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The dictionary defines story telling as,

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a teller of stories: such as; a relater of anecdotes; a reciter of tales (as in a children's library)... See the full definition

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Traditions behind storytelling

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What's your story

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Pixar is arguably one of the greatest storytellers of our generation.

Over the years, they've won 13 Academy Awards, 9 Golden Globes, and 11 Grammys.

Effective storytelling involves a deep understanding of human emotions, motivations, and psychology in order to truly move an audience.

Luckily, storytelling is something we all do naturally, starting at a very young age. But there's a difference between good storytelling and great storytelling.

I recently stumbled across Pixar's 22 rules of storytelling - here are the top six we can all learn from.

"Storytelling is the greatest technology that humans have ever created." - Jon Westenberg

1. Great stories are universal

Great storytelling is about taking a piece of the human condition (so things like birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict) and conveying it in a unique situation.

Acclaimed Pixar director Pete Docter puts it perfectly:

"What you're trying to do, when you tell a story, is to write about an event in your life that made you feel some particular way. And what you're trying to do, when you tell a story, is to get the audience to have that same feeling."

One way you can do this is to pull apart the stories you like.

Break down every little element about what you love about them. Those are real feelings you're having and you have to recognize them in detail in order to tell a great story yourself.
In other words, self knowledge and awareness are at the the root of all great storytelling.
You are part of the human condition and people will relate to that.

2. Great stories have a clear structure and purpose
Part A (Structure)
One of my favorite ways to develop a compelling story is to use " The Story Spine " formula created by professional playwright and improvisor Kenn Adams.

Pixar has used this story structure to create so many films we know and love today.

It goes:
Once upon a time there was [blank]. Every day, [blank]. One day [blank]. Because of that, [blank]. Until finally [bank].
The Story Spine - Emma Coats

Give the Story Spine a shot to help develop a truly unique story to tell.
Part B (Purpose)
As Pixar writes:

Why must you tell THIS story?

What's the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of?

What greater purpose does this serve? What does it teach?

That's the heart of really great storytelling.
By crafting a story that you are passionate to tell because it serves a real purpose, your stories will have bigger impact on the world.
I think that gets lost a lot of the time.

3. Great stories have a character to root for (an underdog)

Believe it or not, people want to root for you (the main character).

AND they love a good underdog.

This might seem straightforward but it's worth keeping in mind anytime you're creating a story.

Pixar explains that we as the audience admire a character for trying more than for their success. In other words, it's more about the character's journey than it is their actual destination.

When your character is battling against all odds, facing adversity, or their back is against the wall, well then, you have yourself the makings of great story.
In our modern society, for example, everyone loves a good "rags to riches" story. How many times has Forbes published an article about the fearless entreprenuer that dropped everything, almost failed dozens of times along the way, yet still managed to create a multi-million dollar business?

Give the people an unexpected hero to root for.

4. Great stories appeal to our deepest emotions

Psychologists generally agree that there are six basic emotions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise.

If you ever watched the Pixar movie Inside Out, you'll recognize these emotions as characters in the movie.

The more you understand how/when your own emotional levers are pulled, the more you'll appreciate how that works in other people (and the more you'll be able to hone those emotions in your stories).

Consciously being to recognize these various emotions in yourself -and think about the "why".
Why are you feeling a certain way? How might you be able to take the "why" behind your emotions and tell a story?
Continuously question yourself in order to understand your own emotional reactions to stories so that you can learn to tell more authentic stories that reach and move people where it counts.

5. Great stories are surprising and unexpected

We've all seen the classic "fairytale" storyline: a helpless princess in need and a charming prince swooping in to save the day.
Boring (and totally outdated). What makes modern stories compelling are when our perceptions of reality are challenged or changed in some way.
Creators like Pixar and Walt Disney use animated movies as vehicles to address real-life phenomenons, issues, stereotypes, and norms.

Movies such as Brave, Coco, Tangled, and Moana help us to understand and reflect on big, human-centered topics that we might not otherwise take time out of our day to think about.

Many times those topics or themes are surprising and unexpected, leaving the audience thinking about the story well after it is over.

If you're stuck on coming up with something truly unique, Pixar recommends to get rid of the 1st thing that comes to mind - and then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th.

Challenge yourself to dig deep.

6. Great stories are simple and focused

We as audiences know a good story when we see or hear one.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book where you had to keep asking yourself (or someone else) what was happening in the plot?

Not a great experience.
As creators, we naturally want to include as much information as possible in our stories. We want to pack the story full of characters and plot twists and dialogue.
And often times we might not even realize that we're adding layers that don't need to be there.

Pixar's advice here is to "combine characters and hop over detours."

While you as the creator may feel like you're losing lots of valuable stuff, it'll set you free in the end and will allow your audience to get lost in the narrative.

One way to find out if your story is easy to follow is to tell it to a friend or family member who has never heard it before. Watch their face as you read it and try to see where they pause and what questions they might have.

Simplify, simplify, simplify.

22 Rules for Storytelling by Pixar
6 Rules for Great Storytelling originally appeared on the Buffer Podcast:

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6 Rules of Great Storytelling (As Told by Pixar)

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Effective storytelling involves a deep understanding of human emotions, motivations, and psychology in order to truly move an audience. Luckily, storytelling is something we all do naturally...

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in order to tell a story you have to set a mood, you have to introduce the theme.

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Why is storytelling important?

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a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else

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Why are human connections important

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On 21st of January we celebrated #NationalHugDay around the world. It's amazing to see that even for that one day, we can all come together and connect in a beautiful state of awareness and be able to share that with the rest of the world. To take just one day to spread the love through a warm embrace with our surroundings.

So why is it so important to connect with others? Well, firstly this is a simple human need; The strong feeling to connect and love with other human beings. When a baby is born the warmth and touch of the mother is the only thing that keeps a baby from crying. The physical connection with a pure soul. It's sending energy from one person to another.

When meeting someone new, helping someone in need, making love and even expressing your emotions. These are all different types of human connection and can be categorised into four dimensions:

Body connections through physical touch with can be something as simple as a hug, a consoling hand or more intimate such as a kiss and sex.

Mind connections through communication and sharing ideas with others. The social aspect of human connection we use most often.

Heart connections through emotional closeness; sharing emotions, developing feelings for the other person, a sense of intimacy and falling in love.

Spirit connections by sharing a spiritual journey, helping each other grow and coming together to realise a greater purpose.

Take a look at your current relationships and you'll see that every relationship in your life can be categorised in some or all of the dimensions. You'll realise that your closest relationships embrace more of the dimensions than distant relationships like your colleagues, classmates and distant relatives.

In various periods of your life you will find yourself in different dimensions. When we're young we lean more towards the body and mind connections, and as a we become more aware of our personal growth we long more for heart and spirited relationships. So, looking at your life right now, where are you in each one of these four areas? And what kind of connection type would you like more of?

There wouldn't be a #NationalHugDay without doing something of the matter. This was a incredible opportunity to head into the city and spread that pure love even more. Holding large signs saying "Free Hugs" we embarked on our journey on Rotterdam Central Station. Our group was made up of 4 enthusiastic Englishmen, who found the event on Facebook, a girl from Romania living in Rotterdam, a lovely talkshow host, myself, mum, Irwin and some other great people from the city.

I'll be honest, it's not easy at first stepping up to someone and asking them if they would like a hug. It's all part of stepping out of your comfort zone and changing your mindset from "The embarrassment of getting rejected" to "I'm here for you". From thinking about yourself and your own ego to caring for the other person and their worth, it's a simple change that can make a whole lot of difference and immense impact. And within 10 minutes I managed to embrace the first few people who's smiles I will never forget. We often forget that as human beings, it is in our nature to give and create, and that day my friends, we each gave and created to a whopping 60 - 70 people.

This event was organised by Irwin Ment, an incredibly inspiring human being with a love for authenticity and heartfelt living. He is the founder of The Innerviewer, a Dutch talk show that provides a platform for inspiring souls with a creative mindset, who are ready to spread the message of mindful living to the rest of the world.

www.TheInnerviewer.nl
www.facebook.com/Innerviewer

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On 21st of January we celebrated #NationalHugDay around the world. It's amazing to see that even for that one day, we can all come together and connect in a beautiful state of awareness and be able to share that with the rest of the world.

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What is a connection?

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When we experience social pain - a snub, a cruel word - the feeling is as real as physical pain. That finding is among those in a new book, , and it is part of scientist Matthew Lieberman's case that our need to connect is as fundamental as our need for food and water. He answered questions from Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook.

You argue that our need to connect socially is "powerful." But just how powerful is it?

Different cultures have different beliefs about how important social connection and interdependence are to our lives. In the West, we like to think of ourselves as relatively immune to sway of those around us while we each pursue our personal destiny. But I think this is a story we like to tell ourselves rather than what really happens.

Across many studies of mammals, from the smallest rodents all the way to us humans, the data suggests that we are profoundly shaped by our social environment and that we suffer greatly when our social bonds are threatened or severed. When this happens in childhood it can lead to long-term health and educational problems. We may not like the fact that we are wired such that our well-being depends on our connections with others, but the facts are the facts.

What is the connection between physical pain and social pain? Why is this insight important?

Languages around the world use pain language to express social pain ("she broke my heart", "he hurt my feelings"), but this could have all just have been a metaphor. As it turns out it is more than a metaphor - social pain is real pain.

With respect to understanding human nature, I think this finding is pretty significant. The things that cause us to feel pain are things that are evolutionary recognized as threats to our survival and the existence of social pain is a sign that evolution has treated social connection like a necessity, not a luxury. It also alters our motivational landscape. We tend to assume that people's behavior is narrowly self-interested, focused on getting more material benefits for themselves and avoiding physical threats and the exertion of effort. But because of how social pain and pleasure are wired into our operating system, these are motivational ends in and of themselves. We don't focus on being connected solely in order to extract money and other resources from people - being connected needs no ulterior motive.

This has major consequences for how we think about structuring our organizations and institutions. At businesses worldwide, pay for performance is just about the only incentive used to motivate employees. However, praise and an environment free from social threats are also powerful motivators. Because social pain and pleasure haven't been a part of our theory of "who we are" we tend not to use these social motivators as much as we could.

You devote a section of your book to what you call "mindreading." What do you mean by this, and why do you see it as so essential?

First off, I'm not referring to the ESP kind of mindreading. I mean the everyday variety that each of us use in most social interactions. We have a profound proclivity towards trying to understand the thoughts and feelings bouncing around inside the skulls of people we interact with, characters on television, and even animated shapes moving around a computer screen. Although we are far from perfect at gleaning the actual mental states of others, the fact that we can do this at all gives us an unparalleled ability to cooperate and collaborate with others - using their goals to help drive our own behavior.

The funny thing is that thinking about others' thoughts doesn't feel particularly different from most kinds of analytical thinking we do. Yet, fMRI research shows that there are two distinct networks that support social and non-social thinking and that as one network increases its activity the other tends to quiet down - kind of like a neural seesaw. Here's the really fascinating thing. Whenever we finish doing some kind of non-social thinking, the network for social thinking comes back on like a reflex - almost instantly.

Why would the brain be set up to do this? We have recently found that this reflex prepares us to walk into the next moment of our lives focused on the minds behind the actions that we see from others. Evolution has placed a bet that the best thing for our brain to do in any spare moment is to get ready to see the world socially. I think that makes a major statement about the extent to which we are built to be social creatures.

One of the long-standing mysteries of psychology is the question of where the "self" comes from, and what the "self" even means. Does your research shed any light on this question?

Social psychologists have long speculated that the self is a much more social phenomenon then it intuitively feels like from the inside. There have certainly been studies over the years that are consistent with this idea, however neuroscience is bringing new data to bear that speaks directly to this idea.

There's a region of the brain called "medial prefrontal cortex" that essentially sits between your eyes. This region has been shown again and again to be activated the more a person is reflecting on themselves. It is the region that most clearly and unambiguously is associated with "self-processing." If you think about your favorite flavor of ice-cream, precious personal memories, or consider aspects of your personality (e.g. Are you generous? Are you messy?) you are likely to recruit this brain region.

Given that we tend to think of the self as the thing that separates us from others - that allows us to know how we are different and how to walk our own path - it would be surprising if this same medial prefrontal region was involved in allowing the beliefs of others to influence our own. But this is exactly what we have seen in several studies. The more active the medial prefrontal region is when someone is trying to persuade you of something (e.g. to wear sunscreen everyday) the more likely you'll be to change your tune and start using sunscreen regularly. Rather than being a hermetically sealed vault that separates us from others, our research suggests that the self is more of a Trojan horse, letting in the beliefs of others, under the cover of darkness and without us realizing it. This socially-influenced self helps to ensure that we'll have the same kind of beliefs and values as those of the people around us and this is a great catalyst for social harmony.

What does this research tell us about how we should be raising our children, and what does it mean for education?
I think the most important thing is to educate our children about what we are learning about the true role of our social nature in our happiness and success in life. Intellectually, I know all about these things, but if we don't learn them as children, I'm not sure they ever really get into our guts and guide our intuitive decision-making. I think kids would love learning about how the social world works and how their brain makes that possible.

The research on the social brain also leads to direct policy implications for education. The data are clear that children learn better when they learn in order to teach someone else than when they learn in order to take a test. Learning to teach someone else is prosocial and relies on the social networks of the brain. We had no idea these networks could promote memory but now we do. We ought to be doing much more peer learning, particularly age-staggered learning. My ideal situation would be a 14 year who has trouble in the classroom being assigned to teach a 12 year old. The teacher then becomes a coach helping to teach the 12 year old and the 14 year old will reap the benefits of prosocial learning.

Are you a scientist who specializes in neuroscience, cognitive science, or psychology? And have you read a recent peer-reviewed paper that you would like to write about? Please send suggestions to Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook, a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist and regular contributor to NewYorker.com. Gareth is also the series editor of Best American Infographics, and can be reached at garethideas AT gmail.com or Twitter @garethideas.

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Scientist Matthew Lieberman uncovers the neuroscience of human connections-and the broad implications for how we live our lives

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Who do we connect with?

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The most precious commodities on this planet are our health, love, and happiness. Regardless of what we accomplish and accumulate in life, we are unable to take it with us.

In the fast paced, consumer driven, social media shared world that we live in today, success and happiness are often defined by the status of what we achieve, and the value of the things that we own.

Everywhere we look, we are inundated with the same message: the measure of our self-worth is directly equal to the measure of our material wealth.

Whether it's the status car, the trendiest clothes, the luxury home or the CEO title that comes with the envied corner office with a view, these and the many other status symbols of wealth and success seem to forever define our value in our culture today, immortalized by the cinematic perfection of super heroes and super stars, and broadcasted through the perfectly curated lives that bombard us daily by "friends" on social media.

Fueled by equal parts aspiration and expectation, in an entirely odd and unusual way, envy has become the 21st Century's most enduring economic driver, feeding our most persistent social cravings and endless material consumerism.

In our effort to keep up with all that is expected of us - and expected of ourselves - many of us find ourselves in perpetual motion, filling our days with the hyper-active, turbo-charged, "crazy busy" schedules that keep us struggling to eat healthy, find and maintain balance between our work, busy careers, and all that's happening in our personal lives. And despite our success, when we achieve it, it seems that quality personal time for ourselves and for nurturing our relationships has become increasingly more elusive.

Psychologists see a pattern in this success driven culture of busyness and the associated " connection disconnection"of an increasingly digitally remote world, and it's triggering what they say is rapidly becoming a dire epidemic of loneliness. In the elderly, this epidemic of loneliness is known as the "hidden killer."

With our daily use of email, texting, smart phones, professional and social media, we live in an age of instant global connectivity. We are more connected to one another today than ever before in human history, yet somehow, we're actually increasingly feeling more alone.

No longer considered a marginalized issue suffered by only the elderly, outcasts or those on the social fringe, the current wave of loneliness sweeping the nation is hitting much closer to home than you might think. And as shocking as it may seem, new research shows that loneliness may now be the next biggest public health crises to face Americans since the rise of obesity and substance abuse.

In fact, loneliness and its associated depression has become downright rampant, even amongst some of the most successful, with studies showing that business executives and CEOs may actually suffer at more than double the rate of the general public as a whole, which is already an astonishing twenty percent.

What's more, this ever-growing loneliness among the hyper successful is not just a result of the social and professional isolation of living in a more global and digitized world, but rather it's a "lonely at the top" malaise that's spreading largely due to the sheer emotional exhaustion of business and workplace burnout.

Science is now sounding the alarm that there's a significant correlation between feeling lonely and work exhaustion  - and the more exhausted people are, the lonelier they feel. This, of course, is made worse by the ever-growing trend for a large segment of professionals who now work mobile and remotely.

Throughout history, human beings have inherently been social creatures. For millions of years we've genetically evolved to survive and thrive through the "togetherness" of social groups and gatherings. Today, modern communication and technology has forever changed the landscape of our human interaction, and as such, we often decline without this type of meaningful personal contact. Today's highly individualistic, digitally remote, and material driven culture is now challenging all of this, as we turn to science to unlock the mysteries of human connection and wellness in a digitally connected world.
Connection of Disconnection
In a world where some of our most personal moments are "Shared" online with "Friends", business meetings are replaced with digital "Hangouts", and the most important breaking news is "Tweeted" online in a mere 140 characters or less, today we often seem much more captivated by flashing notifications on our mobile phones than what we're actually experiencing outside of our tiny 5'.7" screens.

Mobile technologies ushered in by Internet icons like Google, who have literally defined what it means to have "the world's information at your fingertips", have no doubt brought us one step closer to truly living in a "Global Village". However, no matter how small the world may seem to be getting, it now also feels like it's often becoming a much less personable place to live in as well.

This also means understanding just how much the "connection disconnection" of loneliness negatively impacts our health, and to begin attending to signs and symptoms of loneliness with preventative measures, the very same way we would do with diet, exercise, and adequate sleep.

Dr. John Cacioppo, PhD, is a Professor of Neuroscience and director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, and a leading researcher on the effects on loneliness and human health. According to Dr. Cacioppo, the physical effects of loneliness and social isolation are as real as any other physical detriment to the body - such as thirst, hunger, or pain. "For a social species, to be on the edge of the social perimeter is to be in a dangerous position," says Dr. Cacioppo, who is the co-author of the best-selling book " Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection", hailed by critics to be one of the most important books about the human condition to appear in a decade.

Loneliness changes our thoughts, which changes the chemistry of our brains, says Dr. Cacioppo. "The brain goes into a self-preservation state that brings with it a lot of unwanted side effects." This includes increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone that can predict heart death due to its highly negative effects on the body. This increase in cortisol triggers a host of negative physical effects - including a persistent disruption in our natural patterns of sleep, according to Dr. Cacioppo. "As a result of increased cortisol, sleep is more likely to be interrupted by micro-awakenings," reducing our ability to get enough quality sleep, that in time begins to erode our overall greater health and well-being.

One of the most important discoveries of Dr. Cacioppo's research, is the Epigenetic impacts that loneliness has on our genes. In his recent studies, tests reveal how the emotional and physical impacts of loneliness actually trigger cellular changes that alter the gene expression in our bodies, or "what genes are turned on and off in ways that help prepare the body for assaults, but that also increases the stress and aging on the body as well." This Epigenetic effect provides important clues in improving our understanding of the physical effects of loneliness, and in an increasingly remote and digitally connected world, minding our digital footprint and ensuring that we cultivate real and meaningful relationships with others may hold the key to keeping us healthy and keeping the onset of loneliness at bay.
Social Media's Alone Together
Worldwide, there are over 2.01 billion active monthly users of social media, and of the 300 million of us in the United States, sometimes it feels like we've all just become new "Friends" on Facebook.

With so many of us being "Friends" and so well connected, you'd think that our social calendars would be totally full.

But the sad truth is that for all of the social media friends that we may have out in cyberspace, studies show that social media usage is actually making us less socially active in the real world, and Americans in particular are finding themselves lonelier than ever.

According to a recent study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona, published by American Sociological Review, American's circle of close friends and confidants has shrunk dramatically over the past two decades, and the number who say they have no one outside of their immediate family to discuss important matters with has more than doubled, reaching a shocking 53.4% -  up 17% since the dawn of the Internet and social media.

What's more, nearly a quarter of those surveyed say they have no close friends or confidantes at all  - a 14% percent increase since we all became so digitally connected.

Looking at the stats, we should ask ourselves, are digital communication technologies and social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter helping us or actually hurting us?

Many experts seem to feel the latter, and see a clear pattern with social media use and the decline in social intimacy, contributing greatly to today's social and personal breakdown.

In her recent book " Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other", MIT Professor Dr. Sherry Tuckle, PhD argues the case that this just may be so.

Dr. Turkle puts forth a host of pretty convincing signs that technology is threatening to dominate our lives and make us less and less social as humans. In Alone Together, she warns us that in only just a few short years, technology has now become the architect of our intimacies. "Online, we fall prey to the illusion of companionship, gathering thousands of Twitter and Facebook friends, and confusing tweets and wall posts with authentic communication." But this relentless online digital connection is not at all real social intimacy, and leads us to a deep feeling of solitude.

Compounding matters is the added burden of increasingly busy schedules. People are now working very long hours - far more than in any recent history - and many feel that the only way that they can make social contact is online via social media or even online dating apps - which they often feel is faster and cheaper than actually going out for an intimate connection in person. Many even prefer the limited effort necessary to maintain digital friendships, verses live interpersonal relationships, which allows them to feel connected  - but actually still remain somewhat disconnected.

This is perhaps ever more apparent with a new generation of Americans who have grown up with smartphones and social media, and as a result, may have even lost some fundamental social skills due to excessive online and social media use.

Dr. Brian Primack, PhD is the director of the Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health at the University of Pittsburgh, and co-author of a study published by the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, which shows that those who spend the most time digitally connecting on social media - more than two hours a day - had more than twice the odds of feeling socially isolated and lonely, compared to those who spend only a half hour per day. While real life face-to-face social connectedness seems to be strongly associated with feelings of well-being, the study shows that this naturally expected outcome seems to change when our interactions happen virtually. These results seemed very much to be counterintuitive - yet somehow this negative outcome is entirely consistent and true.

Dr. Primack's earlier research on the connection of social media use and depression in young adults seemed to confirm what many already suspected, that our self-esteem can easily take a nosedive each time we log in to a social media network. There is a natural tendency to compare our lives to those we see online, and when we see others seemingly living the life of our dreams, it's human nature not to feel just a little bit envious. However, if left unchecked, that envy can quickly turn into low self-esteem - and that can quickly spiral into depression. And like a vicious cycle, the more depressed and the lower our self-esteem, the lonelier we feel.

Meanwhile, a recent study found that those who gave up Facebook for even just a week felt much happier, less lonely and less depressed at the end of the study then other participants who continued using it.

The message is clear, that it's important to use social media in positive ways. It's a strong reminder of the importance of establishing real and meaningful interpersonal friendships, versus isolating ourselves in the digital social world. Real life interactions help us to build lasting relationships that fulfill our innate human need to form bonds and feel connected.

The solution, experts say, is that we have to begin to recognize the inherent pitfalls of social media and begin to utilize our online time in more positive ways that enhance our relationships - not detract from them. Social media can actually be a positive step toward building a "Global Village", if we make it so.

It all depends on how we choose to interact online. It's important to remember this, in our ever-busy quest for success in our increasingly digitally connected lives.
Connect With Your Friends The Old Fashioned Way - Device Free.
I have established really strong boundaries to have device free outings on date nights, also with my friends or if I am having a business meeting. Let me clarify, a device can be present however it must be switched off completely and preferably out of sight.

I have one friend who I visit sometimes. She is unable or unwilling to hear the boundaries that I would like to have regarding our device free get togethers. She is really smart and quite amazing, we will talk for about 10 minutes and we will be having a delightful deep meaningful conversation, and then like a merciless predator she preys on her phone like she going in for the kill and starts in on her social media. She is an addict. I overtly exit "stage left." She is disappointed that I leave. This is the only way I can train her with regards to having a device free get together. The lengths of conversation have actually gotten longer since I have been doing that. When we go out for dinner she has to leave her phone at her home otherwise she is unable to help herself to her phone. The question I ask her is, "Dinner with Marina or will it be Dinner with your Phone?" She does opt for Dinner with Marina.

Self Love is one of the most important loves of all. When we learn to love ourselves completely, then we can truly love others
Connect with Your Friends & Loved Ones & Disconnect from Loneliness
01. Choose Self Love & Practice Self Love With Regards To How You Want It To Show Up In Your Life.

02. Choose To Be Worthy & Deserving Of Being Loved By Others On Your Own Terms.

03. Choose To Love People Unconditionally With Strong Boundaries.

04. Choose To Love People Unconditionally Without Being Taken Advantage Of.

05. Choose To Celebrate Who You Are.

06. Choose To See Your Value & How Valuable You Are To Yourself & Others.

07. Choose To Have Self Worth & Self Esteem & Positive Self Deserving In All Areas of Your Life.

08. Choose To Be Empathic With Your Friends With Strong Boundaries.

09. Choose To Be A Great Listener.

10. Choose To Be Worthy & Deserving To Be Listened To & Be Heard.

11. Choose To Be A Good Friend Without Being Taken Advantage Of.

12. Choose To Be Respectful, Present and Mindful With Your Friends.

13. Choose To Speak Your Truth With Emotional Intelligence.

14. Choose To Have Confidence In All Areas of Your Life.

15. Choose To Authentically Live Your Own Personal Truth In All Areas of Your Life.
Change Your DNA, Instantly Change Your Life™ Follow Marina Rose on Twitter: Follow Part of the article originally published at MarinaRoseQDNA.com 9/1/17. https://www.facebook.com/qdna.quantum.dna.acceleration/ www.twitter.com/MarinaRoseQDNA

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The Science Of Human Connection And Wellness In A Digitally Connected World

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The most precious commodities on this planet are our health, love, and happiness. Regardless of what we accomplish and accumulate in life, we are unable to take it with us. In the fast paced, consumer driven, social media shared world that we live in today, success and happiness are often defined by the status of what we achieve, and the value of the things that we own.

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ow many ways can we connect?

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If you feel your relationships have been feeling a little 'beige' lately, this video I made recently will help you figure out why! In it, I share 4 dimensions of connecting with others, and why they are so important for anyone who wants to live more fully from their heart. I hope you enjoy it, learn something, and laugh a little. I certainly did. Enjoy!

The 4 Dimensions of Human Connections & Sexual Interactions

About three years ago, just before I became a Heart Intelligence Coach, I woke one one day and I said to myself, I'm tired of this relationship shit. (By the way, to me SHIT stands for 'Spiritually Harmonizing Intelligent Truth) I had been in a relationship with a man who was not emotionally available, and the more I tried to connect with him, the farther I pushed him away. So in my pain, I decided to jump ship, take a break from romantic relationships so that I could take a really good look at myself

I wanted to discover once and for all, why was I attracting unavailable men. So, I read everything I could about how to manifest love, how to attract your soulmate, and create the relationship of your dreams. Went to every website, purchased all these courses. And at the end of that year of intense research - which is, by the way when I created my Manifest Love Course - I finally figured out the reason why I was attracting unavailable men into my life.

Want to know the answer? Simply, because I myself, was not being available to ME.

I was not being available to what I now understand as the 4 dimensions of human connection.

The Four Dimensions of Human Connection

Human relationships have 4 primary dimensions for connecting: body, mind, heart, and spirit.

Body connections include anything physical, such as touch, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and sex.

Mind connections include communicating and sharing ideas; this is the mental, or philosophical aspect of a connection.

Heart connections include the sharing of emotions, including developing feelings for the other person, a sense of intimacy a nd falling in love.

Spirit connections include helping each other grow, and a sense that we're together for a greater purpose, or to share a spiritual journey.

Think about your current relationships, and you'll realize that each relationship in your life involves some or all of these dimensions.

For instance, with a romantic partner you may enjoy a wonderful heart-body connection. With a growth-oriented friend, you could enjoy an inspiring mind-spirit connection and exploring the meaning of life.

So let me ask you, right now, your life, where are you in each one of these four areas? How satisfied are you? What kind of connection type would you like more of?

When I asked myself this very same question, I realized that most of my relationships, were at the BODY and MIND demensions. I had become very good at this kind of relationships. But what I really wanted, what my heart was longing for, was HEART and SPIRIT type of connections. I was longing for that emotional closeness, the feelings of connection, and vulnerability. It was during this time that I started learning the skills and practices that eventually helped me access my own heart and emotions, and inspired me to become a Heart Intelligence Coach so that I could help others do the same.

The 4 Levels of Sexual Experience

When we interact with another person sexually, these 4 dimensions continue to play out, but this time as levels or stages in which we develop...

At the level of the Body, which is the physical level, SEX all about survival, and pro-creation. Sex is something you want or crave. And wanting is all about giving and receiving. That's why you hear teenagers say, 'Did you get some last night?'

When you move to the next level of the mind, which looks a life linearly, SEX becomes something you DO. At this level, because it's all about DOING, which is really all about performance, some of us suffer from performance anxiety, impotence, frigidity.

The next level, is the level of the heart. At this level you open up to the energy of love, joy, and compassion. There's nothing to get, nothing to give, there's nothing to do. You forget about performing and you move into simply being. Sex becomes a WAY in which you ARE with another person. A way in which you know, feel and experience each other's energy.

And at the Spirit Level, there's a sense of knowing, that just belong together, that we're here for something much greater, and to support each other's journey. And with it, you experience a higher form of bliss.... Or what I would call Divine Love, with my sexual partner, and through my sexual partner.

I know this may all sound very complicated, but really isn't. What I believe is ultimately most important is that you take some time out, just you alone with yourself, to ask yourself a very simple and POWERFUL QUESTIONS:
WHAT IS MY HEART LONGING FOR? What type of human connections? What level of sexual intimacy?
Then LISTEN. And listen with your whole body, mind, heart and spirit. Then take action. Love yourself so much, to Have that conversation with your partner. Or if you're single, with yourself. Answering this question for yourself, could be the tiniest baby step, that you could take, to transform your relationships, and your sexuality.

Have an awesome week ahead! And, do let me know if there's anything I can do to support you.

PS. If you want to hear more about this type of stuff, in my upcoming online course, The Path to Soulmate Love I will teach you how to attract and create a romantic relationship the heart-centered way. To learn more, .

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The 4 Dimensions of Human Connections & Sexual Interactions - Gabriel Gonsalves

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If you feel your relationships have been feeling a little 'beige' lately, this video I made recently will help you figure out why! In it, I share 4 dimensions of connecting with others, and why they are so important for anyone who wants to live more fully from their heart.

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Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share others feelings

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What is empathy?

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Learn more about empathy, being aware of the feelings and emotions of others, and experiencing them for ourselves through the power of imagination.

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Why is empathy important?

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Why Empathy Is the Most Important Skill You’ll Ever Need to Succeed

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To do your job well (or even to get a job), technical skills are no longer enough. Of all the soft skills, empathy is the one you will need the most.

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Why practice empathy

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Empathy and sympathy are very different, and while neither of them are bad necessarily, empathy is about making an emotional connection with someone, while sympathy is-generally-about finding a silver lining. Both are important, but this animated short really puts a fine point on how they differ.

The key to being empathetic is to not judge the other person, or try to paint an unwanted or unhelpful silver lining around their problem, and to instead recognize what they're feeling. You're not trying to solve the problem for them-since often statements usually don't solve problems alone-the goal is to let them know you're there and that how they feel matters to you. Doing so, however, requires you be aware of your own emotions and fragilities, which can be hard for many people.

That said, there's a time for sympathy too. As long as it's not judgemental, trying to help someone find a silver lining or even a distraction from a pressing problem has its place as well. The real skill to be learned is when empathy is appropriate, and when sympathy is appropriate, and what message you send to the people in your lives with each. Hit the video above or the link below to see more.

The Power of Empathy, Animated | Fast Company via swissmiss

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This Video Explains the Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

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Empathy and sympathy are very different, and while neither of them are bad necessarily, empathy is about making an emotional connection with someone, while sympathy is-generally-about finding a silver lining. Both are important, but this animated short really puts a fine point on how they differ.

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There are some examples that may help

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Humans are absolutely capable of unimaginable cruelty. That vicious nature knows no bounds, and people result to criticizing, insulting, bullying, assaulting, killing, and torturing each other and more. How much of this horrible behavior would the perpetrators like to have visited upon themselves?

None of it.

And yet it continues to happen on a daily basis. This selfishness and total disregard for others seems to be growing. People continually justify their actions based upon their own small view of the world, and never stop to consider that there may be something wrong with their approach to life. What is the chief cause of this societal distress? The diminishment of empathy in our society.

What is empathy?

Empathy is defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person". This is a fairly broad definition, and can be used to describe a wide range of experiences. Researchers in the field have endeavored to divide this general definition between two different types of empathy: Cognitive and Affective.

Cognitive empathy can also be described as perspective-taking, and it references our capacity to understand and identify the specific emotions of others. People with Autism have a particularly difficult time with this specific empathetic type. Affective empathy references our ability to experience the feelings or sensations that are typically triggered in response to the emotions of other people. In particular, this type of empathy is evidenced in one of two ways. The first way involves the appearance of a feeling of stress in response to the fear or anxiety of another person. The second way to demonstrate affective empathy is to mirror the other person's emotion back to them.

From a less technical standpoint, empathy is simply the ability to understand another person's point of view. That understanding is the foundation of communication, respect, and morality.

What is the importance of empathy?

Empathy has been called "the building block of morality. This relates directly back to the Golden Rule, or the ethic of reciprocity. This rule can be explained from many different perspectives, and in all cases it is defined in one of the following ways:

You should treat other people exactly as you'd like to be treated

You should not treat others in ways that you would not like to be treated.

Psychologically, empathy is required to exercise either of these rules. For, if you cannot identify the effect of your actions on the emotions and psyche of another, then you also are not equipped to process the feedback necessary to alter your behavior. This directly affects your ability to have deep and engaging relationships with the people in your life, and emphasizes the role of empathy in affecting the quality of your long-term relationships.

In general then, a person who lacks empathy will find difficulty in the creation of strong relationships with their spouse or family. They'll never know that stronger bonds can exist, that deeper levels of understanding are available, or that the key to communication is the very thing they lack. That is, unless they're taught to do so. That brings us to our next question:

Can empathy be taught?

In the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a group of researchers sought to determine the outcome of practicing affective empathy in the context of racism. They created an example of empathy by having participants watch a five-minute video. In it they showed the experiences of a white man (John), and a black man (Glen). In each case, the subject went shopping in a store, visited a car lot, and had direct interactions with the police. The discrimination experienced by Glen was clear. This is just one of many empathy examples that will help you understand it in real life.

The participants were asked to either:

Imagine Glen's thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Imagine their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences if it was happening to them.

Remain objective, and view the situation from their current perspective.

All of them were later tested, and the participants in the first two groups showed less bias than those who were asked to remain objective. Moreover, the result was true regardless of which of the first two groups they initially fell into. The only thing that was important was that they were asked to practice affective empathy by endeavoring to identify with the experiences of Glen.

In a second study, researchers showed a picture of an African-American man to a group of college students. They were asked to imagine a day in his life, and to take one of three perspectives:

The perspective of the African-American man.

To remain objective

From any perspective of their choosing.

When they'd finished writing, they were interviewed by an African-American woman. She wasn't told anything about the choices, or instructions given to the students beforehand. She simply took the students into another room and had an individual conversation with each of them. She was then asked to gauge the quality of her interaction with each participant, and talk about whether her experience could be described as an example of positive empathy.

The results confirmed what the researches had originally determined in the first experiment. The interviewer perceived that her conversations were more positive with students who'd chosen to practice affective empathy. If they'd taken the perspective of the African-American man, they demonstrated a comparatively decreased bias, and modeled more open body language. If they'd chosen a more objective viewpoint, the opposite was true.

The conclusion that we can draw from this set of experiments is that empathy can be taught. All that is necessary is for a participator to be instructed to put themselves into the shoes of someone else. The act of doing this yields concrete social benefits, and will affect their interactions with others for the rest of their lives.

Perhaps the most famous example of an experiment in this context is Jane Elliot's Blue eyes vs Brown eyes exercise. In this experiment, the researcher segregates groups of people based upon previously unimportant characteristics. Often, the divisions are based upon eye or hair color. People in one group are made to feel superior, while people in the other group are made to feel inferior. The outcome of this particular exercise is always profound, and leaves an indelible mark on the participants. You can view a video of this experiment in action here.

5 ways to improve communication via empathetic listening

Empathetic listening is defined as a method via which you can prevent or manage disruptive or assaultive behaviors. There are some easy ways you can improve your skill in this area, and we're going to list out a few below.

1. Be present, and attend the conversation at hand. If you're multi-tasking, or preparing your response instead of listening to the speaker, then you will only experience the conversation at a superficial level. You'll miss cues as to what the other person is feeling, and your cognitive empathy will feel forced or faked. Attend the moment.

2. Don't be judgmental. If a person has taken the time to share their personal experiences with you, honor that vulnerability by being open to their perspective.

3. Pay attention to the speaker, their facial expressions, and their body language. Your understanding of these cues is instinctual; you simply have to allow yourself to be open to them. If they're happy, sad, afraid, or upset, take note of that emotion, and respond to it. Your response to their emotional state is even more important than your response to the words they use, because the majority of communication is non-verbal in nature.

4. Be quiet and patient. Don't jump into any break and begin speaking, because not every statement needs an immediate response. This is never truer than in a tense situation that involves the speaker venting over some hurt. You'll often find that if you simply allow the silence to linger after a break in the tirade, they'll break the silence themselves and offer a solution.

5. Make sure you actually understand the issue at hand. Ask questions, attempt to clarify their meaning, and restate the message you perceive them to be communicating.

To sum up those skills, you want to be present, reserve judgments, listen attentively, observe physical indicators of emotion, listen patiently, be quiet, and make efforts to communicate the fact that you are interested an engaged in the conversation at hand.

We hope you've enjoyed our discussion on the topics at hand, and have given you pause when considering the importance of empathy in your own lives. Take heart in that fact that you can indeed improve your empathetic response if you so choose. All that is needed is for you to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Let's try to remember this the next time we find ourselves in an argument, or heated exchange. What are they really trying to say, what are the effects of our hasty words on the outcome of the conversation? What can we do to improve our empathetic listening skills, and how can we model great examples of empathy to our children? Keep these questions at the forefront of your mind when interacting with others and you are sure to see the benefits.

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Empathy Examples That will Teach you the Importance of Empathy

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Humans are absolutely capable of unimaginable cruelty. That vicious nature knows no bounds, and people result to criticizing, insulting, bullying, assaulting, killing, and torturing each other and more. How much of this horrible behavior would the perpetrators like to have visited upon themselves? None of it.