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ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a sawrian.

ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

ALLEGIANCE, n.

This thing Allegiance, as I suppose,
Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose,
Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed
To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.
—G.J.

ALLAH, n. The Mahometan Supreme Being, as distinguished from the Christian, Jewish, and so forth.

Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept,
And ever for the sins of man have wept;
And sometimes kneeling in the temple I
Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.
—Junker Barlow

ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.

ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.

AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to.

"Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?"
She tenderly inquired.
"An aim? Well, no, I haven't, wife;
The fact is — I have fired."
—G.J.

AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors — to dislodge the worms.

AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.

AFRICAN, n. A [deleted expletive] that votes our way.

AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

AFFIANCED, pp. Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.

ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.

"The man was in such deep distress,"
Said Tom, "that I could do no less
Than give him good advice." Said Jim:
"If less could have been done for him
I know you well enough, my son,
To know that's what you would have done."
—Jebel Jocordy

ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly.

ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.

Consigned by way of admonition,
His soul forever to perdition.
—Judibras

ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking.

ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.

ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold.

ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly.

ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville.

ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

"My accountability, bear in mind,"
Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes,"
Said the Shah: "I do — 'tis the only kind
Of ability you possess."
—Joram Tate

ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

ACCORD, n. Harmony.

ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.

ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought
You a total abstainer, my son."
"So I am, so I am," said the scrapgrace caught —
"But not, sir, a bigoted one."
—G.J.

ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.

ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.

ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilified; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman's body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.
—Jogo Tyree

ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond;
The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
—Phela Orm

ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption."

ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten.

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
—Oliver Cromwell

ABRACADABRA.

By Abracadabra we signify
An infinite number of things.
'Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why?
And Whence? and Whither? — a word whereby
The Truth (with the comfort it brings)
Is open to all who grope in night,
Crying for Wisdom's holy light.

Whether the word is a verb or a noun
Is knowledge beyond my reach.
I only know that 'tis handed down.
From sage to sage,
From age to age —
An immortal part of speech!

Of an ancient man the tale is told
That he lived to be ten centuries old,
In a cave on a mountain side.
(True, he finally died.)
The fame of his wisdom filled the land,
For his head was bald, and you'll understand
His beard was long and white
And his eyes uncommonly bright.

Philosophers gathered from far and near
To sit at his feat and hear and hear,
Though he never was heard
To utter a word
But "Abracadabra, abracadab,
Abracada, abracad,
Abraca, abrac, abra, ab!"
'Twas all he had,
'Twas all they wanted to hear, and each
Made copious notes of the mystical speech,
Which they published next —
A trickle of text
In the meadow of commentary.
Mighty big books were these,
In a number, as leaves of trees;
In learning, remarkably — very!

He's dead,
As I said,
And the books of the sages have perished,
But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.
In Abracadabra it solemnly rings,
Like an ancient bell that forever swings.
O, I love to hear
That word make clear
Humanity's General Sense of Things.
—Jamrach Holobom

ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.

ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous.

ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.

Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication
Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.
For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her:
She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.
To History she'll be no royal riddle —
Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.
—G.J.

ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.

ABANDON, v.t. [1.] To correct an erring friend or admonish a needy one. Of women the word abandoned is used in the sense of indiscreet. [2.] To confer the advantage of being rid of you. To recant.

Thank heaven, I have abandoned the follies of youth for those of age.
—Chauncey Depew

ABADDON, n. [1.] A certian person who is much in society, but whom one does not meet. A bad one. [2.] The Adversary of Souls, considered under one of his many charming aspects.

ABADA, n. An African animal having three horns, two on the head and one on the nape of the neck by which to hang up the carcass after the head has been removed. In those varieties that are not hunted by man, this third horn is imperfectly developed or wholly wanting.

ABACUS, n. In architecture, the upper part of a column, upon which, in all good architecture, sits the thoughtful stork pondering unutterable things.

ABACTOR, n. One who steals a whole herd of cattle, as distinguished from the inferior actor who steals one animal at a time — a superior stock actor, as it were.

ABACOT, n. A cap of state wrought into the shape of two crowns, formerly worn by kings. Very pretty monarchs had it made in the form of three crowns.

A. The first letter in every properly constructed alphabet. It is the first natural utterance of the human vocal organs, and is variously sounded, according to the pleasure and convenience of the speaker. In logic, A asserts and B denies. Assertions being proverbially untrue, the presumption would be in favor of B's innocence were it not that denials are notoriously false. In grammar, A is called the indefinite article, probably because, denoting a definite number, it is so obviously a numeral adjective.

The Devil's Dictionary was a newspaper weekly first collected as a book in 1906. While the book represents diabolical appetites, and derides pretense, it should be noted that Bierce generally reserved his severest ridicule for those who benefit most from the status quo. It's easy to imagine him a century later relying less on casual political incorrectness, to pay better tribute to those who couldn't overindulge enough on the prosperity that took place. Minor edits have been made here under that consideration.

If you wish to copy and paste large excerpts from the Devil's Dictionary, HTML-only drafts of the book are listed at yahoo.com.

Slideshow-like web adaptations of Swift's A Modest Proposal and Machiavelli's The Prince.

Except for the book adapted, this entire site uses less code than a typical wired.com front page.

A

AVERNUS, n. The lake by which the ancients entered the infernal regions. The fact that access to the infernal regions was obtained by a lake is believed by the learned Marcus Ansello Scrutator to have suggested the Christian rite of baptism by immersion. This, however, has been shown by Lactantius to be an error.

Facilis descensus Averni,
The poet remarks; and the sense
Of it is that when down-hill I turn I
Will get more of punches than pence.
—Jehal Dai Lupe

AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator, and everywhere the Donkey. The animal is widely and variously celebrated in the literature, art and religion of every age and country; no other so engages and fires the human imagination as this noble vertebrate. Indeed, it is doubted by some (Ramasilus, lib. II., De Clem., and C. Stantatus, De Temperamente) if it is not a god; and as such we know it was worshiped by the Etruscans, and, if we may believe Macrobious, by the Cupasians also. Of the only two animals admitted into the Mahometan Paradise along with the souls of men, the ass that carried Balaam is one, the dog of the Seven Sleepers the other. This is no small distinction. From what has been written about this beast might be compiled a library of great splendor and magnitude, rivalling that of the Shakespearean cult, and that which clusters about the Bible. It may be said, generally, that all literature is more or less Asinine.

"Hail, holy Ass!" the quiring angels sing;
"Priest of Unreason, and of Discords King!
Great co-Creator, let Thy glory shine:
God made all else, the Mule, the Mule is thine!"
—G.J.

ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.

ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.

One day a wag — what would the wretch be at? —
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
And said it was a god's name! Straight arose
Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows,
And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,
And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)
To serve his temple and maintain the fires,
Expound the law, manipulate the wires.
Amazed, the populace that rites attend,
Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend,
And, inly edified to learn that two
Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)
Have sweeter values and a grace more fit
Than Nature's hairs that never have been split,
Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts,
And sell their garments to support the priests.

ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

"Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get,"
Consenting, he did speak up;
"'Tis better you should eat it, pet,
Than put it in my teacup."
—Joel Huck

ARREST, v.t. Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.

God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
—The Unauthorized Version

ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

ARISTOCRACY, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts — guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.

ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

If I were a jolly archbishop,
On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up —
Salmon and flounders and smelts;
On other days everything else.
—Jodo Rem

APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.

APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.

When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,
That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
Disease for the apothecary's health,
Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"
—G.J.

APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

The flabby wine-skin of his brain
Yields to some pathologic strain,
And voids from its unstored abysm
The driblet of an aphorism.
—"The Mad Philosopher," 1697

ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,
So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.
—Judibras

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female tool.

They stood before the altar and supplied
The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.
In vain the sacrifice! — no god will claim
An offering burnt with an unholy flame.
—M.P. Nopput

ALONE, adj. In bad company.
In contact, lo! the flint and steel,
By spark and flame, the thought reveal
That he
the metal, she the stone,
Had cherished secretly alone.
—Booley Fito

This is so true.  The lack of "good company"  means that the loners must  deal with themselves and "cherish" seclusion in the midst of "company", the ironic tone of the definition and poem. He the "metal"  found "stone" upon which "spark and flame" was drawn creating the lonership of the individual.

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MALEFACTOR, n. The chief factor in the progress of the human race.

Even though this was probably made to be super sexist and harsh, I find it super funny. In 1906, this couldn't be more true. This captures the ridiciculously low position of women in history.

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BEFRIEND, v.t. To make an ingrate.

This is very true. I find myself trying making fun of my friends all the time

and I expect others do the same. This also goes for using their stuff,  eating

their food, taking money, etc. It's part of the right of passage. In the end, we

end up taking our friends for granted.

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Calamity,n- A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Murphy's law- anything bad that could occur, does. Sometimes it does feel like the universe plays tricks on us, and when we reached our limit, it rewards us for our endurance.

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ENVELOPE, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.

I enjoyed this definition particularly due to its strong use of personification of the envelope itslelf. When I now enter a letter into an envelope, the words "scabbard" and "coffin" will now pop into my head.

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ASS,n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator, and everywhere the Donkey. The animal is widely and variously celebrated in the literature, art and religion of every age and country; no other so engages and fires the human imagination as this noble vertebrate. Indeed, it is doubted by some (Ramasilus,lib. II., De Clem.,and C. Stantatus,De Temperamente) if it is not a god; and as such we know it was worshiped by the Etruscans, and, if we may believe Macrobious, by the Cupasians also. Of the only two animals admitted into the Mahometan Paradise along with the souls of men, the ass that carried Balaam is one, the dog of the Seven Sleepers the other. This is no small distinction. From what has been written about this beast might be compiled a library of great splendor and magnitude, rivalling that of the Shakespearean cult, and that which clusters about the Bible. It may be said, generally, that all literature is more or less Asinine.

I enjoyed this definition of a very interesting word because it managed to reference several different ideas. The first use was a call out to the social ass that talks too much and listens too little. This is then followed up by a clever reference to the ass in literature before it finally comes to the conclusion of literature being foolish or "asinine". The author makes a convoluted analogy to make a brief joke, which I can respect.

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HABIT, n. A shackle for the free.

The ongoing monotony of repeating the same action over and over takes away our ability to act on our own. We are all supposed to be free yet at the same time we all fall into habits. Even if they are good, do they still not take away our freedom? Freedom of thought and change and action.

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TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

I think this is funny because it shows the usefullness of truth. Only people who are uneducated and base their lifestyle purely on morals are "dumb"

HABIT, n. A shackle for the free.

This really sticks with me habits can tend to hold you back, the only way to really live is by breaking habbits.

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FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

I liked this one because we always here "It gets better in the future." While I do consider myself to be an optimist, sometimes we rely too much on the comfort that things will be better in the future, and I think that this definition says that in a way people won't be offended

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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed. The question, "Is life worth living?" has been much discussed; particularly by those who think it is not, many of whom have written at great length in support of their view and by careful observance of the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors of successful controversy.

This definition addresses many definitions of LIFE. In one respect, it is something that keeps bodies from decaying. Everyone lives in fear of death, but we cannot miss  life after we are gone. The meaning of life and if it is worth living is the most controversial topic in the world.

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WALL STREET, n. A symbol for sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.
This definition is very true because stock brokers are very villioness and take all of the money that they can from everyone.

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HASH, x. There is no definition for this word — nobody knows what hash is.

I liked this defentition because nobody really does know that hash is, it could be anything. And i thought it was funny.

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WOMAN, n.

An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from Greeland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular name (wolfman) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the American variety (felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.
—Balthasar Pober

- I chuckled when I saw this definition for a couple of reasons. For one, women are talked of  purely as some new "interesting" species of animal that expert zoologists train and keep. They also can be taught tasks like to "not talk".

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VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

This is so true, mainly becuase a lot of people who vote don't even know the exact policies of the political party they claim to associate with. By being ignorant, these people inadvertently ruin their country by choosing the wrong leader (s) to make the important decisions. This is so sarcastic because it is in a way making fun of America as a whole, as we take such pride in giving equal rights to all in terms of voting.

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BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

This is funny because it criticizes the way in which people regard the "supiority" of having "brains" by including examples of how the quality of having "brains" is treated by people - very normal to us until the rediculous nature of our actions is pointed out in this matter-of-fact format. Neighbors not being able to keep their hats on - something done out of honor in society - is humorously depicted as having a rather odd effect on people who are respnding to an individual having brains.

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ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

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ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

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Many people believe that when they are keeping out corruption on the outside, they fail to see that there is corruption on the inside. The outside many not even be corruption, it's just the people who think they are of high moral and pureness refuses to take in any new ideas because others are different.

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ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.

I find this definition very interesting because its a joke about how when money cannot be given, advice is the next "most valuable" thing.

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LIBERTY, n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
-Liberty is only that for some people. They can dream freely and do what they wish in one's imagination, but whether it be an act of the government, society, or self arrestment, people are silenced (maybe because of the fear of hurting others, or Fear itself.)

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APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.

I find this ironic, because an apothecary is defined to be an old-time pharmacist, or one who delivers medication and promotes health.

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ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

As someone young, I see zeal as a good thing. Having zeal is like having ambition, but Bierce takes a comptletely different view-point on the word. Instead of ambition, he puts it as a type of annoyance and tick that people have when they are too young and have not been appeased by failure.

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OVEREAT, v. To dine.

I just smiled when I read this, because I live by this doctrine!!
Especially when I hear someone, for example, say, "Oh man I really shouldn't eat this" or something like that. My mentality is that overeating just doesn't exist! Food is for eating, and food is a delicious and beautiful thing and should always be eaten to its fullest extent. :)

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WHITE, adj. and, n. Black.

A short, blunt way of saying that everything is not what it seems, and that's an understatement. It shows that people make things everything it's not.

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ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.

I find this very literal and physical. I relate it to being in public situations and seeing some one act or go about in odd ways. it creates suspicion into who the character really is. Some one who is 'abscond' could be numerous things: funny, abnormal, attention - grabbing, deep, or intriguing.

VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

"Wreck of his country" is exactly how many would word this. Yes, we have the freedom to vote, but does that make us free men? If we take into consideration recent political changes in our country, numerous people would agree that voting does not always determines a man's freedom, but can sometimes take it away.

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FAMOUS, adj. Conspicuously miserable.

Done to a turn on the iron, behold
Him who to be famous aspired.
Content? Well, his grill
has a plating of gold,
And his twistings are greatly admired.
—Hassan Brubuddy

This is funny because Bierce accuses the famous as being noticably miserable. This is true, many times, considering the tabloids, magazines, and news stories that one can see daily. It is obvious that these sources focus on the worst parts of the lives of the "famous" so that they can sell a few more copies than they might have without an awful story about the celebrity at hand.

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HANGMAN, n. An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest dignity and utmost gravity, and held in hereditary disesteem by a populace having a criminal ancestry. In some of the American States his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey, where executions by electricity have recently been ordered — the first instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the expediency of hanging Jerseymen.

HANDKERCHIEF, n. A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears. The handkerchief is of recent invention; our ancestors knew nothing of it and intrusted its duties to the sleeve. Shakespeare's introducing it into the play of "Othello" is an anachronism: Desdemona dried her nose with her skirt, as Dr. Mary Walker and other reformers have done with their coattails in our own day — an evidence that revolutions sometimes go backward.

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

HALO, n. Properly, a luminous ring encircling an astronomical body, but not infrequently confounded with "aureola," or "nimbus," a somewhat similar phenomenon worn as a head-dress by divinities and saints. The halo is a purely optical illusion, produced by moisture in the air, in the manner of a rainbow; but the aureola is conferred as a sign of superior sanctity, in the same way as a bishop's mitre, or the Pope's tiara. In the painting of the Nativity, by Szedgkin, a pious artist of Pesth, not only do the Virgin and the Child wear the nimbus, but an ass nibbling hay from the sacred manger is similarly decorated and, to his lasting honor be it said, appears to bear his unaccustomed dignity with a truly saintly grace.

HALF, n. One of two equal parts into which a thing may be divided, or considered as divided. In the fourteenth century a heated discussion arose among theologists and philosophers as to whether Omniscience could part an object into three halves; and the pious Father Aldrovinus publicly prayed in the cathedral at Rouen that God would demonstrate the affirmative of the proposition in some signal and unmistakable way, and particularly (if it should please Him) upon the body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who maintained the negative. Procinus, however, was spared to die of the bite of a viper.

HAG, n. An elderly lady whom you do not happen to like; sometimes called, also, a hen, or cat. Old witches, sorceresses, etc., were called hags from the belief that their heads were surrounded by a kind of baleful lumination or nimbus — hag being the popular name of that peculiar electrical light sometimes observed in the hair. At one time hag was not a word of reproach: Drayton speaks of a "beautiful hag, all smiles," much as Shakespeare said, "sweet wench." It would not now be proper to call your sweetheart a hag — that compliment is reserved for the use of her grandchildren.

HADES, n. The lower world; the residence of departed spirits; the place where the dead live.

Among the ancients the idea of Hades was not synonymous with our Hell, many of the most respectable men of antiquity residing there in a very comfortable kind of way. Indeed, the Elysian Fields themselves were a part of Hades, though they have since been removed to Paris. When the Jacobean version of the New Testament was in process of evolution the pious and learned men engaged in the work insisted by a majority vote on translating the Greek word "Aides" as "Hell"; but a conscientious minority member secretly possessed himself of the record and struck out the objectional word wherever he could find it. At the next meeting, the Bishop of Salisbury, looking over the work, suddenly sprang to his feet and said with considerable excitement: "Gentlemen, somebody has been razing 'Hell' here!" Years afterward the good prelate's death was made sweet by the reflection that he had been the means (under Providence) of making an important, serviceable and immortal addition to the phraseology of the English tongue.

HABIT, n. A shackle for the free.

HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime.

The Devil's Dictionary was a newspaper weekly first collected as a book in 1906. While the book represents diabolical appetites, and derides pretense, it should be noted that Bierce generally reserved his severest ridicule for those who benefit most from the status quo. It's easy to imagine him a century later relying less on casual political incorrectness, to pay better tribute to those who couldn't overindulge enough on the prosperity that took place. Minor edits have been made here under that consideration.

If you wish to copy and paste large excerpts from the Devil's Dictionary, HTML-only drafts of the book are listed at yahoo.com.

Slideshow-like web adaptations of Swift's A Modest Proposal and Machiavelli's The Prince.

Except for the book adapted, this entire site uses less code than a typical wired.com front page.

H

HYPOCRITE, n. One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

HYPOCHONDRIASIS, n. Depression of one's own spirits.

Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot
Where long the village rubbish had been shot
Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps —
"Hypochondriasis." It meant The Dumps.
—Bogul S. Purvy

HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that.

HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

HYBRID, n. A pooled issue.

HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

HURRY, n. The dispatch of bunglers.

HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains. It is also used in the construction of the upper decks of steamboats, but generally speaking, the hurricane's usefulness has outlasted it.

HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.

Lo! the poor humorist, whose tortured mind
See jokes in crowds, though still to gloom inclined —
Whose simple appetite, untaught to stray,
His brains, renewed by night, consumes by day.
He thinks, admitted to an equal sty,
A graceful hog would bear his company.
—Alexander Poke

HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.

HOVEL, n. The fruit of a flower called the Palace.

Twaddle had a hovel,
Twiddle had a palace;
Twaddle said: "I'll grovel
Or he'll think I bear him malice" —
A sentiment as novel
As a castor on a chalice.

Down upon the middle
Of his legs fell Twaddle
And astonished Mr. Twiddle,
Who began to lift his noddle.
Feed upon the fiddle-
Faddle flummery, unswaddle
A new-born self-sufficiency and think himself a [mockery.]
—G.J.

HOUSELESS, adj. Having paid all taxes on household goods.

HOUSE, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe. House of Correction, a place of reward for political and personal service, and for the detention of offenders and appropriations. House of God, a building with a steeple and a mortgage on it. House-dog, a pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult persons passing by and appal the hardy visitor. House-maid, a youngerly person of the opposing sex employed to be variously disagreeable and ingeniously unclean in the station in which it has pleased God to place her.

HOURI, n. A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul. By that good lady the Houris are said to be held in deficient esteem.

HOSTILITY, n. A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth's overpopulation. Hostility is classified as active and passive; as (respectively) the feeling of a woman for her female friends, and that which she entertains for all the rest of her sex.

HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

HOPE, n. Desire and expectation rolled into one.

Delicious Hope! when naught to man it left —
Of fortune destitute, of friends bereft;
When even his dog deserts him, and his goat
With tranquil disaffection chews his coat
While yet it hangs upon his back; then thou,
The star far-flaming on thine angel brow,
Descendest, radiant, from the skies to hint
The promise of a clerkship in the Mint.
—Fogarty Weffing

HONORABLE, adj. Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."

HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

HOMOEOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

So skilled the parson was in homiletics
That all his normal purges and emetics
To medicine the spirit were compounded
With a most just discrimination founded
Upon a rigorous examination
Of tongue and pulse and heart and respiration.
Then, having diagnosed each one's condition,
His scriptural specifics this physician
Administered — his pills so efficacious
And pukes of disposition so vivacious
That souls afflicted with ten kinds of Adam
Were convalescent ere they knew they had 'em.
But Slander's tongue — itself all coated — uttered
Her bilious mind and scandalously muttered
That in the case of patients having money
The pills were sugar and the pukes were honey.
—Biography of Bishop Potter

HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he fell by one kind or another — the classification is for advantage of the lawyers.

HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mohammedans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is Porcus Rockefelleri. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Of Roman history, great Niebuhr's shown
'Tis nine-tenths lying. Faith, I wish 'twere known,
Ere we accept great Niebuhr as a guide,
Wherein he blundered and how much he lied.
—Salder Bupp

HISTORIAN, n. A broad-gauge gossip.

HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, a one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

HIBERNATE, v.i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws. It is admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean that it had to try twice before it can cast a shadow. Three or four centuries ago, in England, no fact was better attested than that swallows passed the winter months in the mud at the bottom of their brooks, clinging together in globular masses. They have apparently been compelled to give up the custom and account of the foulness of the brooks. Sotus Ecobius discovered in Central Asia a whole nation of people who hibernate. By some investigators, the fasting of Lent is supposed to have been originally a modified form of hibernation, to which the Church gave a religious significance; but this view was strenuously opposed by that eminent authority, Bishop Kip, who did not wish any honors denied to the memory of the Founder of his family.

HERS, pro. His.

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

HEMP, n. A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.

HELPMATE, n. A wife, or bitter half.

"Now, why is yer wife called a helpmate, Pat?"
Says the priest. "Since the time 'o yer wooin'
She's niver assisted in what ye were at —
For it's naught ye are ever doin'."

"That's true of yer Riverence," Patrick replies,
And no sign of contrition envices;
"But, bedad, it's a fact which the word implies,
For she helps to mate the expinses!"
—Marley Wottel

HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.

HEAVEN, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

HEATHEN, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. According to Professor Howison, of the California State University, Hebrews are heathens.

"The Hebrews are heathens!" says Howison. He's
A Christian philosopher. I'm
A scurril agnostical chap, if you please,
Addicted too much to the crime
Of religious discussion in my rhyme.

Though Hebrew and Howison cannot agree
On a modus vivendi — not they! —
Yet Heaven has had the designing of me,
And I haven't been reared in a way
To joy in the thick of the fray.

For this of my creed is the soul and the gist,
And the truth of it I aver:
Who differs from me in his faith is an 'ist,
And 'ite, an 'ie, or an 'er —
And I'm down upon him or her!

Let Howison urge with perfunctory chin
Toleration — that's all very well,
But a roast is "nuts" to his nostril thin,
And he's running — I know by the smell —
A secret and personal Hell!
—Bissell Gip

HEAT, n.

Heat, says Professor Tyndall, is a mode
Of motion, but I know now how he's proving
His point; but this I know — hot words bestowed
With skill will set the human fist a-moving,
And where it stops the stars burn free and wild.
Crede expertum — I have seen them, child.
—Gorton Swope

HEART, n. An automatic, muscular blood-pump. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments — a very pretty fancy which, however, is nothing but a survival of a once universal belief. It is now known that the sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid. The exact process by which a beefsteak becomes a feeling — tender or not, according to the age of the animal from which it was cut; the successive stages of elaboration through which a caviar sandwich is transmuted to a quaint fancy and reappears as a pungent epigram; the marvelous functional methods of converting a hard-boiled egg into religious contrition, or a cream-puff into a sigh of sensibility — these things have been patiently ascertained by M. Pasteur, and by him expounded with convincing lucidity. (See, also, my monograph, The Essential Identity of the Spiritual Affections and Certain Intestinal Gases Freed in Digestion.) In a scientific work entitled, I believe, Delectatio Demonorum (John Camden Hotton, London, 1873) this view of the sentiments receives a striking illustration; and for further light consult Professor Dam's famous treatise on Love as a Product of Alimentary Maceration.

HEARSE, n. Death's baby-carriage.

HEAD-MONEY, n. A capitation tax, or poll-tax.

In ancient times there lived a king
Whose tax-collectors could not wring
From all his subjects gold enough
To make the royal way less rough.
For pleasure's highway, like the dames
Whose premises adjoin it, claims
Perpetual repairing. So
The tax-collectors in a row
Appeared before the throne to pray
Their master to devise some way
To swell the revenue. "So great,"
Said they, "are the demands of state
A tithe of all that we collect
Will scarcely meet them. Pray reflect:
How, if one-tenth we must resign,
Can we exist on t'other nine?"
The monarch asked them in reply:
"Has it occurred to you to try
The advantage of economy?"
"It has," the spokesman said: "we sold
All of our gray garrotes of gold;
With plated-ware we now compress
The necks of those whom we assess.
Plain iron forceps we employ
To mitigate the miser's joy
Who hoards, with greed that never tires,
That which your Majesty requires."
Deep lines of thought were seen to plow
Their way across the royal brow.
"Your state is desperate, no question;
Pray favor me with a suggestion."
"O King of Men," the spokesman said,
"If you'll impose upon each head
A tax, the augmented revenue
We'll cheerfully divide with you."
As flashes of the sun illume
The parted storm-cloud's sullen gloom,
The king smiled grimly. "I decree
That it be so — and, not to be
In generosity outdone,
Declare you, each and every one,
Exempted from the operation
Of this new law of capitation.
But lest the people censure me
Because they're bound and you are free,
'Twere well some clever scheme were laid
By you this poll-tax to evade.
I'll leave you now while you confer
With my most trusted minister."
The monarch from the throne-room walked
And straightway in among them stalked
A silent man, with brow concealed,
Bare-armed — his gleaming axe revealed!
—G.J.

HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

HASH, x. There is no definition for this word — nobody knows what hash is.

HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

HARBOR, n. A place where ships taking shelter from stores are exposed to the fury of the customs.

HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.

HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Sad but true. Many people find happiness at the loss of something for another person. Maybe not a physical loss such as a person, but more or less any loss (someone doesn't win the election they thought they would, etc.)

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ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

-I like this definition because in a sense, accidents are inevitable, and most of the time when people have "accidents" they rely on the fact that it was "inevitable". However, many accidents actually have some sort of event that caused them to happen.

UN-AMERICAN, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

-I like this one because it shows the mindset of people in America, showing that people often believe they are better than those who are not like themselves.

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GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

I think this is an interesting defenition because I've always considered generosity to be one of the things that I need to focus on achieving. Bierce states that it is over-worked, and I find this ironic because one normally doesn't find virtues as something that can be over-done.

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MORAL, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

I find this so true. So many people claim to have their own set morals, but when the popular way to go changes, we go with it and call it our own.

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HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

A sick, but sweet occasional truth.

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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

see;
All else is immaterial to me.
—Jamrach Holobom

Material things I know, or fell, or

If you can't see or hear or feel it it must not be real. Just like when a tree falls and no one is around there isn't a noise or a shark doesn't exist until you see it in person

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Woman- an animal usually living in the vicinity of man.

This is definitely what society veiws a woman today, and mostly before the 1920s. It is sad that woman are "supposed" to have a man.

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Weather - n. The climate of the hour.

I like this because we especially can relate to this since the climate in Georgia changes regularly and feels like its different every hour .

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RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

It's very ironic. White males back then were probably known for being very formal and well mannered, but here he describes them as a mongolian. Atilla the Hun was a mongol and very barbaric as well as a savage. The stereotype of Russians is that they are alcoholic drunks. Tartar emetic was also a medicine used to induce vomit. Alcohol....vomit, they go hand in hand.

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Pedestrian, n. The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.

-This is funny because when you're driving pedestrians are really annoying. But, they usually catch your attention.

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LIGHTHOUSE, n. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.

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SELF-ESTEEM, n. An erroneous appraisement.

This is something I think of a lot, and I believe it is an important aspect of our lives. Yes, we need self-confidence, but this definition really makes me think about what it means to be humble. It makes me think and challenge all of my ideals, which I admire.

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OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.

I enjoy this definition because i feel that it is a common feeling we have towards old things. While the real definition pertains to age this more pertains to common feelings that are actually felt towards something considered "old"

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ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

I like this definition because it made me laugh. It's completely insulting, and not at all apologetic about it. It's so blunt and frank and politically incorrect.

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BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

-This is so true, especially for me. When I take baths, I do not want ANY interruption because it it relaxation time.

TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

-Most of the time people are talking, they aren't really talking about anything.

The Devil's Dictionary was a newspaper weekly first collected as a book in 1906. While the book represents diabolical appetites, and derides pretense, it should be noted that Bierce generally reserved his severest ridicule for those who benefit most from the status quo. It's easy to imagine him a century later relying less on casual political incorrectness, to pay better tribute to those who couldn't overindulge enough on the prosperity that took place. Minor edits have been made here under that consideration.

If you wish to copy and paste large excerpts from the Devil's Dictionary, HTML-only drafts of the book are listed at yahoo.com.

Slideshow-like web adaptations of Swift's A Modest Proposal and Machiavelli's The Prince.

Except for the book adapted, this entire site uses less code than a typical wired.com front page.

N

NOVEMBER, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.

-HA HA

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Habit- A shackle for the free.

I love this definition because it is completely true. Bad habits are controlling. Smokers are controlled by their bad habit, and thus are not free. Their habit of smoking controls certain decisions, which takes away their  freedom of choice in a way. Habits create the illusion of free choice.

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Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of language and making it hard/inelastic yet very useful

I find this ironic since this is found in the Devil's Dictionary almost condemning words and dictionaries themselves because they attempt to place meanings to words without having connotations attatched to them (by being in a sentence).

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Christian, n. One who believes that the new testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

I chose this definition because it has an important message about the tendency of Christians to not live what they preach, and to force Christian ideals on others, but not themselves.

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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

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OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

I like this because it's funny and true. The majority of the earth is water, and the dominant species, man, can't live in it; it's ironic.

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POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

I'm a big critic of politicians myself, even though I'm young. The politician is described as an 'eel in the fundamental mud' which really exemplifies how politicians are slimy and sneaky.

Also, this one:

LIAR, n.A lawyer with a roving commission.

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APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

I Find this definition to be great just because it's true. when someone apologizes for a trivial offence, they are never really sorry.

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Friendless-adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense

When I read this definition, I immediately thought how true the statement really is. In our society, being a true friend is ignoring the faults of those you "care" about and sharing the resources you have willingly. You also have this need to be biased aganist their foes. Dedicating yourself to the truth and common sense alienates yourself to everyone around you, because everyone has flaws and secrets.

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X- in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language. X is the sacred symbol of ten dollars, and in such words as Xmas, Xn, etc., stands for Christ, not, as is popular supposed, because it represents a cross, but because the corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the initial of his name — Xristos. If it represented a cross it would stand for St. Andrew, who "testified" upon one of that shape. In the algebra of psychology x stands for Woman's mind. Words beginning with X are Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary.

-I love this because it is so sarcastic. It made me laugh and I love how it starts off by saying it is a needless letter yet is used for so many things.

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Learning- The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

This defenition bluntly states how our society ignorantly believes that being studious is the same as learning.  Learning is open to more venues then that of just studying.

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LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure. This is so true. We act as if we use language for communication and good, yet often it turns out to deception and personal gain prove to be the real reason many people study language and its

inner workings. The charming aspect works well too, as language can often lull and mislead.