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                                        Sam

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                                        Sam

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Sam has a strong foundation for preconceptions– she can juggle a multitude of actions while communicating: visual and verbal communication, preparing what to say next, all while practicing active listening. In many areas of life, Sam understands the dangers of thinking like a cognitive miser, so she makes sure to take time to think, process, and research before taking any sort of mental or physical action. Sam also makes sure to avoid allness: taking information and applying it based on previous experiences. She knows that a person is more than what they wear and what she perceives them to be like. Because of this, Sam makes sure to find legitimate ground to better understand people and find commonality.

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Sam understands and values the importance of the listening aspect of communication. She realizes that listening is far more than simply hearing and that it involves multiple steps –making sense of what she takes in, responding to it, remembering it, and interpreting it. Sam often practices participatory listening where she demonstrates active listening: heading nodding, making eye contact, and asking questions. Sam used to struggle with prejudgements, foreshadowing what she thought she knew about the speaker, and also with psedudolostening (fake listening). However, after intentional practice listening, Sam has been able to further develop her listening abilities. Now, Sam is able to understand the type of listening necessary for different relationship communications. In her walk with God, Sam dedicates intimate time to sit and hear Him along with time to talk and communicate with Him.

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Along with a good sense of self, Sam is able to pick up and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication relayed to her. Sam is honest in her conversations, only expresses the information necessary to communicate effectively,  easily understands the types of relationship she has with the person she communicates with, and can pick up on how brief and clear communication needs to be. Although small talk can seem strange, Sam understands how it is necessary in order to introduce yourself to another person and develop a new relationship. When Sam knows that she is wrong, she makes sure to accept the responsibility by apologizing for exactly what she did, making sure to express understanding of why and how much pain she had caused. She does this by making progress steps that prove she is going to make sure that the situations no longer happen. When expected, Sam expresses open body gestures that display her willingness to communicate with others. This looks like open arms, body position towards the other person, facial feedback (smiling, confusion, etc.) Over the years, Sam realized the importances of ritualistic touching (handshakes) and how they serve as a forceful first impression. Overall, Sam is highly conscious of both verbal and nonverbal ways a person communicates and manages them effectively to benefit all her relationships in a well-rounded way.

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Sam has a healthy self-concept: she understands who she is through others around her that helps her clearly understand the best parts of herself. Her self-awareness is high: she knows herself and her tendencies, which is why she is able to understand how her communication affects others. Although it was not always like this for Sam, after working through obstacles, she values and prioritizes her self-esteem. She has good friends who hold her accountable and love her, works on things that will help her succeed, and eliminates self-destructive behaviors. Her emotional intelligence is very high because she values self-management: the ability to manage her emotions. This helps her social awareness and ability to read other's emotions by putting herself in their shoes and responding in a conscious way. With a high emotional intelligence, Sam is able to experiences and therefore express more emotions than a person who does not would. Some scripture that has helped Sam overcome and better "know herself" is Ephesian 2:10 that says we are God's handiwork, created in Christ to do good works He has already prepared for us. Ultimately, Sam has placed her identity in Christ and she is able to find stability in this where she loves God foremost, then others, and herself.

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Through different relationships in her life, Sam has come to appreciate the value of forgiveness by releasing her pain and giving it to God. She values the knowledge that the Holy spirit extends grace, which alleviates the sole responsibility for forgiveness. Sam believes strongly in the power of prayer and knows that shifting her mindset to be in prayer for those who persecute her will ultimately help her live a more fulfilling life. As a Christian, she hopes to demonstrate God’s unfaltering grace and love to others. Though Sam wants to love everyone and pray for those who persecute her, it can be hard when someone hurts and breaks you down. In order to circumvent being brought down, Sam sets boundaries with those in her life– she does not forgive and forget problems, she works through them and makes sure that others know that she will not tolerate the hurt brought to her and also does not let others continue to exonerate her. Conflict is not something Sam enjoys dealing with, but she also wants to protect herself from some forms of complete reconciliation. There are times when a person does not receive full forgiveness from Sam, and as long as she is doing it with conscious effort to please God, then she is living a respectful life of forgiveness. And, just as Sam loves, appreciates, and forgives others, Sam is also able to forgive herself. She realized that by not being able to forgive herself she struggled to forgive others, so she made a change and placed her “backpack of crap” at the altar and has given it up to God.

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In conflict, Sam understands the importance and positivity resolving conflict in a healthy way– by communicating the incompatible goals she and another interdependent person face. Sam recognizes that conflict can be caused by communication and is only solved by communication as well. Sam does not let people walk all over her, rather she leans into the facts that conflict is inevitable and can have positive effects. She is assertive when she needs to be, and has a high sense of concern for others. In situations when necessary, Sam makes the conscious decision to express her emotions rather than suppress them. When in conflict, Sam stays close to the topic because she knows that deflections lead to poor arguments and pointless conversations rather than productive ones. A piece of scripture that helps remind Sam to produce constructive conflict is James 1:19-20. This helps her remember to consistently practice active listening, watch what she says, and to respond with encouragement and validation. To Sam, conflict is an opportunity for collaboration and cooperation to promote peace, unity, and flourishing of herself and others. Being a virtuous person drives Sam to better know who she is and helps her navigate the different ways she interacts with conflict. Because of this, she is able to express humility, gentleness, patience, and most importantly embrace her differences and unity with others.

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Sam is aware that once she sees a relationship beginning to end, a conscious choice has to be made. Many of the reasons a relationship ends is because of communication problems and withdrawal from the relationship. Sam values her relationships, and they are very important to her, so when this happens she makes sure to better understand her situation and what is going on in it. One way Sam best understands this issue is unrealistic expectations. Whether it is expected of her or of someone else, Sam knows that she (and others) will never match up to another person’s perfect expectations, so she consistently reminds herself that she is worthy the way she is and does not need to change for anyone’s approval or love. Sometimes, Sam understands that termination for a relationship is very necessary. People and status’ of relationships are bound to change, so she is able to practice gradual withdrawal from relationships, slowly diminishing the relationship when needed.

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Here are Sam's qualities and behaviors as a highly competent interpersonal communicator.