for him. You text him at every free minute. You tell yourself that it’s just a phase. You tell yourself you just need some personal time. You look at his ring and say to yourself, “I made a commitment”, and you try your hardest not to break that commitment. You play the “falling in love” playlist from Spotify on repeat. You do everything to convince yourself that you are still in love with him. You blame this empty feeling on school. On work. On family. You say you are just too busy for a relationship. You say you feel trapped. That your dad wants you to spend more time at home. That you’re tired. That you can’t go out this weekend because you have cross practice, band practice, homework, church, chores, family obligations. You tell yourself that maybe the two of you should just take a break, and that it will be better after. You tell him the same thing. You convince yourself that all of your mutual friends don’t already know, and that when they find out, that they won’t take sides. That it won’t be a big deal. That they don’t really care anyway. You tell yourself to stop worrying about what other people think of your relationship. You tell yourself that you did the right thing. That this is better than staying with him just to please everyone else. You tell yourself that he will be okay, even though you know he won’t. You look at the date and realize it’s only been three days even though it seems like an eternity. You tell yourself over and over that you really will get back together like you said you would. That you aren’t like that one horrible ex of his who did the same thing. That you will follow through on what you told him. Even though you know you won’t.

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You try every trick in the book to gain weight. You eat until you want to throw up, You eat junk food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You try to find the best foods to gain weight by using the internet. You want to buy all those foods. But your bank accounts are empty, just like your stomach. You don’t want to spend a thousand dollars on food that might not even work. You talk to experts on gaining weight, like the overweight friend that you always make fun of. He laughs because of how skinny you are and doesn’t help at all. You go on the internet again. You read about how lifting weights can help you gain weight. So you start lifting. You keep lifting. Months go buy and you’re getting stronger, but you are the same exact weight that you started it. You talk to people in the gym about what you should do. They tell you drinking protein shakes are essential to gaining weight. So you do just that. A month goes by and you only gain one pound. You try every trick in the book, but every time you step on that scale, you get the same results each time. You realize that maybe you aren’t suppose to be big. You realize that your parents aren’t that big. You just decide to accept the fact that you will always be skinny.

# data[].attributes.subject
You try every trick in the book to gain weight. You eat until you want to throw up, You eat junk food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You try to find the best foods to gain weight by using the internet. You want to buy all those foods. But your bank accounts are empty, just like your stomach. You don’t want to spend a thousand dollars on food that might not even work. You talk to experts on gaining weight, like the overweight friend that you always make fun of. He laughs because of how skinny you are and doesn’t help at all. You go on the internet again. You read about how lifting weights can help you gain weight. So you start lifting. You keep lifting. Months go buy and you’re getting stronger, but you are the same exact weight that you started it. You talk to people in the gym about what you should do. They tell you drinking protein shakes are essential to gaining weight. So you do just that. A month goes by and you only gain one pound. You try every trick in the book, but every time you step on that scale, you get the same results each time. You realize that maybe you aren’t suppose to be big. You realize that your parents aren’t that big. You just decide to accept the fact that you will always be skinny.

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You try every trick in the book to be apart of the favorites

You say hello with a smile.

You go to all the games and practices on time

You include everyone in pictures you take.

You show you're a leader and are willing to be apart of the team.

You put all your effort to look good in all of your performances.

You even try to lose weight to look good in your uniform.

You try every trick in the book to fit in with the team but you still feel like an outsider.

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You try every trick in the book to stop procrastinating. You make a calendar. You organize your calendar with each class. You start writing down due dates. You set up what you will do each day. You look at your phone apps and ps4 and decide not to use them. You can play later. You need to do your work. You start using that calendar and doing your work. You research online on how to manage time and stop procrastinating. You watch how to videos on youtube.You then start to watch other videos that are not about procrastinating because you get bored of looking up how to not procrastinate. You start getting distracted and do other things. You blame football. You blame school. You blame time. You start saying you will do it tomorrow. You do not do it tomorrow and then say you will do it tomorrow again. You check your calendar for due dates and it it due in two days. You say that you have time. You try every trick in the book to stop but every time you look at that calendar, you continue to say you have tomorrow to complete it. You realize that you cannot get rid of it because it is a part of you. You decide to continue on doing what you do because you still get it done before the due date and there is still not enough time in the world.

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You try every trick in the book to not feel alone. You meet new people. Slide into her ¨Dm¨. Try to get her attention. You get her number, she calls you smooth. You contemplate on calling her, flipping a coin, pros and cons. You don't call her. You blame it on the homework. You blame yourself. You call yourself names, stupid idiot. She texts you how you are. Read 5:12pm. She tell you goodnight, she put a period. You want to care for her. Again you want to call her. You don't. Why are you like this? Like always, you lose interest. She doesn't text you anymore. Streak dead,contact lost to the abyss. Rinse and repeat with another. Same result. There are no test corrections for a broken heart. I still feel alone. You busy yourself. You find a job to keep your mind off the feeling. It works at first, you're busy, you have money now. You buy things to feel better. You don't. You stop working out. Lost your progress, you're ashamed. You look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see?  You see a chance. A chance to start again, the chance for new opportunities to change,to get back on your feet. To find your silver lining. For esperanza, hope.

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You try every trick in the book to get abs. You look on pinterest for ab workouts. You look up on Youtube on how to get abs, You read on nutrition articles on how to get abs in 20 days. You refuse to eat cookies. You refuse to eat chips. You refuse to eat at any fast food places. You hear the voice in your head of your mom telling you to do abs everyday. You remember that you forgot to do abs this morning. You decide to cry in the inside and lay on the ground and do situps. You know how long you have to do sit ups in order to get abs. You walk into the kitchen and see cookies on the counter. You tell yourself no you don't need those just leave them alone. You can´t resist the cookies. You grab one and eat it and you thought to yourself another one can't hurt. You realize that sometimes you will just have to grab something sweet or salty if it's calling your name. You decide that one day you will have abs just have to keep doing them and it's okay to eat junk food once in awhile. Just have to understand the fact that you can't live without desserts.

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You try every trick in the book to try to not get in trouble at practice. You stay away from DeSilva. You always face forward and try to whisper when talking. You even try your hardest on the field. You bust your butt during condition and dare not laugh when you see a teammate gets chew on them from a coach’s mouth on them.  You never take a play off. You avoid the bench and the players that sit it in fear that coach will make them do something. You go to your lunch meetings. You are on time AND make sure you bring good food so the coaches won’t question that being the reason you are sluggish. You run everywhere. You take short water breaks. You never complain. You give in and mess around with the coaches or crack a joke. Coach blows the whistle and you run endzone. You think practice is over. Then Rocha says “Late club with coach Knox”. You realize it can never happen. You understand you can’t get out of it. You have to go bust your butt in conditioning too.

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You try every trick in the book to not procrastinate.

You set reminders. You write in your calendar.

You tell yourself you'll start early.

You tell yourself 5 more minutes of Netflix and then you’ll do the work.

You tell yourself you’ll only scroll through your social media for a couple minutes because you have homework.

You tell yourself after you eat this you'll do your work.

You set up a time frame to control your work.

You blame the teachers. You say they don’t understand how much you have going on.

You say they expect too much.

You blame your sport. You say it takes up too much time.

You claim there was not enough time given - Its too much work ! This is not enough time !

Every hour you come up with a new excuse.

You try it all, but no matter what you do you still end up procrastinating.

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You try every trick in the book to save your failing friendship. You don’t pick a side. You try to remove yourself from those situations. You put up with her condescending tone. You forgive her for her “mistakes” every single time. You “stop noticing” every time she puts you down. You claim it’s not her fault. You claim she’s going through a hard time. You blame yourself for not being a good enough friend. You blame yourself for not being so understanding. You never blame her though. You come clean to yourself eventually. You remove yourself from the friendship. You speak to her less. You give her a chance, time and time again to change. You try to be okay with her toxic friendship. You claim maybe you’re just terrible — it’s all your fault! None of the blame is hers!— and every hour like clockwork you poison yourself with this one lie. You try it all, but one day you will realize that the friendship was doomed not because of you, but because of her lack of trying. You consider the truth. You consider it all. And suddenly you’re free.

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You try every trick in the book to stay on your diet. You avoid Taco bell. You avoid Carl's jr. You make yourself weekly prep meals. You resist the urge to order a hamburger for a salad.You mark your calories. You do your best to do workouts .You only smell but not eat. You keep yourself motivated. You watch the health channels. You try your best for a week. You realize how much you miss fast food. You say to yourself just this one day. You then go back to your same old ways. You come to the conclusion that diets are lame. You don’t need to lose weight. You appreciate your body. You love your size and shape.

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You try every trick in the book to stop procrastinating. You write down reminders. You turn off your phone. You drink coffee to give you energy. You give yourself a pep talk. You see the dark circles under the eyes and promise yourself you will go to sleep early tonight. You try to get an early start. You tell yourself you can get it done in 30 minutes. You turn on your phone to double check your assignments. You get a text from a friend and think, “responding won't hurt”. Two hours later and you’ve scrolled through all your social media. Too much time on your phone gets you tired. You take a nap. You turn off your phone again and turn on your Chromebook. On the bookmarks tab you see “Netflix” and remember you left off on a cliffhanger on your favorite show. You click on the bookmark. After one episode you say, “one more episode”. It turns into 5. You look at the time. It's 11 p.m. You put on some music to keep you company while everyone else is asleep. You find yourself singing in front of your mirror with your hairbrush as a microphone. You realize that you have to get your assignment turned in less than an hour. You ask yourself, “why am I like this?”. You blame your parents. You blame your teachers. You even begin to blame the federal government and its Board of Education. You blame your friends and the rest of society. You delete your social media only to download it again the next morning. You try it all, but at the end of the day you don’t even remember the last time you went to sleep early. You promise yourself that you will never let yourself procrastinate ever again. But in the end you do.

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You try to be the perfect coach. You try to establish the best relationship with your students. You try to make them understand you love them. You try to make them realize you're doing this for them. You wish you had what they have now. You try to plan out every practice. You spend time behind the scenes to figure out how to be a perfect coach. You educate yourself. You observe. You analyze. You communicate. You blame the way you were raised. You blame the system in which you were born. You blame the community. You make plans to change it. You create a network. You ask yourself, how long will this take. You think back to how you were coached and what teachers you had. You surrender your pride to make every practice to where you also learn. You realize how young you are. You realize you will not receive the same respect from arrogant and idiotic coaches who have a single clue what soccer really is.  You decide to take a step back and realize, yes you are young. You realize your time will come where you will dictate and be the head honcho and get rid of the bad coaches who aren’t as passionate as you.

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You try every trick in the book to be healthy. You commit to being sugar free. You download a fitness app on your phone. You buy a yoga mat. You buy a water bottle. You drink lots of water. You eat a salad when everyone else is eating hamburgers. You get almonds at the liquor store. You turn down a cookie. You snack on some carrots. You make yourself smoothies. You drink tea before bed. You follow healthy eating accounts on Instagram. You follow easy exercise accounts on Instagram. But in the end, you give in. You search the house for two dollars. You buy some Takis. You think to yourself “I’m just a teenager, I don’t have to be healthy yet…”.

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You try every trick in the book to not procrastinate. You set up a planner. You make a to-do list. You start your homework the day it’s assigned. You then take a break. You check your Snapchat. You get back to work. You check your Instagram. You pick up your pencil. You put your pencil down and take a few minutes to scroll through your Twitter. You realize you’ve been scrolling for an hour. You blame your phone. You blame your friends. You even blame your mother. You blame the internet. You blame Tulare. You ignore the notifications. You start the same homework assignment again the day before it is due. You turn off your phone. You start the homework at ten and finish around three in the morning. You claim that you won’t do it again, you claim that you were weak—It was the phone! It was people!—and every hour like clockwork you tell yourself that you’re sorry for doing this again. You try it all, but every week you do it again and tell yourself, no more, and that’s the last time, and you will have to lose some sleep. You consider just not doing the assignment. You consider crying. In fact, you do cry. But in the end, you always do the assignment.

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You try every trick in the book to make it seem like you’re in dresscode.  You make sure to wear your hair down. You use both straps on your backpack. You even hike it up so that it covers your entire back. You look in your mirror from every angle imaginable checking to see if your facade is convincing. You bring all your hair to the front as a guard for your outfit. You now enlist others to help you. You dive for cover behind groups or make your friends cover you as you walk past APs. You walk around campus and ask your friends “do you see Mrs. Morton?” You reach your hangout spot and decide to move you hair or maybe you take off your backpack because it's practically the end of the day.  You think you’ve made it but you always hear ,“excuse me miss”.

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You try every trick in the book to get money. You are told all your life to go to college to get money and to get a good job. You go to college to try to earn money to get a good job while at the same time you are spending money to pay for college. Your parents put all this pressure on you in school to get good grades. You get older and realize that grades are not what you should be defined by, you should be defined by on how much intelligence you receive. You don't know what to believe when you're in highschool, you see posters everywhere of colleges and you hear of all these college meetings but you just want to be happy. You then want money because cash rules everything around you. You see famous people on t.v. “happy” with all their money so you decide to fill out college applications to go to college but you know that they cost money. You go out and sell some items to make money. You are in your adventure to get money then you began to get disconnected for what is really important in your life. You go all out and sell everything you have and realize you have nothing. That is not true. You have what really loves you. Money does not love you, it may always be good to you but then it can ruin you. You hear about how money brings jealousy, You then think you are going against exactly what you preach, You got jealous of those famous people getting money. You got your family and that is all that matters, money is just the extra

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You try every trick in the book to get perfect makeup. You rid your face of oil and dirt with a cleansing mask. You wear an expensive primer that’s supposed to cover your pores. You wear a matte foundation to combat the oil. You buy several concealers to find the one that covers the best. You use translucent powder to set your foundation and keep everything matte. You buy an expensive contour palette and you use a beautiful blush. You use several shades for eyeshadow and top it off with a winged liner. You then use your best highlighter to glow. You then wear your good lipsticks and nice mascara, and finish everything by using your setting spray, meant to control the oil. You’re eyeliner isn’t the same in both eyes. Your pores are still visible. You already see your t-zone getting oily. You take a breath and realize your makeup will never be perfect. You accept the fact, and you’re happy with what you are able to do.

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You try every trick in the book to live up to society’s expectations. You wake up early and make sure you are on time for school. You give your undivided attention in every class. You take AP classes even though you know you can’t keep up with the hectic nature of such a life. You play sports or get involved in clubs, because you know your parents want you to. You keep up with a life way too sporadic for a teenager. You try and beat the physical growth rate of your body, with your mental growth rate. You will try and try and again to be the bigger person, and you tell yourself you are being mature, and at the slightest glance of immaturity, you shun yourself. You try and ‘grow up’ at triple the rate you should. You try and you try again to be an adult, before your time has come. Yet, you still manage to eventually relax and enjoy life. You realize that maturity doesn’t come with age, or having all the money in the world, or going to Harvard, but it has everything to do with the self-realization that it is much more mature to be happy with yourself and the path you want to pursue, than to live a life someone else wants you to live.

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You try every trick in the book to find a significant other. You dress nice. You smell good. You read          articles on tips to getting a girlfriend. You buy books on what makes a perfect boyfriend. You skip over the post of all the couples hugging all over each other. You don’t need to remember that you’re single. You watch romantic movies. You look up pick-up lines. You remember to wear deodorant. You do you hair. You go shopping, yes, collared shirts only. You blame your bad looks. You blame your friends. You blame the girls for not realizing how amazing you are. You look in the mirror. You realize what the problem is. You are ugly. You can’t get a girl.

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You try every trick in the book to save money. You avoid Ross. You avoid Starbucks. You avoid looking online at shoes. You blame it on your searching eyes. You blame it on the car. You blame it on the your mother. You remind yourself of the upcoming college costs. You remind yourself that you have to buy gas to drive your car. You remind yourself of your current unemployment. You try every trick in the book yet the cost of your checking account gets lower and lower. You realize that you need to save money. You stop buying items and realize that it wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be.

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You try every trick in the book to break a steer. You bring him feed. You take him to water. You leave him tied to a fence. You pet and brush him. You give him baths. You scratch his sweet spots. You get rammed. You get kicked. You get drug through the dirt. You blame the generator. You blame the radio. You blame the steers around him. You blame people moving too fast. You find an expert. You ask for help. You give him all your time and attention. You start walking him more and he begins to fight. You claim that you can handle him-He’ll calm down! I can hold him!- and every hour like a worried mother you check on him and offer him grain. You try it all, but every day he will simply refuse to cooperate and you will have to tie his head high and avoid his back legs. You consider giving up. In fact you look at other calves. But in the end, you’re not a quitter.

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You try every trick in the book to be free. You act responsibly. You drive safely. You save your money. You have a 12 step plan detailing your steps to leaving this place. You make an excuse for this year, and then the next. You blame your parents. You blame your schooling. You blame fate. You claim this town is cursed! You go to community college, you find a job, you meet a girl. Every day you say tomorrow. You tried it all but one day you wake up and you’re 30 years old with two babies in Tulare CA. You consider moving but in the end of the day you’re only in Tulare.