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As an infant I was vulnerable towards anyone and my caregiver. I just wanted to build a relationship and to have awareness of love and care. My mom said I was very spoiled and wanted to be held a lot. I think it was for secure reasons just knowing that if she held me I will be happy and I'm with her. When it comes to mistrust will be when I had to sleep along in my own bed. My mom said I slept with her until I was 1 yrs old. That's when I felt the unloved moments cause I wasn't able to feel her body and I was afraid to be along so it made me have attachment issues. (Watson & Rayner. 1920) He taught an 11 month-old baby known as " Little Albert" to fear a furry rat.

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1-3 years Early Childhood                                                                                                                               

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As a toddler my mom did everything for me I was the little baby she always wanted a girl. My mom recall this story about me going over to my grandmother's house. My grandmother was the type of women that you had to learn how to do things for yourself. This particular day I wanted to dress myself for church and I was only 3 yrs old. Well I dress myself with purple stripes and dots with green tights and red shoes. In my eyes I was so beautiful but in my little cousin eyes she said you look like a Christmas tree. I cried because they all laughed at my incredible choice of outfit so I was furious and didn't want to come out of the room to go to church. Sigmund Fred (1953). Fred composed how personality was composed of three parts id, ego and superhero.

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Being in preschool with many different kids was very hard for me because I was use to not sharing. All my siblings were older than me and so I didn't have to share anything. This particular day I wanted this doll and my friend wanted the same baby doll. We were playing make believe house, I was the mom and she wanted to be the mom to. I took the doll and hide by throwing it behind the coat cubby. The teacher was looking all over for it so i felt so bad because it was another girls doll. Well the teacher found it and was very upset and was furious and she said whoever did this and don't admit to this will not feel good about not telling the truth. ( Voltner & von Salisch) have suggested that association in mediated by social competence.

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Coming almost into my teenage years my body wasn't developing like some of my girl friends. The thing is that I was called many names as a little girl. My feelings was so hurt by the boys because it was one particular boy that I had a crush on. He hung with the boy who always made fun of me and I always found him laughing at the friend corny jokes. It gave me low self esteem issues wear I used to stuff my beginner bra with tissue. Well we all was playing in the playground and the ruled kid sprayed us with a super soaker (water gun) my tissue inflated and he yelled and said what happen to your ping pongs everyone looked at me with surprised. As children grow older they are more aware of their own feelings and others (Saarni et., 2006).

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Exploring my adolescence life was one of my many differences experience and challenging encounters. I struggle with my appearances in high school freshman year where I dressed like a boy. I enjoyed wearing baggy pants and big shirts to hide my body. Being teased so much made me cover up my body. Well that's when I over heard some girls in the locker room talking about do you think she is a boy? Maybe she's a Jehovah witness and you better hide your address. Those statements made me question my appearances were I started to dress more like a girl. (Kroger & Haslett, 1991) When middle age people look back on their lives they trace a path from foreclosure to moratorium to identity achievement.

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Experience this isolation with not having my father in my life at the age of 22 years old. Just had my first child and my father had came to the house to meet his grand son for the first time. After that my father passed and I was devastated and felt so alone. It put me into deep depression about him leaving me and not saying good bye. My siblings did not communicate with me after the passing of our father. (Westen, 1998)

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Coming into more responsibilities with having a family and a job was beautiful. As I got older things became brighter because my family depended on me. I remember mimicking my mom just like she took care of me. Getting up going to a job I enjoyed was grateful because they all depended on me to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food in the belly. My family is my world I sometimes sacrifice self care for myself so my family will have whatever is needed. (Westen, 1998)

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Today is about me and going back to college has been one of my dreams. This has been very challenging and I had to sacrifice some things but I know it will pay of in the end. This journey is teaching me to remain focus and hit every achievements that are set for me to succeed. Somedays are challenging and I want to give up, but I push myself and work hard towards any situation that comes my way. The wisdom that my mom gave me and always telling me it's never to late for anything you want to do or be helped me till this day. (Westen, 1998)