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Eating with your family has always been important to everyone. It is a way for parents and their children to spend time together around the table to talk about their day and strengthen their bond. Having some time with family to have a meal together is most definitely essential as it is a way for busy parents to find time for their kids because nowadays it's hard for parents to spend time with their children due to their jobs.

I like that you set the stage well with the use of your general statements. However, where is your thesis statement? The thesis statement should highlight the three main points of your essay.

Consider this instead:

Eating with your family has always been important to everyone. It is a way for people to spend time around the table to talk about their day and strengthen their bond. Having a meal with the family is thus essential as it encourages family togetherness (pt 1)   because nowadays it's hard for parents to spend time with their children due to their jobs. (You can write this as a development in your body paragraphs), increases the confidence and self esteem of children (pt 2), and saves time and money (pt 3).

May read this blog post for more ideas: https://blog.swedish.org/swedish-blog/7-benefits-of-eating-together-as-a-family

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Having a nice peaceful and relaxing vacation alone is an ideal holiday idea as many teenagers prefer being alone.When people say peaceful,relaxing near the beach or in a swimming pool is what comes to mind.A unappealing holiday idea is a busy and hectic environment.As a teenager myself,I personally find noisy and environments bustling with people too noisy.The three characteristics for an ideal vacation is quietness,peacefulness and luxurious.

You have a few great ideas :) Just need to cut down on repeated ideas. Saying it once is enough. Read my suggested entry below:

When people think of the word 'vacation', images of a resort near the beach, or a cocktail beside the pool, are usually what comes to mind. These peaceful and relaxing scenes are sought after perhaps because young people these days lead very hectic lives. Therefore the ideal holiday is somewhere idyllic, an escape from the urban jungle, and for those with finer taste, something a little bit more luxurious.

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Eating with family has always been important to everyone. It is a way for parents to spend time with their kids around the table and it gives parents the time to know more about their kid's life and to strengthen their bond with them. Spending some time with family is most definitely essential as many parents can't spend time with their kid's because of their busy jobs. Eating with their children is a way for them to spend time with them and it also gives them time to talk to their kids.

I have posted my comments in the previous post. Refer to the above ^

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Did you know Singapore has a place called Toa Payoh?Although singapore is a well-developed country, there comes with it some pros and cons of some area of country having that status. My family and I had lived in Toa Payoh for the last ten years. It is the most beautiful place in Singapore. All of my family members share the same statement as me. In Toa Payoh, there is a variety of food and people are kind to each other but it is noisy and dirty here.

Hey Sharon! Wow! I am happy to see that your intro has become way from fluent than it was last year :))) I thought the later part of the para was very written and needs minimal correction.

Just note that the general statements do not have to be that extensive. The first few lines actually sounded rather out of place. Consider this instead:

My family and I had lived in Toa Payoh for the last ten years. It is the most beautiful place in Singapore. All of my family members share the same sentiments. In Toa Payoh, there is no lack of food options and the residents here are extremely kind. That is why we love this place!  That said, our overly enthusiastic neighbours can be rather boisterous at times and the level of cleanliness still needs some work on.

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Do you ever find yourself not knowing where to go for a holiday? Youngsters nowadays prefer to stay at home to play video games for the holidays. While, adults prefer to travel out of their country to have a different experience. There are many ways to find your ideal holiday spot, for example as teenager you can travel to Disneyland to enjoy the rollercoaster rides or to travel to effiel tower to enjoy the scenery. While, adults on the other hand prefer to enjoy nature and travel to mountains to do mountain trekking or to explore wildlife.

Hey Darius, great to start with a question. That was attention grabbing. However, why did you talk about adults? It can be seen as a form of digression. Read my suggested entry below that was rewritten using your ideas:

'Do you ever find yourself not knowing where to go for a holiday?'
THIS QNS DOESNT REALLY APPLY TO THE TOPIC. CHANGE IT TO:

Do you realise that at every stage of life, the perfect holiday that we enjoy changes? When we were younger children, perhaps Legoland and Hello Kittyland were the best. For the average Singaporean adults, a great holiday spells endless shopping and eating. However, for teens who do not have deep pockets, that screams 'NO'. What young people truly desire is a vacation that allows for independence, self exploration and the possibilities of making new friendships through travel - Think backpacking.

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Hi YJ, your general statements are well crafted:) You can shorten your sentences to make your writing more crisp - you get to your point faster and more effectively.

Also, your thesis statement only has 1 point. That is insufficient. Please give 2 more points that are different. I have given 2 ideas below for your consideration

In Asian culture, eating together is one of the most important  cherished practices that is still commonly seen today. Seeing a Friends going out together just to eat are a A table of friends eating and laughing together is common sight in every kind of eatery, high class restaurants to even kopitiams. But However, what is more important and cherished in Asian culture is family, and more importantly, eating together as a family. We eating together as a family to maintain the This simple activity strengthens the (Point 1) strong familial bond that Asians are well known for, (Point 2) it teaches children good values such as the Chinese notion of union versus division denoted by round tables, round dishes, and round bowls, (Point 3) and it also saves money for the family.Some parents, although working hard throughout the day and sometimes working overtime, will try their best to make it home on time for dinner because they understand the true value of eating together.  (All of these are just point development of the first, you should park them in your body paragraph)

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Though physically small, Singapore is an economic giant. Singapore has been Southeast Asia's most modern city for over a century! My family and I has been living in Woodlands for quite some time now. However, there are always two sides to a coin. Amid the many advantages, lie the disadvantages that this modern city brings. Some examples of the advantages of living in Singapore are the educational system and that it is safe. The disadvantages are the weather and the high cost of living.

Hi Mekelle!

I like that your general statements and thesis statement tie in well. However you seem to have missed the point of the essay. It requires you to write about an area (e.g. Woodlands), and not Singapore as a whole.

You may want to refer to my amended paragraph for Sharon as an example :)

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In the past 20 years, the frequency of family dinners has declined 33 percent. In addition, a recent poll by YouGov found that 62% of parents with children under 18 wish they had family dinners “much more often” or “somewhat more often.” In my opinion I think that having family dinners is very important as family meals provide an opportunity for family members to come together, strengthen ties and build better relationships as most family members are busy with school, outside activities or work. by setting aside some time for family dinner it build a sense of belonging which leads to better self-esteem. They may be able to find about talents their sibling or family members may have with culinary . Also you can even try new recipes and by doing so, you’ll create more memories together. health benefits are like less use of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. By setting a specific time to be home for dinner, teens will have lesser opportunites to do illegal stuff along with hanging out with bad influence and this will also improve their mental health as they know that they have someone to talk to during family dinner. Lastly , it will also lower the risk of eating disorder as you’ll be influence to eat along with your family members.

Hi team, those are very jarring stats that you found. What an excellent way to capture my attn. :)
You have multiple convincing points too. Just note that the development is unnecessary in the intro paragraph. You can move them to the body paragraphs. Having too many points in the intro will only cloud your main message.

Consider the amended paragraph below. Can you identify the difference?

Over the past 20 years, the frequency of family dinners has declined by a shocking 33 percent. In addition, a recent poll by YouGov found that 62% of parents with children under 18 wish they had family dinners “more often”. This is why I think that having family dinners is very important as (point 1) family meals provide an opportunity for its members to strengthen ties and build better relationships,  (point 2) raise the self esteem of children, and (point 3) improve children's health when they eat well.

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“It is important for families to take meals together.” Yes, I do agree it is extremely crucial for families to take meals together. Most of us never thought of the importance of sitting down and eating a meal with our families and hence, we don’t. There are varies of benefits we get from eating with our loved ones. For example, it helps us to improve our mental health, strengthen the family bonding and healthy lifestyle.

Thesis is very clearly stated:) Good job.
However your general statements are a little too rigid. You DO NOT have to say 'Yes, I agree'. This is bland way to start an essay.

Consider this (I just gave more context to your intro, and reworded some sentences. Can you see the difference?):
Most of us who lead hectic lives never really consider the importance of sitting down and enjoying a meal with our families and hence, we seldom make the effort to. However, there are in fact many benefits that can be derived from eating with our loved ones. For starters, it helps us to improve our mental health, strengthen family bonds and encourage a healthier diet.

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Did you know that people that live in different areas may have different experiences in living in Singapore? My family and I lives in Sembawang which is located in the north of Singapore. I personally grew to love the area over time, but there are still some down factors about living in this area. I really like how it is very peaceful and quiet, and that it is also near the sea. However, I do not like how the duration of travelling to the city takes quite some time and how the area that I live in is built in a semicircle making our voices echo.

Singapore is small country with a homogenous population, but did you know that if you lived in a different neighbourhood, you may have a different experience?

My family and I live in Sembawang, which is located in the north of Singapore. I personally grew to love the area - I really like how it is very peaceful and quiet, and that it is near the sea. However, I do not like how far it is away from town and how the HDB flats are being laid out in my area.

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Hi Harshika,
you make good sense in your intro, but it can be a little too informative. I wonder how you are going to extend your points in the main body paragraphs. Try to cut down on redundant words too.

See suggested:

Nowadays, we seem to have no time on our hands to spend with our loved ones. All of us are simply too engaged with study and work.
Therefore we must make it a point to space out time for the family and having meals together is a good start which gives quite a number of benefits. Firstly it strengthens family bonds, secondly, it reduces the stresses of our daily life and thirdly, it helps children achieve greater academic success.

Nowadays,we seem to have no time in our hands to spend on our loved ones as we may be too engaged in whether is to study for upcoming tests ,exams or to work even harder than before to climb up the ladder from current work positions to earn a higher income.As we are immensely engrossed with our often high ambitions that we want to acheive in life,we tend to forget about the people who are the most closest to us .For instance our families.We must make it a point to spend time if not our relationships with them are bound to have barriers and even crumble down gradually.Spending time with families does not necessarily always have to mean for instance,going to the beach or having a picnix in the outdoors.It can as small as eatimg together.Even just by eating together for atleast a meal for a relatively short period of time carries a quite a number of benefits.Firstly it strengthens bonds in relationships as it brings us even closer to them.Secondly it helps to handle our stresses of our daily life .Thirdly it is highly beneficial for students as it has a higher likelihood of them doing better in their studies.