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Tip Sheet for Parents in English and Spanish

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Tip Sheet for Parents in English and Spanish

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COVID-19: Consejos para las familias de los estudiantes de primaria

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Jueguen a Guerra Matemática. Saque todos los comodines y las figuras de un mazo de naipes. Reparta el resto de los naipes: mitad para usted y mitad para su hijo. Para jugar, cada uno debe dar vuelta dos naipes. Sume los de usted, y dígale a su hijo que sume los suyos.

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As the summer comes to a close and school is getting back into session, here are a couple quick reminders to help make the transition from the beach to the classroom easier for you and your child.

Validation: Let your child know that his nervous or apprehensive feelings about the start of school are normal. All kids (and adults!) have a hard time getting back into the routine of the school year. The knowledge that he is not alone in this experience will help your child feel he's being heard and understood.

Morning Routines: A common change that occurs as we begin the school year is a new morning routine. To help your child be successful, discuss what her morning routine will look like during the school year. This way, your child knows what will be happening and has clear expectations that are valuable to her under the time pressure of getting ready for school. Provide your child with simple, well-defined, and easy steps for her routine so that she has a clear idea of what you expect and so that it's easy to follow along with you! Having an easy-to-reference schedule, maybe with pictures, can engage your child and provide a wonderful visual guide for what she needs to do next. Giving specific praise when she completes each lets her know that you love what you're seeing. This will increase your child's chances of success in the future, and helps build her self-esteem.

Homework: Another transition that can be rough after a summer break is homework completion. Like the morning routine, providing your child with a structured schedule can help him stay focused and motivated. Completing homework as soon as school is over and with continuous parental support will take advantage of the daylight hours and provide encouragement, motivation, and assistance when needed. Snacks are a great way to keep your child's energy up while he works through those tough math problems. Of course, some children have active schedules, with team sports, music classes, or afterschool clubs, which can make engaging in homework more difficult. Letting your child know that you understand the hard work he is putting in and being ready with frequent positive feedback for his effort can help motivate him to get homework done.

Bedtime: Bedtime is one of the hardest transitions. Children may be accustomed to going to sleep later and/or waking up later during the summer, so the new school schedule can be difficult to get acclimated to. As with the morning routine, having a nighttime schedule can assist in creating a structure for your child. Set your child up for success with clear expectations, simple step-by-step instructions, and praise at the completion of each step. Additionally, visual reminders can help your child have something to refer to as she goes about her routine. Most kids want more time watching their favorite TV show or finishing that last level of a videogame, and setting time limits can be a great way to put a boundary around the winding down time that they need each evening.

And if you find that these transitions are harder than expected or find yourself needing any additional help or support, our doors at the Child Mind Institute are always open!

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Helping Kids Back Into the School Routine | Child Mind Institute

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As the summer comes to a close and school is getting back into session, here are a couple quick reminders to help make the transition from the beach to the classroom easier for you and your child. Validation: Let your child know that his nervous or apprehensive feelings about the start of school are normal.

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Todos los niños tienen dolores de cabeza o de estómago de vez en cuando. Por ejemplo, cuando no duermen lo suficiente o después de haber comido demasiados dulces en Halloween. Pero cuando los niños se quejan de dolores de estómago o de cabeza con frecuencia, esto podría ser una señal de ansiedad.

Dolor de estómago en la mañana antes de la escuela. Dolores de cabeza cuando hay un examen de matemáticas programado. Sentir mariposas en el estómago antes de una fiesta de cumpleaños. Vomitar antes de un partido de fútbol. Estos síntomas físicos pueden ser la primera evidencia para un padre de que un niño está ansioso. De hecho, es posible que el niño ni siquiera sepa que está ansioso.

"Sobre todo con los niños que tal vez no puedan expresar verbalmente la razón por la que se sienten ansiosos, la forma en que se manifiesta su ansiedad puede ser a través de síntomas físicos", explica Amanda Greenspan, LCSW, trabajadora social clínica en el Child Mind Institute.

Síntomas físicos de ansiedad

De hecho, la ansiedad se asocia a una serie de síntomas físicos, incluyendo dolores de cabeza, náuseas, vómitos y diarrea, así como también corazón acelerado, temblores o sudoración, síntomas que experimentan las personas mayores cuando tienen un ataque de pánico.

Todos estos síntomas físicos están relacionados con la respuesta de lucha o huida que se activa cuando el cerebro detecta peligro. Todos ellos tienen un propósito, señala Janine Domingues, PhD, psicóloga clínica del Child Mind Institute. Cuando la Dra. Domingues habla con los niños acerca de los dolores de cabeza o de estómago causados por ansiedad, les explica el papel de cada uno. Por ejemplo: "Te duele el estómago porque tu sistema digestivo se está cerrando para enviar sangre a otras áreas de tu cuerpo. No quieres estar digiriendo comida en ese momento porque estás tratando de huir del peligro o luchar contra él". La Dra. Domingues les asegura a los niños que estos síntomas no son dañinos: son solo su sistema de emergencia que responde a una falsa alarma. Pero es importante comprender que los niños no necesariamente inventan sus síntomas, y que el peligro puede parecerles muy real. No asuma que un niño que pasa mucho tiempo en la enfermería de la escuela lo hace intencionalmente para salir de clase. Su ansiedad aguda puede estar causándole el dolor.

"Los dolores de cabeza y de estómago relacionados con la ansiedad siguen siendo sentimientos reales y queremos tomarlos en serio", dice la Sra. Greenspan.

Consulte con su pediatra

Cuando un niño desarrolla un patrón de síntomas físicos antes de la escuela u otros momentos potencialmente estresantes, los expertos recomiendan que visite a su médico para descartar otras razones médicas. Pero si el niño está bien de salud, el siguiente paso es ayudarlo a establecer la conexión entre sus preocupaciones y sus síntomas físicos.

"Los ayudamos a comprender de una manera muy aceptable para los niños, que a veces nuestro cuerpo puede darnos pistas sobre lo que estamos sintiendo", explica Greenspan.

Los padres pueden comenzar por validar la experiencia de sus hijos y explicar lo que sienten de una manera más útil. En lugar de decir a los niños que no les pasa nada, el objetivo es decirles que lo que sienten es preocupación.

"Le damos un nombre", agrega la Dra. Domingues. "Los ayudamos a conectarlo con una emoción y a etiquetarlo".

Y después de algunas prácticas, los niños pueden identificarlo, agrega. "Sí, me duele el estómago y, ah sí, recuerdo que es porque me siento preocupado". Después de aprender algunas habilidades para ayudarlos a calmarse, pienso que obtienen una sensación de control. Y eso ayuda".

¿Qué pueden hacer los padres para ayudar?

Lo primero que sugieren nuestros expertos es algo que los padres no deberían hacer o al menos tratar de no hacer: dejar que los niños eviten las cosas que les causan temor. Puede ser muy tentador cuando los niños se quejan de dolor de cabeza o dolor de estómago permitirles no ir a la escuela o saltarse la fiesta o el juego que los tiene preocupados. Pero evitarlo en realidad refuerza la ansiedad.

"Si les permitimos evitarlo, dice Greenspan, entonces no podrán aprender que pueden tolerarlo". El mensaje debe ser: "Sé que duele, sé que es incómodo, pero sé que puedes hacerlo". Otra cosa que los padres no deben hacer es preguntar a los niños con mensajes guiados cosas como: "¿Te preocupa el examen de matemáticas?". Las preguntas deben ser abiertas para evitar sugerir que usted espera que ellos estén ansiosos: "¿Cómo te sientes con respecto al examen de matemáticas?".

Si los problemas que tiene su hijo están interfiriendo en su capacidad para ir a la escuela de manera constante, o para concentrarse, participar en actividades y socializar con sus compañeros, podría haber desarrollado un trastorno de ansiedad que debería ser tratado por un profesional de salud mental. El tratamiento preferido por la mayoría de los médicos para los trastornos de ansiedad es la terapia cognitivo-conductual (conocida también por sus siglas TCC o CBT, por sus siglas en inglés). La TCC ayuda a los niños, desde los 5 años de edad a identificar su ansiedad y a aprender habilidades para reducirla.

Las técnicas que los médicos enseñan a los niños para calmar el cuerpo y la mente también pueden ser implementadas por los padres, para niños con síntomas más leves.

Técnicas para calmarse

Estas son algunas de las técnicas que los médicos enseñan a los niños ansiosos (adaptadas de la TCC y el entrenamiento de atención plena):

Respiración profunda: Tomar aire expandiendo el abdomen, conocido a veces como respiración abdominal, ayuda a los niños a relajarse al disminuir la respiración y reducir la frecuencia cardíaca, la presión arterial y las hormonas del estrés. También puede ayudar a relajar los músculos tensos del estómago.

Ejercicios de conciencia plena: Técnicas como enfocarse en lo que los rodea, lo que ven y escuchan, pueden ayudar a alejar a los niños de la ansiedad y a ayudarlos a poner los pies sobre la tierra en el momento.

Mecanismos de afrontamiento: A los niños se les enseña a "responder a sus preocupaciones", explica Greenspan. "Pueden decir: 'Me siento asustado y puedo manejarlo'". O algo así como: "Soy más grande que mi ansiedad".

Enfrentar la situación con anticipación: A los niños se les enseña que cuando tienen que hacer algo que los pone nerviosos, es útil anticipar que podrían sentir algo de incomodidad, y planificar lo que pueden hacer para contrarrestarlo. Sabiendo que sí pueden superarlo, la situación se volverá más fácil.

Aceptación: Esto implica reconocer el malestar sin combatirlo. "En lugar de tratar de alejar el sentimiento y deshacerse de él, explica la Dra. Domingues, les pedimos que se aferren a él, lo toleren y lo superen".

El papel de los padres es clave

Es natural que los padres no quieran ver a sus hijos angustiados ni obligarlos a ir a la escuela cuando les preocupa que vomiten. Eso pone a los padres en un lugar difícil. "Lo que escuchamos de los padres es: 'Sólo dejamos que se quede en casa un día, y un día llevó a tres meses'", dice la Dra. Domingues. Es una pendiente resbaladiza: el niño puede pedir quedarse en casa cada vez más.

"Así que trabajamos mucho con los padres para encontrar el equilibrio entre ser permisivos con la ansiedad y ayudar al niño en el momento en el que está", agrega. "Y también les compartimos frases que pueden usar para ser empáticos y alentadores al mismo tiempo. Por ejemplo: 'Sé que esto es realmente difícil y sientes que estás enfermo. Pero también sabemos que esto es ansiedad y que puedes superarla".

A veces, establecer un sistema de recompensas puede ayudar en la medida que brinda a los niños mucho refuerzo positivo para que superen su ansiedad.

Los padres también enfrentan el desafío de tener que tolerar su propia ansiedad por estar empujando a un niño que dice que se siente enfermo o preocupado por vomitar. "Si su hijo está angustiado y habla de no querer ir a la escuela o se siente enfermo o piensa que podría vomitar, entonces, usted como padre, también está ansioso de que eso pueda suceder", dice la Dra. Domingues.

Trabajar con la escuela

La escuela juega un papel importante cuando los niños desarrollan síntomas físicos de ansiedad. Los médicos trabajan con la enfermera de la escuela, y a veces con el psicólogo o el consejero escolar, para establecer un protocolo que mantenga las ausencias del salón de clases lo más cortas posible. Por ejemplo, el tiempo de espera recomendado antes de empezar a alentar al niño a que regrese al salón podría ser tan breve como cinco minutos.

"Insistimos tanto como sea posible en que no se comuniquen con los padres o envíen al niño a casa si cuando dice que siente náuseas sabemos que se siente así porque está ansioso", agrega la Dra. Domingues. En su opinión, cuanto más corto sea el descanso, es mejor, porque mientras más largo es el tiempo que están alejados de aquello que los hace sentir ansiosos, más difícil es lograr que regresen.

Este tipo de síntomas puede aparecer en una amplia gama de niños, pero son más comunes durante los años de la escuela primaria, señala la Sra. Greenspan. "A medida que los niños crecen y pasan a la adolescencia y la edad adulta, es más probable que manifiesten sus síntomas de ansiedad de otras maneras".

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Ansiedad y dolores de estómago y de cabeza | Child Mind Institute

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Todos los niños tienen dolores de cabeza o de estómago de vez en cuando. Por ejemplo, cuando no duermen lo suficiente o después de haber comido demasiados dulces en Halloween. Pero cuando los niños se quejan de dolores de estómago o de cabeza con frecuencia, esto podría ser una señal de ansiedad.

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When children struggle with their behavior, it can have a negative impact on everyone in the family. Parents know they need to respond, but they often aren't sure what's the best strategy, especially if a child is frequently acting out and nothing seems to work. This guide offers parents a comprehensive look at problem behavior. It covers a variety of topics, including what may be triggering problem behavior, how to improve the parent-child relationship when it becomes strained, what to do if kids are struggling with behavior in school and how to get professional help if you need it.

Why Do Some Kids Struggle With Problem Behavior?

When children have frequent emotional outbursts, it can be a sign that they haven't yet developed the skills they need to cope with feelings like frustration, anxiety and anger. Handling big emotions in a healthy, mature way requires a variety of skills, including:

Impulse control

Emotional self-regulation

Problem solving

Delaying gratification

Negotiating

Communicating wishes and needs to adults

Knowing what's appropriate or expected in a given situation

Other children may seem to struggle more with boundaries and following rules. They may be defiant, or ignore instructions or try to talk their way out of things that aren't optional. You may notice patterns of behavior that seem to crop up at certain times of the day (like bedtime) during certain tasks (like during homework) or with certain people. You also might notice that your child acts out particularly when she is at home but not when she is at school, or vice versa.

Tantrums and other kinds of acting out are often a normal and even healthy part of childhood. They are a sign that a child is becoming more independent - indications that a child is testing boundaries, developing skills and opinions, and exploring the world around them.

But when a child is acting out a lot, it can strain the parent-child relationship, creating regular frustration and resentment that isn't healthy in the family. Whether your child is in the early stages of learning about self-regulation and boundaries, or if your family has been struggling and you are looking for help, this guide is designed to explain more about how kids learn to manage their behavior, what parents can do to aid in the process and how to get more support if you need it.

Tantrums can be a learned behavior

Sometimes parents feel that tantrums and other instances of problem behavior are intentional or manipulative. However, clinicians who specialize in children's behavior agree that tantrums are generally not a voluntary behavior on a child's part - but they may be what is known as a "learned behavior." That means that kids learn that having a tantrum gets them the result that they want.

In other words, while a child who struggles to control her emotions might not be consciously calculating her tantrums, she might resort to them because she hasn't learned a better way to solve problems or communicate her needs. Well-meaning parents often respond to tantrums by trying to fix whatever caused the problem - by comforting the child or giving her whatever she is asking for. Unfortunately, this reinforces the tantrum behavior, making kids more likely to continue having tantrums and less likely to develop more sophisticated ways to manage their feelings.

Responding to Problem Behavior

When kids are acting out parents often feel powerless. You may have tried different techniques for discipline, but without much success. In fact, trying too many different strategies for managing disruptive behavior can sometimes be part of the problem, since kids respond better to firm boundaries that are consistently reinforced. But if you haven't seen progress before now, don't feel discouraged, because parents have more power than they may realize when kids are being oppositional. By using strategies that are informed by child psychologists who specialize in behavior management, you can begin to improve kids' behavior and even improve the parent-child relationship.

This section begins with some general rules of thumb recommended by behavior experts as effective strategies for responding to problem behavior in the moment. Next it examines problem behavior in greater depth, which can be helpful for parents who want to understand more about why kids act out, and how to tackle specific behaviors you would like to change.

Tips for responding in the moment:

Don't give in. Resist the temptation to end your child's tantrum by giving her what she wants when she explodes. Giving in teaches her that tantrums work.

Remain calm. Harsh or emotional responses tend to escalate a child's aggression, be it verbal or physical. By staying calm, you're also modeling for your child the type of behavior you want to see in him.

Ignore negative behavior and praise positive behavior. Ignore minor misbehavior, since even negative attention like reprimanding or telling the child to stop can reinforce her actions. Instead, provide lots of labeled praise on behaviors you want to encourage. (Don't just say "good job," say "good job calming down.")

Use consistent consequences. Your child needs to know what the consequences are for negative behaviors, such as time outs, as well as rewards for positive behaviors, like time on the iPad. And you need to show him you follow through with these consequences every time.

Wait to talk until the meltdown is over. Don't try to reason with a child who is upset. You want to encourage a child to practice negotiating when she's not blowing up (and you're not either).

Targeting specific behaviors

When you are trying to manage disruptive behavior, it is helpful to identify specific behaviors that you are trying to change (or encourage). It's true that when families are feeling overwhelmed sometimes it can seem like every interaction is a struggle. However, identifying specific behaviors is an important first step to effective discipline. Taking behaviors one at a time allows you to be more focused, gain a better understanding of why the behavior is happening, and have a greater sense of control. Of course, there may be multiple behaviors that you would like to change, but evaluating them one by one is important.

Target behaviors should be:

Specific (so expectations are clear to everyone in the family)

Observable

Measurable (so everyone can agree whether or not the behavior happened)

An example of a poorly defined behavior is "acting out" or "being good." A well-defined behavior would be running around the room (bad) or starting homework on time (good).

Before the behavior happens

When you are thinking about a particular behavior that you are targeting, it is important to think about what generally happens before that behavior and may be triggering it. This helps parents understand not only why a child might be acting out but also how anticipating certain triggers might help prevent those behaviors from happening. Parents can also examine the triggers that make positive behaviors (like obeying a command on the first time) more likely.

Potential triggers to avoid

These things often lead to misbehavior.

Assuming your expectations are understood: Kids may not know what is expected of them - even if you assume they do. Demands change from situation to situation and when children are unsure of what they are supposed to be doing, they're more likely to misbehave.

Calling things out from a distance: Tell your children important instructions when you are face-to-face. Directions that are yelled from a distance are less likely to be remembered and understood.

Transitioning without warning: Transitions can be hard for kids, especially if they are in the middle of doing something they enjoy. When kids are given a warning and have a chance to find a good stopping place, transitions can be less fraught.

Asking rapid-fire questions, or giving a series of instructions: Delivering a series of questions or instructions limits the likelihood that children will hear, answer questions, remember the tasks, and do what they've been instructed to do.

Potential triggers to embrace

These are things that can bolster good behavior.

Adjusting the environment: Try to manage environmental and emotional factors that can make it much more difficult for children to rein in their behavior. Things to consider: hunger, fatigue, anxiety or distractions. When it's homework time, for instance, remove distractions like screens and toys, provide snacks, establish an organized place for kids to work and make sure to schedule some breaks.

Making expectations clear: You and your child should be clear on what's expected. Even if he "should" know what is expected, clarifying expectations at the outset of a task helps head off misunderstandings down the line.

Providing countdowns for transitions: Whenever possible, prepare children for an upcoming transition. For example, give her a 10-minute warning when it is time to come to dinner or start homework. Then follow up when there are 2 minutes left. Just as important as issuing the countdown is actually making the transition at the stated time.

Letting kids have a choice: As kids grow up, it's important they have a say in their own scheduling. Giving a structured choice - "Do you want to take a shower after dinner or before?" - can help them feel empowered and encourage them to become more self-regulating.

After the behavior happens

Considering what happens after a targeted behavior is important because consequences can affect the likelihood of a behavior recurring. That is true for consequences that are positive (like getting an extra 10 minutes of screen time) or negative (like getting a time out).

Some consequences are more effective than others. Ideally consequences create structure and help kids understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. However, consequences can also do more harm than good when they are sending the wrong message. Understanding how to use smart and consistent consequences makes all the difference.

Consequences that aren't effective

These types of consequences are common, but they generally don't have the desired effect.

Giving negative attention: It seems counterintuitive, but consequences that seem negative to us (like raising your voice or spanking) can sometimes reinforce the very behavior we are trying to prevent. That's because children value attention from the important adults in their life so much that any attention - positive or negative - is better than none. That's why negative attention can actually increase bad behavior over time. Responding to behaviors with criticism or yelling can also adversely affect children's self-esteem.

Delayed consequences: Immediate consequences are the most effective. Children are less likely to link their behavior to a consequence if there is a lot of time between the two, which means delayed consequences are less likely to actually change a child's behavior.

Disproportionate consequences: Parents can sometimes become so frustrated that they overreact when giving consequences, which is understandable. However, a huge consequence can be demoralizing for children, and they may give up even trying to behave.

Consequences that are accommodating: When a child is slow to doing something you want him to do, like picking up his toys, many parents will become frustrated and just do it themselves. While this reaction is also understandable, it also increases the likelihood that he will dawdle again next time.

Consequences that are effective

Consequences that are more effective begin with generous attention to the behaviors you want to encourage.

Positive attention for positive behaviors:Praising children when you "catch them being good" makes them more likely to repeat that good behavior in the future. Positive attention is also a good thing for the parent-child relationship, improves a child's self-esteem, and feels good for everyone involved.

Ignoring actively: This consequence might seem counterintuitive, but child behavior experts often teach "active ignoring" as an effective behavior management strategy. To perform active ignoring, deliberately withdraw your attention when a child starts to misbehave. As children learn that acting out doesn't get them your attention, they will begin to do it less. An important component of active ignoring is to immediately give a child positive attention as soon as he exhibits behavior you do want to see, like sitting calmly. Of course, this consequence should be used only for minor misbehavior - active ignoring is not appropriate when a child is being aggressive or doing something dangerous.

Reward menus:Rewards are a tangible way to give children positive feedback for desired behaviors. Rewards are most motivating when children can choose from a variety of desirable things: extra time on the iPad, a special treat, etc. Rewards should be linked to specific behaviors and always delivered consistently.

Time outs: Time outs are one of the most effective consequences parents can use, but also one of the hardest to do correctly. It's very important to balance them with other nurturing techniques, like providing positive feedback and modeling emotional regulation for your child. The next section in the guide gives parents tips on how to have a successful time out.

Example: Targeting a specific behavior
Set a specific behavior that you want to target
Stop jumping on the couch
Examine triggers
Your daughter often starts jumping on the couch when you go to change the baby's diaper or give him a bath.

Possible solution: Come up with ways your daughter can "help" you do these tasks. Her assistance may slow you down slightly, but it gives her something positive to do - and it makes her feel like she's still getting your attention. When she helps out, praise her for being such a good big sister.
Examine consequences
Ineffective consequence: Yelling, "I've told you this a million times, Katie, you can't jump on the couch! Why do you keep doing it?!"

Effective consequence: Send to time out immediately.

Why Transitions Trigger Problem Behavior

One common problem behavior trigger for many children is transitions. Whether it's getting ready for bed, or coming to dinner, or putting down the video game controller, in many families transitions can become a flashpoint that everyone learns to dread.

If transitions are a problem for your child, it is important to figure out what about the transition is difficult. Often kids don't like stopping an activity that they are enjoying (like playing on the computer) in order to do something less fun, like getting ready to leave the house. While no one enjoys stopping fun things, some kids struggle with it more than others. That can be a sign that they are still developing emotional self-regulation skills, but it is just one possible cause. Other children struggle to cope with unanticipated changes in schedule, or moving on from something that they feel like they haven't finished.

Struggling with transitions can even be a sign of a mental health disorder in some children. Children with ADHD, autism, anxiety and OCD are all more likely to struggle with transitions.

Techniques to make transitions easier

Once you've narrowed down what you think might be behind your child's resistance to transitions, then you can start brainstorming what you think might help. (Note: If you think your child might have an undiagnosed mental health disorder, taking your concerns to a clinician is important.)

Here are some techniques that you might want to try:

Preview and countdown: Every morning, lay out what the day will look like. Before each transition, give a timeframe and description of what will happen along with countdowns (in 20 minutes, then 10, then 5 it will be time to finish breakfast and head to school). This helps kids prepare emotionally.

Get their attention: For kids who struggle to regulate their attention, make a particular effort to capture theirs. Make eye contact, sit next to them, put your hand on their shoulder, or ask them to repeat back what you have said. It makes them more likely to follow through.

Use music: Songs can help kids (particularly young kids) ease into transitions. The "clean up" song is a popular example of this, but there are many songs that can be found or made up to suit a variety of situations from tying shoes to brushing teeth.

Visual cues: Posting a chart with pictures illustrating what to expect from a particular transition or the steps involved is a good visual reminder for children to fall back on.

Create routines: If there are transitions that your child struggles with every day, like going to bed, build some consistency and structure into that transition. For example, when it's close to bedtime, your child can pick one last thing she wants to do. Then, you both go upstairs to brush teeth and read a story, then it's lights out. Doing this routine consistently helps kids know what to expect and makes the transition easier.

Use rewards: Rewards can be an effective tool to use for difficult transitions until children have gotten used to them. Parents can use stickers, snacks, or a point system that leads to tangible rewards.

Appropriate consequences: If a transition isn't going well, think about what consequences you are (or aren't) giving. Yelling isn't an effective consequence, but active ignoring or a time out might be.

Use praise: When a child does follow through with a transition, make sure you give him some enthusiastic labeled praise to recognize his behavior. For example: "I really liked how you handed over the iPad right away and started brushing your teeth. Now we have more time to read!"

Skills: How to Do a Time Out

Critics of time outs argue that they can be emotionally isolating for kids, but research shows that they are effective and do not cause children harm. (For more on the debate around time outs, read our full article on the topic.) However, it's very important to use them as just one technique in a nurturing, supportive parenting strategy. Be sure to balance use of time outs with lots of praise for kids' positive behaviors. It's also important to manage your own stress so that kids can learn emotional regulation from your positive example.

The point of a time out isn't to shame or punish your child, but to diffuse an emotional situation and help your child learn to manage frustration and regulate his own behavior. Using a time out is also a clear way to communicate that a particular behavior is unacceptable.

Many parents have tried time outs before with varying degrees of success. To be most effective, time outs need to be done consistently and follow certain steps. Here are some guidelines to follow if you are learning how to use time outs, or want to troubleshoot your technique.

Use advance warning: Kids need to understand which behaviors are linked to which consequences. Work with your child to establish which behaviors (like hitting or not complying with an instruction from you) lead to a time out so she knows what to expect.

Establish a pre-determined place: Designating a special chair, or a place on the stairs, also helps a child know what to expect. It's a good idea to label the time out chair just that, and not "the naughty chair" or something similar. Time outs work better when they are focused on teaching children how to behave, not on punishing them.

Use a quick response: When a kid misbehaves in one of the ways you have discussed, make sure the following time out is immediate, and that you state the reason: "No hitting. Go to time out." Be specific, brief, and unemotional. This helps ensure that the child is able to link her action with its consequence. Delayed consequences are ineffective because kids tend to feel you are just being punitive.

Keep it brief: A standard formula for time outs is one minute per year of age. Some experts recommend a timer so a child can see that the time is being measured.

Keep it calm: The goal in a time out is for kids to sit quietly. Some experts recommend not starting the allotted time until your child is quiet. Others feel this is too hard for young children. They require that the child be completely quiet for 5 seconds before ending the time out. This way kids learn to associate good behaviors with the end of the time out and it sends the message that yelling and screaming during a time out won't work.

Pay no attention: Kids in time out should be ignored - no talking to them or about them, even if they're whining, crying or protesting. By withdrawing your attention during the time out, you're sending the message that misbehaving is not the way to get what they want.

Consistency is key: It's tempting to put kids in time out whenever they're acting inappropriately or pushing your buttons, but using time outs randomly makes it more difficult for kids to make the connection between specific misbehaviors and their consequences. Also, it is important that the time out occurs each and every time the specific target behavior occurs. If not, you are encouraging the child to think that he might be able to get away with it.

No rewarding stimuli: In the time out chair the child should have no access to television, electronic devices, toys or games. If you're away from home, pick any spot that removes the child from distracting stimulation.

If a child won't stay in time out: If a child breaks the rules by leaving the time out chair too soon, put him in a backup time out area that he cannot escape from (like a bedroom where there aren't any rewarding stimuli such as television, toys or games). Briefly explain that he must stay there for one minute and be calm and quiet before he is allowed to leave. Once he does that he should be returned to the time out chair, and the time he must stay there is restarted. If he leaves the chair again, the cycle repeats. Your child should learn quickly that it's in his best interest to stay in the chair until the time is up.

After the time out

When kids are given time outs for not complying with your instructions, once a time out is finished, they should be asked to complete whatever task they were asked to do before the time out. This helps them understand that time outs aren't escape routes.

Once the time out is over, you want to resume giving them attention, tuning in to whatever they are doing/working on/playing so that you can "catch them being good" and specifically praise them for a positive behavior. For example, if your child completes her time out and then she plays gently with the dog, you'd want to let her know what she was doing right ("I love how nicely you're playing with the dog! You are using such nice gentle hands!") This is reassuring your child that although she had to go to time out, she also is completely capable of doing good and positive things that make you proud and loving toward her.

Skills: How to Give Effective Instructions

Children will be more likely to understand and comply with your instructions if you follow these guidelines:

Be direct. Make statements rather than asking questions: "Please sit down," as opposed to "Are you ready to get out your homework?"

Be close. Give instructions when you are near your child, rather than calling out from across the room.

Use clear and specific commands. Instead of "Go ahead," say, "Please go start your reading assignment."

Give age-appropriate instructions. Speak to your child at a level he will understand. If your child is younger, keep things simple and use words you know he knows: "Please pick up the ball." With older children, it's important to be clear without being patronizing.

Give instructions one at a time. Especially for kids who have attention challenges, try to avoid giving a series of instructions: "Please put on your sneakers, get your lunch off the kitchen counter, and meet me in the front hall."

Keep explanations simple. Giving a rationale can increase the likelihood children will listen to a command, but not if the commands gets lost in it. For instance: "Go get your coat on because it's raining and I don't want you to catch a cold." Instead, try: "It's raining and I don't want you to catch a cold. Go get your coat on."

Give kids time to process. After you give an instruction, wait a few seconds, without repeating what you said. Children then learn to listen to calm instructions given once rather than learning that they don't need to listen because the instructions will be repeated.

Improving the Parent-Child Relationship

One of the most unpleasant side effects of behavioral problems is the toll they take on the family dynamic. When a child has chronic behavior issues parents often aren't enjoying the time they spend with their child. This can be both frustrating and guilt-inducing. Children are also negatively affected when they receive frequent criticism or pick up on their parent's irritation, which can lead to resentment and may damage their self-esteem.

Improving the parent-child relationship should be a priority for all families dealing with chronic problem behavior. To that end, try to increase the number of interactions you have with your child that are positive and don't promote conflict. For example:

Use behavior management strategies that reinforce what you do want to see (like giving clear instructions in a neutral tone of voice or using lots of labeled praise) instead of comments that are critical or focus on what you don't want to see.

Pay attention to your own emotions and look for healthy ways to deal with stressful situations without escalating them. Use your own emotional self-regulation skills or give yourself a time out if you need a moment to cool down.

Like in any relationship you want to nurture, think about how you can build on (or create) meaningful bonds. Are there common interests you can cultivate? New relationship rituals you can establish?

Set aside a small amount of time every day to be present and nonjudgmental with your child.

How to establish daily quality time

Even a small amount of time set aside reliably every day can become something children and parents learn to look forward to. This should be a time for positive connection, without rules or commands, to help everyone in the family defuse stress and appreciate each other's company. This should be considered special time and should not be contingent on a child's good behavior. Here are some tips for success:

Aim for 5 minutes per day with younger kids, 15 minutes with teens

Let your child choose an activity she enjoys and you join in

Actively listen and let her lead the conversation

Validate her choices and interests

Focus on giving positive attention to good behavior

Ignore minor misbehavior

Avoid directing the activity or criticizing

Helping Kids Deal With Big Emotions

Some children act out because they have a hard time regulating their own emotions. This is a common problem for young children who haven't yet developed the ability to cope with big emotions in a constructive way. Some children continue to struggle with self-regulation as they get older. Parents and teachers may notice that they seem particularly sensitive and have outsized emotional reactions compared to their siblings or peers.

The good news is that self-regulation is a skill that can be taught like any other, and parents can play a big role in helping kids learn how to handle their emotions, even very big emotions. Here are some techniques for helping kids calm down instead of act out.

Developing emotional IQ

Taking the time to notice and label emotions helps kids begin to pay attention to how they are feeling. This is important because paying attention to our emotions is the first step to learning how to manage them. Sometimes just articulating an emotion helps to defuse it. Too often we try to pretend we aren't feeling negative emotions until it's too late and we are feeling terrible. Acknowledging a negative feeling can make it seem less powerful and helps you begin to think constructively about what to do with that feeling.

Parents can help teach children to do this by modeling it in their own behavior. For example, if you are upset because you forgot something at the grocery store, share that feeling: "I'm so frustrated right now! I forgot to get milk!" Then, after you've acknowledged how you feel, you can model coping and problem solving skills. You might say, "I'm going to take some deep breaths to calm down - that often helps me." Then once you're feeling better, you can say, "Now how can I solve this problem?" and brainstorm ideas.

Children will begin to pick up on the skills that you are modeling for them, but they might also need some extra support as they begin to learn how to deal with their emotions. If you notice your child is beginning to look upset, ask her to describe how she is feeling. Can she label it?

Just make sure if your child tells you that she's feeling sad, or anxious, or angry, you don't immediately try to talk her out of it. Sometimes hearing "Oh, it isn't that bad!" can make kids feel like their emotions are wrong and inadvertently teach them that they shouldn't share how they are feeling. Instead, you can validate the emotion ("Yes, that does sound frustrating" or "You do look disappointed") and then encourage healthy ways of dealing with that feeling.

Heading off big emotions

Another important part of a child learning to consciously label his emotions is that it encourages him to start paying attention to how he feels, which means that he might notice an emotion earlier, before it starts to feel overwhelming.

Parents can sometimes be blindsided by the strong emotions children show during tantrums. But kids don't go from calm to sobbing on the floor in an instant - even if it seems like that. Emotions build over time, like a wave. Kids can learn to manage those emotions that seem overwhelming by noticing and labeling them earlier, before that wave gets too big.

Many kids benefit from ranking how strong their emotions are on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being calm and 10 being furious. You can model doing this, too. When you are feeling frustrated because you forgot to get milk at the grocery store, you might announce that you're at a 4. It might feel silly to do this at first, but it teaches kids to pause and notice how they are feeling. For kids who appreciate visual aids, something like a "feelings thermometer" might help.

When to get help

Most children have occasional tantrums or meltdowns. Acting out when it's time to go to bed or stop playing a game is par for the course. But when kids are having tantrums often, or it seems like they can't control their temper a lot of the time, you may be seeing something more extreme than typical problem behavior.

Here are some signs to look out for:

When problem behavior is interfering with his ability to make friends or get along with other kids.

When problem behavior is causing a lot of conflict at home and disrupting family life

When your child feels like she can't control her anger, and it is making her feel bad about herself

When his behavior is causing trouble at school with his teachers or his fellow students

When her behavior is dangerous to herself or others

If you are worried about your child's behavior and are having a hard time managing it on your own, making an appointment with a clinician who has expertise in children's mental health can be very helpful. A clinician can perform a comprehensive evaluation to determine whether your child may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder that is contributing to her behavior issues, or recommend specific strategies or treatments that might be helpful.
For more information about how to find a clinician who can help, read the Child Mind Institute's Parents Guide to Getting Good Care.
Possible causes and diagnoses

Below is a list of some mental health disorders and other challenges that may be associated with disruptive behavior.

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

Children with ADHD find it unusually difficult to concentrate on tasks, pay attention, sit still and control impulsive behavior. While disruptive behavior is not a symptom of ADHD itself, it is often the result of ADHD symptoms. Inattention and impulsivity can make it very difficult for kids to tolerate tasks that are repetitive, boring, or take a lot of effort. Because of this, children with ADHD are frequently overwhelmed with frustration, and throwing a shoe or pushing someone or yelling "shut up!" can be the result of their impulsivity. Some kids with ADHD can also develop negative behavior patterns, which are a response to years of finding themselves in conflict with adults.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

Children with ODD have a well-established pattern of behavior problems, with symptoms including arguing with authority figures, refusing to follow rules, blaming others for their mistakes, being unusually angry and irritable, and more. All children can have these symptoms from time to time. What distinguishes ODD from normal oppositional behavior is how severe it is, and how long it has been going on for.

Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD)

Children with DMDD experience frequent, severe temper outbursts that seem grossly out of proportion to the situation at hand. In between tantrums they are chronically irritable. Their disruptive behavior is a result of their very big emotions and poor self-regulation skills. Children with DMDD often feel very apologetic after a tantrum is over.

Anxiety

Children who seem angry and defiant may be severely anxious. When children are having a hard time coping with situations that cause them distress, they may lash out. This may happen when the demands at home or school put a pressure on them that they can't handle. In an anxiety-inducing situation, your child's "fight or flight" instinct may take hold - she may have a tantrum or refuse to do something to avoid the source of acute fear.

Trauma

Children who have been traumatized frequently mask their pain with behavior that is aggressive. As a result of their trauma they may be struggling with poor emotional self-regulation, negative thinking, and be overly alert to dangers - and more likely to jump into their "fight or flight" response in an effort to protect themselves.

Learning problems

Children who act out repeatedly in school or during homework time may have an undiagnosed learning disorder. They may be feeling frustrated and ashamed because they are struggling to do things that look easy for other kids, and they don't know why. Rather than ask for help, they may rip up assignments or act out to create a diversion from their real issues.

Sensory processing issues

Some children have trouble processing the sensory information they are getting from the world around them. Children who are under- or over-sensitive to stimulation can often feel uncomfortable, anxious, distracted and overwhelmed, which can frequently lead to disruptive behavior.

Autism

Children on the autism spectrum tend to be rigid - needing consistent routine to feel safe - and unexpected changes can lead to them having a tantrum. Autistic children can also struggle with sensory issues that leave them feeling overwhelmed. Some autistic children may also lack the language and communication skills to express what they want or need.

Parent training programs

Parent training programs are designed to bolster the skills parents may need for managing a child's problem behavior and improve the parent-child relationship. These programs are led by psychologists and social workers and are evidence-based, which means they have been thoroughly tested and found to be effective for many families.

Below is a list of different kinds of parent training, including what makes them different and which families they may work best for.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

Parents and children both participate in PCIT sessions, during which a clinician teaches them skills to interact in a positive, productive way. It is effective for kids between the ages of 2 and 7, and usually requires 14 to 17 weekly sessions.

In PCIT, parents receive live coaching (via a bug in the ear) from a therapist who watches from behind a one-way mirror as they and their child perform a series of tasks, and parents practice specific responses to both desired and undesired behavior.

Parent Management Training (PMT)

In PMT, which is for children ages 3 to 13, parents are usually seen without the child present, although children may be asked to participate in some sessions. Skills to deal more effectively with challenging behaviors are taught and modeled by the therapist and then role-played with parents. After each session, parents are expected to practice the skills at home. Families usually participate in at least 10 sessions.

Since PMT is appropriate for all ages, it's a good choice when kids are too old for PCIT. It can also be a good option for families where the parent-child relationship is strong, but children might be struggling with things like anxiety, extreme impulsiveness or explosive anger.

Defiant Teens

Defiant Teens is for parents of teenagers who are 13-18 years old. The first half of this program involves only parents, and focuses on teaching more effective tools for interacting with their teenager, specifically for handling noncompliance or defiant behavior. But since teenagers are more autonomous than younger children and less influenced by their parents' guidance, the program also includes training for the adolescent to help him become a participant in changing the family dynamic.

In the second half, parents and teenagers are both trained in problem-solving communication. The aim is to provide family behavioral resources to help each family member develop more effective problem-solving, negotiation and communication skills and to correct any unreasonable beliefs that might be impeding their interactions.

Positive Parenting Program (Triple P)

Triple P's focus is on equipping parents with information and skills to increase confidence and self-sufficiency in managing child behavior. It can be utilized with a wide age range of children from toddlerhood through adolescence. With Triple P families can participate in different levels of intervention according to their needs. In some sessions clinicians will meet one-on-one with parents to discuss skills and strategies, and in some sessions kids with be included and the therapist will be provide live coaching.

The Incredible Years

The Incredible Years offers small-group-based training for parents of kids from infants through age 12. The programs are broken into four age groups (baby, toddler, preschool and school age) and they range from 12 to 20 weeks.

The program starts with a focus on improving parent-child relationships and positive attachment before moving on to consistent routines, rules and limit-setting. Finally it covers child management strategies such as ignoring, redirection, logical and natural consequences, time to calm down and problem-solving.

For children from four to eight years old, Incredible Years offers children's groups that focus on helping them acquire emotion regulation strategies and social skills. Research shows that the kids' group works well at improving pro-social behavior and decreasing problem behaviors. Parents find that they learn not only from therapists but from other fellow parents in the group.

Medication

Parent training and behavior therapy are considered a more effecting and longer lasting way to help children learn to manage their difficult emotions and rein in disruptive behavior. But medications are sometimes used as an adjunct to behavioral therapy. Anti-psychotic medications like Abilify (aripiprazole) and Risperdal (risperdone), which have been shown to reduce aggression and irritability, may be used in cases where a child is at risk of being removed from the school or home. Stimulant medication may be used if a child has excessive impulsivity, including those who have an ADHD diagnosis. Antidepressants (SSRIs) may be helpful if a child has underlying depression or anxiety.

It is important to talk with your doctor about any concerns you may have about your child's treatment plan, progress or any side effects that you may be seeing. A good clinician will be ready to discuss the symptoms you are seeing and explain potential options for changing dosage or medication. If you don't feel that your child's doctor is taking your concerns seriously, or your doctor is not following best practices for changing dosage, or adding new medications, you should get a second opinion.

If you believe your child should stop taking a particular medication, make sure you tell your doctor, and discuss the pros and cons. Don't make adjustments or withdraw the medication without consultation. Many medications should be reduced gradually, and children should be monitored for side effects of withdrawing too quickly.

Note about Risperdal

Risperdal can have serious side effects, including substantial weight gain and metabolic, neurological and hormonal changes that can be harmful. Children taking Risperdal or another atypical antipsychotic should be monitored by their doctors regularly over the course of treatment. Before treatment begins, they should be tested to establish baselines for height, weight, vital signs and levels of prolactin and blood fats and sugar. During the first few months of treatment, a child's levels should be measured frequently. If the child is using the medication long-term, he should continue to be monitored on a yearly basis.

Behavior Issues in School

For kids who struggle with their behavior in the classroom, establishing some school-specific behavior management strategies is important.

The first step is often asking the school to provide a functional behavior assessment. The goal of an FBA is to gather more information about when and why your child is acting out in class. This information is then used to come up with a plan for how to help. A school psychologist or behavioral specialist typically leads the FBA, and may speak to you, your child's teachers and your child as part of the assessment, as well as do some in-class observation.

Determining which specific things that your child struggles with is important. Just like in behavior management at home, it helps to get as much information as possible about the real-life situations that seem to lead to disruptive behavior, paying attention to what happens immediately before, during and after the behavior. Paying attention to when your child isn't acting out can also be informative.

Once this information has been gathered and analyzed, the school psychologist or behavioral specialist can work on creating a behavior intervention plan (or BIP) with ideas for preventing problem behaviors and rewarding positive behavior. This may include different teaching strategies, different consequences for misbehavior or changes to typical routines. Checking in periodically to monitor the effectiveness of these strategies (and make updates accordingly) is important.

How parents can support school behavior goals at home

Parents can also play a role in helping reinforce good behavior at school. You might tell your child's teacher that you want to be a partner in helping improve your child's behavior and select one or two goals at a time to work on, like turning in homework and not calling out in class, for example. Then you can ask the teacher to give you periodic reports on your child's progress. You don't want to overwhelm the teacher, but if you get a progress report every few days or every week then you can help reinforce the school's goals by either rewarding good school behavior at home or setting up appropriate consequences.

For example, if you hear that your child is doing a good job turning in his assignments, you might give him some extra screen time that weekend in recognition of his efforts. If he's doing a particularly good job then you might give him a bigger reward, like an outing to his favorite restaurant. Conversely, if you get a report that he isn't doing his homework, you might let him know that he won't get any screen time for the first two days of the upcoming week because he needs to prioritize homework.

For more information about working with schools on behavior issues, see our recommended reading list in the next section.

This guide was last reviewed or updated on August 3, 2023.

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When children struggle with their behavior, it can have a negative impact on everyone in the family. Parents know they need to respond, but they often aren't sure what's the best strategy, especially if a child is frequently acting out and nothing seems to work. This guide offers parents a comprehensive look at problem behavior.

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Published on August 12, 2019

New experiences can inspire many emotions, and the first day of school is no exception! As summer comes to an end, your kids may start to feel excited or nervous about their first day back in class. As a parent, you might experience some of these feelings too - after all, you want your child's first day to go well. Here are five ways you can prepare your kids for a great first day of school.

Set Up a Sleep Schedule

Suddenly waking up at a new time is hard, so establish a regular sleep schedule a few weeks before the first day of school. This will prepare kids to wake up on time that first morning feeling refreshed, not groggy. A structured sleep schedule also allows your child to regularly get the amount of sleep they need, which can help emotional and physical health.

Know That Nerves Are Normal

The first day of school might seem scary, and it's completely normal for children to feel a little anxious about it. To help your child calm down, practice taking slow, deep breaths with them and remind them about good memories that they have from school. Show them they have your support by talking with them about how they feel and telling them you love them.

The Night Before: Pre-pack Their Backpack, Pick Tomorrow's Outfit

Spending a little time planning the night before can help make your morning calmer. To help reassure your child they are prepared, you can pack their backpack and choose their clothes for the next day together. This also saves you from the stress of a last-minute scramble to get ready.

The Night Before: Pack a Powerful Lunch

Packing lunch the night before and storing it in the refrigerator is another way to ensure your child is prepared for the day. A lunch with lean proteins, whole grains and colorful fruits and veggies gives your child energy - a few ideas for healthy foods that keep well in a chilled lunchbox include:

Fresh vegetables like baby carrots and broccoli.

Cooked chicken and turkey slices.

Whole-grain tortillas.

String cheese or cheese cubes.

Yogurt.

Hummus (which goes great with cucumbers!).

Boiled eggs.

Granola.

When packing lunch, always be mindful of food allergies.

The Morning of: Wake Up Early, Eat Well and Give Hugs

Waking up a little bit early is a good plan for the first day - the extra time can help you avoid added stress from rushing out the door. While everyone eats a good breakfast, take a moment with your child and encourage them for the day ahead. A full belly, a smile and a nice hug can go a long way in helping them feel ready to start a great first day.

These tips can help soothe some of the stress that comes from starting something new, but if you have any concerns about your child's anxious feelings, reach out for help from your child's primary care provider.

Angela Bacigalupo, MD is a family medicine provider at Burlington Family Practice

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Five Ways to Prepare Your Kids for a Great First Day of School

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Published on August 12, 2019 New experiences can inspire many emotions, and the first day of school is no exception! As summer comes to an end, your kids may start to feel excited or nervous about their first day back in class.

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Make your child's first day of school fun and stress-free with a little preparation.

While excitement might be in the air over new clothes and school supplies, it's only natural for kids -- and parents -- to have a few worries about changing routines and heading back to the classroom.

"There is ample research that supports the idea that the single-most important factor in promising a child a good school year is his or her parents' involvement," says Ann Pleshette Murphy, author of " The 7 Stages of Motherhood."

To start the school year off right and make the transition easier, follow these 11 tips from Murphy and Brenda Nixon, M.A., a parenting expert who blogs at Beyond Buggies & Bonnets.

Talk to Your Child Care Provider
Your child care provider -- whether it's a nanny, babysitter, or mother's helper -- is an important part of the routine. "Make sure your child care provider knows the routine before the start of school," Murphy reports. "A big source of stress for preschoolers is whether mom will be there to pick them up. So, if a babysitter or another relative will be meeting your child after school, make sure they know.

Help Your Child Prepare
Get your child involved in the preparation process, too. Murphy says, "It's always fun to go out shopping for a few new notebooks or a special pencil case. Having the right lunchbox or knapsack can make a child feel excited about the start of the year."

READ MORE: "How to Save Money on School Supplies "

Keep Calm
Back-to-school season can get very anxious for families, as you're all rushing to get things done. But try to avoid the chaos. Nixon says that if parents stay peaceful, there's a greater chance the kids will, too. "Remain calm," she says, "and promote a harmonious home life where children feel safe and as stress-free as possible."

READ MORE: "7 Tips for Staying Calm "

Get Ready the Night Before
The night before school will be full of excitement, and it's the perfect time to start getting ready for the big day. Nixon suggests you, "Lay out backpacks, clothes, [summer] homework and anything else needed in the morning to cut down on morning chaos."

Once everything is set for the next day, focus on having a fun and relaxing evening. Make it a family night with a special dinner, a celebratory dessert and some bonding time. Check out this list of 101 Fun Things to Do with Kids This Summer. See if you missed anything and if you can squeeze it in before school starts in the morning.

Let your kids take the lead on school nights with our printable preschooler checklist and elementary-aged checklist.

Plan Some Fun
Brainstorm ideas with your kids for things to do when school ends on the first day. Yes, you may have to run and grab some last-minute school supplies, but when that's taken care of what is something fun you can do together? Knowing this plan is in place will help get you and your kids through the initial stressors of that first day.

Having a first great day of school starts weeks ahead of time, but with these tips from the experts, your kids can have a stress-free and exciting first day of school.
Elizabeth SanFilippo is a freelance writer.

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11 Tips For Having A Great First Day Of School

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Make your child's first day of school fun and stress-free with a little preparation. While excitement might be in the air over new clothes and school supplies, it's only natural for kids -- and parents -- to have a few worries about changing routines and heading back to the classroom.

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Muchos niños tienen dificultades para regular sus emociones. Hacer Berrinches, tener arrebatos, quejarse, desafiar, pelear: estos son todos los comportamientos que ve cuando los niños experimentan sentimientos poderosos que no pueden controlar. Mientras que algunos niños han aprendido a comportarse mal porque les dan lo que quieren (atención o tiempo en el iPad), otros niños tienen problemas para mantener la calma porque son inusualmente sensibles.

La buena noticia es que aprender a calmarse en lugar de comportarse mal es una habilidad que se puede enseñar.

¿Qué es la desregulación?

" Las reacciones de algunos niños son simplemente mayores que las de sus compañeros, hermanos o primos", explica Lindsey Giller, PsyD, psicóloga clínica del Child Mind Institute. "No sólo sienten las cosas con mayor intensidad y rapidez, sino que a menudo son más lentos para volver a la calma". Los sentimientos insólitamente intensos también pueden hacer que un niño sea más propenso a comportamientos impulsivos.

Cuando los niños están abrumados por los sentimientos, agrega la Dra. Giller, el lado emocional del cerebro no se está comunicando con el lado racional, el cual normalmente regula las emociones y planifica la mejor manera de lidiar con una situación. Los expertos lo llaman estar "desregulado". No es efectivo tratar de razonar con un niño que está desregulado. Para discutir lo que sucedió, debe esperar hasta que las facultades racionales de un niño vuelvan a estar "en línea".

Volver a pensar las emociones

Los padres pueden comenzar al ayudar a los niños a comprender cómo funcionan sus emociones. Los niños no van de la calma al sollozo en el suelo en un instante. Esa emoción se construyó con el tiempo, como una ola. Los niños pueden aprender el control al notar y etiquetar sus sentimientos más temprano, antes de que la ola se vuelva demasiado grande para manejar.

Algunos niños dudan en reconocer las emociones negativas. "Muchos niños crecen pensando que la ansiedad, el enojo y la tristeza son emociones malas", dice Stephanie Samar, PsyD, psicóloga clínica del Child Mind Institute. Pero nombrar y aceptar estas emociones es "una base para resolver problemas sobre cómo manejarlas".

Los padres también pueden minimizar los sentimientos negativos, señala la Dra. Samar, porque quieren que sus hijos sean felices. Pero los niños necesitan aprender que todos tenemos una variedad de sentimientos. "No quieres crear una dinámica en la que solo estar feliz sea bueno", dice ella.

Modele manejar sentimientos difíciles

"Para los niños más pequeños es útil que usted describa sus propios sentimientos y modele cómo los maneja", señala la Dra. Samar. "Lo escuchan planeando estrategias sobre sus propios sentimientos, cuando está nervioso o frustrado, y cómo va a manejarlo, y ellos pueden usar estas palabras".

Para los niños que sienten que esas emociones grandes van subiendo sigilosamente de intensidad, usted puede ayudarlos a practicar el reconocimiento de sus emociones y modelar cómo lo hace usted mismo. Intente clasificar la intensidad de sus emociones del 1 al 10, en donde 1 es calmado y 10 es furioso. Si olvida algo que pretendía llevar a la casa de la abuela, podría reconocer que se siente frustrado y decir que está en un 4. Puede parecer un poco tonto al principio, pero les enseña a los niños a detenerse y darse cuenta de lo que están sintiendo.

Si ve que comienzan a enojarse por algo, pregúnteles qué sienten y qué tan molestos están. ¿Están en un 6? Para algunos niños más pequeños, una ayuda visual como un termómetro de sentimientos podría ayudar.

Valide los sentimientos de su hijo

La validación es una herramienta poderosa que ayuda a los niños a calmarse cuando usted les comunica que entiende y acepta lo que sienten. "La validación muestra aceptación, que no es lo mismo que estar de acuerdo", explica la Dra. Giller. "No está juzgando. Y no está tratando de cambiar o arreglar nada". Sentirse comprendidos, explica, ayuda a los niños a liberar sentimientos fuertes.

La validación efectiva significa prestar toda la atención a su hijo. "Desea estar totalmente en sintonía para poder notar su lenguaje corporal y sus expresiones faciales y realmente tratar de entender su perspectiva", dice la Dra. Samar. "Puede ser útil reflexionar y preguntar: '¿Lo estoy entendiendo bien?' O si realmente no lo está entendiendo, está bien decir: 'Estoy tratando de entender'".

Ayudar a los niños mostrándoles que está escuchando y tratando de comprender su experiencia puede ayudar a evitar un comportamiento explosivo cuando un niño está haciendo un berrinche.

Ignorar activamente

Validar los sentimientos no significa prestar atención al mal comportamiento. Ignorar comportamientos como las quejas, discusiones, el lenguaje inapropiado o los arrebatos es una forma de reducir las probabilidades de que estos comportamientos se repitan. Se llama "activamente" porque está llamando la atención de manera visible.

"Se trata de voltear la cara, y a veces el cuerpo, al salirse de la habitación cuando su hijo esté teniendo comportamientos negativos menores con el fin de retirar su atención", explica la Dra. Giller. "Pero la clave de su efectividad es que, tan pronto como su hijo haga algo que pueda alabar, volver a prestarle su atención".

Atención positiva

La herramienta más poderosa que los padres tienen para influir en el comportamiento es la atención. Como dice la Dra. Giller: "Es como un dulce para sus hijos". La atención positiva aumentará los comportamientos en los que se está enfocando.

Cuando esté tratando de formar un comportamiento nuevo para su hijo, desea alabarlo y prestarle mucha atención. "Así que realmente, en serio concéntrese en eso", agrega la Dra. Giller. "Sea sincero, entusiasta y genuino. Y asegúrese de ser muy específico, para estar seguro de que su hijo entiende lo que usted está alabando".

Cuando ayude a su hijo a lidiar con una emoción, observe los esfuerzos para calmarse, por pequeños que sean. Por ejemplo, si su hijo está en medio de un berrinche y lo ve inhalar profundamente, puede decir: "Me gusta que hayas respirado profundamente" y únase a él para respirar profundo juntos.

Expectativas claras

Otra forma clave de ayudar a evitar que los niños se desregulan es hacer que sus expectativas sean claras y seguir rutinas constantes. "Es importante mantener esas expectativas muy claras y cortas", señala la Dra. Samar, y transmitir reglas y comportamientos esperados cuando todos están tranquilos. Una estructura confiable ayuda a los niños a sentirse en control.

Cuando el cambio es inevitable, es bueno avisar con anticipación. Las transiciones son particularmente difíciles para los niños que tienen problemas con emociones mayores, especialmente cuando significa detener una actividad en la que están muy involucrados. Proporcionar una advertencia antes de que ocurra una transición puede ayudarlos a sentirse más preparados. "En 15 minutos nos vamos a sentar a cenar, por lo que tendrás que apagar tu juego en ese momento", sugiere la Dra. Giller. Aún puede ser difícil para ellos cumplir, pero saber qué sigue a continuación ayuda a los niños a sentirse más en control y a estar más tranquilos", explica.

Dar opciones

Cuando se les pide a los niños que hagan cosas que probablemente no les entusiasman, darles opciones puede reducir las pataletas y aumentar el cumplimiento. Por ejemplo: "Puedes venir conmigo a comprar comida o puedes ir con papá a recoger a tu hermana". O: "Pueden prepararse para la cama ahora y podemos leer una historia juntos o pueden prepararse para la cama en 10 minutos y sin historia".

"Dar dos opciones reduce la negociación que puede generar tensión", sugiere la Dra. Samar.

Afrontar con anticipación

Hacer frente por adelantado es planificar de antemano algo que usted predice que puede ser una situación emocionalmente desafiante para su hijo o para ambos. Significa hablar sobre lo que sucederá cuando ambos estén tranquilos, sea directo sobre las emociones negativas que pueden surgir y elaborar estrategias para superarlo.

Si una niña se molestó la última vez que fue a la casa de la abuela porque no se le permitía hacer algo que podía hacer en casa, afrontar con anticipación la próxima visita sería reconocer que vio que estaba frustrada y enojada, y conversar sobre cómo ella puede manejar esos sentimientos. Juntos podrían pensar en algo que se le permite hacer en la casa de la abuela y que puede divertirse haciendo.

Hablar de antemano sobre situaciones estresantes ayuda a evitar los berrinches. "Si configura un plan por adelantado, aumenta la probabilidad de que termine en una situación positiva", señala la Dra. Samar.

Solución de problemas

Si un niño hace un berrinche, los padres a menudo dudan en mencionarlo más tarde, señala la Dra. Samar. "Es natural querer dejar eso atrás. Pero es bueno repasar lo sucedido brevemente, sin juzgar".

Repasar un evento anterior, digamos una pataleta en la juguetería, hace que el niño piense en lo que sucedió y a partir de allí elaborar estrategias sobre lo que podría haberse hecho de manera diferente. Si puede llegar a una o dos cosas que podrían haber llevado a un resultado diferente, su hijo podría recordarlas la próxima vez que empiece a sentirse abrumado.

Cinco minutos especiales al día

Incluso una pequeña cantidad de tiempo reservada de manera confiable, todos los días, para que mamá o papá hagan algo elegido por un niño puede ayudarlo a controlar el estrés en otros momentos del día. Es un momento para una conexión positiva, sin órdenes de los padres, ignorando cualquier mal comportamiento menor, simplemente atendiendo a su hijo y dejándolo a cargo.

Podría ser de ayuda para un niño que está teniendo dificultades en la escuela, por ejemplo, saber qué puede esperar ese momento especial. "Estos cinco minutos de atención de los padres no deberían depender del buen comportamiento", dice la Dra. Samar. "Es un momento, pase lo que pase ese día, para reforzar que 'te amo pase lo que pase' sin condiciones".

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Cómo ayudar a los niños a calmarse | Child Mind Institute

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Muchos niños tienen dificultades para regular sus emociones. Hacer Berrinches, tener arrebatos, quejarse, desafiar, pelear: estos son todos los comportamientos que ve cuando los niños experimentan sentimientos poderosos que no pueden controlar. Mientras que algunos niños han aprendido a comportarse mal porque les dan lo que quieren (atención o tiempo en el iPad), otros niños tienen problemas para mantener la calma porque son inusualmente sensibles.

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Many children have difficulty regulating their emotions. Tantrums, outbursts, whining, defiance, fighting: these are all behaviors you see when kids experience powerful feelings they can't control. While some kids have learned to act out because it gets them what they want - attention or time on the iPad - other kids have trouble staying calm because they are unusually sensitive.

The good news is that learning to calm down instead of acting out is a skill that can be taught.

What is dysregulation?

" Some children's reactions are just bigger than their peers or their siblings or their cousins," explains Lindsey Giller, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. "Not only do they feel things more intensely and quickly, they're often slower to return to being calm." Unusually intense feelings can also make a child more prone to impulsive behaviors.

When kids are overwhelmed by feelings, adds Dr. Giller, the emotional side of the brain isn't communicating with the rational side, which normally regulates emotions and plans the best way to deal with a situation. Experts call it being "dysregulated." It's not effective to try to reason with a child who's dysregulated. To discuss what happened, you need to wait until a child's rational faculties are back "online."

Rethinking emotions

Parents can start by helping children understand how their emotions work. Kids don't go from calm to sobbing on the floor in an instant. That emotion built over time, like a wave. Kids can learn control by noticing and labeling their feelings earlier, before the wave gets too big to handle.

Some kids are hesitant to acknowledge negative emotions. "A lot of kids are growing up thinking anxiety, anger, sadness are bad emotions," says Stephanie Samar, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. But naming and accepting these emotions is "a foundation to problem-solving how to manage them."

Parents may also minimize negative feelings, notes Dr. Samar, because they want their kids to be happy. But children need to learn that we all have a range of feelings. "You don't want to create a dynamic that only happy is good," she says.

Model managing difficult feelings

"For younger children, describing your own feelings and modeling how you manage them is useful," notes Dr. Samar. "They hear you strategizing about your own feelings, when you're nervous or frustrated, and how you're going to handle it, and they can use these words."

For kids who feel like big emotions sneak up on them, you can help them practice recognizing their emotions, and model doing that yourself. Try ranking the intensity of your emotions from 1-10, with 1 being pretty calm and 10 being furious. If you forget something that you meant to bring to Grandma's, you could acknowledge that you are feeling frustrated and say that you're at a 4. It might feel a little silly at first, but it teaches kids to pause and notice what they are feeling.

If you see them starting to get upset about something, ask them what they are feeling, and how upset they are. Are they at a 6? For some younger kids, a visual aid like a feelings thermometer might help.

Validation is a powerful tool for helping kids calm down by communicating that you understand and accept what they're feeling. "Validation is showing acceptance, which is not the same thing as agreement," Dr. Giller explains. "It's nonjudgmental. And it's not trying to change or fix anything." Feeling understood, she explains, helps kids let go of powerful feelings.

Effective validation means paying undivided attention to your child. "You want to be fully attuned so you can notice her body language and facial expressions and really try to understand her perspective," says Dr. Samar. "It can help to reflect back and ask, 'Am I getting it right?' Or if you're truly not getting it, it's okay to say, 'I'm trying to understand.' "

Helping kids by showing them that you're listening and trying to understand their experience can help avoid explosive behavior when a child is building towards a tantrum.

Active ignoring

Validating feelings doesn't mean giving attention to bad behavior. Ignoring behaviors like whining, arguing, inappropriate language or outbursts is a way to reduce the chances of these behaviors being repeated. It's called "active" because it's withdrawing attention conspicuously.

"You're turning your face, and sometimes body, away or leaving the room when your child is engaging in minor misbehaviors in order to withdraw your attention," Dr. Giller explains. "But the key to its effectiveness is, as soon as your child is doing something you can praise, to turn your attention back on."

Positive attention

The most powerful tool parents have in influencing behavior is attention. As Dr. Giller puts it, "It's like candy for your kids." Positive attention will increase the behaviors you are focusing on.

When you're shaping a new behavior, you want to praise it and give a lot of attention to it. "So really, really focus in on it," adds Dr. Giller. "Be sincere, enthusiastic and genuine. And you want it to be very specific, to make sure your child understands what you are praising."

When helping your child deal with an emotion, notice the efforts to calm down, however small. For example, if your child is in the midst of a tantrum and you see him take a deep inhale of air, you can say, "I like that you took a deep breath" and join him in taking additional deep breathes.

Clear expectations

Another key way to help prevent kids from getting dysregulated is to make your expectations clear and follow consistent routines. "It's important to keep those expectations very clear and short," notes Dr. Samar, and convey rules and expected behaviors when everyone is calm. Dependable structure helps kids feel in control.

When change is unavoidable, it's good to give advance warning. Transitions are particularly tough for kids who have trouble with big emotions, especially when it means stopping an activity they're very engaged in. Providing a warning before a transition happens can help kids feel more prepared. "In 15 minutes, we're going to sit down at the table for dinner, so you're going to need to shut off your PS4 at that time," Dr. Giller suggests. It may still be hard for them to comply, but knowing it's coming helps kids feel more in control and stay calmer," she explains.

Give options

When kids are asked to do things they're not likely to feel enthusiastic about, giving them options may reduce outbursts and increase compliance. For instance: "You can either come with me to food shopping or you can go with Dad to pick up your sister." Or: "You can get ready for bed now and we can read a story together - or you can get ready for bed in 10 minutes and no story."

"Giving two options reduces the negotiating that can lead to tension," Dr. Samar suggests.

Coping ahead

Coping ahead is planning in advance for something that you predict may be an emotionally challenging situation for your child, or for both of you. It means talking, when you are both calm, about what's coming, being direct about what negative emotions can arise, and strategizing how you will get through it.

If a child was upset last time she was at Grandma's house because she wasn't allowed to do something she gets to do at home, coping ahead for the next visit would be acknowledging that you saw that she was frustrated and angry, and discussing how she can handle those feelings. Together you might come up with something she is allowed to do at Grandma's that she can have fun doing.

Talking about stressful situations in advance helps avoid meltdowns. "If you set up a plan in advance, it increases the likelihood that you'll end up in a positive situation," Dr. Samar notes.

Problem solving

If a child has a tantrum, parents are often hesitant to bring it up later, Dr. Samar notes. "It's natural to want to put that behind us. But it's good to revisit briefly, in a non-judgmental way."

Revisiting an earlier event - say a meltdown at the toy store - engages the child in thinking about what happened, and to strategize about what could have been done differently. If you can come up with one or two things that might have led to a different outcome, your child might remember them next time he's starting to feel overwhelmed.

Five special minutes a day

Even a small amount of time set aside reliably, every day, for mom or dad to do something chosen by a child can help that child manage stress at other points in the day. It's a time for positive connection, without parental commands, ignoring any minor misbehavior, just attending to your child and letting her be in charge.

It can help a child who's having a tough time in school, for instance, to know she can look forward to that special time. "This five minutes of parental attention should not be contingent on good behavior," says Dr. Samar. "It's a time, no matter what happened that day, to reinforce that 'I love you no matter what.' "

How do you help an angry child calm down?

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How to Help Children Calm Down - Child Mind Institute

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Learn how to help kids calm down before frustration, fear or anger builds into explosive behavior. Emotional regulation is a skill some kids need to be taught.

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All kids get an occasional headache or stomach ache - think not enough sleep or too much Halloween candy. But when children get them often, they may be signs of anxiety.

Stomach aches in the morning before school. Headaches when there's a math test on the schedule. Butterflies before a birthday party. Throwing up before a soccer game. These physical symptoms may be the first evidence a parent has that a child is anxious. In fact, the child may not even know she is anxious.

"Especially with kids who may not be able to verbalize what they're feeling anxious about, the way their anxiety manifests can be through physical symptoms," explains Amanda Greenspan, LCSW, a clinical social worker at the Child Mind Institute.

Physical symptoms of anxiety

In fact anxiety is associated with a host of physical symptoms, including headaches, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, along with a racing heart, shakiness or sweating - symptoms older people experience when they're having a panic attack.

All these physical symptoms are related to the fight-or-flight response triggered when the brain detects danger. All of them have a purpose, notes Janine Domingues, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. When she talks to kids about anxious headaches or stomach aches, she explains the role of each. For instance, she says, "your stomach hurts because your digestive system is shutting down to send blood to other areas of your body. You don't want to be digesting food at that moment because you're trying to either flee danger or fight danger."

Dr. Domingues assures children that these symptoms are not harmful - they're just their emergency system responding to a false alarm. But it's important to understand that kids aren't necessarily inventing their symptoms, and the danger may feel very real to them. Don't assume a child who spends a lot of time in the nurse's office at school is doing it intentionally to get out of class. Her acute anxiety may be causing her pain.

"Headaches and stomach aches related to anxiety are still real feelings, and we want to take them seriously," says Ms. Greenspan.

Check with your pediatrician

When a child develops a pattern of physical symptoms before school, or other potentially stressful moments, experts recommend that you visit your doctor to rule out medical concerns. But if the child gets a clean bill of health, the next step is to help the child make the connection between their worries and their physical symptoms.

"We help them understand in a very child-friendly way that sometimes our body can actually give us clues into what we're feeling," explains Ms. Greenspan.

Parents can start by validating their child's experience and reframing it in a more helpful way. Instead of telling kids there's nothing wrong with them, the goal is to tell them that what they're feeling is worry.

"We give it a name," adds Dr. Domingues. "We help them connect it to an emotion and label it."

And after some practice kids are able to identify it, she adds. " 'Yes, my stomach hurts and, oh yeah, I remember that's because I'm feeling worried.' And after learning some skills to help them calm down, I think they feel a sense of control. And that helps."

What can parents do to help?

The first thing our experts suggest is something parents should not do, or at least try not to do: Let kids avoid things they are afraid of. It can be very tempting when children are complaining of a headache or stomach ache to let them stay home from school, or skip the party or the game they're worried about. But avoidance actually reinforces the anxiety.

"If we're allowing them to avoid it," says Ms. Greenspan, "then they're not able to learn that they can tolerate it." The message needs to be: "I know it hurts, I know it's uncomfortable, but I know you can do it."

Another things parents should not do is ask children leading questions like "Are you worried about the math test?" Questions should be open ended, to avoid suggesting that you expect them to be anxious: "How are you feeling about the math test?"

If the problems your child is having are disrupting his ability to go to school consistently - or concentrate at school, participate in activities, socialize with peers - he might have developed an anxiety disorder that should be treated by a mental health professional. The treatment favored by most clinicians for anxiety disorders is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT helps kids - as young as 5 years old - identify their anxiety and learn skills to reduce it.

The techniques clinicians teach children to calm down body and mind can also be deployed by parents, for children with less impairing symptoms.

Techniques for calming down

Here are some of the techniques clinicians teach anxious children, adapted from CBT and mindfulness training:

Deep breathing: Drawing in air by expanding the belly, sometimes called belly breathing, helps kids relax by slowing breathing, and reducing the heart rate, blood pressure and stress hormones. It can also help relax tense stomach muscles.

Mindfulness exercises: Techniques such as focusing on what's around them, what they see and hear, can help pull children away from the anxiety and ground them in the moment.

Coping statements: Children are taught to "talk back to their worries," Ms. Greenspan explains. "They can say, 'I'm feeling scared and I can handle it.' Or something along the lines of, 'I'm bigger than my anxiety.'"

Coping ahead: Children are taught that when you have to do something that makes you nervous, it helps to anticipate that you might have some discomfort, and plan what you can do to counteract it, knowing that if you can push through it, it will get easier.

Acceptance: This involves acknowledging the discomfort without fighting it. "Instead of trying to push the feeling away and get rid of it," Dr. Domingues explains, "we ask you to hold onto it and tolerate it and get through it."

The parents' role is key

It's only natural that parents don't want to see their kids in distress or make them go to school when they're worried that they'll throw up. That puts parents in a difficult spot. "What we hear from parents is, 'We just let him stay home one day - and one day led to three months,' " says Dr. Domingues. It's a slippery slope - the child may ask to stay home more and more.

"So we work with parents a lot around how to find that balance between enabling anxiety and meeting a child where they are," she adds. "And we also give them statements that they can use to be empathic and encouraging at the same time. For instance: 'I know that this is really hard and you feel like you're sick. But we also know that this is anxiety, and you can get through it.' "

Sometimes setting up a reward system can help by giving a lot of positive reinforcement for kids pushing through their anxiety.

Parents also face the challenge of tolerating their own anxiety about pushing a child who says she is ill or worried about vomiting. "If your kid is in distress and talking about not wanting to go to school or feeling sick or thinking they might throw up," says Dr. Domingues, "then you're, as a parent, also anxious that that might happen."

Working with the school

The school plays an important role when kids develop physical symptoms of anxiety. Clinicians work with the school nurse - and sometimes the psychologist or school counselor - to set up a protocol for keeping the child's absences from class as short as possible. For instance, the recommended amount of time to wait before encouraging the child to go back to class might be as short as five minutes.

"As much as we can, we urge them not to contact the parent or send the child home if they're saying that they're nauseous," adds Dr. Domingues, "if we know that they are feeling this way because they're anxious." The shorter the break can be, the better it is, because the longer they're out of the thing that's making them feel anxious, she says, the harder it will be to get them back in.

This sort of symptoms can appear in a wide-range of children, but they're most common in the grade-school years, notes Ms. Greenspan. "As kids get older and transition into adolescence and adulthood, they are more likely to manifest their anxiety symptoms in other ways."

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Anxious Stomach Aches and Headaches | Child Mind Institute

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All kids get an occasional headache or stomach ache - think not enough sleep or too much Halloween candy. But when children get them often, they may be signs of anxiety. Stomach aches in the morning before school. Headaches when there's a math test on the schedule. Butterflies before a birthday party.

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Successful Transitions to Home Learning

Join Conscious Discipline Master Instructor Jill Molli as she offers an overview of helpful structures that support a successful transition to school learning. Families are reeling as adults and children are simultaneous adjusting to the newness of both home schooling and work from home expectations. This practical webinar suggests four key starting points that will increase safety, add structure and restore some normalcy to your daily routines.

Be kind and patient with yourself, your children, your loved ones and the educational community as we all adapt to unprecedented life changes.

Remember that all of us (including you!) are doing the best we can amidst challenging circumstances. Navigating unfamiliar territory takes time, and it's okay to "Oops" along the way. Discover more helpful downloadable digital resources and tips in this related article, Five Tips for Successful Home Learning.

Webinar Outline

00:04 Introduction

00:45 Overview of four tips to set your classroom up at home

01:00 Tip #1: Get yourself and your kids dressed for the day

01:17 Differentiate Saturdays from school days

01:43 Tip #2: Start early, similar to the regular school day

01:51 Keep a morning routine

02:20 Check progress often

03:17 Tip #3: Give choices for where school will happen

03:40 Offer flexible seating and set boundaries

04:10 Tip #4: Set a visual schedule

04:27 How to manage a schedule that is provided by the child's school

05:33 How to help daily assignments not feel so overwhelming

06:07 Celebrate small milestones throughout the day

06:17 Recap: How you are going to transform your home into a school

06:48 What to do when your children are not doing their schoolwork/Conclusion

Resource Mentions

Helpful Next Steps

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Webinar: Four Tips for Successful Home Learning | Conscious Discipline

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Join Conscious Discipline Master Instructor Jill Molli as she offers an overview of helpful structures that support a successful transition to school learning. Families are reeling as adults and children are simultaneous adjusting to the newness of both home schooling and work from home expectations.

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Let's Get Fit | Count to 100 | Count to 100 Song | Counting to 100 | Jack Hartmann

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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Shapes song for kids | The Singing Walrus

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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Stories read aloud online/ historias leídas en voz alta

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Stories read aloud online/ historias leídas en voz alta

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Click here >> Storyline
Click here >> Just books read aloud

haga clic aquí >> Libros para imaginar
haga clic aquí >>  The Spanish Experiment

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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Fun Phonics Practice Video: with random letters A - Z

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SafeYouTube lets you share videos on YouTube easily, without distracting third-party content or advertisements.

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At Starfall, children have fun while they learn. Educational games, movies, books, songs, and more for PreK and Kindergarten learners.

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ABCya! * Kindergarten Learning Games, Ages 5 - 6

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Kids LOVE our free online games! Race cars, meet cuddly penguins, and explore while practicing counting, sight words, and more kindergarten skills. Play now!

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These resources are for parents/caregivers looking for additional learning opportunities above what is assigned in Seesaw. Some parents have requested more to keep children busy while they are working or siblings are still working.

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School & District -Subscriptions | Seesaw

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Meaningful learning can happen anywhere. Set up a secure remote/distance learning environment when emergencies like COVID-19 cause school closure. We're here to help with resources to support effective remote/distance learning experiences for students, teachers, and families.

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Qué es Seesaw? Introducción para las Familias (Español)

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THJ Remote Learning Seesaw for Families (1)

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Contact Mrs. Schneider at rschneider@taylorisd.org

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Need Help De-Stressing?, Tips on Talking to Your Kids about the Corona Virus, etc.

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Need Help De-Stressing?, Tips on Talking to Your Kids about the Corona Virus, etc.

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How You and Your Kids Can De-Stress During Coronavirus | Parenting...

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If you are feeling stress about COVID-19, you are not alone. Here are some tools for kids and parents to use to help navigate these worries and stresses in this or any situation.

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Choice Tools for Managing Complex Schedules

Sometimes children feel overwhelmed or frustrated by a full daily schedule. They may also struggle to complete a dreaded task (like schoolwork or chores) or find it challenging to wait for a favorite activity.

Educator and coach Katie Ahearn created two tools to help children navigate these common scheduling challenges. These tools, a Home Schedule Breakdown and a Home Choice Board, scaffold children's emerging executive skills. They also increase predictability (safety), cooperation, confidence and success.

Age

Helps with

Creating predictability and safety

Reducing conflict and power struggles/increasing cooperation

Building executive skills such as prioritization and time management

Increasing confidence and success

Use

Tools to help families navigate common scheduling challenges

Format

Two full-page templates and six pages of activity cards

Materials

Printed Choice Tools for Managing Complex Schedules

Scissors

Card stock

Tape or Velcro

Related Resources

Related Products

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Resource: Choice Tools for Managing Complex Schedules | Conscious Discipline

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Choice Tools for Managing Complex Schedules Sometimes children feel overwhelmed or frustrated by a full daily schedule. They may also struggle to complete a dreaded task (like schoolwork or chores) or find it challenging to wait for a favorite activity. Educator and coach Katie Ahearn created two tools to help children navigate these common scheduling challenges.

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Caring Connections Calendar

Authentic connection provides a buffer that softens the negative effects of stressful situations. As you and your family cope with the life changes and anxiety caused by COVID-19, use activities from this Caring Connections Calendar to enjoy restorative moments of bonding, beauty and joy.

Created by Conscious Discipline Master Instructor Kim Hughes, the Caring Connections Calendar features activities that strengthen relationships by practicing kindness, being grateful and spending quality time with those we love.

Age

Helps with

Connection

Kindness

Helpfulness

Focusing on the positive

Use

Provides daily activities to help families practice connection and compassion

Format

Materials

Printed Caring Connections Calendar

Related Resources

Related Products

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Resource: Caring Connections Calendar | Conscious Discipline

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Caring Connections Calendar Authentic connection provides a buffer that softens the negative effects of stressful situations. As you and your family cope with the life changes and anxiety caused by COVID-19, use activities from this Caring Connections Calendar to enjoy restorative moments of bonding, beauty and joy.

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Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas

Los vínculos auténticos proveen un amortiguador que suaviza los efectos negativos de situaciones estresantes. Conforme usted y su familia enfrentan los cambios de la vida y la ansiedad causada por COVID-19, implemente actividades de este Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas para disfrutar de momentos restauradores de conexión, belleza y alegría.

Creado por la Instructora Master Kim Hughes, el Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas ofrece actividades que fortalecen relaciones al practicar amabilidad, gratitud y compartir tiempo de calidad con aquellos que amamos.

EDAD

AYUDA CON

Conexión

Amabilidad

Ayudar a otros

Enfocarse en lo positivo

USO

Provee actividades diarias para ayudar a la familia a practicar conexión y compasión

FORMATO

MATERIALES

Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas Impreso

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Resource: Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas | Conscious Discipline

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Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas Los vínculos auténticos proveen un amortiguador que suaviza los efectos negativos de situaciones estresantes. Conforme usted y su familia enfrentan los cambios de la vida y la ansiedad causada por COVID-19, implemente actividades de este Calendario de Conexiones Cariñosas para disfrutar de momentos restauradores de conexión, belleza y alegría.

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Anda cu Miedo (Papiamento)
This two-page printable helps children recognize and accept their fears related to COVID-19, then choose calming activities. Children will learn actionable steps that they can take to calm themselves in moments of fear or anxiety. This resource was translated into Papiamento by Conscious Discipline International Instructor Carla Briezen. Papiamento is the most widely spoken language on the Caribbean ABC islands.
Age

Help With

Self-regulation

Active calming

Identifying triggers

Use

Helping children identify things that trigger fear, then choose a calming activity

Format

Instructions and two-page printable

Materials

Printed Anda cu "Miedo" Durante COVID-19 resource

Pen, pencil, crayons/markers

Related Resources

Related Products

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Resource: Anda cu Miedo (Papiamento) | Conscious Discipline

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This two-page printable helps children recognize and accept their fears related to COVID-19, then choose calming activities. Children will learn actionable steps that they can take to calm themselves in moments of fear or anxiety. This resource was translated into Papiamento by Conscious Discipline International Instructor Carla Briezen.

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Brain breaks are short mental breaks taken throughout a lesson or academic activity. They help children remain calm, focused and engaged, and they’ve been

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Taking Deep Breaths Helps Us Regulate Our Emotions

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Taking Deep Breaths Helps Us Regulate Our Emotions

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TH Johnson Elementary School is a Pre-K 3, Pre-K and Kindergarten Campus that is part of Taylor Independent School District in Taylor, TX

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THJ Virtual Meet the Teacher on Monday, August 17th! We are excited to meet our THJ families! Your child's classroom teacher will contact each family with instructions on how to join them virtually for Meet the Teacher. Times are below for each grade level.

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Most educators know that supporting students' social and emotional wellness is critical to their overall success. We can't expect students to process information when they're distracted, hungry, tired or feel unsafe.

Now that parents and caregivers are overseeing learning at home, we need to ensure that students continue to build and practice social and emotional skills in meaningful ways, especially when distractions and anxieties from current events and in their personal communities are at an all-time high.

Social emotional learning (SEL) strengthens us as individuals and as communities, especially during uncertain times. When we practice and build our skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship building and decision making, we are better equipped to navigate stressors, anxieties, and challenges. We can solve problems and work together to function at a higher level-in the classroom, at work and at home.

Regular practice is key, just as it is for any other skill like reading, math or shooting a basketball. The same ways we exercise our bodies or practice dribbling a ball, we have to practice identifying, expressing and managing our emotions. Empathy is a muscle we have to flex. By consistently doing so, when we encounter stressful situations, we have a toolkit that we can readily draw upon to help us navigate that stressor or de-escalate the conflict.

So how can we practice SEL at home? Here are ten tips that families can follow.

1. Take care of yourself, even when it feels like the last thing you can do right now.

In order to cultivate the social and emotional skills of young people, you must take care of your own mental, social and emotional wellness. Young children are sensitive to the stress of their caretakers.

We must stay calm and realistic. They sense when we are worried and anxious, and our emotions directly affect the emotions of our children. We must build in time, even if only 10 minutes a day, for our own wellness practices-journaling, going for a walk, meditating, exercising, for example. Much like putting on our own oxygen mask first before putting on a child's, we must take care of ourselves during this stressful time so that we're able to show up for others.

2. Establish routines and intentionality.

Routines ground us and provide a sense of safety and security. They are especially important for young children and children who have experienced trauma. Right now, amid the uncertainty of COVID-19, all of us are experiencing trauma. Disasters, forced isolation and other situations associated with the virus break students' usual routines.

Craft a daily routine for you and your children to stick to. Create intentional time and structure for social emotional learning. This would ideally be 5 to 10 minutes of dedicated practice every day. Use an evidence-based curriculum that provides a thoughtful scope and sequence, allowing students to build upon skills over time. At Move This World, we have opened up access to a library of free videos and activities to help you integrate this work into your home more easily.

3. Presence is not the same as being present.

Many parents may be more physically present than they ever have because they are now home. But that does not mean they are truly present due to increased work demands while supporting learning at home. Many of us are also stressed ourselves, making us less emotionally available.

It is important to dedicate structured time to connection and not assume that it will happen organically because we are more "present" now than ever before. Be intentional about when you're connecting with children and when you are working. Set daily times for playing together, reading books or singing songs.

4. Commit acts of service or kindness for others.

Practicing kindness for others helps us build an appreciation for our own lives and situations, in addition to improve our physical and mental health. Phone or write people you know who live alone or are on the frontlines to help them feel less isolated. Write a letter outlining the highlights of your day, or draw a picture of a joyful moment you've experienced or something you wish for someone else. Demonstrating kindness gives a more powerful message than just talking about it, and helps build gratitude during difficult times.

5. Engage in creativity together.

Being creative is an inherently vulnerable process, especially for older students and adults. By flexing our creative muscles, we can crack open pieces of ourselves that may otherwise be closed off, find opportunities to learn new things about ourselves and others, or learn new modalities to communicate.

Examples of creativity in action include cooking or baking together, doing puzzles, coloring or art projects, playing board games, or writing a poem or a song together. Moving together is doubly powerful in getting our blood flowing and activating kinesthetic empathy, or the ability to experience empathy through the movement of another human being. Try taking turns mirroring each other's movements or just having a dance party where you each create a new move and teach it to one another.

6. Celebrate what you can.

The days can seem long and hard to separate when they are often spent stuck inside. Try to find something small (or two or three things if you can!) to celebrate each day. Celebrate health, a new day, the sun shining. Journal three daily highlights or share them with each other. Research has indicated that when we stop to "savor the good stuff," we develop resilience to the negative events that may be happening in our lives.

7. Practice active listening.

Do not assume that you know exactly what your child is feeling or is afraid of. Ask questions, listen actively and model eye contact, and then explain what you can in response to their questions. Validate that you see and acknowledge their feelings, fears and concerns.

Research tells us to be careful in how we respond to fear and to be mindful not to redirect or diminish the feeling by saying things like, "there's nothing to be afraid of." By validating our child's emotions we help them better accept and understand their feelings, develop self compassion, and empathize with others.

8. Help your child express and name emotions.

This helps young people understand what it is that they're feeling. If children are struggling to identify their feelings, ask them to express it through drawing, a facial expression, or through a movement in their body. Older students can try journal prompts like: "If I were a weather reporter and my feelings were the weather, it would be _____ today." They may be able to describe a cloudy, gloomy day but not have the emotional vocabulary to specify their feelings.

9. Practice social emotional learning daily.

Building important habits takes practice, and just as you brush your teeth every day, students and adults need daily opportunities to identify, express and manage their emotions. Our emotions and stressors change hour to hour and day to day, and it's important that we check in with ourselves and those around us in order to understand what we all need in order to work through those feelings and move through them together.

10. Transition mindfully.

During times of stress and anxiety, it's easy to get pulled in by negative thoughts and emotions, and it is difficult to remain in the present moment. Transitions are already challenging for young children, so introduce mindful breathing as you transition between learning time, lunch time and play time. This could mean breathing in for a count of 4 and exhaling for a count of 4.

You could also quietly stretch your bodies and follow the leader, de-escalating and bringing down your "emotional temperature" so that we can quiet our bodies and minds and move on to the next thing with more focus. Identifying a color, and asking children to name everything in the room that's of that color, is another quick exercise that helps us focus and takes us away from a swirling stream of worry and confusion.

These are times filled with worry, fear and uncertainty. It is a challenge we didn't expect, and the obstacles are shifting each and every day. We need social and emotional skills more than ever, and we can lean into this event as a learning opportunity in how we react to stressful, overwhelming circumstances while juggling multiple responsibilities.

We will certainly not be perfect each moment of every day. But by opening an honest dialogue about our emotions and incorporating SEL into our days with intentionality, we are helping ourselves and our children now and for the future.

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10 Ways Parents Can Bring Social-Emotional Learning Home - EdSurge News

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Most educators know that supporting students' social and emotional wellness is critical to their overall success. We can't expect students to process information when they're distracted, hungry, tired or feel unsafe.

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Reading - leveled texts / lectura de texto nivelado

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Reading - leveled texts / lectura de texto nivelado

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