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I know that Lincoln Public Schools do as much as they can to take care of their students, which is the reason why I believe that they would like to know that school lunch could be better if the food was healthier. For example, at Lincoln High School we don’t have so many fresh fruits or vegetables, the only options we get are banana, apples, and pear for fruits and for vegetables we only have carrots and broccoli, however, depending on where the student’s class is located at and what time he or she gets in cafeteria the fresh food is gone. Most of the food offered in the cafeteria has a lot of sodium and it is not good for no one’s body.

The biggest obstacle for that is the price, but it can be resolved if schools cut some things that are not necessary, if the government raised taxes, or schools could try to create fun ways to fund money for the cafeteria.

***Gabby, this is a great start to using pathos in your letter! Your statements are on point, and you bring up valid arguments. The only change I would suggest making is adding more colorful word choice. Especially when you state "the fresh food is gone" or "has a lot of sodium and it is not good for one's body". How can we restated these items by keeping the same meaning but evoking more emotion with word choice? Let me know your thoughts or if you need assistance!***

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This has grave and even life-threatening consequences, as has been proven by a myriad of scientific studies that have shown that medically transitioning improves the mental health of transgender individuals.

I think I should better specify what "life threatening entails," perhaps by bringing up the fact that inability to transition sometimes leads to suicide.

***Elliot, this piece of pathos is very close to be extremely effective. The word "grave" is a powerful, subtle word. I agree with you when you say more specifics are needed for life threatening consequences. Depending on our background and experiences, life threatening can have many connotations. Strategy #2 states that we must let the connotation of the word do the work; however, we need a little bit of guidance. Constantly think about what emotion you want to get across to your audience. Once you have the emotion picked out, craft your word choice/connotations around that emotion. If words are left a little too open, they can be misinterpreted to the writer's disadvantage. Let me know your thoughts or if you need assistance with this!***

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Their goal towards these innocent people is to just rip their heart out like gallstones and hope they never bother you again.  But how can they survive when their only hope of life is in their center of their chest?

***Ashley, I personally think this is a wonderful use of pathos that is effective and achieves your mission. This could have been a very cliché statement that is over said and misused. You decide to have intense emotions with wording that represents them accurately. Well crafted sentences!***

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Unfortunately, the reason is not their passion or desire to work and be productive, they are driven by a great financial need. Now let’s think about single or disabled parents, or families that have multiple children?
Isn't it too much?What  would be a good substitute for the word multiple in this context?

***Julia, this is a great start to your pathos. The part that becomes emotionless or dry is "single or disabled parents, or families that have multiple children". These are some generic examples that don't show the true paths some families walk down. It may be beneficial to describe a specific situation where an individual might be serving as a single parent or describing a specific situation where multiple children are in one family. When you say multiple, what exact number are you thinking? Multiples can be 2 or 8, but those families function very differently due to their circumstances. The more specific and picturesque you can be with your examples, the more effective your letter will be! Let me know if you need more assistance with this!***

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He paid it all and all we need to do is except his love for us and except Jesus in our life because he was the perfect second Adam to save our life from the first Adam’s mistake.

He knew it all, that was why he choice to die for us because no other in this world could save themself or others, only Jesus could do that.

How can I make it more understandable or what do you think I should add or take out?

***Say, you provide a lot of great description in these couple of sentences! Your passion is definitely shining through with the pathos. I would change a couple of the following phrases to sound more original: "accept his love for us", "save our life", and "He knew it all". The reason I say these phrases is because these can be dipping into the cliché zone. How can we keep the same message but switch up the wording? Also, there are some grammatical/fluency errors that we can fix together in class to help bring clarity to your message, as well. Let me know your thoughts or if you need assistance with this!***

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Vice versa, homeless had more risk of being the victims since they don’t have a shelter. I need to help express with the emotion.

***Han, this piece of pathos is very close to being unique and original. The only item that needs more specification is the "more risks". As someone who has never experienced homelessness, the word "risks" is going to have a different connotation versus someone who has had to experience that their whole life. Therefore, paint a specific picture of what you mean by "risk". Provide more specific situations where these individual people are having to fight through these risks. Let me know your thoughts or if you need assistance with this!***

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How would you feel if your families and friends have to go through what those people who have been wrongly convicted felt. If it was me I would be bitter and never forget the treatment that was given to me.

I want to make it more descriptive.

***Pa, this pathos is in the working to be great! I personally love when you say you would be bitter, which is very specific type of feeling. Instead of saying "never forget", what is an alternative phrase that is more haunting? Also, instead of saying "How would you feel if you had to go through what these people go through?", it may be beneficial to plant this idea of what these people go through in my head specifically. As someone who has never been a part of a situation where someone was convicted, I am not going to be able to truly picture that life unless the specific thought with details and realism are given to me. Instead of saying "what these people go through" blatantly state what these people go through so I can better understand/picture it in my head as the audience and same with the person you are writing to. Let me know your thoughts or if you need more help!***

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Lincoln High, students shouldn’t be arranged into groups and be dehumanized. Many foreign students come from traumatic and depressing experiences where they are from.

***Alonzo, these sentences are extremely close to being accurate. Your first sentence is powerful with the word "dehumanized"; however, it dips off into cliché thoughts with "traumatic and depressing experiences". Depending on someone's background and experiences, these types of traumas and depressing moments may look different. It may be a wise decision to be a little bit more specific so your audience knows exactly what experiences you are talking about in terms of LHS international students. Paint that picture and give specific stories instead of general statements. Let me know your thoughts or if you need assistance!***

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All through grade school my close friend Jack walked almost two miles to and from school.
I think it needs more but I don't know where or what to put.

***Seth, this is very close, and it has the bare bones! Some places where we could be a bit more dramatic would be "all through grade school", "walked", and "two miles". I'm sure students flat out walk to school, but if you are doing it for years and years, the "way" you are walking and the mentality you have about it is going to change. For walking, consider using thesaurus.com to find alternative, more accurate words for how these kids walk. Also, two miles is a phrase that I think is just thrown around a lot of times. What did these two miles look like in the freezing cold, snow up their ankles, etc.? What was Jack's home life like? Was he well supported in terms of necessities and financial items? This will also play a factor in his two mile walk to and from school. Let me know your thoughts or if you need assistance with this!***