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Materialien zum Einsatz von Games in der Erinnerungskultur und zur Fortbildung von Mitarbeitenden von Lern- und Gedenkorten.

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Whimsy is a small game engine and a fantasy console for making interactive stories where you can navigate the worlds you create and talk with stuff!

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Kostenloses Unterrichtsmaterial zu Informatik und Digitalisierung: Programmieren lernen mit Scratch, App Entwicklung, Calliope und mehr.

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Scratch und Kontraste – Netzwerk Inklusion mit Medien

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Vernetztes Schreiben mit Twine | eBildungslabor

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Schneller Überblick Twine bietet spannende Einsatzmöglichkeiten zum Lehren und Lernen: Aus Lehrendenperspektive lassen sich Tutorials und andere Selbstlernmaterialien gestalten. Lernende können Twine zum kreativen Schreiben und zur Gestaltung von Spielen nutzen. Die Grundidee von Twine ist, dass man ‚vernetzt‘ schreiben kann. Das bedeutet: Es lassen sich mehrere Links anbieten, aus denen Lesende auswählen und so […]

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Q Quelle: Edge.com, Gary Lucken Relevanz ...ein gestaltetes Medium... Nutzung digitaler Spiele durch Kinder und Jugendliche "Journey" (2012) Kinder und Medien 60% der Kinder von 6-13 76% Cosplay und der Jugendlichen von 12-19 ...die Befriedigung natürlicher Bedürfnisse ...Spaß

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Erinnern: Die Kinder vom Bullenhuser Damm

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Erinnern: Die Kinder vom Bullenhuser Damm

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Alfred Landecker | Erinnern. Die Kinder vom Bullenhuser Damm.

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Wir erinnern an den Holocaust. Wir bekämpfen gruppenbezogenen Hass mit Fokus auf Antisemitismus. Wir streiten für Demokratie.

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Terms & Conditions Apply - A fun mini-game about pop-ups and the deviousness of websites and apps

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A fun mini-game about pop-ups and the deviousness of websites and apps

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Through the Darkest of Times (TtDoT) is a strategy game, that lets you play a resistance group in Berlin during the Nazi-time. You play a resistance leader and plan and execute actions to win supporters and weaken the regime. You need to balance the morale of your members, get resources to execute actions and avoid getting caught by the Gestapo. The game plays in turns and chapters. Every turn is one week and every chapter is covering a specific period of the Third Reich: Seizure of Power (1933), Peak (1936), War (1940/1941), Collapse (1944/1945).

Your character and the group members are fictional and the game creates them procedurallyon each playthrough, giving them different personalities, abilities and views. While you aren't playing as a specific historical organization, there were a number of groups that were very similar to the ones in the game, such as the Schulze-Boysen-Harnack group or the one around Herbert Baum.

We are convinced, that history is an extraction of stories that people experience and create with their thoughts, words and deeds. So yes, you can. And in the game.

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Through the darkest of Times ~ Paintbucket Games

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Through the Darkest of Times (TtDoT) is a strategy game, that lets you play a resistance group in Berlin during the Nazi-time. You play a resistance leader and plan and execute actions to win supporters and weaken the regime. You need to balance the morale of your members, get resources to execute actions and avoid getting caught by the Gestapo.

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Play as young prosecutor Esther Katz in post-world war II Germany. Investigate real Nazi crimes, interrogate witnesses, find clues and bring the perpetrators to justice.

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The Westport Independent - Double Zero One Zero

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As our development studio is now defunct, we decided to make The Westport Independent a free game. You can download the game from any of the links down bellow!

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© Goethe-Institut / Charles Games

über das Projekt

Mit dem Videospiel Playing Kafka ist es nun möglich, virtuell in die mysteriöse Romanwelt Kafkas einzutauchen. Durch die Interaktion mit der Spielwelt, packende Dialoge mit den Charakteren und interaktive Rätsel begeben sich die Spieler*innen auf eine kafkaeske Reise.

Welche Entscheidungen würden Sie an Joseph K.s Stelle treffen? Jede Wahl beeinflusst den Spielverlauf und die Geschichte. Playing Kafka fordert die Spieler*innen dazu auf, sich aktiv in die Erzählung einzubringen und öffnet so den Raum für individuelle Reflexionen über Kafkas Werke im Kontext unserer heutigen Welt.

Playing Kafka eignet sich hervorragend als didaktisches Videospiel, um Schüler*innen auf kreative Weise in das Werk und Leben von Franz Kafka einzuführen. Zusätzlich steht umfassendes pädagogisches Begleitmaterial zur Verfügung.

Das erste Modul des Spiels, das sich an Kafkas Roman Der Prozess anlehnt, ist seit Juni 2023 in der PC-Version (Windows) in englischer und tschechischer Sprache kostenlos verfügbar (siehe unten). Im Mai 2024 wird das vollständige Spiel veröffentlicht, welches auch Module enthält, die von Kafkas Brief an den Vater und Das Schloss inspiriert sind. Dieses wird kostenlos für die breite Öffentlichkeit auf mobilen Geräten (iOS, Android) sowie für PC (Windows, Mac OS) in drei Sprachversionen: Tschechisch, Deutsch und Englisch erhältlich sein.

Playing Kafka wird Goethe-Institut zusammen mit dem unabhängigen Spielestudio Charles Games entwickeln. Das Projekt wurde durch den Nationalen Wiederherstellungsplan des Kulturministeriums der Tschechischen Republik unterstützt, der von der Europäischen Union finanziert wird.

Der erste Teil des Spiels zum Herunterladen

Der erste Teil des Spiels, der lose an Kafkas Roman Der Prozess angelehnt ist, steht allen Interessierten in der PC-Version (Windows) seit Juni 2023 kostenlos zur Verfügung.

Mehr Info & Kontakt

Wenn Sie weitere Informationen über das Spiel wünschen oder mit Ihren Schüler*innen das Spiel und die Lehrmethode testen möchten, abonnieren Sie bitte unseren Newsletter oder schreiben Sie uns eine E-Mail an Monika.Loderova@goethe.de.

Förderer

Das Videospiel Playing Kafka wird gemeinsam mit Charles Games realisiert und aus dem Nationalen Wiederaufbauplan des Tschechischen Kulturministeriums gefördert, welcher durch die Europäische Union finanziert wird.

© Goethe-Institut / Charles Games

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Das Goethe-Institut Tschechien stellt Fragen, gibt Antworten und fördert den Austausch und die Vernetzung zwischen Deutschland und Tschechien!

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A code free tool for creating small platformer games.

design levels

playtest them

redraw sprites

export standalone games that you can show your friends or upload on any platform :)

CONTROLS:

x/j - alternative action (dash etc.)
Social Media:

Games made with Pocket Platformer:

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Code free tool for creating platformer games. Play in your browser

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Jahresreport 2024 der deutschen Games-Branche

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Jahresreport 2024 der deutschen Games-Branche

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Der Jahresreport 2024 der deutschen Games-Branche gibt einen umfassenden Überblick über die Entwicklung des Games-Marktes und der Games-Branche in Deutschland.

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"Twine" ist eine kostenfreie Software, die sich hervorragend eignet, um selber interaktive Geschichten und einfache Computerspiele zu produzieren. Nachfolgend finden Sie einige Materialien, die wir in unseren Fortbildung zum Thema "Twine" verwenden:

Twine - Materialien zum Download

Laden Sie sich unser Material-Paket zu "Twine" herunter:

Starten Sie nach dem Download die Datei "Entscheide Dich 001.html" um einen ersten Eindruck von den Möglichkeiten in "Twine" zu erhalten. Versuchen Sie auch "Entscheide Dich 002.html". Sieht fast genauso aus wie die erste Datei, aber, wenn Sie lange genug spielen, erhalten Sie eine weitere Auswahlmöglichkeit.

Eigentlich benötigt man in "Twine" nur einen einzigen Befehl (nämlich die eckigen Klammern, um die Seiten untereinander zu verlinken). Aber, wie baut man Bilder, Töne und Videos ein? Um diese Fragen zu beantworten, haben wir die Datei "LIES MICH.html" in den Download-Ordner gelegt. Sie enthält eine kleine Hilfe, die zeigt, wie man mit CSS, HTML, Variablen und JavaScript arbeitet. So können sehr komplexe Geschichten geschrieben werden. Dadurch wäre "Twine" sogar geeignet, die Grundprinzipien des Programmierens zu erklären.

Wenn Sie mit Ihren Schüler:innen selber Geschichten mit "Twine" entwickeln wollen, nutzen Sie die Datei "LIES MICH.html" als Ausgangspunkt und ändern Sie die vorhandenen Seiten passend zu Ihrer Story.

Unterrichtsideen mit Twine

Der Einsatz von "Twine" kann grundsätzlich auf zwei Arten erfolgen: Sie erstellen eine Geschichte und lassen diese dann Ihre Schüler:innen oder Teilnehmer:innen spielen. Der andere Weg wäre, einen zeitlichen und organisatorischen Rahmen zu schaffen, in dem Ihre Schüler:innen oder Teilnehmer:innen selber mit "Twine" ein Game entwerfen.

Inhaltlich eignet sich "Twine" besoners gut für sogenannte Dilemma-Geschichten, also Situationen, in denen es darum geht, eine (moralische) Entscheidung zu treffen:
https://www.zum.de/Faecher/kR/BW/wagner/dilemma1.htm
https://material.rpi-virtuell.de/material/dilemmageschichten

Aber natürlich gibt es viele andere Themen, bei denen sich der Einsatz von "Twine" lohnen kann:

Quiz (Verschwörungstheorien oder jedes andere Sachthema)

Interaktive Gedichte (Heinrich Heine: Das Fräulein stand am Meere)

Brief an eine literarische Figur schreiben (+ Antworten Empfänger:in)

Märchenwelten mischen sich (Rotkäppchen trifft auf Rapunzel trifft auf Dornröschen ...)

Romanwelten mischen sich (einer Zeitepoche, eines Themas, ein:e Autor:in)

Stadtreise (Schulausflug - fremdsprachig)

Geschichtssynopsis (Mittelalter in Europa, Amerika, Afrika, Asien)

Kunstsynopsis (wer schrieb und komponierte was, während die Impressionist:innen malten?)

NaWi-Versuche (Vorbereitung - Durchführung - Ergebnisse - Spezial: Verknüpfung zu anderen Themen)

Urheber- und Nutzungsrechte:

Sämtliches auf dieser Seite zur Verfügung gestelltes Material unterliegt dem Urheber- und Nutzungsrecht des multimediamobils - Region Süd. Es darf im Rahmen von Bildungsarbeit (Schule und schulische Einrichtungen, Studienseminare, Jugendarbeit, Erwachsenbildung, Hochschulen) in Teilen oder zur Gänze kostenfrei verwendet werden. In jedem Fall ist dann der Vermerk "© Norbert Thien, multimediamobil - Region Süd" anzubringen.

Die Weitergabe des Materials ist unter den gleichen Bedingungen erlaubt.

Sofern die Rechte Dritter betroffen sind, müssen diese berücksichtigt werden.

Copyright (C) 2020 Norbert Thien, multimediamobil - Region Süd, Lizenz: Creative Commons BY-SA 4.0

Ihr Ansprechpartner
thien(at)multimediamobile.de

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Computerspiele - Twine - multimediamobile - Das Multimedia-Fortbildungsportal für Lehrer und Pädagogen in Niedersachsen

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"Twine" ist eine kostenfreie Software, die sich hervorragend eignet, um selber interaktive Geschichten und einfache Computerspiele zu produzieren. Nachfolgend finden Sie einige Materialien, die wir in unseren Fortbildung zum Thema "Twine" verwenden: Twine - Materialien zum Download Laden Sie sich unser Material-Paket zu "Twine" herunter: Starten Sie nach dem Download die Datei "Entscheide Dich 001.html" um einen ersten Eindruck von den Möglichkeiten in "Twine" zu erhalten.

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▶ Ich kann mich gar nicht mit einem Server verbinden oder es dauert sehr lange:

Manchmal dauert es leider einfach sehr lange, bevor die Verbindung aufgebaut wird, weil der Server gerade ausgelastet ist. Haben Sie ein wenig Geduld.

Geht immer noch nicht, Sie bekommen eine Fehlermeldung? Dann überprüfen Sie, ob Ihr Computer überhaupt mit dem Internet verbunden ist. Haben Sie beim Anmelden die richtige IP-Adresse und den richtigen Port eingetragen (siehe oben)? Beim Kopieren passiert es oft, dass man eine Zahl nicht markiert hat oder aus Versehen ein Leerzeichen zuviel oder ein unsichtbares Steuerzeichen erwischt. Löschen Sie alle Eingaben und tippen Sie die Zahlen von Hand ein.

Haben Sie vielleicht bei Ihrem Spieler:innennamen oder Passwort Umlaute (ä, ö, ü), Sonderzeichen (ß, Komma, Punkt etc.) oder Leerzeichen verwendet? Haben Sie die richtige Minetest-Version für das passende Betriebssystem heruntergeladen? "Minetest" benötigt Schreibrechte. Also bitte nicht in den Ordner "Programme" installieren. Nehmen Sie als Speicherort Desktop.

Meldet sich Ihre "Firewall"? Im Rahmen unserer Fortbildungen können Sie bedenkenlos auf "Zugriff zulassen" klicken. Ihre "Firewall" blockiert noch immer? Versuchen Sie die "Firewall" temporär auszuschalten (nach Spielende unbedingt wieder einschalten).

Übrigens: Unsere Server laufen nur an den Fortbildungstagen zu den festgesetzten Zeiten. Wenn Sie versuchen, sich zu anderen Gelegenheiten einzuloggen, erhalten Sie auf jeden Fall eine Fehlermeldung.

▶ Welchen Spieler:innennamen soll ich bei der Anmeldung auf einem Server verwenden:

Sie können Ihren Spieler:innennamen frei wählen. Für unsere Online-Fortbildungen und -Projekte gilt: Weil wir Sie nicht wirklich sehen können, fällt es uns bei echten Namen leichter, gezielt auf Ihre Fragen einzugehen. Wenn Sie zu zweit vor dem Rechner sitzen, nehmen Sie bitte beide Nachnamen (Beispiel: MuellerSchmidt).

Ansonsten gilt immer: Geben Sie im Internet möglichst wenig persönliche Daten von sich preis.

▶ Ich bekomme eine Fehlermeldung, dass es eine:n Spieler:in namens "XY" schon gibt:

Dann gibt es auf dem Server bereits eine Person, die die gleiche Idee für einen Spieler:innennamen hatte wie Sie. Denken Sie sich einen neuen Namen aus.

▶ Ich weiß meinen Spieler:innennamen oder mein Passwort nicht mehr:

Denken Sie sich einen neuen Spieler:innennamen und Passwort aus (am besten gleich aufschreiben). Dann kann es allerdings passieren, dass Sie manche geschützte Objekte an Ihrem Gebäude nicht mehr bearbeiten können (Stahltüren etc.) und zuvor vergebene Rechte verlieren.

▶ Minetest reagiert verzögert und das Spiel ruckelt:

Wahrscheinlich sind der Server und die Datenleitung gerade sehr ausgelastet. Leider können wir daran auch nichts ändern. Sie müssen einfach etwas Geduld haben.

▶ Wie steuere ich meine Figur in "Minetest":

Falls Sie schon "Minecraft" gespielt hast, sollten Ihnen die meisten Dinge vertraut sein. Es gibt aber auch ein paar Unterschiede. Schauen Sie sich bitte unser Skript an: Minetest-Steuerung. Für unsere Fortbildungen und Projekte gilt: Wir erklären und probieren zu Anfang mit Ihnen gemeinsam alle wichtigen Schritte.

▶ Ich kann nichts (ab)bauen, mich nicht bewegen, nicht fliegen:

Wenn Sie auf einen (fremden) Server kommen, fehlen Ihnen möglicherweise noch Rechte (interact, fly). Sie müssten dann die Administrator:innen bitten, Ihnen die entsprechenden Rechte zu geben. Bei Fehlverhalten können Ihnen diese natürlich auch wieder entzogen werden.

Ansonsten gilt beim Bauen: Sie müssen dicht genug vor einem Objekt stehen. Das weiße Kreuz ist Ihr Mauszeiger, die schwarze Umrandung zeigt, dass das Objekt in Reichweite liegt. Manche Objekte sind "härter" als andere, man benötigt also länger zum Abbauen. Oder Sie wechseln das Werkzeug (im Inventar nach "pick" oder "shovel" suchen). Schauen Sie sich auch unser Video an.

▶ Ich sehe ein Fenster mit der Meldung "Ein Fehler ist aufgetreten" oder ähnliches:

Das passiert leider manchmal. Dann gibt es vielleicht gerade Probleme mit dem Server. Klicken Sie auf OK und versuchen Sie sich erneut anzumelden. Können Sie das Problem nicht lösen, wenden Sie sich an die Administrator:innen des Servers.

▶ Windows-Fehlermeldung: "Sie benötigen eine neue App zum Öffnen von ...":

Klicken Sie auf eine freie Fläche der Minetest-Anwendung, die im Hintergrund läuft. Oder verwenden Sie die ESC-Taste. Sollte nichts davon funktionieren, versuchen Sie im Task-Manager die Anwendung "OpenWith" ("Öffnen mit") zu beenden.

▶ Ich sehe links oben immer eine Meldung in roter Schrift "Datum Uhrzeit ERROR[Main]" o. ä.:

Solange Ihr Spiel trotzdem läuft, können Sie diese Meldung im Grunde genommen ignorieren. Der Server weist damit nur darauf hin, dass es möglicherweise Probleme mit einem Mod gibt (oft geht es um Texturbilder, die nicht gefunden werden).

Beginnt die Fehlermeldung mit " Datum Uhrzeit ERROR[Main] generate_shader(): ...", kann wahrscheinlich Ihre Grafikkarte bestimmte Effekte nicht darstellen. Schauen Sie, ob Sie beim Rechtsklick auf die Minetest-Startdatei einen Eintrag wie "Mit Grafikprozessor ausführen" finden, um die verwendete Grafikkarte zu wechseln. Alternativ können Sie im Hauptmenü des Spiels unter "Einstellungen" die Funktion "Shader" deaktivieren; damit lösen Sie zwar nicht das Problem, aber es wird keine Fehlermeldung mehr angezeigt.

▶ Kann ich "Minetest" auch auf einem Smartphone oder Tablet spielen:

Ja, aber nur, wenn Sie ein Gerät mit dem sogenannten Android-Betriebssystem besitzen. Mit dem iOS-Betriebssystem für Phone oder iPad geht es leider nicht.

Da die Installation und Steuerung von "Minetest" auf einem Smartphone oder Tablet viel komplizierter ist, empfehlen wir dringend, mit einem Computer oder Laptop zu arbeiten. Wenn Sie es aber trotzdem auf einem Tablet versuchen möchten, schauen Sie sich diese Seite an: Minetest auf Mobilgeräten.

▶ Kann ich "Minetest" auch auf einem MacBook etc. spielen:

Ja, "Minetest" funktioniert auch auf dem MacOS-Betriebssystem (aber nicht auf iOS für iPhone oder iPad).

Aktualisieren Sie zunächst Ihr MacOS-Betriebssystem und laden Sie dann "Minetest" herunter (als zip-Datei). Entpacken Sie die Datei per Doppelklick und ziehen Sie den Ordner im "Finder" in die "Anwendungen". Starten Sie "Minetest" mit einem Rechtsklick (= gedrückte CTRL-Taste + Linksklick). Bestätigen Sie den Warnhinweis mit "Öffnen"; dadurch wird "Minetest" automatisch als sichere App hinzugefügt. Falls Sie sich mit " Homebrew" auskennen, können Sie alternativ auch selber eine passende Version für Ihren Rechner aus dem Quellcode kompilieren.

Verwenden Sie zum Spielen am besten eine Maus mit linker und rechter Maustaste. Ansonsten können Sie den Rechtsklick mit gedrückter CONTROL (CTRL)-Taste simulieren. Oder nehmen Sie auf dem Touchpad zwei Finger gleichzeitig. Bei Bedarf ändern Sie in den Einstellungen Ihres Rechners die Belegung des Touchpads.

▶ Muss ich den Spielstand speichern:

Nein, alle Daten liegen auf dem Server. Wenn Sie sich beim nächsten Mal wieder einloggen, finden Sie alles so vor, wie Sie es verlassen hast.

▶ Wenn ich bei mir eine neue Welt anlege, fehlen im Inventar Gegenstände und Werkzeuge:

"Minetest" lässt sich mit kleinen Zusatzprogrammen erweitern. Man nennt sie auch "Mods" (eine Liste finden Sie hier). Wir haben unseren Server mit solchen "Mods" erweitert. Wenn Sie gerne lokal mit unserer üblichen Konfiguration spielen möchten, laden Sie unser Minetest-Paket herunter.

▶ Ich benötige bestimmte Rechte, Gegenstände oder Werkzeuge:

Wenn Sie eine eigene Welt erstellt haben und im Singleplayer-Modus spielen, rufen Sie auf der Tastatur mit T den Spielchat auf und schreiben Sie /grantme all. Dann haben Sie Vollzugriff auf alle Befehle.

Auf einem Server bestimmen die Administrator:innen, welche Rechte und Werkzeuge Sie besitzen. Es gilt als schlechter Stil, nach zusätzlichen Rechten, Gegenständen oder Werkzeugen zu fragen.

▶ Kann ich das Aussehen (Skin) meiner Spielfigur ändern:

Ja, auf unseren Servern ist das immer möglich. Sieh sehen Sie sich das zweite Video an. Gegen Ende zeigen wir, wie man sich neu einkleiden kann. Auf fremden Servern kann das Vorgehen abweichen.

▶ In Ihren Videos wird etwas aber ganz anders erklärt als es im Spiel funktioniert:

Manchmal ändern wir kurzfristig bestimmte Einstellungen im Spiel, fügen Mods hinzu und lassen andere dafür weg. Nicht immer haben wir die Zeit, unsere Videos anzupassen. Tut uns leid, wenn Sie das durcheinander bringt. Wir hoffen, Sie finden sich trotzdem zurecht.

▶ Was bedeutet "Serverregeln":

Als "Serverregeln" bezeichnen wir Regeln, die wir aufgestellt haben, damit wir alle ohne Ärger in unserer Minetest-Welt miteinander auskommen. Sie lauten:

Sie dürfen niemanden beleidigen oder beschimpfen. Unterstützen Sie Mitspieler:innen, falls sie ein Problem nicht lösen können. Sie dürfen keine Mitspieler:innen "schlagen" (PvP), keine Schwerter o.ä verwenden. Zerstören Sie nichts, was Sie nicht selber gebaut haben. Bauen Sie nichts auf oder in der Nähe von fremden Grundstücken (außer, Mitspieler:innen haben Sie ausdrücklich eingeladen). Gehen Sie nicht in fremde Häuser (außer, Sie wurden eingeladen). Verwenden Sie kein Lava, ohne vorher einen Graben angelegt zu haben (sonst brennt die ganze Welt nieder). Verwenden Sie kein Wasser, ohne vorher einen Graben angelegt zu haben (sonst wird die ganze Welt überflutet). Verwenden Sie kein Feuer (sonst brennt die ganze Welt nieder). Sie dürfen keine "mobs" (Tiere, Monster o.ä.) oder "eggs" (Eier) und ähnliches verwenden. Sie dürfen nur Materialien verwenden und Gebäude entwerfen, die zu unserem Projektthema passen.

Sie müssen sich an die Regeln halten, sonst werden Sie vom Server verbannt. Auf fremden Servern können andere Regeln gelten

▶ Kann ich bedenkenlos einem öffentlichen Server aus der Serverliste beitreten:

Wenn Sie auf "Spiel beitreten" klicken, erscheint eine lange Liste an Servern, die öffentlich zugänglich sind. Diese Server werden nicht von uns betrieben. Wir können Ihnen also nicht sagen, wer dort spielt oder welche Spielidee der Server verfolgt. Wenn Sie einen Server aus der Liste auswählen, tun Sie das auf eigene Gefahr.

▶ Warum nehmen Sie "Minetest" und nicht "Minecraft":

Um bei Fortbildungen oder Projekten wie den unsrigen "Minecraft" einsetzen zu dürfen, müssten wir entsprechend viele Lizenzen kaufen. "Minetest" ist kostenfrei. Als sogenannte Open-Source-Anwendung ist es für uns außerdem leichter, "Minetest" passend zu jeder neuen Anforderung abzuwandeln.

▶ Kann ich eine Server-Welt auch offline nutzen:

Grundsätzlich ist das möglich, aber nur wenige Serverbetreiber:innen werden diesem Wunsch entsprechen. Für unsere Fortbildungen und Projekte gilt: Wir stellen Ihnen gerne die fertigen Welten als Download zur Verfügung. Sie können sie dann als Einzelspieler:in (singleplayer) starten, sehen also nicht mehr die anderen Mitspieler:innen vom Server.

▶ Ich habe immer noch eine Frage und möchte Kontakt mit Ihnen aufnehmen:

Schreiben Sie uns eine E-Mail. Wir versuchen möglichst schnell zu antworten, aber manchmal kann es etwas dauern, wenn wir viele Fragen gleichzeitig bekommen oder gerade irgendwo Fortbildungen geben.

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Fortbildung: Minetest als Spiel- und Lernumgebung

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▶ Ich kann mich gar nicht mit einem Server verbinden oder es dauert sehr lange: Manchmal dauert es leider einfach sehr lange, bevor die Verbindung aufgebaut wird, weil der Server gerade ausgelastet ist. Haben Sie ein wenig Geduld. Geht immer noch nicht, Sie bekommen eine Fehlermeldung?

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Die Ziele

Die multimediamobile sind eine Einrichtung der Niedersächsischen Landesmedienanstalt (NLM). Die sechs mobilen Medienkompetenzzentren dienen der Qualifizierung von Lehrkräften, Pädagogen/-innen und Multiplikatoren/-innen aus dem Bildungsbereich.

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Start - multimediamobile - Das Multimedia-Fortbildungsportal für Lehrer und Pädagogen in Niedersachsen

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Die multimediamobile sind eine Einrichtung der Niedersächsischen Landesmedienanstalt (NLM). Die sechs mobilen Medienkompetenzzentren dienen der Qualifizierung von Lehrkräften, Pädagogen/-innen und Multiplikatoren/-innen aus dem Bildungsbereich.

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IdeasForGames is a great set of cards for brainstorming game ideas. It was developed by Beat Suter and Anja Fritsch from GameLab ZHdK. It is meant to be a creative tool for Indie Game developers. The set of 108 cards comes with four essential categories and instructions. The cards focus on the core of games, the gameplay mechanics. Playing with it is simple and fast for unfolding your ideas. Use it in small groups of two to four people. You can brainstorm ideas and then develop your game ideas into working concepts. There are different ways to do it. Maybe you find your own. The deck contains 108 cards that represent a foundation for creating game ideas. To make your own game, IdeasForGames is the tool for you to start with. You can get a set for EUR 19.90 or CHF 19.90 plus postage from gamelab.zurich@zhdk.ch

More information: http://www.ideasforgames.org/​
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ideasforgamescards?
Buy via Amazon: http://www.amazon.de/IdeasForGames
Watch our How to Video: https://youtu.be/p67JTN6matI
Buy from us: http://www.ideasforgames.org/​

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IdeasForGames is a great set of cards for brainstorming game ideas. It was developed by Beat Suter and Anja Fritsch from GameLab ZHdK. It is meant to be a creative tool for Indie Game developers. The set of 108 cards comes with four essential categories and instructions.

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Develop your programming skills by quickly creating and modding retro arcade games with Blocks and JavaScript in the MakeCode editor

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Submitted by H5P Group on Mon, 02/25/2019 - 10:37

Would you like to create content like this on your own?

Get started

Register on H5P.com to start creating H5P Interactive content. Your content can be accessed via direct link, embeded, or inserted into any learning management system that supports LTI integration.

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H5P empowers everyone to create, share and reuse interactive content - all you need is a web browser and a web site that supports H5P.

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Marzipano - a 360° viewer for the modern web

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A lightweight and high-performance 360° media viewer. Supports all major desktop browsers and mobile devices. Embraces standard web technologies and provides a powerful Javascript API.

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PLAY is the first and only festival worldwide to unite media art, discourse and education with the culture of digital games. Since 2007, it focuses on the creative utilization of digital games: invent, build, tinker, modify, program, dance, discuss – anything goes!

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Beispielkollektion mit einer "Best of Dreams"-Auswahl: 

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Beispielkollektion mit einer "Best of Dreams"-Auswahl: 

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Contents Collection info Reviews Comments Genealogy Credits Social

1. Tectonic

2. LOCK

3. Press X To Puzzle

4. The Snowball

5. Trip's Voyage

6. Duet

7. NOGUCHI'S BELL episode 1

8. The 3rd Annual Impy Awards: Dreamer Collabs

9. Binary Bash

10. RElax unWIND

11. DreamsCom '21

12. ASCENT REMASTERED

13. The Idyllium

14. liminal mystery box

15. Sloth on Ice

16. The War to End All Wars

17. DreamsFest 2021

18. Commonote

19. AstroThumb Stories

20. Triangle Is Sentient - Chapter 1

21. Caféwave (Animated Painting)

22. go.

23. WATER: a somewhat accurate molecular simulation

24. Lystre

25. Castle Dreams

26. Let me Dream

27. RID - Echoes of a Lost Bond

28. Jungle Bill 2

29. Rose

30. Fusion explained

31. CITADEL - ACT ONE

32. Pig Detective and the Beast of Boffington - Teaser Demo

34. Mesozoic Exhibit

35. Imp Space Program

36. Lullaby for a Beagle

37. Moon Engine 🌕

38. This is not a lamp.

39. The Bug Ronin - Search for the Light Within

40. Petra Al-Khazneh

41. A Maze CoMmunity flamingo party

42. The Fire Temple

43. Girl with a Pearl Earring

44. Male Head Sculpt

45. Flamingo

46. Ruffy

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Wirklichkeiten gestalten: Gamechanger - Beispiele is a creation made in Dreams.

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Im Gespräch mit deutschen Dreams-Creators (VoD): 

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Im Gespräch mit deutschen Dreams-Creators (VoD): 

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Livestream "...und plötzlich designe ich Games?!"

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Dreams zum Erstellen von Filmen & Animationen (VoD):

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Dreams zum Erstellen von Filmen & Animationen (VoD):

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Willst du deinen Schülerinnen und Schülern Grundlagen der Programmierung vermitteln?
Auf unserer App Camps Plattform bekommst du kostenloses Unterrichtsmaterial für Scratch. Mit der grafischen Programmiersprache Scratch lernen Kinder und Jugendliche Grundlagen der Programmierung und Informatik. Unsere Materialien kannst du direkt im Unterricht einsetzen.

Mithilfe der Schritt-für-Schritt Anleitungen entwickeln deine SchülerInnen verschiedene Anwendungen: Von interaktiven Grußkarten über Spiele bis hin zu einer eigenen Traumreise. Dabei erwerben sie wichtige Kompetenzen im Umgang mit dem Computer und ein Grundverständnis, wie Computerprogramme funktionieren und entstehen. Die Unterrichtsmaterialien sind so erstellt, dass die SchülerInnen schnell ihre eigenen Ideen umsetzen können.

Unsere Unterlagen im Überblick:

1. Einstieg in Scratch (+ Material in einfacher Sprache)

2. Spielend nachhaltig mit Scratch

3. Bewegung in Scratch

4. Traumreise in Scratch

5. Anwendungen aus dem Kurs „Grundlagen Informatik II"

6. Specials für Scratch

Warum finden wir Scratch toll?

Scratch ist eine grafische Programmiersprache. Damit haben Kinder und Jugendliche sehr schnell Lernerfolge. Für den Einstieg in das Thema Programmierung ist das sehr wichtig.

Programmieren lernen verbessert das logische Denken. Wenn junge Menschen ein eigenes kleines digitales Projekt entwickeln, müssen sie viele Probleme lösen.

Die SchülerInnen arbeiten an ihren Projekten in kleinen Teams. Das fördert die Projektkompetenz. Mehr Infos über die Programmiersprache Scratch gibt es in unserem Blog.

Warum finden Lehrkräfte unsere Scratch Unterlagen toll?

„Das mit Scratch und den Lernkarten ist echt super, nutzen wir in jedem Kurs für die 6. Jahrgangsstufe!"

„Scratch ist für die meisten SchülerInnen ein toller Einstieg in das Programmieren und dazu eignen sich die Lernkarten hervorragend!"

„Die Arbeit mit Scratch ist sehr gut angekommen (5. Klasse). Die SchülerInnen waren begeistert!"

Die kostenlosen Unterlagen zu Scratch findest du auf unserer Online-Plattform im Bereich „Scratch".
Empfohlen ab Klassenstufe 4.

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Kostenloses Unterrichtsmaterial zu Scratch für Lehrkräfte und Schulen. Kinder und Jugendliche lernen spielerisch programmieren.

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Scratch is a free programming language and online community where you can create your own interactive stories, games, and animations.

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this is bitsy with 3d editor  ✨🎁✨

it's still beta and misses some of the features and has some bugs but overall is pretty usable

Development log

improving camera controls
Nov 27, 2020

a little fix for broken dialog
Oct 29, 2020

navigation widget
Sep 25, 2020

adjustable drawing size
Sep 03, 2020

integrated bitsy v7.2, added new icons to match the style, minor fixes
Aug 09, 2020

transparent background & translucency combo reliability
Aug 03, 2020

orthographic camera, translucent materials, fixes
Jul 26, 2020

proper support and customization options for different aspect ratios
Jul 14, 2020

View all posts

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thank you so much<3 glad you found it of some use! not sure about making it compatible with mobile, very unlikely i would say.

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itch.io is a simple way to find, download and distribute indie games online. Whether you’re a developer looking to upload your game or just someone looking for something new to play itch.io has you covered.

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Mit dem Format Game Days widmet sich die LAG Jugend & Film Niedersachsen in vielseitiger, kreativer und innovativer Weise dem Medium der digitalen Spiele: Die Game Days sind ein Ort, an dem Games gemeinsam gespielt, aber eben auch gemeinsam verändert, (um)gestaltet und gemacht werden können:

Digitale Games sind heute: ein wichtiges und spannendes Medium für Kinder, Jugendliche und auch immer mehr Erwachsene. Ein Kulturgut. Eine Bühne, auf der sich alle möglichen kreativen Dinge ausprobieren lassen. Ein Werkzeug, um Geschichten zu erzählen. Und ein Anlass, über Spiele kritisch nachzudenken.

All das ist Grund genug, sich mit Games zu beschäftigen, und genau das geschieht bei unseren Game Days: In medienpraktischen Workshops für Kinder, Jugendliche und Erwachsene. In medienpädagogischen Fortbildungen für Fachkräfte der Jugend(Medien)Arbeit. Und bei Kulturveranstaltungen mit und rund um digitale Games für alle Zielgruppen.

Im Rahmen der Game Days kooperieren wir mit verschiedenen Partnern aus den Bereichen Medienpädagogik, Kultur, Bildung, Wissenschaft und Soziokultur, darunter die Initiative Creative Gaming, das Entwicklerstudio waza!, der Verein Blickwechsel, das Forum Osnabrück für Kultur und Soziales (FOKUS) e.V. und Andere.

JETZT AKTUELL: Die Game Days Göttingen 2022 -- 01. und 02. Juli 2022

Anfang Juli ist Doctor Game auf Visite in Göttingen: Bei den " Game Days Göttingen" bieten wieder eine vielseitige Mischung aus Fortbildungen, Workshops und Kulturveranstaltungen rund ums Thema Gaming. Vor Ort im Kulturzentrum musa. Hier geht es zum Programm.

Game Days Osnabrück 2021 02. bis 09. September 2021

Als Hybrid-Festival, sowohl mit Präsenzveranstaltungen vor Ort als auch mit Online-Programmpunkten, fanden die "Game Days Osnabrück 2021" vom 02. bis zum 09. September 2021 statt. Unter dem Titel "Doctor Game" ging es um die Wirkungen und kreativen Potenziale von Games: Von Bewegungsspielen bis Serious Games, von Game-Design bis zu Theater und Musik. Mit einem vielseitigen Programm zum Entdecken, Kreativ werden und zum Mitspielen!
Mehr Informationen zu den "Game Days Osnabrück 2021" finden sich

Game Days Digital 05. bis 09. Oktober 2020

Das Coronavirus erwies sich 2020 als hartnäckiger „Endgegner" und verhinderte zahlreiche Veranstaltungen und Begegnungen - aber zumindest mit digitalen Spielen kann man sich ja auch im digitalen Raum beschäftigen -- z.B. bei den "Game Days Digital".
Mehr Informationen zu den "Game Days Digital" finden sich hier.

Game Day Göttingen 2019 23. November 2019
Mehr Informationen zum Game Day Göttingen finden sich hier.
Nach den erfolgreichen Game Days in Osnabrück machte sich das Format auch auf den Weg nach Göttingen: Am 23.11.2019 bot ein erster "Game Day Göttingen" im Kulturzentrum Musa eine vielseitige Mischung aus Medienpädagogik, Medienpraxis und Kultur: mit verschiedenen Workshop- und Kreativangeboten zum Entdecken des Konzepts Game Days.
Mehr Informationen zu den Game Days Osnabrück finden sich hier.
Game Days Osnabrück 2019 16. bis 18. August 2019

Bei den ersten Game Days Osnabrück ging es ein ganzes Wochenende lang um digitale Games: Im Haus der Jugend und in der Stadtbibliothek Osnabrück warteten zahlreiche Workshops, Fortbildungen und Kulturveranstaltungen für alle Zielgruppen. Gefördert wurde die Veranstaltung von der Felicitias und Werner Egerland-Sitftung, der Stadt Osnabrück und der Stiftung Gaming Aid.

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Mit dem Format Game Days widmet sich die LAG Jugend & Film Niedersachsen in vielseitiger, kreativer und innovativer Weise dem Medium der digitalen Spiele: Die Game Days sind ein Ort, an dem Games gemeinsam gespielt, aber eben auch gemeinsam verändert, (um)gestaltet und gemacht werden können: Digitale Games sind heute: ein wichtiges und spannendes Medium für Kinder, Jugendliche und auch immer mehr Erwachsene.

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Insgesamt 16 Kinder und Jugendliche im Alter von 10 bis 14 Jahren waren in der vergangenen Woche eingeladen, beim Workshop "Games-Manufaktur" im Museum Schloss Fürstenberg selbst zu Game-Designer*innen zu werden. Dazu gehörte nicht nur, sich Ideen für eigene Spielkonzepte auszudenken, sondern auch, diese dann gemeinsam im Team mit den anderen Teilnehmer*innen selbst umzusetzen!

Mit verschiedenen, meist frei verfügbaren, Game-Design-Werkzeugen wurde also vier Tage lang an eigenen Kreationen gefeilt: Die Textadventure Software Twine und der Logikbaukasten Scratch standen dabei hoch im Kurs, parallel entstanden auch digitale 360-Grad-Escape Rooms, die die Museumsräumlichkeiten in die virtuelle Welt überführten, oder verfremdete Minetest-Klötzcheninterpretationen des Schlosses.

Unterstützt wurden die Teilnehmer*innen durch Sarah Weber und Thomas Kirchberg von der LAG Jugend & Film sowie durch das Team des Museums Schloss Fürstenberg. Und die entstandenen Werke wurden Eltern, Geschwistern und anderen Interessierten im Rahmen einer Präsentation am vergangenen Samstag öffentlich vorgestellt und durften ausgiebig getestet werden. Außerdem können die Teilnehmer*innen auch zuhause an ihren Games weiterentwickeln -- oder sogar schon die nächsten Projekte starten!

Der Workshop wurde zu 100% durch das Bundesministerium für Bildung und Forschung finanziert.

Wir danken Isabel Pagalies und dem Team des Museums Schloss Fürstenberg sehr herzlich für die Einladung und die gute Zusammenarbeit! Und wir danken natürlich unseren Teilnehmer*innen für die vielen kreativen Ideen! Hat Spaß gemacht!

Die Workshopergebnisse:

Im Folgenden können die beim Workshop entstandenen Projekte selbst ausprobiert werden!

360-Grad-Rätselräume:

Mit einer 360-Grad-Kamera und der Software, die normalerweise zum Erstellen digitaler Rundgänge verwendet wird, lassen sich sehr gut eigene digitale Escape Rooms und Rätselräume gestalten. Zwei solche Räume sind auch bei unserem Workshop im Museum Schloss Fürstenberg entstanden. Durch Klick auf die Vorschaubilder unten können beide gespielt werden.

Scratch:

ist ein frei verfügbarer Logikbaukasten, mit dem sich eigene Spielideen aus Logikblöcken zusammensetzen lassen. Sehr gut lassen sich dabei auch Grundlagen des Programmierens erlernen! Bei unserem Workshop entstanden mehrere Geschicklichkeits- und Abenteuerspiele mit Scratch. Per Klick auf die einzelnen Vorschaubilder unten geht es direkt zu den einzelnen Spielen.

Twine:

Mit lassen sich in Windeseile interaktive Geschichten erstellen: Textbasierte Geschichten entstehen im Nu, mit etwas Arbeit sind auch Bilder, Ton und komplexe Handlungsabläufe möglich. Ein Beispiel für ein solches Twine-Spiel bildet das Spiel "The Castle" aus unserem Workshop: Per Klick auf das Vorschaubild kann das Spiel direkt gespielt werden.

Crossover-Projekte

In einem Fall haben Teilnehmer*innen des Workshops sogar ein Projekt erstellt, dass mehrere Plattformen umfasst: "Die heilige Porzellanvase" dient dabei quasi als Vorläufer/Game-Design-Dokument für das Scratch-Spiel "Die Museumstour". Auch hier sind per Klick auf die Vorschaubilder beide Spiele erreichbar.

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Insgesamt 16 Kinder und Jugendliche im Alter von 10 bis 14 Jahren waren in der vergangenen Woche eingeladen, beim Workshop "Games-Manufaktur" im Museum Schloss Fürstenberg selbst zu Game-Designer*innen zu werden. Dazu gehörte nicht nur, sich Ideen für eigene Spielkonzepte auszudenken, sondern auch, diese dann gemeinsam im Team mit den anderen Teilnehmer*innen selbst umzusetzen!

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Freue dich auf eine digitale Schnitzeljagd!

Unser Krimispiel besteht aus mehreren Leveln, in denen du ermitteln musst.

Am Ende jedes Levels steht immer eine Frage. Gib die richtige Antwort ein, um in das nächste Level zu gelangen!

Hier kommt unsere erste Frage:

Schau dir das Anleitungsvideo genau an: Welche zwei Wörter stehen auf dem letzten Bild des Videos unten links?

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Freue dich auf eine digitale Schnitzeljagd! Unser Krimispiel besteht aus mehreren Leveln, in denen du ermitteln musst. Am Ende jedes Levels steht immer eine Frage. Gib die richtige Antwort ein, um in das nächste Level zu gelangen! Schau dir das Anleitungsvideo genau an: Welche zwei Wörter stehen auf dem letzten Bild des Videos unten links?

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Willkommen auf ONCOO. Hier finden Sie eine Sammlung von Werkzeugen (Tools) zum kooperativen Lernen, die mit PC, Laptop, Smartboard, Smartphone und Tablet genutzt werden können.

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Lapentor - Free 360° Virtual Tour Software

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In this article, we'll explore how to create free virtual tours on iPhone using the built-in Panorama feature. Virtual tours have become a popular tool across many industries, including real estate, tourism, and education. They provide a unique and immersive experience for viewers and allow...

Virtual tours have revolutionized the way we experience various locations, from museums and landmarks to businesses and real estate properties. These immersive experiences allow users to explore and interact with virtual environments as if they were physically present. One way to enhance virtual...

There are several reasons why exporting virtual tours using Lapentor's export feature can be highly useful for businesses. One of the most compelling benefits is the ability to back up your virtual tours or use them offline (with the help of some local web server). This feature is...

Apple has officially introduced its new virtual reality (VR) eyewear at the WWDC 2023 event. The product is called Apple Vision Pro and is designed to provide users with a premium and versatile virtual reality experience. "With Vision Pro, you are no longer limited by the screen," said...

Virtual tours have become increasingly popular in recent years, providing an immersive experience for viewers to explore space without physically being there. They are especially useful for real estate, hospitality, and tourism industries, but can also be used for personal projects and creative...

Learn how to add Virtual Tour on WordPress website in a few easy steps. Elevate property value and get numerous benefits as we provide step-by-step instructions on embedding a virtual tour with ease. WordPress is a widely popular and powerful content management system (CMS) that empowers...

Learning how to embed a virtual tour on your website. Embedding Virtual Tour offers a wide range of benefits, from improved user experience and engagement to increased conversions and competitive advantage. It allows you to showcase your space or products effectively, providing a unique and...

Virtual tours are really taking off these days and it's no surprise why - they provide a totally immersive experience for viewers! Let's take a look at the top 3 use cases for virtual tours in the real world. Top 1 use cases for virtual tours: Real Estate Real estate is one of the...

Your panorama photo appears upside down or rotated when you uploaded it to Lapentor but it's normal when viewing it on your computer or mobile device. This is a common issue that can happen due to a variety of reasons, such as using the wrong camera orientation or transferring the image...

Are you a real estate agent looking for a new way to showcase your properties? Then creating a virtual tour for real estate may be the perfect solution! Virtual tours offer potential buyers an easy and engaging way to view a home from the comfort and safety of their own space. In this blog post,...

For 360-degree photographers, Virtual Tour Software is an indispensable tool to publish a complete Virtual Tour with the full support of interface, features & hotspots. Apart from the Offline Virtual Tour Software, there is a new trend of new Cloud-based solutions, catching up with the trend...

The real estate market nowadays requires playing hard to get more than ever. Theta S is an awesome 360 real estate virtual tour gadget to capture your client's attention. The number of sellers and brokers always outweighs the number of buyers. So, standing out from the crowd plays a key role in...

In the digital age, more and more real estate agents are utilizing virtual tours to help them market their properties. But what exactly is a virtual tour and why should you start using them now? In this article, we will discuss the many reasons of using virtual tours can help you sell more homes,...

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The most simple and intuitive virtual tour platform supports Self-Hosting on your website. Easily create a Virtual Tour in minutes

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Serious Games Information Center (deutsch)

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Serious Games Information Center (deutsch)

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Collections

Neu eingetragene Serious Games im SG-IC

Die Annäherung an das Thema Sexualität und Geschlecht im frühen Jugendalter kann beängstigend, überwältigend und oft beschämend sein. Als Gegenmaßnahme zapft Sibel's Journey das Potenzial von Handyspielen als bewährte Methode zum Selbstlernen an. Die Spieler erforschen die Inhalte interaktiv, ohne einen Erwachsenen fragen zu müssen. Je mehr sich die Spieler mit dem Spiel beschäftigen, desto größer sind ihre Motivation und ihre Fähigkeit, sich den Lernstoff zu merken. Das Spiel folgt der 13-jährigen Sibel, die während eines aufregenden Wochenendes in Berlin interessante Menschen kennenlernt. Sie lernt deren unterschiedliche Lebens- und Liebesweisen kennen und kommt schließlich dem Geheimnis ihrer besten Freundin Sarah auf die Spur. Mit einem intersektionellen Ansatz vermittelt Sibel's Journey jungen Menschen fundiertes Wissen und eine positive Einstellung zu Themen wie Anatomie, Körperbild, Kommunikation, Verhütung, Geschlechtsidentität und gesunde Beziehungen.

rewired!

rewired ist ein asymmetrisches kooperatives VR-Escape-Lernspiel, in dem mindesten zwei Spielende die elektrischen Systeme einer Raumstation reparieren müssen, um einen Absturz zu verhindern. Spielende müssen gemeinsam Grundlagen der Elektrotechnik lernen und ihr Wissen handlungs-orientiert unter Beweis stellen. Eigenschaften des elektrischen Stroms können in einer ungefährlichen virtuellen 3D-Umgebung erforscht werden

Der Sphery Racer wird mit ganzheitlichen funktionellen Trainingsbewegungen mit skalierbarer Intensität (moderat bis HIIT) gesteuert. Funktionelles Training ist bekannt für seine allgemeinen Trainingseffekte zur Steigerung von Ausdauer, Kraft und Koordination. Die zusätzliche kognitive Herausforderung, die dem Spieler durch verschiedene audiovisuelle Stimuli vermittelt wird, macht den Sphery Racer zu einem ganzheitlichen Körper- und Gehirntraining. STORY TRAININGSPLAN Begib dich als Bit-Runner in den Cyberspace und kämpfe dich durch 15 abwechslungsreiche Trainingsmissionen. Hacke dich tief in den System-Core und sammle alle Daten, die deinen Weg kreuzen und steigere gleichzeitig dein Fitnesslevel auf neue Höhen. Doch bleibe achtsam, eine verrückte K.I. wütet im Cyberspace und hat es auf dich abgesehen.

Der Spieler übernimmt die Rolle eines göttlichen Wesens, das auf die Erde geschickt wird, um sie zu zerstören, nachdem sie von den Ältesten als nicht mehr zu retten eingestuft wurde. Der Charakter kommt auf der Erde an und erfährt einen Sinneswandel. Stattdessen beschließt er, den Menschen zu helfen, ihren Planeten zu retten. Missbilligend entziehen die Ältesten dem Spieler seine Kräfte, die er im Laufe des Spiels wiedererlangen muss. Sowohl dies als auch die Unterstützung der Menschheit bei der Rettung der Welt sind die Hauptziele der Geschichte. Das Spiel ist in Kampagnen unterteilt, die sich jeweils um ein Hauptthema drehen, das sich auf Nachhaltigkeit und Bioökonomie bezieht. Schließe diese Spielmissionen ab, um den Planeten zu retten!

Willkommen in der Welt der Müllmonster

Wenn es um das Thema Mülltrennung geht, können viele Bürger zwar beurteilen, nach welchen Abfallarten in ihrer Heimatstadt sortiert wird, wenn es aber darum geht, konkrete Abfallprodukte der richtigen Tonne zuzuorden, stoßen die meisten bald an die Grenzen des eigenen Wissens. Das edukative Kinderspiel "Die Müll AG", setzt da an, wo Mülltrennung erstmals gelernt werden soll, in der Grundschule. Mit seinem durchdachten Konzept und der liebevoll ausgearbeiteten Geschichte spricht es Müllsortierer allen Alters an, denen es die korrekte Mülltrennung sowie die erweiterte Welt der Abfallwirtschaft über seinen spielerischen Zugang nahe bringt. Verpackt ist die App als interaktives Adventure, auf dessen Abenteuerreise die Spieler die charismatischen Müllmonster kennenlernen, mit denen sie gemeinsam alle Hürden meistern.

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Serious Games Datenbank bei Games for Change

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Serious Games Datenbank bei Games for Change

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Since 2004, Games for Change has offered programs and events for people of all ages and backgrounds to explore, learn, and create at the intersection of games and social impact.

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Game Jam "Gemeinsam zum Highscore!" umfangreiche Dokumentation

Heute weisen wir - voller Stolz - auf die Ergebnisse unseres Game Jams "Gemeinsam zum Highscore!" hin, der am 11. und 12. November in Wolfenbüttel stattgefunden hat. Fotografische und filmische Eindrücke finden sich, ebenso wie ein Blick auf die entstandenen Spiele und eine Möglichkeit zum Testspielen, in der brandneuen Game Jam-Kategorie. Also unbedingt mal reinschauen!

LET'S PLAY GERMANY in Ankum -- Nachlese

Abschiedsvorstellung gestern in Ankum: Unseren letzten LET'S PLAY GERMANY-Workshop des Jahres führten wir mit SchülerInnen eines Politik-Wahlpflichtkurses an der August-Benninghaus-Schule durch: Zum Thema "Schule ohne Rassismus" wurde engagiert diskutiert, und es entstanden auch wieder bewegte Bilder mit Kamera, Actioncam und Minecraft.

Vielen Dank an die TeilnehmerInnen und an Frau Siewe von der OBS-Ankum für die Einladung!

Foto: Jugendwerk e.V.

LET'S PLAY GERMANY im Europahaus Aurich -- Nachlese

Am vergangenen Samstag reiste LET'S PLAY GERMANY an die Küste: Im Europahaus Aurich diskutierten wir mit jungen MultiplikatorInnen vom Jugendwerk e.V. in Wittmund über Gaming- und YouTube-Kultur, den Einsatz von Games in der politischen Bildung -- und es wurden natürlich auch wieder fleißig eigene Medienbeiträge produziert.

Vielen Dank an die TeilnehmerInnen und an das Team vom Europahaus für die Gastfreundschaft! Das LET'S PLAY GERMANY-Finale für dieses Jahr gibt es dann übrigens am kommenden Mittwoch in Ankum -- wir freuen uns drauf!

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LET’S PLAY GERMANY – Medienworkshops für Jugendliche – Fortbildungsangebote für Fachkräfte - Let´s play Germany

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LET’S PLAY GERMANY, ein neues, niedersachsenweites Projekt der LAG Jugend & Film Niedersachsen e.V., regt Jugendliche an, auf diese Fragen eigene Antworten zu finden und diese zu visualisieren.

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Welcome to Indreams, the online sharing portal for all the incredible creations made in Dreams.

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Über die Datenbank 'Digitale Spielewelten'

Alle Einträge stammen ursprünglich von der Website www.digitale-spielewelten.de, einer Online-Kompetenzplattform für Medienpädagogik im Kontext digitaler Spielekultur, die zuletzt von der Stiftung Digitale Spielekultur betrieben wurde. Sie ist im Jahr 2017 unter Federführung der Stiftung in Kooperation mit dem Institut Spielraum der Technischen Hochschule Köln entstanden, unterstützt vom Bundesministerium für Digitales und Verkehr und dem game - Verband der deutschen Games-Branche. Ziel war es, für Akteur*innen aus Pädagogik, Wissenschaft, Games-Branche und Politik an zentraler Stelle Wissen, Erfahrungen und Ideen rund um digitale Spiele strukturiert bereit zu stellen und der Praxis medienpädagogische Materialien an die Hand zu geben. Im Rahmen des Projektes ist im Jahr 2019 zuletzt die Broschüre Bildung neu gestalten mit Games erschienen. Im Jahr 2022 wurden alle inhaltlich und zeitlich weiterhin relevanten Einträge der Online-Kompetenzplattform in diese Datenbank überführt.

Die Methoden und Materialien wurden ursprünglich von verschiedenen Akteur*innen aus der digitalen Spielekultur konzipiert und zur Verfügung gestellt (darunter z. B. Medienpädagog*innen sowie Vertreter*innen gemeinnütziger und öffentlicher Institutionen). Ergänzt wurden diese im Laufe der Jahre durch journalistische Gastbeiträge zu relevanten Facetten der Medienpädagogik bei digitalen Spielen. Alle Einträge dieser Datenbank entsprechen inhaltlich den ursprünglichen Textbeiträgen und sind entsprechenden Kategorien zugeteilt.

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Über die Datenbank 'Digitale Spielewelten' Alle Einträge stammen ursprünglich von der Website www.digitale-spielewelten.de, einer Online-Kompetenzplattform für Medienpädagogik im Kontext digitaler Spielekultur, die zuletzt von der Stiftung Digitale Spielekultur betrieben wurde. Sie ist im Jahr 2017 unter Federführung der Stiftung in Kooperation mit dem Institut Spielraum der Technischen Hochschule Köln entstanden, unterstützt vom Bundesministerium für Digitales und Verkehr und dem game - Verband der deutschen Games-Branche.

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It’s A Big Lake by LAG Jugend & Film Niedersachsen e.V.

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a short exploration game made with Bitsy

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LIFE IS STRANGE © 2015, 2021 Square Enix Limited. LIFE IS STRANGE: BEFORE THE STORM © 2017, 2021 Square Enix Limited. LIFE IS STRANGE, LIFE IS STRANGE 2, LIFE IS STRANGE: TRUE COLORS, SQUARE ENIX and the SQUARE ENIX logo are registered trademarks or trademarks of the Square Enix group of companies. DECK NINE and DECK NINE GAMES are registered trademarks of Idol Minds, LLC. DONTNOD and DONTNOD Entertainment are registered trademarks of DONTNOD Entertainment, S.A. "PlayStation", "PS4 logo", and "PS5 logo" are registered trademarks or trademarks of Sony Interactive Entertainment Inc. Microsoft, the Xbox Sphere mark, the Series X logo, Series S logo, Series X|S logo, Xbox One, Xbox Series X, Xbox Series S, and Xbox Series X|S are trademarks of the Microsoft group of companies. Nintendo Switch is a trademark of Nintendo. ©2021 Valve Corporation. All rights reserved. Steam and the Steam logo are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Valve Corporation in the U.S. and/or other countries. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

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Life is Strange Remastered | SQUARE ENIX

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LIFE IS STRANGE © 2015, 2021 Square Enix Limited. LIFE IS STRANGE: BEFORE THE STORM © 2017, 2021 Square Enix Limited. LIFE IS STRANGE, LIFE IS STRANGE 2, LIFE IS STRANGE: TRUE COLORS, SQUARE ENIX and the SQUARE ENIX logo are registered trademarks or trademarks of the Square Enix group of companies.

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A new story driven adventure about choices and consequences, chaos and order, where you are dropped into the thrilling world of a real revolution.

The year is 1978, the place is Tehran, Iran. You play as Reza Shirazi, a young photojournalist who returns home to find his people in a cold-blooded uprising against the ruling King, the Shah. Your efforts to take photographs entangle you into the underground web of revolution as you meet a vivid cast of characters who challenge your morality.

The fates of those around you hinge on the consequences of your choices. Based on true stories and historical events.

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A new story driven adventure about choices and consequences, chaos and order, where you are dropped into the thrilling world of a real revolution. The year is 1978, the place is Tehran, Iran. You play as Reza Shirazi, a young photojournalist who returns home to find his people in a cold-blooded uprising against the ruling King, the Shah.

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Valiant Hearts: The Great War®

Dies ist die Geschichte von sich kreuzenden Schicksalen und einer verlorenen Liebe in einer aus den Fugen geratenen Welt.
Gemeinsam mit ihrem vierbeinigen Begleiter versuchen die Protagonist:innen das Grauen der Schützengräben zu überleben.

In Valiant Hearts ist das Leben all dieser Menschen untrennbar miteinander verwoben. Freundschaft, Liebe, Verlust und Tragik sind ihre ständigen Begleiter bei dem Versuch, sich gegenseitig zu helfen und im Angesicht der Kriegsgräuel ihre Menschlichkeit zu bewahren.

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Valiant Hearts: The Great War® | Ubisoft (DE)

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Dies ist die Geschichte von sich kreuzenden Schicksalen und einer verlorenen Liebe in einer aus den Fugen geratenen Welt. Gemeinsam mit ihrem vierbeinigen Begleiter versuchen die Protagonist:innen das Grauen der Schützengräben zu überleben. In Valiant Hearts ist das Leben all dieser Menschen untrennbar miteinander verwoben.

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The Ministry of Scheduled Celebration congratulates Arstotzka and the Ministry of Admission for ten successful years of service at Grestin Border Checkpoint. A nation is defined by its borders, and the checkpoint in West Grestin represents an unparalleled success in presenting Arstotzka at its best.

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JETZT ERHÄLTLICH FÜR PC, MAC, IOS UND ANDROID
Website | Presskit

Big Brother ist da - und das bist du. Untersuche das Leben der Bürger und finde die Verantwortlichen für eine Reihe von Terroranschlägen. Hierfür stehen dir Informationen aus dem Internet, persönliche Mitteilungen und private Dateien zur Verfügung. Aber Vorsicht, die Informationen, die du lieferst, werden Konsequenzen haben.

Orwell ist ein neues staatliches Sicherheitsprogramm, mit der Fähigkeit, das digitale Leben jeder Person in der Nation zu überwachen. Es kann die gesamte persönliche Kommunikation überwachen und auf jeden Computer zugreifen. Um die Privatsphäre der Bürger zu schützen, untersuchen menschliche Ermittler die von Orwell gefundenen Daten und entscheiden, welche Informationen an die Sicherheitskräfte weitergegeben werden sollen und welche nicht.

Ausgewählt aus Tausenden von Kandidaten sind Sie der erste menschliche Ermittler von Orwell. Doch als ein Terroranschlag die Hauptstadt der Nation, Bonton, erschüttert, werden Orwell und Sie sofort auf die Probe gestellt. Beginnend mit einer einzelnen Zielperson helfen Sie den Sicherheitskräften, ein Netzwerk potenzieller Täter aufzubauen.

Aber sind diese Personen wirklich Terroristen? Was sagen die Informationen, die Sie an Orwell weitergeben, über sie aus? Was, wenn Sie Dinge über sie herausfinden, die nicht einmal ihre engsten Vertrauten wissen? Was ist der wahre Preis der Sicherheit, nach der sich die Nation sehnt?

Zitate

"Grabs the problem of how we balance our own liberty and our safety and turns it into a thrilling adventure."
9/10 - Polygon

"A harrowing look into a reality where Big Brother is always watching"
Rock Paper Shotgun

"In an age where so much personal information is willingly released by so many, Orwell brilliantly explores the implications of this data being misinterpreted."
8/10 - GameSpot

Preise & Auszeichnungen

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JETZT ERHÄLTLICH FÜR PC, MAC, IOS UND ANDROID Website | Presskit Big Brother ist da - und das bist du. Untersuche das Leben der Bürger und finde die Verantwortlichen für eine Reihe von Terroranschlägen. Hierfür stehen dir Informationen aus dem Internet, persönliche Mitteilungen und private Dateien zur Verfügung.

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Marie’s Room is a short story exploration game about an unconventional friendship between two classmates.

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Spieltheorie interaktiv erklärt: warum & wie wir uns vertrauen.

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Diese putzigen Formen sind zu 50% Dreiecke, zu 50% Quadrate und zu 100% etwas „formistisch". Aber nur ein bisschen! Tatsächlich bevorzugt jedes Polygon eine vielfältige Umgebung:

Du kannst sie nur verschieben, wenn sie mit ihrer unmittelbaren Umgebung nicht glücklich sind. Wenn sie sich an ihrem Platz wohlfühlen, kannst du sie nicht bewegen bis sie wieder mit ihren Nachbar_innen unzufrieden sind. Sie haben nur eine einzige, einfache Regel:

„Ich möchte umziehen, wenn weniger als 1/3 meiner Nachbar_innen so sind wie ich."

Harmlos, oder? Jede Form würde sich in einer gemischten Nachbarschaft wohlfühlen. Ihr kleines Vorurteil kann eine größere Gesellschaft sicherlich nicht beeinflussen? Naja ...

Verschiebe unglückliche Formen bis keine mehr unglücklich ist:
(Bewege sie einfach auf zufällige freie Stellen - ohne viel nachzudenken.)

Und ... unsere Form-Gesellschaft ist auf einmal extrem gespalten. Mist!

Manchmal wird eine Nachbarschaft eben „viereckig" und es ist nicht ihr Fehler, wenn keine Dreiecke mehr dort hin wollen. Und eine „dreieckige" Nachbarschaft würde sich über ein Viereck freuen, aber sie kann ja nichts dafür, wenn die Vierecke nicht interessiert sind.

Im nächsten Beispiel werden unglückliche Formen automatisch auf freie Stellen verschoben. Es gibt auch eine Grafik, die anzeigt, wie sich die Abgrenzung im Laufe der Zeit verändert.

Lass die Simulation einige Male laufen. Was passiert?

Was ist hier los? Es sind doch liebe Formen, nette Formen. Und trotzdem, obwohl jede einzelne nur ein kleines Vorurteil hat, wird die ganze Form-Gesellschaft auseinander gerissen.

Kleine individuelle Vorurteile können zu einem großen gesellschaftlichen Vorurteil führen.

Gleichheit ist ein instabiles Gleichgewicht. Das kleinste Vorurteil kann eine ganze Gesellschaft zum Umkippen bringen. Nun, wie wäre es, wenn wir diesen Formen beibrächten keine Vorurteile zu haben? (Oder, falls du dich heute extrem böse fühlst, mehr Vorurteile?)

Benutze den Regler um die Vorurteile der Formen einzustellen:

Beobachte wie die Trennung zunimmt, wenn die Vorurteile auf über 33% erhöht werden. Was, wenn die Grenze bei 50% wäre? Es erscheint vernünftig, wenn eine Form es bevorzugt, nicht in der Minderheit zu sein ...

Alles klar, einfach jedermanns Vorurteile auf Null setzen, richtig? Haha, nichts da. Die reale Welt startet nicht täglich neu mit einer zufälligen Anordnung der Einwohner_innen. Schließlich ziehst du nicht jeden Tag um!

Die Welt startet getrennt. Was passiert, wenn du die Vorurteile verringerst?

Siehst du, was nicht stattfindet? Veränderung. Keine gemischte Neuverteilung. In einer Welt, in der es einmal Vorurteile gab, reicht es nicht alle Vorurteile zu verlieren. Wir müssen aktiv werden! Wie wäre es, wenn sich die Formen nach einem kleinen Bisschen mehr Abwechslung sehnen würden?

WOW! Obwohl jedes Polygon mit bis zu 90% ihm gleichen Nachbar_innen zufrieden wäre, vermischen sich alle. Lass uns das im größeren Maßstab betrachten, wenn wir das Ausmaß an Vorurteilen und Vorlieben für alle Formen ändern.

Die Welt startet getrennt. Was passiert, wenn die Formen nur ein wenig Vielfalt verlangen?

Alles was wir brauchen ist eine Änderung in der Vorstellung, wie eine akzeptable Umgebung auszusehen hat. Also, liebe Formen, erinnert euch daran, dass es nicht um „Dreiecke gegen Vierecke" geht; es geht darum zu entscheiden wie unsere Welt aussehen soll - und uns nicht mit weniger zufrieden zu geben.

BRINGE SIE ALLE IN DIE KISTE DER F R E U N D S C H A F T
(Tipp: Bewege sie nicht direkt in die Kiste, halte die Paare nahe beieinander.)

Ganz alleine loszuziehen kann einsam machen ... aber gemeinsam, Schritt für Schritt, schaffen wir es.

Endlich, eine gemütliche alte Kiste zum darin Herumspielen.

1. Kleine individuelle Vorurteile → große gesellschaftliche Vorurteile.
Wenn eine Gesellschaft „formistisch" ist, sagt man nicht, dass die Individuen in ihr Formist_innen sind. Persönlich greift man dich nicht an.

2. Die Vergangenheit spukt noch in der Gegenwart.
Dein Schlafzimmerboden hört nicht auf schmutzig zu sein, nur weil du aufgehört hast Essen auf den Teppich zu werfen. Gleichheit zu schaffen ist wie Putzen: Es ist Arbeit. Und man ist niemals damit fertig.

3. Verlange Vielfalt in deiner Nähe.
Wenn kleine Vorurteile den Schlamassel, in dem wir leben, verursacht haben, können kleine Anti-Vorurteile ihn möglicherweise wieder beheben. Schau dich um. Deine Freundinnen und Freunde, deine Kolleginnen und Kollegen, die Konferenz, an der du gerade teilnimmst. Wenn ihr alle Dreiecke seid, verpasst ihr in eurem Leben ein paar interessante Vierecke - das ist unfair gegenüber allen. Streck' die Hand aus, über deine unmittelbare Umgebung hinaus.

Danke, dass du diese Geschichte gespielt hast!

Unser niedlicher, liebenswerter Abgrenzungs-Simulator basiert auf der Arbeit des Nobelpreisträgers und Spieletheoretikers Thomas Schelling - insbesondere seinem mathematischen Modell der Rassenabgrenzung in der wissenschaftlichen Veröffentlichung Dynamic Models of Segregation, erschienen 1971. Darauf aufbauend haben wir gezeigt, wie selbst kleine Forderungen nach kultureller Vielfalt helfen können, die Abgrenzung in einer Nachbarschaft aufzuheben. Kurz gesagt: Wir gaben seinem Modell ein Happy End.

Schellings Modell gibt die Grundidee wieder, aber natürlich ist das echte Leben wesentlich nuancierter. Falls dich echte Daten interessieren, lies beispielsweise W.A.V. Clarks Publikation Residential Preferences and Neighborhood Racial Segregation: A Test of the Schelling Segregation Model von 1991.

Es gibt noch weitere mathematische Modelle für gesellschaftliche Vorurteile! Male-Female Differences: A Computer Simulation zeigt, wie kleine Geschlechtsvorurteile entlang der Karriereleiter zu großen werden. The Petrie Multiplier zeigt, warum ein Angriff auf Sexismus im Technologiesektor kein Angriff auf Männer ist.

Die Moral von der Geschichte™ ist, dass die Forderung nach etwas mehr Vielfalt in deiner Umgebung insgesamt einen riesigen Unterschied macht. Nimm nur Plz Diversify Your Panel, eine Initiative, bei der überrepräsentierte Redner sich verpflichten, nicht an unausgewogen besetzten Diskussionsrunden teilzunehmen.

Unsere „spielbare Geschichte" wurde inspiriert von Bret Victors Explorable Explanations und Ian Bogosts procedural rhetoric.

Spende und engagiere Dich für Vielfalt!
CyberMentor - E-Mentoring für Mädchen in MINT
Roberta - Geschlechter-gerechte Technikbildung in Schulen
Rails Girls Berlin - Ruby on Rails-Workshops für Mädchen und junge Frauen in Berlin
Rails Girls - Ruby on Rails-Workshops für Mädchen und junge Frauen, weltweit
Black Girls Code - Programmierkurse für schwarze Mädchen
Girls Who Code - Programmierkurse für Schülerinnen
Code 2040 - hilft Schwarzen & Latin@s, in den Tech-Sektor zu kommen
Code Liberation - kostenlose Workshops für Frauen zum Videospiele-Programmieren
Ada Initiative - unterstützt Frauen in Open Source & Open Culture
Nickys Patreon - baut gemeinfrei Spielbares (so wie dieses!)

Danke an unsere Beta-Leser_innen:
Andrea, Astrid, Catherine, Chris, Emily, Glen, Jocelyn, Laura, Marc, Marko, Zak

Presseberichte:
WIRED, Washington Post, BoingBoing, Creative Commons, KillScreen, JayIsGames, Hacker News, MetaFilter, New York Magazine, The Atlantic's CityLab, Salon, Polygon

Übersetzungen:
Englisch (das Original), Spanisch, Französisch, Deutsch, Portugiesisch (Brasilianisch), Japanisch, Chinesisch (vereinfacht), Polnisch, Italienisch

Dinge, abgeleitet von diesem Ding:
Polygone mit Fünfecken, Playthrough Video

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Eine spielbare Geschichte darüber, wie zunächst harmlose Entscheidungen eine Welt dramatisch verändern können.

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Ein Spiel über Nachrichten, die sich im Teufels-Kreis drehen

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It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you.\n<<endif>>\n//Maybe I can use this as a reason to finally get my act together,// you think to yourself. //Maybe having her around will keep me from being so depressed so often.//\n \nYou decide to push all of your worries down, and agree to move in. \n\nThe first few weeks feel amazing, but you quickly find that your choice was not a wise one. Trying to hide your struggles with your condition from your partner becomes more and more impossible, and you find that you lack many resources to properly deal with the situations that arise as a result. Due to the lack of communication, she starts feeling like it's her fault, and a wedge is driven between the two of you. This fact is fuel for your illness, and becomes another aspect of your life that you berate yourself for.\n\nDespite sleeping in the same bed, she feels further away than ever before.<<endif>>\n \n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nWhat you really want more than anything is to turn your brain off and just disappear for a while. You sink resignedly into your couch and start playing videogames, but you can't seem to focus on what's happening on-screen. You cycle through a few different games, but tonight everything seems either too tedious or too aggravating for you to play for more than a few minutes. A few of your online friends invite you to play a game with them, but the prospect of having to talk, let alone cooperate with other people seems incredibly unpleasant. You decide to give the videogames a rest for the evening, though you worry that you've offended your online friends and your next conversation will be awkward because of it, giving you yet another source of stress to weigh down on you tonight.\n\nYou boot up Netflix and cycle through some of your favorite shows and movies that you'd flagged as wanting to come back to, but again nothing seems to be able to hold your attention. You feel what can only be described as //mentally fidgety//, like there's an unscratchable itch somewhere on your //brain// that is becoming increasingly hard to ignore. You send off a quick text to Alex hoping that conversation will help pull you out of your head enough to relax, but you know she's in class tonight and the chances of her replying are slim. You head into the kitchen for food and come out with not so much a "sandwich" as just "peanut butter on two pieces of bread." You pace anxiously around your apartment while you eat, irritated both by whatever this nerve-wracking feeling is and by your ability to just ignore it and unwind. \n\n<<if $motivation lte 7>>Your evening is filled with half-successful attempts at distraction and you ultimately head to bed late, head filled with static.<<else>>After a few more sandwiches and an overly long shower, you're finally able to settle down enough to head off to bed.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>You look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. It's an expression you're not unfamiliar with, it's one you've seen flash across her face many times during your time together. Every time it's happened, it feels like getting kicked in the teeth. So often it's happened because you're incapable of escaping the gravity of your depression, and failing her feeds into your self-hatred in a very big way.\n\n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. A lot of times she doesn't seem to realize that there are days where you're not quite capable of doing things like going out and partying, or doing much more than existing. <<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she still doesn't know about your condition. It was an accepted risk of the decision not to tell her, but you're starting to feel like you made the wrong choice and that too much has happened to bring it up now.<<endif>> Though you don't fault her for it, when she expects you to act like a normal person who isn't grappling with a mental illness and you're unable to, it deeply hurts you.\n\n//"I..."// you start to speak but the words choke in your throat. None of this feels real. \n\n//"I think we should break up..."// the words feel foreign as you speak them, as if they were a collection of sounds rather than the death knell for your relationship. In your mind, it was always her that left you, not the other way around.\n\nSoon enough, both of you are in tears as you talk through it. You're both devastated, but settle on breaking up. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> It's going to take you a long time to get over her, but in the moments that you feel a brief clarity of mind, you feel almost relieved to only have to be responsible for your feelings now.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's late Friday afternoon, and Quitting Time is just around the corner. \n\nA bright clear day is giving way to a still, temperate evening. You can hear your coworkers all around you anxiously making plans for their evenings and weekends, but you're really looking forward to just going home and resting after what's turned out to be a very long and taxing work week.\n\nJust before the end of your shift, you get a call from Alex. It seems a group of your mutual friends are heading out to a nearby pub for dinner and drinks to celebrate the end of the week, and they want to know if you'd like to come along. You tentatively tell her that you're emotionally exhausted from the work week and a social outing like that would just take too much out of you today. You encourage her to go and have a good time, since you know it's been a while since she's gone out with friends, but the effort feels futile since you know that she isn't going to go without you.\n\nA couple hours later the two of you find yourselves in a familiar position: on the couch, watching comedy shows on Netflix, a box of pizza open on the coffee table in front of you. As you look across the couch at her, you start to feel anxious. You feel bad about effectively forcing the two of you to stay in tonight, again. While you are always appreciative of your partner's efforts to take your feelings into account and help make sure you're socially comfortable, you sincerely worry that you're holding her back from enjoying a more fulfilling relationship. \n\nWhile she does seem to enjoy spending time with you, as the two of you sit in comfortable, almost contented silence watching old shows you've each seen two or three times before, your ever-increasing fear that your relationship is becoming one-sided weighs more and more heavily on you. You feel more than ever like a burden or a ward to her, and it's virtually impossible for you to see what value you could possibly offer to her in return. Worst of all, this nagging fear has made you feel more self-conscious than ever, withdrawing ever inwards, and you've started to pull away even from Alex herself.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: You know despite the bad times, your girlfriend sincerely loves you. Relationships are a 2-way street, and you resolve to always be there for her like she has been for you.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 9>>[[2: Tell Alex how important she is to you and enjoy your evening.|ilikeYou]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell Alex how important she is to you and enjoy your evening.</FONT></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>[[3: Ask Alex if she's happy with your relationship.|areyouHappy]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Ask Alex if she's happy with your relationship.</FONT></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4: Don't say anything; you're already worried about her being upset with you.|sayNothing]]\n\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nDespite your partner's pleas, you tell Alex you're unable to make it to the party tonight. You say you feel too ill and would just be a drag on everyone.\n\nShe sighs a sigh that you've heard many times before. One of exasperation, but patience. \n\n//"Well ok then. I just hope you feel better soon, I really miss you. I guess I'll see you next week or something..."//\n\nYou apologize profusely and tell Alex that you love and miss her too, and promise to make plans for next weekend. She sounds somewhat distracted and distant as she agrees, says her goodnights, and hangs up.\n\nYou spend the rest of the night beating yourself up for feeling too lousy to go. You leave a few apologetic and loving texts to your partner, and you feel stressed out and forgotten when you don't receive a reply.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou sit and stare at the note for a long while before you rip the post-it off and pick up your phone. If it's possible that this can really help you, you should at least give it a try.\n\nWhile you listen to the phone ring, your mind races. What if you really are mentally ill? What the therapist tells you you're full blown crazy? Would it be worse than being told that you're actually fine and that you're just being a huge baby about being an adult? Your mind latches on to that last thought and you feel foolish. \n<<if $motivation lte 7>>\n//Being worthless isn't a mental illness. You're just a sadsack.//<<endif>>\n\nBefore you can bring yourself to hang up, you're listening to the jarringly chipper voice of the receptionist. You double check that they'll take your insurance, and book an appointment relatively painlessly. \n\nBefore you know it, you're standing in front of the therapist's office on the day of your appointment.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Go to the therapist's office.</font></del></html>\n[[2: Head to the therapist's office, even though you're totally unsure of what to expect.|gotoTherapy2]]\n[[3: Bargain with yourself. Surely there's another way.|anotherWay]]\n[[4: You've lost your nerve entirely. Go home.|justgoHome]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt is an utterly nondescript Wednesday afternoon; the type of afternoon that would completely fade from memory unless one made an active effort to preserve it. As has become routine on Wednesdays, you are sitting on the couch in Dr. Melville's office. To your mild surprise she begins this session by breaking her characteristic Therapist's Silence and begins speaking up right away:\n\n//I wanted to start by saying I think it's great that you decided to come see me - it's an incredibly important first step,// she begins. //I wanted to take some time today to talk to you about the possibility of supplementing or substituting your treatment with medication.//\n\nThe mention of medication makes your ears perk up and you feel your heart rate increasing. She continues:\n\n//Many people find adding a pharmacological element to their treatment to be very helpful, and some even prefer to take drugs, completely eliminating their need to visit a therapist at all, providing you rely on your support network and are still reaching out to people. I would prefer it if we kept talking, should you choose to start medication, so that I can monitor your progress and adjust as needed, but the choice is ultimately yours. I just wanted to run the option by you to gauge what your thoughts on the matter might be.//\n\nDr Melville has just given you a lot to think about. What do you do?\n\n[[1: Accept a prescription as a way to augment your therapy.|hugsandDrugs]]\n[[2: Tell her you'd like to try drugs instead of therapy. These weekly sessions have always made you more than a little uncomfortable.|nohugsjustDrugs]]\n[[3: The thought of messing with your brain chemicals makes you uneasy. You'll stick with the therapy.|hugsnotDrugs]]\n[[4: This whole therapy thing has always overwhelmed you, and this is the final straw. You're done with both.|nohugsorDrugs]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

//Your therapist asks you a question that you're embarrassed to answer. Do you lie or not?//\n\n[[1. Lie.|lietoHer]]\n[[2. Tell the truth.|donotLie]]

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a Wednesday evening, and you're visiting at your parents' house for a holiday.\n\nIt's one of the handful of times during the year you drive out to visit your old hometown, and you've seen random people you had gone to school with around town. Whenever bumping into them, the usual short versions of what you've done since graduating are exchanged. You've gone through a few of these today and have been very aware of how much you feel you haven't accomplished. When you were in high school you had much larger plans, and you feel like you've failed to manifest most of them. Even if you had managed to, you've largely lost interest in what you thought you wanted to do growing up. Now, you're not really sure what you want to do, and you've felt like you're lacking the ambition or drive to figure it out. Everyone you've caught up with seems so much happier than you, like they've got their lives all figured out, and you've kind of been feeling like a failure by comparison.\n\nYour brother Malcolm arrives with his wife in tow shortly before you all sit down to dinner. He's been traveling for his job lately and you haven't seen him since the day he picked you up from the dentist. Your parents haven't seen him since before then. During dinner, they all catch up and Malcolm talks about the amazing things he's done on the road. \n\nYour mother turns to you and asks what you've been up to since you've seen them last. \n\n//"Oh, same old same old..."// you say. //"Nothing really new going on."//\n\nYour mother makes a face. //"Oh, nothing new? How long are you planning on staying at that job of yours?"//\n\nWhat do you say?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Tell them about the exciting new job you're gunning for.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2:(Lie) Tell them what they want to hear: that you're actively looking for a more prestigious position<del></font></del></html><<else>>[[2:(Lie) Tell them what they want to hear: that you're actively looking for a more prestigious position.|liethroughyourTeeth]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Admit that you don't know what you want to do.<del></font></del></html><<else>>[[3: Admit that you don't know what you want to do.|noAmbition]]<<endif>>\n[[4: Excuse yourself to the bathroom.|gototheBathroom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset1.gif"></center></html>\n\nThere's no doubt that depression is a battle, and it seems to have taken a particular toll on you. As the days go by, you find yourself having to fight harder and harder just to keep your life on a forward-moving trajectory.\n\nYou feel like you're constantly fighting a losing battle just forcing yourself to go into work. Sunday nights carry a near physical weight of dread and by mid-week you're ground down to the point of exhaustion. When you are at work, you find it nearly impossible to focus on anything, and lately you suspect that your boss has noticed the drop in your performance. Despite your current mental state, you know that if things keep going the way that they are, you face a very real danger of jeopardizing your job.\n\nYour relationship with your friends has started to deteriorate as well. Though you've known some of them since high school, you've never been comfortable letting them into this facet of your life, and that's true now more than ever. Your frequent bouts of both ambivalence and panic have caused you to flake out on more and more engagements, and your shame at your own situation keeps you from ever talking to your friends about it for fear that the "real you" would be repulsive to them. In spite of your best efforts, your friends have noticed that something is up, and you get the sense that your unwillingness to open up on more than a surface level has offended them. You worry about driving your friends away, and yet find yourself paralyzed and unwilling to let them in. \n\n<<if $significant_Other eq true>>Things with Alex have become more and more strained. The two of you have had several conversations about your situation. She's indicated numerous times that she's willing to be understanding and help you as best she can, but that she feels that you're not taking equal steps to move forward yourself. She worries that you "love being miserable more than you love her," and even in the wake of your desperate-sounding platitudes you can't seem to totally convince yourself that she's wrong. In spite of her obvious frustration, you can't seem to leave your comfort zone and set aside your own self loathing long enough to make a concerted effort to make things better, and you find yourselves having the same conversation on a near weekly basis. You both are feeling emotionally exhausted and the future of the relationship is uncertain.<<else>>After several long conversations with Alex, things finally reached their breaking point. She told you that you seem to "love being miserable more than you love her," and that you cling to that comfortable misery as a way to keep from effecting any positive change, and after several weeks of having the same fight she decided it was too much to bear. While she told you that she still loves you, she can't let herself or her plans be held back by a partner who doesn't share an equal interest in moving forward.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You have communicated many of these events to Dr. Melville in your sessions, and are surprised to find that what you feel more than anything is an overwhelming lack of feeling towards any of it, and she seems very concerned about how far your anhedonia seems to have progressed. You still continue to go to your sessions regularly, largely because you don't know what else to do with your time.<<else>>You have communicated much of this to Malcolm over various coffee outings and phone calls, and are surprised to find that what you feel more than anything is an overwhelming lack of feeling towards any of it. He seems very concerned, though you can tell that he's trying to not overreact to anything you say so he can 'be there' for you. Though you think it's sort of nice to get to see Malcolm more than you have been, but after a few dinners at his well-kept house and drives in his new Camaro you also can't help but make comparisons between his life and your own. Your outings almost always leave you with mixed feelings, with any positivity largely drowned out by amplified feelings of worthlessness.<<endif>>\n\nPouring over the events of the past few months is, even now, exhausting and defeating. Looking at the person you were mere months ago is almost surreal; it feels like a completely different person living a completely different life. You find it difficult to even begin to think about the prospect of your future when your present is so emotionally exhausting. You've gone from a person who had goals and plans to someone who lives largely day-to-day, expending all his effort just to get from AM to PM. Looking across the table at your mother, you feel suddenly drained, unable to go through another one of //those// conversations.\n\nYou simply clear your throat and awkwardly try and change the subject.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $on_Meds eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<endif>><<if $in_Therapy eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation gte 17>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's December, and you've returned to your parents' house to celebrate the holidays with your family. Out the living room window, you can see a gentle flurry of snow drifting down to meet the pristine blanket of white from yesterday's unexpected Christmas Eve snowfall, and you quietly laugh to yourself at how incredibly cliche it seems. \n\nStill, as you sit down to dinner, you can't help but notice how being surrounded by family, and the overly kitschy atmosphere your mom's decorations have created, have actually made you feel relaxed and almost //comfortable//. Your mom is running around frantically checking the oven and the stockings and just generally trying to "family time" it up, while your dad sits at the head of the table drinking a beer and laughing with your brother Malcolm. His wife Karen is there too, whom you've always gotten along well with <<if $cat eq true>>, and your parents even agreed to let you bring your kitten along; she's been darting in and out of people's legs and hopping into laps all night<<endif>>.\n\nAs you thoughtfully munch away at your turkey, listening to the conversations around you, your thoughts drift back over the last few months. You think about how hard things had gotten, replaying over in your head some of your worst (as well as some of your best) memories. It seems like all of these things just came to a head over the past few months, with a sudden flurry of relationship turmoil and professional anxiety, social stress and above all an omnipresent sense of weight that it seems you have just recently become aware of. You're drawn out of your reverie by your dad's familiar booming laugh as some cheesy comment Malcolm made seems to have hit its mark. Sitting at that table, you're suddenly immensely glad for the chance to be able to ignore everything for an evening and not have to struggle trying to explain yourself for once. \n\nFortunately, everyone seems to be content with laughing at each other's jokes and discussing favorite sports teams, and for a while you think you'll be able to get through dinner without any embarrassing personal intrusions. But no sooner did the thought cross your mind than the table conversation trickles off, leaving a slightly awkward silence to descend upon the dinner.\n\n//"So how are you doing these days,// your mom asks you pointedly?\n\nIt's such a simple question, and one that you seem to have had to answer countless times recently. You take a moment to collect your thoughts, then looking up, you take a deep breath.\n\n<<if $motivation eq 1>>[[Well...|endingZero]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>>[[Well...|endingZero]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>>[[Well...|endingThree]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>>[[Well...|endingThree]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>>[[Well...|endingThree]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>>[[Well...|endingFour]]<<endif>>\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYour entire apartment feels claustrophobic, as though you're being choked by how isolated you feel, how trapped you feel just being here with yourself. You can't stand to be here any longer, so you grab your coat and just start walking. If you take a walk and get some air, maybe you can get away from the crushing feeling in your chest.\n\nYou walk for longer than anticipated, headphones on and blaring a favorite track. Before you know it, you've walked over a mile. The entire time your thoughts dart from personal failure to personal failure, and you feel like you're trying to get away from yourself. \n\nHowever, you end up walking long enough that after the initial stress, the static in your head begins to calm down. Instead of being the overbearing noise it was back in the apartment, you've settled into a calmer state where you're able to zone out and listen to the music. Your steps synch to the rhythm in your headphones, and it feels almost as if you were meditating. \n\nThe weather threatens to start raining, and you turn back managing to catch the very start of a rainstorm. Your calm persists as you arrive back home and go through the motions of getting ready for bed, and you're able to sleep with relative ease that night. \n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThis is far from the first time you would have had this conversation with her, and it's one that plays out the same way every time. You explain your fears of being worthless, she tries to tell you that she doesn't see you that way, you insist that she is biased or just being nice to you because she's your girlfriend, and she gets frustrated. It never resolves, nothing new is ever said, and rarely do you feel reassured by it. \n\nOccasionally she tries to broach the subject, trying to discover why you feel like this about yourself. This always makes you feel nervous - you're sometimes convinced that the only reason she's still with you is because she doesn't know how awful you really are. As time as gone on, you've gotten more comfortable trying to express bits and pieces of your insecurities to her, but it still causes you to feel very on guard and it's not a conversation you can have for too long without worrying you're going to scare her away.\n\nThe weight of an unspoken, unresolved issue in your relationship joins you in the room for a little while, but you dare not pick at it for the rest of the night.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYour head feels too noisy, and you need to trade it for some actual conversation. <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>Your therapist did say that it was important to reach out to your support network, so you might as well give it a shot.<<endif>>\n\nWho do you call? \n\n<<if $motivation lte 9>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Your coworker, Sam - He's friendly enough and could be a good distraction.</font></del></html><<else>>[[1: Your coworker, Sam - He's friendly enough and could be a good distraction.|callSam]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Your mother - She unconditionally loves you even if she doesn't always understand you.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Your mother - She unconditionally loves you even if she doesn't always understand you.|callMom]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Alex - She's your girlfriend.|callAlex]]\n[[4: Malcolm - He's family and fun to talk to.|callmalcolm]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nThe mere mention of medication makes you stiffen uneasily. It was hard enough for you to work up the nerve to start coming to therapy, but the thought of introducing into the equation drugs that literally alter the chemicals in your brain totally freaks you out.\n\nYou may feel somewhat honor-bound to Amanda to keep up with your therapy, but you draw the line at ingesting any sort of chemical that you can't buy at a liquor store.\n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $on_Meds eq false>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<else>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou go to your refrigerator, and you're greeted by a reminder that you need to go food shopping. The only thing in the fridge is a collection of condiments and a bottle of white wine your father got for your birthday. You were thinking of saving it for a party, but tonight you're feeling like you'd never be social enough to have one anyway.\n\nAttempting to uncork it with an attachment on a can opener, you managed to get cork into the wine itself. Cursing to yourself, you take this as a sign that you really do manage to fuck up everything that you touch. Deciding against using a glass, you bring the entire bottle with you into your room and drink in earnest, hoping that this will take the edge off the anger that you feel towards yourself and dull your emotional state.\n\nYou quickly down the bottle, spitting out bits of cork as you go. <<if $on_Meds eq true>>However, after you have calmed down you remember that your medication compounds the effects of alcohol, and you find yourself very drunk very quickly.<<else>>After you've calmed down, you feel quite drunk and remember that you'd forgotten to eat anything today.<<endif>>\n\nUnable to do much else, you kill time on the internet and manage to post a semi-incoherant status update before wandering over to lay in bed.<<if $cat eq true>> Your cat sits on your chest as you pull your phone into view, ceiling spinning above it.<<else>>You lay on your back and pull your phone into view while the ceiling spins beyond it.<<endif>> \n\nYou drunk-dial Alex, and the phone rings multiple times before going to voicemail. Since it's Friday night, you assume that this means that she's out partying with her friends, and you leave an embarrassing voicemail "apologizing" for not being cool and fun enough to go out with her on nights like this.\n\nYou close your eyes after you hang up, hoping to get the room to stop spinning. Your inebriated state makes your depressed thoughts even more intense, and you pass out in a state of self-loathing. This really didn't help.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n//"Oh, I'm asking for a raise soon."// you mumble. //"I'm shopping around for a better position, too."//\n\nYou mom lights up. //"Oh! That's great honey! They'd be crazy not to give it to you!"//\n\nConversation turns to other subjects as you stare at your plate. You hate lying to them, but you honestly feel like your parents don't even know you sometimes. Every time you have tested the waters in the past, you come away from it feeling like you can't get through to them, like you're speaking a different language. Trying to fight through that takes so much effort and ever feels like it even works, and you just don't have the energy to try right now.\n\nEven though you spend the rest of the night surrounded by your family, you feel like an alien. You retreat into your thoughts, and get very quiet for the remainder of the night.\n\nAs you're leaving, Malcolm takes you aside and gives you a big hug. //"Don't let Mom get to you, ok? I love you kiddo."//\n\n[[Next.|bonerKiller]]<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a little after noon on a muggy Saturday.\n\nYour mother has come over for a surprise visit, claiming loudly that she doesn't see you enough so she'd decided to invite herself over. <<if $motivation lte 6>>One of the first things she does is comment on how messy your apartment is. You tell her you know it's messy, and it actually bothers you too, you just for some reason haven't been able to work yourself up to cleaning the place up yet. <<endif>>As you converse, she walks around your place, and you get the distinct impression that you're being "inspected."\n\n//So what's going on with you lately,// she asks abruptly.\n\nTaken somewhat aback by this left-fielder you tell her you're not sure what she means. She repeats the question, saying that you haven't seemed like yourself lately - she gestures to the dirty dishes piled in the sink and notes the fact that you haven't called or visited in a while. Your reticence only seems to spur her on more; she presses you, asking if you're having problems at work or with Alex, and you're beginning to feel increasingly battered by her sudden well-meaning but overwhelming inquisition.\n\nUnder her questions you become increasingly uncomfortable. You //want// to be able to explain to her how you've been feeling, but the truth is you're not really sure yourself. Nothing horrific has happened at work or with your significant other or friends or anything like that, but all the same you can't deny that lately you've just felt drained and as though you're not really "here". \n\nYou wish you could tell your mother these things, but she hasn't been approachable about negative emotions in the past. She is the kind of person who holds the opinion that the solution to any problem is to simply try harder and maintain a positive attitude, a stance that has reared its head in past conversations when you've begun to explore the subject with her. You know she's unlikely to be understanding, and you feel the energy drain out of you when you imagine what would happen if you managed to blurt out everything you are feeling.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Let her know that you've been feeling down lately, and that you appreciate her concern.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try to be honest with her anyway.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: Try to be honest with her anyway.|imDown]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Tell her that everything is fine, and thank her for asking.|imfineMom]]\n[[4: Change the subject.|dodgeDodge]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

Depression Quest: An Interactive (non)fiction About Living With Depression

We really want to thank you for taking the time to play //Depression Quest//. We realize it may not be the most enjoyable game you've ever played, or even the easiest, and we sincerely appreciate your involvement.\n\nIf you would like to contribute to the developers and to <html><a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetInvolved/Donate">The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline</a></html>, click <html><a href="http://the-quinnspiracy.itch.io/depressionquest">here to do so.</a></html>\n\nLike depression itself, //Depression Quest// does not have an end really. There is no neat resolution to depression, and it was important to us that //Depression Quest's// own resolution reflect that. Instead of a tidy ending, we want to just provide a series of outlooks to take moving forward. After all, that's all we can really do with depression - just keep moving forward. And at the end of the day it's our outlook, and support from people just like you, that makes all the difference in the world.\n\nThanks again.\n\n<html><a href="http://www.iFred.org">Learn more</a></html>\n\n[[Credits.|credits]]

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>In feeling vulnerable, you decide to reach out to the familiarity of family. You have had your fair share of differences with your mother, but you know for a fact she would never turn you away if you needed her. \n\nYou dial the phone number of the house you grew up in, the number that hasn't changed during your entire life. Your old number. Your mother answers after a few rings, and is delighted that you had called her. You ask her what's new and she launches into telling you all about all of the activities around the house, what friends of the family have been up to, and a tangent about how she's desperately trying to get your father to eat more healthily. \n\nHearing about the day to day details of her life back home reminds you of being a little kid in that neighborhood, and is a pleasant distraction. However when she asks you how you're doing, you're faced with the decision to either lie or the familiar back and forth of trying to tell her how you're feeling and having her not understand why you're so upset. \n\nInstead, you tell her that you have to run all of a sudden, and tell her you love her and hang up. As you hang up, you feel a little more isolated than when you started. You feel like you got overly sentimental for the way you felt when you were a kid and wanted to be looked after, and let that make you forget that your mother is not a terribly understanding person when it comes to matters of mental health.\n\nYou lay down on your bed, feeling slightly defeated, and stare up at your ceiling.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou agree to go, even though you're really not feeling social. You know it's important to Alex, and you'd really like to see her. Seeing her does make you feel better sometimes, and you hope that this is the case tonight even if it does mean dealing with all the usual social anxiety.\n\nThe time to leave rolls around and you grab your overnight bag. Alex's apartment is a short walk away, and there are already people hanging out on the porch. You feel your chest tighten as you approach the building, and try to steel your nerves.\n\nYou quickly find your partner, chatting away with the birthday girl, and Alex immediately lightens up when she sees you. \n\n//"I'm so happy you came! I wasn't sure if you were going to make it!"//\n\nA young man taps her on the shoulder, and she turns back to you to apologize and let you know they have to do something for the party. Alex hands you a beer and plants a kiss on your cheek before going off to deal with whatever came up.\n\nAs you look around, you don't see anyone else you recognize.\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Enthusiastically socialize!<html></font></del></html>\n[[2: Awkwardly stand in the same spot, unsure of what else to do.|awkwardlyStand]]\n[[3: Put your bag in your Alex's room and avoid the crowd in there for a while.|gotoRoom]]\n[[4: Cling to the back wall, sip your beer, and wait for your girlfriend to return|backWall]]\n[[5: Proceed to drink in earnest, hoping it makes you less uncomfortable|getCrunk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou have your first session with your new therapist, Dr. Susan Melville, a tall woman in her mid 40's with a disarming demeanor and patient eyes with the start of the slightest smile lines. She makes you feel comfortable fairly easily, which is a pleasant surprise after all of your anxiety over the appointment. \n\nAs you leave, you make a second appointment. You're still skeptical about all of this, but figure you might as well see where this goes. The hardest part, it seems, was taking the first step. You're still not sure if and how you're going to tell your family or your partner but you figure you'll deal with that when the time comes. Either way, you feel relieved that you managed to see this through instead of being paralyzed with worry over it. Even if nothing comes of it, you did something you said you would instead of flaking out or running away.\n\nYou're emotionally exhausted when you get home and collapse into bed. You sleep better that night than you have in a week, and you're not sure if it is because you were so tired when you got home or if it's because of the therapist.\n<<set $in_Therapy = true>>\n[[Next.|workSucks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

//"What's wrong?"//\n\nYou still feel anxious when you recall feeling exposed by her small question, even though it's one that always sets your teeth on edge. However, you know that she only asked out of genuine concern and from the frequency that people have been asking you this question lately, you're starting to suspect you've been a bit more transparent than you'd hoped.\n\nFriday rolls around and the two of you grab coffee, to go this time, and walk around the area talking. She asks you how you've been, and you manage to open up and summarize your emotional state, though doing so is difficult. \n\n<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>> She asks if you've talked to a doctor about this, and you admit that you haven't. She mentions that her mother is seeing a very good therapist in town, and offers to ask her about it. \n\nYou're not thrilled about the idea of going to a therapist and even less thrilled that Amanda might be telling someone about your problems, but she persists and tells you she'll email you the doctor's contact information later in the week, should you decide to take that avenue.\n\nAfter that, conversation drifts back to current events in both of your lives, talk about mutual friends, and other assorted small talk and catching up.\n\nThough it was far from the easiest thing in the world, trusting Amanda felt like it eased some of the anxiety, as though you were physically releasing a pressure valve in your brain. Being able to be honest about it with a friend who understood and didn't judge you felt like a relief, and you're less tense than normal even after you part ways.\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda_2nd = true>>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a little past 8pm on a Tuesday night.\n\nYou're at your computer, frustration levels peaked, rubbing your eyes and sighing heavily. You're working on a project from your job that has you stretched to wit's end trying to meet a looming deadline, and as it lurks closer and closer you are seriously doubting your ability to get it done. You've dragging your feet a little at work due to your complete lack of energy lately, in spite of wanting to do a good job. You find yourself unable to push past it, and feel horribly useless for it. \n\nYou slide your hands off your face to look at your screen as it beeps at you. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: hey are you there?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i really need to talk to someone about something...</font></html>\n\nYou feel like you're getting nowhere with your current task, and could probably use a break. However, you know that you have a history of getting distracted and then losing motivation to pick something back up again afterward.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Multitask.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 8>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell Attic you're busy.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Tell Attic you're busy.|tooBusy]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Try to regain your focus - don't answer.|dontanswerAttic]]\n[[4: Answer Attic.|helpthemOut]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>> \n\nAs much as you like the idea of trying to get work done tonight, the thought of the amount of catching up you have to do instantly freezes you up. The longer you stare at your computer, the higher your stress levels rise, until you're on the verge of a full blown panic attack. Not even wandering into the living room to try and watch TV relaxes you. You soon succumb to the mental and physical exhaustion and crawl into bed, making a point to close your laptop before you turn the light out. You lay in bed for some time feeling disappointed in your own inability to be productive before finally passing out.\n\nYou awake in the morning from a sleep that was far from restful. In fact, it seems impossible, but it's as though you're //more//tired than you were when you fell asleep last night. As you pick up your phone to shut your alarm off you see a handful of text messages from Alex that you apparently missed last night.\n\n//2 missed calls//\n\n//Text Message: Hey - tried calling when I got out of class but I guess you're sleeping?//\n\n//Text Message: Anyway I hope you had a good day at work, and I hope you were able to get some stuff done when you got home. I'll talk to you tomorrow? I'm out of class early.//\n\n//Text Message: Good night babe. I love you.//\n\n[[Next.|partyTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $malcolmKnows eq false>>You reach for the phone to call your brother Malcolm, the member of your family who you feel has always understood you best. He always looked out for you when you two were kids, and although you don't see each other much anymore you are still close with him. \n\nThe phone rings three times before his wife Karen picks up, and she tells you he's away on business right now. You redial his cell phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. Feeling defeated, you hang up and lay in bed, thoughts gnawing at you as you do. You feel selfish for trying to reach out to him while he's busy in the first place - he's always so busy and he's an important person to so many people. You, on the other hand, are laying on your bed in a crappy apartment feeling sorry for yourself. Your thoughts turn to how if you were to just vanish, you feel like no one would notice for days and when you did there wouldn't be too many negative consequences for anyone. You're not in charge of anything important, you're distant from your friends, so who would even notice?\n\nYour thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing next to your head. It's Malcolm.\n\n//"Hey kiddo, I'm sorry I missed your call, I was in a tunnel on the way back to my hotel. How's it going!"// he enthusiastically greets you. \n\nThrough a series of exchanges between the two of you, you end up actually opening up to your brother about your condition and how you've been dealing with it. To your surprise, he's known for a while but was unsure of how to approach you. He wanted to give you space to figure it out, and didn't want to put more stress on you the way your parents do. \n\nThe two of you talk on the phone for a good long time, and he proves himself to be an excellent listener and very skilled at finding the perfect times to lighten the mood with a joke without seeming like he's making fun of you or doesn't take your feelings seriously. He reminds you that you can call him any time that you need to let off some steam.\n\nYou say your goodbyes, and you find that even though you ended up in tears one or two times in explaining things, the whole conversation had done a lot to get you into a better headspace. \n\nYou feel a little less alone knowing you have an ally in dealing with your illness in Malcolm. <<else>>Remembering the conversation the two of you had when you were given the night guard, you recall that your brother had told you to call him if you ever needed to on days like this. \n\nThe phone rings three times before his wife picks up, and she tells you he's away on business right now. You redial his cell phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. Feeling defeated, you hang up and lay in bed, thoughts gnawing at you as you do. You feel selfish for trying to reach out to him while he's busy in the first place - he's always so busy and he's an important person to so many people. You, on the other hand, are laying on your bed in a crappy apartment feeling sorry for yourself. Your thoughts turn to how if you were to just vanish, you feel like no one would notice for days and when you did there wouldn't be too many negative consequences for anyone. You're not in charge of anything important, you're distant from your friends, so who would even notice?\n\nYour thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing next to your head. It's Malcolm.\n\n//"Hey kiddo, I'm sorry I missed your call, I was in a tunnel on the way back to my hotel. How's it going!"// he enthusiastically greets you. \n\nAlthough you feel awkward about it, you talk to your older brother about how you're feeling and what your condition is doing to you right now. The two of you talk on the phone for a good long time, and he proves himself to be an excellent listener and very skilled at finding the perfect times to lighten the mood with a joke without seeming like he's making fun of you or doesn't take your feelings seriously. He reminds you that you can call him any time that you need to let off some steam.\n\nYou say your goodbyes, and you find that even though you ended up in tears one or two times in explaining things, the whole conversation had done a lot to get you into a better headspace.<<endif>>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $on_Meds = true>>\nYou think the matter over long and hard. It's strange to think that recently none of this sort of thing was even on your radar, and here you are now being asked to make a decision about it. You're both skeptical and nervous, still getting over the initial shock of even just talking to a therapist. Still, over the years you've done enough entry-level reading on the subject to know that, if it doesn't //help// at least it probably won't //hurt,// right?\n\nAfter an intense and protracted period of internal vacillation, you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. You tell Dr. Melville that you'd like to try medication in addition to your therapy, and you spend about half an hour going over what you'll be taking and what you should expect from it. Thinking back on the decision later, you're pretty sure you had your fists tightly clenched the whole way through.\n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>You stare at the note for a long while before crumpling it in your hand and throwing it out. //Therapy is for people with real problems, not whiners like me...// you tell yourself. Even if you did think you were worth the resources, you don't know if you could actually bring yourself to dial the number and say the words out loud. Somehow, that would make what you're feeling seem that much real. If you don't call, some part of you feels like it makes it that much easier to pretend it all isn't happening. \n\n//Maybe that's for the best,// you think. If you can just shove it all down and try to ignore it, you can struggle through the day and hopefully someday just get over it. Opening up is painful, and you're not sure if dredging all of this sewage out of your mind will even have a positive effect on you.\n\nThe therapist would probably laugh at you anyway.\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]] \n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nDespite it becoming a part of your routine, the next day you stop yourself from taking the tiny pill in the morning as per usual. The side effects have been an annoyance and you are pretty convinced that you no longer need them. The rest of the day goes by as normal, and you believe that you have made the correct choice.\n\nHowever, as time goes on, the familiar pit of despair in the back of your mind reopens and reaches out to pull you back in. You feel the familiar self hatred and anxiety wrap itself around your brain, choking it. All of this feels much worse than the side effects of the medication, so you resume taking it and desperately wait for the readjustment period to be over.\n\nYou'll not make this mistake again.\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>\nDr. Mellville tells you that this is a common thing for depression sufferers to experience. They feel better, so they discard the medication believing that they're cured. However, it was just a sign that the medication was doing it's job. She reminds you that depression is a chronic mental illness that needs proper treatment, and she asks you to consult her before augmenting your medication schedule in the future.<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|tellThem]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nStaring up at the old brick building, it all starts to feel like too much. You can't bring yourself to walk into the office, no matter how hard you try to will your feet to. The thought of opening up to a complete stranger and telling them such private things while they sit there taking notes is completely overwhelming. \n\nYou picture yourself sitting on the therapist's couch and you hate yourself. You internally berate yourself for being so pathetic and sniveling and unable to just "toughen up" and be normal. In that moment, you can't see how this could be anything positive. How it could be anything more than just another way that you're weak. You discount every shred of strength you've summoned to come this far and focus on your own self loathing. \n\nEmbarassed, you retreat back home. As you pretend to go about your day as though everything was normal, you can't stop thinking about how stupid you feel for being unable to simply walk into a building and get the help that you know you need. \n\nIt ends up being yet another thing for you to beat yourself up over. \n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou have the realization that you can't be sure if it's a general life change that's making you feel better, or if it's just a sign that the medication is working. You decide against discontinuing your meds - it's not really a lesson you'd like to learn the hard way, and the side effects of this particular kind are negligible.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>The next time you see Dr. Mellville, you tell her about this. She informs you that this is a common train of thought that people who have begun using medication to help them manage their depression experience, and that you've managed to dodge a bullet because it generally ends poorly. \n\nShe also asks you to talk to her first before making any decisions about your medication in the future.<<endif>>\n[[Next.|tellThem]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset4.gif"></center></html>\n\nYou've never really thought of yourself as a "fighter," and even to say it now it sounds hokey, but looking back on the past few months to where you are now it really does feel like you've endured an immense struggle, and you look at where you are now with a sense of something that isn't quite pride.\n\nYou still hate your job and find it unpleasant, but you're surprised to find that going into work every day is no longer a monumental challenge; you've started adopting some clever techniques, like taking short 2-minutes breaks every hour to break up the monotony, and you now view your job as just 8 short hours of your day<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>, a compartmentalization technique Dr. Melville told you about that you've found actually works quite well<<endif>>. You know this job isn't what you want to do for the rest of your life, and you've started actively looking for other positions, even attending a couple of preliminary interviews.\n\nYou've started making effort to go out with your friends more. While the social scene still makes you very uncomfortable sometimes, you're more and more able to let yourself just enjoy the company of your friends. In fact, your relationship with many of them has increased over the past little while. You still definitely have days where you flake out or don't feel up to hanging out, but for the most part your friends are understanding and appreciate your communication.\n\nBy far the biggest change you've noticed in your life has been in your relationship with Alex. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>You were terrified of talking to her about everything at first, but looking back you feel like it's only strengthened your relationship. <<endif>>She was always supportive of you emotionally, but lately the two of you have been even more in sync, and it's really starting to feel like you're building a life //together//. <<if $movedIn eq true>>It's been a while since the two of you have moved in together, and while there were a few early hiccups things have for the most part run very smoothly.<<else>>It even seems like the two of you have been making a more concerted effort to sync up your schedules, and have been spending more and more of your down time with each other; pretty soon you think moving in together may be a very real possibility.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>Dr. Melville has commented on how well you seem to be doing, and <<if $on_Meds eq true>>whether a result of the therapy, the medication, or both, <<endif>> you can't help but agree.<<endif>>\n\nWith all that seems to have improved recently, it's sometimes difficult for you to think about the fact that you still have bad days - sometimes even //really// bad days. They serve as a stark reminder of the fact that this will be something you likely have to deal with for the rest of your life. Depression is a battle, and though you're certainly ahead in the fight, you know the battle isn't ever going to be over. Sometimes even Alex can tell when things are going rough, despite your best efforts to the contrary. \n\nWhile you know that your depression can never be "cured," you have a very strong support network in your friends and even Malcolm<<if $inTherapy eq true>> and Dr. Melville<<endif>>, and armed with a newfound confidence in your friends and family, you accept that though the road may be rocky, it is at very least not solitary.\n\nYou meet your mom's gaze from across the table and muster up a smile.\n\n//"I'm good, mom,// you tell her.\n\nShe says nothing, but you can feel her smile from across the room. \n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

While you desperately want to be able to explain to your boss that you aren't just being irresponsible and that there //is// and issue that you're wrestling with, it seems like such a trainwreck of a conversation that you banish the idea from your mind. Instead, you come up with some sort of excuse about how you caught the flu from a friend over the weekend and how, while you were very sick for the past few days, you're getting better. You apologize for missing so much work and you promise you'll take better care of yourself in the future so you won't have to miss more work.\n\nWhile you're almost certain that your boss doesn't buy your excuse, he seems satisfied enough by your explanation and seems legitimately happy that you're ok and back in work. He ends the meeting without any more fuss. You spend the rest of the day with your eyes practically glued to the floor.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]\n\n//should this affect stats at all?//

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html>\nYou have a day job which you feel is really nothing special. You started out receiving minimum wage, but have stayed around long enough to be making enough to support yourself. The work is dull and unrewarding, and most days you feel like just about anyone could do it.\n\nYou have a hard time relating to most of your coworkers, so you mostly keep to yourself and get the work done while you're there. There are one or two people you chat with, though you wouldn't consider yourself close with them.\n\nA lot of days lately, you have a really hard time getting out of bed and forcing yourself to go in. You're starting to wonder how long you can keep this up.\n\nYou'd really like to find another job in your field of interest, but feel like you are under qualified every time you look at online job postings. Sometimes you think about going back to school, but you would be unsure how you would be able to support yourself and wonder if the degree would really help anyway.\n\n[[Back.|Next]]

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt is a breezy Sunday afternoon.\n\nYou've allowed Amanda, an old friend from school that is in town for the weekend to talk you into leaving the house for coffee and catch up. You meet her in a small cafe and talk about what you've been up to since you've last seen each other, and you can't help but feel like they are a lot more accomplished and interesting than you are while listening to them talk about their life after school. \n\nWhen it's your turn to brief them on your activities, you feel anxious and ashamed and give a very abbreviated version. You try to talk about your job as little as possible, and you feel incredibly boring while you describe it despite her expressing sincere interest in you and your life.\n\nAmanda has known you long enough to read your mood and tone of voice. She leans into ask a question while gently touching your hand, a look of genuine concern on her face.\n\n//"What's wrong?"//\n\nDo you...\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Suggest a change of location and confide in her honestly.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 6>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Test the waters and open up a little, hoping she'll understand.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: Test the waters and open up a little, hoping she'll understand.|openUp]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Insist that nothing is wrong and change the subject.|subjectChange]]\n[[4: Defensively ask what she means by that.|defensive]]\n[[5: Notice that your hands are shaking.|Crying]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $partnerHP eq 2>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<if $partnerHP eq 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<endif>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. You can't help but feel like you've let her down, and you want to fix it. You desperately want this relationship to continue, to be stronger. It's one of the few good things in your life, and you feel like you owe her so much for helping you as much as she has. You're not sure how to solve things other than to literally remove the distance.\n\n//"Let's move in together."// you tell her, matter of factly. //"It will bring us back together. We could fall asleep together every night, reconnect with each other..."//\n\nYou are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. However, you're too afraid of losing her to deal with that right now. You want to show her that you're serious about the two of you.\n\n//Maybe I can use this as a reason to finally get my act together,// you think to yourself. //Maybe having her around will keep me from being so depressed so often.//\n<<if $partnerHP eq 2>>\n\n//"I'm... not sure what to say. This is all so sudden..."//She thinks really hard for a minute. //"Sure, we could try it, but we'll have to figure out logistics, and I have to-"//\n\nYou interrupt her with a tight hug, which she seems initially tense but loosens up to. You both recommit to making things work between the two of you, and get exciting while talking about what could be soon. You're tremendously relieved, and can't wait to live together.\n\nThe first few weeks feel amazing, but you quickly find that your choice was not a wise one. Trying to hide your struggles with your condition from your partner becomes more and more impossible, and you find that you lack many resources to properly deal with the situations that arise as a result. Due to the lack of communication, she starts feeling like it's her fault, and a wedge is driven between the two of you. This fact is fuel for your illness, and becomes another aspect of your life that you berate yourself for.\n\nDespite sleeping in the same bed, she feels further away than ever before. It becomes clear that this didn't fix any of the relationship's problems, and it deteriorates far enough that she moves back out soon after moving in. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<endif>> You hardly leave your apartment despite it practically haunting you with memories of the last few weeks of your time with her. You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.<<else>>\n\n//"I... I'm not sure what to say... This is..."// she seems taken completely off guard. \n\n//"I can't do that. I'm sorry. It's too much. I don't think we should be together anymore."//she says, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. \n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.<<endif>><<set $significant_Other = false>>\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

HEY - YOU GUESSED IT, MORE WORDS!\n\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\n\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThe thought of picking up the phone and calling someone about this right now is overwhelming. Sure, you're having a hard time lately and have motivation issues, but are you really //in need of therapy//? Shouldn't you be able to just get over it yourself? What if they put you on medication that makes you feel like a zombie? What if you go and the therapist looks down on you? What will Alex think about this?\n\nTrying to think about all these things at once makes it feel like a very big deal, and you decide to take your time to think on it.\n\nThe rest of the day passes quickly, and that night you have a hard time trying to sleep because your brain is too busy thinking about all these things, <<if $motivation lte 6>>and imagining all of the ways it could go horribly wrong.<<else>>and it's hard to get any rest that night.<<endif>>\n\nThe next morning, you check your email again with blurry eyes<<if $cat eq true>> and a mewing kitten<<endif>>. Amanda's email is still there, seemingly waiting for you. You are no more decided than you were yesterday.\n\nWhat now?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Just call already - it can't hurt to check it out.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 4>>[[2: Call after wrestling with it for a few minutes longer.|callTherapist]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Call after wrestling with it for a few minutes longer. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Don't call. This is way too much for you to be able to deal with right now.|closeEmail]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 3>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>Panic sets in, and it sets in hard. Your mind begins frantically darting between insulting yourself for being so horrible at relationships and thinking of the "right" thing to say to make her stay. All you want in the world right now is to keep her with you, to make her feel better. Even though you feel a bit selfish and dishonest, you use it as fodder against yourself instead of changing your course of action.\n\n//"No... Things are fine. It's just what happens after you're with someone for a while..."// you tell her, though you're not even sure you quite believe that yourself.\n\nAlex looks uncomfortable. //"We're just getting used to each other. We're still figuring out how we fit together. We'll get through this."//\n\nAlex calls you out on the platitudes, and you said them with such a lack of conviction that it's hardly surprising. Your panic escalates as the more desperate you are to find the right words for her makes her pull further away from you, and it turns into a full blown fight. You can practically watch her slip through your fingers as you try to cling on tighter. It's as if you're watching yourself say these things and screaming //No, stop, can't you see how you're driving her away!?// But you can't stop, and before you know it you're both saying things that you could never take back. The rift is widening between you, and you're both almost shouting at each other before the conversation hits a brick wall and you both stand there, staring at each other. You've never seen this kind of anger in her eyes.\n\n//"We need to break up. I can't do this anymore."// she says through tears, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. //"You should leave."//\n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a mild Friday afternoon.\n\nAlex calls you from one of her classes telling you that there's going to be a "really awesome" birthday party tonight at her apartment that one of her roommates is throwing. You've hung out with this roommate a few times with Alex, and you get along well enough but aren't particularly close.\n\nYou don't have work in the morning, and have nothing else in particular to do tonight. You are feeling kind of run-down, but you have been fatigued most of the time lately. \n\nYou mention that you're feeling ill because you're not sure how else to explain those feelings to someone else, and say that you aren't sure that you can make it tonight. \n\nThere's a second of silence over your phone, but you can swear you can hear the sound of your partner's face fall.\n\nShe tries to convince you anyway. You haven't seen her this week, and she sounds pretty insistent that you come over. She even drops a few suggestively worded hints that you can stay over with them tonight after the party.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Shake off your funk and go have a good time with your girlfriend.</FONT></del></html>\n[[2: Agree to go.|agreetoGo]]\n[[3: Say that you're really just not feeling well and can't make it|tooSick]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunrise.gif"></center></html>\n\nIt is early on a Monday morning.\n\nYou are a mid-twenties human being. You have a significant other [[named Alex|significantOther]] who you are rather fond of, that you have been seeing exclusively for the past few months. The rest of your [[social circle|socialCircle]] consists of a variety of friends and acquaintances, some of whom you met at your [[day job|dayJob]] which is a little boring, but pays the rent. You'd like to be doing more with your life, [[as would your parents|family]], but you're still in the process of figuring out what that means and how to go about it.\n\nYou are also dealing with motivation issues that sometimes makes dealing with these things difficult. You feel like this is probably your fault, and on bad days can feel inwardly angry and down on yourself for being "lazy", but you're not quite sure how you can break out of it, or how other people deal with these feelings and seem so very functional. \n\nYou spend a lot of nights fixating on thinking about this, but never seem to do anything about it other than lose sleep.\n\n[[Next.|workIt]]

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt is a lazy Sunday morning.\n\nYou are idly clicking around online as your phone rings. Sam, a coworker of yours that you're friendly with, asks how you are and makes hurried smalltalk with you. You typically only ever talk to him on the phone when one of you needs a shift covered, so it's slightly awkward. You're waiting in anticipation for him to ask you to come in on short notice when he veers the conversation in a completely different direction.\n\n//"How do you feel about cats?"//, he asks. //"Mine had kittens a few weeks ago and I'm having an awfully hard time finding a home for the last one of the litter. You don't have any pets, right?"//\n\nIt takes you a moment to process this new information, and you're caught off guard as he begins to earnestly try to sell you on the idea of taking the last kitten off his hands. It's not something that you had specifically considered before, and he seems fairly insistent.\n\n//"She's a real sweetheart, really loves people. She's got all her shots already taken care of and the vet said she's healthy as a horse. I can bring her over by your place tonight if you're interested."//\n\nYou look around your apartment and try to picture a cat in it as he continues to tell you about how cute she is. You tell him that this is all kind of sudden, and that you don't have anything for the kitten set up here. \n\n//"Oh don't worry about that, I can bring over a litterbox and food and all that since you'd really be helping me out of a fix. It's the least I could do! I just don't want to have to put her in a shelter."//\n\nYou can't help but feel like you're being guilt tripped, but you decide to give it some serious consideration. It DOES get awfully lonely around your apartment, and it might feel less empty with a cat around. However, since you've been feeling so down it might not be a good idea to take on the responsibility of a cat even if they are fairly low maintenance. \n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Take the cat, knowing full well that you can take great care of it.</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Decline. Even though you'd be totally capable of taking care of it, you're not much of a cat person.</font></del></html>\n[[3: Become a cat owner. You could use the companionship.|kittenGet]]\n[[4: Decline. You're not in a good enough place to be taking on more responsibility right now.|felineDeclined]]\n[[5: Decline. You don't like cats.|noThanks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at her standing, barely lit, and notice there's a few candles scattered around the apartment. It occurs to you that she has tried to make this night special for the two of you, so you decide to put aside your bad mood and simply be with her. Even though you have a tight knot of antisocial frustration in your stomach, seeing how much she cares makes you want to try to melt it away so you can show her how much you care that she's gone through all this trouble. \n\nYou wrap your arms around her and feeling her body against yours takes some of the edge off of your distress. The two of you head to the bedroom, and although you enjoy the closeness, <<if $onMeds eq false>>you're still distracted by your negative feelings earlier and she can pick up on it. Things get a little awkward, and eventually the two of you decide to stop for the night.<<else>>you're having problems getting physically aroused. You've been warned that this could be a likely side effect of the medication you've been taking, but you were hoping that you would be one of the percentage of the population that isn't affected by it.<<endif>>\n\nAs you lay in bed with Alex, she sheepishly asks //"Is... Is there something I'm doing wrong?"//\n\nYou pull her closer. //"No, no, nothing like that. I'm just having... difficulties relaxing."//\n\n//"Oh... Okay..."// she looks at you with uncertainty.\n\n//"I had a bad day at work and I guess I'm kind of distracted."//\n\nA wave of humiliation washes over you as you hold her. You're really embarrassed about your inability to perform, though you're grateful that you got the chance to be close with her anyway. \n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's such a small question, but it feels like a blow to the gut. You surprise yourself when you realize that your tightly clenched fists are now beginning to shake slightly. Despite your best efforts, you feel tears begin to sting at your eyes. You try to disguise this by tilting your head up and praying that they'll suck back in.\n\nShe suggests that you two get out of there, and you feel mortified. She offers to go back to your apartment with you, but the two of you end up talking in her car for two hours as the words just pour forth from you.\n\nAmanda seems unsure of what to say at times, but she listens and rubs your back as you sob and talk. She asks if you've gone to a doctor about this, and you admit that you haven't. She mentions that her mother is seeing a very good therapist in town, and offers to ask her about it. \n\nYou're not thrilled about the idea of going to a therapist and even less thrilled that Amanda might be telling someone about your problems, but she persists and tells you she'll email you the doctor's contact information later in the week.\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda = true>>\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>>\nYou look over at Alex, who hasn't noticed you watching her yet, and your feel a strong appreciation for her swell deep in your chest. As the flashing lights of the TV flicker across her eyes, you gently touch the side of her face, getting her attention. \n\n//"Hey. I just wanted to say... Thanks for this. I know it's a bit more boring than your usual Friday nights, and I appreciate you having downtime with me."//\n\nAlex smiles and cuddles up against you a bit closer than she already was. \n\n//"You don't have to thank me for spending time with you, silly. I like this."// she replies, her usual response to when you thank her for the simple things you cherish. \n\nYou close your eyes and rest your head against hers after taking her hand, feeling a bit more reassured and thankful for hearing it out loud. The undercurrent of insecurity in your head is temporarily alleviated through the simple act of reaffirming your bond, and you have a peaceful night with your loved one.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I'm sorry, I just can't right now. I hope you find a good home for her."//\n\nYou sit through a few more sales pitch statements that border on guilt trips and rebut them with fabricated excuses about your landlord not allowing pets before your coworker gives up, and thanks you anyway. You wish him luck in finding a home for her, and as you hang up you feel pangs of guilt as you imagine him having to put her in a shelter. You wonder if the chance of the kitten ending up in a shelter was worse than the chance of you being unable to care for an animal, and you feel pretty awful about yourself regardless. \n\nYour apartment's emptiness feels a lot more palpable suddenly, and you wonder if you could've pulled it off. You consider getting a pet in the future after more careful consideration and preparation. \n\nThe next day at work, you run into your coworker and breathe a sigh of relief as he informs you that he was able to find a good home for the kitten.\n\n//"She's probably way better off than she would be with me."//, you think.\n\n[[Next.|couchPotato]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 8>>The time for your appointment has rolled around, but you can't find the energy to go. //Therapy is for people with actual problems//, you think. //I'm pretty tired anyway... I have a lot of work I can get done if I stay home instead...// Your mind comes up with reason after reason to dissuade you from going, and you eventually talk yourself out of showing up.<<else>>The day of your first appointment is here, and the weight of it is crushing. Your mind fixates on how everything will go wrong, how you're not even sure what you would say or do when asked to talk about your problems, or how the therapist will probably not even like you. You lay in bed, feeling paralyzed by these thoughts, and you're unable to snap yourself out of it.<<endif>>\n\nThe rest of the day comes and goes while you try to keep yourself distracted. You alternate between feeling guilty for not going and wasting the therapist's time and beating yourself up for failing at yet another thing. At points in the day, you know you //should// have gone, and are baffled by why you couldn't force yourself to keep the appointment. You use this as another reason to beat yourself up.\n\nAn hour after you were scheduled to be at your appointment, your phone rings. \n\nYou mute your phone and ignore the voicemail.\n\n[[Next.|workSucks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation gte 16>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $alexKnows = true>>\n\nYou feel like a jerk for accidentally waking her up, but you're afraid if you put this off any longer that you won't find the strength to tell her everything later. \n\n//"No, actually. Everything isn't ok. Can I tell you something? Something important?"//\n\nAlex sits up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. For the rest of the night you lay side by side, holding hands, as you tell her everything. You tell her how it's more than just feeling sad sometimes, how you feel trapped by your own mind sometimes, how sometimes you feel nothing at all, and how you can't shake it off. <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You tell her how you've started going to therapy, how you feel embarrassed about it, and how it's working out for you.<<endif>>She listens the entire time, occasionally asking questions about how this or that works, or asking you to explain something further. She squeezes your hand and tells you she understands, and that she's sad you didn't tell her sooner.\n\nAfter laying silent for a moment, the weight of what you did hits you. You desperately want her to say something, to tell you how she's feeling about all of this but you're too afraid of what the answer would be to ask. You start convincing yourself that now that she knows everything, she's going to leave. There's no way someone could deal with how you really are. \n\n//"So how can I help? What do you need me to do?// she asks. \n\nYou think for a second, and the answer you come up with fills you with despair. //"I honestly don't know. I wish I knew how to fix this, but I don't know that you can do anything. I think it's something I just have to live with."//\n\nShe looks at you with sad eyes before kissing you on the forehead. //"Then I'll live with it with you."//\n\n//"I don't know how you could possibly love me."// \n\nShe rolls over and wraps her arms around your neck, settling her head on top of yours. //"You don't need to. Just know that I do."//\n\n[[Next.|stayingatHome]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at her standing, barely lit, and notice there's a few candles scattered around the apartment. It occurs to you that she has tried to make this night special for the two of you. Even though you have a tight knot of antisocial frustration in your stomach, seeing how much she cares makes you want to try to melt it away so you can show her how much you care that she's gone through all this trouble. However, you desperately need to shift gears first before that's even possible.\n\n//"You look amazing. Let's have a drink together."// you suggest, hoping that this will give you the push you need to get into the mood. \n\nYou go into the kitchen and pour the two of you drinks, trying to focus on letting go of your bad mood. You sit down on the couch next to her, and she cuddles up to you instantly. \n\n//"What should we toast to?"// she asks as she takes her drink.\n\nYou think for a moment. Passing up the cheesy "to us" option, you say what's on your mind: letting go of your bad day.\n\n//"To tonight."//\n\nThe two of you cheers, and you ask her about her day. Conversation turns flirtatious, and the two of you find yourselves in the bedroom shortly after.<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $on_Meds eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\n\nYou find that you're having trouble getting into things physically with her, and remember that diminished arousal was a possible side effect of your medication. You'd hoped that you were part of the population that wouldn't be affected by it, but it seems as though this was not the case. However, you're able to still enjoy the closeness with Alex, and fall asleep together happily.<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAlex sighs. //"Look, if that were the case I would let you know. I don't think you're boring. You're more of a homebody than I am. I'm learning how to deal with that."//\n\n//"Deal with it?"// you think, repeating it in your mind. Does she see you as a problem to be dealt with? You try to pick her reply apart in your mind, and all of your conclusions lead to your previous worry - that you're holding her back. You begin thinking that the phrasing was chosen without too much deliberation, and that despite her attempts at reassuring you, this slip of the tongue revealed her true feelings. \n\nAs you picture how much fun she would be having right now if you had only accepted her invitation and managed to somehow get over your reservations and anxieties (despite not knowing how you would go about that), she cuddles back up to you. \n\n//"Thanks for putting up with me,"// you say, staring at the TV without actually watching it.\n\nShe sighs in response.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

It's a dry fall morning.\n\nYou grab your morning coffee and sit down at your desk to check your email. A new message pops up in your inbox almost as soon as you do. It's from Amanda, and seeing her name in your inbox brings back a vivid memory of your meeting in the cafe and how embarrassed you felt.\n\n//Subj: Hey buddy\nBody: Hey. Sorry it's been a few weeks. I meant to get this to you sooner, but it took a while for me to get a hold of my folks back home. Dad told me to say hi by the way. \n\nAnyway, I'm going to be in town again this Friday and was wondering if you'd like to hang out again, if you weren't too busy. \n\nLet me know!\n\n- A//\n\nYou're still a little embarrassed about how things went last time, but you do genuinely like Amanda and she's one of your oldest friends. You have no other plans this Friday.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Get back to her immediately and tell her you'd be happy to see her.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 8>>[[2. Make plans regardless of your embarrassment.|makePlans]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Make plans regardless of your embarrassment. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 6>>[[3. Apologize for "being weird" last time and make plans with her.|apologizeforExisting]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3. Apologize for "being weird" last time and make plans with her. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4. Tell her you're busy and apologize. You're just not feeling up to it.|feelWeird]]\n\n

You feel a bad episode coming on and have the opportunity to veer out of harm's way if your motivation is high enough

This ends up helping.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou boot up your computer and navigate to the local craigslist. You sift through a myriad of legitimate postings, clear pyramid scams, and the occasional miscategorized random personal ad. You look through the section that is in line with your current job, and start feeling a bit of despair. Would things really be any different if you were simply doing the same thing somewhere else? \n\nYou email your resume to a few of the postings after coming up with a cover letter that you could use for a variety of things. After you've exhausted the postings for the last few days, you head back to the main page. There's a section that's more in line with the project you've been doing, though it's a highly competitive creative field that you don't feel remotely qualified for. \n\nDespite that, you click on the section. Scrolling through the postings, you daydream about actually holding a position where you would get to do something more meaningful. Despite feeling completely intimidated by the requirements, you find a listing you actually want to apply for. You spend an hour crafting a really personal cover letter and really giving your all to the task, and nervously send off the email. \n\nYou're rather convinced you'll never hear back from any of these places, but the act of trying to change your situation instead of stewing on it actually feels quite freeing. You find yourself trying to stifle the hope that you end up getting the creative job, but it still manages to bubble up anyway.\n\n[[Next.|beThere]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http:://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou're already at your stress limit, and you don't feel like you should be taking on more. He's an amazing friend, but you're terrified that you'll end up getting fired if you don't get this done on time. Better that he thinks you're not there than just too busy for him right now, you think. You doubt your ability to be much use to him anyway.\n\nYou close everything else on your computer outside of your work project in an effort to refocus your attempts to get the job done, but you still feel like you're hitting a brick wall. Regardless of how hard you try to force yourself, you keep getting completely burnt out. You go from feeling like a complete fuckup to feeling nothing at all as you stare blankly at your screen unable to make progress. \n\n//"This is going nowhere. I just need to sleep."// You set your alarm to go off a few hours before work with the idea that you'll come back to it then, and you go to bed early.\n\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>[[Next.|totalDumbass]]<<else>>[[Next.|tellThem]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset4.gif"></center></html>\n\n<html><a href="http://www.beesgo.biz">Zoe Quinn</a></html>: Writing, Coding, Game Design, Photography, Lead Insomniac. \n<html><a href="http://twitter.com/HanFreakinSolo">Patrick Lindsey</a></html>: Writing, Editing, Lead Grumbler.\n\nMusic/sound by <html><a href="http://isaacschankler.bandcamp.com/album/depression-quest">Isaac Schankler</a></html>\nIncludes samples from freesound.org:\n#5 from "people about their collections" by nooitgenoeg\n"bar atmosphere not so busy" by fogma\n"parisian cafe 02" by volivieri\n"typing" by jjastr1\n\nPiano layer based on "Ave Regina Caelorum" by Guillaume Dufay (1397-1474)\n\nSpecial Thanks:\n\nTom Smith, Sos Sosowski, Andy Moore, Patrick Dawson, Cameron Kunzelman, Kyle Baker, Edmund Lewry, Terry Cavanagh, Jonathan Wright, Martin Pilkington, Torbjørn G. Dahle, Ben Johnston, Michael Kwan, Gregory Kinneman, Nathan Grayson, Mary Augstkains, Scott Madin, Ichiro Lambe, Michel McBride-Charpentier, Cheryl Trooskin-Zoller, Phoebe Seiders, Caitlin Blank, Amanda Cosmos, Graham Davis, Ben Abraham, Tam Toucan, Johnicholas Hines, Ashton Raze, Brendan Keogh, Alan Williamson, Alex Androski, Matthew Duhamel, Deirdra Kiai, Danny O'Dwyer, Tom Whitaker, Jason Bakker, Ross Fowkes, Cha Holland, Ghostworks, Mitchell Sutton, Ryan S. Casey, George Shirai, Chris "Leddybear" Leddy, Edmund Adderly, David Carlton, Alex May, Cale Bradbury, Christine Love, Robin Ward, Rachel Helps, Kevin Slackie, Jon 'Meroka' Biggin, K. Adam White, Jason R. Nally, Amanda Williams, Gary Szuslik Jr., Dustin Astarita, Alex Koti, Lew Civ, Aaron Michael Kearns, Ian Cheong, Joakim Sandberg, Kylie Szymesko, and Christopher Juriansz for their amazing support during a really difficult time. This game would have been dead in the water months ago without you all. \n\nTerence Wiggins for his help with trailer ideas, blanket forts, and depression valentines. \n\nBarton Mothersill for being the internet friend one of us needed to get through some dark times.\n\nAnd you, for being willing to play games that are meant to be something other than simply "fun".\n\n<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="www.beesgo.biz/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou take your beer and shift through the crowd until you arrive at Alex's room. The room is actually empty of other partygoers, and you sit on her bed as you set your bag down.\n\nThankful for the personal space and feeling a lot less claustrophobic, you mess around on your phone while you sip your beer. You keep telling yourself you'll go back out in 5 more minutes, but every time the time rolls around to go back out you feel the panic creep in, and you stay rooted to this spot. You figure no one here knows you anyway, so it's unlikely that you'll be missed.\n\nA few minutes later, Alex comes into the room. \n\n//"Oh there you are. I was wondering where you'd gone off to. Figured I might find you here."//\n\nShe sits down on the bed next to you, buzzed enough to be slurring slightly. \n\n//"I'm really glad you turned up tonight. To be honest, I really didn't think you'd show. It's really cool you did. Really."//\n\nYou know she meant it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Do you think something's wrong with me?"//\n\nYou start to feel incredibly insecure as the realization creeps over you. Something you had said in your conversation made it seem like you were defective to her, and you find yourself feeling incredibly exposed.\n\nAmanda pulls away and apologizes profusely. //"Oh no I didn't mean anything by that... I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."//\n\nYou apologize as well, and say that it's probably because you haven't been sleeping well.\n\nShe tries to steer the conversation to one of mutual interest while you're still feeling incredibly embarrassed and vulnerable. You find it hard to focus on what she's actually saying, because you're busy analyzing your behavior in your own head while making small talk.\n\nThe awkward undertone remains, and the outing ends soon after that.\n\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou sit in the driver's seat of your car for several minutes trying to decide what to do. You think of all the help that this could allegedly offer you, and worry desperately about disappointing Amanda if you don't go. Yet at the same time the utter fear of having to talk to a complete stranger about these things is paralyzing. \n\nYou worry about sounding whiny and melodramatic, or that the therapist will be mean or that she won't understand what you're trying to say. You worry that people will find out and that you'll be seen as defective somehow. You sit in the driver's seat of your car for several minutes trying to decide what to do. While you are terrified of seeming melodramatic or defective, more than anything else you're terrified of disappointing Amanda and //not// going. \n\n<<if $motivation gte 6>>While you still aren't sure if her concern is genuine or not, she still took time out to send you this information, and the thought of her accepting disappointment, the look on her sad but knowing face that you've seen in too many others before is, itself, motivation enough for you. You start your car and drive to the therapist's office.<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>>\n\n[[Next.|gotoTherapy]]<<else>>These thoughts overwhelm you, and your hand feels too heavy to move. No matter how much of you screams //Turn the key. Do this for yourself//, the parts that tell you how pointless it is and how little it matters drown it out. Nothing in you is able to move forward on this, and you go back inside in spite of yourself.\n\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset3.gif"></center></html>\n\nWhile you certainly can't say that things over the past few months have been easy, you're almost ready to let yourself believe that the worst parts are behind you. It may be difficult to see past your self loathing on most days, but even so sometimes you can't help but notice that things do seem to be getting better. \n\nOne of the more difficult challenges you find yourself having to face on a daily basis is your job. In spite of your attempts at positive thinking<<if $in_Therapy eq true>> and other cognitive behavioral techniques Dr. Melville taught you<<endif>>, the prospect of going into work every morning still fills you with dread and ennui. Fortunately, you've been able to contain these feelings for the most part, and at least you've been managing your attendance and keeping your job performance up enough that you aren't making things worse by getting into trouble with your boss. Your employment situation may be far from ideal, but for now you're content to punch the clock and collect your paycheck. On some evenings when you've been feeling particularly motivated, you've even caught yourself hunting through online classifieds and bookmarking some new jobs that look interesting. Who knows - you may not be far from taking a leap and trying for something new.\n\nIt's been some time since you've hung out with any of your friends in earnest, and now that you feel like you're coming out of the woods you're beginning to feel self-conscious about having alienated them over the past little while. You realize that much of your flakiness and subsequent withdrawal was largely a result of trying to hide from them out of embarrassment. The notion of trusting people with your vulnerabilities is very frightening to you, and in your self-loathing you realize that your behavior did cut them out. Though it will take a huge leap of faith on your part, you resolve to repair your social relationships. You've started sending out casual messages to some of your friends asking to hang out, and for the most part the responses have been more encouraging than you were expecting. \n\nThings with Alex were quite tense for a while. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>After your conversation with her, she really did seem to be taking a more active role in helping to understand your situation.<<else>>Though you never had the courage to outright talk to her about what you were going through, she always made her best effort to be as supportive a partner as possible.<<endif>> Even so, the past few months tested the limits of your relationship to the limit. <<if $significant_Other eq true>>Ultimately, you were able to take her advice and step outside of your own head more and more. It was a difficult thing for you to do; your defense mechanisms ran so deeply that oftentimes you weren't even aware of them, but you let yourself trust her as your partner and your relationship has become much stronger for the experience.<<else>>Despite Alex's genuine effort, you ultimately found it too difficult to be able to step outside your own head enough to let yourself actually try and work through things together, and she eventually decided she couldn't be with someone who "loved being miserable more than she loved her." Her loss hit you hard and snapped you into reality; you've been taking her advice and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone lately. The two of you recently went out for coffee for the first time since the split, and while your future is uncertain, she did seem genuinely happy that you're doing better now.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $inTherapy eq true>>Dr. Melville seems optimistic about your progress, and <<if $onMeds eq true>>the medication seems to be helping (or at least not hurting), so <<endif>>you've resolved to stick with it, at least for now.<<endif>>\n\nDespite all the clear progress you've made lately, you still carry the weight of your insecurities practically everywhere with you, and you even have some days still where you can't do much at all. On these days, it's very tempting for you to slip back into older, unhealthy habits, but much to your own surprise, you've so far managed to avoid a major backslide. You know that you have a long way to go before you can feel like your life isn't spinning totally out of control, and even when you do you'll never //ever// be rid of your depression completely, but you have a strong support network and for the first time you can remember you're actually feeling optimistic. \n\n//"Things are alright, mom// you tell her. While you see her mouth tighten in worry, her eyes soften when she sees you smiling.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt is early on a Wednesday morning. \n\nLately you've developed a nasty habit of waking up 10 - 20 minutes //before// your alarm rings, and unfortunately today is no exception. You lay in bed, each minute ticking closer and closer to "wake up time" and passing on a swelling wave of ever-encroaching dread.\n\nSooner than you would like, your alarm blares with caustic inevitability. You frantically pound the snooze button and then retreat under your blankets, as if the warmth of your comforter can shield you from the passage of time. \n\nYou almost always have difficulty rising from bed, but today that simple task seems nothing short of herculean. After several snooze cycles, you decide that you just can't deal with work today; you're incapable of even rousing yourself from bed, let alone going into work and having to force yourself through a work day. Not to mention, you've "snoozed" so many times that it would be impossible to make it in on time now anyways. \n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Hop out of bed and start getting ready for work. You'll be late, but it's better than not going in at all.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>[[2: Head into work. At least you can leave early if it gets too unbearable.|gotoWork]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Head into work. At least you can leave early if it gets too unbearable.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Call your boss to tell him you're sick and won't be in today.|callinSick]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

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<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a cold Saturday afternoon. \n\nYou've just arrived at Alex's apartment, and you're happy to finally see her after a week of absence due to your schedules not lining up due to work and school. You hug her in the doorway but she breaks away sooner than normal and sits down on the couch as you take off your sneakers and lay them in the usual place, right next to hers.\n\n//"There's something I was hoping we could talk about, actually."// She says.\n<<if $partnerHP gte 3>>\nYou instantly worry that you're being blind sided by a break up conversation due to the sudden shift in tone, but she quickly smiles and puts you at ease once she sees all of the color leave your face.\n\n//"It's nothing bad! I promise!"// With that she leads you over to the couch and sits on the other end of it, facing you. \n\n//"So. I hope this doesn't freak you out, and if you feel like things are going too fast just tell me."// She talks faster than usual and fidgets. //"We seem to have a lot of weeks like this and they really suck. I was thinking I'd ask, since things are so strong with us, what are your thoughts on maybe moving in together?"//\n\nIt takes a few seconds to sink in, and leaves you a bit shocked when it does. You were worried she wanted to spend less time with you, not more. \n\n//"Do you want to?"// you ask.\n\n//"Well... yeah, I do. I mean, we'd have to sort out logistics and everything but those are all things we can take care of."// \n\nYou start to walk through the steps of imagining the two of you living together. You love the thought of being able to wake up next to her every day and seeing her so often. However the more you picture it, the more a few concerns become apparent. There are things she is insulated from, like the days you don't feel like you can even get out of bed, <<if $on_Meds eq true>>the nights your medication keeps you from being able to sleep,<<else>>the frequent nights you're unable to shut your brain up long enough to sleep,<<endif>> all of those moments you're stuck staring at the wall, completely out of energy and feeling nothing. How would she handle that? How quickly would she want to get away? \n\n//"So,"// she starts, //"What do you think?"//\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Take your relationship to the next step with ease. Move in together.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 8>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell her you want to but have concerns, and discuss them honestly</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Tell her you want to but have concerns, and discuss them honestly.|totalHonesty]]<<endif>>\n[[2. Tell her you don't think it's a good idea for you right now.|dontmoveIn]]\n[[3. Decide to move in regardless of your worries.|moveinBlindly]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $partnerHP eq 2>>You feel anxious at hearing those words, and move to take a seat on the couch. Your heart starts to race - is this one of those "we need to talk" situations? Has she finally had enough of your baggage? Did the week apart make her realize how much better things are without you?\n\nShe sits down across from you on the couch, and you can tell by the look on her face that she isn't looking forward to saying what she's about to, and you feel your grip tighten on the couch cushion.\n\n//"So..."// She starts. She breaks eye contact and takes a deep breath, which spikes your anxiety. //"Things with us have felt kind of... weird lately. It's like you've been really distant, and I'm not sure how to take it."//\n\n//"I guess I just want to make sure you still wanna do this. Us, I mean."//<<if $alexKnows eq true>>\n\nShe notices you gripping the couch. //"I mean, I know you have... difficulties, with your situation I mean... I just..."// She looks at your face, seemingly searching. //"I don't know how much has to do with it, or if it has to do with me, or..."//<<endif>>\n\n//"I just want to know where we stand."// She looks at you with uncertainty and you can practically see the knot of pain in her chest.\n\nYou try to reign in your kneejerk reaction to run. Unsure of what to say to that, your mind races. You know you have to choose your next words carefully. Though the self deprecation rages in your mind, you try to think through it. You try to sort out what you really want to do here. A myriad of feelings is boiling inside you - which one do you do you listen to?\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Recommit to your relationship with ease and grow closer for the experience.</font></del></html>\n[[2: End things for her own good. You're clearly not making her happy.|notgoodenoughforHer]]\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.|cantdothisNow]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>4: You still want this. Reassure her that you are committed to working through things.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[4: You still want this. Reassure her that you are committed to working through things.|genuinelyreassureHer]]<<endif>>\n[[5: You still want this. Say whatever you can to make her stay, regardless of your concerns.|hideyourFeelings]]\n[[6: Yes, there has been distance. Attempt to solve it by asking her to move in.|blindlymoveIn]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $partnerHP lte 1>>You feel anxious at hearing those words, and move to take a seat on the couch. Your heart starts to race - is this one of those "we need to talk" situations? Has she finally had enough of your baggage? Did the week apart make her realize how much better things are without you?\n\nShe sits down across from you on the couch, and you can tell by the look on her face that she isn't looking forward to saying what she's about to, and you feel your grip tighten on the couch cushion.\n\n//"So..."// She starts. She breaks eye contact and takes a deep breath, which spikes your anxiety. //"Things with us have felt kind of... weird lately. It's like you've been really distant, and I don't feel connected to you like I used to."//\n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>\n\nShe starts to tear up. //"I mean, I know you have... difficulties, with your situation I mean... I just..."// Her voice cracks. //"I wish I could be ok with everything, I wish I could help you through it all, but I don't know that I can..."//\n\n//"I feel like such a monster... But I don't think this is working anymore..."//<<else>>\n\nShe starts to tear up. //"I mean, I don't know what's going on with you... I barely feel connected to you anymore... It's like when you're here, you're not really *here*. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't make you happy!"//\n\n//"It's killing me to say this but..."// Her voice cracks. //"I don't think I can do this anymore..."//<<endif>>\n\nYou try to reign in your kneejerk reaction to run. Unsure of what to say to that, your mind races. You know you have to choose your next words carefully. Though the self deprecation rages in your mind, you try to think through it. You try to sort out what you really want to do here. A myriad of feelings is boiling inside you - which one do you listen to?\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Sway her opinion and come back from this as a couple, stronger than ever.</font></del></html>\n[[2: End this. You're not making her happy.|notgoodenoughforHer]]\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.</font></del></html><<else>>[[3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.|cantdothisNow]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>4: Tell her you're dealing with a lot right now and ask her to stay while you figure it out.</font></del></html><<else>>[[4: Tell her you're dealing with a lot right now and ask her to stay while you figure it out.|pleasedontGo]]<<endif>>\n[[5: Tell her she's wrong about things. You can still make this work.|youreWrong]]\n[[6: Invite her to move in with you to solve the distance issue.|blindlymoveIn]]\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda = true>><<if $shotdownbyMom eq true>>Though it didn't go so well when you tried to talk to your mother,<<else>>Though you find it hard to lay out how you're feeling lately to other people,<<endif>> you decide to test the waters on opening up to Amanda. She's always been easy to talk to, and you feel like it's possible that she might be understanding of what's been going on with you even if you think it doesn't make sense sometimes.\n\nYou begin to dance around the subject, dipping your toe into the pool to test the water. Surprisingly, she catches on quickly and is even able to guess what you may say next. She asks the right questions, leading you to elaborate on your emotional state. You apologize profusely the entire time, feeling like you're being obnoxious but she reassures you that you aren't burdening her. \n\nAmanda reveals to you that her mother suffers from clinical depression, and that she has spent many nights talking her through very similar feelings. She mentions that therapy and medication have helped her tremendously, and suggests you give it a try. You fight it and feel somewhat like a charity case, but she tells you that she'll get the number of her mother's therapist and email it to you as soon as she can. \n\nAfterward, conversation drifts back to small talk and shared hobbies, and you spend a pleasant afternoon together. For the rest of the day you find yourself wondering if therapy or medication can really help you, if you have an illness or are simply complaining too much, and remember horror stories you've heard about antidepressants. \n\nYou're not sure about what you'll do if she remembers to email you the number for the therapist, and you secretly hope that she'll forget about it so you can avoid dealing with it at all.\n\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou're feeling like you've hit a brick wall with your task, so why not take a break and help out a friend? \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Hey. What's up?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh good you're there</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: um</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i just found out i got cheated on</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i don't know what to do</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Oh no, that's horrible!</font></html>\n\nThe two of you talk for a long time, and you lend a shoulder to your friend. You give him space to rant, to cry, and most importantly to be able to voice his inner turmoil. You give him your full attention, and talk him through what his options are for what he does next. You keep him from doing something rash, and the two of you decide it's best for him to sleep on it before doing anything. Exhausted, he departs for bed and thanks you for being there to talk with him.\n\nAs you close the IM window, you feel horribly sorry for your friend, but happy that you were able to help. It serves as a tangible reminder to you that you're capable of being useful to someone instead of solely being a mess that needs everyone else's help.\n\nYou boot up your work project and find that you're suddenly able to get some solid progress done on it that night.\n\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>[[Next.|totalDumbass]]<<else>>[[Next.|tellThem]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. You can't help but feel like you've let her down, and you want to answer for it. You desperately want this relationship to continue, to be stronger. It's one of the few good things in your life, and you feel like you owe her so much for helping you as much as she has. Owning up to your failings is hard, but you push through your insecurities for her.\n\n//"You're right. You're absolutely right."// you say. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>\n\n//"A lot of it has to do with my depression. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to be a good partner to you while struggling with my illness."// you take her hand, squeezing it. //"That's not an excuse, I know. I'm trying to figure this out as I go."//<<else>>\n\n//"I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with sometimes. Hell, I have trouble dealing with myself a lot of the time. Sometimes I get so wrapped up with that that I end up being a bad partner. And I am so sorry for that."// you take her hand, squeezing it. //"That's not meant to be an excuse. I just want to figure this thing out, together."//<<endif>>\n\nThe two of you talk about it further, and you apologize for letting her down. She listens, and you both talk about your feelings. You end up discussing ways that the two of you can be better at being there for one another, and the conversation ends up being a very positive thing for your relationship. \n\n//"So... are we ok?"// you ask, a while later.\n\nShe smiles at you. //"Yeah. Yeah, we are."//\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh okay!</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: let's find you a doctor then :)</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: just remember</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: there's nothing wrong with having depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you wouldn't be ashamed to have bronchitis or something</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: so there's no reason to be ashamed if it's your brain that's sick instead</font></html>\n\nYou google around with Attic and after a bit of searching you find a doctor that has gotten really good reviews.<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>> You recognize the number as the same one that Amanda had emailed you a few weeks back and feel a bit ashamed for failing to do this sooner.<<endif>> You make a note of it, and tell Attic you plan on calling her in the morning before work. \n\nYou end up going to bed after that, with a slight sense of accomplishment.<<if $cat eq true>> Your kitten pads over and curls up at your feet<<else>> You tuck yourself into bed<<endif>>, with the thought of maybe feeling better soon on your mind. You try not to get your hopes up as you drift off to sleep.\n\n[[Next.|therapy2]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou read through Amanda's e-mail two or three times, then sit and stare at your computer for a while. While the memory of that uncomfortable conversation makes you feel newly embarrassed and self-conscious, part of you is also encouraged by the fact that she cared enough to get back to you at all.\n\nSitting in front of your computer, you start to question things like whether or not Amanda sent you this number out of pity, or perhaps some sense of obligation after having listened to you. You question her motives and the validity of her concern, and whether or not you think seeing a therapist would even be helpful.\n\nYet almost unconsciously, you reach for your phone and before you realize what's happening, you're listening to the therapist's line ring. Before you can bring yourself to hang up, you're listening to the slightly clinical but not unpleasant voice of the receptionist ask how she can help you. \n\n//Uh, I...I'd like to make an appointment with the...the doctor,// you manage to stammer out.\n\nThe conversation is quick and not nearly as unpleasant as you were fearing, and quicker than you can say "Freudian slip" you've scheduled an appointment.\n\nQuicker than you realize, Appointment Day rolls around.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Go to the therapist's office.</font></del></html>\n[[2: Head to the therapist's office, even though you're totally unsure of what to expect.|gotoTherapy]]\n[[3: Sit in your car, terrified, and try and talk yourself into/out of going.|sitinCar]]\n[[4: Just the thought of going to your appointment ties your stomach in knots. You crawl back into bed.|skipAppt]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>You look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. It's an expression you're not unfamiliar with, it's one you've seen flash across her face many times during your time together. You can't help but feel like you've let her down, like you're a weight around her ankle. You're hit by this overpowering feeling of failure - you're supposed to be her partner, an uplifting influence on her life, not dragging her down to where you are.\n\nYou think about the future - where is this going anyway? You're not sure you could ever be what she needs. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you the closer you get.<<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she doesn't fully know about your condition or how low you get. You feel as though if she were to have to deal with it more and more, to know about it first hand as you get closer, there is no possible way that she would want to stay with you.<<endif>>\n\n//"I..."// you start to speak but the words choke in your throat. None of this feels real. \n\n//"I think we should break up..."// the words feel foreign as you speak them, as if they were a collection of sounds rather than the death knell for your relationship. \n\nSoon enough, both of you are in tears as you talk through it. You're both devastated, but settle on breaking up. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> It's going to take you a long time to get over her, but in the moments that you feel a brief clarity of mind, you take a small comfort in hoping that she can find someone who is better for her now.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I don't...// you start, unsure of how to phrase how you're feeling in a way that doesn't hurt her. \n\nEven at those two words, her face is falling. //"Right... this is sudden..."// she says, clutching the top of her robe closed. \n\n//"No, no, it's not you I-"//\n\nShe cuts you off. //"It's not you, it's me, right? It's ok, I get it..."// She moves to her bookshelf and blows out some candles you had failed to notice. //"It was cheesy anyway."//\n\nThe hurt in her voice cuts you down to your core. You can tell she feels rejected by you, and everything feels like it's happening so quickly and slipping through your fingers. You wish you were telepathic and could let her know exactly how you feel about her, so that she wouldn't be wounded by your own mood.\n\n//"This was all really nice, I just have had a hard day and-"// you stammer, but she leaves the room and you hear the bedroom door close. Unsure of what else to do, you sit down on her couch to wait for her to return.\n\nYou feel terrible for hurting her, when she clearly meant nothing but good. Although you didn't want to have sex with her right this moment, you are beating yourself up for handling it so poorly. Why couldn't you find the right words to let her down gently, without her thinking that she had done something wrong? Why do you have to be such a shitty partner?\n\nShe emerges from her room, now dressed. Her eyes are red, but you can tell she is trying to not show that she was crying.\n\n//"I uh... I actually have to do a lot of coursework... So maybe you should head home. This was kind of a dumb idea anyway. Sorry."//\n\n//"Okay..."// you mutter, not wanting to make things worse. \n\nA couple of seconds of silence pass as neither of you are sure of what to say from there. You leave with a quick goodbye, and curse yourself the entire way home.\n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a sunny Saturday afternoon.\n\nYou're in deep thought on the way home from therapy. However you notice this time that you're not in the same negative feedback loops you usually get trapped in when being this introspective. You realize that, although you still have your bad days, your lows aren't quite as low as they used to be. \n\nYour antidepressant's bottle rolls across your dashboard as you take a left turn. You've been on this medication for quite a while now after a period of trying a few different kinds. Though you still have minor side effects, they've overall become an unnoticed part of your life. \n\nYou feel as if your life has generally changed for the better recently, and you begin to wonder if you need them anymore. You don't feel as much despair or hopelessness, and you hate yourself a lot less these days. \n\n//"Maybe it's time to stop taking these,"// you think, //"I seem to not really need them anymore."//\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[1. Continue taking your medication.|keepTaking]]\n[[2. Go off meds.|gooffMeds]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a glaringly sunny Monday, and one of the few days that your brother Malcolm is in town and free long enough for you two to actually see each other. \n\nYou have a dental appointment that day but you make plans for him to pick you up afterward.\n\nYour appointment takes a little longer than expected because your dentist tells you that you've started grinding your teeth in your sleep to a worrying degree. Given how nearly everything in your life has been feeling enormous and stressful lately, this doesn't come as a surprise to you. He suggests that you try to reduce your stress levels and fits you for a night guard. It feels awkward and too big for your mouth, and you feel embarrassed looking at your puffed out face in the mirror with it in. You finish up the appointment in a hurry and leave about a half an hour overdue for meeting your always punctual brother in the parking lot.\n\nYou finish up as quickly as possible and leave the building to scan the parking lot for your brother's car, but you don't see his old Civic anywhere. You pass by a blue Camero and jump as it beeps at you, causing you to jump in surprise. It takes you a moment for to realize it, but it's Malcolm in the driver's seat. \n\nYou hop in the passengers seat and compliment him on his new ride and he mentions that it's a perk of a promotion he's recently obtained at work. He starts telling you about how much more money he's making, how his career is really taking off, and how he's starting to look at houses with his wife soon. \n\nYou clutch the bag containing the night guard in your hand and feel yourself clench your teeth as you think of your crummy apartment and how long it's been since you've been able to take a day off work without having to worry about making ends meet. He's only 2 years older than you, but it feels like he's eons ahead of you in every other aspect of your lives.\n\n//"So..."// he asks, //"How did your appointment go? Did you get drilled full of holes or what?"//\n\nA sense of shame creeps over you.\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Laugh about your dorky night guard with your brother.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell him about the night guard and why you need it.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: Tell him about the night guard and why you need it.|resolution3]]<<endif>>\n[[3: (Lie) Tell him it was a routine cleaning.|resolution1]]\n[[4: Tell him about your tooth grinding problem, but not the stress causing it.|resolution2]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

Zoe Quinn & Patrick Lindsey

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nWhen you wake up the next morning, short of feeling well rested you actually feel //more// stressed out. While it was definitely nice to get a break from work, you're now faced with a new problem you hadn't considered before: you still have to go to work today. While you aren't having the same problems physically getting out of bed you were having yesterday, the prospect of having to face your boss after missing a day of work does not seem appealing in the slightest.\n\nYou worry that your absence won't be seen as believable or legitimate, that your coworkers and boss will think you were just trying to half-assedly play hooky. Or worse, you fear that someone will actually ask you what's //wrong.// Being caught in that instance and having to either make up a half-baked excuse or worse, that they'll see right through you and //know//, quickly has your mood matching the drizzly weather outside. You know that you have to go into work, but your fear of being perceived as either lazy or defective is making you regret yesterday's decision to take the day off, and ultimately you feel worse for it.\n\n[[Next.|sleeplessNight]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou've never been a fan of cats. You feel like they all hate you, and you figure you have enough hate coming from your own inner monologues already. \n\n//"I'm sorry, I just can't right now. I hope you find a good home for her."//\n\nYou sit through a few more sales pitch statements that border on guilt trips and rebut them with fabricated excuses about your landlord not allowing pets before your coworker gives up, and thanks you anyway. You wish him luck in finding a home for her, and as you hang up you feel pangs of guilt as you imagine him having to put her in a shelter. \n\nThe next day at work, you run into your coworker and breathe a sigh of relief as he informs you that he was able to find a good home for the kitten.\n\n[[Next.|couchPotato]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

//this messes up your therapy's effectiveness.//\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIn spite of the fact that your body is actively fighting you literally every step of the way, you somehow manage to drag yourself out of bed and make your way into work. Surprisingly, you end up only being about 5 minutes late and nobody seems to notice or care.\n\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>Though when you woke up the simple act of being even physically present at your job seemed like an impossibility, you are surprised at your own ability to push on through the day. While you are far from enjoying, or indeed even really //coping// with the dullness of your job today, you seem to have slipped into a trance-like state of automation and time is nevertheless passing. Eventually the end of the day rolls around, and you head home, utterly exhausted but at the same time almost proud of yourself for having stuck it out. <<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>>\n\n[[Next.|sleeplessNight]]<<else>>You find it hard to shake the ennui you woke up with, and as your morning passes you can physically //feel// your focus draining away. You find yourself spending most of your time absently staring at the clock, trying to will the time to pass more quickly, but this only has the effect of draining you even more. The thought that you should have just stayed home today invades your brain with increasing frequency, until it dominates your thought, cycling over and over again in your head like a mantra. When lunch time finally arrives, you pull your boss aside and tell him you're not feeling well and that you need to leave. You can tell he's less than thrilled, but lets you go anyway.\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\n[[Next.|thenextDay]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's yet another sleepless Thursday night.\n\nYou're at Alex's apartment, wide awake in bed as she's sleeping peacefully beside you. She fell asleep hours ago, and you've been laying here unable to shut your brain up long enough to fall asleep. You've added the feelings of insecurity about your relationship to the rest of the noise in your head keeping you up tonight.\n\nIt was kind of a tense night between the two of you. You arrived after a stressful day at work, and as you made dinner together you barely said a word. You were stuck in your own head and had a hard time really being present with her as your thoughts turned to all of the ways you feel like you're deficient at being a good person and beating yourself up mentally for each one. \n\nShe told you she could tell you were in "one of your moods" and said that she wouldn't push you, but missed talking to you as the two of you sat on the couch together. You wanted to tell her how much you love her, but you couldn't make the words come out right and ended up sounding defensive instead.\n\nAs you lay there next to her now, you trace your fingers across her arm just lightly enough to not wake her. You still haven't explained your depression to her<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>, or how you've started seeing a therapist<<endif>><<if $on_Meds eq true>>, or that you've been taking medication<<endif>>, and it's starting to feel more and more like a secret you're keeping instead of something she simply doesn't know about you yet. It's becoming more and more apparent that it's impacting your relationship with her, and you feel guilty about this. However you're also terrified that if she knew exactly how fucked up you are that she would leave you - you already worry that she's only with you because she doesn't realize how terrible of a person you are yet, and you're afraid that this would be the final thing to expose you.\n\nShe stirs in her sleep and squints as she opens her eyes. With the confusion that comes with waking up, she asks you if you're awake, and then if everything's ok.\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Open up to her with ease.</font></del></html>\n[[2: Tell her about your situation.|tellherEverything]]\n[[3: Tell her it's nothing and that she should go back to sleep.|itsfinestopAsking]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou're one of the few people you know of whose parents never got divorced, but you do wonder if they still love each other sometimes. \n\nYou have an older brother named Malcolm who has moved across the country with his wife to work a high paying job. Every major holiday that you see him at, you feel a bit jealous and like the lesser kid despite being genuinely happy to see him. You feel very ashamed of these feelings. \n\nYour parents genuinely care about you. This often involves inviting you back to your childhood home for dinner, though your mother thinks you never visit quite enough. But you get the impression they don't fully understand you. They want to see you succeed, and don't know why you haven't gone farther in life yet because you're "so smart and talented". Any time you've tried to talk to them about your motivation issues, they tell you that the solution is simply to work harder, or want it more. Your father is generally more forgiving of your lack of a career path, while your mother seems to think you're "too smart" to be in the position you're in. \n\nYou know they love you and that they're not bad people, but you really feel like a big disappointment sometimes.\n\n[[Back.|Next]]

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation gte 16>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you.<<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she doesn't know about your condition or how low you get. You feel that you have to tell her more details, no matter how gutwrenchingly hard it may be to admit to how awful you feel, in order for her to make an informed decision.<<endif>>\n\n//"Well, I'd like to, but I think it's best if we talk about it a bit more before committing to a decision."//\n\n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>Though she seems a little defeated, you make it clear that you're not making excuses and actually mean that you want to talk. You reiterate a lot of what you've told Alex that night, and although she gets a little defensive and tells you that she knows all of that already, she confirms that she is willing to help you sort through your issues.\n\n//"I feel like you forget I love you sometimes. I know that there will be bad days, and I'd rather try to work through them with you. We can figure all of this out. Together."//\n\nHer words sway you, and you can't help but hold her close to you.<<else>>Though she seems a little defeated at first, you make it clear that you're not making excuses and actually mean that you want to talk this out with her. \n\nIt's incredibly difficult for you to open up about this, but you take her hand and try to. You tell her how it's more than just feeling sad sometimes, how you feel trapped by your own mind sometimes, how sometimes you feel nothing at all, and how you can't shake it off. She listens the entire time, occasionally asking questions how this or that works, or asking you to explain something further. She squeezes your hand and tells you she understands, and that she's sad you didn't tell her sooner.\n\nAfter laying silent for a moment, the weight of what you did hits you. You desperately want her to say something, to tell you how she's feeling about all of this but you're too afraid of what the answer would be to ask. You start convincing yourself that now that she knows everything, she's going to leave. There's no way someone could deal with how you really are. \n\n//"So how can I help? What do you need me to do?// she asks. \n\nYou think for a second, and the answer you come up with fills you with despair. //"I honestly don't know. I wish I knew how to fix this, but I don't know that you can do anything. I think it's something I just have to live with."//\n\nShe looks at you with sad eyes before kissing you on the forehead. //"Then I'll live with it with you."//\n\n//"I don't know how you could possibly love me."// \n\nShe kisses your hand and looks in to your eyes. //"You don't need to. Just trust know that I do."//\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a rainy night.\n\nYou are hurrying through the rain to Alex's apartment at her behest. Though your pace is quick, the rain is steadily soaking up your pant legs as you traverse the town, and it's darkening your already poor mood. \n\nThe call came while you were at home after a day of dealing with abnormally frustrating people. You'd spent the afternoon trying to unwind and get some work on your project done. Alex called and interrupted one of your "try to make progress, get frustrated at not making progress, have a harder time making progress due to frustration, repeat" loops and you haven't fully shaken off the feelings of being annoyed with yourself from it yet. \n\nYou knock on her door, and on the third knock hear her voice call from further in the apartment to come on in. As you cross the threshold, dripping rainwater all the way, you notice that the lights are turned down very low in the apartment. You squint to navigate it as you clutch on to your damp umbrella, but end up hitting your shin on a side table, mumbling a profanity under your breath.\n\nYou barely make out Alex emerging from the hallway, clad in what looks to be a robe with the bare skin of her legs peering out underneath. \n\n"Why don't you come in and... warm up?" she asks in her designated, slightly cheesy, "sexy" voice.\n\nAfter a beat of silence, she states more naturally "My roommates are out of town this weekend so I thought it might be nice to have a little fun while they're away."\n\nYou appreciate her affection, but you're too wrapped up in your own negative feedback loops to be in the mood right now.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<<if $motivation gte 12>>[[1: Let go of your stress and be intimate with your girlfriend.|intimacy]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Let go of your stress and be intimate with your girlfriend.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 6>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try to unwind with her before getting physical.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Try to unwind with her before getting physical.|letsgetPhysicalPhysical]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 3>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Suggest you do something else instead.</font></del></html><<else>>[[3: Suggest you do something else instead.|tellhernoThanks]]<<endif>>\n[[4: Tell her you're not in the mood.|rejectHer]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAs Alex leaves, you are not quite sure what to do with yourself. Standing in the middle of the room leaves you feeling kind of exposed, and you don't feel ballsy enough to randomly approach any of the groups of people clustered together talking.\n\nYou head to a clear spot on the back wall, and lean against it. For some reason, this always feels a lot more secure. You scan the party for a familiar face or any sign of your partner, and come up with nothing. Not sure what else to do, and worrying that you must look creepy just standing there watching everyone, you take out your phone to busy yourself. \n\nTwenty semi-tedious games of //Bejeweled Blitz// later, your partner returns. You spend the rest of the night with Alex, occasionally being introduced to people, and nodding along with group conversations even if you don't participate that much.\n\nAt the end of the night, as you're falling asleep with your girlfriend in the crook of your arm, she thanks you again for coming. Half-drunk, she confides that she thought you were going to flake out, and was pleasantly surprised that you managed to come out. \n\nShe says it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

//Family Christmas. You have a quiet moment alone with your brother in your childhood house and you tell him how you are.//

<<silently>>\n<<set $motivation = 9>>\n<<set $malcolmKnows = false>>\n<<set $on_Meds = false>>\n<<set $in_Therapy = false>>\n<<set $significant_Other = true>>\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda = false>>\n<<set $partnerHP = 3>>\n<<set $shotdownbyMom = false>>\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda_2nd = false>>\n<<set $cat = false>>\n<<set $jobHP = 3>>\n<<set $friendHP = 3>>\n<<set $alexKnows = false>>\n<<set $talked_to_Internet = false>>\n<<set $movedIn = false>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\n<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/title.gif"></center></html>\n\n//Depression Quest// is a game that deals with living with depression in a very literal way. This game is not meant to be a fun or lighthearted experience. If you are currently suffering from the illness and are easily triggered, please be aware that this game uses stark depictions of people in very dark places. If you are suicidal, please stop playing this game and visit <html><a href="http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx">this link to talk to someone.</a></html> \n\nThe goal of this game is twofold: firstly, we want to illustrate as clearly as possible what depression is like, so that it may be better understood by people without depression. Hopefully this can be something to spread awareness and fight against the social stigma and misunderstandings that depression sufferers face. Secondly, our hope is that in presenting as real a simulation of depression as possible, other sufferers will come to know that they aren't alone, and hopefully derive some measure of comfort from that. \n\nIt goes without saying that because of the very nature of depression, it is experienced differently by every person who suffers from it. We aren't trying to say that this is the "best" or "most accurate" representation, merely that this is an amalgamation of the experiences of the developers and several people close to them. Many of the following encounters deal with issues such as therapy, medication, handling a love life, and reaching out to support networks. In reality, less than half of depression sufferers actually seek treatment, for reasons such as lack of money, perceived personal failing, or public stigma. These things were included in order to touch upon as broad a range as possible, since all these elements can be very important to sufferers of depression, though they will likely not be the experiences of most sufferers.\n\nIt's important to recognize that not everyone with depression is so lucky. Many people with the illness don't have a lot of the luxuries that we have in this game. We've written it this way so that we can focus specifically on the illness, which becomes more and more difficult to deal with as the person who has it is less and less well-off.\n\nFor that reason, a portion of the proceeds from this game will be donated to <html><a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetInvolved/Donate">The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline</a></html>. <html><a href="http://the-quinnspiracy.itch.io/depressionquest">Click here if you'd like to contribute.</a></html>\n\nThis game uses audio as part of it's gameplay. We encourage you to play with your sound on.\n\nThank you for playing.\n\n[[Begin.|Next]]

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou sit down at the computer and open your chat client. Attic is indeed online, and the two of you catch up briefly before you start passing links to news stories and weird YouTube videos back and forth. Eventually, he asks if you would like to play a multiplayer game with him, and you start the download. Realizing you haven't eaten yet, you tell him you'll be back in time for the download to finish after you've made yourself dinner.\n\nOut in the kitchen, you notice the time on your microwave. Several hours more than you had expected had passed, and you've only just realized it. Though it's not going out to a bar with people, you feel like this had taken the edge off the loneliness that you were experiencing earlier. Even though he's an "internet friend", sometimes when you are too down to be social, he's the perfect person to talk to. You connect with him on a meaningful level, and you've found it easier to be yourself while talking to him than you do in most face to face social interactions. When you're down, you find yourself using this as another reason to feel like a loser, as though you could only make friends if they didn't have to deal with you in person, but for now you're relieved to be around him.\n\nYou finish making your sandwich and sit back down at your computer. Your download has finished, and attic's waiting on you to start.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou begin doing mental back flips to convince yourself you don't actually need to be here in an attempt to reconcile your fear of going to therapy with your desire to feel better. You've internalized some of the negative stigmas attached to seeking help for mental health, and you use these as arguments against yourself. \n\n//I'm not broken enough to be here,// you tell yourself. //I have a job and a girlfriend, and this is only for people who REALLY need help.//\n\n//I should just get over myself.// Part of you is SCREAMING, because you KNOW if that were possible you would not be standing here right now. You KNOW you've tried so hard to exorcize this unnamed ghost that haunts your life, to no avail. But you can't seem to let yourself walk into the building.\n\nCognitive dissonance runs rampant in your head as you are simultaneously convinced that you both don't need or deserve the help.\n \nYou turn to walk away and notice the office is calling you. Panicking, you silence your phone as you head home.\n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation gte 16>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $partnerHP gte 4>><<set $partnerHP = 3>><<endif>><<if $partnerHP lte 0>><<set $partnerHP = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><<display 'motivation_1'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><<display 'motivation_2'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><<display 'motivation_3'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><<display 'motivation_4'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><<display 'motivation_5'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><<display 'motivation_6'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><<display 'motivation_7'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><<display 'motivation_8'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><<display 'motivation_9'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><<display 'motivation_10'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><<display 'motivation_11'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><<display 'motivation_12'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><<display 'motivation_13'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><<display 'motivation_14'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><<display 'motivation_15'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><<display 'motivation_16'>><<endif>>\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>Panic sets in, and it sets in hard. Your mind begins frantically darting between insulting yourself for being so horrible at relationships and thinking of the "right" thing to say to make her feel better. All you want in the world right now is to keep her with you, to make her feel better. Even though you feel a bit selfish and dishonest, you use it as fodder against yourself instead of changing your course of action.\n\n//"I'll find some way to start spending more time with you, I promise!"// you tell her, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. //"I know I can be really stupid sometimes but I'll be better, I'll figure out some way to be better, just... Just don't go."//\n\nAlex looks uncomfortable. //"I know I'm hard to deal with, that this stupid brain of mine makes me do stupid things and..."// you start to hate yourself for saying these things, for sounding so pathetic. //"Just... just tell me what I can do to make things right and I'll do it... Anything."//\n\nYour panic escalates as the more desperate you are to find the right words for her makes her pull further away from you. You're verbally flailing for the right answers, and she calls them out as being platitudes. You can practically watch her slip through your fingers as you try to cling on tighter. It's as if you're watching yourself say these things and screaming //No, stop, can't you see how you're driving her away!?// But you can't stop, and before you know it she's crying.\n\n//"I... I think we should break up. I can't do this anymore..."// she says, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. \n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $on_Meds = true>><<set $in_Therapy = false>>\nThe mention of medication makes you feel somehow even more embarrassed and defective. In fact, you realize that much of your experience with therapy has been fighting off these creeping feelings of inadequacy. You don't have a problem with Dr. Melville //per se;// she's nice enough and you certainly don't //dislike// her, but the idea of having to talk to a complete stranger about how screwed up you feel has always been an uncomfortable hurdle that you've been struggling with. \n\nIn spite of these feelings, your thoughts drift back towards Amanda. How she took time out of her busy life, and had potentially uncomfortable conversations of her own to forward you this information. You worry that to quit going to therapy would, more than anything else, be letting //Amanda// down in a huge way, and you desperately wish to avoid that level of disappointment. \n\nYou think that maybe Dr. Melville's suggestion is somewhat fortuitous. Now you can remove yourself from the uncomfortable position the therapy sessions put you in, but you can do it without feeling like you're //totally// letting Amanda down. \n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at her standing, barely lit, and notice there's a few candles scattered around the apartment. It occurs to you that she has tried to make this night special for the two of you, so you decide to put aside your bad mood and simply be with her. Even though you have a tight knot of antisocial frustration in your stomach, seeing how much she cares takes the edge off of your bad day.\n\nYou approach her and hold her. //"This is wonderful. Thank you for doing all this."// you tell her, kissing her on the forehead. //"I've had such a bad day, and seeing how you care like this makes life feel a lot less... heavy."//\n\nShe smiles at you, and the two of you kiss. //"Is there any way we can just talk tonight though? I'm exhausted and I really want to just be near you."//\n\n//"Oh."// she responds. She thinks for a brief second, as though she's evaluating if you had meant anything more by that. //"Sure. Yeah, that works."//\n\nThe two of you cuddle up on the couch and talk. You end up ranting about your job a little, and she commiserates with you and relates similar stories about a terrible professor she has. Regardless of the fact that you don't have sex that night, you still feel as though it was still a very romantic experience. \n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIn spite of the fact that you //know// that it's your job, and that you //should// go, you keep fighting yourself every step of the way. Every time you resolve to climb out of bed and just //go//, your body seems to get heavier and your head gets foggier and you find yourself unable to actually make yourself move.\n\nYou grab your phone and dial your boss' number, hoping that it's early enough yet that he won't be there and you can just leave a message. Fortunately, after a couple of rings, voicemail picks up and you leave a message explaining that you're sick and won't be in today. As you hang up the phone, you worry that perhaps your message sounds like a lame excuse. \n\nYou hope your boss won't call or email you to follow up with your message, but for now you're too foggy to do too much of any sort of thinking and eventually you fall back into a sleep that is both heavy and restless<<if $cat eq true>> with your kitten curled up at your feet, occasionally repositioning as you toss and turn<<endif>>.\n\n[[Next.|thenextDay]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>>\nYou look over at Alex, who hasn't noticed you watching her yet, and you try to parse the expression on her face. You worry that it's one of sheer boredom and bare tolerance. You wonder if she's thinking about all of the fun things she could have been doing tonight if she wasn't trapped on this couch with you, ordering from one of the same three takeout places that you always order from. A sense of disappointing her creeps over you as you picture what the night could have been if you had just accepted the invitation she had made earlier.\n\n//"I know this is a pretty boring Friday night for you... are you really happy being with me? Being like this?"//\n\nShe turns to look at you, forehead wrinkled. //"Why do you ask me that so often?"// You feel her body stiffen and pull away from yours just a little. \n\n//"Well, I mean..."// you start, but are unable to try and think of how to answer. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: It's probably silly, but it's reassuring when I hear that we're on the same page.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 8>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: I want to make sure I'm right for you.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: I want to make sure I'm right for you.|rightforYou]]<<endif>>\n[[3: I know it's not what you'd usually be up to.|usuallyupTo]]\n[[4: I don't know. I guess I get kind of worried that you're getting bored, sometimes.|gettingBored]]\n[[5: Nevermind.|forgetIt]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset2.gif"></center></html>\n\nWhen you think about the past few months and what you've been through in trying to deal with them, what you feel most is an overwhelming sense of //exhaustion.//\n\nThe soul crushing mundanity of your day job has started to catch up with you, and you find yourself less and less willing or able to deal with spending 8 hours a day at a job you find unrewarding. While some people you've talked to have encouraged you to seek out new, more meaningful employment, the stress of your job causes you to shut down more often than not, to the point where you've started missing normal work days even more than before. Lately you've even lacked the energy to take part in anything enjoyable outside of work hours, and your life is quickly becoming a vastly unfulfilling cycle of work/sleep/work. You've started existing merely on a day-to-day basis.\n\nYour relationship with your friends has started to deteriorate as well. Though you've known some of them since high school, you've never been comfortable letting them into this facet of your life, and that's true now more than ever. Your frequent bouts of both ambivalence and panic have caused you to flake out on more and more engagements, and your shame at your own situation keeps you from ever talking to your friends about it for fear that the "real you" would be repulsive to them. In spite of your best efforts, your friends have noticed that something is up, and you get the sense that your unwillingness to open up on more than a surface level has offended them. You worry about driving your friends away, and yet find yourself paralyzed and unwilling to let them in. \n\n<<if $significant_Other eq true>>Things with Alex have become more and more strained. The two of you have had several conversations about your situation. She's indicated numerous times that she's willing to be understanding and help you as best she can, but that she feels that you're not taking equal steps to move forward yourself. She worries that you "love being miserable more than you love her," and even in the wake of your desperate-sounding platitudes you can't seem to totally convince yourself that she's wrong. In spite of her obvious frustration, you can't seem to leave your comfort zone and set aside your own self loathing long enough to make a concerted effort to make things better, and you find yourselves having the same conversation on a near weekly basis. You both are feeling emotionally exhausted and the future of the relationship is uncertain.<<else>>After several long conversations with Alex, things finally reached their breaking point. She told you that you seem to "love being miserable more than you love her," and that you cling to that comfortable misery as a way to keep from effecting any positive change, and after several weeks of having the same fight she decided it was too much to bear. While she told you that she still loves you, she can't let herself or her plans be held back by a partner who doesn't share an equal interest in moving forward.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You have communicated many of these events to Dr. Melville in your sessions, and have told her that you feel like you're losing more and more control over your life. She seems very concerned, and has suggested that you keep coming to your sessions for the time being.<<else>>You have communicated much of this to Malcolm over various coffee outings and phone calls, and have told him that you feel like you're losing mor and more control over your life. He seems very concerned, though you can tell that he's trying to not overreact to anything you say so he can 'be there' for you. You're glad to spend more time with him, even if the rest of your personal relationships are uncertain.<<endif>>\n\nPouring over the events of the past few months it is difficult to not feel a profound sense of loss. What's worse, part of your brain is still acutely aware of how badly you've managed to mess things up, and that just makes you feel worse. Most days you feel detached, like you're simply watching your body go through its motions. You desperately wish you could regain control, but you seem unable to force yourself to take any of the necessary steps.\n\n//"Things are fine, I guess// you tell your mother across the table. Your voice sounds so weak you doubt anyone present believes you, least of all yourself.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou make a stop at your fridge, turn your favorite playlist on, and sit down to start working. You open the last file you were working on, and as soon as your hands touch the keyboard your mind goes blank. \n\nAll of the motivation and ideas you had when you arrived home vanish in a flash. Your brain seizes up and you find yourself physically incapable of any sort of productive thought. You take a "break" to loosen up, popping into your email inbox, Twitter, and various other internet-based distraction fodder.\n\nFrustratingly, this pattern continues throughout the course of the evening: as soon as you try and focus on work, your brain diverts all its energy away from the task at hand. While you keep flipping back to your work, you find the sheer mental effort involved in keeping your brain focused is overwhelming and tiring.\n\nA few Twitter arguments, YouTube videos, and sparse amounts of actual work later, your playlist flips back to Track One and the ice in your glass has all but melted, diluting the last dregs of the Coke you were nursing. \n\nYou look at the clock and realize that a few hours have passed since you sat down to work, and you've made negligible progress.\n\n//I can just wake up early tomorrow and catch up.// you think to yourself as you climb into bed, even though you know that never actually happens.\n\n[[Next.|partyTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I'm ok Mom, really. Thanks for worrying about me."//\n\nYour mother looks at you from across the room with furrowed brows, and you wonder if the tone in your voice was the least bit convincing. She slightly opens her mouth as though she was about to say something more, but instead she digs through her purse for her cell phone, having apparently decided against it. \n\n//"Well as long as you're ok honey..."// her voice trails.\n\nAs your mother returns to what amounts to more or less smalltalk, you realize that this part of the conversation has happened a lot recently - someone will express concern for you, or ask if you're okay out of seemingly nowhere. You tend to find that it's simpler to just declare that you're ok than find the right words for complicated and murky feelings. Besides, since none of them are in reaction to a specific event, maybe you really ARE ok and just complaining about nothing anyway.\n\nSometimes, when you insist that you're ok to those who ask, you have to wonder if you're trying to convince them or yourself.\n\n[[Next.|creatureFeature]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThe sight of Amanda's email address in your inbox sets your heart racing. You had almost forgotten about the horribly awkward conversation from a few weeks ago. Now, upon reading through her email, memories of how ashamed and embarrassed you felt talking about your problems wash over you as if you were experiencing them anew. Overcome by the sudden vivid recollection of your emotional outburst, it's all you can do to close the email as quickly as you can and step away from the computer to try and find something else to take your mind off of it.<<if $cat eq true>>Playing with your kitten helps.<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|workSucks]]<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a dry Sunday morning.\n\nYou grab your morning coffee and <<if $cat eq true>>scoot your rapidly growing kitten off your office chair and despite her protests, <<endif>>sit down at your desk to check your email. A new message pops up in your inbox almost as soon as you do. It's from Amanda, and you remember your meeting in the cafe and awkwardly bringing up your feelings to her.\n\n//Subj: Hey buddy\nBody: Hey. Sorry it's been a few weeks. I meant to get this to you sooner, but it took a while for me to get a hold of my folks back home. Dad told me to say hi by the way. \n\nAnyway, I remembered what we talked about last time I saw you and I hope you aren't insulted, but I asked my mom for the number for her therapist. Don't worry! I didn't tell her who it was for. I think she's worried about me now though, haha. \n\nAnyway, the number is 647-723-5274. It's a really good office, you should look into it. Talking to someone never hurts. \n\nIf you're worried about money, don't be. They're one of the few that has a really good sliding scale fee system and won't charge you what you can't afford.\n\nI hope you're feeling better. It was really nice to see you again! \n\n- A//\n\nIt's still early enough that you could call and make an appointment today. \n\n<<if $cat eq true>>Your kitten curls up in your lap as you consider what to do.<<else>>What do you do?<<endif>>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Call the therapist's number. You're looking forward to the help you think they can offer.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 9>>[[2: Try your luck and call the number, even though the mere thought of talking to someone makes you anxious. She cared enough to send it to you, after all.|callTherapist]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try your luck and call the number, even though the mere thought of talking to someone makes you anxious. She cared enough to send it to you, after all. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Sleep on it, and see how you're feeling in the morning. You're not keen on the idea at all, but you don't want to disappoint Amanda.|sleeponIt]]\n[[4: Close the email without thinking more of it. This has been embarrassing enough already.|closeEmail]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

That subway encounter where I felt like all the attractive cool people were laughing at me.

Hear about a local meetup for people who also do projects like yours, have one of the options be to try to go but hang out near the building, freak out, and go home.

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAs Alex leaves you with a beer, you're unsure of what to do with yourself. Everyone else at the party is sectioned off into smaller groups of people who know each other, and you feel like it might be too rude to butt in on any one of their conversations. As you are looking around, you can tell that you don't really know anyone else at this party.\n\nThe birthday girl turns to you and thanks you for coming, and you chat with her a little until she is approached by other friends, and she introduces you to them.\n\nYou have very little in common with any of them, and they all seem to have known each other for a very long time. However, they're still friendly, albeit a little drunk, and ask you about your life and do their best to include you. You actually start to relax a little, but feel slightly excluded when you're the only one who misses an inside joke about someone's professor.\n\nYou proceed to make smalltalk with that group until your girlfriend returns.\n\nAt the end of the night, as you're falling asleep with Alex, she thanks you again for coming. Half-drunk, she confesses that she thought you were going to flake out, and was pleasantly surprised that you managed to come out. \n\nShe says it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

If you're in therapy or on medication, the time comes when you have or want to tell your significant other or parents about it.

Be in a group talking with your coworkers making small talk about their lives and feel like you're the least interesting and skilled person in the group, or otherwise feel like an outsider.

Have the chance to lie to your therapist and reduce therapy's effectiveness.

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>Panic sets in, and it sets in hard. Your mind begins frantically darting between insulting yourself for being so horrible at relationships and thinking of the "right" thing to say to make her feel better. All you want in the world right now is to keep her with you, to make her feel better. Even though you feel a bit selfish and dishonest, you use it as fodder against yourself instead of changing your course of action.\n\n//"I'll find some way to start spending more time with you, I promise!"// you tell her, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. //"I know I can be really stupid sometimes but I'll be better, I'll figure out some way to be better, just... Just don't go."//\n\nAlex looks uncomfortable. //"I know I'm hard to deal with, that this stupid brain of mine makes me do stupid things and..."// you start to hate yourself for saying these things, for sounding so pathetic. //"Just... just tell me what I can do to make things right and I'll do it... Anything."//\n\nYour panic escalates as the more desperate you are to find the right words for her makes her pull further away from you. You're verbally flailing for the right answers, and she calls them out as being platitudes. You can practically watch her slip through your fingers as you try to cling on tighter. It's as if you're watching yourself say these things and screaming //No, stop, can't you see how you're driving her away!?// But you can't stop, and before you know it she's crying.\n\n//"I... I think we should break up. I can't do this anymore..."// she says, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. \n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nAs your mother looks across the table at you expectantly, everything inside you wants to run away. You have had this conversation with her enough to know that anything you can say would either be a lie or would result in a lecture. After spending the day feeling like you're a failure already, you can't really handle more of the same from your family regardless of how well they mean. \n\n//"Actually, I'll be right back, I have to use the restroom."//\n\nYou excuse yourself from the table despite not actually having to use the facilities, and head to the bathroom. You lock the door behind you and flip down the toilet lid, take a seat, and rest your head in your hands. You take a few deep breaths as your mind runs through it's typical self deprecating scripts, though you still feel as though it's a moment of relief. \n\nEven though you love your family, you really feel like they don't know you at all sometimes and this makes them exhausting to be around on nights like this. You wish you could tell them what you are feeling. That sometimes it feels like you're lost in the woods, and that if you were to drop dead in your apartment the world wouldn't notice. You want to make her understand that more often than not, you feel like an alien, like there isn't anywhere in this world that feels like a place where you belong, and you have no idea how to fix it or what to do. You wish you could find the words so they would understand you, but you end up feeling like an outsider instead.\n\nInstead, you decided to remove yourself from the situation and calm down. You couldn't see a resolution where attempting those things would work, and you needed a moment of space instead.\n\nYou hear a knock on the door. \n\nMalcolm's voice comes through the door. //"Hey kiddo, you alright in there? You've been in there for a while."// \n\n//"Yeah, I was just feeling a little sick."// \n\n//"Well, if there's anything I can get you let me know. They're about to serve pie though, if you're feeling up to it."//\n\n//"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."//\n\nMalcolm is quiet for a moment. //"Hey, just so you know... I'm really proud of you."// You hear his big footsteps walk away from the door, and you splash some water on your face before leaving to rejoin your family.\n\n[[Next.|bonerKiller]]<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's 2am on a Sunday, and you have work in the morning. \n\nYou roll over to see the sickly green glow of the time displayed on your LED alarm clock and let out an exasperated sigh. You've been trying to fall asleep for over 3 hours now to no avail. Every time your head hits the pillow, you're overcome with anxious thoughts that wrap themselves around each other. Worries about your job lead to worries about your future lead to worries about your very identity, and you're unable to shake them off long enough to doze off. Your eyes won't even stay shut as your mind races through imagined scenarios going horribly wrong, which you promptly attribute to your general worthlessness. \n\nYour thoughts run too fast for you to come to a satisfying conclusion on any one of them. Your room is completely silent, but the silence has given way to a loud static noise rattling around inside your head. Your heart beats loudly and you worry it's beating a little too fast. You worry that if you focus too strongly on your racing heart, you'll freak yourself out hard enough that you have a heart attack.\n\nYou have to be awake for work in a mere 8 hours, and you know <<if $motivation lte 6>>your performance has been sagging lately, and that this won't help the situation one bit.<<else>>that your work is so much worse on only a few hours sleep.<<endif>> \n\nWhat do you do? \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Force yourself to sleep.</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Go to bed. It shouldn't be that hard.</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Just close your eyes and let it happen. Why won't your thoughts back off for five seconds?</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>4: Snap out of it. What is wrong with you? Why can't you stop stressing out for five seconds?</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>5: You're probably going to go into work tomorrow exhausted and fuck everything up and get fired.</font></del></html>\n[[6: Go to your computer. Sleep is clearly not happening no matter how long you lay here.|tossandTurn]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Are you okay?"//\n\nIt's a question you've been finding yourself being asked a lot lately, and it's one that has begun to make you instantly uncomfortable. It's one you would have to spill your guts to adequately describe, which would be an almost impossible feat to perform at the moment. Even if you managed to, you'd have to fight through your self loathing long enough to keep talking despite feeling like everything you're saying amounts to simple bellyaching. If somehow you powered through THAT as well, you'd have to live with feeling truly exposed and you figure anyone who would know all of these things would be put off to you permanently. \n\nMore importantly, despite your mother's best intentions she is quite likely the worst possible person to try and wade through all of this bullshit with.\n\nYou evade the question by pretending you have received a text message. Once you pretend as though you're finished reading it, you change the subject back to one you know your mother is interested in. She takes the bait, and the topic is successfully changed.\n\nA feel of unease lingers, and your stress levels stay high until she leaves a bit later. You wonder if you should talk to someone about all of this - someone who would be more sympathetic and not tell you to simply "think positive".\n\n[[Next.|creatureFeature]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation lte 1>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou grab the TV remote, wanting nothing more than to forget all about the terrible day you had at work. You flip on the TV and let yourself get swallowed up by the couch. You grab your laptop to "surf" the internet while you "watch" TV, paying no real attention to either. You watch a few reruns of shows you're at best indifferent towards and a movie on TV that's a few years old, all while you scroll idly through your Twitter feed.\n\nAt the end of the night, you don't really feel any //better// so much as you just feel numb, which is basically what you were going for anyways. Ultimately it gets late enough that you tell yourself you should probably call it a night. You beat yourself up over the fact that you didn't accomplish anything this evening, but at least you managed to forget about your job for a couple of hours. As you fall asleep, you're acutely aware of the fact that after a mere few hours' sleep, you've got to do it all again.\n\n[[Next.|beThere]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I want to make sure I'm right for you."// \n\nAlex looks at you and half-smiles. //"That's for me to decide, isn't it? If there's anything wrong, I'll let you know about it."//\n\nShe turns her attention back to the flickering screen and settles against your side again. //"Just trust me, ok? You're overthinking things again."//\n\nYou desperately want to believe her and leave it at that. You wish more than anything that it worked that way - that you could simply shut off your brain instead of having this anxiety that you're letting her down by being yourself. You're not sure how you could convey that it's not a matter of not trusting her, it's more of a matter of not being able to think you're worth anyone's time. \n<<if $motivation gte 8>>\nYou realize that you're being irrational, and should try and pull your head out of these thoughts lest they pull you under their current and ruin the night. You still feel unsettled, and know these feelings are unresolved, but you focus on keeping your head above water for the night.<<endif>>\nYou hear Alex sigh, and you decide to let it go for the night.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Oh no. Just a cleaning..."// your voice trails off as you stare out of the passenger's side window, head resting on your hand. \n\nThere's a brief silence and you can feel your brother's eyes on you. You hear him take a breath, preparing to say something, then hesitate. Though you may not be exceptionally close anymore, you know that he could tell you're holding something back. You brace yourself for probing questions you really don't have the energy to answer.\n\n//"Hey. Why don't we get something fancy for dinner? My treat."//\n\nYou feel like a little kid again, being looked after by your big brother. A part of you prickles up and feels pathetic for this. But the larger part of you that is stressed out, exhausted, and grateful for the familiar comfort of family. \n\nMalcolm never presses you further that night, and takes your mind off of things for a while. \n\n<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>>[[Next.|amandaWTF]]<<else>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $malcolmKnows = true>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Actually, I guess I have been grinding my teeth in my sleep too much."//\n\n//"Oh yeah?"// Malcolm asks. //"Isn't that a stress thing?"//\n\n//"Yeah... I guess I've been having kind of a hard time lately."// \n\n//"I'm sorry to hear that kiddo."// Malcolm glances over at you. You stare out the window, feeling suddenly self conscious. As you watch houses and cars zip by, he asks //"Anything you want to talk about?"//\n\n//"I dunno. It's hard to talk about."// Trying to figure out where to start feels like trying to pin down something flying around in your head, except it's one of millions of tiny bits of static flying around in there. It's more than talking about specific events, because there are times you feel miserable without any specific catalyst to point to. It's a constant din of noise in the back of your head that never goes away, it only ever gets turned down.\n\nYou try to explain all this to Malcolm, and he asks a lot of questions without judgement in an effort to help you give words to this jumbled up mass of negative emotion. The two of you end up getting takeout and going back to your place, and talk late into the night. <<if $cat eq true>>Your kitten takes a liking to him really quickly, and despite the serious conversation going on around her, she rolls around between the two of you.<<endif>>\n\nAfter a long back and forth he asks, //"Is there anything I can do to help you with this?"// \n\n//"Don't tell mom, ok?"//\n\n//"Yeah, she wouldn't get it."// he replies with a slight laugh. //"Does talking about it help?"//\n\n//"Sometimes, kind of."//\n\n//"Well ok. Know that you can call me any time you need."// he rests one of his enormous hands on your shoulder. //"You'll get through this, kiddo."//\n\n<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>>[[Next.|amandaWTF]]<<else>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"The dentist said I'm apparently grinding my teeth too much when I sleep."//\n\n//"Oh?"// Malcolm replies, //"Been stressed out lately kiddo?"//\n\nDeciding that you don't really want to go into it, you tell him that you don't think that's the case and it's probably just a random thing. He doesn't pry farther, and instead begins reminiscing with you about the time you chipped a baby tooth because he accidentally knocked you over once. \n\nYou go out for dinner and catch up on things, but you still feel somewhat distracted by the gnawing anxiety in the back of your mind. Though you enjoy your brother's company, you still feel like you want nothing more than to go home and hide from the world tonight. It becomes hard for you to try to stuff all of your horrible feelings down and go emotionless when someone like the dentist can see a fraction of what goes on inside your head. It leaves you feeling embarrassed and weak, and you hate yourself for feeling that way. You wonder if you're really fooling anyone into thinking you're a normal person, and then you wonder if your brother knows and is hanging out with you out of pity tonight.\n\nAfter he drops you back off at your apartment, you throw the night guard out. You can't stand to even look at the thing.\n\n<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>>[[Next.|amandaWTF]]<<else>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/badend.gif"></center></html>\n\nThere's no doubt that depression is a battle, and it seems to have taken a particular toll on you. As the days go by, you find yourself interested in less and less. You think back to your life a mere few months ago, and compared to where you are now it seems like you've just lost so much. \n\nWork has become unbearable, as the thought of you dragging yourself day in and day out to a job you can't stand just so you can scrape enough money together to do it all again the next day has ground your will down; lately your job performance has suffered tremendously, and your boss has already had a conversation with you about your absences. At this point, losing your job is not only a real possibility, it's downright probable.\n\nYour personal relationships have deteriorated as well. While you could never describe yourself as a social butterfly, your constant flakiness and continuing withdrawal from your circle of friends has all but alienated them from you completely. Nowadays you rarely see or speak to them, and when you do, the conversations are strained and perfunctory. You almost never leave your apartment anymore. \n\n<<if $significant_Other eq true>>While you and Alex are still together, your relationship with her seems to have taken the full brunt of your depression. With your desire to interact with the world completely eroded, she spends more and more of her time at home with you; a fact which in spite of your anhedonia you feel guilty about. However, on the rare occasions that she does go out without you, you spiral into fits of jealous panic, convinced that she's going to abandon you for someone "better." Both situations are putting an immense strain on your relationship, which has unfortunately become a breeding ground for resentment and codependency. Things have only gotten worse as she's continued to excel in her program at school, as she's made it very clear on more than one occasion that her education and career are very important to her, and she doesn't want to have to be slowed down by someone who insists on being stagnant. It's clear even to you that your once mutually supportive relationship now doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and you strongly suspect that it's only feelings of guilt that are preventing Alex from leaving altogether.<<else>>Your detachment from the world even ended up costing you your relationship with Alex. While she made every effort to be supportive and understanding, your refusal to try and manage your situation forced her to have to choose between having to constantly look after you and pursuing her own goals. As she continued to excel in her program at school, as she made it very clear on more than one occasion that she was dedicated fully to her education and career, and couldn't afford to be held back by somebody who insisted on being stagnant. The subsequent split was practically inevitable.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You continue to visit Dr. Melville, though your attendance is infrequent, and when you do go to your sessions, your presence is merely physical. Whether it is the therapy itself that has ceased to provide you any benefit, or simply your state of mind which is preventing you from obtaining any value from your sessions you can't say for sure, but it has become increasingly clear to both of you that your appointments are simply exercise in wasted time. In fact, on a few occasions Dr. Melville has even suggested putting your sessions on hiatus.<<else>>You never could wrap your head around the whole notion of therapy and view it as anything other than invasive. Refusing to admit your need for help, your decision to try and tackle your depression on your own now seems woefully miscalculated. Your friends may have been willing to listen to you at first, but over time your reluctance to accept any of their advice simply drove them away, leaving you with little in the way of a support network. With nobody to vent to and an inability or unwillingness to seek help on your own, you quickly lost any desire to attempt to overcome your depression and your downward spiral seemed to compound geometrically.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>While you somehow managed to keep taking your medication on at least a loose schedule, you quickly became frustrated that the results weren't immediate and dramatic. Your constant complaints that your pills "don't work" ring hollow even in your own ears; you knew all along that there was never going to be a 'miracle cure,' and it seems like your seemingly irresponsible lack of active involvement has caught up with you.\n<<endif>>\nPouring over the events of the past few months is, even now, exhausting and defeating. Looking at the person you were mere months ago is almost surreal; it feels like a completely different person living a completely different life. In fact, it's hard for you to imagine ever having had a life that wasn't completely devoid of feeling or drive. The prospect of trying to imagine what your future holds seems not only impossible, but irrelevant and of little interest to you, as your life has become just a series of trudges from one emotionally exhausting moment to the next. \n\nYou look across at the table to your mother, weakly meeting her gaze before dropping your eyes to the floor. You open your mouth to answer, but no words come out. You don't even bother pretending to try and think of what to say.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

It's a clear autumn afternoon.\n\nIt's a rare day that you're out with a group of friends. You have all gotten lunch together at a hip new Japanese cuisine place. You're trying new dishes after being egged on by one of your friends, and having a fairly good time laughing with old friends. \n\nYou begin to notice someone attractive casting glances your way. \n\nYou shrug it off and wonder why they're looking at you like that, and forget it ever happened as your dishes arrive and you get lost in conversation with your friends.\n\nA little later, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and end up waiting in line for the single bathroom that the restaurant has behind the attractive stranger. They turn and begin to strike up a conversation with you.\n\n"Oh hi. Sorry if this is random, I just wanted to tell you I really liked your shirt!" they say, smiling at you. \n\nThey linger a little longer until interrupted by the bathroom being vacant.\n\nYour friends seem to have noticed this exchange, and are making odd faces at you, and wave you back over to the table. \n\n"They were TOTALLY checking you out." one says.\n\n"Are you gonna talk to them and get a number?" another one says over him. \n\nHow do you respond? \n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>>

WORDS WORDS WORDS\n\nYou open up and she suspects you have depression, citing that her mother has it and sees a therapist. She offers to get the number for you. \n\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n//"Actually..."// you start sheepishly, //"I'm not really sure what I want to do right now."//\n\nYour mom puts down her fork. //"So what, you're planning on living the way you do for the rest of your life? How would you afford a house on that paycheck? What about kids?"//\n\nYour father interrupts, lightly placing his hand over your mother's. //"It's ok Linda let the kids be what they are. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do in your twenties. I didn't get into construction until I was nearly forty."//\n\nYour mother looks across the table at you, unsatisfied with her husband's reasoning. //"I don't think it's normal for someone at that age to not have a path. You need to think hard about it or you'll never make anything of yourself. You-"//\n\n//"Mom, come on..."// Malcolm interjects.\n\nThis emotionally exhausts you. You want to tell her that you are thinking hard, and that not knowing what you're doing with yourself bothers you more than it could ever bother her. That sometimes it feels like you're lost in the woods, and that if you were to drop dead in your apartment the world wouldn't notice. You want to make her understand that more often than not, you feel like an alien, like there isn't anywhere in this world that feels like a place where you belong, and you have no idea how to fix it or what to do. You wish you could find the words so she would understand that being looked down on for this kills you, and drives home the feeling of being a total outsider. \n\nInstead, you get very quiet for the rest of the meal while your mind goes numb. Everything inside you feels exhausted.\n\n[[Next.|bonerKiller]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a Friday night, and you're laying across your bed feeling pathetic.\n\nAs you were leaving work tonight, a group of coworkers asked if you wanted to join them for drinks. Feeling antisocial and put on the spot, you declined. You have a habit of doing this - you're often so convinced that you are weird and terrible and that any invitation to hang out will end in disappointment for those inviting you. You never feel like you know how to act in group outings, and you feel like a total creep since it seems to come so naturally to anyone who isn't you. You find yourself petrified of breaking some unknown social rule that you don't often go out.\n\nNow, however, you find yourself alone at home. Your brain has begun telling you how pathetic and sad you are for being unable to just be a normal person and go out with nice people. You can't figure out why you can't just go out and meet people and enjoy yourself. At the same time, you're also feeling like no one would possibly want you to hang out if they really knew you, because you're dull and weird anyway.\n\nYou try your typical strategy and boot up Netflix to distract yourself from these feelings, but frustration with yourself builds, and you realize you have to do something else with your night. Anything else to take your mind off of how awful and lonely you feel right now.\n\nWhat do you do? \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Get over it and go out to the bar where your coworkers are hanging out anyway.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 9>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: See if Attic is online.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2. See if Attic is online.|gofindAttic]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Call Alex.</font></del></html><<else>>[[3. Call Alex.|callyerGurl]]<<endif>>\n[[4. Drink.|layinBed]]\n[[5. Go out somewhere, alone.|gooutAlone]]\n<<if $cat eq true>>[[6. Play with your cat.|playwithCat]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

While the whole thing seems a bit weird to you, the fact is you //are// in quite a bit of pain and this seems like it will at least help. While the process of making the mold of your teeth is far from pleasant, the ordeal is over quickly enough and you leave with a thing that, if embarrassing, is at least supposed to help you sleep a bit better at night.\n\nNot long after, you wake up to find that you've ground a hole clear through it.\n\n[[Next.|

<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html>\nA while back you and some of your older friends were out at a bar catching up. After liquefying considerably more of your paycheck than was perhaps "responsible" and ending up thoroughly in your cups, you open up to the only people you really consider yourself "close" to and end up launching into a drunken tirade about the meaninglessness of your utterly menial job, and ultimately your own existence.\n\nHaving never really seen you in such a state before your friends were briefly taken aback by your sudden uncharacteristic outburst. One of your friends suggested that you get involved with your hobby on a more regular, long-term basis, suggesting that spending your energy on something you actually care about might help you to better cope with the shittiness of your "nine to five."\n\nAlthough you were embarrassed that you let your guard down and you felt self-conscious at seeming to have single-handedly brought the mood down at the table, you convinced yourself on the cab ride home that maybe it would be worth trying out. \n\nYou began your project some months ago and have, miraculously, managed to keep at it, though your level of motivation and subsequent effort rises and falls considerably. While you were surprised when you started at how good it felt to actually work on something you were passionate about, lately you've found it hard to muster the energy to really care about even this.\n\n[[Back.|workIt]]

Family holiday. Feel like you're not meeting your parents' expectations of you. Have the opportunity to open up to your brother.

You get criticized for something completely legitimate and minor at work. Your choices are basically how hard you implode on yourself.\n\nIt's basically a merry-go-round of "STUPID,STUPID, STUPID! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" inside your head.

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's an early winter evening, and even though it's not particularly late, the time of year has lent the sky an almost prematurely darkened cast. \n\nDay after day, just like today, you trudge home from a job you have increasingly come to hate. On this day your job misery seems to have reached critical mass, and not even shedding your rain-laden and uncomfortable work clothes helps you to unwind from your work day.\n\nYou collapse into your couch, blank and numb. While your job always seemed to just be an unpleasant reality of existence, it was a position you sort of fell into unexpectedly, never intending to work there long-term, and it's getting harder and harder to keep it up. \n\nWhile it's certainly not your dream job, you've always just sort of stuck it out out of necessity before, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to do that. Though you couldn't even begin to imagine what //else// you could do, you find yourself face-to-face with a question you just can't ignore: is your complacency worth the price of this level of misery?\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Get proactive: Polish off your resume and start looking for other jobs to send feelers out to.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>[[2: Try and at least be productive by focusing your efforts on your project tonight.|workonProject]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try and at least be productive by focusing your efforts on your project tonight.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 3>>[[3: Aimlessly look through classifieds for another job.|differentJob]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Aimlessly look through classifieds for another job .</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4: Turn on the TV and let your mind go blank.|escapism]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

Start taking meds and have a series of encounters following each other where you're dealing with all of the adjustment awkwardness. This way we don't have to have a kajillion checks and can just put people through a short ringer all at once and the point will be made.

Be stuck wide awake in bed unable to turn your brain off. Go a bit more in depth with the kind of shit that keeps us up at night, stupidly. If you're seeing someone you should have the opportunity to wake them up and talk. If not, you should have the option to PHONE A FRIEND.\n\n//I'll take this one - P//

I'm not sure what the everyday situation would be (maybe a promotion or new job?), but you'd have the option to either try to improve your life (crossed out probably) or avoid trying to feel like you have control over your failure (assuming that you'd probably fail anyway). Basically choosing to sit in limbo vs. having a concrete "no" or failure.\n\n//I think this is basically the same as idea seed 24. I'm going to develop that one a bit further.//

Have the option to make 1 of 3 friends locally and grow your support network. Can't do any of this if you're too low. Not sure where or how this would happen because I am awful at making friends irl.

If you're really low, realize that you haven't been eating for a few days and your apartment is trashed.

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou sit down at your computer to blow off some steam but are surprised to find your thoughts drifting to your long-neglected project. You talk yourself into opening it up and taking a look for the first time in what must be weeks.\n\nFor whatever reason, your anger that you've been feeling towards your day job seems to have converted to pure passion, as you seem to be overflowing with ideas tonight. It's as if you've got a build up of ideas that just haven't gotten out and now you're in the zone. While you don't get an unnatural amount of work done, you do work for a solid couple of hours, and it really feels great. What's more, you share some stuff across your social media networks, and you receive quite a bit of positive feedback, which makes you feel great. \n\nWhen you go top bed that night, you tell yourself that your job may suck, but at least you've got something you really care about that you can put effort into and feel really good about yourself. In fact, as you're falling asleep, you can barely even remember your work day.\n\n[[Next.|beThere]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou groggily grab your morning coffee and <<if $cat eq true>>scoot your rapidly growing kitten off your office chair and despite her protests as usual, <<endif>>sit down at your desk to check your email. You notice the note you left yourself a few days ago with the therapist's number on it. You've been somewhat putting off calling her purely out of nervousness, but you feel like you should probably make the decision to do it or throw the note out and stop stressing yourself out about it.\n\n<<if $cat eq true>>Your kitten curls up in your lap as you consider what to do.<<else>>What do you do?<<endif>>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Call the therapist's number. You're looking forward to the help you think they can offer.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 4>>[[2. Get it over with and call the therapist's office.|callTherapist2]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Get it over with and call the therapist's office.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3. Throw the note out. Who are you kidding?|thrownoteOut]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>>\nDespite your best efforts, the stress of the meeting, not to mention the last few days, has finally caught up with you and you finally lose your composure. The dam breaks, and you find yourself trying to explain your situation to your boss. How you've been feeling lately, and how you really //do// like working here but how things have been very difficult lately and you really have been feeling physically ill because of it. Throughout your...confession? you look up from the floor to your boss, and see his faced trained on you in a look of a strained sort of compassion. You can tell he wants to understand what you're telling him, but has never had to deal with anything even remotely like this before.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq "yes">>While it feels good to finally spill your guts, as it were, you worry about having overstepped your bounds and try and rein things back in in an attempt to help save your job. You explain to your boss that you're currently seeing someone about this, and doing everything you can to get a handle on it to make sure it doesn't negatively impact your work life anymore. Your boss nods in a way that signifies he's no more comfortable with this conversation than you are, and upon your revelation tells you he's glad you're feeling better and stands up to end the meeting. \n\nIt was far from how you would have chosen to spend your afternoon, but at least you still have your job.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]<<else>>While it feels good to finally spill your guts, as it were, you worry about having overstepped your bounds and try and rein things back in in an attempt to help save your job. Your boss nods in a way that signifies he's no more comfortable with this conversation than you are, but nevertheless hands you a business card with the number for Employee Services, telling you they can put you in touch with someone who can help you deal with this sort of thing, before standing up to end the meeting.\n\nIt was far from how you would have chosen to spend your afternoon, but at least you still have your job. As you leave the office, you stare at the phone number your boss gave you.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]<<endif>>\n\n//thinking of eliminating this as a separate track to enter therapy just for the sake of simplicity. If so, the second option would read identical to the first, with the exception of the relevant passage about seeing a therapist.//

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou get out of bed and head to your desk. Laying in bed with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company makes you feel like you're going insane. The harshness of the light coming from the screen makes you squint as you turn it on, despite how often you find yourself in this exact situation. There have been so many nights lately just like this. \n\nAs you begin reading a news story, an online friend of yours IMs you. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you're up late again i see.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Yeah. Can't sleep.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Again.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: thinknig too much again?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: *thinking</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: You guessed it.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: :(</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: wanna talk about it?</font></html>\n\nYou end up talking with attic for quite some time about how you've been feeling. He's always been easy to talk to about personal matters, and the added security of talking online helps. Being able to rethink what you say as you type it out and check it before you send it out helps you gather your thoughts, and you find it less intimidating in a way to type it all into a prompt than say it out loud. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i don't wanna be that guy who thinks they can diagnose something because i read a wikipedia article</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: but it kinda sounds like you might have depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you should talk to someone about that</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: like a doctor</font></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq false>>\nYou pause. You're not sure if it's how tired you feel or being frustrated from mentally eating away at yourself earlier in the night, but what he says rings true. Maybe you //should// see a doctor about this.<<else>> You pause. Are you really that transparent? Or is it that you've gotten used to talking about your feelings at this point? Your insomnia makes you a little paranoid, but you shake it off.<<endif>>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: we can do some research and see if there's a good doctor near you</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: its not like you're going back to sleep anytime soon anyway</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: might as well do something while you're awake</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: :)</font></html>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: You: This is just a low night, I am normally able to sleep and I don't have depression, but thank you for your concern.</font></del></html>\n[[2: You: No that's ok.|nothankYou]]\n<<if $in_Therapy eq false>>[[3: You: It can't hurt to talk to someone I guess.|cantHurt]]<<else>>[[3: You: Actually I have talked to someone about it.|alreadyinTherapy]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $on_Meds eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation gte 17>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nNights like this, you're very glad you made the call to become a cat owner. Feeling too socially burnt out to interact with other people, you go find your cat. \n\nYou get her to chase a laser pointer for a solid 30 minutes before she tires herself out. She pads over to you and collapses in a heap in your lap, purring loudly. Though initially she hated being picked up, you carry her to the computer desk with you and she doesn't object. \n\nSetting her down in your lap, you comfortably surf the internet for a while before heading to bed. Having her here with you has a calming effect, and it makes you feel a lot less alone.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]

//Note this node and its choices do not currently connect to anything, as the nested choice that led here has been removed. I kept them in in case there was anything that could get recycled into other instances.//\n\nYou fall into a pattern of avoidance with the hopes of staving off any potentially uncomfortable confrontations with your coworkers or boss. Before you realize it, you've missed several days of work back-to-back, and now your boss //has// started to notice. While you've been avoiding his calls, the fact that he's bothered to call at //all// is indication that things have snowballed out of control and you finally wrench yourself out of bed and into work.\n\nThat day, just as you expected, your boss calls you into his office for a "meeting." As you enter the small room and sit down, your palms are sweating and your heart rate has accelerated considerably. You find yourself focusing on the worn-down, stock "corporate" carpet on the floor, the generically inoffensive "art" and random motivational posters on the wall, the large white scratch that runs across the whole front of your boss' desk; anything to avoid having to look at your boss sitting across the desk from you, unable to meet his gaze. You wish you could disappear. You open your mouth to try and preemptively apologize but your throat is dry and your brain instantly vacates of coherent thought when you try to speak. After a few excruciatingly uncomfortable seconds, your boss speaks up.\n\n//I've noticed that you've been missing quite a bit of work lately,"// he begins. //"While we certainly want you to get better if you're feeling under the weather, the number and frequency of absences is concerning, and I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.//\n\nYou can feel your face flush and, if possible, you begin sweating even more. Your boss does seem genuinely concerned about you, yet the thought of trying to //explain// this...whatever it is that you've found yourself less and less able to cope with recently sets alarm bells off in your brain and seems like an inherently bad idea. But the fact that you're in this office, having this meeting, means that you can't try and write this off. You have to tell him //something.//\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[1. Tell him the truth. Honesty is the best policy, right?|tellbossTruth]]\n[[2. Come up with some other explanation. There's no way he'd understand.|lietoBoss]]\n\n<<display $motivation_Checker>>

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $cat = true>>You accept the offer of the kitten and hang up shortly after making arrangements for when your coworker can drop her off tonight. <<if $motivation lte 7>>After hanging up, you worry about if you've suddenly taken on a responsibility that you can't handle, and hope you don't make a small animal suffer for it. <<endif>>You're not entirely sure what to expect, and you spend the rest of the afternoon researching cat care online and trying to think of a name.\n\nThe evening rolls around and you hear a knock at your door, startling you out of reading Wikipedia entirely too hard. You take possession of a small, terrified black and white kitten in a carrier, along with everything you need to start taking care of her. You take her into your bedroom, close the door, and open the door to the carrier excitedly. She cowers in the back of it, and you back off. Feeling slightly defeated, you remember what you researched on introducing a kitten to a new home and leave her alone to go mess around on your computer, hopefully checking over your shoulder every so often to see if she has come out yet.\n\nShe hides inside her carrier periodically making sorrowful cat-howls long enough for you to start worrying that she already doesn't like you, but by the time you go to bed she's curled up at the foot of it, eying you nervously before falling asleep. \n\nOver the next few days, you gain her trust and she begins affectionately following you around, sleeping on you, and hopping up on you any time you sit down to do some work.\n\n[[Next.|couchPotato]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

Despite your feelings of discomfort, even you can tell that your friend really needs someone right now. You put on your coat and hike through the winter slush to meet him for lunch, unsure of what to expect.\n\nOn your walk there, you worry about what to say to him and your general ability to be anything resembling "helpful." You worry about monopolizing the conversation, about complaining too much, about your ability to empathize. By the time you get to the restaurant the only thing keeping you from turning back and heading home is the fact that your shoes are soaked through with slush and your desire to get out of the cold as soon as possible.\n\nYou join your friend in a booth he's procured\n\n

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: sorry dude I'm bogged down with work</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh ok...</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: don't worry about it. </font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: good luck with work.</font></html>\n\nYou feel momentarily guilty but are really glad he doesn't seem upset with you. You close everything else on your computer outside of your work project in an effort to refocus your attempts to get the job done, but you still feel like you're hitting a brick wall. Regardless of how hard you try to force yourself, you keep losing focus. You go from feeling like a complete fuckup to feeling nothing at all as you stare blankly at your screen unable to make progress. \n\n//"This is going nowhere. I just need to sleep."// You set your alarm to go off a few hours before work with the idea that you'll come back to it then, and you go to bed early.\n\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>[[Next.|totalDumbass]]<<else>>[[Next.|tellThem]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

You talk with your friend a bit which helps ease your mind, and you excuse yourself after a few minutes of banter. \n\nYou retreat to bed with a renewed calm after venting a little and being cheered up by your friend, and manage to not lose TOO much sleep that night.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $in_Therapy = "no">><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\nThe mere mention of medication makes you stiffen uneasily. You can't remember the last time you've felt quite so //broken.// It was hard enough to muster up the strength to come to therapy, through all of your own "therapy is for crazy people with actual problems" BS. Now the suggestion from Dr. Melville that you might need even //more// help is making you feel more defective than ever.\n\nYour self esteem has certainly been precarious the past little while, and you can almost visibly see it sliding away from you. You want nothing more than to forget about pills, forget about therapy, and just go home.\n\nDr. Melville seems very concerned about you, and tries to get you to talk about your reasons for not wanting to stay in therapy, but you remain stubborn and don't elaborate further. \n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $shotdownbyMom = true>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou attempt to tell your mother how you're feeling, despite initial misgivings that you have about doing so. Finding the right words for how you're feeling feels like trying to untangle Christmas lights, searching for the dead bulb in the cluttered mess. She watches you intently and audibly sighs before you can clearly articulate anything. Unfortunately, she reacts predictably.\n\n//"An attitude like that won't get you anywhere. You need to work harder at getting what you want instead of sitting around feeling sad about it. Nothing good will happen unless you make it happen."//\n\nShe isn't angry or spiteful as she tells you this. You try to explain that it's not a matter of that, but you can tell that you're not getting anywhere. The frustration chokes the words in your throat, and you give up on trying to push the subject further. <<if $motivation gte 7>>You know she's giving you the advice that makes sense to her, and genuinely wants the best for you, however she doesn't understand that it's not as simple as somehow deciding to be positive or work harder - it's that those things aren't viable options because of these feelings.<<else>>Despite knowing she means well, the feeling of nagging alienation creeps into your brain and you regret bringing it up. You begin second guessing yourself, too. Maybe you really //are// just complaining about nothing. You wonder why you can't seem to get over these feelings.<<endif>>\n\nYou accept your defeat and the conversation drifts on to other subjects. She leaves after chiding you to call her more often and take better care of yourself. \n\nYou sigh heavily as you close the door behind her spend the next few hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.\n\n[[Next.|creatureFeature]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh okay!</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i'm glad you're taking that step.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i've heard it's not an easy one.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i know people kind of suck at understanding this sort of stuff sometimes.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: but there's nothing wrong with having depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you wouldn't be ashamed to have bronchitis or something</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: so there's no reason to be ashamed if it's your brain that's sick instead</font></html>\n\nYou spend a few more minutes talking with attic about your therapy and your feelings about it. He's incredibly supportive, and you're happy to find that you have a confidant that understands your illness and is willing to lend an ear when you're having nights like this. \n\nA little while later you fall back into bed<<if $cat eq true>>, kitten in tow,<<endif>> and find it easier to drift off to sleep. Even in therapy <<if $on_Meds eq true>>and on medication<<endif>> you know you're still gonna have nights like these sometimes. It's good to know you have a friend who will help carry you through them.\n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

It's a drizzly morning in November.\n\nYou wake up to the sound of rain, well after the time when your alarm is usually waking you up. <<if $has_Job eq "yes">>After back to back double shifts at work, you have a well-deserved day off. <<else>>You currently have no plans for the day, and are not sure how you're going to spend it.<<endif>> <<if $significant_Other eq "yes">>Your significant other is typically in classes all day on this day of the week, so it's unlikely that they'd have free time to spend with you. <<else>> You're no longer seeing anyone and don't have any potential romantic interests, so tonight will not be a date night barring a romantic comedy situation.<<endif>>\n\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you. Even though you've explained it to her in the past, you've never felt like you've been able to communicate how it is to really live with this cloud hanging over you fully.<<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she doesn't fully know about your condition or how low you get. You feel as though if she were to actually see it, to know about it first hand, there is no possible way that she would want to stay with you.<<endif>>\n\nBeyond that, you're not sure if you could live up to being what she needs. Your condition isn't going away any time soon, <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>and your therapist has discussed with you how it's very tricky to navigate relationships alongside managing your depression.<<else>> and you're worried that adding a whole new set of challenges to your relationship might be too much to handle right now.<<endif>> Moving in seems to you like it would be creating more problems than it would fix in your current state.\n\nAlex looks at you expectantly, and you have a hard time looking her in the eye. Although you know she's going to be let down by this, you have to do what's right for you. You can't force this if you're not ready. \n\nYou hold her hand as you tell her that you're not ready to take this step yet, and she looks absolutely crestfallen. \n\n//"But... I don't understand... Things are going so well..."// she stammers, beginning to tear up.\n\nYou explain to her that it isn't her fault, and that you would love to see her more, but that it's just not something you can rush into right now. She takes it well, though still seems wounded by it, and the two of you end up having a conversation about how to better manage your schedules so you can see more of each other. However, the two of you are unable to make it work, start drifting apart, and sadly decide to end things.\n\nAlthough it's painful that things didn't work out, and often wonder if you made the right decision, you know deep down that you had to make the call that you did. You have times where you beat yourself up for letting her down, for being unable to have an uncomplicated situation, but you know that with so much reservation in your heart, impulsively jumping into moving together would have just caused more pain for both of you.\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

The quality of your work is beginning to slide pretty massively.

You see on facebook that there's a social outing that most of your friends are going to, but you weren't invited. TIME TO FEEL LIKE SHIT but do you ask for an invite/see if you were overlooked or just feel like you're a lifeless joykill that no one wants to spend time with (hint: I usually feel the latter).

<<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a chilly Thursday night, and you've just gotten off work. \n\nThis has felt like one of the longest days you've faced in recent memory. Even though nothing exceptional had happened, a ton of minor things kept going wrong, and coworkers had tried your patience throughout the day. You considered leaving work early, but <<if $motivation lte 7>>you've already had enough absences lately on the days you feel too crushed by the job to get out of bed and didn't want to risk it.<<else>>the last thing you wanted to do was deal with your insufferable boss on top of everything else.<<endif>>\n\nYou're lost in thought on the commute home, and your feelings of frustration both with your life and the world around you build as you run into minor annoyances like someone bumping into you really hard as they walk by. By the time you get home you're exhausted, <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>and remember that these feelings were ones you identified as a negative feedback loop with your therapist.<<else>>and in a moment of metacognition realize that if you don't snap out of it you're probably in for a long and trying night as well.<<endif>> These pent up feelings aren't dying down, and are eating at you.\n\nYou open your front door and stare at your apartment. An overwhelming feeling of exhaustion overcomes you, and you feel like your energy levels are low enough that you'll likely settle into a single activity tonight.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Just shake off your bad mood and do something fun for the rest of the evening.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 5>>[[2: Reach out to someone close to you.|reachOut]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Reach out to someone close to you. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Don't burden anyone with your problems. Distract yourself.|distractYourself]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n

<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's an unseasonably warm Wednesday evening. \n\nYou've spent the past several hours at work. The past week or so you've found your job motivation flagging more so than usual; you've been in a fog practically all day today, simply going through the motions without realizing even what you've been doing half the time, and yet time seemed to be moving at half speed. You're so checked out that when your boss approaches you to tell you that it's dead and you can go home early it barely registers. \n\nAs you walk home, the streets hiss from the recent rainfall. You know that your significant other will be in classes until late, another couple hours at least. You briefly consider using this serendipitous solitude to catch up on that [[project|project]] that you've been working on haphazardly for the past few months. \n\nAs soon as you think about the work that awaits you at home you can feel the panic creeping in from the back of your brain, unbidden. All you can think about is how incredibly far behind you are, and the amount of work seems nothing less than insurmountable. \n\nBy the time you arrive home and change out of your uncomfortable work clothes the stress is weighing down on you like a heavy, wet wool blanket. Your computer seems to be staring you down from your desk. You want to sit down and work but the mere thought of trying to work sends your stress levels flying; more than anything you feel suddenly and absolutely //exhausted,// and feel a strong desire to simply hide in bed.\n\nDo you...\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Order some food, grab a drink, and hunker down for a night of work. </font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 9>>[[2. Reluctantly sit down at your desk and try and make yourself do something|startWork]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Reluctantly sit down at your desk and try and make yourself do something </font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 5>>[[3: Turn on the TV, telling yourself you just need a quick half hour to unwind from work|watchTV]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Turn on the TV, telling yourself you just need a quick half hour to unwind from work</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4: Crawl into bed. You're so stressed and overwhelmed you couldn't possibly accomplish anything anyways.|gotoBed]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $on_Meds eq false>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nAs you look at her laying next to you, your mind races through all the ways that telling her could go horribly wrong. You're paralyzed by the fear that she'll finally see that her idea of you, the one that she loves, isn't the person you really are. That she'll see you as the collection of insecurities and worthless thoughts that you're made of, and you'll never get to lay here next to her with the moon filling the room and making her sleepy eyes shine at you like this. You don't want to hide things from her but you're too afraid of losing her to make your mouth open and speak the horrible truth. \n\n//"Everything's fine. Go back to sleep sweetheart."// You kiss her forehead and settle into a spooning position. She dozes off again with little fuss, and you feel awful for lying to her. \n\nThough you're laying in bed with her, you feel completely alone as you spend another hour or two wide awake and full of self loathing, berating yourself for being such a coward.\n\n[[Next.|stayingatHome]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou dial Alex, who picks up after only two rings. You ask if she's has time to talk, and she tells you she's just hanging around in her PJs and is actually somewhat bored for once due to being caught up on her coursework. You try to figure out where to start with how you're feeling, and are overcome with missing her face. You ask if she feels like grabbing some dinner, and you notice her barely contained surprise and delight on the other end of the line.\n\nYou meet about half an hour later at an inexpensive diner not far from your apartment. While the food is not great, you're surprised by how much your mood seems to have elevated just being in her company. While at first you were extremely hesitant to talk about your job situation for fear of being burdensome or sounding like a whiner, you see her listening intently to you with what even to you seems to be genuine concern. After winding down with a beer, you cautiously open up a little bit more about your feelings surrounding your job and how drained it leaves you feeling, how you feel like you're simply existing, selling days of your life for no real purpose. You surprise even yourself when you start talking about how frustrated and stymied you feel by your job, about how you used to feel passionately about things but feel like all your energy and capacity for creativity is getting leeched out of you each and every work day. You can't remember how long it's been since you've externalized this much raw emotion.\n\nThe two of you spend several hours in that diner booth, long after your half-eaten food was cleared and the waitress stopped refilling your coffee cups. As you get up to leave a sudden wave of self consciousness washes over you and you suddenly feel incredibly awkward. Then Alex stands up and grabs you tightly around your waist; you realize that, short of boring her with your seemingly endless rants, she's simply happy to have gotten a chance to spend time - //real time// with you. It's been by all accounts incredibly too long since you've allowed yourself to open up to them like this, and there's an almost palpable feeling of closeness you allow yourself to hold on to as you go to bed that night.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<if $on_Meds eq false>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou dial Alex's phone number, figuring that if you could spend some time with her instead of being cooped up in your apartment alone you might feel less isolated. \n\nHer phone rings a handful of times before going to voicemail. You know it's not uncommon for her to be out with friends at this hour.\n\nYou leave a voicemail, but end up calling again 15 minutes later. Still no response. \n\nYou imagine Alex, out with her friends, much like you would be tonight if you weren't so horrible at socializing. Your mind wanders and you start to wonder who she's with, and if she might meet someone tonight she'd rather be with. Someone who is able to go to parties like this with her instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves. \n\nWhy didn't she invite you? Have you just said no one too many times? How many other Fridays have you unknowingly missed? \n\nYou begin to think that maybe it would be better if she met someone tonight. She's a wonderful woman and you feel like a constant joykill on nights like this. Why can't you just be normal? \n\nThe next morning, Alex calls you back. She tells you that she'd left her phone in class, and spent a boring night in her apartment too. You feel horribly embarrassed about how emotional you'd gotten over mistaken assumptions the night before.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou have your first session with your new therapist, Dr. Susan Melville, a tall woman in her mid 40's with a disarming demeanor and patient eyes with the start of the slightest smile lines. She makes you feel comfortable fairly easily, which is a pleasant surprise after all of your anxiety over the appointment. \n\nAs you leave, you make a second appointment. You're still skeptical about all of this, but figure you might as well see where this goes. The hardest part, it seems, was taking the first step. You're still not sure if and how you're going to tell your family or your partner but you figure you'll deal with that when the time comes. Either way, you feel relieved that you managed to see this through instead of being paralyzed with worry over it. Even if nothing comes of it, you did something you said you would instead of flaking out or running away.\n\nYou're emotionally exhausted when you get home and collapse into bed. You sleep better that night than you have in a week, and you're not sure if it is because you were so tired when you got home or if it's because of the therapist.\n<<set $in_Therapy = true>>\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou feel incredibly anxious and put on the spot as she leans forward. You consider talking about it, but what exactly would you talk about? Where would you start? She'd probably just think you were complaining about nothing anyway. No one likes a whiner.\n\nYou insist that you're fine, and try to shift the topic to one of mutual interest. She seems as though she is still concerned, but she lets it drop.\n\nLater that night, you replay this encounter over and over in your mind, and fantasize about what you would've said differently now that you've had time to ruminate on it further, and have a moment of self awareness when you realize the degree to which you're trying to stuff down these emotions. \n\nYou get very little sleep that night.\n\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>

<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I know it's not what you'd usually be up to..."//\n\nAlex frowns. //"What do you mean by that?"//\n\n//"I just mean you usually like going out and doing things. Partying and stuff. Y'know."//\n\nShe sighs and falls against the couch. //"It's not like I want to do those things all the time... I like nights in too, just like everyone else."// She turns to you, frustration wearing on her face. //"Sometimes I swear it feels like you don't know me at all."//\n\n//"It's not that I just..."// your voice trails off and you notice that she has an exasperated look on her face that you have seen once or twice when you have conversations like this. Conversations where you're poorly expressing your own self doubt and insecurities, seeking reassurance but really feeling like you're making things worse. \n\nShe sighs again, this time louder, turning towards the flickering screen. //"I like spending time with you, okay? If I didn't, I wouldn't be here."//\n\nThe annoyed tone in her voice makes you think otherwise, but you take it as a sign that you should probably drop it for now, and you feel badly for upsetting things.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audio

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> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >\n > >You've been in therapy for some time now, and have started to be able to realize what is a rational fear and what is not.

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a half-true story about half-truths. Play in your browser

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It’s all about female heroes and princelings in distress.

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Über die Datenbank 'Digitale Spielewelten'

Alle Einträge stammen ursprünglich von der Website www.digitale-spielewelten.de, einer Online-Kompetenzplattform für Medienpädagogik im Kontext digitaler Spielekultur, die zuletzt von der Stiftung Digitale Spielekultur betrieben wurde. Sie ist im Jahr 2017 unter Federführung der Stiftung in Kooperation mit dem Institut Spielraum der Technischen Hochschule Köln entstanden, unterstützt vom Bundesministerium für Digitales und Verkehr und dem game - Verband der deutschen Games-Branche. Ziel war es, für Akteur*innen aus Pädagogik, Wissenschaft, Games-Branche und Politik an zentraler Stelle Wissen, Erfahrungen und Ideen rund um digitale Spiele strukturiert bereit zu stellen und der Praxis medienpädagogische Materialien an die Hand zu geben. Im Rahmen des Projektes ist im Jahr 2019 zuletzt die Broschüre Bildung neu gestalten mit Games erschienen. Im Jahr 2022 wurden alle inhaltlich und zeitlich weiterhin relevanten Einträge der Online-Kompetenzplattform in diese Datenbank überführt.

Die Methoden und Materialien wurden ursprünglich von verschiedenen Akteur*innen aus der digitalen Spielekultur konzipiert und zur Verfügung gestellt (darunter z. B. Medienpädagog*innen sowie Vertreter*innen gemeinnütziger und öffentlicher Institutionen). Ergänzt wurden diese im Laufe der Jahre durch journalistische Gastbeiträge zu relevanten Facetten der Medienpädagogik bei digitalen Spielen. Alle Einträge dieser Datenbank entsprechen inhaltlich den ursprünglichen Textbeiträgen und sind entsprechenden Kategorien zugeteilt.

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Über die Datenbank 'Digitale Spielewelten' Alle Einträge stammen ursprünglich von der Website www.digitale-spielewelten.de, einer Online-Kompetenzplattform für Medienpädagogik im Kontext digitaler Spielekultur, die zuletzt von der Stiftung Digitale Spielekultur betrieben wurde. Sie ist im Jahr 2017 unter Federführung der Stiftung in Kooperation mit dem Institut Spielraum der Technischen Hochschule Köln entstanden, unterstützt vom Bundesministerium für Digitales und Verkehr und dem game - Verband der deutschen Games-Branche.

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PHASE 1: SPIELENTWICKLUNG
Jedes Team bekommt 6 Karten: 3 Kernelementkarten (Spielziel, Geschichte, Spielwelt) und 3 „freie Karten" (Steuerung, Komponente, Mechanismus). Letztere können die Pädagogen*innen den Vorerfahrungen der Teilnehmenden entsprechend aussuchen und verteilen. Mit diesen Karten entwickeln die Teams innerhalb von 10 bis 15 Minuten eine erste Spielidee.

PHASE 2: (ZWISCHEN-) PRÄSENTATION
Nach der ersten Entwicklungsphase erfolgt eine Zwischenpräsentation der Ideen, dabei stellen die Teams zunächst jeweils ihre „freien Karten" kurz vor. Die Präsentation kann auch entlang eines Elementes erfolgen, z. B. der Komponente.

Bei Bedarf kann die Methode bereits an dieser Stelle enden. Ansonsten findet anschließend einer der folgenden Schritte statt:

1. Die Teams erhalten eine weitere „freie Karte", idealerweise passt diese nicht zur bisherigen Idee und erhöht somit den Schwierigkeitsgrad der weiteren Entwicklung.

2. Die Gruppen haben die Möglichkeit, eine „freie Karte" einzutauschen.

PHASE 3: ÜBERARBEITUNG
Die Teams haben weitere 10 Minuten Zeit, um ihre Spielideen zu konkretisieren. Spätestens jetzt sollen sie sich auch Gedanken über den Spieltitel, die Zielgruppe und unterschiedliche Level machen.

PHASE 4: ABSCHLUSSPRÄSENTATION
Bei der Abschlusspräsentation kann der/die Pädagoge*in auf folgende Fragen eingehen: Welche Zielgruppe hat das Spiel? Sind alle Elemente vorhanden und schlüssig umgesetzt? Ist die Spielidee originell? Wie wird das Spiel vermarktet?

Auch die anderen Teilnehmenden werden zum Feedback aufgefordert, z. B. mit der Frage, ob sie das Spiel selbst kaufen oder jemandem empfehlen würden. Abschließend kann das beste Spiel gekürt werden.

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PHASE 1: SPIELENTWICKLUNG Jedes Team bekommt 6 Karten: 3 Kernelementkarten (Spielziel, Geschichte, Spielwelt) und 3 „freie Karten" (Steuerung, Komponente, Mechanismus). Letztere können die Pädagogen*innen den Vorerfahrungen der Teilnehmenden entsprechend aussuchen und verteilen. Mit diesen Karten entwickeln die Teams innerhalb von 10 bis 15 Minuten eine erste Spielidee.

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Game-Design: Allgemeine Werkzeuge zur Ideenfindung & -entwicklung

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Game-Design: Allgemeine Werkzeuge zur Ideenfindung & -entwicklung

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Schon lange möchte ich in meinem Blog Bitsy vorstellen. In diesem Beitrag erhältst Du eine Einführung in die Nutzung des Tools und Anregungen, wie es zum Lehren und Lernen genutzt werden kann.

Was ist Bitsy?

Bitsy ist ein minimalistisches Tool zur Spiele-Erstellung. Der Code ist Open Source (MIT Lizenz). Entwickelt hat die Software Adam Le Doux - ursprünglich nur für sich selbst, aber inzwischen haben sehr viele Menschen daran Gefallen gefunden.

Die Charakterisierung des Tools als minimalistisch bezieht sich zum einen auf die erstellten Spiele: Sie sind alle im Pixel-Stil gestaltet und haben damit einen charmanten Retro-Look. Zum anderen sind auch die Gestaltungsmöglichkeiten beim Erstellen bewusst einfach gehalten. Bitsy ist vor diesem Hintergrund vor allem deshalb toll, weil trotz oder gerade wegen dieses Minimalismus unwahrscheinlich vielfältige und kreative Spiele entstehen können.

Inspirationen zu erstellten Bitsy-Spielen findet man zum Beispiel über den Twitter-Account Bitsy Pieces

Wie nutze ich Bitsy?

Bitsy wird im Browser geöffnet und genutzt. Man muss nichts installieren und sich auch nirgendwo anmelden. Fertig erstellte Spiele können als HTML-Datei herunter geladen und dann auch offline im Browser geöffnet und gespielt werden. Weiter unten stelle ich zudem eine Veröffentlichungsmöglichkeit über die Plattform 'Glitch' vor.

Wie erstelle ich ein erstes Spiel mit Bitsy?

Im Netz finden sich mehrere Editoren für Bitsy. Du kannst zum Beispiel den von Adam Le Doux auf Itch.io zur Verfügung gestellten Editor nutzen. Der direkte Link lautet: ledoux.itch.io/bitsy.

Nach dem Öffnen des Links musst Du noch auf 'Run Tool' klicken und gelangst dann direkt in die Entwicklungsumgebung. Geöffnet wird ein erstes Beispiel-Spiel, auf dessen Grundlage man mit relativ geringem Aufwand sein erstes eigenes Spiel 'remixen' kann. (Die Spiele-Erstellung erfolgt dabei lokal im Cache des Browsers. Wird der Cache geleert, ist das selbst erstellte Spiel also gelöscht. Fertige Spiele oder auch Zwischenstände deshalb am besten herunterladen.)

Um ein Spiel zu erstellen, hilft es, sich zunächst die unterschiedlichen, möglichen Spielelemente zu verdeutlichen:

Das Spiel findet in einem oder mehreren Räumen statt.

Die bewegliche Figur, die durch die Räume wandelt, ist der Avatar. Er kann mit Pixeln und Farbauswahl individuell gestaltet und sogar animiert werden.

Umrandungen sind Tiles. Sie können durchlässig oder undurchlässig (im Sinne einer Mauer) gestaltet werden.

Sprites sind Objekte, denen der Avatar begegnet und die mit ihm sprechen können.

Darüber hinaus gibt es Gegenstände, die zum Beispiel eingesammelt werden können.

Bei der Spieleerstellung wähle ich zunächst in der ersten Palette den gewünschten Raum. Mithilfe der zweiten Palette gestalte ich einen Avatar, das Symbol für die Tiles und beliebig viele Sprites und Objekte. Ich platziere diese Dinge im Raum, indem ich mit der Maus auf die gewünschte Stelle klicke. Wenn ich sie entfernen will, klicke ich wieder darauf. Weitere Einstellungsmöglichkeiten werden mir jeweils angezeigt.

In der Titelzeile sollte ich noch einen Intro-Text für das Spiel eingeben. Danach probiere ich das Spiel mit Klick auf 'Spielen' am besten einfach einmal aus.

Diese ersten Schritte der Spiele-Erstellung zeige ich im folgenden Online-Tutorial.

Welche weiteren Funktionen gibt es?

Wenn das Spiel mehr sein soll als ein Herumspazieren einer Figur in einem Raum (wobei gerade das bei Bitsy aus meiner Sicht mit die schönsten Spiele sind), dann sollte man sich näher mit den folgenden Funktionen beschäftigen:

Ich kann Bedingungen in Kombination mit den erfolgten Handlungen festlegen. Einfachstes Beispiel: ein Objekt beginnt einen anderen Dialog, wenn der Avatar zuvor einen Gegenstand eingesammelt hat - als wenn er direkt zu dem Objekt läuft. Um Bedingungen festzulegen, öffnet man die 'Dialoge' Karte, klickt auf ein Sprite oder einen Gegenstand und legt die gewünschte Bedingung fest.

Ich kann Exits einrichten. Dabei handelt es sich um Übergänge von einem Raum zum nächsten. Das Feld des 'Exits' wird in meinem Raum mit einem schwarzen Doppelpfeil markiert. Mittels Drag and Drop kann ich ihnen auch eine andere Position geben.

Ich kann ein oder mehrere Enden bestimmen. Das ist ein kurzer Text, der erscheint, wenn der Avatar ein bestimmtes Feld erreicht.

Auch für diese weiteren Funktionen gibt es hier einen kurzen Screencast zum besseren Verständnis.

Das erstellte 'Spiel' kannst Du Dir hier als Beispel ansehen

Wie nutze ich Bitsy zum Lernen?

Mit Bitsy können zum einen 'einfach so' Spiele erstellt und Kreativität ermöglicht werden. Daneben kann ich mir auch die folgenden Übungen und Aufgaben gut vorstellen:

ein Bitsy-Spiel, das die Lerngruppe/ die Klasse vorstellt (ein Avatar 'besucht' nacheinander die Lernenden, die in einem oder mehrere Räume in Pixel-Gestaltung platziert werden und wird von ihnen mit einem typischen Spruch begrüßt)

ein Bitsy-Spiel, das eine Figur aus einem Roman/ Gedicht/ Theaterstück zum Avatar hat, der die Handlung nachspielt.

ein Bitsy-Spiel, das ein Ereignis aus der Perspektive einer historischen/ zeitgenössischen Person nachspielt.

ein Bitsy-Spiel, mit dem Lernende ein Dilemma/ die aktuelle Stimmung/ ein Problem zum Ausdruck bringen.

ein Bitsy-Spiel, das vereinbarte Regeln vorstellt und erlebbar macht.

Insgesamt ist Bitsy für mich damit - ähnlich wie das Open Source Tool Twine, das ich in einem früheren Tutorial vorgestellt habe - eine gute Möglichkeit zur kreativen Reflexion von Inhalten und zur aktiven Mediengestaltung dazu.

Da es erfahrungsgemäß nur kurze Zeit braucht, um die Spiel-Erstellungsmechanismen zu verstehen, sind erste Erfolgserlebnisse schnell vorhanden - und Lust auf weiteres Gestalten entsteht. Ein erstes, einfaches Bitsy-Spiel lässt sich in einer 45minütigen Unterrichtsstunde durchaus realisieren. Ohne weitere Gestaltung und in noch einer sehr Rohversion entstand dieses kurze Intro zu Momo zum Beispiel in gerade einmal 10 Minuten.

Technisch sind all diese Varianten mit der oben vorgestellten Kurzeinführung in Bitsy umsetzbar. Von der Initiative Creative Gaming gibt es ein empfehlenswetres Handout (als OER veröffentlicht, danke!), das sich gut an Lernende als eine Art Spickzettel verteilen lässt. Du kannst es Dir hier herunterladen. (Titel: Gamedesign mit Bitsy, Urheber: Initiative Creative Gaming, Lizenz: CC BY SA, Website: Creative Gaming)

Wie kann ich Bitsy-Spiele veröffentlichen und teilen?

Bitsy-Spiele lassen sich aus der Entwicklungsumgebung heraus als HTML-Datei exportieren. Diese Datei kann ich anschließend einfach öffnen - und das Spiel offline spielen. Außerdem kann ich eine Spiele-Datei später erneut in die Entwicklungs-Plattform hochladen - und auf diese Weise an einem begonnenen Spiel weiter arbeiten bzw. eine neue Version erstellen.

Wenn ich mein Spiel auch im Internet veröffentlichen will, habe ich mehrere Möglichkeiten:

Viele Bitsy-Nutzer/innen verwenden die Spiele-Plattform itch.io. Diese erfordert allerdings eine kostenfreie Registrierung. Denkbar wäre es in der Schule z.B. dass die Lehrperson einen Klassenaccount anlegt und die erstellten Spiele der Schüler/innen dort hochlädt.

Ohne Registrierung kann man die Plattform Glitch nutzen. Dazu muss man nur das Projekt MeinBitsy remixen, die index-html Datei komplett löschen und mit dem Inhalt der herunter geladenen Spiele-Datei ersetzen. Ich kann dem Projekt auch eine eigene URL geben. Näheres zu Glitch habe ich hier erklärt.

Da HTML die Sprache des Internets ist, kann ich die Datei auch beliebig auf einer eigenen Website/ einem Blog veröffentlichen.

Viel Spaß beim Ausprobieren!

Beitrag merken & teilen

Hier kannst Du dir den Link zum Beitrag kopieren - beispielsweise um ihn für Dich zu speichern oder mit anderen zu teilen. Wenn Du den Link in den Suchschlitz im Fediverse einfügst, kannst Du den Beitrag von dort aus kommentieren. Die Kommentare erscheinen dann hier auf der Website.

Vorheriger Beitrag: Kollaborative Kategorisierung am Beispiel der Frage: Was ist ‚digitale Bildung'? Nächster Beitrag: Edumail #36

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Bitsy: Mini-Spiele im Browser erstellen | eBildungslabor

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Schon lange möchte ich in meinem Blog Bitsy vorstellen. In diesem Beitrag erhältst Du eine Einführung in die Nutzung des Tools und Anregungen, wie es zum Lehren und Lernen genutzt werden kann. Was ist Bitsy? Bitsy ist ein minimalistisches Tool zur Spiele-Erstellung. Der Code ist Open Source (MIT Lizenz).

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A short graphic adventure created using the freely availabe, browser-based tool "Flickgame" (available at www.flickgame.org).

Very much inspired by Maniac Mansion and a couple of other classic retro graphic adventures of the era.

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Ein kurzes Grafikadventure, das mit dem frei verfügbaren, browserbasierten Tool "Flickgame" erstellt wurde, das unter www.flickgame.org verfügbar ist.

Das Spiel ist inspiriert von Maniac Mansion und einigen anderen klassischen Grafikadventures aus derselben Zeit.

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A short Flickgame graphic adventure inspired by the classics ;). Play in your browser

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Report bugs and suggest features

If you think you've found a bug to report in Harlowe, want to make a feature suggestion, or wish to see what future features are already planned, simply visit the project's issues page.

I'd appreciate it if you could adhere to the following guidelines when reporting bugs or proposals:

Please try to check that the bug has not been reported before, using the issue search feature.

Please do not report more than one bug per issue - make as many issues as you need.

Please be as detailed as possible in the issue title.

But, at the same time, avoid overly general anecdotes or descriptions of your work process leading to the bug (like "I'm trying to write an inventory system") - try to focus on what you expected the code to do, and what you got instead.

You should report all cases where a new version of Harlowe caused your formerly-working story to suddenly not work, as long as a possible reason was not mentioned anywhere in the changelog.

Do include code samples, but please write them inside code blocks (using the Code </> button in the toolbar).

Don't change the "Assignee", "Milestone" or "Due Date".

If your issue is a bug, please set the "Label" to "Bug".

You may suggest feature requests, but please set the issue's "Label" to "Proposal".

File reports for this documentation, too!

Harlowe is maintained by one person (me) out of a single interactive fiction language development bedroom. As such, I only have a limited number of staff to keep watch over the documentation and the program. I appreciate all reports about documentation slip-ups, typos, outdated advice, flat-out incorrect examples, and so forth.

A brief note of thanks

Unstable 4.0 builds now available!

By popular demand: you can now access the latest in-progress build of Harlowe 4.0, for your own personal use as an installable story format in Twine. Be warned that Harlowe 4 has intentional incompatibility with Harlowe 3 code, Harlowe 3 CSS, and Harlowe 3 browser support, and that all use of these builds is entirely without warranty! Please scrutinise the change log to fully understand what changes Harlowe 4 brings.
Click here to get the unstable build (last updated 2024-01-09)
Unstable builds are updated at least within a week of all new developments.

What Harlowe does best

Harlowe is one of a small handful of story formats offered in Twine. Each has its own specific focus and audience. Harlowe is designed for the following kind of author and work.

No HTML, Javascript or CSS experience needed

At its core, Harlowe's language is designed to assist authors with no familiarity with HTML, Javascript or CSS. Rather than requiring knowledge of all three languages, Harlowe provides a single language that fulfills the basic needs of all three and whose parts seamlessly integrate.

Use layout syntax, such as columns and aligners, to provide structure and composition to your prose. Harlowe contains special values that represent one or more CSS styles bundled together for convenience. Attach them to single runs of prose to provide the equivalent of inline styles, or use variables or the (change:) or (enchant:) macros to globally affect certain labeled structures. Harlowe's coding language, inside macro calls, smooths over the pitfalls and discrepancies of Javascript - better type-checking and clearer syntax prevents obvious datatype bugs like 1 + "1" , 1 == "1" or if (a = 1) , more plentiful error messages replace silent failures and junk values like NaN or undefined , different data structures each use the same setting, getting and checking syntax, and the styling datatypes are easily handled alongside other data. Styles can be combined by simply adding them together, for instance, and computed based on the current game state.

Though, if you already have HTML, Javascript or CSS experience, and would prefer to leverage that experience as you create, you may wish to use SugarCube instead, which provides more direct access to the page's HTML elements and to the Javascript language.

Dynamic hypertext as a focus

I have a deep admiration for the storytelling potential of early and recent hypertext mediums, such as HyperCard, Shockwave, Flash, and early HTML fiction, and I have kept their versatility in mind when creating Harlowe. Harlowe heavily encourages you to think of a page as a dynamic interactive space, not just a sequence of prose followed by choices. Harlowe encourages you to place links and interactive elements in the midst of prose, not just at the end, and to use them to change the prose in surprising and unusual ways - inserting or removing text in a previously-read paragraph, changing the styling of words, changing just the link itself, and other such effects to reveal new meaning in the text and communicate your story in a manner unique to hypertext. If you would like to explore the storytelling potential of hypertext, it is my dear hope that you will find Harlowe satisfying.

Though, if you would prefer a more traditional, branching style of interactive prose writing, you may wish to use Chapbook or a non-Twine language like Ink instead.

Programming depth available when you need it

Don't let the preceding sections lead you to believe Harlowe is narrowly limited as a programming environment. Despite crafting Harlowe as a language apart from Javascript, I've nonetheless equipped it with tools and utilities to handle dense data manipulation. A wide collection of conversion macros and syntactic structures exist to convert and manipulate arrays, strings, and maps, including a lambda syntax, and the (macro:) macro lets you sculpt a personal sub-language within Harlowe. In addition, the Debug Mode gives you a live view of variables, styles, and game state as the story progresses. While these are not meant to be immediately useful to the first-time author, one who has grown more ambitious in their time with Harlowe may call upon them to make more computationally complicated stories, such as basic role-playing games. As you grow in programming confidence, Harlowe can follow you.

No specific simulation elements

Interactive fiction is commonly associated with text adventure games with a high degree of spatial simulation and procedurally generated text, where you control a player-character and manipulate objects and navigate rooms. Harlowe (and the other Twine story formats) is intended for a much wider variety of stories with a much lighter amount of interaction with the story's inner world, and as such it does not contain pre-built programming constructs for rooms, objects, inventories, manipulation verbs, and other common design affordances of text adventures. If you would prefer to write a story with a higher degree of simulation and interaction, you may wish to use a non-Twine language like Inform instead.

Three fundamentals of Harlowe

Harlowe is a markup language that you can apply to your Twine prose to make the prose interactive, non-linear, and game-like. This language's full contents of features may appear daunting, but all of its features revolve around the following three simple concepts, which, when understood, unlock understanding the rest of the language:

1. Macros produce either commands, or data values

A macro is the basic unit of code. It is either a command that changes the game's state or the prose in some way, such as the (set:) macro that saves data to a variable, or the (link-goto:) macro that puts a link inside the prose, or it produces a data value, such as a number or a styling instruction. All of Harlowe's macros are either one or the other.

2. Attach values to hooks of text to change the text

To use macros to change your story's prose, you must place that prose between brackets, which make a hook. You can then attach one or more values to the front of the hook to change the prose. This syntactic structure is used for everything from text styling with (text-style:), to the narrative-branching of the (if:) macro, to more complex commands like (event:) or (for:).

In the above example, an "if" statement is created by attaching the (if:) changer value to the square-bracketed hook.

3. You can use anything that produces a value as if it was that value

Example stories

Here are a few example stories, written by me, Leon, and designed to be downloaded and opened in the Twine editor for reference and experimentation. These stories' prose and Harlowe code (though, of course, not the Harlowe engine itself) are entirely public domain - use their contents for your own projects as you wish.

This is a parody of the example story for the Chapbook story format, "Cloak of Darkness". This demonstrates several basic Harlowe features:

Using variables to track the player's actions.

Using (if:) with the "visits" keyword to display text only once.

Using (click-append:) to add a link in the middle of a paragraph.

Using (transition:) to alter the transition of a hook, both as an attached changer and as an additional value given to (click-append:).

Using a boolean variable to enable a hook, similar to (if:).

Using escaped line break syntax to control whitespace in the story.

Using "footer" tagged passages to place text beneath every passage in the story.

Using (enchant:) with (t8n-depart:) and (t8n-arrive:) inside a "footer" tagged passage to affect the transition of every passage link in the story.

Using (append:) with the ?sidebar hook name to add icons to the sidebar.

Additionally, it contains an extra passage with a "character creator" board, which allows players to spend statistic points to increase character attributes, in the manner of an RPG. This board makes use of these features:

Using named hooks and (rerun:) to alter a statistical readout whenever the player modifies one of the statistics.

Using temp variables to store complicated commands such as (link:) that need to be used multiple times in the passage.

This demonstrates how one would implement a very simple 1-vs-1 turn-based-combat (TBC) engine in Harlowe, in the manner of an RPG. It provides examples of the following features:

Using (click:) with ?page to only advance the story when the mouse is clicked.

Using custom macros to reduce the amount of overall code that needs to be written.

Using temp variables to store calculated values that are used further down the passage.

Using datamaps (created via (dm:)) to greatly simplify the process of defining unique turn-based-combat opponents, as well as reducing the amount of variables that need to be created to store data relating to the battle's state.

Using arrays (created via (a:)) to store sequential data, and using (move:) and (rotated:) to change the first value of those arrays.

This demonstrates a number of ways you can style your stories without needing to use CSS stylesheets. All of the styles in this story are coded in separate passages, and their code is free to use in your stories. They provide examples of the following features:

Enjoy the examples!

Editor toolbar

Harlowe is intended for use inside Twine 2, which installs with it included as the default format. When Harlowe is selected as the current story format for your story (via a dropdown menu in the Details tab of the Story menu), then it will augment Twine's passage editor with extra toolbar buttons. These buttons either allow markup to be quickly inserted into the passage code, or provide some other kind of assistance in editing. These buttons are outlined as follows.

Text styles: each item in this dropdown menu (or, depending on version, set of buttons) wraps the selected text in one of the markup styles Harlowe offers. Selecting "More Styles" will produce a dialog box that allows you to mix and match a wider variety of styles, displaying a preview pane containing your chosen combination. That dialog, when OK is clicked, will wrap the selected text in a hook (or, if "affect the entire remainder of the passage or hook" was selected, adds an unclosed hook)with an attached (text-style:) macro call that enables them.

Colour: this produces a dialog box that lets you set the text colour and opacity, as well as set the background to a flat colour or a linear gradient. Choosing OK will do one of a number of things depending on which "affect" option was selected.

When affecting "the attached hook", it wraps the selected text in a hook with an attached (bg:) and/or (text-colour:) changer.

When affecting "the remainder of the passage or hook", it adds an unclosed hook with an attached (bg:) and/or (text-colour:) changer.

When affecting "the entire passage" or "the entire page", it adds an (enchant:) macro call targeting either the ?Passage or ?Page hook name, and applying a (bg:) and/or (text-colour:) changer.

Borders: this produces a dialog box that lets you specify HTML border styles for all four sides of a block of text. Choosing OK will do one of a number of things depending on which "affect" option was selected.

Rotated text: this produces a dialog box that lets you rotate a block of text through 3 geometric axes. Choosing OK will wrap the selected text in a hook (or, if "affect the entire remainder of the passage or hook" was selected, adds an unclosed hook) with an attached (text-rotate-x:), (text-rotate-y:) and/or (text-rotate-z:) changer.

List and line items: the items in this dropdown menu insert syntax elements that affect a single line: the bulleted list markup, the numbered list markup, a horizontal rule, or the level 1 heading markup. These each have very simply and easy-to-memorise syntax, but this menu exists in case you forget.

Alignment and Columns: this dropdown menu features two items.

Alignment produces a dialog box that lets you adjust the horizontal margins, width and alignment of a block of text. Choosing OK will wrap the selected text in a hook (or, if "affect the entire remainder of the passage or hook" was selected, adds an unclosed hook) with an attached (align:) and/or (box:) changer.

Columns produces a dialog box that lets you define two or more columns of text, each with their own width and margins. Choosing OK will insert the column markup into the passage, replacing any selected text.

Collapse whitespace: this produces a dialog box that lets you choose between wrapping the selected text in the collapsing whitespace markup, or insert the unclosed collapsing whitespace markup. The chosen option is performed when clicking OK.

Verbatim: this wraps the selected text in the verbatim markup. If the selected text contains any grave ` marks, then enough ` marks will be used to unambiguously wrap it.

HTML Comments: this wraps the selected text in the HTML comments markup.

Macro: this dropdown menu can be used to choose from a number of "wizards" (dialog forms) that help you insert specific Harlowe macros that perform a certain common task. Note that these wizards only offer a limited number of features, and that understanding the relevant Harlowe macros, and writing their calls yourself, will provide more sophisticated control over them.

Link: this wizard lets you design a link (or specify that the page can be clicked), and the action to perform when clicking it.

If: this wizard lets you design a condition, involving various actions the player may have performed, or the current state of a variable, that causes a hook to be shown.

Input: this wizard lets you design either an (input-box:) command, a (force-input-box:) command, a (dropdown:) command, a (checkbox:) command, or a (dialog:) command, each of which can have their player-inputted value bound to a variable.

Hook: this very simple dialog lets you create a named hook.

Value: this wizard lets you design a (set:) command, which sets a single variable to a specific value.

Be aware for all of the above that, once OK is clicked and code has been placed, there isn't any way to "unmake" the code and return to the dialog that produced it. So, if you want to change some aspect of the resulting code, you'll have to edit it as-is.

The following buttons are toggleable - they enable or disable special editing modes or features.

Proofreading View: this dims all of the passage code except for plain text, and string data. This is meant for proofreading the written prose of your passage, while reducing the distraction of colourful macro code. Because string data often carries fragments or portions of prose for display in the story (such as alternatives given to (nth:) or (either:)), those remain undimmed along with plain text. While you may wish to use the "Proof" feature in Twine 2 for more thorough proofreading, this is ideal for quicker reviews and corrections of individual passages.

Coding Tooltips: enabled by default, this provides explanatory tooltips when you rest the editor cursor over a Harlowe macro, hook, or coding structure which isn't plain text. Once you have a decent grasp of how Harlowe code works, you can toggle these off to reduce editing distractions.

The remaining buttons offer additional editing utilities.

Find and Replace: this opens a rudimentary find/replace dialog, such as can be found in most text editors. Entering text in the "Find" box causes all instances to be highlighted purple inside the editor. The ↑ and ↓ buttons change the "current match" (which is the match that will be replaced first using the "Replace" button) as well as scrolling it into view. You can use the dropdown to limit matches to either passage prose (to prevent macro names or keywords like it from being included), code (to prevent text from being included), or the current selection. Finally, you can make the search case-sensitive using a checkbox. Clicking Done will close the dialog box and remove the search highlighting.

Manual: opens this web page.

Editor Preferences: provides options for toggling some of the Passage Editor's Harlowe-specific features on and off.

Finally, while most of these buttons don't have visible labels, hovering over one will produce a small tooltip revealing its name.

Editor keyboard shortcuts

When using the passage editor in Twine 2, the following keyboard (and mouse) shortcuts are available. Note that many of these (in particular, those involving cursor movement and selections) are shared across all Twine story formats, not just Harlowe. In the notation below, substitute Ctrl for ⌘ if you are using MacOS.

Keyboard shortcut

Purpose

Ctrl+Left Click

Create additional text cursors. These cursors all output the same text at their location when you type, and can be moved simultaneously. Use this feature to edit or insert the same text in multiple locations.

Ctrl+Left Drag

Create multiple, disconnected text selections without deselecting the current selections. These can all be edited simultaneously by typing, like single selections.

Ctrl+D

Delete the entire line that the cursor is on.

Ctrl+Home

Move the cursor to the top of the passage.

Ctrl+End

Move the cursor to the bottom of the passage.

Ctrl+Left

Move the cursor to the start of the previous "clump" of characters. These are either words (clumps of alphanumeric characters), runs of punctuation, or runs of multiple whitespace characters.

Ctrl+Right

Move the cursor to the end of the next "clump" of characters. These are either words (clumps of alphanumeric characters), runs of punctuation, or runs of multiple whitespace characters.

Alt+Left

Move the cursor to the start of the current line.

Alt+Right

Move the cursor to the end of the current line.

Ctrl+B

Wrap the current selected text in the "bold" style markup.

Ctrl+I

Wrap the current selected text in the "italic" style markup.

Ctrl+-

Wrap the current selected text in the "strikethrough" style markup.

Ctrl+.

Wrap the current selected text in the "superscript" style markup.

Ctrl+F

Open the Find/Replace panel.

Ctrl+G

Go to the next Find/Replace match (scroll it onto the screen, and make it the target of the next "Replace" operation).

Ctrl+Shift+G

Go to the previous Find/Replace match.

Ctrl+H

Replace the current Find/Replace match.

In addition to these, the most basic text editor operations (like using Ctrl-Z to undo, Ctrl-Y or Ctrl-Shift-Z to redo, Ctrl+A to select all of the text, Shift+Left or Shift+Right to adjust the current selection, dragging the current selected text to reposition it, and the like) are, of course, also available.

Debug Mode

If you select "Test" or use the "Test From Here" feature in the Twine editor, or use the (debug:) macro, Harlowe will enter Debug Mode. Debug Mode provides a number of useful features for testing your story, examining how it runs, and checking what variables contain.

The exact differences between normal play and Debug Mode are as follows.

At the start of the story, passages tagged with will run, in alphabetical order by their passage name, after passages tagged startup .

In every passage, passages tagged with will be displayed, in alphabetical order by their passage name, after passages tagged header , and passages tagged with will be displayed, in alphabetical order by their passage name, after passages tagged footer .

Error messages will have a 🔍 button visible on them, allowing a replay to be watched (see below). This can be toggled on and off in Debug Mode's options.

The Debug Mode panel (depicted below) will be active.

Generally speaking, Debug Mode is not intended to be used by your story's players, and you aren't expected to distribute stories with Debug Mode enabled.

Debug Mode panel:

The Debug Mode panel sits on the lower-right corner of the browser window. It provides access to the following features.

Resizer bar: click and drag this to resize the panel horizontally. A similar bar appears on all drawer panels, allowing you to resize them vertically.

Variables: this button opens and closes a drawer panel that displays the contents of all of the variables (as well as individual values inside data structures) currently active in the story. This is a table with the following columns. Click any column to sort the table (alternating descending and ascending per click) by that column. At the bottom, a button marked "Copy $ variables as (set:) call" will, when clicked, copy to the Clipboard a source code representation of a (set:) call which recreates all of the story-wide variables as they are right now - which may be useful for recreating this exact variable state elsewhere in the story, for testing purposes.

Type: lists the type that the variable has been restricted to (by using the -type syntax in a (set:), (put:), (unpack:) or (macro:) macro). If no restriction was made (which is the same as restricting to the any datatype), then this is blank.

Name: the name of the variable, including its $ or _ sigil. The sigil is not used to determine the sorting of the column. If this is a data value inside a data structure (for example, $list 's 1st ), then the name of the containing variable will be grayed out, and the name (or position) of the data value will be listed after it. However, if the containing data structure is a dataset, then its name will be listed as ??? (because datasets' values can't be accessed by name or position).

Scope: if the variable is a temp variable, then this lists the scope that the variable is usable. If a temp variable is created inside a hook, then the hook will be listed here - otherwise, it will say that the hook's scope is "in this passage". Sort by this column to separate temp variables from ordinary variables.

Value: a plain-English description of the value contained in the variable, identical to that used in error messages which refer to that value. Values are colour-coded by their datatype, using identical colours to those used in Twine's passage editor.

A blank column with (source:) buttons. These buttons will show and hide a fold-down strip that contains the source code representation of the value, as if by a (source:) or (v6m-source:) macro call.

Enchantments: this button opens and closes a drawer panel that displays all of the enchantments (created by (enchant:), (click:), or similar macros) that are currently active in the passage. This is a table with the following columns.

Scope: the HookName (or textual string) that was given to the (enchant:) or (click:) macro, which is used to determine what structures the enchantment affects.

Value: a plain-English description of the changer given to (enchant:). If this enchantment was created via a (click:)-related macro, this instead contains "enchanted via" and the name of the macro.

A blank column with (source:) buttons. For enchantments created with (enchant:), these buttons will show and hide a fold-down strip that contains the source code representation of the changer given to it.

Errors: this button opens and closes a drawer panel that lists all of the errors that have appeared in the story thus far. Keeping a close eye on this panel can be useful for finding error messages that disappeared too quickly for you to read them (because the passage contained a timed (go-to:) or (redirect:), or the error message's containing hook was replaced using (replace:) or some other macro). You may clear the panel of all errors using the "Clear this panel" button at the bottom.

Storylets: this button only appears if at least one valid storylet (a passage containing a (storylet:) call or a specifically-written (metadata:) call) exists somewhere in the story. It opens and closes a drawer panel that displays the current status of all the storylet conditions at this present moment. This is a table with the following columns.

Open: if the storylet condition currently produces true , and there are no other open storylets with higher exclusivity, then this display a tick mark. Sort by this column to easily see which storylets are currently open or not.

Name: the name of the passage.

Condition: the lambda condition for this storylet. All such conditions are when lambdas, so the when keyword is not displayed here.

Exclusivity: if the (exclusivity:) macro (or a specifically-written (metadata:) call) was used to change the exclusivity of the storylet, the exclusivity number is displayed here.

Urgency: if the (urgency:) macro (or a specifically-written (metadata:) call) was used to change the urgency of the storylet, the urgency number is displayed here. Urgency only affects the sort order of the (open-storylets:) macro, and the numeric order of the (link-storylet:) macro.

Source: this button displays the source code of the current passage, plus the source code of all header , footer , and (if this is the first turn of the story) startup tagged passages in the story, as well as debug variations of the above. Each of these passages has its own fold-down tab along the right side of the panel - use these to pick and choose what passage's source code you want to examine. (Note: as of version 3.3.4, excessively long passages will, for performance reasons, not have their code syntax-highlighted.)

Tools: this button opens and closes a drawer panel which holds a couple of special-purpose tools to help you examine the story as it is running.

See through and click through (dialog:) boxes: turns dialog boxes (except debugging dialogs), and their dark backdrops, 90% transparent, and lets you click through them to interact with elements behind them. This can be useful when you want to proofread some text, check for error messages, or examine a replay (see below) for an element that's behind a dialog box.

Stop links, (click:) and (hover-style:) from activating: stops clicks and cursor hovers (and any other action specified by (action:)) from activating elements (debugging elements excluded). This can be useful if you want to examine a replay (see below) inside a (click:) region or a link, or select text that's inside an ( action: "mouseover" ) region.

Stop (go-to:), (undo:), (redirect:) and (refresh:) from activating: stops these commands from activating when they are added to the passage. They can be selectively activated later by turning on Debug View and clicking the "GO" buttons on them (next to the Replay button).

Speed of timed events: a dropdown which causes a multiplier to be applied to time , so as to make timed events that use it occur sooner or later. It also applies a multiplier to the delay that (after:) and (live:) wait. However, it does not affect transitions at all, which is to say it has no effect on (t8n-time:) or (t8n-delay:).

⚙️: this button lets you configure Debug Mode's settings. These settings are saved in browser localStorage, so that they should be preserved across multiple debugging sessions. In Harlowe 3.3.0, the following settings are available.

Debug panel is dark: changes the panel to a white-on-black colour scheme rather than black-on-white.

Debug panel is transparent unless the cursor is over it: a feature that lets you see the passage beneath the panel as long as the mouse isn't hovering over it. You may turn this off if you find it distracting.

Record expression replays: enables or disables replay recording (see "Debug View", below). This can hinder the performance of your story, so you may disable it if you need the story to run closer to its actual speed.

Turns: a dropdown menu listing all of the turns that have currently elapsed in the passage, and the name of the passage visited at the start of the turn (note that the (redirect:) macro can transport the player between multiple passages during a single turn). Select a turn to undo (or redo) to that turn, as if navigating the web browser's history.

Debug View: toggles "Debug View" (see below).

DOM View: toggles "DOM View", a special view, intended for those familiar with HTML and CSS, that highlights and names all of the HTML DOM elements in the passage, to make it easier to examine how Harlowe's code structures are converted to HTML elements, which is useful for writing CSS rules targeting those elements.

Close button: clicking this closes the Debug Mode panel and exits Debug Mode. Once this is done, there is no way to return to Debug Mode except via another (debug:) macro call.

Debug View:

This is a special viewing mode that makes otherwise-invisible code structures visible, and lets you examine how they were interpreted by Harlowe. When enabled, it applies the following features.

Macro calls in the passage prose become visible, as translucent coloured rectangles containing the macro's name. These rectangles also surround any displayed output of the macro (such as that produced by (print:), (display:), (nth:) and so forth). If a replay is available (see below), a 🔍 button is also present next to the macro's name. Note that only the "bottommost" macro is visible - nested macro calls aren't made visible, but can be observed in the replay.

Plain variables in the passage prose become visible, as translucent coloured rectangles containing the variable's name, and surrounding the variable's output.

Hooks become visible, as tiny [ and ] marks surrounding their contained content. If the hook is named, a tag such as < name| appears after the closing ] mark.

Enchanted hooks (or other enchanted areas, such as links or the passage element) have a faint orange and cyan border around them.

A few notification messages are inserted in certain places. For instance, when a hook's contents were repeated using the (for:) changer, a notification message displaying the number of loops (repetitions) is visible at the start of the hook.

Replays:

Clicking the 🔍 buttons on macro calls or error messages will produce a replay of that call, which is a dialog showing a step-by-step view of how the macro call's code was interpreted by Harlowe, starting with the initial call as written (such as ) and computing that call's values one step at a time (in this case, the steps are , and ).

For performance reasons, Harlowe only records replay data after Debug Mode is enabled (and if the setting to record replays is enabled in Debug Mode's settings). The (debug:) macro can enable it after startup, but any macro calls that were run after the (debug:) call was run will have replay data available.

Hyperlinks are the player's means of moving between passages and affecting the story. They consist of link text, which the player clicks on, and a passage name to send the player to.

Inside matching non-nesting pairs of [[ and ]] , place the link text and the passage name, separated by either- > or < - , with the arrow pointing to the passage name.

You can also write a shorthand form, where there is no < - or - > separator. The entire content is treated as a passage name, and its evaluation is treated as the link text.

Example usage:

Details:

The interior of a link (the text between [[ and ]] ) may contain any character except ] . If additional- > s or < - s appear, the rightmost right arrow or leftmost left arrow is regarded as the canonical separator.

has a link text of "A->B->C->D" and a passage name of "E"

has a link text of "B<-C<-D<-E" and a passage name of "A".

If the passage name of a link does not exactly match that of an existing passage, but it does if you render the markup in or around it, then Harlowe will use that name. So, you can put markup inside the link, as well as variables or value macros like (either:).

will link to the passage named "//Seagulls!//" if it exists, or the passage named "Seagulls!" if that exists.

is a link that goes to the passage whose name is in the variable $shellyPlace .

Links can be customised by attaching changer macros, like (transition-depart:) or (text-style:). Just place one in front of the link, like so:( t8n-depart: "dissolve" ) [[ Recall that day ]] - or attach a variable containing one:$memory [[ Recall that day ]] . You can also customise every link in the passage using (change:) or (enchant:), and ?Link.

This syntax is not the only way to create links - there are many link macros, such as (link:), which can be used to make more versatile hyperlinks in your story.

Style markup

It's expected that you'd want to apply styles to your text - to italicise a word in dialogue, for example. You can do this with simple formatting codes that are similar to the double brackets of a link. Here is what's available to you:

Styling

Markup code

Result

HTML produced

Italics
// text // text

Boldface
'' text '' text

Strikethrough text
~~text~~ text

Emphasis
* text * text

Strong emphasis
** text ** text

Superscript
meters / second^^ 2 ^^
meters/second ²
meters / second < sup > 2 < / sup >

Emphasis and strong emphasis appear identical to italics and boldface by default (though they can be changed using CSS) and are offered for those with familiarity with the Markdown language. Italics and boldface are offered for those with familiarity with SugarCube, Twine 1, or TiddlyWiki.

Example usage:

Details:

You can nest these codes - will produce bold italics - but they must nest symmetrically. will not work.

A larger variety of text styles can be produced by using the (text-style:) macro, attaching it to a text hook you'd like to style. And, furthermore, you can use HTML tags like as an additional styling option.

Macro markup

A macro is a piece of code that is inserted into passage text. Macros are used to accomplish many effects, such as altering the game's state, displaying different text depending on the game's state, and altering the manner in which text is displayed.

Built in macros:

There are many built-in macros in Harlowe. To use one, you must call upon it in your passage by writing the name, a colon, and some data values to provide it, all in parentheses. For instance, you call the(print:) macro like so: . In this example, print is the macro's name, and 54 is the value.

The name of the macro is case-insensitive, dash-insensitive and underscore-insensitive. This means that almost any combination of case, dashes and underscores in the name will be ignored. You can, for instance, write as , , , , , , , or almost any other combination or variation. There is, however, ONE exception: the name cannot start with an underscore _, because that would make it a temp variable.

Custom macros:

In addition to built-in macros, it is also possible to write your own macros, using the (macro:) macro. You need to save these macros inside a variable or temp variable using the (set:) macro. Once you've done so, you can call it much like it was a built-in macro, except by replacing the name with the variable: is how you would call a custom macro stored in the variable $someCustomMacro, and is how you would call a custom macro stored in the temp variable _anotherCustomMacro. Note that you can't use dataname access to use macros that are inside arrays or datamaps: is, unfortunately, not a valid custom macro call.

Passing data:

You can provide any type of data values to a macro call - numbers, strings, booleans, and so forth. These can be in any form, as well - is an expression that produces a single string, "Redbelly", and can be used anywhere that the joined string can be used. Variables, too, can be used with macros, if their contents matches what the macro expects. So, if $var contains the string "Redbelly", then , and are exactly the same.

Historical note:

Variable markup

Due to this syntax potentially conflicting with dollar values (such as $1.50) in your story text, variables cannot begin with a numeral.

You can print the contents of variables, or any further items within them, using the (print:) and (for:) macros. Or, if you only want to print a single variable, you can just enter the variable's name directly in your passage's prose.

Furthermore, if the variable contains a changer command, such as that created by (text-style:) and such, then the variable can be attached to a hook to apply the changer to the hook:

Note: While you can normally display the contents of variables by simply placing their names directly in passage prose, such as$ship or $crew , you have to use another macro, such as (print:), to display the contents of arrays, datamaps, or other structures, such as or .

Note 2: Even though named hooks' names are case-insensitive, variable names are case-sensitive. So, $Chips and $chips are considered different variables.

Note 3: In Harlowe 3, If you use a story-wide variable that doesn't exist (that is, it hasn't been created via (set:), (put:), and so forth), then a default value of 0 will be used in its place. So, will show the text "0". This is likely to change in a future version of Harlowe, however.

Hook markup

The (font:) macro is one of several macros which produces a special styling changer, instead of a basic data type like a number or a string. In this case, the changer changes the attached hook's font to Courier New, without modifying the other text.

You can save this changer to a variable, and then use it repeatedly, like so.

The basic (if:) macro is used by attaching it to a hook, too.

For more information about changer macros, consult the descriptions for each of them in turn.

Named hook markup

For a general introduction to hooks, see their respective markup description. Named hooks are a less common type of hook that offer unique benefits. To produce one, attach a "nametag" to the front or back, similar to how a macro call would be attached:

(Hook nametags are supposed to resemble triangular gift box nametags.)

The above (click:) and (replace:) macros can remotely refer to and alter the hook using its name. This lets you, for instance, write a section of text full of tiny hooks, and then attach behaviour to them further in the passage:

As you can see, the top sentence remains mostly readable despite the fact that several words have (click:) behaviours assigned to them.

Built in names:

There are four special built-in hook names, ?Page, ?Passage, ?Sidebar, and ?Link, which, in addition to selecting named hooks, also affect parts of the page that you can't normally style with macros. They can be styled using the (change:) or (enchant:) macros.

?Page selects the page element (to be precise, the element) and using it with the (change:) and (bg:) macros lets you change the background of the entire page.

?Passage affects just the element that contains the current passage's text (to be precise, the element) and lets you, for instance, change the(text-colour:) or (font:) of all the text, or apply complex (css:) to it.

?Sidebar selects the passage's sidebar containing undo/redo icons (). You can style it with styling macros, or use(replace:) or (append:) to insert your own text into it.

?Link selects all of the links (passage links, and those created by (link:) and other macros) in the passage. This is similar to thelinks data value for HookName data.

Hidden hooks are an advanced kind of named hook that can be shown using macros like (show:). For a general introduction to named hooks, see their respective markup description.

There may be hooks whose contained prose you don't want to be visible as soon as the passage appears - a time delay, or the click of a link should be used to show them. You can set a hook to be hidden by altering the hook tag syntax - replace the> or < mark with a parenthesis.

(You can think of this as being visually similar to the pointed tails of comic speech balloons vs. round, enclosed thought balloons.)

In order to be useful, hidden hooks must have a name, which macros like (show:) can use to show them. Hence, there's no way to make a hidden unnamed hook - at least, without using a conditional macro like(if:).

Unclosed hook markup

Its main purpose is to let you easily deploy hook changers that apply to the remaining text of the passage, without having to place and keep track of closing brackets at the end. For instance, the (click:) macro can be used with the ?page hook name to prompt the reader to click anywhere on the page to reveal the rest of the passage. The unclosed hook markup lets you use it as many times as you want, without needing to balance a number of closing brackets at the end of the passage.

Other changer macros, such as (link:), (more:), (event:), and (transition:), also work well with this markup.

Also, unclosed hooks can be named, and marked as hidden, just like other hooks.

HTML markup

If you are familiar with them, HTML tags (like ) and HTML escapes (like &sect; ) can be inserted straight into your passage text. They are treated very naively - they essentially pass through Harlowe's markup-to-HTML conversion process untouched.

Example usage:

Details:

You can also include a tag containing CSS code. The CSS should affect the entire page until the element is removed from the DOM. You could use this in a "header" or "footer" tagged passage, inside an (if:) hook, to make the CSS apply to every passage where the(if:) condition is fulfilled.

Finally, you can also include HTML comments < ! -- Comment -- > in your code, if you wish to leave reminder messages or explanations about the passage's code to yourself.

HTML script tag markup

If a tag has a type attribute, and the MIME-type in that attribute is anything other than 'text/javascript', Harlowe will ignore it (in keeping with HTML's normal behaviour).

No Harlowe internal methods and modules are currently accessible inside scripts. However, jQuery 3.6 may be accessed from the $ global variable. This is a third-party library that Harlowe uses internally and whose code is included in every compiled story, and is not retrieved via CDN or any online connections.

As of Harlowe 3.3.0, elements are run while Harlowe runs the macros and expressions in a passage. Thus, if a macro or hook is before the tag in the passage, it will be run beforehand, and if a macro or hook is after it, it will be run after it. To defer the execution of Javascript code until the passage is fully rendered or run, consider using a setTimeout callback.

As of Harlowe 3.3.0, Javascript code in elements (that is, without a src attribute) has access to Harlowe variables - both story-wide variables that begin with $ , and temporary (temp) variables that begin with_ which are visible in the same hook as the element. Harlowe variables are accessed by writing the Harlowe variable name as if it were a Javascript variable. Valid Harlowe variable names are also coincidentally valid Javascript names, so there's no need to escape or modify them. Assigning to these names will immediately update the Harlowe variable, if possible.

Example usage:

Details:

To eliminate any confusion: These names are not Javascript variables, or even global window properties, but object getters and setters added to the script's scope using a with statement. These names do not pollute or overwrite the global scope (although they shadow any global variables with the same names, such as window. $arr being shadowed by a Harlowe variable $arr), and remain accessible and current even inside a callback created within the script. Moreover, even though these names are created using a with statement, it is still possible to opt into Javascript's"strict mode" by placing the "use strict" pragma at the start of the script.

If "strict mode" is not enabled for the script, an error will not occur if you attempt to assign to a Harlowe variable that doesn't exist, such as by writing - instead, a global Javascript variable will be created.

Harlowe variables in Javascript currently have the following restrictions.

Only the following six Javascript datatypes may be assigned to Harlowe variables: booleans, strings, numbers (except NaN and Infinity), Maps (created by Map() or a subclass) that have only strings as keys, Sets (created by Set() or a subclass) and Arrays. These last three data structures can only contain the aforementioned six datatypes. Attempting to assign other values will produce an error. The restriction on Map keys may be removed in a future version of Harlowe.

Only the following Harlowe datatypes may be accessed from Javascript: numbers, booleans, strings, datamaps, datasets and arrays. These last three data structures can only contain the aforementioned six datatypes. Attempting to read other values from Harlowe variables will produce an error.

Of course, if the Harlowe variable was type-restricted (using the -type syntax in a (set:), (put:) or (unpack:) macro call) then this restriction will also apply to Javascript assignments. Assigning the wrong datatype to a type-restricted Harlowe variable will cause an error.

Data structures are deep-cloned when read from Harlowe variables and assigned to Harlowe variables. Hence, Javascript code cannot receive direct references to Harlowe values. This is to prevent Harlowe data structures from being deeply mutated (such as by calling .set () on a Harlowe datamap, or .push () on a Harlowe array) as a way of circumventing the previous two restrictions.

As a consequence of the above, "expando" properties (such as ) are erased from data structures, and data structures created from subclasses of Map, Set or Array will be converted to instances of the base class.

Story-wide variables that were only created after the was run will NOT be available to the script, even if the script creates a callback function that is called later.

A redundant note:

Verbatim markup

As plenty of symbols have special uses in Harlowe, you may wonder how you can use them normally, as mere symbols, without invoking their special functionality. You can do this by placing them between a pair of ` marks.

Example usage:

I want to include ``single graves ` in my story`` , so I place them between two grave marks.

There's no hard limit to the amount of graves you can use to enclose the text.

If you want to make an entire hook to be displayed verbatim, without its markup being rendered, you can attach the (verbatim:) changer.

Bulleted list markup

You can create bullet-point lists in your text by beginning lines with an asterisk * , followed by whitespace, followed by the list item text. The asterisk will be replaced with an indented bullet-point. Consecutive lines of bullet-point items will be joined into a single list, with appropriate vertical spacing.

Remember that there must be whitespace between the asterisk and the list item text! Otherwise, this markup will conflict with the emphasis markup.

Example usage:

Numbered list markup

You can create numbered lists in your text, which are similar to bulleted lists, but feature numbers in place of bullets. Simply begin single lines with 0 . , followed by whitespace, followed by the list item text. Consecutive items will be joined into a single list, with appropriate vertical spacing. Each of the 0 . s will be replaced with a number corresponding to the item's position in the list.

Remember that there must be whitespace between the 0 . and the list item text! Otherwise, it will be regarded as a plain number.

If you use multiple 0 . tokens ( 0.0 . , 0.0.0 . etc.) for the bullet, you will make a nested list, which uses different numbering from outer lists, and are indented deeper. Use nested lists for "children" of normal list items.

Example usage:

Aligner markup

Right-alignment, resembling ==> is produced with 2 or more = s followed by a > .

Left-alignment, resembling <== is restored with a < followed by 2 or more = .

Justified alignment, resembling <==> is produced with < , 2 or more = , and a closing > .

Mixed alignment is 1 or more = , then >< , then 1 or more = . The ratio of quantity of left = s and right = s determines the alignment: for instance, one= to the left and three = s to the right produces 25% left alignment.

Any amount of whitespace is permitted before or after each token, as long as it is on a single line.

Example usage:

You may apply alignment to specific hooks in your passages by attaching the (align:) macro to them.

Column markup

Column markup is, like aligner markup, a special single-line token which indicates that the subsequent text should be laid out in columns. They consist of a number of | marks, indicating the size of the column relative to the other columns - the total width of all columns equals the page width, and this is divided among the columns by their | marks. They also have a number of = marks surrounding it, indicating the size of the column's margins in CSS "em" units (which are about the width of a capital M).

All text from the token onward, until the next token is encountered, is contained in the specified column. A |==| token ends the set of columns and returns the page to normal.

Columns are laid out from left to right, in order of appearance.

Any amount of whitespace is permitted before or after each token, as long as it is on a single line.

Example usage:

You can create nested columns by enclosing the inner set of columns in an unnamed hook, like so.

Heading markup

Heading markup is used to create large headings, such as in structured prose or title splash passages. It is almost the same as the Markdown heading syntax: it starts on a fresh line, has one to six consecutive # s, and ends at the line break.

Example usage:

As you can see, unlike in Markdown, opening whitespace is permitted before the first #.

Horizontal rule markup

A hr (horizontal rule) is a thin horizontal line across the entire passage. In HTML, it is a element. In Harlowe, it is an entire line consisting of 3 or more consecutive hyphens - .

Example usage:

 --- ---- -----

Whitespace markup

"Whitespace" is a term that refers to "space" characters that you use to separate programming code tokens, such as the spacebar space, and the tab character. When used inside the macro syntax, they are considered interchangeable in type and quantity - using two spaces usually has the same effect as using one space, one tab, and so forth.

Harlowe tries to also recognise most forms of Unicode-defined whitespace, including the quads, the per-em and per-en spaces, but not the zero-width space characters (as they may cause confusion and syntax errors if unnoticed in your code).

Collapsing whitespace markup

Example usage:

Details:

You can nest this markup within itself - {Good { gumballs!}} - but the inner pair won't behave any differently as a result of being nested.

Text inside macro calls (in particular, text inside strings provided to macro) will not be collapsed. Neither will text outputted by macro calls, either - will still print 3 newlines (see the String article for the meaning of the \n escape code), and will still display all of the whitespace in the "Attic" passage.

Also, newlines inside the verbatim syntax will not be collapsed either.

Note that Harlowe's default CSS already collapses consecutive spaces in a single line, but not vertical whitespace (which is converted to elements). If you change it, using the CSS property (such as by in your story stylesheet), then the effects of this syntax in removing horizontal whitespace will become noticeable.

If the markup contains a (replace:) command attached to a hook, the hook will still have its whitespace collapsed, even if it is commanded to replace text outside of the markup.

You may apply this collapsing effect to specific hooks using the (collapse:) macro. In particular, if you wish for the entire passage's whitespace to collapse, consider using (change: ?passage) and(collapse:).

If you only want to remove specific line breaks, consider the escaped line break markup.

Unclosed collapsing whitespace markup

As with the the unclosed hook markup, this has advantages in situations where keeping track of closing brackets would be slightly inconvenient. If you use revision macros or enchantment macros like (change:), (replace:), (click:) and so forth, you can place those at the end of your passage, and use a single{= to separate them from the rest of the passage. Additionally, you can place a {= at the start of your passage to cause the entire passage's whitespace to be collapsed, allowing you to write additional prose without needing to have a closing brace after all of your additions.

All of the details pertaining to the collapsing markup apply here - consult its article for more information.

Escaped line break markup

Sometimes, you may want to write an especially long line, potentially containing many macros. This may not be particularly readable in the passage editor, though. One piece of markup that may help you is the \ mark - placing it just before a line break, or just after it, will cause the line break to be removed from the passage, thus "joining together" the lines.

Example usage:

Details:

Like most passage text markup, this cannot be used inside a macro call (for instance, ( print: \
3 ) ) - but since line breaks between values in macro calls are ignored, this doesn't matter.

The (set: ) macro

Stores data values in variables, optionally allowing you to permanently restrict the variable to a single datatype.

Example usage:

Rationale:

Variables are data storage for your game. You can store data values under special names of your choosing, and refer to them later.

The following example demonstrates where temp variables are usable.

Variables have many purposes: keeping track of what the player has accomplished, managing some other state of the story, storing hook styles and changers, and other such things. You can display variables by putting them in passage text, attach them to hooks, and create and change them using the (set:) and(put:) macros.

Details:

In its basic form, a variable is created or changed using variable to value ) . You can also set multiple variables in a single (set:) by separating each VariableToValue with commas: , etc. Note: currently, each value in a VariableToValue is evaluated before any of them are stored in their variables. This means that, for instance, will, in the second (set:) call, cause 2 and to be evaluted to 2 and (i.e. 4) before being put in $olives and $grapes, respectively. This may change in a future version of Harlowe.

You can also use it in expressions on the right-side of to . Much as in other expressions, it's a shorthand for what's on the left side: is a shorthand for .

Due to the variable syntax potentially conflicting with dollar values (such as $1.50) in your story text, variables cannot begin with a numeral.

Typed variables:

A common source of errors in a story is when a variable holding one type of data is mistakenly overridden with a different type of data, such as when putting "1" (the string "1") into a variable that should hold numbers. A good way to guard against this is to make the variable a typed variable, which is permanently restricted to a single datatype. The first time you set data to the variable, write to permanently restrict $days to numbers. That way, if you accidentally put"1" into it, an error will appear immediately, explaining the issue. Moreover, typed variables serve a code documentation purpose: they help indicate and explain the purpose of a variable by showing what data is meant to be in it. You can use any datatype before the-type syntax - see the article about datatype data for more details.

In addition to just restricting a variable to a type, you may wish to specify that a variable should only hold one value for the entire story - a style changer, for instance, or a datamap holding fixed values for a procedural-generation algorithm. For these, you want to use the const (short for "constant") datatype. Using this, the variable is guaranteed to constantly hold that value for the entirety of the story (or, if it's a temp variable, the passage or hook).

See also:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (put: ) macro

Example usage:

Rationale:

This macro has an identical purpose to (set:) - it creates and changes variables. For a basic explanation, see the rationale for(set:).

Almost every programming language has a (set:) construct, and most of these place the variable on the left-hand-side. However, a minority, such as HyperTalk, place the variable on the right. Harlowe allows both to be used, depending on personal preference.(set:) reads as variable to value ) , and (put:) reads as value into variable ) .

Details:

Just as with (set:), a variable is changed using value into variable ) . You can also set multiple variables in a single (put:) by separating each VariableToValue with commas: , etc.

You can also use typed variables with (put:) - permanently restricts $days to numbers. Consult the article about (set:) for more information about typed variables.

it can also be used with (put:), but, interestingly, it's used on the right-hand side of the expression: .

See also:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (move: ) macro

A variant of (put:) that, if transferring data from a data structure, deletes the source value after copying it - in effect moving the value from the source to the destination.

Example usage:

( move: $arr 's 1st into $var )

Rationale:

You'll often use data structures such as arrays or datamaps as storage for values that you'll only use once, such as a list of names to print out. When it comes time to use them, you can remove it from the structure and retrieve it in one go.

Details:

You must use the into keyword, like (put:), with this macro. This is because, like (put:), the destination of the value is on the right, whereas the source is on the left.

If the data value you're accessing cannot be removed - for instance, if it's an array's length - then an error will be produced.

This macro works very well with the random data value of arrays: will remove a random value from $deck and put it into $card. Thus, you can use arrays as random "decks" of values that you can draw from and use once in your story.

Note that this will only delete the data from the source if the source is inside a data structure. Moving from variable to variable, such as by , won't cause $p to be deleted.

See also:

(put:), (set:)
Added in: 1.0.0
The (print: ) macro

(print: Any) → Command

This command prints out any data provided to it, as text.

Example usage:

Details:

It is capable of printing things which (str:) cannot convert to a string, such as changers - but these will usually become bare descriptive text like . You may find this useful for debugging purposes.

This command can be stored in a variable instead of being performed immediately. Notably, the expression to print is stored inside the command, instead of being re-evaluated when it is finally performed. So, a passage that contains:

Note that, once stored in a variable, a (print:) command is not a string. So, you can't provide it to (upperfirst:) and other such macros. will produce an error. However, if $name contains a string, you can provide it to(upperfirst:) before giving it to (print:), such as .

If you need this command to print strings without the markup in the string being rendered, you may use the (verbatim:) changer to change the command, or use the(verbatim-print:) variant instead.

See also:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (display: ) macro

This command writes out the contents of the passage with the given string name. If a passage of that name does not exist, this produces an error.

Example usage:

Rationale:

Suppose you have a section of code or source that you need to include in several different passages. It could be a status display, or a few lines of descriptive text. Instead of manually copy-pasting it into each passage, consider placing it all by itself in another passage, and using (display:) to place it in every passage. This gives you a lot of flexibility: you can, for instance, change the code throughout the story by just editing the displayed passage.

Details:

Text-targeting macros (such as (replace:)) inside the displayed passage will affect the text and hooks in the outer passage that occur earlier than the (display:) command. For instance, if passage A contains( replace: "Prince" ) [ Frog ] , then another passage containing will result in the text Frogs .

Like all commands, this can be set into a variable. It's not particularly useful in that state, but you can use that variable in place of that command, such as writing $var in place of .
Added in: 1.0.0
The (if: ) macro

This macro accepts only booleans (variables with true or false , or expressions using is , contains , or another such operator), and produces a changer that can be attached to hooks to hide them "if" the value was false.

Example usage:

will show the You're a spider! hook if $legs is 8 . Otherwise, it is not run.

Rationale:

Details:

Note that the (if:) macro only runs once, when the passage or hook containing it is rendered. Any future change to the condition (such as a (link:) containing a (set:) that changes a variable) won't cause it to "re-run", and show/hide the hook anew.

However, if you attach (if:) to a named hook, and the (if:) hides the hook, you can manually reveal the hook later in the passage (such as, after a (link:) has been clicked) by using the (show:) macro to target the hook. Named hooks hidden with (if:) are thus equivalent to hidden named hooks like|this) [] .

Alternatives:

The (if:) and (hidden:) macros are not the only attachment that can hide or show hooks! In fact, a variable that contains a boolean can be used in its place. For example:

By storing a boolean inside $isAWizard , it can be used repeatedly throughout the story to hide or show hooks as you please.

if you want to conditionally display very short strings, or small values inside a macro call, you may want to use the shorter(cond:) macro instead.

See also:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (unless: ) macro

For more information, see the documentation of (if:).

Example usage:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (else-if: ) macro

This macro's result changes depending on whether the previous hook in the passage was shown or hidden. If the previous hook was shown, then this changer hides the attached hook. Otherwise, it acts like(if:), showing the attached hook if it's true, and hiding it if it's false. If there was no preceding hook before this, then an error message will be printed.

Example usage:

Rationale:

If you use the (if:) macro, you may find you commonly use it in forked branches of source: places where only one of a set of hooks should be displayed. In order to make this so, you would have to phrase your(if:) expressions as "if A happened", "if A didn't happen and B happened", "if A and B didn't happen and C happened", and so forth, in that order.

The (else-if:) and (else:) macros are convenient variants of (if:) designed to make this easier: you can merely say "if A happened", "else, if B happened", "else, if C happened" in your code.

Details:

Just like the (if:) macro, (else-if:) only checks its condition once, when the passage or hook contaning it is rendered.

The (else-if:) and (else:) macros do not need to only be paired with (if:)! You can use (else-if:) and(else:) in conjunction with boolean variables, like so:

If you attach (else-if:) to a named hook, and the (else-if:) hides the hook, you can reveal the hook later in the passage by using the (show:) macro to target the hook.

if you want to conditionally display very short strings, or small values inside a macro call, you may want to use the shorter(cond:) macro instead.

See also:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (else: ) macro

This is a convenient limited variant of the (else-if:) macro. It will simply show the attached hook if the preceding hook was hidden, and hide it otherwise. If there was no preceding hook before this, then an error message will be printed.

Example usage:

Rationale:

After you've written a series of hooks guarded by (if:) and (else-if:), you'll often have one final branch to show, when none of the above have been shown. (else:) is the "none of the above" variant of(else-if:), which needs no boolean expression to be provided. It's essentially the same as , but shorter and more readable.

For more information, see the documentation of (else-if:).

Notes:

Just like the (if:) macro, (else:) only checks its condition once, when the passage or hook contaning it is rendered.

Due to a mysterious quirk, it's possible to use multiple (else:) macro calls in succession:

This usage can result in a somewhat puzzling passage source structure, where each (else:) hook alternates between visible and hidden depending on the first such hook. So, it is best avoided.

If you attach (else:) to a named hook, and the (else:) hides the hook, you can reveal the hook later in the passage by using the (show:) macro to target the hook.

See also:
Added in: 1.0.0
The (for: ) macro

Also known as: (loop:)

When attached to a hook, this repeats the attached hook, setting a temporary variable to a different value on each repeat.

Example usage:

Rationale:

Suppose you're using arrays to store strings representing inventory items, or character datamaps, or other kinds of sequential game information - or even just built-in arrays like(history:) - and you want to print out a sentence or paragraph for each item. The (for:) macro can be used to print something "for each" item in an array easily - simply write a hook using a temp variable where each item should be printed or used, then give (for:) an "each" lambda that uses the same temp variable.

Details:

If no extra values are given after the lambda (for instance, by using ... with an empty array), then nothing will happen and the attached hook will not be printed at all.

The temp variable inside the hook will shadow any other identically-named temp variables outside of it: if you , then , the inner hook will print "2" and "3", and you won't be able to print or set the "outer" _a.

As it is a changer macro, (for:)'s value is a changer which can be stored in a variable - this command stores all of the values originally given to it, and won't reflect any changes to the values, or their container arrays, since then.

Alternatives:

You may be tempted to use (for:) not to print anything at all, but to find values inside arrays using (if:), or form a "total" using(set:). The lambda macros (find:) and (folded:), while slightly less straightforward, are recommended to be used instead.

See also:
Added in: 2.0.0
The (either: ) macro

(either: ...Any) → Any

Give this macro several values, separated by commas, and it will pick and return one of them randomly.

Example usage:

Rationale:

There are plenty of occasions where you might want random elements in your story: a few random adjectives or flavour text lines to give repeated play-throughs variety, for instance, or a few random links for a "maze" area. For these cases, you'll probably want to simply select from a few possibilities. The (either:) macro provides this functionality.

Details:

As with many macros, you can use the spread ... operator to place all of the values in an array or dataset into (either:), and pick them randomly. , for instance, will choose one possibility from all of the array contents.

If you want to pick two or more values randomly, you may want to use the (shuffled:) macro, and extract a subarray from its result.

If you want to pick a value more reliably - for instance, to pick a value randomly, but keep using that same value in subsequent visits to the passage - you may want to store an (either:) result in a variable using (set:) in an earlier passage, and use that whenever you want to use the result.

See also:

(nth:), (random:), (shuffled:), (cond:)
Added in: 1.0.0
The (cond: ) macro

(cond: Boolean, Any, ...Any) → Any

When given a sequence of booleans (the "conditions") paired with values, this provides the first value that was paired with a true condition. This can give you one value or another based on a quick check.

Example usage:

Rationale:

In situations where you would write something like this,

you could instead simply write this.

Details:

This macro is intended to resemble the "cond" function in Lisp, as well as the "ternary" operator in numerous other programming languages (though it does not perform short-circuiting). It also might remind you of the values given to(dm:) - a piece of metadata, followed by its matching data - except that(dm:) ties names to data, whereas this ties conditions to data.

If only one value was given to (cond:), then that value will be returned as-is.

Except for the last, every odd value given to (cond:) must be a boolean, or an error will occur.

See also:
Added in: 3.1.0
The (nth: ) macro

(nth: Number, ...Any) → Any

Given a positive whole number and a sequence of values, this selects the nth value in the sequence, where n is the number. If n is larger than the number of items in the sequence, the selection loops around to the start.

Example usage:

Rationale:

This macro is designed to be used in passage prose, letting you quickly display one of a varying range of phrases or sentences based on a certain value. In addition to being useful with story variables, it's useful with the visit identifier, allowing you to vary the text shown on each subsequent visit to a passage, with more consistent variation than if you were using(either:).

Details:

You can, of course, access a specific value in a sequence using the (a:) macro and the 's or of syntax - is functionally very similar to , and other uses of the (nth:) macro. (nth:), however, allows the given value to exceed the bounds of the sequence - would produce 1, whereas would produce an error.

If you wish to use (nth:) to display very large blocks of prose, you may wish to simply put that prose in hooks, and use (if:) to selectively display one, such as by writing .

See also:
Added in: 3.1.0
The (verbatim: ) macro

(verbatim: ) → Changer

Also known as: (v6m:)

When attached to a hook or command, the markup inside that would normally be rendered into HTML is instead presented as plain text, as if the verbatim markup was used on it.

Example usage:

prints a kaomoji without fear of its source being interpreted as markup.

Rationale:

Harlowe conveniently allows you to print strings containing markup and variables, such as "Your rank is ''$rank''" , rendering them as if they were written directly in the passage. However, there are many situations where you would prefer not to do so, and where you can't conveniently wrap that content in the verbatim markup. Chief among these is player-inputted text: since players can write valid Harlowe markup into(prompt:) and (input-box:) elements, displaying such text could cause no end of disaster for your story. Additionally, since this text can also include unmatched verbatim markup, attempting to encase it in verbatim markup is non-trivially difficult. This macro provides an easier way to guarantee that the markup, if present, is not rendered.

In addition, you may want to write a hook without having to worry about the task of placing its contents inside verbatim markup, or write a hook containing textual references to HTML or Harlowe code. Even if it turns out to be unnecessary, having this macro on hand can be reassuring.

Details:

This macro takes no values - each changer value it produces is the same.

If you would like to use this macro to simply print a variable's contents, the (verbatim-print:) macro may be more to your liking.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (verbatim-print: ) macro

(verbatim-print: Any) → Command

Also known as: (v6m-print:)

A convenient combination of (verbatim:) and (print:), this prints out any single argument given to it, as text, but without rendering the resulting text as markup.

Example usage:

Rationale:

Details:

As with (print:), once text is given to this command, there's no easy way to extract it from the command value without using(source:). So, you can't provide it to (upperfirst:) and other such macros. will produce an error. Instead, convert the original string using(upperfirst:) before giving it to (verbatim-print:).

See also:

(verbatim:), (print:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (change: ) macro

Example usage:

Rationale:

While changers allow you to style or transform certain hooks in a passage, it can be tedious and error-prone to attach them to every occurrence as you're writing your story, especially if the attached changers are complicated. You can simplify this by storing changers in short variables, and attaching just the variables, like so:

Nevertheless, this can prove undesirable: you may want to not use the _ghost styling later in development, which would force you to remove the attached variables to avoid producing an error; you may want to only style a single word or phrase, and find it inconvenient to place it in a hook; you may simply not like dedicating variables to storing changers, or in placing (set:) macros at the start of your passage's prose.

Instead, you can give the hooks the name "ghost", and then (change:) them afterward like so:

This has a few advantages. As it ties the changer styling to a hook name rather than a variable, the (change:) can be removed later without causing errors. Placing the (change:) at the end of the passage can also make the passage's source more readable, the textual content being closer to the top.

Details:

The (change:) macro can target plain text instead of hooks, much like (click:) - simply provide a string instead of a hook name. If a "via" lambda is supplied to (change:) instead of a changer, then that lambda is used to compute a changer dynamically, using the pos keyword to distinguish each hook that's enchanted. For instance, changes only even-numbered instances of the letter "O".

Using (text-colour:) with this macro will let you change the colour of links inside the indicated hook, with one exception: using (change:) to change the entire passage (via?passage or ?page ) with (text-colour:) will NOT affect links. This is to allow you to re-style the entire story without having to lose the distinct colour of links compared to passage text. You can change the colour of all links using an explicit or by using (that is, with unclosed hook markup).

You can't use this macro to change the appearance or behaviour of a completely empty hook, such as . Completely empty hooks (that haven't had text inserted by (replace-with:) and the like) are always hidden by Harlowe.

You cannot use (change:) with (link:), (replace:), or any of its relatives - because the enchanted hook or text is already in the passage, the link can't appear and it can't replace anything.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (enchant: ) macro

Example usage:

Rationale:

This is a special version of (change:) which doesn't just perform a single transformation of a set of hooks or text - rather, like(click:), it creates an ongoing effect that constantly checks and reapplies the changers whenever new hooks or text are inserted into the passage, persisting until you navigate to another passage. Consider the following:

Details:

The (enchant:) macro takes the same values as (change:) - a string can be given instead of a hook name, and a lambda can be given instead of a changer. See(change:)'s article for more details about these.

This macro works well in "header" or "footer" tagged passages - using a lot of (enchant:) commands to style certain words or parts of every passage, you can essentially write a "styling language" for your story, where certain hook names "mean" certain colours or behaviour. (This is loosely comparable to using CSS to style HTML class names, but exclusively uses macros.)

When targeting ?Page, ?Passage and ?Sidebar, there is generally no difference between using (enchant:) and using (change:), as there (usually) aren't any other hooks with those names in the passage.

The enchantment created by this macro cannot change the appearance or behaviour of a completely empty hook, such as . However, once a hook stops being empty (such as when the (append:) macro appends to it), the enchantment created by this macro will automatically start applying to it.

See also:
Added in: 2.0.0
The (enchant-in: ) macro

Example usage:

Rationale:

While (change:) and (enchant:) both allow hooks to have changers or styles applied to them, these macros produce commands that must be placed in the passage, and which affect every match within the passage. It can sometimes be convenient to restrict the effect of(enchant:) to just matches within a single area of prose, especially when matching using strings, the?Link hook name, or ?Page 's chars . Thus, you can use (enchant-in:), attaching it to a hook that encloses the area you want it to affect. The enchantment it produces will be treated as though it didn't exist outside of the attached hook.

Details:

You can use built-in hook data names such as lines and chars with this macro, such as by , which will style all of the lines in the attached hook with $changer. However, this construction appears counterintuitive when written out - the HookName selects all of the lines in the page, but only those within the attached hook are styled. So, more readable shorthand macros exist for both of these -(line-style:) and (char-style:) - which you ought to use instead.

This enchantment will be listed in the "Enchantments" tab of the Debug Mode panel when it's active, alongside enchantments created by (enchant:).

Due to Harlowe engine limitations, this currently does NOT work when created by a lambda given to or , such as in .

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (hooks-named: ) macro

When given a string, this creates a HookName from it. This can be used to dynamically create HookNames.

Example usage:

Rationale:

The standard syntax for referring to hooks, in macros such as (replace:), (change:) or (show:), is to write a HookName, such as ?door . That syntax, though, requires that you hard-code the name of the hook. This macro lets you construct a HookName from one or more existing strings or other variables, so that the exact hook referenced depends on the game state.

This macro is called (hooks-named:) to avoid confusion with (hook:), and also to convey that a HookName will refer to any number of hooks as long as they have the same name.

Details:

Note that the HookNames produced by this macro have the same functionality as other HookNames. In particular, you can specify the 1st hook, 2ndlast and so forth by writing, for instance, . Also note that the built-in HookNames can be constructed with this macro -( hooks-named: "passage" ) is the same as?passage .

If an empty string is given, then this will cause an error.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (border: ) macro

(border: String, [String], [String], [String] ) → Changer

Also known as: (b4r:)

A changer macro that applies a CSS border to the hook.

Example usage:

Details:

This macro affects the style of the border, and accepts the following border names.

String

Example

"none"

Example text

The default size of the border, with no other CSS changes to any elements, is 2px (2 pixels), unless a change is applied using (border-size:).

Due to browser CSS limitations, the border will force the hook to become a single rectangular area. The hook can no longer word-wrap, and moreover occupies every line in which its text is contained. So, this changer is best suited for entire paragraphs of text (or hooks using the (box:) changer) rather than single words or phrases.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (border-colour: ) macro

(border-colour: String or Colour, [String or Colour], [String or Colour], [String or Colour] ) → Changer

Example usage:

Details:
(hook:)
Much like (text-colour:), this accepts either a Colour (such as those produced by (hsl:) or (rgb:), or plain literals like#fff ), or a CSS colour string.

Certain (border:) styles, namely "ridge", "groove", "inset" and "outset", will modify the colour, darkening it for certain parts of the border to produce their namesake appearance.

Selecting "transparent" as the colour will cause the border to "disappear", but also cause the space surrounding the hook to remain.

See also:

(bg:), (text-colour:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (border-size: ) macro

(border-size: Number, [Number], [Number], [Number] ) → Changer

Also known as: (b4r-size:)

When applied to a hook being changed by the (border:) changer, this multiplies the size of the border by a given amount.

Example usage:

Details:

The default size of borders added using (border:) is 2px (2 pixels). The number given is a number of CSS pixels to set the new size to. Since CSS pixels don't exactly correspond to display pixels (such as, for instance, if the browser window is zoomed in) then it's possible to have a non-whole number of CSS pixels (such as 1.5, which would, if the browser window was zoomed in to 200%, become 3 display pixels). Thus, this macro accepts numbers with fractional values. That being said, if a number lower than 0 is given, an error will be produced.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (corner-radius: ) macro

(corner-radius: Number, [Number], [Number], [Number] ) → Changer

When applied to a hook, this rounds the corners by the given number of pixels, causing the hook to become increasingly round or button-like.

Example usage:

Details:

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (hsl: ) macro

(hsl: Number, Number, Number, [Number] ) → Colour

Also known as: (hsla:)

This macro creates a colour using the given hue (h) angle in degrees, as well as the given saturation (s) and lightness (l) percentages, and, optionally, the transparency (alpha, or a) percentage, which is a fractional value between 0 (fully transparent) and 1 (fully visible).

Anything drawn with a partially transparent colour will itself be partially transparent. You can then layer such elements to produce a few interesting visual effects.

Example usage:

Rationale:

The HSL colour model is regarded as easier to work with than the RGB model used for HTML hexadecimal notation and the (rgb:) macro. Being able to set the hue with one number instead of three, for instance, lets you control the hue using a single variable, and alter it at will.

Details:

This macro takes the same range of numbers as the CSS hsla () function.

Giving alpha percentages higher than 1 or lower than 0 will cause an error.

See also:
Added in: 2.0.0
The (rgb: ) macro

(rgb: Number, Number, Number, [Number] ) → Colour

Also known as: (rgba:)

This macro creates a colour using the three red (r), green (g) and blue (b) values provided, whose values are numbers between 0 and 255, and, optionally, the transparency (alpha, or a) percentage, which is a fractional value between 0 (fully transparent) and 1 (fully visible).

Anything drawn with a partially transparent colour will itself be partially transparent. You can then layer such elements to produce a few interesting visual effects.

Example usage:

produces .

produces the number 90.

Rationale:

The RGB additive colour model is commonly used for defining colours: the HTML hexadecimal notation for colours (such as #9263AA) simply consists of three hexadecimal values placed together. This macro allows you to create such colours computationally, by providing variables for certain components.

Details:

This macro takes the same range of numbers as the CSS rgb () function.

Giving values higher than 255 or lower than 0 will cause an error. Former versions of Harlowe did not allow fractional values to be given, but that restriction is no longer present.

Giving alpha percentages higher than 1 or lower than 0 will cause an error.

See also:
Added in: 2.0.0
The (lch: ) macro

(lch: Number, Number, Number, [Number] ) → Colour

Also known as: (lcha:)

This macro creates a colour using three values in the CIELAB colour model - a lightness (l) percentage, a chroma (c) value, and a hue (h) angle in degrees, and, optionally, the transparency (alpha, or a) percentage, which is a fractional value between 0 (fully transparent) and 1 (fully visible).

Anything drawn with a partially transparent colour will itself be partially transparent. You can then layer such elements to produce a few interesting visual effects.

Example usage:

Rationale:

The CIELAB colour model is considered to be more universally useful than the RGB model and its HSL representation, whose treatment of "lightness" doesn't properly reflect the actual perceived luminosity of the colours in question. For instance, this colour (produced by ) and this colour (produced by ) have the same HSL lightness (0.5), but one appears to the human eye to be less bright than the other, due to one hue being less luminous than the other.

The lightness in LCH more closely corresponds to how the human eye perceives luminosity - produces , and produces , which, as you can see, is a pair closer in luminosity than the previous pair. Note that this means the lightness and hue values of LCH are not directly transferable between (hsl:) and this macro - they have different meanings in each. A hue angle in LCH is usually between 10 and 20 degrees less than its angle in HSL, varying by the LCH lightness.

Additionally, CIELAB's colour model replaces the "saturation" value of HSL with "chroma". Rather than being a single percentage from 0 to 1, LCH's chroma is a value whose upper bound varies with the colour's hue, reflecting how the human eye distinguishes some hues more accurately than others.

Details:

Despite all of the above, any colour produced by this macro will have to be internally converted back to HSL in order to be used, due to HTML and CSS not fully supporting LCH as of 2020. As such, colours produced by this macro are constrained by HSL's limits - as LCH accepts a greater variety of chroma and lightness combinations than what HSL can represent, the output colour will be automatically converted to the nearest valid HSL values, if necessary.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (complement: ) macro

(complement: Colour) → Colour

When given a colour, this provides a complement to that colour.

Example usage:

( complement: orange ) produces .

Details:

This is a very simple macro - the returned colour is the same as the input colour, except that its LCH hue (as given to the (lch:) macro) has been rotated by 180 degrees, producing a colour with equivalent chroma and luminosity, but an opposite hue.

Note that, unlike (text-colour:), this will not take a string containing a CSS colour. This is because it operates purely on Harlowe colour data, and doesn't have a means of converting CSS colours into colour data.

See also:

(lch:), (mix:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (palette: ) macro

Example usage:

Rationale:

Intended for game jams and rapid prototyping, (palette:) provides a quick and simple palette for stories and passages. When you aren't too fussed with making your story look significantly different from the Harlowe default, but just want a certain colour scheme to provide a certain mood, or colour a specific passage differently to offset it from the rest of the story, you can defer the task of choosing text or background colours to this macro. It will choose colours which contrast with the given colour to attempt to maximise readability, while still having an interesting relationship with the given colour's hue.

Details:

The following type strings are accepted.

String

Explanation

"mono"

The returned colours are tints and shades of the given colour.

"adjacent"

The returned colours' hues are 30° to the left, 30° to the right, and 60° to the right of the given colour's hue.

"triad"

The returned colours' hues are 140° to the left, 140° to the right, and 180° to the right of the given colour's hue.

This macro interprets the passed-in colour as a background colour, and the three colours it provides are intended as text colours - but you can easily use them for other purposes. The given colour could be used as a text colour, and any of the received colours could be used as different backgrounds.

The three returned colours all have a luminosity chosen to provide sufficient contrast with the given colour's luminosity. If the given colour's luminosity is very low or very high (near 0 or 1) then the returned colours will have a luminosity near the other extremity.
Added in: 3.2.0
The (gradient: ) macro

(gradient: Number, ...Number, Colour) → Gradient

When given a degree angle, followed by any number of number-colour pairs called " colour stops", this macro produces a gradient that fades between those colours in the direction of the angle.

Example usage:

The above example produces Sunshine Desert

Rationale:

An easy way to add a subtle sense of depth, texture, direction or variety to elements in Harlowe, without having to create and import background images from outside of Twine, is to use this macro to generate a gradient, a dynamically-generated background which can be used with (background:).

A gradient consists of a series of flat colours. One of those colours will be used on one side of the element, one on the other, and the space in between will smoothly fade between them. You can supply additional colours that the gradient will smoothly fade to in between the start and end colours, too.

To specify where exactly these intermediate colour fades will occur on the element, the colours are paired with a percentage number - 0 being one side of the element, 1 being the other, 0.5 being exactly in-between. This pairing is called a "colour stop".

The six colour stops are , , , , , and . This corresponds to the following gradient, which for documentation purposes has its colour stops marked.
(gradient:)'s first argument is a degree angle, which can be used to rotate the gradient's direction, changing where the first and last colours are placed in the element. Changing the degree angle in the above example from 90 degrees to 0 changes it from a horizontal gradient to a vertical gradient, using the same colours and stops:
Any angle can be given to (gradient:), including diagonal values like 40 or 66.

Details:

An error will be produced if you give colour-stop percentages that aren't between 0 and 1, or give less than 2 colour-stops. However, any number of degrees given to (gradient:), even below 0 or above 359, will automatically be rounded to fit the 0-359 degree range - so, a value of 380 will become 20.

You do not necessarily need to supply colour-stops at positions 0 and 1 - instead, the nearest colour-stop to those positions will be extended to the edge of the gradient. Furthermore, you don't need to supply colour-stops in ascending order - they will be reordered by Harlowe if they are not.

See also:
Added in: 3.1.0
The (stripes: ) macro

When given a degree angle, a pixel distance, and two or more colours, this macro produces a gradient that draws a striped background, with each stripe as wide as the distance, and alternating through the given colours.

Example usage:

Rationale:

The (gradient:) macro can be used to dynamically create gradient backgrounds, which smoothly transition between multiple colours. By using certain pairs of colour stops that are very close together, however, you can create gradients where the colours transition sharply, producing stripes. Rather than use that macro, you can instead use this one to generate striped backgrounds succinctly, that repeat uniformly, and with easily-adjusted stripe width.

Details:

The degree angle matches that given to (gradient:). A number of 0 causes the stripes to be drawn horizontally, and increasing that number rotates the stripes counter-clockwise. Any number below 0 or above 359 will automatically be rounded to fit the 0-359 degree range - so, a value of 380 will become 20.

The distance value given is in pixels, and determines the width of a single stripe.

(stripes:) gradients still have a "stops" array, accessible via $stripeGradient 's stops , as with other gradients. Even though (stripes:) doesn't accept "colour stops", this array still contains colour stop datamaps, as if this gradient had been generated by (gradient:). There are two "stops" for each colour, and instead of a "percent" value, they have a "pixels" value. So,$stripeGradient 's stops's 1st's colour will produce the colour of the first stripe,$stripeGradient 's stops's 3rd's colour will produce the colour of the second stripe, and so forth.$stripeGradient 's stops's 2nd's pixels will produce the pixel width of each stripe.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (mix: ) macro

(mix: Number, Colour, Number, Colour) → Colour

Example usage:

Rationale:

Details:

The colours are mixed in the LCH colourspace. What this means is: the colours are converted to their LCH datamaps (accessible as $colour 's lch ), and then (omitting a few minor details) their hue, lightness and chroma values are averaged. Then, the averaged values are used to construct a new colour, as if by the(lch:) macro.

The two numbers (the ratios) are decimal values from 0 to 1. Numbers above or below will produce an error when given.

Additionally, if the two ratios add up to less than 1, then the difference will be converted into additional transparency, which is used to multiply the mixed colour's alpha. For instance, for , the ratios 0.15 and 0.45 add up to only 0.6, which is 0.4 less than 1. So, the mixed colour's alpha (of 1) is multiplied by 0.6 (and thus made 40% more transparent than it would've been otherwise).

See also:

(lch:), (complement:)
Added in: 3.3.0
The (macro: ) macro

Use this macro to construct your own custom macros, which you can (set:) into variables and call as easily as a built-in macro.

Example usage:
(stripes:)
The following custom macro creates a command that displays a randomly rotated hook in red, with the given opacity.

The following custom macro creates a text string based on how many turns the player has taken. It takes no data.

The following custom macro takes a datamap containing a character's attributes, and prints a line of text describing a character.

Rationale:

This macro provides you with the means to expand Harlowe's collection of built-in macros with custom utilities tailored specifically for your story. While many Twine projects are simple hypertext stories, there are many that use it to make more complicated simulations, role-playing games, generative art, and so on. Being able to craft a personal language of macros in which to write the many algorithms and textual structures such games involve is essential to keeping your code succinct and readable.

Writing the parameters:

Custom macros consist of two structures: a set of data inputs (called parameters), and a body of code that creates the output.

Each parameter consists of a datatype or pattern of data, the "-type" suffix, and a temp variable, just like typed temp variables created with (set:). When you, the author, call the macro and give data at that parameter's position, it is put into the temp variable if it fits the datatype. A macro stored in $treasure with can be called by . The types are checked, and if they don't match (for instance, by incorrectly writing ), then an error will result. This ensures that incorrectly written custom macro calls are caught early, just like with built-in macros.

As with TypedVars used in other places, you can use a complex data structure as the "type" of the variable - specifies a parameter that requires an array of two numbers. If you wish to write a very general value-selection or data-structure macro, such as or , that can take any kind of data value, you can write any -type for that parameter. However, using any -type is not recommended unless you genuinely need it, as you miss out on the ability to catch wrong-type errors.

You might, on occasion, want to make a macro that can take an arbitrary amount of values, similar to certain built-in macros like , , and so forth. To do this, you can place the spread ... syntax in front of a parameter's datatype. Just as a spread datatype matches zero or more values when it is used with the matches operator, a spread parameter represents zero or more values of the same data type that you give to a macro call. Think of this as the opposite counterpart of the spread... syntax in macro calls. Instead of turning one value (such as an array) into many spread-out values, this turns many values into a single array value. A custom macro stored in $mean with can be called with , which sets _n to . sets _n to , and sets _n to . Note that because it takes every value at or after it, it must be the final parameter of your custom macro.

Writing the code:

The CodeHook, conversely, is where the code of your custom macro is written. You can (set:) temp variables in it, use (if:), (for:),(cond:), and so forth to run different sections of code, and finally output something using either (output:) or (output-data:). (Consult each of those macros' articles to learn the exact means of using them, and their differences.) The temp variables specified by the aforementioned typed variables are automatically set with the passed-in data.

Custom macros can be called like any other macro, by using the variable instead of a name: is how you would call a custom macro stored in the variable $someCustomMacro, and is how you would call a custom macro stored in the temp variable _anotherCustomMacro.
(gradient:)
If you want to use a custom macro throughout your story, the best place to create it is in a "startup" tagged passage. This will aid in testing your story, as those passages' contents are always run first, regardless of the starting passage.

Normally, players can't see inside code hooks, but if an error occurs inside a custom macro, the error message will have an "Open" button allowing the code hook's interior to be viewed. You can take advantage of this by adding (print:) commands inside the code hook, showing you what certain variables contain at certain places in the hook.

Details:

You can, of course, have zero parameters, for a macro that needs no input values, and simply outputs a complicated (or randomised) value by itself.

All custom macros must return some value. If no (output:) or (output-data:) macros were run inside the code hook, an error will result.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (output: ) macro

Also known as: (out:)

Example usage:

Rationale:

Details:

You can combine (output:) with other changers, like (text-style:) or (link:). The hook that is displayed by the command will have those other changers applied to it.

As you might have noticed, (output:) accepts no values itself - simply attach it to a hook.

Attempting to use (output:) outside of a custom macro's CodeHook will cause an error.

As of 3.3.0, custom commands created by (output:) that are stored in story-wide variables can be saved using (save-game:), just like any other value. Be warned, however, that these commands take up space in browser storage proprotional to the number and size of temp variables used inside the custom macro, and the size of the attached hook. If you're concerned about browser storage space, consider limiting the complexity of custom commands you store in story variables.

See also:

(output-data:), (error:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (output-data: ) macro

(output-data: Any) → Instant

Also known as: (out-data:)

Use this macro inside a (macro:)'s CodeHook to output the value that the macro produces.

Example usage:

Rationale:

For more information on custom macros, consult the (macro:) macro's article. All custom macros have inputs and output. This macro specifies the data value to output - provide it at the end of your macro's CodeHook, and give it the value you want the macro call to evaluate to.

Details:

As soon as an (output-data:) macro is run, all further macros and code in the CodeHook will be ignored, much like how the (go-to:) and (undo:) macros behave.

Attempting to call (output-data:) outside of a custom macro's CodeHook will cause an error.

See also:

(output:), (error:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (error: ) macro

(error: String) → Instant

Designed for use in custom macros, this causes the custom macro to immediately produce an error, with the given message string, and ceases running any further code in the CodeHook.

Example usage:

Rationale:

Allowing your custom macros to produce insightful error messages is essential to making them user-friendly, especially if you intend other authors to use them. In the example above, for instance, an empty string inputted to the $altCaps macro would causes (folded:) to produce an error, as ... _input would spread zero characters. However, the earlier custom error provides a better message, explaining exactly what the problem is.

Details:

If an empty string is given to this macro, an error (different from the intended error) will be produced. Also, attempting to call (error:) outside of a custom macro's CodeHook will cause another (also different from intended) error.

See also:
Added in: 3.2.0
The (datatype: ) macro

(datatype: Any) → Datatype

This macro takes any storeable value, and produces a datatype that matches it.

Example usage:

Rationale:

This isn't a macro you're likely to commonly use, because most of the time, you have exact knowledge of the types of data you use throughout your story. But, this can be helpful in custom macros created with (macro:), if they have any any -type parameters. Being able to identify the exact type that such a value is allows you to give types to other data based on that type.

Details:

The only types that this will return are "general" types, like string , number , boolean and such. More specific types like even , or descriptive types like empty , will not be returned, even if it's given a value that matches those types. Nor will spread datatypes be returned - even if a given string consists only of, say, digits, then ... digits won't be returned instead of str .

if there isn't a known datatype value for the given data (for instance, if you give it a HookName) then an error will be produced.

See also:

(source:), (datapattern:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (datapattern: ) macro

(datapattern: Any) → Any

This takes any storeable value, and produces a datatype that matches it, in a manner similar to (datatype:). However, when given an array or datamap, it creates an array or datamap with its values replaced with their datatypes, which can be used as a more accurate pattern with matches or (set:) elsewhere.

Example usage:

( datapattern: ( a: 15 , 45 ) ) produces ( a: num , num ) .

produces (as long as the passage has no metadata macros in it).

( datapattern: $value ) matches $value2 checks if $value2 exactly matches the structure of $value.

Details:

The (datatype:) macro is useful for examining and comparing the datatypes of values, but when dealing with arrays and datamaps, each of which can have radically different purposes and meanings throughout your story, that macro only produces array or dm when given them, which isn't too helpful when checking if one array is similar to another. This macro produces a more precise result - an array or datamap with datatypes replacing its values - which is compatible with the matches operator, the (set:) macro, parameters of the (macro:) macro, and other places where datatypes are useful.

Details:

This won't return structures containing spread datatypes, even if those could plausibly describe the passed-in data structure - an array with 26 numbers in it will, when given to this macro, produce an array containing num 26 times, no more or less.

Note that this does not produce any string patterns, like those produced by (p:) - any string given to this will still result in str being returned.

See also:

(source:), (datatype:)
Added in: 3.2.0
The (partial: ) macro

(partial: String or CustomMacro, [ ...Any] ) → CustomMacro

When given either the string name of a built-in macro, or a custom macro, followed by various values, this creates a custom macro that serves as a shorthand for calling the given macro with those values, plus any additional values.

Example usage:

Rationale:

This is designed as a shorthand for writing certain common macro calls with the same first values over and over. Think of (partial:) as creating a partial macro call - one that isn't finished, but which can be used to make finished calls to that macro, by providing the remaining values.

Details:

Don't fall into the trap of thinking the values given to (partial:) will be re-evaluated on each call of the custom macro! For instance, will not produce a custom macro that is always equivalent to . Remember that(history:) produces an array of passage names each time it's called. It is that array that is given to (partial:), so every call to the produced custom macro will use that array, and not whatever the current (history:) array would be.

Unlike macros created with (macro:), the "params" data name of macros created with (partial:) is always an empty array.

As of 3.3.0, this can not be used with metadata macros such as (metadata:) or (storylet:). Giving "metadata", "storylet" or other such macros' names will produce an error.

See also:
Added in: 3.3.0
The (a: ) macro

(a: [ ...Any] ) → Array

Also known as: (array:)

Creates an array, which is an ordered collection of values.

Example usage:

Rationale:

For an explanation of what arrays are, see the Array article. This macro is the primary means of creating arrays - simply supply the values to it, in order.

Details:

Note that due to the way the spread ... operator works, spreading an array into the (a:) macro will re-create the original array unchanged: is the same as just$array .

See also:

(dm:), (ds:)
Added in: 1.0.0
The (dm: ) macro

(dm: [ ...Any] ) → Datamap

Also known as: (datamap:)

Creates a datamap, which is a data structure that pairs string names with data values. You should provide a string name, followed by the value paired with it, and then another string name, another value, and so on, for as many as you'd like.

Example usage:

Rationale:

For an explanation of what datamaps are, see the Datamap article. This macro is the primary means of creating datamaps - simply supply a name, followed by a value, and so on.

In addition to creating datamaps for long-term use, this is also used to create "momentary" datamaps which are used only in some operation. For instance, to add several values to a datamap at once, you can do something like this:

...will set $element to one of those elements if $monsterName matches the correct name. But, be warned: if none of those names matches $monsterName, an error will result.

See also:

(a:), (ds:)
Added in: 1.0.0
The (ds: ) macro

(ds: [ ...Any] ) → Dataset

Also known as: (dataset:)

Creates a dataset, which is an unordered collection of unique values.

Example usage:

Rationale:

For an explanation of what datasets are, see the Dataset article. This macro is the primary means of creating datasets - simply supply the values to it, in any order you like.

Details:

You can also use this macro to remove duplicate values from an array (though also eliminating the array's order) by using the spread... operator like so: .

See also:

(dm:), (a:)
(macro:) Added in: 1.0.0
The (all-pass: ) macro

Also known as: (pass:)

This takes a "where" lambda and a series of values, and evaluates to true if the lambda, when run using each value, never evaluated to false.

Example usage:

Rationale:

The contains and is in operators can be used to quickly check if a sequence of values contains an exact value or values, and, combined with the all and some data names, can check that the values in a sequence merely resemble a kind of value - for instance, that they're positive numbers, or strings beginning with "E". But, they are times when you're writing the same check over and over, like , or something more complicated, and would like the ability to store the check in a lambda and reuse it.

The (all-pass:) macro lets you perform these checks easily using a lambda, identical to that used with (find:) - simply write a "temp variable where a condition" expression, and every value will be put into the temp variable one by one, and the condition checked for each.

Additionally, you can use (all-pass:) just to run a single "where" lambda against a single value - for instance, as a variation of (if:). This is permitted, too - simply write the lambda and the single value. For those cases, you may wish to write it as (pass:), a shorthand form that visually indicates that you're only checking one value rather than "all".

Details:

Of course, if any condition should cause an error, such as checking if a number contains a number, then the error will appear.

If zero values are given to (all-pass:), then it will return true by default.

The temp variable (if you choose to name it instead of using it ) is controlled entirely by the lambda - it doesn't exist outside of it, it won't alter identically-named temp variables outside, and you can't manually(set:) it within the lambda.

You can refer to other variables, including other temp variables, in the where condition. For instance, you can write . However, for obvious reasons, if the outer temp variable is named the same as the lambda's temp variable, it can't be referred to in the condition.

See also:
Added in: 2.0.0
The (altered: ) macro

(altered: Lambda, [ ...Any] ) → Array

This takes a "via" lambda and a sequence of values, and creates a new array with the same values in the same order, but altered via the operation in the lambda's "via" clause. An optional "where" clause can also be provided, which, if its condition is false, causes that particular value to be unchanged.

Example usage:

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Digitale Spiele gehören nicht nur zum Kulturgut, sondern sind aus dem Alltag vieler Menschen nicht mehr wegzudenken. Darüber hinaus bergen sie auch große Potenziale und eröffnen vielfältige Möglichkeiten im Bereich der Bildung und der Förderung von Medienkompetenz.

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PHASE 1: THEMATISCHE EINFÜHRUNG IN DAS GENRE TEXTADVENTURE
Als Einstieg in das Thema Textadventure bietet sich ein Querverweis auf interaktive Textadventures in Buchform (Abenteuer-Spielbücher) sowie ein historischer Rückblick auf die Entwicklung digitaler Abenteuerspiele (z. B. „ Zork" als bekannter Urvater des Textadventures oder Grafik-Text-Hybride der „ Quest-Adventures" von Sierra) an. Im Gegensatz zu klassischen Textadventures navigiert man in Twine Spiele jedoch durch Anklicken von Hyperlinks (wie auf Websites) und nicht per Texteingabe.

PHASE 2: EINFÜHRUNG IN TWINE
Die Teilnehmenden in Zweierteams einteilen. Neben den grundlegenden Funktionen, wie Benutzeroberfläche, Texte einfügen/bearbeiten oder Verlinkungen zwischen den Texten und Textboxen setzen, sollen vor allem die Möglichkeiten des Programms aufgezeigt werden. Dies kann gut anhand fertiger Twine-Spiele demonstriert werden, indem diese zunächst gespielt und anschließend ein Blick „hinter die Kulissen" auf die Baumstruktur vorgenommen wird.

An dieser Stelle kann bereits eine erste Übungsaufgabe gestellt werden wie z. B. eine kurze Geschichte mit mindestens fünf Textboxen und zwei unterschiedlichen Enden.

PHASE 3: ENTWICKLUNG VON GESCHICHTEN
Abhängig vom zeitlichen Umfang des Workshops können die Teilnehmenden entweder direkt in Twine eine Geschichte improvisieren oder zuvor auf Papier ihre eigene Geschichte entwickeln. Denkbar ist ferner die Modifikation bereits bestehender Geschichten wie z. B. ein bekanntes Märchen.

Für die Variante einer eigenen Geschichte bzw. einer Modifikation werden zunächst Hauptfigur und Nebenfiguren charakterisiert. Außerdem wird die Ausgangssituation (Ort, Zeit, Konflikt) skizziert. Analog zu den Textboxen in Twine können auf Klebezetteln oder Karteikarten die verschiedenen Stationen des Protagonisten/der Protagonistin beschrieben werden. Diese werden anschließend in eine zeitliche Ordnung gebracht, mit Verbindungspfeilen versehen und ggf. von den Teilnehmenden für alle mündlich nacherzählt.

ZUSÄTZLICHE INPUTS ZU TWINE (optional)
Je nach Fortschritt und Vorerfahrung der Teilnehmenden können weitere Funktionen in Twine in Form kurzer Inputs demonstriert werden. Auf gestalterischer Ebene lohnt ein Blick auf die Veränderung des Farbschemas und der Schriftart (basierend auf CSS). Auf inhaltlicher bzw. erzählerischer Ebene ist der Einbau von zufallsgesteuerten Textabschnitten sowie die Implementierung von Variablen spannend.

PHASE 4: PRODUKTION DES TEXTADVENTURES UND PRÄSENTATION
Je nach Fokus kann für den Workshop ein quantitatives (z. B. mindestens zehn Textboxen; drei verschiedene Enden...) oder ein qualitatives Mindestziel (z. B. Interaktion mit einer Nebenfigur; ein gutes und ein negatives Ende...) festgelegt werden. Bei ausreichender Zeit können diese Ziele auch kombiniert werden. In der letzten Produktionsphase sollte deutlich auf das festgelegte Zeitlimit hingewiesen werden.

Abschließend stellt jedes Team sein fertiges Textadventure vor. Dafür werden die Spiele am besten auf den Präsentationsrechner übertragen und kurz angespielt. Jede Gruppe erzählt etwas über den Entwicklungsprozess und zur Geschichte. Wenn noch Zeit ist, kann eine gemeinsame „Gaming-Session" mit allen Spielen stattfinden. Bei längeren Workshops können auch die Eltern und Geschwister (Ferienworkshop) oder andere Schulklassen (Projektwoche) zur Abschlusspräsentation eingeladen werden.

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PHASE 1: THEMATISCHE EINFÜHRUNG IN DAS GENRE TEXTADVENTURE Als Einstieg in das Thema Textadventure bietet sich ein Querverweis auf interaktive Textadventures in Buchform (Abenteuer-Spielbücher) sowie ein historischer Rückblick auf die Entwicklung digitaler Abenteuerspiele (z. B. „ Zork" als bekannter Urvater des Textadventures oder Grafik-Text-Hybride der „ Quest-Adventures" von Sierra) an.

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PC
[ = AltGr+8
] = AltGr+9
| = AltGr+<

Mac
[ = Alt+5
] = Alt+6
| = Alt+7

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Since 2004, Games for Change has offered programs and events for people of all ages and backgrounds to explore, learn, and create at the intersection of games and social impact.

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Scratch is a free programming language and online community where you can create your own interactive stories, games, and animations.

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Draw and share simple games with your mouse or fingers!

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You don't need to write any code to create a simple story with Twine, but you can extend your stories with variables, conditional logic, images, CSS, and JavaScript when you're ready.

Twine publishes directly to HTML, so you can post your work nearly anywhere. Anything you create with it is completely free to use any way you like, including for commercial purposes.

The latest version of Twine is 2.8.1, released 3 January 2024.

Looking for the 1.x version of Twine? It's on the IF Archive.

The Twine Reference is a guide to the Twine user interface. If you're new to Twine, start here.

Once you're familiar with Twine, you should learn more about the story format you're using. Story formats are like game engines, and determine the features you'll have access to and the way you'll write code.

The Twine Cookbook has advice on how to choose a story format and easy-to-follow examples of how to accomplish common tasks with each of Twine's built-in formats.

Each of Twine's built-in story formats has an online guide:

Chris Klimas, who created Twine and leads its development, has a Patreon.

You can also make donations in support of Twine to The Interactive Technology Foundation, a registered 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that provides support for the infrastructure of the interactive fiction community.

Some story format developers also accept donations. Visit the web site of the story format you use to find out how you can support continued development.

Non-financial support is important, too. You can help someone out with a question, contribute to the Cookbook, create tutorials of your own, help fix bugs in Twine or its story formats, or translate Twine's user interface to another language.

There are repos for Twine's story formats, too:

Twine is a registered trademark of the Interactive Fiction Technology Foundation. Hosting for this web site is also provided by the IFTF.

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Twine / An open-source tool for telling interactive, nonlinear stories

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DIe App gegen Parolen KonterBUNT zeigt euch, wie ihr richtig auf menschenfeindliche Parolen reagiert. Ladet euch die App auf euer Smartphone oder spielt sie auf dieser Website in eurem Browser

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1378(km) Serious Game | Ein Computerspiel führt an die innerdeutsche Grenze

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Datenbank: Digitale Spiele mit pädagogischem Potential

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Eine für Eltern, Lehrkräfte und Pädagog*innen kuratierte Auswahl für das Lernen mit Games.

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Give the BAFTA Young Game Designers Idea Generator a whirl.

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Spielbar.de rezensiert digitale Spiele und beurteilt ihr pädagogisches Potenzial für die politische Bildung - sowohl für den Einsatz in der Schule als auch für zu Hause.

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i make shtuff for curious & playful peeps

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Damsel in Distress: Part 1 - Tropes vs Women in Video Games

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Stiftung Digitale Spielekultur - Startseite

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Wir sind Chancenbotschafterin und Brückenbauerin für digitale Spiele und veranschaulichen ihre Potenziale in Kultur, Bildung und Forschung.

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Die LAG Jugend & Film Niedersachsen e.V. ist Ihre kompetente Ansprechpartnerin ✅ für bewegte Bilder und für Bilder, die bewegen. ✔

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Creative Gaming – ..mit Spielen spielen!