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"Self-Portrait as Kendrick Lamar, Laughing to the Bank" By Ashanti Anderson (With Recitation)

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"Self-Portrait as Kendrick Lamar, Laughing to the Bank" By Ashanti Anderson (With Recitation)

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This, what God feels like: laughing
alone in an empty room of tiny doors,
behind every door a metal box, inside each
a man’s red heart, lying. I don’t write
of the cartoonish thing split and jagged
at its insides. Instead, of how I break
even across the same backs spindled by hate.
I tell God I understand and what I mean is
I’ve noticed good people must die to let
there be light in my house. We share a likeness,
God and I, both laughing like something
green folded in our throats. Laughing mean-
while somebody’s auntie asks for Anything
Helps. Laughing when people say they don’t
want to read about the bad stuff. Crying
laughing as we pass our pain off as an offering
plate. Sometimes I nervous chuckle, knowing
trauma pays, but the only time I really laugh
is when I’m laughing to the bank like a-ha.

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The theme of this poem is the complicated relationship between pain, success, and laughter, and black people, particularly artists, experience these things. This poem by Ashanti Anderson suggests that being successful may come at a cost, and how laughter can help someone cope with it all. Anderson uses their own experiences as a black artist while comparing themselves to God and reflecting on the ways in which laughter can be a source of strength, but also weakness as it can mask the anguish being felt in that moment. Lines 10-11 support this theme as it says "We share a likeness, / God and I, both laughing like something / green folded in our throats." This particular quote from the poem implies a shared experience of suffering, and using laughter as a coping mechanism. Also, lines 17-19 state "Sometimes I nervous chuckle knowing / trauma pays, but the only time I really laugh / is when I'm laughing to the bank like a-ha." These lines highlight the rocky relationship between success, and the pain that may come with it. It suggests that even if someone were to achieve some level of success, it could coincide with dissatisfaction and discomfort. Ultimately, the poem considers how black artists deal with the struggles between pain and success, and the use of laughter as a coping mechanism.

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Ashanti's tone in this poem complicated as well as reflective. At certain points, the tone is reflective as Anderson is reflecting on their own experiences and the connection between success and the cost that comes with it. For example, lines 8-10, the speaker says "I tell God I understand and what I mean is / I've noticed good people must die to let / there be light in my house." This tone seems to be thoughtful, which shows understanding that there are costs, and sacrifices that can be made when it comes to success. However, the tone also contains aspects of irony. Lines 17-18 state "Sometimes I nervous chuckle, knowing / trauma pays..." This part of the poem suggests that Anderson knows that their pain can be something valuable, and that success isn't easy to achieve, and it may come at a price. The tone in this section is ironic as it can be contradictory between the success Anderson achieves and the pain that comes with it. In this poem, there are some visible shifts in tone. The beginning of the poem seems to be very unusual or imaginary when the reader talks about "an empty room of tiny doors, / behind every door a metal box, inside each / a man's red heart, lying." But, as the poem continues, the tone progresses to be more realistic when Anderson discusses the challenges faced being a black artist, an ongoing issue in the world. Overall, the tone is significant as it captures the hardships of being successful while still carrying pain. The irony in the tone displays that success isn't all easy, and challenges are still faced.

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One example of personification in this poem is in the line "laughing like something / green folded in our throats." In this particular line, laughter is personified as something that physically folded in their throats. It is personified to seem like a real, physical, tangible object. This personification modifies the poem as it makes the emotions/feelings being experienced  easier for readers to imagine. When laughter is personified in a way like this, Anderson is able to express the physical feeling of laughing, in addition to how it can be a strengthen someone, and simultaneously mask the pain being felt. Also, the use of this literary device adds even more to the poem because it suggests emotions that are being experienced aren't just intangible and in one's mind, but they can also present themselves in a physical manner. Anderson's use of personification helps people see the emotions being described in a different, yet more vivid way.

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This poem uses formal and colloquial language, and concrete language. The diction can be very details, but sometimes it is vague. The phrase "somebody's auntie asks for Anything / Helps" creates some amount of intimacy, and it makes it seem as if Anderson is sharing a personal experience. This colloquial portion of writing helps Anderson communicate the struggle being described. Ultimately, the colloquial language can make the poem seem more impactful in an emotional way, and relatable to the people reading it. Simultaneously, the poem uses formal language. For example, the phrase "We share a likeness, / God and I." This phrase is written in a formal manner and it highlights the religious connection, and themes that continues throughout the poem. The language in this poem can also be defined as concrete and vivid as it makes the readers imagine a metal box with a man's red heart lying in it, which makes the poem feel more physical and concrete. Overall, the use of formal, colloquial, and concrete language helps create more complexity within the poem. The language used creates powerful and detailed images that make the poem seem more real.

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"Behind every door a metal box, inside each / a man's red heart, lying." This can be a very significant metaphor in the poem as the metal box can be a metaphor for a person's physical body, and the red heart can be a metaphor for every emotion hidden within our body's. The metal box can suggest that our body's can feel like a prison, particularly to the people that struggle with pain and internal conflicts. Even though the emotions aren't visible, they are still present and they are very impactful as they make us human. The metaphor with the heart displays how humans are very complex creatures, and how our emotions can be beautiful, yet painful. These metaphors are important because it creates a provocative image that displays the pain and suffering Anderson is describing. Overall, metaphors in this poem create a mental image when it comes to suffering and pain, and how these feelings can be trapped and hard to express, but they are still present. The metaphor highlights how emotions are complicated and it makes the poem seem much more powerful and gripping.

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There are multiple instances of imagery in this poem. Lines 3-4 are an example, "behind every door a metal box, inside each / a man’s red heart, lying." The poem makes a reader imagine a room filled with tiny doors, and each one containing a metal box with a human heart inside. This image is unusual and slightly disturbing, but it helps forward the emotional burden of the themes that are talked about in this poem. The poem also uses language that's more on the sensory side to create images that engage one's senses. An example would be in the line "Sometimes I nervous chuckle, knowing / trauma pays," the poem creates a sense of pressure and discomfort that a reader would be able to feel in their body. Likewise, the line "laughing like something / green folded in our throats," the poem creates a sense of  uneasiness, as it appears that laughing would cause some pressure, or blockage in their throat.