# data[].attributes.body
We did group discussions. We showed our visual research process image to each other and introducing our ideas. We asked questions and provided reference information to help others get some inspirations.

# data[].attributes.body
I choose “Identity and Place” and “Body and Experience” as my starting topics/studios.

# data[].attributes.body
We need to do a 5-week research along with making, experimenting and creating. We need to connect the enquiry and knowledge with tangible actions.

# data[].attributes.body
At first, I don’t know what to draw on paper because I think I don’t want to continue the previous topics which are all about eating and food. But I’m satisfied with some of outcomes and experiences I got.

I wish this project can with something simple but interesting. Connecting to “identity and place” and “body and experience”, I am still interested in self-awareness and related emotions, but I need to find a way to drag myself out of the work.

I think of a psychological therapy/test called House-Tree-Person (HTP), I like how it can reflect and project people’s state through simple elements.

So I did planning/consideration of initial research I need to do.

# data[].attributes.body
It helps me clear my ideas and make great summary towards previous projects.

# data[].attributes.body
We took notes for each others and recorded the questions.
After the presenting session, we answered the questions below. I found the most important part for me is to find the reason I interested in the HTP test, what makes me struggling during the process?

# data[].attributes.body
I searched for basic information and evaluation of HTP test. I read some articles online and find related psychological knowledge which help me get deeper understanding of HTP.

# data[].attributes.headline
Concept challenge and reflective thoughts

# data[].attributes.subject
Concept challenge and reflective thoughts

# data[].attributes.body
During the concept challenge, I found it’s difficult to start any of these ideas, because it’s just a test or a method to let people explore about themselves and help with the identification of schizophrenia (medical method).

-Why people take the test?

Through visualizing image, people can show themselves and learn more about themselves. It’s still a conceptual question of ego and selfhood. The result is consistently changing, and the feeling of powerlessness I feel in trying to generalise and understand the many symbols is the same as I feel in trying to find myself. I come back to the beginning of "why I am interested in HTP" because I like to find traces of myself through testing, just as I like to do other personality tests on the internet for the same reason, I want to locate and label myself, I want to see myself. Compared to the mbti personality test, which is very popular these days, where I am categorised into a certain group of personalities, the HTP test has more room for free manipulation, as it doesn't categorise me into a certain group, but rather emphasises my existence and experience as a 'unique individual', and analyses my current state. I feel a sense of uniqueness, which fulfils the so-called meaning of my existence as an individual.

# data[].attributes.body
It makes me wonder why I am constantly searching for myself when I am tangible and palpable physically.

Why do I need to keep defining and identify myself? What is the ego? What is my ego?

I am not my name, my body is not me, my family is not me, my self-esteem, my emotions are part of me, my states, desires, memories, perceptions, principles are also just part of me.

I am..., I want..., I don't want..., I like..., I don't like....(these words can’t define me)

So the ego is empty, so I am always stuffing things for it because the emptiness , I long to piece together what I look like from various definitions. The ego is empty, so it changes all the time. The real thing doesn’t change but the fake thing always change. The sense of joy in childhood was due to the fact that my ego was light and hadn't yet begun to stuff things into it.

# data[].attributes.body
I realised that the so-called "self" from any kind of test or analysis is only a perception and a status quo, it is far from representing our true "self", the perception changes all the time, but this true self will never change, because It is empty.

This made me rethink my research on HTP, and there is no doubt that it is only a test method, and the creative content that can be developed on it is very limited. I think the most appealing aspect of HTP is its interactive nature, where the tester explores the current state of mind by doing it themselves. There is no more possible way to expand the freedom than the original test method. (Or even the sandbox: a fixed model is much more limiting than free creation)

# data[].attributes.body
I did photo lithography induction on Thursday, I made collage mixed with pencil drawings to create an overall image of my subject concept.

# data[].attributes.body
I made three identical prints in total, I want to make further experiment drawing on top of the other two lithography works. I’d like to add more details or elements.

# data[].attributes.body
I wish to combine the 2D with 3D effect to see what I can get. Because the HTP test is based on paper drawing and I like the texture and feelings of hand drawing, I want to see these three elements in reality and the way they compose a space.

# data[].attributes.body
I found it’s interesting to place them with different compositions, the effect and feeling are different, the interaction between them shows a kind of thumbnail of our life and attitude. About how we see ourselves, the perspective, action and distances.

# data[].attributes.body
Then we looked at the UAL criteria level 5 together on ual official website, we discussed each stage of the criteria and took some notes. It makes us find more clearer on the process of researching.

# data[].attributes.body
I let one of my friend do the HTP test, and I tried to analysis her drawing based on my evaluation research. The process make me understand more about each elements which take place in the image have meanings and metaphors. It’s a good practice for me.

# data[].attributes.body
My mom is a psychological counselor and she has read related books these years so I think it’s a good idea to have a conversation with her. Because I am stuck on this stage, I can’t find an entry point or core line through my topic.

# data[].attributes.body
During the conversation, I found a big inspiration that I can make a story about a person who want to be another creature so bad, he suffers but he can’t never be anyone else. The conflict and pain he feel is what I experienced recently. I wish to show the fight between he and himself and the process of he accepting himself.

I finally see why I am interested in this topic is because I have inner conflict and struggle with self-acceptance. Also it’s not necessary to try to find “what is self” on this stage, it’s too early to explore on that level of mind. I just need to deal with normal problem in my life( in most people’s life) now.

# data[].attributes.body
We learned how to do presentation professionally towards the research project.

# data[].attributes.body
Key words about my project:

self-acceptance
personality
identity
space

# data[].attributes.body
I saw many great artworks at Tate Museum, I photographed some of them which related to my project. This visit helped me a lot, it gave me inspirations.

# data[].attributes.body
I wanted to add something new to one of my lithographs by using the printing method I worked out in Project: 01, placing the paper underneath the rice paper and then drawing on the rice paper with ink.

# data[].attributes.headline
Practical drawings inspired by visiting Tate Museum

# data[].attributes.subject
Practical drawings inspired by visiting Tate Museum

# data[].attributes.body
I made a gif using Procreate Dreams. It’s about transformation of these three elements: house, tree and person. The process is interesting and I’d like to develop more with narrative animation. So I need a story.

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My consideration about my project before tutorial

# data[].attributes.body
I summarized my progress of thinking into simple sentences. Now I have a clear planning of my narrative story. But we still need to research and I’d like to explore visualization of these keywords that I mentioned. I will try to collect more knowledge based information and solid background for my comics.

# data[].attributes.body
We wrote down our names and project topics under the chosen format. I choose the ‘narrative and storytelling’.

# data[].attributes.body
I am not very clear about my comics topic, so I just name it with ‘compulsive repetition’.

# data[].attributes.body
As a group of two, we started from the word ‘create’, and then develop more keywords which are very inspiring. We see how we consider things so different and find connection through this process.

# data[].attributes.headline
Comic: Red Colored Elegy by Seiichi Hayashi

# data[].attributes.subject
Comic: Red Colored Elegy by Seiichi Hayashi

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My sketch based on my chosen element:fish

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My sketch about trying different styles of character design and the way to depict emotions in comics

# data[].attributes.body
I think the process is appropriate for me because I like to consider a project theme for a long time until it feels right and becomes logical. We can choose three other topics and try to experiment possibilities towards them, it means we can still change what we are going to make.
I feel very confused at this stage and I keep thinking about how to make my expectations happens for everyday. I try to find a “right” story, it means a lot to me, because ultimately all I want to do is honest work, I need to spend time to find out what I really want to express.

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My 15-mins drawing towards “Painting/ sculpture/ art installations”

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My 15-mins drawing towards “Figuration and representation”

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My 15-mins drawing towards “Animation/ character design”

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
My planning and tasks for spring holidays

# data[].attributes.body
We wrote down what we are going to complete during this holiday.

# data[].attributes.body
I found the trace of scratch is interesting. I like the effect of it.

# data[].attributes.body
I used the brushes in Artset to mimic the texture of the oil paintings, and I'm very happy with the effect of these images, which saves time waiting for the oil paintings to dry out, saves money, and allows for constant revisions.

# data[].attributes.body
During the creative process, I felt very powerless and uncomfortable, and I realized my limitations: my imagination is so scarce that I can only start from my own experience, and I have no interest in anything other than the emotions, experiences, and ideas I feel. The stories I wrote were so close to myself that such an almost self-narrative expression made me feel disgusted with myself, and this resistance was precisely the aggressive and destructive meaning that I emitted towards the projections I produced, as embodied in the stories.

Suddenly, I realized that Aoko Yone's journey in creating the manga, the sense of randomness and everydayness that I wanted to emulate, all the images are fragmented and everyday, they seem to be unrelated, but they allow the reader to feel a small connection, after reading this kind of manga, you will first be at a loss to understand what is going on, but you will be able to feel the state of mind it conveys of being in the world but also out of the world, with a subtle sense of pain and helplessness, which is very "life-like". It is a very "life-like" work.

First of all, I started with a psychological test, I concluded that its principle is projection, so I started to write a story around the theme of "projection", and this theme is very general and wide, it can be said that any object with a subjective color is considered to be a kind of projection, so I need to design the character, using the character's personal experience and emotions to draw the "projection". I drew part of the comic based on the script I wrote for the story, and over spring break I felt like I couldn't go through with it, and I've been thinking about why: I feel like this kind of story is too personal, and I don't like the presence of words/text, which I don't think is safe for me because the whole thing is a true reflection of my inner self, my own projection.

So I think that project can be my own HTP(projection), no matter what I show is my own projection. it’s personal and small but I still need to find a safe way to express my projection. I’d like to show it with separate digital drawing/illustrations, like a picture book without texts or dialogue.

I think the whole journey is a kind of self reflection and I am happy with it.