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Free Debt Advice and Support | National Debtline

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Get free, confidential debt advice from an independent England and Wales debt charity. Call, chat online, or use My Money Steps for expert support today.

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A great resource to help you to break things down with children, helping them to become problem solvers and reduce episodes of stress, anger, withdrawing from an activity or even violence.

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Work through these steps with your child, ideally when you are both calm and able to manage your emotions.

● Ask your child to describe the problem from their point of view. This helps them think about what caused it in the first place. For example, say ' It looks like you are arguing with your brother. Tell me what the problem is?

● Listen to what they said then summarise the problem. This will help them to understand what the problem is. For example, 'So you both want to play with the same toy'.

● Show your child that you understand their feelings about the problem. This can help them feel validated. Then they can think about possible solutions - it's hard to do that when you're focused on being angry and upset.

● Encourage your child to suggest solutions. Encourage them to be creative. Only offer ideas if they get really stuck, or if you need to get them to think about the words they might use. For example, your child says "I should ask him for the toy". Then you say "so what might you need to say to him when you ask him".

● Talk to your child about how their solutions might make the others involved feel. This will help them develop empathy as well as being a great way to find solutions. For example, ask them ' What do you think your brother feels like when you take the toy from him without asking?'

● Ask your child to think about what could happen when they try out a solution. This can help them prepare what they will do next. For some children imagining future consequences is hard, so it's ok to give more direct support in this step.

● Help your child to choose which of their solutions would work best by picking one that is safe, fair and that will lead to good feelings.

● Encourage your child to talk with you about how it went when they tried out their solution.

If your child is between 4-6, you can practice this in play. Use a puppet and pretend the puppet has a problem that children that age often have. Then ask your child to think about some solutions to solve this problem for the puppet.

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Place2Be: Parenting Smart: Problem-solving with Children

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Work through these steps with your child, ideally when you are both calm and able to manage your emotions. ● Ask your child to describe the problem from their point of view. This helps them think about what caused it in the first place.

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Young Minds charity offer a step by step guide to getting children talking and what to do if they just aren't ready to

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Giving our children and young people opportunities to open up is one of the biggest things we can do as parents and carers to support their wellbeing. It can be easy to forget the simple power of sharing what we're going through and feeling heard. But even though you can't fix everything when your child is struggling, you can make them feel seen and understood - and this in itself can make them feel more able to cope.

Talking about how they are, how their day has been and what's on their mind as part of everyday family life shows your child that you're interested in them and want to listen. It also supports them to practise thinking and talking about their feelings, helping them to get to know themselves and what they need.

But talking isn't always easy. You might feel like you don't know where to start, when a 'good time' is, or how your young person will react. Or, you might be worried about making things worse or saying the wrong thing. If this is the case, try to remember that your child doesn't need you to always get it right - they just need to know you're there.

Here, you can find lots of ideas, conversation starters and advice for making talking easier.

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How to Talk to Your Child about Mental Health

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Read our advice on how you can talk to your child about mental health and encourage them to talk about their feelings.

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Stress Busters | Save the Children's Resource Centre

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School closings, sick friends and family members, isolation at home - these and other factors can cause anxiety and stress for children during this coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic

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Fortunately, specific behavioral changes and adjustments to the sleep environment will help most children with insomnia. We've compiled the top tips that are proven to help kids sleep. The recommendations outlined here are best suited for toddlers through early adolescence. Both babies and teens will have specific considerations of their own.

These lists may seem long, but you don't need to implement them all at once. It's better to focus on trying a few small changes, giving them time to work, and then adjusting your approach based on how your child responds.

Keep in mind that every child's sleep needs will vary based on their age, genetics, and cultural differences. Therefore, not all approaches will work equally well for all children, and there can be an element of trial and error. However, your patience will be rewarded in time as your little one learns to fall asleep quickly on their own and keep sleeping soundly through the night.

Sleep hygiene - a collection of habits and behaviors that promote good sleep - is vital for children. Many sleep struggles are caused or made worse by poor sleep hygiene. When practicing sleep hygiene, remember that consistency is key. Sleep strategies take time and repetition to be effective.

Create a Routine: Humans are creatures of habit. A lets your child's body and mind know that it's time to settle down and prepare for sleep. The actual routine can be specific to your child, but it should last around 20 minutes and consist of three to four quiet, soothing activities such as putting on PJs, brushing teeth, a warm bath, and reading. Bedtime routines provide children with a sense of familiarity and comfort, which acts in direct opposition to the uncertainty of insomnia.

Set a Bedtime: A sleep schedule works with your child's natural biological clock to promote dozing off with regularity. Bedtimes are most useful when they're consistent, so try to keep the same bedtime on weekends as on school nights. Altering bedtimes during the weekend will make it more difficult for kids to maintain their normal weekday schedules.

Implement a Screen Curfew: The ubiquity of screens makes this rule hard to implement, but it's well worth it. Mobile devices, TVs, and tablets emit a type of blue light that suppresses melatonin, a hormone that promotes sleep. Children may be to the effects of light from screens. Screen time also stimulates the brain, making it harder to wind down for sleep. Electronic devices should be kept out of the bedroom and ideally not used within one hour of bedtime. Consider using the created by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Get Exercise: Physical activity is proven to help people of all ages . Most children need at least of exercise per day. Just make sure to avoid vigorous activity within two hours of bedtime. Otherwise, your child may feel wound-up and find it harder to fall asleep.

Avoid Scary or Violent Content: Feeling scared or worried is a common reason kids can't sleep. So it's no wonder that scary or violent movies, TV, video games, and even books in the evening are in children. If your kiddo likes the gory or spooky stuff, save it for the daytime.

Nix Caffeine: This is a no brainer. Caffeine is a stimulant that can both make it harder to fall asleep and reduce the quality of sleep. In addition to the usual suspects like soda, coffee, and energy drinks, watch out for more discreet sources like tea, decaf coffee (which still has trace amounts of caffeine) and chocolate. Even small amounts of caffeine can have a in a little body. Don't let your child consume caffeine , or preferably, avoid it all together.

Don't Sleep With a Pet: While it's tempting for tots to snuggle Fido in bed, a pet's movements and noises during the night can awaken them from a peaceful slumber. Try having your furry family member sleep outside of your child's bedroom for a few nights to see if that helps. To make the transition easier, include saying goodnight to pets in the bedtime routine.

Optimizing your child's bedroom is an integral part of inducing quick and seamless shuteye. People with insomnia are more likely to be distracted by an uncomfortable bedroom National Library of Medicine, Biotech Information The National Center for Biotechnology Information advances science and health by providing access to biomedical and genomic information. View Source , which makes sleep even harder. These tips can help you create the perfect sleep setup for your little one:

Room Temperature: The body and brain both in preparation for sleep, and this can be disrupted by a stuffy bedroom. To avoid this, try to keep the thermostat around 65 degrees.

Noise: Research suggests that even mild sound disturbances can , even if the sleeper never awakens. Consider noise-blocking curtains to cut down on street noise. You can also use a fan or white noise machine to drown out unpredictable or distracting sounds.

Light Level: Start dimming indoor lights as bedtime approaches, and keep your child's bedroom as dark as possible. This and . If your child is afraid of the dark, a small nightlight is okay.

Soothing smells: Calming scents like can have mild sedative effects. You might try using essential oils, a room diffuser, or dried potpourri sachet to provide a soothing, sleep-inducing smell.

Unfortunately, childhood anxiety is steadily rising Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) As the nation's health protection agency, CDC saves lives and protects people from health threats. known to disrupt sleep Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) ADAA's mission focuses on improving quality of life for those with anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and co-occurring disorders through education, practice, and research. View Source . Stress is View Source in all ages, so anything that can reduce worrying before bed is helpful. Help your child learn to manage their concerns with these tactics:

Write In a Journal: Encourage your child to get their anxious thoughts out of their head and onto paper. It can also help for them to write about the good things that happened in the day. Focusing on the positive will help children feel more secure.

Mindfulness Exercises: Mindfulness exercises like meditation are proven to . There are many kid-friendly meditations that parents and children can do together. These often consist of simple breathing techniques, body awareness, or guided imagery. Look to books, tapes, and even smartphone apps for ideas.

Create a Worry Time: It's okay to discuss worries, just not at bedtime. Set aside a specific time during the day for your children to discuss their concerns and how to cope with them. This can free children of the need to dwell on worries before bed.

It's normal for even the best little sleepers to awaken from slumber and ask for a parent. When your child cries out for you, it's okay to tend to them. However, you should do so with intention. This is not the time to give in to demands, as doing so can increase stimulation and make it harder to fall asleep. Fulfilling your child's every request can also reinforce an unhelpful pattern of relying on parental assistance for sleep.

Instead, keep the checks short and simple. The point is to provide your child with reassurance that they're safe and cared for, while still fostering their ability to self-soothe and sleep on their own. Some parents may even wait a few seconds before answering a call so that their child has the opportunity to fall back asleep on their own.

If you have any doubt over whether your child's nighttime checks are appropriate, consult your child's doctor for guidance.

If your child continues to have trouble sleeping despite your best efforts, it may be time to check in with their pediatrician. Although uncommon, there can be more serious causes of childhood insomnia, such as childhood sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome.

Any of these reasons are cause to involve a doctor:

Significant daytime sleepiness

Frequent or severe snoring or other abnormal breathing during sleep

Suspected psychological or developmental condition

Considering medications or supplements to aid in sleep

For a couple of weeks before the doctor appointment, it can help to keep a sleep diary. This is a nightly recording of your child's bed time, nap times, sleep length, and activities. A sleep diary helps to identify patterns and possible problems to address.

Learn more about our Editorial Team

References

1. Esparham, A. (2020, January 2). Melatonin and Children's Sleep. HealthyChildren.Org.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/Melatonin-and-Childrens-Sleep.aspx

2. Mindell, J. A., Li, A. M., Sadeh, A., Kwon, R., & Goh, D. Y. (2015). Bedtime routines for young children: a dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 38(5), 717-722.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25325483/

3. LeBourgeois, M. K., Hale, L., Chang, A. M., Akacem, L. D., Montgomery-Downs, H. E., & Buxton, O. M. (2017). Digital media and sleep in childhood and adolescence. Pediatrics, 140(Suppl 2), S92-S96.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29093040/

4. Family Media Use Plan. (n.d.)., Retrieved September 23, 2020, from
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/media/Pages/default.aspx

5. A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia. (2017, August 30). Benefits of Exercise., Retrieved August 30, 2020, from
https://medlineplus.gov/benefitsofexercise.html

6. A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia. (2017, August 30). How Much Exercise Do I Need?., Retrieved August 30, 2020, from
https://medlineplus.gov/howmuchexercisedoineed.html

7. Garrison, M. M., Liekweg, K., & Christakis, D. A. (2011). Media use and child sleep: the impact of content, timing, and environment. Pediatrics, 128(1), 29-35.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21708803/

8. Temple J. L. (2019). Review: Trends, Safety, and Recommendations for Caffeine Use in Children and Adolescents. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 58(1), 36-45.
https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0890856718318847

9. Drake, C., Roehrs, T., Shambroom, J., & Roth, T. (2013). Caffeine effects on sleep taken 0, 3, or 6 hours before going to bed. Journal of clinical sleep medicine : JCSM : official publication of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 9(11), 1195-1200.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24235903/

10. Narisawa H. (2013). Anxiety and its related factors at bedtime are associated with difficulty in falling asleep. The Tohoku journal of experimental medicine, 231(1), 37-43.
https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/tjem/231/1/231_37/_article

11. Harding, E. C., Franks, N. P., & Wisden, W. (2019). The temperature dependence of sleep. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 13, 336.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31105512/

12. Van Der Werf, Y. D., Altena, E., Schoonheim, M. M., Sanz-Arigita, E. J., Vis, J. C., De Rijke, W., & Van Someren, E. J. (2009). Sleep benefits subsequent hippocampal functioning. Nature neuroscience, 12(2), 122-123.
http://www.nature.com/articles/nn.2253

13. Burgess, H. J., & Molina, T. A. (2014). Home lighting before usual bedtime impacts circadian timing: a field study. Photochemistry and photobiology, 90(3), 723-726.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24918238/

14. Gooley, J. J., Chamberlain, K., Smith, K. A., Khalsa, S. B., Rajaratnam, S. M., Van Reen, E., Zeitzer, J. M., Czeisler, C. A., & Lockley, S. W. (2011). Exposure to room light before bedtime suppresses melatonin onset and shortens melatonin duration in humans. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, 96(3), E463-E472.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21193540/

15. Koulivand, P. H., Khaleghi Ghadiri, M., & Gorji, A. (2013). Lavender and the nervous system. Evidence-based complementary and alternative medicine : eCAM, 2013, 681304.
https://www.hindawi.com/journals/ecam/2013/681304/

16. National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities. (2020, June 15). Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/data.html

17. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (n.d.). Sleep Disorders., Retrieved August 31, 2020, from
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/sleep-disorders

18. Ong, J. C., Manber, R., Segal, Z., Xia, Y., Shapiro, S., & Wyatt, J. K. (2014). A randomized controlled trial of mindfulness meditation for chronic insomnia. Sleep, 37(9), 1553-1563.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25142566/

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Sleep Strategies for Children | Sleep Foundation

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Wondering about sleep aids for kids? These proven sleep tips will help children learn to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep.

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Lots of young children find it difficult to settle down to sleep and will wake up during the night.
For some people, this might not be a problem. But if you or your child are suffering from a lack of sleep, there are some simple techniques you can try.

Every child is different, so only do what you feel comfortable with and what you think will suit your child.

If your child will not go to bed

Decide what time you want your child to go to bed.

Start a "winding down" bedtime routine around 30 minutes before the time that your child usually falls asleep. Bring this forward by 5 to 10 minutes each week - or 15 minutes if your child is in the habit of going to bed very late - until you get to the bedtime you want. Read more about bedtime routines and how to help your child to sleep.

Set a limit on how much time you spend with your child when you put them to bed. For example, read only 1 story, then tuck your child in and say goodnight.

Give your child their favourite toy, dummy (if they use one) or comforter before settling into bed.

Leave a dim light on if necessary.

If your child gets up, keep taking them back to bed again with as little fuss as possible.

Try to be consistent.

You may have to repeat this routine for several nights.

If your child will not go to sleep without you

This technique can help toddlers (over 12 months) or older children get used to going to sleep without you in the room.

It can also be used whenever your child wakes in the middle of the night.

Be prepared for your child to take a long time to settle when you first start.

You can use strokes or pats instead of kisses if your child sleeps in a cot and you cannot reach them to give them a kiss.

Follow a regular calming bedtime routine.

Put your child to bed when they're drowsy but awake, then kiss them goodnight.

Promise to go back in a few moments to give them another kiss.

Return almost immediately to give a kiss.

Take a few steps to the door, then return immediately to give a kiss.

Promise to return in a few moments to give them another kiss.

Put something away or do something in the room then give them a kiss.

As long as the child stays in bed, keep returning to give more kisses.

Do something outside their room and return to give kisses.

If the child gets out of bed, say: "Back into bed and I'll give you a kiss".

Keep going back often to give kisses until they're asleep.

Repeat every time your child wakes during the night.

More sleep tips for under-5s

Make sure you have a calming, predictable bedtime routine that happens at the same time and includes the same things every night.

If your child complains that they're hungry at night, try giving them a bowl of cereal and milk before bed (make sure you brush their teeth afterwards).

If your child is afraid of the dark, consider using a nightlight or leaving a landing light on.

Do not let your child look at laptops, tablets or phones in the 30 to 60 minutes before bed - the light from screens can interfere with sleep.

If your child wakes up during the night, be as boring as possible to avoid exciting them and leave lights off.

Avoid long naps in the afternoon.

Help your disabled child to sleep

Sometimes children with long-term illnesses or disabilities find it more difficult to sleep through the night. This can be challenging both for them and for you.

The charity Contact has more information about helping you and your child sleep.

Scope also has sleep advice for parents of disabled children.

More help with children's sleep problems

It can take patience, consistency and commitment, but most children's sleep problems can be solved.

If your child is still having problems sleeping, you can talk to your health visitor.

They may have other ideas or suggest you make an appointment at a children's sleep clinic, if there's one in your area.

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Lots of young children find it difficult to settle down to sleep and will wake up during the night. For some people, this might not be a problem. But if you or your child are suffering from a lack of sleep, there are some simple techniques you can try.

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Baby and toddler sleep advice - BBC Tiny Happy People

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A collection of films and articles all about baby and toddler sleep. Whether your little one struggles to get into a bedtime routine, wets the bed or has a hard time sleeping through the night, we're here to help!

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Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Sleep - Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Bedtime, naps, and the questions that keep us awake at night. Get sleep advice from our parenting coaches.

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A child can't be forced to see the non-resident parent but if there's a court order in place, the resident parent must follow the agreed arrangements.

It's really important that you ask your child and explore what's bothering them before you think about stopping contact with a parent or another family member.

Both parents should work towards helping the child feel safe and happy in their care. A child's feelings are important but contact should be encouraged as long as it does not place them at harm.

If a young person doesn't feel their voice is being heard, they can contact an advocacy service such as NYAS, which helps young people in England and Wales express their wishes.

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Divorce and separation can be hard, but it's important that your child gets the right support. Know your rights and get advice on helping your child.

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How can I help my child through my divorce or separation?

Every child and young person's experience with the loss of their known family unit will be unique, but it can sometimes cause intense emotional distress.

In the immediate aftermath of a break-up, children's early responses can involve a number of defence behaviours, including: denial, disbelief, dissociation, hyperactivity, irritability and protest, alarm and panic. Over time, children may experience grief and display behaviours and emotions that indicate yearning and pining, sadness and depression, anger and hostility, anxiety, guilt, shame and despair. Even if children feel relieved at a family break-up where violence is a significant factor, most children will still feel some loss and grief.

There are things you can do to improve the way your child copes with the changes going on around them.

Things that may really make a difference:

Tips and advice from our Parents Helpline

Download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation

For more information and advice, you can download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation. The guide includes:

information about how children of different age groups may react to - and cope with - their parents divorcing or separating

advice on how you can support your child through a parental break-up

a list of helplines and services you can use

Supporting children through divorce or parental separation | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

The impacts of parental alienation and emotional abuse

A parent who turns their child against their other parent by bad-mouthing, belittling the other adult, limiting contact between them, forbidding discussion about them, creating the impression the parent does not love the child or forcing the child to reject the parent is becoming increasingly common and can do significant damage to children's mental health.

The Chief Executive of the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS), Anthony Douglas, recommended in February 2017 that parents who use this type of 'alienation' should be considered guilty of neglect or emotional abuse.

You may also find helpful...

Where to get further support

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Divorce & Young People's Mental Health | Parent Guide

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When parents divorce, it can have a big impact on a child's mental health. Read our advice on looking after your child's wellbeing through a separation.

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Divorce advice for families on coping with divorce and separation. You can also chat to us online for further support.

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The following information could help if your child has lost or is about to lose someone, such as a family member or friend.

If your child is about to lose someone

If a child has a loved one, such as a friend or family member who's going to die, they can benefit from special support.

A child's stress level is often at its highest before bereavement because of fear and the unknown.

Pre-bereavement counselling gives a child a chance to think and talk about their feelings and share their worries.
The YoungMinds website has more information on counselling services for children and young people
Making a memory box

If you're a parent and you know you're going to die, you could make a memory box to give to your child, or make one together.

A memory box contains things that remind you both of your time together. It can provide an important link between you and your child once you've gone.
Macmillan Cancer Support has information about making a memory box

If a child has lost someone

Talk about the person who has died

During bereavement, it can help a child to talk about the person who's died, whether it was a grandparent, parent, brother, sister or friend.

Direct, honest and open communication is more helpful than trying to protect your child by hiding the truth. If you exclude them from family ceremonies and services after someone has died it could make them feel excluded.

This can also help your child be open about their own feelings and avoid confusion about what has happened. It may be helpful to talk as a family, perhaps with your child, about how to include them in any events that celebrate or say goodbye to the person who has died.

It's important for them to have someone with whom they can talk about that person and share their emotions. This could be through photos, games, memory boxes or stories.

Over time, children may start to talk more about their loss at different times and in different ways. Young children may start talking about death or including it in their play, but this is normal and is a way for them to make sense of what has happened.

Further support for your child

There are also bereavement charities that offer helplines, email support, and online communities and message boards for children.

These include:

Child Bereavement UK - call 0800 028 8840 Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, or email helpline@childbereavementuk.org

Cruse Bereavement Care - call 0808 808 1677 Monday and Friday, 9.30am to 5pm; Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 9.30am to 8pm; Saturday and Sunday 10am to 2pm

Grief Encounter - call 0808 802 0111 Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm, or email contact@griefencounter.org.uk

Hope Again - call 0808 808 1677 Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm, or email hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

Winston's Wish - call 0808 802 0021 Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm, or email ask@winstonswish.org

You can also find out more about children and bereavement from the Childhood Bereavement Network
Make a memory box

If the person who's died did not leave a memory box, you could make one with your child.

It can include:

gifts

shells collected on the beach

memories written on a card

anything that makes the child feel connected to that person

Don't forget to look after yourself

It's important to make sure you're also getting the support you need after a loss. This can also help you to better support your child.
Read more about getting help with grief after bereavement or loss

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Find out what to do and where to find bereavement support if your child has lost a loved one or has a loved one who's dying.

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Advice on supporting bereaved children and young people

Our blog is packed with advice and information from our Bereavement support Workers on supporting grieving children and young people. Below are some key articles, or click the button below to browse our blog.

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Information and advice on supporting a bereaved child

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Supporting a bereaved child can be tough. At Winston's Wish we provide information and guidance about our bereavement service, support for grief and loss.

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On this page, you'll find information to help you support your child or young person with grief and loss. We've also got advice about where you can find grief support services.

Get advice and updates directly to your inbox

Join our fight for children and young people's mental health. Sign up to the YoungMinds mailing list to receive our monthly e-newsletter, campaign updates, information about events and fundraising and other opportunities to get involved in our work.

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Guide Menu for Grief and loss

What is grief?

Losing someone we love and feel close to, or going through a bereavement, can be extremely painful. Grief is our natural response to this loss, and it is a process rather than an event.

Your child or young person, as well as you and other family members, may be grieving because:

someone in the family has died, like a parent, grandparent or sibling

their friend or someone at school has died

they have lost someone by suicide

someone they are close to has become ill

a pet has died or been lost

What does grief feel like?

Grief feels different to every individual child or young person. Our feelings around grief also change over time.

It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to feel whatever emotion we do, and to process it in our own way. It's a time for being kind and patient with ourselves.

You might sometimes hear people talk about the 'stages of grief' or the 'grief cycle'. These describe some of the common feelings that people who are grieving can experience.

What are the 'stages of grief'?

1. Denial - for example, feeling confused, numb or in shock.

2. Anger - this might be towards the person who has died, or with the world in general.

3. Bargaining - for example, going over things from the past, or feeling guilty or anxious.

4. Depression - this might feel like intense sadness or loneliness about living without the person.

5. Acceptance - this might be feeling more able to live with our grief, rather than feeling we have 'got over it'.

It's important to understand that not everyone experiences all these things, and that we do not move through these stages one-by-one.

We might move forwards or backwards between them, or experience them in any order. Or we might feel different emotions.

Your child or young person might also experience some of the physical signs of grief. These can include:

waves of crying, which can sometimes feel like they come out of the blue

feeling unwell or sick

eating more or less than before

being extremely tired

finding it difficult to get to sleep

finding it difficult to concentrate, including at school

It's helpful to remember that it is normal for your child or young person to feel and experience these things after a loss.

Tips for talking about grief and loss

If your child doesn't want to talk

If your child or young person feels uncomfortable about talking, you could try starting a conversation while doing an activity. This can help them to relax by making it feel less like a 'big chat'. Have a look at our activity suggestions to get some ideas.

It's also okay to give them some space, especially with older children and teenagers. Sometimes it helps to just sit together quietly, or to offer a hand squeeze or hug. Reassure them that it's okay to talk to someone else they trust too.

You can find more tips about talking in our guide.

Helping your child or young person to cope with grief

Supporting your child or young person with a sudden death

When someone they're close to dies suddenly or unexpectedly, children and young people are likely to feel extremely shocked. They may find it impossible to believe that it's happened, or feel numb and empty. They might find it difficult to talk, or to eat or drink. They may experience physical symptoms like tummy aches, headaches and being extremely tired. These reactions are a normal way of coping with huge shock.

In the days and weeks after a sudden death, the most important thing you can do is provide safety and support.

Grief and loss support services

There are lots of organisations who provide counselling and other types of support to families, children and young people after a bereavement.

Sometimes, the grieving process starts before someone dies. For example, when we know they are ill and they are going to die soon. This is sometimes called 'anticipatory grief'. In pre-bereavement counselling, your child or young person can talk through their feelings and worries. Some hospices and other organisations offer this service. Speak to the professionals supporting your family to see what's available.

In bereavement or grief counselling, your child or young person will have a space to talk. They can also start to process some of their feelings around what's happened. You may be able to access this service through:

Let your child or young person know about the grief support services that are available to them via phone, text or online chat. You can find a list of support services below.

Over the longer-term, a counsellor or therapist can listen, provide emotional support and help your child or young person to make sense of their feelings. They can also support them to find ways of coping. You can find out how your child or young person can access counselling and therapy in our guide for parents.

If you have wider concerns about your child's mental health, it's a good idea to speak to the GP about next steps. They can find out more about what's going on and refer your child for more specialist help.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a young person who is grieving can be a very emotional experience. Take time to look after yourself and top up your own batteries when you can. If you are also grieving, things may feel overwhelming at times. Allow space for your own grief too. Remember that it's okay to ask for help from family and friends when you need it.

If you need support with your own grief, or you're struggling to cope, it's really important that you get the help you need. This will make you more able to be there for your child. You can access counselling, helpline support and support groups via the grief services listed below.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Help us improve our content

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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A guide to supporting a child or young person with grief, bereavement or loss, including information about finding grief counselling and other help.

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Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But many kids struggle to understand the difference between angry feelings and aggressive behavior. Frustration and anger can quickly turn into defiance, disrespect, aggression, and temper tantrums when kids don't know how to deal with their emotions.

When left unchecked, childhood aggression such as fighting, arguing, yelling, spitting, and teasing can lead to additional issues. For instance, anger and aggression have been linked to academic problems, peer rejections, and poor mental health in adulthood. For kids who have trouble taming their tempers, use these five strategies to teach anger management skills.

How to Teach Your Child to Control Anger

Distinguish between emotions and actions

Model anger management skills

Set rules for handling anger

Teach healthy coping skills

Use consequences

Differentiate Between Feelings and Behavior

Teach kids to label their feelings, so they can verbalize feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment. Try saying, "It's OK to feel angry but it's not OK to hit." Help them see that they're in control of their actions when they feel angry.

Sometimes, aggressive behavior stems from a variety of uncomfortable feelings, like sadness or embarrassment. So, help your kids explore why they are feeling angry. Maybe they feel sad about a playdate being canceled, but they respond in anger because it's easier or it masks the hurt they're feeling.

Talking about feelings often and over time helps kids learn to recognize their feelings better.

Model Appropriate Anger Management Skills

The best way to teach children how to deal with anger is by showing them how you deal with your emotions when you feel angry. When kids watch you lose your temper, they'll likely do the same. But, if they see you cope with your feelings in a kinder, gentler way, they'll pick up on that, too.

Although it's important to shield your children from most adult problems, it's healthy to show them how you handle angry feelings. Point out times when you feel frustrated so your child understands that adults get mad sometimes too.

It's OK to say, "I'm angry that the car in front of us didn't stop to let those kids cross the street. But I'm going to stop so they can cross safely." Verbalizing your feelings will teach children to talk about their emotions.

Also, take responsibility for your behavior when you lose your cool in front of your kids. Apologize and discuss what you should have done instead. Say, "I am sorry that you had to see me yelling today when I was mad. I should have gone for a walk to cool off when I was angry instead of raising my voice."

Establish Anger Rules

Most families have unofficial family rules about what behavior is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to anger. Some families don't mind doors being slammed and voices being raised while other families have less tolerance for such behaviors. Create written household rules that outline your expectations.

Anger rules should center around behaving respectfully toward others.

Address areas such as physical aggression, name-calling, and destruction of property so that your children understand they can't throw things, break things, or lash out verbally or physically when they're mad.

Teach Healthy Coping Skills

Kids need to know appropriate ways to deal with their anger. Instead of being told, "Don't hit your brother," explain what they can do when they feel frustrated. Say, "Next time, use your words" or "Walk away from him when you feel angry."

You also can ask, "What could you do instead of hitting?" to help your child identify strategies that might be helpful. You also could create a calm down kit that can be used when they're upset.

Fill a box with items that can help them calm down, such as a coloring book and crayons, lotion that smells good, or soothing music. Engaging their senses can help calm their mind and body.

Use time-out as a tool to help your child calm down. Teach them that they can take a time-out before they get into trouble. Removing themselves from a situation and taking a few minutes to calm down can be really helpful for kids prone to anger.

Also, teach problem-solving skills so children learn to recognize that they can solve problems without resorting to aggression. Talk about ways to resolve conflict peacefully.

Offer Consequences When Necessary

Give your children positive consequences when they follow the anger rules and negative consequences when they break the rules. Positive consequences, such as a reward system or token economy system, can motivate a child to use anger management skills when they're upset.

Follow through with immediate consequences if your child becomes aggressive. Effective consequences may include time-outs, loss of privileges, or paying restitution by doing extra chores or loaning a toy to the target of their aggression.

A Word From Verywell

It's normal for kids to struggle to manage their anger at times. But, with your guidance, your child's skills should improve. When kids struggle to get their anger under control, or their anger problems seem to be getting worse, it's important to seek professional help. A trained professional can rule out any underlying mental health problems and can offer assistance in creating a behavior management plan.

Additional Reading

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How to Teach Kids Anger Management Skills

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Teaching a child anger management strategies helps reduce behavior problems like aggression and defiance. Learn how to teach kids these skills.

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How much physical activity should children and young people aged 5 to 18 do to keep healthy?
Children and young people need to do 2 types of physical activity each week:

aerobic exercise

exercises to strengthen their muscles and bones

Children and young people aged 5 to 18 should:

aim for an average of at least 60 minutes of moderate or vigorous intensity physical activity a day across the week

take part in a variety of types and intensities of physical activity across the week to develop movement skills, muscles and bones

reduce the time spent sitting or lying down and break up long periods of not moving with some activity. Aim to spread activity throughout the day

What counts as moderate activity?

Moderate intensity activities will raise your heart rate, and make you breathe faster and feel warmer.

One way to tell if you're working at a moderate intensity level is if you can still talk, but not sing.

Children and young people should do a range of different activities across the week.

Examples include:

walking to school or walking the dog

playground activities, including jumping, running and catching

physical education

sports, like football or tennis

swimming

skipping

dancing

skateboarding or rollerblading

cycling

What activities strengthen muscles and bones?

Examples include:

gymnastics

football

jumping

martial arts

sit-ups, press-ups and other similar exercises (for young people)

resistance exercises with exercise bands, weight machines or handheld weights (for young people)

Exercising safely

Children and young people should:

get medical advice about exercising if they have a health condition

do exercise that is suitable for their age, ability and experience

start any new exercise slowly and increase it bit by bit

use protective equipment, for example for cycling and skateboarding

Young people can use weights for resistance exercise if a qualified adult trains them to use weights correctly and supervises them.

Physical activity recommendation for other age groups:
GOV.UK has infographics on physical activity for children and young people

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Physical activity guidelines for children and young people

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Find out how much physical activity children and young people aged 5 to 18 need to do to keep healthy?

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Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don't go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It's normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it's helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn't fully develop until we're in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours - towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you're going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we've got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

When I'm angry I feel a lot of self-hate and worthlessness. I also feel a build-up of energy.

What is anger like for young people?

Three clouds expressing different emotions. The first cloud is throwing punches outwardly (Outward aggression). The second cloud is throwing punches towards itself (Inward aggression). The third cloud is displaying a dull-like expression while surrounded by lightning bolts (Passive aggression).

If your child can't tell you in words, they will often use their behaviour to let you know how they're feeling. A young person who is feeling angry may:

be outwardly aggressive - acting aggressively towards other people, including shouting, hitting or breaking things

be inwardly aggressive - hurting themselves, for example by self-harming, or being very self-critical

be passively aggressive - withdrawing, ignoring people, being sarcastic or sulking

feel things in their body like a racing heart, feeling hot or tensing their muscles - for example clenching their fists

seem tense, unable to relax or easily irritated

find it difficult to concentrate.

An iceberg submerged in water, with the text 'When we seem angry or aggressive, there are often other feelings hidden under the surface'. The words Angry and Aggressive are displayed on the section of the iceberg above the water, and the words Worried, Hurt, Scared, Lonely, Stressed, Overwhelmed, Ashamed, Ignored, Sad are displayed on the iceberg below the water.

Underneath these behaviours, a young person who seems very angry may also be feeling things like fear, stress, sadness, hurt or worry - or might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school, at home or in another part of their life that they feel unable to talk about.

It can be helpful to remember that a person who's feeling angry a lot of the time probably isn't feeling very happy - and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. Supporting children and young people to put their feelings into words can help them to feel less overwhelming, making it less likely that they will need to act out.

For some young people, feeling more irritable or angrier than usual can be a sign that they are struggling with low mood, depression or anxiety - especially if it goes on for a long period of time without changing.

A young person describes what anger's like for them.

How can I respond to my child in the moment when they get angry?

How can I help my child manage angry feelings positively?

In a calm moment, try to explore what's making them angry, focusing on letting them talk and listening to what it's like for them. Trust your instincts about picking the right moment, and remember that you know your child better than most people.

You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation with your child.

It might help to text, write a letter, go for a walk together or do an activity while you're talking to help them relax. You could also try spending five or ten minutes checking in with them each evening to encourage them to open up.

Recognising the triggers and patterns that alert them to the fact that they're getting angry can help them to take action before it becomes overwhelming. Keeping a diary or journal may make it easier for both of you to think this through - and apps such as ThinkNinja (for 10-18-year-olds) and HeadSpace can help them to track their feelings. This video by Braive might also help you to understand how stress and overwhelming feelings can build up in a person's life.

Some young people will find relaxing techniques useful. This could be things like:

meditating

listening to music

colouring or drawing

taking deep breaths or doing a breathing technique

Teenagers might like to do this using a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Often, people who are feeling angry breathe in more than they breathe out - so a good trick is to focus on breathing out for a few counts longer than they breath in, which can help their body to relax.

Some young people will find active techniques useful. This could be things like:

punching a pillow

throwing a ball

ripping or screwing up newspaper

playing sport

running or going for a walk

Young people tell us it helps to:

think of the bigger picture: will this bother me in a year?

try and say why you're angry, and remember that time alone to calm yourself down is okay.

take some time to think about how your actions are affecting others, and try to remember people are usually trying to help you.

apologise if you have harmed someone - and if you have hurt yourself, apologise to yourself.

figure out why you reacted like that so you can recognise it next time before it's too late.

tell someone if they've made you angry, or talk to someone else about it.

remind yourself that the emotion is valid.

Our Parents Helpline team share advice on how to respond to anger.

Where can I find professional help?

It's a good idea to seek professional advice if:

your child's anger is consistently affecting their day-to-day life, wellbeing, mental health, relationships or experience at home or school - or the day-to-day life of your family.

you've tried strategies for at least four weeks and nothing seems to work, or their outbursts of anger feel unmanageable and last for a long time.

they are expressing their anger through destructive behaviours towards themselves or others - including self-harm or physically hurting other people.

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Your GP, your child's school and considering whether counselling or therapy might help are good places to start.

Your GP can discuss your concerns with you and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sometimes, challenging or aggressive behaviour can be a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty, such as autism or difficulties hearing or speaking, which your child may need specialist help with. If you think this could be the case, speak to your GP or your child's school to discuss whether they need a referral for an assessment.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help for your child.

If your child becomes so angry that they are being verbally or physically aggressive and you feel unsafe, it's important that you reach out for help.

In these situations:

If it is safe for you and your child, remove yourself and any other family members from the situation.

If it's not safe to do so, and you feel that you or anyone else are at immediate risk of harm, warn your child that if the aggression does not stop you will contact the police.

Follow through if they do not stop. Call 999 if there is a danger to life or violence is being used or threatened. Call 101 if you want to discuss the situation with your local police officer.

Calling the police to intervene in a situation that involves your child is an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to have to do. However, this may be the only course of action if your safety, or the safety of other family members, is in question. You might feel worried about getting your child into trouble, but they won't automatically get a criminal record and it's important to put your safety first. The police can be supportive about responding to mental health issues and may be able to advise you about next steps.

Looking after yourself as a parent

As a parent or carer, we often put our children first, no matter how old they are - but it's so important that you remember to look after yourself too. If you have ever flown on a plane you may remember the flight attendant saying that in times of difficulty you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - and the same applies here.

If your child is acting out, remember that it can be because they see you as a safe person who they can express their feelings with, trusting that you will love them no matter what - and that it isn't necessarily about you.

Use the family and friends around you - whether it's for a catch-up or having someone to watch the kids so you can have a break.

These are some things that can help you take care of yourself:

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in April 2021. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with anger. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

If you need non-urgent information and advice about your child's mental health, you can use our Parents Helpline.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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If you need support to respond to your child's anger or aggression, read our tips on how to respond and where to seek further help.

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A classroom anger-ometer could be set up or simply drawn on the board and used to explore the different levels of anger explored in this clip, from annoyed to cross, to explosive. An arrow could be moved up or down the anger-ometer and students could be asked to make a facial expression or sound for this level of anger. Pictures could be taken of these facial expressions and used to annotate the anger-ometer. Students could also sort scenarios into which level of anger it would make them feel. Ask students to come up with a strategy to help you calm down at each level on the anger scale. Posters could be made to advertise these strategies to help others.

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The different levels of anger - 1st level Health and wellbeing - BBC Bitesize

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A classroom anger-ometer could be set up or simply drawn on the board and used to explore the different levels of anger explored in this clip, from annoyed to cross, to explosive. An arrow could be moved up or down the anger-ometer and students could be asked to make a facial expression or sound for this level of anger.

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Tips to help cope with all the demands of parenting. Advice on setting boundaries for your child, building relationships and keeping your cool.

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An A-Z of language for speaking to your child

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An A-Z of language for speaking to your child

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An A-Z of LGBTQ+ language for speaking to your child

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Using the right language around LGBTQ+ can often feel like a minefield - here’s how you can learn from and listen to your child.

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Coping with Autism - Christine McGuinness's story

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Coping with Autism - Christine McGuinness's story

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"I don't really like anything wet. I don't like anything that smells, or it's got too much flavour and with too much colour. So, things that you're supposed to eat: your broccoli, your carrots, and things like that I really struggle with"
Milder flavours are less stimulating and so make it a more comfortable experience to eat. Christine has experienced this all her life but was around 8 or 9 when she began to avoid meals. She reduced her food intake so much that she was diagnosed with Anorexia as a teenager.

"But it was nothing to do with body image" , she says. "It's not that I don't like food, it's just that I'm very, very particular in what I eat."

This makes her more sympathetic to her children's own food aversions and she works towards varying their diets. She can also help them cope better in school.

Christine's children attend a mainstream school, and she works with them to ensure they feel calm and supported.
"If they're not comfortable in the canteen, I need somebody to provide a quiet area where they can eat. When I didn't eat at school, I ended up with an eating disorder."
The kids have had their own personal breakthroughs. "I'm really, really proud to say that they eat in the canteen with everybody else,"

There is advice about autism and eating on from the National Autistic Society.

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Christine McGuinness - How my autism can help me to help my kids

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As part of The BBC documentary Our Family and Autism - Christine McGuinness was diagnosed as autistic - just like her 3 kids. Here she talks about the challenges she's faced through her life and the positives since her diagnosis.

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How to talk to your child about an upsetting event

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How to talk to your child about an upsetting event

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How do you explain upsetting news - be it natural disasters, the death of a public figure, violent crime or war - to your child? Do you need to?
Many parents will ask themselves these questions, not knowing what to do for the best. Should they cover everything up and tell them it's all going to be fine or should they be fully open and honest about the situation?

Young people have access to a huge amount of news information, particularly in this age of social media, and will probably already be well aware of the details surrounding certain news events - from the Russian invasion of Ukraine, to the death of a public figure or celebrity.
It is important to help children process these events, but in a way that doesn't overwhelm them.
There is no benefit to a child of any age to pretend that these negative, often traumatic, events in the news are not real. However, it is important to put these events into the context of the rest of the child's life. If they are anxious about implications in their own life, some reassurance about how removed these events actually are, in contrast to how news or social media outlets might be representing it, will be helpful.

Whilst it is important to reassure children that events might not have a direct effect on their own lives, it is equally important to encourage children to show compassion for others in a different circumstance to their own.
This is an important part of supporting them in their emotional development and will help them to feel connected to others.

If your child's friend or classmate is distressed by a headline, maybe the death of a public figure or celebrity, you might also encourage them to show compassion by being kind, understanding and available to talk during school.

It might not always seem apparent, but children do take cues from their parents and carers.
If we are constantly watching the news, anxiously scrolling our phones for the latest bulletins, and referring to an event all the time, they will immediately pick up on this and their anxiety will escalate.

Talk to your friends and adult family members when you need to manage your own feelings, to model calm and normality around your child as much as possible. When they see you coping normally, it's highly likely they will follow suit.

If you are having a strong grief reaction to a news event, it is important to make sure that these feelings are managed in an appropriate way.

For example, if you are particularly upset about a death in the news because you too have had a recent significant bereavement, then it will be important to explain this to your child so they can understand what the feelings are about.

If the anxiety is more about your own mortality, it might be best to keep this fear away from children. Instead, manage it separately with other adult family members or friends.

After any traumatic event, it is important that children and young people return to a normal routine as quickly as possible. It is no different if you are hearing about something, rather than directly experiencing it, and you should try to make sure that your child doesn't stop doing anything they would normally do.

So, whether it's going to a swimming club, meeting up with friends, or just keeping to normal routines around getting up in the morning and mealtimes, these should continue.

Children may want to do something to make their views about world events known to others. This can help to instil a sense of control over the situation and their feelings, which is useful to managing any growing anxiety.
It will also help them to connect with other people who share the same feelings about a conflict, disaster, or a bereavement.

Some of the most helpful ways to instil a sense of control over the situation include encouraging young people to talk to their friends and family about their feelings. Or they can channel their concern into a piece of community action, such as helping a neighbour who is unable to get out of the house, donating clothes, or volunteering at the local food bank.

In the wake of a disastrous headline, the world can feel uncontrollable and hard to make sense of.
Without making it too obvious, take time to instil the feeling that home is a safe environment where they are not under threat. Nothing has changed at home, in school or in their immediate environment. Life goes on as normal, as far as you and they are concerned. Try hard not to catastrophise about the future, as the ambiguity of 'anything could happen next' will send their anxiety soaring through the roof.

The topic of death is always going to feel extremely difficult for children, but if it is explained in a straightforward and non-frightening way, children can accept the facts and incorporate them into a narrative about their lives.

Your child may come to you with all kinds of 'facts' which they have picked up through social media and conversations with their friends at school. They might quote these to you, without it being obvious that part of what they want to do is check whether you think they are true. Try asking, 'Where did you hear that?' and 'Tell me a bit more about that', rather than saying simply, 'That's not true'.

Depending on the impact these 'facts' have - and this will partly depend on their age - also try going back to them a few days later. Ask if they are still thinking about it, or if they want to know anything more.

Many young people will be engaged in conversations about world events and will be worrying about them. Others will simply be more interested in their position in the next football match or their forthcoming exams, and this is fine.
Don't force a conversation or try to get them to engage in concerns about these events, if it isn't something they want to think about or discuss. Let their response and interest levels guide you.

We hope these practical tips will help you to keep communication and connection going with your child or teenager through challenging times.

If you have any doubt at all about whether you have done or have said the wrong thing, it's best to be honest about it. Perhaps say something like, 'Actually, it's scary, isn't it - when we don't know what's going to happen? I'm not certain either.' But reassure them that you can support each other through this.

It can be hugely helpful during difficult times if we, as parents and carers, can model how best to live with uncertainty - while also showing the capacity to name and talk about complex feelings.
Dr Sheila Redfern is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at the Anna Freud Centre

Further help and resources:
The BBC Headroom campaign has links to lots of helpful content around mental health. You can also visit the YoungMinds website for more advice.

The NHS offers advice for parents around difficult times .

King's College London/the Maudsley charity have some great animated resources with celebrity voices as part of their Families Under Pressure campaign .

For helplines and information on other mental health services, look at BBC Action Line .

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How to help your child understand upsetting news

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How do you explain upsetting news - be it natural disasters, the death of a public figure, violent crime or war - to your child? Do you need to? Many parents will ask themselves these questions, not knowing what to do for the best.

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How to get your child's bedtime routine right

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Sleep consultant Mandy Gurney gives advice on how to get your child's bedtime routine right before primary school.

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We support LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and those questioning their sexual or gender identity) children, young people and their families in the UK.

All of our services strive to be safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ young people.

We provide direct support to LGBTQ children and young people around their gender and sexual identities. We also work with parents, carers and families.

Through our Positive Identities service we offer training to schools, professionals and community groups. Our training raises awareness of LGBTQ lives, promotes inclusion and tackles homophobic, biphobic and transphobic bullying.

Find out more and get advice.

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We support LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and those questioning their sexual or gender identity) children, young people and their families in the UK. All of our services strive to be safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ young people. We provide direct support to LGBTQ children and young people around their gender and sexual identities.

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The acronym 'LGBTQI+' refers to people that identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, and intersex. The + refers to an inclusive term for people who do not feel that they fit into traditional categories of sexuality or gender.

While being a member of the LGBTQI+ community is not automatically a risk factor for poor mental health, evidence suggests that LGBTQI+ young people may be more susceptible to mental health problems.

A research project into the mental health of LGBTQI+ young people, conducted by Youth Chances, found that LGBTQI+ young people report significantly higher levels of mental health problems including depression and anxiety, self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

52% of LGBTQI+ people reported self-harming, compared to 35% of heterosexual non-trans young people. 44% of the LGBTQI+ young people surveyed reported suicidal thoughts, compared to 26% of heterosexual respondents.

How does identifying as LGBTQI+ affect children and young people's mental health?

There are a range of complex risk factors that affect LGBTQI+ children and young people and contribute to the disproportionately high level of mental health difficulties in this community. These risk factors include:

Discrimination and bullying: Research has found that nearly half of children and young people who identify as LGBTQI+ are subject to bullying in school.

Hate crime: People who identify as LGBTQI+ are more likely to experience hate crimes or act of violence compared to heterosexual people.

Isolation within the community: Identifying as LGBTQI+ can lead to children and young people feeling isolated and on the outside of friendship groups at school and at external clubs or activities. They can struggle with finding friendships where they feel accepted and comfortable.

Coming out: Whilst the coming out process can be a liberating process for children and young people, it can also be a highly stressful and challenging time or a combination of both. It can also be a process that happens numerous times within their childhood.

Discrimination in healthcare: LGBTQI+ children and young people and their parents or carers may experience discrimination. As a result, this may affect their ability to access services and the same level of support as the general population, for both their physical and mental health needs.

Family problems: Some children and young people who identify as LGBTQI+ are rejected by their family and support network which may be due to conflicting religious or cultural beliefs and values. This can even lead to homelessness - nearly 1 in 10 LGBTQI+ young people have had to leave home for reasons relating to their sexuality or gender identity.

How can schools and further education settings support LGBTQI+ students?

If you are at all concerned about a child or young person, you should always speak to your designated safeguarding lead as a matter of priority. They will be able to advise on suitable next steps, and speaking to them about any concerns should always be the first action you take, ahead of any of the suggestions on this page.

There are a range of ways that education professionals can offer support to students that identify as LGBTQI+:

Build respectful relationships with children and young people, making it easier for them to ask for help and support if they need it

Listen to and respect the language people use to describe their identity, gender, sexual orientation and relationships.

Avoid making assumptions about people's sexual orientation or gender identity. Instead, consider using gender neutral terms, for example 'partner' instead of 'boyfriend/girlfriend'.

Assist the student to make connections with others who may have similar experiences can be helpful. This could include other young people that have mental health problems and/or with other LGBTQI+ young people in the community. This may include linking them with a local LGBTQI+ support group or online community.

Always take LGBTQI+ discrimination seriously. For example, by supporting students to report instances of hate-crime or bullying, or by establishing strong anti-discrimination policies in your school environment.

Speak about LGBTQI+ issues and support public LGBTQI+ events such as Pride Month within the school to help create a more open, comfortable and welcoming environment.

Help students access specialist LGBTQI+ mental health services

Guide the student to talk with their GP about a referral for talking therapies.

Assist students to self-refer to LGBTQI+ charity sector organisations who may also offer free or low-cost support.

Provide information on helplines and online support services.

Signpost students and families to private therapists if requested; the Pink Therapy online directory lists therapists who work with LGBTQI+ clients.

Support students to access help for suicidal feelings including crisis mental health services.

How can schools support students who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity?

Some students may not be openly LGBTQ+, but may still be questioning their sexuality or gender identity. Schools can offer support to these students in many ways:

Don't make assumptions. Let them tell you when they're ready. Give them time and space to understand themselves, and to become more comfortable about sharing something so personal with you.

Ask questions, and then listen. Showing interest in how they see themselves, and in their experiences at school and in their social life, will help them open up.

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The acronym 'LGBTQI+' refers to people that identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, and intersex. The + refers to an inclusive term for people who do not feel that they fit into traditional categories of sexuality or gender.

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Offer your children support and guidance with our range of online safety guides

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What to do if your child comes to you needing help and where to report specific online concerns.
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Advice for parents and carers to help support children and young people in their safe and responsible use of the internet.

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Campaigning for change

We fight to change laws to make society safer for children. Our Wild West Web campaign has pushed for new regulations through the Online Safety Bill to make sure websites, apps and games are safe for children to use. But the draft Bill doesn't go far enough to protect children.
Help us end the Wild West Web

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Understanding online safety is tricky for all ages - we have advice and guides to help you learn about staying safe online as a family.

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The National Crime Agency's CEOP Education team aim to help protect children and young people from online child sexual abuse.

We do this through our education programme, providing training, resources and information to professionals working with children, young people and their families.

I am:

Respecting me, you, us: building healthy relationships and creating positive cultures is a CEOP Education resource for 12 -14 year olds developed in association with clinical psychologist, Dr. Elly Hanson.

Under 18 and worried about online sexual abuse?
To report, click to visit the CEOP Safety Centre.

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The CEOP Education programme from the National Crime Agency’s CEOP Education Team aims to protect children and young people aged 4-18 from online child sexual abuse.

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How to introduce the kids to the internet

It's important to build trust with your child and talk to them about the potential issues they may face online. Be someone that they can confide in, and reassure them that you're always there to offer support and protection should they need it. Take a look at our resources below to help you on your way.

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I've just taken the Virgin Media o2 Children's Online Safety Test. Click here to have a go!

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It's important to build trust with your child and talk to them about the potential issues they may face online. Be someone that they can confide in, and reassure them that you're always there to offer support and protection should they need it. Take a look at our resources below to help you on your way.

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The Eatwell Guide shows how much of what we eat overall should come from each food group to achieve a healthy, balanced diet.
You do not need to achieve this balance with every meal, but try to get the balance right over a day or even a week.

Most of us still are not eating enough fruit and vegetables. They should make up just over a third of the food we eat each day.

Aim to eat at least 5 portions of a variety of fruit and veg each day. Choose from fresh, frozen, tinned, dried or juiced.

Remember that fruit juice and smoothies should be limited to no more than a combined total of 150ml a day.

Fruit and vegetables are a good source of vitamins, minerals and fibre.
Find out more about how to get your 5 A Day

Starchy food should make up just over a third of the food we eat. Choose higher fibre or wholegrain varieties, such as wholewheat pasta and brown rice, or simply leave the skins on potatoes.

There are also higher fibre versions of white bread and pasta.

Starchy foods are a good source of energy and the main source of a range of nutrients in our diet.
Find out more about starchy foods

These foods are good sources of protein, vitamins and minerals. Pulses, such as beans, peas and lentils, are good alternatives to meat because they're low in fat and they're a good source of fibre and protein, too.

Choose lean cuts of meat and mince, and eat less red and processed meat like bacon, ham and sausages.

Aim for at least 2 portions (2 x 140g) of fish every week, 1 of which should be oily, such as salmon, sardines or mackerel.

Find out about fish and meat.

Milk, cheese, yoghurt and fromage frais are good sources of protein and some vitamins, and they're also an important source of calcium, which helps keep our bones healthy.

Try to go for lower-fat and lower-sugar products where possible, like semi-skimmed, skimmed or 1% fat milk, reduced-fat cheese or plain low-fat yoghurt.
Find out more about milk and dairy foods

Unsaturated fats are healthier fats and include vegetable, rapeseed, olive and sunflower oils.

Remember all types of fat are high in energy and should be eaten in small amounts.
Find out more about the different types of fat in our diet

These foods include chocolate, cakes, biscuits, sugary soft drinks, butter, ghee and ice cream.

They're not needed in our diet, so should be eaten less often and in smaller amounts.
Get tips on cutting down on sugar

Water, lower-fat milks, lower-sugar or sugar-free drinks and tea and coffee all count.

Fruit juice and smoothies also count towards your fluid consumption, but they contain free sugars that can damage teeth, so limit these drinks to a combined total of 150ml a day.
Find out more about water, drinks and your health

How does the Eatwell Guide work?

The Eatwell Guide divides the foods and drinks we consume into 5 main food groups.

Try to choose a variety of different foods from each of the groups to help you get the wide range of nutrients your body needs to stay healthy.

It's important to get some fat in your diet, but foods that are high in fat, salt and sugar have been placed outside of the main Eatwell Guide as they're not necessary as part of a healthy, balanced diet and most of us need to cut down on these.

Unsaturated fats from plant sources (for example, vegetable oil or olive oil) are healthier types of fat.

But all types of fat are high in energy (calories), so they should only be eaten in small amounts.

On average, women should have around 2,000 calories a day (8,400 kilojoules) and men should have around 2,500 calories a day (10,500 kilojoules). We all need different amounts of energy (or calories) from food to be a healthy weight. How much you need depends on lots of things, including how active you are.

Find out how food labels can help you choose between foods and pick those lower in fat, saturated fat, sugar and salt.

Combination foods

Many foods, such as pizzas, casseroles, pasta dishes and sandwiches, are combinations of the food groups in the Eatwell Guide.

With these meals, check the ingredients and think about how these fit with the sections on the guide to help you achieve a balanced diet.

Does the Eatwell Guide apply to everyone?

The Eatwell Guide applies to most of us, whether we're a healthy weight or overweight, whether we eat meat or are vegetarian, and no matter what our ethnic origin.

Anyone with special dietary requirements or medical needs might want to check with a registered dietitian on how to adapt the Eatwell Guide to meet their individual needs.

Children under the age of 2

The Eatwell Guide does not apply to children under the age of 2 because they have different nutritional needs.

Between the ages of 2 and 5, children should gradually move to eating the same foods as the rest of the family in the proportions shown in the Eatwell Guide.

Read more about babies, toddlers and young children's nutritional needs in Your baby's first solid foods.

Download the Eatwell Guide booklet

For more information, including details of which foods are included in the food groups, download GOV.UK's The Eatwell Guide.

Healthy eating support

Food and diet advice on the NHS website includes:

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Read about the interactive Eatwell Guide, which shows how much of what we eat overall should come from each food group to achieve a healthy, balanced diet.

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Children need regular meals and snacks to give them the energy and nutrients to grow and stay healthy. Children's nutritional needs change as they get older, so it is important to be aware of these changes. This Food Fact Sheet will help you ensure your child is eating the right food, whatever age they are.
How can I encourage my child to eat more healthily?

It's not just about what your child eats, but also the environment around them when they are eating. When children eat with other members of the family and have the same meals, this encourages children to enjoy a variety of foods. If you can, try to sit down and eat meals as a family, without the distractions of the television or computer games.

Snacking can also affect a child's eating habits and can mean that they don't have a balanced diet. Try to keep snacking to twice per day and opt for fruit and vegetables, in place of snacks high in fat, salt and sugar.

Food and eating should be enjoyable and fun! Children love to get involved. Take them to the shops to help choose different foods. Let them help with cooking, by putting foods in the pan or help with chopping up soft foods with close supervision. Make sure you also talk about healthy eating at home, as this will create a positive relationship for your child in relation to food.

What types of food should children eat?

Children under five years are growing rapidly and have high requirements for energy (kcals). This energy needs to come from nutritious foods. Children over the age of five should follow a healthy diet suitable for all the family.

The nutrients children need are found in these four groups. These foods should all be offered every day:

1. Starchy carbohydrates

Each meal should be based on foods from this group and these foods provide energy. These foods include; bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, breakfast cereals and grains such as couscous and quinoa. For children who are over five-years-old, wholegrain varieties are a better option. These are healthier and more filling.

2. Fruit and vegetables

Aim for five portions of fruit and vegetables every day. Fruit and vegetables provide lots of vitamins which can help to prevent coughs and colds. They also contain fibre for good bowel health. Fruit & vegetables can be fresh, frozen, tinned (in their own juice) or dried. Fresh fruit juice also counts towards one portion per day but should be given alongside mealtimes. Try and include both fruit and vegetables at main meals, fruit can be used as a snack or to make smoothies.

3. Calcium-containing foods

This group provides children with protein and calcium. This is important for growth and healthy bone and teeth development. Products such as milk, cheese, yoghurt and fromage frais are good options. Your child should ideally aim for three servings of calcium-rich food every day - for example, a 150ml glass of milk, a small pot of yoghurt and a small matchbox-sized piece of cheese. Non-dairy alternatives to cow's milk can be given from six months in food and from 12 months as a main drink.

If you do choose plant-based alternatives, our vegetarian, vegan and plant-based fact sheet explains some of the key nutrients you need to be aware of. You should make sure that these milks contain 120mg of calcium per 100mls and also have around 55-60kcals per 100mls.

If you need more advice, talk to a health professional. Children under two years should have full fat milk and dairy foods. Semi-skimmed milk can be introduced from two years if they are growing well.

4. Protein and iron

Meat, fish, eggs, nuts, pulses (like beans, lentils and peas), and foods made from pulses (like tofu, hummus and soya mince) are excellent sources of protein and iron. Protein is needed for growth and iron is needed to prevent anaemia; a common condition seen in children. A variety of protein rich foods should be given at least twice per day.

Should I give my children food and drink high in fat and/or sugar?

Foods which are high in sugar and fat will provide extra energy but few nutrients.

This group of foods includes biscuits, cake, ice cream, sweets, chocolate, condiments such as ketchup, savoury snacks such as crisps, chips and sugary drinks.

High sugar intakes often lead to tooth decay and can lead to obesity in children. It is important to avoid giving your child frequent sugary drinks, snacks or sweets to protect their teeth and overall health. If you want to give them something sugary, it is best to limit these to twice per week or at mealtimes.

Healthy cooking methods

Changing your cooking methods can help to reduce the amount of fat in your child's food. If you fry foods, why not try grilling, steaming or baking foods instead? This will reduce the fat content. You could also reduce the fat by adding less butter to mashed potato or on bread and using less oil in cooking. Using a spray bottle can help to reduce oil use.

Meal structure

Children should be offered three meals per day with two small snacks in between. Breakfast is a really important meal, it is a great way to help children meet their daily vitamin and mineral requirements. Breakfast options such as cereals tend to have extra vitamins and minerals added.

Children who have breakfast have been shown to concentrate better throughout the morning in school.

At lunch and evening meal time, offer children a variety of different foods and each day. You should offer different foods each mealtime. By eating a variety of foods, children can get a range of different nutrients.

Drinks

Keeping hydrated is important too. Some families find putting a jug of water on the table at mealtimes encourages the whole family to have a glass.

The best drinks for children are water and milk as they will not damage teeth. Fizzy drinks and sugary squash/cordial can provide excess energy and lead to unnecessary weight gain.

Pure fruit juice and smoothies provide quite a lot of sugar and should only be offered once per day. Dilute any sweet drinks with water - one part squash to ten parts water. If fresh juice, give half pure juice/half water for children under five.

Drinks should be offered to children at each mealtime and one or two drinks should be given in between. It is a good idea to offer extra drinks when the weather is hot and during sports.

Tea is not recommended for children as it reduces iron absorption. Try to offer warm milk instead.

Salty foods

Children do not need salt added to their food - try using herbs and spices instead. It is a good idea to limit salty snacks like crisps and reduce the amount of processed salty foods such as ready meals and processed meats.

Does my child need a daily vitamin?

All children aged six months to four years should be given a supplement containing vitamins A, C and D, such as Healthy Start vitamin drops.

All children over the age of one should have a vitamin containing 10 micrograms of vitamin D, especially during autumn and winter. For more information on vitamin D, see the BDA Food Fact Sheet on this topic.

Top tips

Be aware of your child's changing nutritional needs as they get older

Creating a good eating environment will encourage children to try more foods

Try to limit snacking and opt for fruit and veg

Meals should be based on starchy carbohydrates such as potatoes, pasta, rice and wholegrain cereals

Choose healthy cooking methods like grilling or baking to limit fats

Avoid salty snacks and try to reduce ready meals and processed meats that may contain more salt

Remember to ensure your child is well hydrated

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Children need regular meals and snacks to give them the energy and nutrients to grow and stay healthy. Children's nutritional needs change as they get older, so it is important to be aware of these changes. This Food Fact Sheet will help you ensure your child is eating the right food, whatever age they are.

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If your child is overweight, there's lots you can do to help them become a healthy weight as they grow.
As a parent, it can sometimes be difficult to tell that your child is overweight. A child may not look particularly heavy to be overweight.

And because more children are becoming heavier at a younger age, we have become used to seeing bigger children.

Research shows children who achieve a healthy weight tend to be fitter, healthier, better able to learn, and more self-confident.

They're also less likely to have low self-esteem or be bullied. And they're much less likely to have health problems in later life.

As a parent, there's lots you can do to help your child become a healthier weight. Getting them to be more active and eat well is important.

Here's lots of practical advice to help you.

If your child has a medical condition, the advice in this article may not be relevant and you should check with a GP or hospital doctor first.

Steps for success

Here are 5 key ways you can help your child maintain a healthy weight:

be a good role model

encourage 60 minutes, and up to several hours, of physical activity a day

keep to child-sized portions

eat healthy meals, drinks and snacks

less screen time and more sleep

Be a good role model

One way to instil good habits in your child is for you to be a good role model. Children learn by example.

You can encourage your child to be active and eat well by doing so yourself.

Set a good example by going for a walk or bike ride instead of watching TV or surfing the internet.

Playing in the park or swimming with your children shows them being active is fun, and it's a great way for you all to spend time together.

Any changes you make to your child's diet and lifestyle are much more likely to be accepted if the changes are small and involve the whole family.

Physical activity also may be more appealing to your child if you do something as a family.
Get ideas for ways to get healthy as a family Find out ways to get active with your kids Get children involved in switching to a healthier lifestyle

Get active

Overweight children don't need to do more exercise than slimmer children. Their extra body weight means they'll naturally burn more calories for the same activity.

All children should aim to get at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day for good health, but it doesn't need to be all at once.

Several short 10-minute, or even 5-minute, bursts of activity throughout the day can be just as good as an hour-long stretch.

For younger children, it can take the form of active play, such as ball games, chasing games like "it" and "tag", riding a scooter, and using playground swings, climbing frames and see-saws.

For older children it could include riding a bike, skateboarding, walking to school, skipping, swimming, dancing and martial arts.

Walking or cycling short distances instead of using the car or bus is a great way to be active together as a family. And you'll save money, too.

Find out the amount and types of physical activity recommended for under-5s

Find out the amount and types of physical activity recommended for children and young people aged 5 to 18

Join Change4Life for free and your child will get their own personalised activity plan full of good ideas for getting moving.

Child-sized portions

Try to avoid feeding your child oversized portions. There's very little official guidance on precisely how much food children require, so you'll need to use your own judgement.

A good rule of thumb is to start meals with small servings and let your child ask for more if they're still hungry.

Try not to make your child finish everything on the plate or eat more than they want to.

And avoid using adult-size plates for younger children as it encourages them to eat oversized portions.

It may also help if you encourage your child to eat slowly and have set mealtimes. You can use mealtimes as an opportunity to catch up on what's happened during the day.

Explain to your child how to get the balance of their diet right using the Eatwell Guide. It shows how much they should eat from each food group.

Read more about what counts as a balanced diet.

Knowing the calorie content of foods can be useful.
Find out more about understanding calories Get ideas for healthy packed lunches

Eat healthy meals

Children, just like adults, should aim to eat 5 or more portions of fruit and vegetables every day. They're a great source of fibre and vitamins and minerals.

Getting 5 A Day shouldn't be too difficult. Almost all fruit and vegetables count towards your child's 5 A Day, including fresh, tinned, frozen and dried.

Juices, smoothies, beans and pulses also count.

Be aware that unsweetened 100% fruit juice, vegetable juice and smoothies can only ever count as a maximum of 1 portion of their 5 A Day.

For example, if they have 2 glasses of fruit juice and a smoothie in 1 day, that still only counts as 1 portion.

Their combined total of drinks from fruit juice, vegetable juice and smoothies shouldn't be more than 150ml a day, which is a small glass.

For example, if they have 150ml of orange juice and a 150ml smoothie in 1 day, they'll have exceeded the recommendation by 150ml.

When fruit is blended or juiced, it releases the sugars, which increases the risk of tooth decay. So it's best to drink fruit juice or smoothies at mealtimes.

Discourage your child from having sugary or high-fat foods like sweets, cakes, biscuits, some sugary cereals, and sugar-sweetened soft and fizzy drinks. These foods and drinks tend to be high in calories and low in nutrients.

Aim for your child to get most of their calories from healthier foods like fruit and vegetables, and starchy foods like bread, potatoes, pasta and rice (preferably wholemeal). And switch sweetened soft drinks for water.

Get tips to help your kids enjoy their 5 A Day

Get tasty 5 A Day family-friendly recipes
Find out how many soft or fizzy drinks children can have a day
Find out more about healthy drinks for children

Swap high-fat foods for these healthier alternatives.

Get ideas for sugar swaps when you shop and healthier swaps for breakfast, snacks and puddings.

Less screen time and more sleep

Alongside the advice to get them moving more is the need to reduce the time they spend sitting or lying down in the day.

Help your children avoid sitting and lying around too much, as this makes them more likely to put on weight.

Limit the time they spend on inactive pastimes like watching TV, playing video games and playing on electronic devices.

There's no hard and fast advice on how much is too much, but experts advise that children should watch no more than 2 hours of television each day.

And remove all screens (including mobile phones) from their bedroom at night.

It also helps children stay trim if they sleep well. It's been shown that children who don't have the recommended amount of sleep are more likely to be overweight.

The less children sleep, the greater the risk of them becoming obese. Lack of sleep can also affect their mood and behaviour.

Find out how much sleep children need according to their age
Learn how screens impair children's sleep
Get sleep tips for children

If your child has a medical condition, the advice in this article may not be relevant and you should check with a GP or hospital doctor first.

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What can I do if my child is overweight?

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If your child is overweight, there's lots you can do to help them become a healthy weight as they grow. As a parent, it can sometimes be difficult to tell that your child is overweight. A child may not look particularly heavy to be overweight.

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8 Bangin' Breakfasts from The Body Coach | Gousto Blog

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To keep you cooking like Joe Wicks, these recipes from The Body Coach put the FAST in breakfast and taste just like dessert.

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Emergency Help If You Have No Money Or Food. StepChange

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A cash crisis can happen to anyone. At StepChange Debt Charity, we’ve got free advice and resources if you urgently need help. Get in touch with us today

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Eastleigh Basics Bank is a charity in Eastleigh which provides food parcels to people who are experiencing financial hardship.

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The principle of the pantry is to give those in need the opportunity to have a 'helping hand' by getting food for a small membership fee per visit. Our Pantry's provide a wide range of Fresh...