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Hi pookie, I love how your timed piece explanation actually really explains what's going on in the story and why it matters, like at this part “To further elaborate, the birds began bullying the big bird because he didn’t look like the rest of them and because he is different. They weren’t being inclusive, or kind towards the big bird. Although the bird didn’t seem to be affected by their hurtful actions, they’ll never know if the big bird was truly hurt and was just trying to hide it. Given this information, the theme has shown that no one should be treated in that hurtful manner, and because they did that to him, they should expect something back. Although that isn't always how it is, simply treating someone with kindness is a better way to go, for someone may never know if someone gets karma back.” I also loved how you varied your word choice instead of repeating the same words over and over again. I adore your sum up sentence, “All in all, rudely speak to others and expect the same back.”, you put in a ton of effort into this timed piece you made.

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hi Nina i really like  how  you said “ in truth, the Pixar short  for the birds ,conveys a powerful theme to treat others the way an individual wants to be treated. This is a great part in your paragraph.secondly i like how you worked your explanation but in all i wish that there was more detail in the evidence but overall I really liked It.

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Hi Nina, A strength in your Pixar short piece was how detailed your explanation was as well as your pick of transition words. Which really helped the reader understand the message you were trying to explain from your claim. In addition I think your sum it up sentence really left the reader with the exact lesson you wanted to tell. However, I think the first sentence of your explanation is a bit confusing because of some word choices.

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Hey monkey, i really liked all the transition words you used in your piece, i liked “to further elaborate, As a result, To explain in further detail” and more! I also like your sum up sentence, I liked how you used the word “persistent”. Last thing, I loved how you made sure your whole essay was in the present tense and not the past tense.

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hi,Nina I love your claim sentence and how it was worded. I like that you said “without a doubt.the Pixar short piper,has an incredible theme of not giving up on facing fear and finding new ways to overcome that fear. Secondly i like how you put as a result the theme has developed  since its provided to little kids and even older ones that their always a way past their fear is gives them the motivation to get past their fears and show them that there is a way to always defeat their fear.” This is also a great part that was in your paragraph. I wish that you would a little more detail into your paragraph but over all I really loved this paragraph

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While reading your persuasive essay i think that you detailed your introduction very good because it really got you interested in your persuasive essay. Another thing i think you did great on was providing evidence throughout your body paragraph so it made it sound way more convincing. As though your piece is good i think you can improve your sum up sentence to expand on to sound more convincing but overall it sounded great.

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Hey Nina, the strength in your essay is all the descriptive language. I really liked how you use that in the hook paragraph.Another strength in your essay was figurine language. I loved how you used it throughout your paragraphs. I also loved how you used unique word notices instead of basic ones.

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1. One star of your piece was the crazy amount of description, it almost seems like every single thing that could be described was I felt this throughout your entire piece which is great. Another great thing about your piece was the word Choice, I saw lots of great words chosen throughout and over all just cool words. One wish I have is maybe a longer sum it up sentence

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Hi, Nina I really like how you made the scene in your intro paragraph very descriptive to the reader and had a lot of detail. “she turns the alarm clock towards her,the light blindingly shining in her eyes``.this is a very good part in this story.in addition,I like how you put “the sound of birds chirping early in the morning fills her ears”.I really like this part what a great part for a reader to read.i wish, that you would have put a little more detail into your conclusion paragraph.there where some places that could use some more detail but over all this was great.

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One thing I liked about your narrative was your attention to detail which really made it interesting and stand out. I also liked that you grammar and punctuation was correct. Another thing I liked was your description which really made me feel like I was in the story. Great job!

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Nina, i enjoyed  your memoir! It was great! A strength of your memoir is how you engaged me into your memoir with a strong hook that was very descriptive. Also I like how it was about a small meaningful moment in you life and had a lot of meaning to what happened. In addition I think that your memoir had many great parts that were descriptive and you had great descriptive emotions and figurative language throughout that it was easy to picture the moment. I think this was a strongly written memoir about your last softball game in your tour tent and included many inspirational descriptive moments throughout.

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Nina, I loved your piece! It was fantastic. I loved the figurative language that you added! “The Softball field was the Yankees stadium”. That was a great comparison! You added tons of detail. As soon as it started, I could tell that you were talking about softball. I felt as if I were in the stands watching you! Another thing that was great was your inner thoughts. I would be thinking the same things if I was in the box, for a winning hit! That must have been stressful! Although, I do think you rushed your hits. There wasn’t as much detail as the first paragraph. For the future, maybe try doing one hit, the important hit and add Tons of detail!

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I loved how you used inner thoughts in your memoir! The inner thoughts really brought out your emotions and were used in places that really strengthened your piece. Also, your inner thoughts really helped me understand the kind of situation you were in. Adding on to that, another good thing about your piece was the flashback you gave of you and your dad practicing, before you swing your bat. This really showed how hard you worked and was used in a really intense part of the story, which made it very effective. Finally, a wish that I have regarding your piece is to elaborate more on the lesson you learned. I think the piece would be even stronger if you dove deeper into the lesson you learned.