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As a first year teacher, I feel like I am always walking on egg shells. I try very hard to go under the radar and not step on anyones toes. So when a situation arises, a parent emailing me and CCing the administration, I become frantic. Parents having their own opinions on my grading practices or teaching styles and trying to go over my head to change something so its more in favor for their child. I try very hard to not take that personally but it is difficult because in college we aren't taught how to handle these situations. So if I can look at the situation from an outside source, I can see that in all reality I did nothing wrong and that parent is just trying to support their child. I really like the idea of looking at difficult situations from a 3rd party, I believe this will help me feel more at ease.

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Teaching for most is not only a profession, but a calling. It's not for everyone and when you do a good job you usually get invested. As many of you probably do, I come to school early, I stay late, I plan engaging and fun activities for my students. I put my heart and myself into my teaching and classroom, therefor when there is negative feedback I find it hard not to take it personally. Be it a comment from a parent or students, I should try looking at the situation like a fly on the wall. It would probably help me to not take things so personally.

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I was hoping that we wouldn't get to this type of question, and I avoided answering it in the past padlets.
For me, this has been my most struggling year, not because of the shutdown 3rd trimester (which was a bear), but my moral as a teacher.  In November, I was walked out of school at 2:00 (school ended at 2:15) by my administration.  I had to give up my keys and badge and was given a paper stating that I was under investigation for a serious misconduct or something stated like that.  My administration didn't give me any other information.  It was a Thursday and they said to contact my union president and go from there.  Long story made short, I did that and there was nothing that I could think about that I did or said to a student that would make this happen.  I spent Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday night sleepless wondering if I would have a job to come back to or even worse.  On Tuesday morning, I met with our head of HR and found out 5 minutes before the meeting that I was reported by a student that I made a comment stating, "I don't mind going back to prison, I miss my friends and the taco Tuesdays are the best....."  I remember saying something like that but it was to one of my middle school wrestlers who I have a great rapport with and was meant as a joke.  The moral of the story is that I still struggle with this situation and how it was handled by my administration.  It took about a month before I could walk back into school feeling somewhat normal and feeling like it was the home I worked so hard to be a part of.  I honestly wanted to quit teaching all together, but there is a little blind student that gives me hugs everyday and he is what got me through these times.  The fly on the wall would see me as a person who is who I am and cares about kids and making relationships through humor.  I know now, in these times, you really have to watch what you say and really be super careful on who you trust.
Learning from this, I totally get it was an insensitive comment if you have students who have parents or relatives who are or have been incarcerated but to be walked out and sitting at home for 5 nights not knowing what you did and trying to explain to my wife that I might be getting fired is crazy to me.
From here on out, I will be watching what I am saying and how I respond to students knowing that I am probably under a watchful eye.  It is frustrating that all the work I did in this program and implementations I put in place made such a HUGE difference in my gym and to have it all get blown up and to this day, there still has not been a meeting with administration for a follow-up.  I still don't know the background of the student who wrote me up...........

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It is really interesting to think about different situations and scenarios in someone else's' shoes.  I am someone that can sometimes take things personally. I know that it is important to take a step back and to think about things before you start getting worked up over something. During the summer I work at a daycare center and today one of the teachers left for an appointment that was very out of the blue. I said, "what if she doesn't come back today?!" The other teacher said that there is a good chance that it could happen because she has been trying to leave early every single day. During this situation I reminded myself that I need to have positive intentions of people because I don't know why they left- there might be a good reason! Thinking positively about people/ things is always key!

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Viewing situations from someone else's shoes and assuming positive intent is a mindset I try hard to live in. I also try to remember that I have no idea what that person's day/week/month/life has had in store for them. I have 8 year old students who have seen/heard things in their lives that I will never experience and can't even begin to imagine. I also think back to the introduction of Onward (2018): "Between stimulus and response there is space" (p. 1)  When we take the time to utilize that space we get the perspective of being be the fly on our own wall.

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This is something that I have tried to work on in the past and know that I have improved but also know that I have a long way to go. It is a very tough thing to think about during the conversation or confrontation. I usually end up looking back on the conversation and wishing I had said this or that or handled it differently. What I think the observer would see though through all of this is someone who really does care about the students. It can be something simple like a few tardies or more serious like cheating on an exam I will try to hold conversations with my students to hold them accountable.

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I have learned about perspective taking before and since then I have always tried to make sure that I view all perspectives before jumping to a reaction. I think this is something that we could keep being refreshed on over and over again. As teachers we give our whole heart to our students and our work and when we get feedback on anything that involves our students or our classroom we immediately feel put down. It is so important to take a look at what the different perspectives might be and then if it is still bothering us then calmly sit down with the person and talk it through.

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It's hard to be in a job where we pour so much of ourselves into every day. When parents or administrators comment on classrooms or give feedback, it's hard to not take it personally because it's our hearts in those classrooms. I like the idea of pretending to be a "fly on the wall" and trying to see all perspectives. I know that comments shouldn't always be taken personally because I don't know what that other person is going through either.

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In general... no matter who it is.. if someone says something to me that could be taken personally... I do. This could be parents, colleagues, friends, family members, etc. As I have learned and grown, I have tried to remind myself when dealing with someone who isn't saying kind words to me or is dealing with a situation poorly.. that their actions have more to do with themselves than they do me, personally. For example, this year I called a parent of a student who was refusing to do work and was no responding to my prompts. The parent told me he was upset with me and the way I handled the situation by calling him and having the student present while we were talking to each other about my concern. In the moment, I was completely caught off guard with his tone he was using with me and the degree of his frustration with me. I was simply trying to get his child back on track and successful at school; I wanted the student to know that I was on the same page as the parent(s). In discussing the situation with my colleagues and principal, they told me this parent was taking out other frustrations on me than the one I was presenting to him. It's easier to understand and process that after the situation is over for me, but while I am going through it.. it's really hard for me to not take it personally and to heart.

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I think in the past when I have had parents question me about a decision I made, my first reaction would be to get defensive about it. I often would respond in the midst of all the inner emotions I was feeling about the situation. I have learned throughout the years, with the help of my principal, that often parents have other things that may be bothering them when they respond negatively. I had to stop thinking about as a direct comment to me and more of a frustration of multiple things. This has helped me to take a step before responding and gain a better perspective. It can be a hard skill, especially for me as I am very emotional.

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In my first 4 years of teaching, I definitely was a reactive teacher and it made my classroom management very chaotic in my biggest classes. Since then I have been practicing objective responses and it has been completely effective. Having kids of my own has also helped me see things from my students' perspective and I am very grateful for that. My main tactic is not to address issues at present moments ever. I give one warning for poor behavior and if the behavior persists, I simply ask the student to stay after class. This way I don't have a power struggle during class and I don't have to call out a student in front of their peers. I always try to treat my students with respect an think of the situation from their perspective. Making students feel like you value their thoughts changes everything for the better.

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I always do my best to put myself in the perspective of the other person involved in a situation in which my feelings are hurt or I am offended by what somebody said or did. I am sensitive and sometimes have a hard time getting over somebody's hurtful words but it helps me to ask myself what the other person is going through at the moment, why they may have reacted that way, etc.

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I find it hard to be a fly on the wall in a situation that I have been involved in, but I have been working on it. I have been working on listening more and not responding. In many tense situations I have found that the other person needs time to vent and once they have vented we have been able to have a rational conversation. This is still a work in progress.

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This is something interesting to think about. When I was looking back about at a situation that happened this year with a parent and took a step back to see what they would see I got a new perspective. I know that often when something happens it is my first reaction to go in defense mode. Zooming out can allow for more clarification on the situation and helps me gain perspective. What I was taking as one way was clearly seen another way. When my eyes were opened to that the incident became much different. I am very much a person that runs off of emotions so I am trying to zoom out more but it can be challenging.

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By reflecting on previous situations that caused an emotional reaction, there is a certain clarity from being able to step back and process the entire situation.  This activity reminds me of the saying "Hindsight is 20/20."   The challenge is to then try to pause in the moment of the high stress situations, and be able to take a "fly on the wall" approach, to zoom out, and see the situation as a whole without the emotions skewing your perspective.  This is definitely something that is difficult to do, but is very beneficial if you are able.

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Zooming out and viewing a situation from an outside perspective can be very challenging. I know that a weakness of mine is taking things too personally. I really resonated with "we get caught up in the details of how someone's words or actions made us feel". I know this is me, and I have been working really hard at changing that. I think the 'zooming out' strategy may be very helpful for me because it disconnects me a little bit from the situation and allows me to see and think more clearly. By being a fly on the wall I am able to see the bigger picture of what the other person's intentions might be, and not take their words/actions so personal. We have heard so much about social distancing these past few months, maybe it's time I start self-distancing a little bit as well when these situations arise!

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I think it is really interesting to think about situations and circumstances from somebody else's lens and perspective. It is important to think about the "fly on the wall" and to reflect on how a person not involved would respond and react to the same situation. Often times, we tend to react fast and emotionally and don't think right away about the consequences of how we respond. However, it is important to think about these things and keep them at the forefront of our mind. We need to own up to what happened and take the emotion out of it.

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I think it can be so hard to take a step and look at a situation from an outsider's perspective, but when we do it can have such an amazing impact on the situation. This year I had a student who after a couple weeks of school became very defiant and would tear apart my room on a daily basis and sometimes more than once. Administration and I had conversations with both mom and dad. They gave every possible reason why the behavior was happening. "He didn't do this last year, he's just hungry, he must have had gluten, he's never done anything like this at home, and many more." At the time I was very frustrated because the other students in my class were afraid and my room was getting destroyed on a daily basis. We spent several months going back and forth with them, making phone calls, sending him home, etc. When I step away and think about it from a parents point of view it helped give me a better understanding of how they were possibly feeling. I have two boys and I would do anything if it meant helping them succeed, but if the situation was reversed and someone was telling me my son had Autism and needed help it's hard to know how I'd react. It's your perfect baby and you potentially need to let go or adapt some things you had planned. Looking at the situation from a different perspective really helped me have a better understanding of where they were coming from.

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This is a really good topic to reflect on right now. I think when things go wrong we have to look at the situation head on. It is easier to just blame someone else or blame the situation but it's more impactful to think about it in a different way. I think it's important to not make excuses when something goes wrong and just own it and move on.

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People often tend to react initially with their emotions. I know I find myself doing this often unless I intentionally think about the perspective of the other people involved. Taking the time to practice having a self distanced perspective is so important when trying to resolve tension in a peaceful way; keeping the perspectives of everyone at the forefront of your mind. One example that came to my mind right away was a parent that was upset about distance learning. She was not taking her frustration out on me personally but she expressed how unfair it was to expect her child to do all the work when both her and her husband were still working during the day and were not around to support her child. Once I took myself out of the conversation, I was able to understand how it would feel SO overwhelming to try to juggle work, home responsibilities, and supporting a student who was reluctant to get work done. Instead of coming across in a defensive approach, I was able to come up with a plan to try to help her son be successful.

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I think it's basic human nature to internalize how tough situations make us feel. As human beings, we tend to think about our own emotions first and often assume that we're in the right. That's why it's so important to try and establish a self-distanced perspective when dealing with these types of situations. During distance learning, I had a conflict with a parent who voiced her frustrations with me about how unfair distance learning was. She expressed her resentment and said "I'm not the teacher, YOU are, so figure it out!" At first I felt personally attacked for something that was outside of my control, but then I tried to put myself in her shoes and gain some insight on her perspective. Once I was in that frame of mind, I was able to formulate a more empathetic response to her and it reminded me how distance learning also took its toll on parents, not just teachers and students.

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When challenging situations come up, it is easy to jump to conclusions! It's important to gather as much information as possible. That information should come straight from the source, not second hand. We have had a few challenging years in our building. I know that several people were frustrated with our administration. Some people had valid reasons and others just got on the band wagon. I was the fly on the wall. I wanted to see and find the positive in all situations that came up. Our principal is moving to a different school this next year. I had the opportunity to talk with her one on one the last week of school. It was a great conversation and she shared a lot with me. I now have a clearer picture of who she is and why she made some of the choices she did.

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This past school year we had a student that was a selective mute. While it was frustrating for us as a staff, we were told a little about her trauma and completely understood. It was amazing to see how the students responded to her. Eventually she started to open up as she gained the trust of the adults at school. However, trauma struck again as her dad from down south gained custody and she left 8 hours later. It is interesting how just a little information helps gain such a greater understanding.

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Earlier this year I had a boy who started acting out one month into school. Prior to that he was a great listener he had some issues in the previous grade but we were starting off on a good foot and we respected each other. Shortly after one month in he was maintaining respect with me but was starting to be disrespectful in any other classroom he went to and on the playground. Right around the same time we had parent teacher conferences and his parents told me that there was a large family matter going on at home that was directly impacting him on a daily basis. At first I thought our honeymoon period was over at school but I was appreciative that the parents felt comfortable sharing with me what was going on at home to help me understand why some things were starting to happen at school. After I had my own kids I feel like I have a better understanding of students as a teacher and a parent. It has opened my eyes to a completely different light of understanding.

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During the last few weeks of school, my administrator became very distant and was not communicating as usual. I was skeptical as what that could mean for our school and positions. Upon taking some time to visit with him, I found out the stress of contracting COVID-19, distance learning, and hiring had been taking a toll. This helped me to see the bigger picture and try to support in the areas that I could. It also made me realize how important it is to see the bigger picture.

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Sarah Petersen- Fly on the Wall Reflection

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Sarah Petersen- Fly on the Wall Reflection

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During distance learning I had a situation with a parent where I felt attacked for reaching out about her child's work. After having another conversation with the parent I find out that she is now the only active parent for my student and she recently was given a large promotion at her job (essential worker). This gave me a different perspective of the situation and what they are going through. I was able to give a little more grace knowing the situation.

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I recently had a situation with a friend that became very distant for a little while. During this time I was feeling slighted and hurt because I had not heard back from this particular friend. Come to find out about two weeks later when we caught up she explained what she had going on in her life and I completed understood why I had not heard from her. My perspective changed from being hurt to being empathetic. When we get caught up in the emotions of a situation we are unable to think clearly or gain any perspective.