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Experts say diversity and discrimination are subjects that need to be addressed with children.

Cite this

American Psychological Association. (2016, March 9). Talking to kids about discrimination. https://www.apa.org/topics/racism-bias-discrimination/kids

Discussing discrimination can be hard enough for adults. Talking to kids about the subject can be especially daunting.

People can be discriminated against for any number of reasons, including age, gender, weight, religion, income level, disability, sexual orientation, and race or ethnicity. According to the 2015 APA Stress in America Survey, most Americans feel they have experienced discrimination. However, experiences of day-to-day discrimination are most likely to be reported by racial and ethnic minorities.

Unfortunately, many people are uncomfortable discussing racial differences. But when it comes to talking to children, experts say diversity and discrimination are subjects that shouldn't be ignored.

Children notice

Many people are hesitant to talk to their kids about differences because they don't want to draw attention to them. But whether you talk about those differences or not, kids notice when someone looks different than they do. They also notice when certain groups seem to be treated differently than others.

Studies show that even infants can distinguish skin tones. By early childhood, kids begin to have more favorable opinions of people they perceive as "the same" as they are-even if the similarities are meaningless. In one study, for instance, researchers randomly assigned 6-year-olds to either a green group or an orange group. Later, the kids were more likely to remember positive things about the kids in their own group, and negative things about kids in the other group. ¹

When parents avoid talking about differences and discrimination, experts say, children learn that the topic is taboo. Children might come to believe the differences they notice are more important than they really are. And they might be hesitant to ask questions, missing opportunities to challenge and correct stereotypes.

Discussing differences, on the other hand, can help kids appreciate diversity and better recognize discrimination when they see it. In one experiment with 8- to 11-year-olds, researchers read children storybooks that either downplayed racial differences (referred to as a "color-blind" approach) or talked about the value of diversity. Later, when listening to stories that featured examples of racial bias, the children who had read the "color-blind" books were less likely to recognize that bias. Kids who learned about diversity, on the other hand, were better at identifying examples of discrimination. ²

The stress of being discriminated against

All children can benefit from talking openly about diversity and bias. But for kids in groups more likely to be a target of discrimination, such conversations can be even more critical.

Perceived discrimination has been linked to physical and mental health problems including anxiety, depression, obesity, high blood pressure, and substance abuse. Many of these problems are believed to stem from the chronic stress associated with being a potential target of discrimination. ³

Discrimination-related stress can also affect how kids feel about themselves. It might prevent them from speaking up in class, or from participating in activities that are important to them.

But talking openly with children can prepare them for dealing with discrimination, and help them keep discrimination-related stress in check.

Discussing discrimination

How can you talk to your children about diversity and discrimination? Here are some guidelines to keep in mind.

Don't expect to have "the talk" about discrimination. It shouldn't be one conversation. Rather, let the discussion be open and ongoing.

Parents often avoid talking about hard subjects (including sex, underage drinking and discrimination) because they're personally uncomfortable. Keep talking anyway. The discussions get easier over time.

Use age-appropriate language children can understand, and don't give kids too much information at once. The conversation will get deeper and more nuanced as they get older.

Learn to respond to children's questions about differences and bias as they come up naturally. Help children feel that their questions are welcome, or they might come to believe that discussing differences is taboo.

Help children understand the value of diversity. A diverse set of experiences and viewpoints boosts creativity and helps kids (and adults) better understand the world around them. On the other hand, discrimination hurts everyone-not just the targets of discrimination. When people are discriminated against, we can miss an important opportunity to learn from them.

Take opportunities to raise discussions based on what you see around you-in real life, books, television shows and even video games. You might ask: "There aren't many female characters in this video game. What do you think of that?" or "Do you think that show accurately portrays LGBT characters, or does it rely on stereotypes?"

Help kids learn how to deal with being the potential target of discrimination. Plan ahead by developing healthy comebacks or responses to hurtful discriminatory statements. For example: "What an unkind thing to say." "Excuse me? Could you repeat that?" "I disagree with you, and here's why..."

If you hear children say something discriminatory, don't just hush them. Use the opportunity as a conversation starter to address their fears and correct their misperceptions.

Challenge your own assumptions and behavior. Do you laugh at racially insensitive jokes? Do you cross the street to avoid passing people of a different ethnic group? Children learn from your actions as well as your words.

Broaden their horizons. Think about the diversity of your own friendship and parenting networks and the places where you spend time. When kids are exposed to people from diverse backgrounds, they have more opportunities to learn about others and discover what they have in common.

Thanks to psychologists Diane Hughes, PhD, and Howard Stevenson, PhD, who assisted with this article.

References

¹ Dunham, Y., and Emory, J. (2014). Of affect and ambiguity: The emergence of preference for arbitrary groups. Journal of Social Issues, 70(1), 81-98. Doi: 10.1111/josi.12048

² Apfelbaum, E. P., Pauker, K., Sommers, S. R., & Ambady, N. (2010). In blind pursuit of racial equality? Psychological Science, 21(11), 1587-1592. doi: 10.1177/0956797610384741

³ Pascoe, E. A. & Richman, L. S. (2009). Perceived discrimination and health: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin 135(4): 531-554. Doi: 10.1037/a0016059

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Experts say diversity and discrimination are subjects that need to be addressed with children.

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We can foster a more just and caring society when we teach children at an early age to have empathy and to treat everyone with respect and care. The protests and the protesters' demands for change present an opportunity to share your values and beliefs about how we should interact with those around us.

Children as young as three years old begin to notice different races and skin colors. One way to start a conversation may be to compare your skin tone with theirs, noting how your skin looks different. Tell them that EVERYONE has differences, but skin color, height, etc. are part of who we are and what makes us unique. Every child is different. Parents know their children best, and they know what topics their child can handle, but it is crucial to talk to children about race early.
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How can parents prepare themselves?
Doing the next steps might make it easier for parents and kids to talk about sensitive topics like race.

There are numerous books, too many to list that offer insight into the Black American experience. Here are a couple of books to start with, Educate yourself. Race Matters , by Cornel West. From W. E. B. Du Bois to Cornel West, African-American intellectuals have helped Americans of all colors understand the sources of racism and the need for change, and "Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America" by Ibram X. Kendi .

Questions Children Might Ask
The events you see on TV might make kids feel scared and worried, so talking about it can help them cope with their feelings. The goal is to teach them the importance of taking care of themselves and their community while ensuring they feel safe and secure.

For instance, how we use our words when talking to someone or about someone can be helpful or hurtful. At HealthStart, we teach kids the importance of taking care of themselves and others through our Health Education For Youngsters Curriculum and other programs. Our curriculum includes lessons like, "Words that Pollute." This lesson reminds kids that words can be used as tools or as weapons, and we cannot unhear hurtful words.

When you begin to talk with your kids about race and the protests, it might be helpful to explain some of the things they might see on TV. Below we have listed some questions that kids might ask and ideas for answering them.
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Why are there so many people? Why are they yelling?

Many protestors are upset because people have been treated unfairly because of the color of their skin. Racism is when someone mistreats another person because of the color of their skin. You know that it is super important to treat everyone with kindness, even if they look different than you, but not everyone does this.

​Racism is hurtful and wrong. Black people, especially, have been wronged due to the way they look. Many Black people and others who disagree with racism are protesting to help end racism.

How to talk to your children about protest and racism by Sandee LaMotte, CNN. In this article, parents can find tips on talking to children about race. It is broken down by age groups starting with infants to teens. The report also covers "The Talk," an everyday conversation that happens in Black families.

Best moments from CNN and Sesame Street's town hall on racism for kids and parents. Elmo and his dad talk about racism and protesting. This video is a great one for parents and kids to watch and learn from together. The content is a great conversation starter.

Resources for Race, Equity, Anti-Racism, and Inclusion. A list of books on race, equity, anti-racism, and inclusion, as well as a list of Black-owned bookstores.

HealthStart's curriculum is intended for children ages 3-6. This health and science material teaches physical, nutritional, and social/emotional wellbeing. The lessons teach kids how to take care of their health and how you treat others impacts their health. ​

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We can foster a more just and caring society when we teach children at an early age to have empathy and to treat everyone with respect and care. The protests and the protesters' demands for change present an opportunity to share your values and beliefs about how we should interact with those around us.

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Copy of Steps 1-4: Conceptual Lens & Strands

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Copy of Steps 5-6: Generalizations & Guiding Questions

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Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.