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In 'Things Fall Apart', the main character, Okonkwo, is often described in terms of fire and flames - his nickname is even 'Roaring Flame' - so, to him, fire symbolizes potential, masculinity, and life. It can destroy lives just as Okonkwo does as he struggles to show his masculinity.

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[Uchendu]: “Can you tell me, Okonkwo, why it is that one of the commonest names we give our children is Nneka, or ‘Mother is Supreme?’ We all know that a man is the head of the family and his wives do his bidding. A child belongs to its father and his family and not to its mother and her family. A man belongs to his fatherland and not to his motherland. And yet we say Nneka – ‘Mother is Supreme.’ Why is that?”

“I do not know the answer,” Okonkwo replied […].

“Then listen to me […]. It’s true that a child belongs to its father. But when a father beats his child, it seeks sympathy in its mother’s hut. A man belongs to his fatherland when things are good and life is sweet. But when there is sorrow and bitterness he finds refuge in his motherland. Your mother is there to protect you. She is buried there. And that is why we say that mother is supreme.”

The mother figure offers her child something the father never could – unconditional compassion. Uchendu presents fathers as a kind of fair-weather friend. This explains why a man is exiled to his motherland when he has committed a crime; he can expect to find sympathy and forgiveness there. And this is why “Mother is Supreme.”

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"Whenever the thought of his father’s weakness and failure troubled him he expelled it by thinking about his own strength and success. And so he did now. His mind went to his latest show of manliness.

“I cannot understand why you refused to come with us to kill that boy,” he asked Obierika."

When fearful of being like his father, Okonkwo has to reassure himself strongly of his own masculinity. Strangely, Okonkwo considers joining in the murder of Ikemefuna as being a “show of masculinity.” Considering that one traditional aspect of masculinity is being the protector of one’s family, killing Ikemefuna might just be cruel and gruesome, rather than masculine.

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He [Ikemefuna] was like an elder brother to Nwoye, and from the very first seemed to have kindled a new fire in the younger boy. He made him feel grown-up; and they no longer spent the evenings in mother’s hut while she cooked, but now say with Okonkwo in his obi, or watched him as he tapped his palm tree for the evening wine. Nothing pleased Nwoye now more than to be sent for by his mother or another of his father’s wives to do one of those difficult and masculine tasks in the home, like splitting wood, or pounding food. On receiving such a message through a younger brother or sister, Nwoye would feign annoyance and grumble aloud about women and their troubles.

Okonkwo was inwardly pleased at his son’s development, and he knew it was due to Ikemefuna. He wanted Nwoye to grow into a tough young man capable of ruling his father’s household when he was dead and gone to join the ancestors. He wanted him to be a prosperous man, having enough in his barn to feed the ancestors with regular sacrifices. And so he was always happy when he heard him grumbling about women. That showed that in time he would be able to control his women-folk. No matter how prosperous a man was, if he was unable to rule his women and his children (and especially his women) he was not really a man. He was like the man in the song who had ten and one wives and not enough soup for his foo-foo."

Ikemefuna’s presence makes Nwoye more willing to take on masculine tasks, however pretentiously. Okonkwo takes his son’s changing behavior as a sign of budding authoritative masculinity. Interestingly, Okonkwo defines men partially by their behavior towards women – males aren’t real men unless they can force women to do their bidding. Thus men can have free will, but women must be controlled and ruled over.

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"Okonkwo was deeply grieved […]. He mourned for the clan, which he saw breaking up and falling apart, and he mourned for the warlike men of Umuofia, who had so unaccountably become soft like women."

The breaking part of the people of Umuofia is a sign to Okonkwo of their developing weakness and femininity.  He mourns his clan because they epitomized masculinity. He considers them of less value by seeing his clan as feminine.

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"With two beautiful grown-up daughters his return to Umuofia would attract considerable attention. His future sons-in-law would be men of authority in the clan. The poor and unknown would not dare come forth."

Okonkwo in part values his daughters because they are beautiful and can therefore attract the most respected men, which will in turn bring Okonkwo more honor and status in the community. Though we know Okonkwo cares about Ezinma, he does still objectify all his daughters, seeing them as vehicles to further his reputation.

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“You have all seen the great abomination of your brother. Now he is no longer my son or your brother. I will only have a son who is a man, who will hold his head up among my people. If any one of you prefers to be a woman, let him follow Nwoye now while I am alive so that I can curse him.” (Pg.7)

Okonkwo considers Nwoye's transfer to the Christian side as a sign of lost masculinity and basically considers him unworthy to be part of his family. So to make sure his children follow the stereotypical traditions of what is considered masculine and feminine, he disowns his son for this crime and swears to do the same to who ever follows.

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"Okonkwo was popularly called the ‘Roaring Flame.’ As he looked into the log fire he recalled the name. He was a flaming fire. How then could he have begotten a son like Nwoye, degenerate and effeminate? Perhaps he was not his son. No! he could not be. His wife had played him false. He would teach her! But Nwoye resembled his grandfather, Unoka, who was Okonkwo’s father. He pushed the thought out of his mind. He, Okonkwo, was called a flaming fire. How could he have begotten a woman for a son?" (pg.25)

Okonkwo compares himself to a flame, which is a symbol of masculinity for its flaming temper, and its destructiveness. He's extremely disappointed in Nwoye because he isn't a raging fire like him. It hurts Okonkwo's own sense of masculinity to see that his own progeny is not fire-like.

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“It was only this morning,” said Obierika “that Okonkwo and I were talking about Abame and Aninta, where titled men climb trees and pound foo-foo for their wives.”

“All their customs are upside-down. They do not decide bride-price as we do, with sticks. They haggle and bargain as if they were buying a goat or a cow in the market.”

“That is very bad,” said Obierika’s eldest brother. “But what is good in one place is bad in another place. In Umunso they do not bargain at all, not even with broomsticks. The suitor just goes on bringing bags of cowries until his in-laws tell him to stop. It is a bad custom because it always leads to a quarrel.”

“The world is large,” said Okonkwo. “I have even heard that in some tribes a man’s children belong to his wife and her family.”

“That cannot be,” said Machi. “You might as well say that the woman lies on top of the man when they are making the children.”

The Umuofia are dead set in their definitions of what is masculine and what is feminine. Machi can’t even abide by the idea that in some cultures, women own their children. He compares that aberration of appropriate social structure to the impossibility of women being on top during sex – which you only have to check out Cosmopolitan once to know that isn’t really an impossibility. Anyway, the men seem to feel that their own masculinity is threatened by other tribes flouting different customs. Okonkwo and many of the other Umuofia men, then seem to derive their feelings of masculine self-worth from outside sources – like cultural practices – rather than from an internal feeling of positive self-image.

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“It was only this morning,” said Obierika “that Okonkwo and I were talking about Abame and Aninta, where titled men climb trees and pound foo-foo for their wives.”

“All their customs are upside-down. They do not decide bride-price as we do, with sticks. They haggle and bargain as if they were buying a goat or a cow in the market.”

“That is very bad,” said Obierika’s eldest brother. “But what is good in one place is bad in another place. In Umunso they do not bargain at all, not even with broomsticks. The suitor just goes on bringing bags of cowries until his in-laws tell him to stop. It is a bad custom because it always leads to a quarrel.”

“The world is large,” said Okonkwo. “I have even heard that in some tribes a man’s children belong to his wife and her family.”

“That cannot be,” said Machi. “You might as well say that the woman lies on top of the man when they are making the children.”

The Umuofia are dead set in their definitions of what is masculine and what is feminine. Machi can’t even abide by the idea that in some cultures, women own their children. He compares that aberration of appropriate social structure to the impossibility of women being on top during sex – which you only have to check out Cosmopolitan once to know that isn’t really an impossibility. Anyway, the men seem to feel that their own masculinity is threatened by other tribes flouting different customs. Okonkwo and many of the other Umuofia men, then seem to derive their feelings of masculine self-worth from outside sources – like cultural practices – rather than from an internal feeling of positive self-image.

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“It was only this morning,” said Obierika “that Okonkwo and I were talking about Abame and Aninta, where titled men climb trees and pound foo-foo for their wives.”

“All their customs are upside-down. They do not decide bride-price as we do, with sticks. They haggle and bargain as if they were buying a goat or a cow in the market.”

“That is very bad,” said Obierika’s eldest brother. “But what is good in one place is bad in another place. In Umunso they do not bargain at all, not even with broomsticks. The suitor just goes on bringing bags of cowries until his in-laws tell him to stop. It is a bad custom because it always leads to a quarrel.”

“The world is large,” said Okonkwo. “I have even heard that in some tribes a man’s children belong to his wife and her family.”

“That cannot be,” said Machi. “You might as well say that the woman lies on top of the man when they are making the children.”

The Umuofia are dead set in their definitions of what is masculine and what is feminine. Machi can’t even abide by the idea that in some cultures, women own their children. He compares that aberration of appropriate social structure to the impossibility of women being on top during sex – which you only have to check out Cosmopolitan once to know that isn’t really an impossibility. Anyway, the men seem to feel that their own masculinity is threatened by other tribes flouting different customs. Okonkwo and many of the other Umuofia men, then seem to derive their feelings of masculine self-worth from outside sources – like cultural practices – rather than from an internal feeling of positive self-image.

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“Whenever the thought of his father’s weakness and failure troubled him he expelled it by thinking about his own strength and success. And so he did now. His mind went to his latest show of manliness.“

He despises his father for seeming weak so he tries all he can to be strong and masculine. So Okonkwo has to reassure himself he’s not getting weak.

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“When did you become a shivering old woman,” Okonkwo asked himself, “you, who are known in all the nine villages for your valor in war? How can a man who has killed five men in battle fall to pieces because he has added a boy to their number? Okonkwo, you have become a woman indeed.”

Okonkwo feels horrible for killing a boy who he considered his son so he shuns all his emotions. Thinking that feeling guilt and compassion was too feminine, which he despised.

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“Okonkwo was inwardly pleased at his son’s development, and he knew it was due to Ikemefuna. He wanted Nwoye to grow into a tough young man capable of ruling his father’s household when he was dead and gone to join the ancestors. He wanted him to be a prosperous man, having enough in his barn to feed the ancestors with regular sacrifices. And so he was always happy when he heard him grumbling about women. That showed that in time he would be able to control his women-folk. No matter how prosperous a man was, if he was unable to rule his women and his children (and especially his women) he was not really a man. He was like the man in the song who had ten and one wives and not enough soup for his foo-foo.”

Ikemefuna’s presence makes Nwoye more willing to take on masculine tasks, however pretentiously. Okonkwo takes his son’s changing behavior as a sign of budding authoritative masculinity. Interestingly, Okonkwo defines men partially by their behavior towards women – males aren’t real men unless they can force women to do their bidding. Thus men can have free will, but women must be controlled and ruled over.

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“Okonkwo cleared his throat and moved his feet to the beat of the drums. It filled him with fire as it had always done from his youth. He trembled with the desire to conquer and subdue. It was like the desire for woman.“

Okonkwo characterizes his desire to wrestle as a desire for sex. This passage also gives us a very clear insight into how he views women: as objects to “conquer” and “subdue.” Clearly, Okonkwo doesn’t see women as his equals, and don’t want to treat them as such for his power and masculinity has blurred him from doing so.

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“Okonkwo ruled his household with a heavy hand. His wives, especially the youngest, lived in perpetual fear of his fiery temper,”

men are the dominant sex and they “rule” over their families, including their wives. Women are relegated to a more or less servile position, often living in fear of their husbands. Though Okonkwo’s quick temper with his family is never portrayed as admirable, he unquestionably has the right to be aggressive at home. He has all the power.

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“The elders, or ndichie, met to hear a report of Okonkwo’s mission. At the end they decided, as everybody knew they would, that the girl should go to Ogbuefi Udo to replace his murdered wife. As for the boy, he belonged to the clan as a whole, and there was no hurry to decide his fate.”

The boy’s fate is not yet decided but the young girl still has to pay for someone else’s crime immediately and since these children are immediately taken away, it causes a spilt in their family eventually.