# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
My approach to
Individual Counseling in Austin, TX

In working with individuals, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative. I help individuals create a stronger sense of self and belonging. My role is to help you clarify what is and isn't working, process painful emotions and transitions, establish new boundaries, and create interdependence in your relationships.

There are many reasons people avoid asking for the help they need.
What was your initial reaction to the thought of coming to therapy? Maybe you resisted the idea because you thought "therapy is for people with real problems." Maybe you resisted the idea because you thought "I'm just in my head, this will go away." Maybe you felt butterflies in your stomach at the thought of having to be honest with someone about how you've really been feeling because you're used to being "on" all of the time.

Let me clarify these for you:

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Individual Counseling in Austin, Texas - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In working with individuals, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative. I help individuals create a stronger sense of self and belonging. My role is to help you clarify what is and isn't working, process painful emotions and transitions, establish new boundaries, and create interdependence in your relationships.

# data[].attributes.headline
Individual Counseling in Austin -Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.subject
Individual Counseling in Austin -Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Individual Counseling in Austin -Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Our goal is working with you is that we can collaborate to understand all of the forces, both positive and negative, that are keeping you stuck. When we look at problems from a place of curiosity rather than judgment, new explanations and solutions begin

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Couples Counseling & Therapy in Austin, Texas

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When you learn how to change your relationship in therapy, you learn how to change your relationship outside of therapy. I help couples create change and tackle complex issues. In working with couples, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Determining if you should try to work things out or call a quits is no easy decision. There are many variables to consider. My hope in working with you is to help you navigate the next step.

My approach to
Discernment Therapy in Austin, TX

Determining if you should try to work things out or call it quits is no easy decision. There are many variables to consider. My hope in working with you is to help you navigate the next step. Has your relationship been stuck for a long time? Does couples therapy and working on the relationship feel like too much pressure on you right now?

For couples that are married and are considering divorce or couples in a longterm relationship considering separating, discernment therapy might be the best starting point for you. Discernment therapy differs from couples therapy in that the goal is to create clarity and an understanding of the relationship up until this point, and not on processing and changing the relationship as in couples therapy.

As a client, discernment therapy will feel different to you than couples therapy because discernment therapy is more geared towards individual understanding in order to create the confidence necessary to decide if you would like to work on the relationship and proceed to couples therapy or not.

Structure for
Discernment Therapy & Divorce Counseling

-An initial session with the couple (50 minutes)
-Meet with individuals one-on-one (50 minutes each)
-Meet with both partners to discuss the individual sessions (50 minutes)
-Meet with both partners together and individually (2 hours total- 15-minute check-in, 30 minutes with one partner, 30 minutes with the other partner, 15 minutes together)
-Meet with the couple together to decide on 1 of 3 paths: 1. keep the relationship as is 2. divorce or end relationship 3. move forward with couples therapy (50 minutes)

If you do not feel comfortable coming to therapy with your partner or your partner is unwilling to meet with a therapist, please know that I offer therapy to individuals going through this process as well.

For more information on discernment therapy click here.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Divorce Counseling & Therapy in Austin, Texas

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Determining if you should try to work things out or call a quits is no easy decision. There are many variables to consider. My hope in working with you is to help you navigate the next step. Determining if you should try to work things out or call it quits is no easy decision.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When you're struggling in your relationship, you may feel lonely, confused and misunderstood. Although your relationship might have seemed blissful and effortless in the beginning, it may have gradually degraded into escalating conflict. Alex Barnette can solve your marital problems, Get Couples Counselings in Austin today!

# data[].attributes.headline
Is there anything worse than looking foolish? - Overcoming a bruised ego after a breakup. - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.subject
Is there anything worse than looking foolish? - Overcoming a bruised ego after a breakup. - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
When going through a breakup, there are times you just want to hide. You don't want to go to the places that remind you of your ex, you don't want to be around the people that are going to ask you about your ex, and you sure as hell don't want to risk running into your ex if there is even a remote possibility you're looking any less than fabulous.

Fortunately, most people no longer have their relationship status listed on Facebook, making any breakup a public announcement. Even so, it can feel like you have "recently divorced" or "recently dumped" plastered on your forehead when you walk into work, go to your usual hangout spots, or spend time with your family.

Your brain says yes, but your ego says no.

Cognitively, most of us can agree there are worse things than looking foolish in front of your peers or your ex. Your ego, however, tells a different story.

When I ask clients what they most fear that people will see, a common theme is not wanting to look foolish and naive. It's expected that you're going to feel sad after a breakup, which makes it easier to accept those feelings. Being sad is vulnerable, but somehow less vulnerable because it's known to come with the territory.

But looking foolish? Oh no. Your ego is not about that.

Your ego wants people to see that you are a strong, independent, unflappable, unshakable individual and-if nothing else-you want people to see that you are . You are so fine that you are to go to all of your usual places and if anyone's taking pictures you will be in those pictures smiling ear to ear. Then at the end of a miserable night, which you forced yourself to fake your way through, you might find yourself asking:

Why do I care so much about what other people think?

If you were looking at this from a place of self-criticism/judgment you'd probably respond with something along the lines of "because I'm shallow" or "because I have low self-worth". In therapy, you learn how to look at this from a place of self-compassion. A compassionate and probably more honest response is that you are trying to protect yourself. You don't want to feel weak and you don't want to feel rejected any more than you already do.

How can I feel more confident about myself?

When we feel rejected what we need most is to feel accepted, but to feel accepted we have to allow ourselves to really be seen. It won't matter that your friends and family believe that you're fine if you know that you're not. If your ego has the mic, try handing it over to the part of you that's in pain.

Whenever you find yourself filling in the blanks of what people might think about you, ask yourself, "Do think that about me?" and notice your body's response. Chances are you are interpreting messages based on your current experience.

Breakups are a painful and vulnerable transition. Remind yourself that being vulnerable does not mean you are weak. Being vulnerable means you are human. The only humans that don't experience vulnerability are those that also have no capacity for empathy, and you can't connect without empathy. It's ok to be vulnerable.

Confidence comes from accepting all parts of who you are, even the ones your ex didn't. Looking like a fool won't feel nearly as painful or threatening when you know for yourself that you are not one. You might even develop a sense of humor about yourself. When you experience (not just know) that you can be your genuine self without disconnecting from yourself and the people around you, you begin to feel more self-assured.

If you need help starting this process of self-compassion and self-acceptance please feel free to reach out to me at info@alexbarnettecounseling.com.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Is there anything worse than looking foolish? - Overcoming a bruised ego after a breakup. - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When going through a breakup, there are times you just want to hide. You don't want to go to the places that remind you of your ex, you don't want to be around the people that are going to ask you about your ex, and you sure as hell don't want to risk running into...

# data[].attributes.body
Are troubling in relationship and finding the sources to solve your personal problems? Alex Barnette Counselling can help you in this matter. Visit today! https://www.alexbarnettecounseling.com/couples-counseling-austin-tx/

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Couples Counseling & Therapy in Austin, Texas

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When you learn how to change your relationship in therapy, you learn how to change your relationship outside of therapy. I help couples create change and tackle complex issues. In working with couples, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative.

# data[].attributes.body
Want to get couples counseling in Austin? Resolve your relationship issues with Alex Barnette where you can start your relationship with new goals and hope. Visit once today! https://www.alexbarnettecounseling.com

# data[].attributes.headline
Looking forward vs. Looking back — how to balance new goals with reflection - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.subject
Looking forward vs. Looking back — how to balance new goals with reflection - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Every January it's easy to arbitrarily pick new goals and say we want to move towards them, but are we missing a core level of reflection?

By about the week after Christmas, most of us start feeling like the stick figure in this comic. This makes it really tempting to pick nearsighted resolutions based on how you've felt the past few weeks.

Instead, I'd encourage you to take inventory of the entire year. If you haven't made a resolution yet, set aside some time to reflect before committing to one.

How should one reflect on the past year before setting new goals?

There's no one right way to take inventory of your year. If you set any intentions, goals, or resolutions down at the start of this year, now would be a great time to revisit them. If you didn't set any, you might begin by listing every month of the year on a sheet of paper. Next to each month you can write any major highlights or events that come to mind. Try not to think too hard about what you're writing and just allow yourself to write stream of consciousness.

Once you've completed your list, give yourself a little time to sit with it and notice your initial reaction including any thoughts, feelings, or sensations that you're having. For example, you might feel proud, disappointed, satisfied, or sad. You might even feel neutral...which can turn into feeling sad about feeling neutral. Whatever feelings or self-talk you're noticing, try to stay curious with yourself (instead of judgmental or critical) as you start to create the meaning of your year.

What are some tools one can use for self-reflection?

Self-reflection is an inherent part of therapy. One of the perks of self-reflection in therapy is getting to co-construct the meaning you make of your year with your therapist instead of trying to do it alone. Through the use of process questions and feedback, your therapist can help you dig deeper into what sits well with you and what doesn't about the past year.

How would a "year in review" session look in therapy?

Reviewing the year in therapy looks a little different for everyone because everyone enters therapy with different readiness for change and some changes take longer than others. For clients that have been with me a year or more, I'll sometimes pull up old case notes or a client's initial intake paperwork in session to help guide our conversation. Regardless of how long people have been in therapy, however, my experience has been that most people are pretty impatient with themselves/change, and it's usually because they just want to feel good again and get on with their lives. Understandable.

Emotions can be exhausting! If you're thinking about a divorce, you just want to make a decision. If you're going through a divorce, you just want the divorce to be finalized. If you're at an impasse in your relationship, you want a resolution. No one wants to feel lonely, miserable, sad, or any other negative emotion longer than they need to so sometimes people give themselves an arbitrary deadline of a year.

Then when the year comes to a close and they realize there's more work to do in therapy, they initially feel disheartened. Sometimes it's not until we reach certain checkpoints that we realize the expectations we had for them. As you reflect on your year, it's really important to be compassionate and flexible with yourself. A lot can happen in a year and, at the same time, a year really isn't long at all. Some years we go through transitions, some years we build, some years we lose, some years we gain, and some years we maintain. Some years we do all of the above! My point is, a year looks different for everyone.

When you're going through a transition, it's important to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to know how you'll recognize it when it's there, but every journey is unique. We're inundated with messages of scarcity ("Time is running out!"), but I can almost guarantee you have more time than you think. If you set a goal for 2018 and you haven't accomplished it yet, try to question the timeline or the goal before you question yourself.

Case and point, I set a goal of writing 50 blog posts before the end of the year. That was in March. This is post number 22. I could beat myself up about it, but that wouldn't change that I didn't write the posts and it wouldn't motivate me to write more. Ok fine, I did beat myself up about it at certain points. Eventually, I realized writing takes me longer than I thought and, while I enjoy writing 1 post per week, that was pretty much my max.

I'm not advocating for making excuses, but I am advocating for self-compassion. Dream big, but start small. There might be many more steps to accomplishing your goals than you realized, but every step is still a step. Be gentle with yourself.

What happens if I start to have anxiety about my goals?

The first step is to clarify and understand the anxiety. One distinction that can be helpful is the difference between chronic and acute anxiety. Chronic anxiety is a general or reoccurring sense of unease for no apparent reason. If you always feel a little anxious, there is probably not one, single source of your anxiety which means there is not one single solution. Working towards a goal might be one reason you feel anxious, but not the whole picture. In therapy, you can take inventory of all of the variables contributing to symptoms of anxiety and practice with relaxation and mindfulness.

Acute anxiety is anxiety related to a specific event or situation like a first date or a job interview. If you're experiencing acute anxiety with a goal you've set (ex. Meeting new people or taking risks), that anxiety is probably a mix of fear, nervousness, and anticipation and it's probably going to build the closer you get to reaching your goal. Therapy is really helpful in exploring and managing these feelings, but you'll probably still feel anxious until you reach your goal. This is important to know so you don't keep escalating the anxiety-so you don't feel anxious about feeling anxious). Instead of aiming to feel completely calm, you can set a more realistic expectation of managing your anxiety.

What can I do stay focused, calm, and motivated throughout the year?

Be honest with yourself and take what you already know with you into the new year. A new year is a fresh start, but you are not a blank slate. Chances are you have an idea of the reasons you lose your focus, calm, and motivation each year. Tune into those reasons instead of just vowing to be more disciplined this year. You can also plan to re-evaluate your goals every few months.

Some goals are a matter of creating better habits and some goals just take longer. Don't assume not reaching your goal in one year means you failed. Meet yourself where you're at and celebrate each step along the way. You'll get there. You have more time than you think.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Looking forward vs. Looking back - how to balance new goals with reflection - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Every January it's easy to arbitrarily pick new goals and say we want to move towards them, but are we missing a core level of reflection? By about the week after Christmas, most of us start feeling like the stick figure in this comic. This makes it really tempting to pick nearsighted resolutions based on...

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
My approach to
Individual Counseling in Austin, TX

In working with individuals, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative. I help individuals create a stronger sense of self and belonging. My role is to help you clarify what is and isn't working, process painful emotions and transitions, establish new boundaries, and create interdependence in your relationships.

There are many reasons people avoid asking for the help they need.
What was your initial reaction to the thought of coming to therapy? Maybe you resisted the idea because you thought "therapy is for people with real problems." Maybe you resisted the idea because you thought "I'm just in my head, this will go away." Maybe you felt butterflies in your stomach at the thought of having to be honest with someone about how you've really been feeling because you're used to being "on" all of the time.

Let me clarify these for you:

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Individual Counseling in Austin, Texas - Alex Barnette Counseling

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
In working with individuals, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative. I help individuals create a stronger sense of self and belonging. My role is to help you clarify what is and isn't working, process painful emotions and transitions, establish new boundaries, and create interdependence in your relationships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Couples Counseling & Therapy in Austin, Texas

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When you learn how to change your relationship in therapy, you learn how to change your relationship outside of therapy. I help couples create change and tackle complex issues. In working with couples, I would describe my approach as experiential, systemic, and collaborative.