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House's mistakes making him who he is now. 

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House's mistakes making him who he is now. 

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Tried to picture houses struggling though out the seasons epically in the asylum in episode 1 of season 6. House MD - Hope you like the video. Song is : Same Mistake by James Blunt. By the way, it is a fan video (no copy rights)..

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"Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning."

―Dr. Gregory House, introducing himself to the clinic patients in Occam's Razor.

Gregory House, M.D., (almost universally referred to as House and rarely as Greg) is the main character and protagonist of the series. He is portrayed by British actor Hugh Laurie, who is noted for his mastery of faking an American accent.

TVOverMind.com picked House as their top TV Character of the decade [1]. Entertainment Weekly chose Gregory House as their 84th greatest character of the past 20 years [2]. In 2011, he was the most widely discussed fictional character on the social media site Facebook. Hugh Laurie's portrayal of House won 2 Golden Globes for "Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama" in 2006 and 2007.

Early life Edit

House was born in 1959. One possible birthday is June 11, 1959 (according to his hospital admission bracelet in No Reason) which is also actor Hugh Laurie's actual birth date. Another is May 15, 1959, according to his Driver License in Two Stories as well as the sheet of information he sticks to his bathroom wall in After Hours in case of his death. [3]. The child of an unknown man and Blythe House, a housewife who was married to a Marine pilot John House. At the same time that John was overseas, Blythe was also having an affair with Thomas Bell whom House believed was his biological father because they share certain physical characteristics and birthmarks.

As his father served on active duty through most of House's childhood and adolescence, House has lived in a variety of countries, such as Egypt, the Philippines and Japan. As a result, House is able to speak Spanish and Mandarin Chinese, is able to read at least some Hindi and also claims to read Portuguese. Additionally, he has some knowledge of several others. For example, he used French and Latin phrases several times, but it is unknown how much of these languages he knows.

House was obviously a bright child, a mixed blessing as his harshly demanding father and enabling mother obviously had high hopes for him. He cultivated a variety of interests, such as chemistry and playing the piano and guitar. However, it appears that his isolation from people his age and his poor relationship with his parents led House to become something of a loner. He had no real friends growing up which more than likely added on to his anti-social behavior. It is intimated that he frequently rebelled against his father and was punished as a result with both intense physical discomfort and emotional isolation.

At the age of 12, realizing that his father had been away during his conception, House deduced that John was not his biological father. House confronted John with this information, and as a result they stopped speaking to one another for an entire summer, communicating only through hand-written notes. Their relationship, however, returned to normal following this brief spat (although there is sufficient evidence presented throughout the series that points towards John's abuse of a young House). John treated House coldly, likely due to a lack of understanding between the two. It could be said that John did not resent House, but was a believer in tough love. Another theory is that considering that his punishments were more harsh, John more than likely, abused House as a way of exercising his frustration at Blythe's infidelity. This fact did not stop Blythe from supporting her husband, which made House all the more resentful towards his father. In One Day, One Room House confides in Eve that his father repeatedly abused him throughout his childhood, making him take ice water baths and sleep outside in the cold as a way of administering discipline. House strongly hints at this being the source of the fragility in he and his father's relationship. House is emotionally damaged by the dysfunction in these primary relationships, citing his mother's dishonesty and his father's hostility as causes of his damaged personality. His colleagues have acknowledged that this is the source of House's deep-seated unhappiness, and cynicism; his fear of intimacy, praise, and the unknown; as well as his lack of acceptance regarding traditional societal values and rituals.

It was during his visit to a Japanese hospital in his early teens that House met a disheveled-looking man appearing to be a janitor who was (despite his appearance) the greatest medical practitioner in the entire hospital. He later discovered the man was a , an "untouchable" in the Japanese caste system who made no attempt to fit in with the rest of the hospital staff. When one of House's friends is gravely wounded in a rock climbing accident, the doctors turn to the buraku healer for his expertise. House cites this as the primary motivation behind his choice to become a doctor, noting that when all else failed, the doctors heeded the buraku's advice despite their intense distaste for him. The treatment of the buraku healer presumably mirrors the manner in which House was treated as a young man: being ignored by his "betters" despite his atypical, prodigious intellect, profound understanding of human nature, and wisdom beyond his years.

In his late teenage years, House went to a prep school in the United States where, in addition to keeping very good grades, he played varsity lacrosse and demonstrated a keen interest in music, both modern and classical.

Higher Education Edit

House went to Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland where he was in the pre-med program, maintaining an excellent GPA and eventually getting a perfect score on his MCAT. Before he went to med school, he thought about getting a Ph.D. in physics due to his desire to research dark matter. He obtained admission to Johns Hopkins Medical School and was one of their best students, eventually becoming the favorite to obtain a prestigious internship at the Mayo Clinic despite many run-ins with faculty members who he felt were treating him unfairly. However, he was caught cheating by his fellow student Philip Weber, the man whom he later treated as his arch-nemesis, and proceedings were set in motion to finalize his expulsion. Weber received the internship that House was supposed to receive.

Despite his academic misconduct, House was accepted into the University of Michigan's Medical System on a provisional basis while waiting out the appeal period at Johns Hopkins. During his time at UM House spent most of his time hanging around the university bookstore, where he eventually met a young undergraduate named Lisa Cuddy. Following a one night stand, however, House had learned he would not be re-admitted to Johns Hopkins and he would have to repeat his final year of medical school. As a result, he withdrew from his social life and ceased his pursuit of a formal relationship with Cuddy. House ultimately completed his internship and obtained residencies in pathology, nephrology and infectious disease, in addition to his completion of a double specialty.

In 1991, House attended a medical convention in New Orleans, Louisiana where he noticed a young medical school graduate carrying around unopened divorce papers all weekend. He followed the doctor, James Wilson, to a bar where a man kept playing Billy Joel's "Leave a Tender Moment Alone" on the jukebox which reminded Wilson of his recent breakup, prompting the two to get into an argument. In a fit of anger, Wilson threw a bottle and broke an antique mirror, getting himself arrested for assault, vandalism, and property destruction. House followed him to the police station and bailed him out. They spent the rest of the convention together (mostly drinking) and became close friends.

Romance and PPTH Edit

About ten years before the series started, House participated in a paintball game pitting doctors against lawyers. One of the lawyers, Stacy Warner, shot House and put him out of the game. He asked her out and, despite her acceptance, the couple's first date was a disaster. A week later, however, she moved in with him and the two stayed together for the next five years.

House's medical career prior to his employment at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital is shrouded in mystery, but it appears that although his skills as a diagnostician were unmatched, his disregard for the finer points of medical ethics/protocol, his inability to cooperate with subordinates and administrators alike, and what appears to be a disregard for routine work made him an almost unrivaled liability. It is known, however, that during this time he did indeed live in Princeton.

Six years before the series picked up, House found himself out of work, but he found out that Lisa Cuddy, now 29, had just been appointed as the Chief of Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Seeking employment, House approached her for a job and was hired despite his poor professional reputation. Cuddy once remarked that she hired him because she knew of his extraordinary skill as a diagnostician, although at a lower wage than would be acceptable for a doctor of House's expertise. To placate House and keep him from having to interact with the rest of the hospital staff on a regular basis, Cuddy created a whole new department just for him; the Department of Diagnostic Medicine, the only one of its kind in the entire country, enabling House to pick and choose any cases he desired, whenever he desired. House spent the next several years as Department Head doing as little as possible to keep his job, although he was assigned a star diagnostic team that he regularly abused and belittled. Nevertheless, he soon proved his worth as the "go to" doctor for complex and problematic cases.

Soon after House joined PPTH an opening in the hospital's budding oncology department appeared. Seizing the opportunity, House recommended his friend James Wilson for the job. Wilson was enthusiastic about moving to Princeton, but House didn't find out why for several years - Wilson's schizophrenic brother Danny Wilson had disappeared three years before.

Disability Edit

Main Article Mid 30s man

Five years before the start of the series, House suffered an infarction in his leg while playing golf. Unfortunately, the only symptom was leg pain, and by the time House himself realized that he was suffering from muscle death, the leg was in such a bad state that amputation was the recommended course of action. However, House rejected the suggestion and instead suggested that he undergo a procedure to bypass circulation around the dead muscle. The result was intense pain during the healing process, which nearly resulted in cardiac arrest until House was put into a chemically induced coma. However, while House was comatose, Stacy, acting as his medical proxy, decided to go with Dr. Cuddy's suggestion to have the dead muscle surgically removed. Although this most likely saved House's life, it left him with permanent intense pain in his right leg. The wound on his leg still bears an obvious scar from where the muscle was removed and there is a divot in his skin where the muscle used to be.

House's anger over Stacy's decision not to trust him poisoned the relationship and led to Stacy leaving. House started to lean heavily on Wilson for emotional support, eventually leading in part to Wilson's divorce from his second wife, Bonnie Wilson. House's condition is most likely made worse by the fact that prior to the infarction, he was quite an active athlete, engaging in golf and running on a regular basis.

As a result of the pain, House became addicted to the narcotic pain killer, Vicodin. It should be noted, however, that even before his disability, House admitted to recreational drug use. Although House realizes he is addicted, he believes the Vicodin is the only thing that will allow him to overcome the pain and allow him to function. His dependence on the drug has gotten him into trouble on several occasions, and his colleagues are unsure whether House's anti-social personality traits are the result of his addiction, his pain, or actual personality.

House is very reluctant to talk about the incident which damaged his leg and can be easily offended when it is brought up. On one occasion where he told a group of students about the leg injury, (but disguised his identity), he becomes furious when they, like his original doctors, can't figure out what was wrong.

House is very sensitive of the appearance of his right thigh - it is badly scarred from the operations he has had. Both Cuddy and Dr. Cate Milton have noted his extreme reluctance to show it to anyone, particularly in intimate situations. However, during his period of psychosomatic pain after the departure of Stacy, he deliberately showed it to Cuddy to emphasize the nature of his disability and the cause of his pain in order to get a shot of morphine.

House has generally defended his decision to try to save his leg, but in the Season 6 finale Help Me, when faced with a patient who was making a similar decision and was reluctant to agree to an amputation, House finally admitted that his decision turned out to be a bad one. He admitted that if he had gone ahead with the amputation, he probably would not be in constant pain and would still be in a positive relationship.

The Series Edit

See also House (Broken)

House's willingness to take risks and experiment with his patients extends to his own health. Beyond his use of Vicodin, he has frequently used himself as a guinea pig for drugs and medical tests. Some of these tests are aimed at curing his leg pain, while others are to help his patients or satisfy his own curiosity. This disregard for his own well-being horrifies Wilson and Cuddy, who see it as an expression of his self-destructive impulses.

House's self-experiments include:

Injecting himself with nitroglycerin to cause a migraine headache, in order to prove a rival's migraine cure was flawed, though Wilson interpreted it as House's way to forget about Stacy. He later used LSD to offset the migraine and antidepressants to nullify the LSD's more potent effects (Distractions).

He was tempted to graft the pain-free spinal nerves of a teenaged CIPA patient onto his leg, but later decided against it as there was no medical justification to biopsy the nerve tissue needed and the procedure could have left the young CIPA patient paralysed. (Insensitive).

Faking brain cancer to enter a clinical trial where a drug-dispensing chip would be installed into the pleasure center of his brain. This effort was derailed when his team uncovered his deception (Half-Wit).

Sticking a knife into an electrical socket to see what would happen if he was temporarily dead. Later in the episode, he asks to talk to the clinic patient who performed the same stunt earlier in the episode, but learns from Wilson that he died. Wilson asks House if he saw something, but House doesn't respond. At the end of the episode, he says "I told you so" to a dead patient who argued with House that his suffering would soon be over and he would be in heaven. (97 Seconds).

Injecting himself with blood from the same batch as a sick patient to test if a blood transfusion caused his symptoms (You Don't Want To Know).

Undergoing hypnosis and overdosing on the Alzheimer's medication physostigmine to unlock memories lost after a bus crash. The latter of the two put House into cardiac arrest (House's Head).

Deep brain stimulation with an electrical prod to complete the missing memories. The electrical current caused a seizure, which combined with House's fractured skull to create a bleed in his brain and send him into a coma. He awoke from the coma at the end of the episode, but any damage has yet to be revealed (Wilson's Heart).

He experiments with Methadone in the episode The Softer Side and becomes a nicer person. Cuddy and Wilson go to confront him on why he is acting nice, but they find him in his office, not breathing. They manage to resuscitate him in time. It is later revealed that the Methadone caused this. He then was going to quit his job because Cuddy wouldn't allow him to take Methadone, as she was worried that he was going to kill himself taking it. At the end of the episode, he decides he doesn't want to be on Methadone anymore, reasoning he couldn't do his job right because he was pain free, and therefore nicer and more oblivious to tiny details.

Putting himself into insulin shock in an attempt to get rid of his hallucinations (Under My Skin).

Abusing an experimental drug compound for rats meant to regrow muscle. It was dangerous as it was never tested on humans. House later finds out from the scientist who developed the compound that the rats grew tumors and started to die. He attempted to remove the benign tumors from his leg surgically by himself, as he didn't trust the other surgeons to do it, beliving they would attempt to amputate his leg. After he fails to remove the tumors himself (as the anaesthetics wear off, causing him extreme pain), Cuddy takes him to have the tumors removed by surgeons. House keeps his leg.

House isn't the only one who does experiments on himself. In the episode "No Reason", House hallucinates that Cuddy gives him ketamine to reboot his nerve connections. Near the end of the episode, House comes to, and tells Cameron to tell Cuddy to give him ketamine. Another example is in the episode "Resignation" when Wilson slips House anti-depression medication. House responds by putting amphetamines in Wilson's coffee.

Equipped with a dry and acerbic sense of humor, House is enigmatic and conceals many facets of his personality with a veneer of sarcasm. He appears and sometimes himself claims to be narcissistic (although he also shows many signs of self-contempt which would be impossible for an actual narcissist) and appears to have a disdain for most people, leading some to label him "a misanthrope." He has contempt for most societal institutions, including feminism and religion. House is an atheist and it is implied that he is nihilistic. These traits make him something of a byronic hero. Despite his cynicism, he does seem to care about his colleagues to a certain extent and while considering them "idiots" is able to sometimes put aside his pride and apologize when he has offended them in a particularly sardonic fashion. House uses his flippancy to conceal his affection toward his colleagues, and denies it to the extent that he himself sometimes forgets it. House is a total maverick and has stated that he frequents prostitutes. In one episode, his best friend Dr. Wilson states that House could have Asperger's Syndrome, but later tells House that he only wishes he had Asperger's so he could get away with more in life. Wilson has also told House that his obsession with solving cases has nothing to do with saving lives but that while "some doctors have a Messianic complex, House has a Rubik's complex", that is to say, he's more concerned with figuring out what is wrong with his patients than he is with saving their lives. The latter he does simply because it's his job. This is shown when he sometimes tries to diagnose patients after they're dead, such as in the episode "97 Seconds".

Occasionally, House can display the same sort of hypocrisy he decries in others, such as his derision for Cuddy when she had the naming ceremony for her daughter. A particularly egregious example would be his acquisition of a handgun after being shot by Moriarty, while stating to Masters that the Second Amendment is the part of the Constitution which says that people have the right to be stupid. He also apparently has inherited John House's service automatic and Mameluke sword. , Euphoria (Part 1), Last Temptation, Perils of Paranoia

Although House has had a number of co-workers, employers, lovers, and acquaintances during his life, it appears that he has only had seven real relationships during his life. This is primarily because House's personality is most likely a deliberate attempt to alienate those who want to get to know him better. The seven people who have been able to overcome his defensiveness have found a person worth salvaging, or even cherishing.

See also Hilson
Wilson is House's best and only friend. Like just about everyone else, Wilson admires House for his considerable medical skills. However, he probably cares more for House as a human being. Wilson has noted that this has led to a co-dependent relationship, with Wilson acting as an enabler. For example, Wilson has kept House well-supplied with Vicodin and often makes excuses for his behavior to get House out of trouble. For those who know both of them, they realize that Wilson will drop everything when House needs him. When Stacy (House's ex-girlfriend) eventually left House, it was Wilson who kept him going. As a result, Wilson is very protective of House. However, Wilson is no pushover; he often challenges House over his behavior and is not above tricking him to show House that although he might be right about almost everything, that skill doesn't apply to his own behavior. In one episode, House pretends to be gay to get the attention of a neighbor and Wilson even proposes to House.

See also - Housy
House's ex-girlfriend and possibly the only woman House has ever shown outward emotion for. Although their relationship broke up over House's anger about his disability, it's clear that they are physically, emotionally, and intellectually attracted to each other. Unlike most people, Stacy can see right through House's defensiveness and can often see through his attempts to manipulate her. Most of House's fear of relationships can probably be tracked back to the pain he felt when Stacy walked out of his life.

House's father was a strict disciplinarian, but although his punishments were severe, they were never arbitrary or fueled by anger. As a Marine, John probably felt his son would respond well to the same sort of discipline that made him the man he is. Instead, House became the antithesis of his father. Where John is compulsively neat, House dresses like a slob. The father is punctual while the son is constantly late. Where John is straightforward, his son is manipulative. However, although House clearly wants nothing more to do with his father, it is just as clear that his father wants to have a relationship with his son and share the important things in his life.

From the way House treats women, one might expect that his relationship with his mother was troubled. However, House's mother loves him unconditionally, and the reverse is true as well. It was probably this unconditional love that led House to pursue his dreams. However, House realizes that he is a disappointment to his mother because the thing that his mother wants the most is for him to be happy, and he seems incapable of being anything other than miserable. His wish to avoid his father has the unfortunate fallout of taking him away from his mother as well.

Main article - Huddy House and Cuddy met twenty five years ago at the University of Michigan. For years at PPTH, they seemed to deny this attraction, and each appeared to take active steps to discourage it - House pressing Cuddy's failure to keep active as a doctor and her strict adherence to medical protocol, and Cuddy emphasizing House's lack of work ethic and reliability. However, in the Season 6 Finale "Help Me", Cuddy tells House that she loves him while standing in his bathroom. Thinking it is another hallucination, House checks to make sure that he did not take the Vicodin. He had not, and it was true that Cuddy had ended her engagement because of her feelings for House. However, House was unable to face the prospect of losing Cuddy to cancer without resorting to Vicodin, and when Cuddy realized his inability to cope without drugs, she ended their relationship. House was fundamentally incapable of dealing with this rejection, culminating in him deliberately destroying the remains of their relationship by driving his car through her front wall.

More insights into House's view of relationships were obtained in the episode Mirror Mirror. When House was with the mirror patient, Thirteen was in the room with them. The patient chose to mirror House. At first, the patient started to make comments about how good-looking Thirteen was, then he started to express regret about how it was impossible for him to do anything about it. It appears from this that House would like to have relationships with some of the women he works with, like Lisa Cuddy and Allison Cameron, but knows that pursuing such a relationship would be inappropriate and near impossible.

House marries Dominika in season 7, following his break-up with Cuddy. However, this is just a sham, so that Dominika could get a green card. In season 8, they start living together to prove to the INS that they are a legitimate couple. In We Need the Eggs, it seems that House has started to develop feelings towards Dominika. House's dysfunctionality is further exhibited when Dominika discovers House has been keeping the news of her citizenship from her, leading to her distrust of him and causing her to angrily move out. However, during House's euology in the series finale, Dominika claimed that he "was her husband for real" stating that she couldn't help but love him despite what he did.

Main Article- Hameron

When questioned initially, House told Cameron that he hired her for her looks. However, he expanded on that by admitting that he surmised that because she was so good looking, she could have coasted into any sort of life and instead must have chosen to dedicate her life to medicine.

Cameron expressed a romantic interest in House on several occasions, and they dated once (the one date was Cameron's condition for coming back to work). House has been apparently uninterested in pursuing a relationship - he told Cameron she tends to form relationships with people who need "fixing", and that it is his damaged personality that in fact draws her to him. House, however, betrays more than a passing interest in Cameron to Wilson in the episode Role Model when he reacts perceptibly to Wilson's comment about 'hitting on' Cameron. Although Cameron has stated that she is "over" House, neither her colleagues (nor Wilson or Cuddy) believe her. Both characters retain an ambiguous interest in the other. In No Reason, House repeatedly fantasizes about Cameron, first for her abiding concern for his injury and later as he caresses her with a surgical robot. For her part Cameron lets slip to a documentary team in Ugly that she loves House and later we see her trying to convince herself that it was an innocent remark. Cameron and House share a passionate kiss in Half Wit, but it is soon revealed that she only does so to try and draw his blood.

After Chase is fired and Foreman leaves in Human Error, Cameron hands her resignation to House, ostensibly because she has learned all she can from him.

Since leaving House's team, Cameron has been far more authoritative with House, bringing him cases and pointing out how his quick diagnoses have been wrong. However, it appears she may be getting more authority over House, primarily due to her excellent administrative skills, honed by years of doing House's dictation and keeping up his charts.

House prefers to be addressed as "House" by everyone and is rarely addressed as "Greg". The only people he doesn't object to addressing him as "Greg" are Stacy Warner and his parents. He usually takes being addressed as "Greg" as a sign that the individual is being overly familiar and he often goes out of his way to hint that it takes more than calling him by his first name to strike up a friendship with him. Dr. Marty Hamilton tried to get on House's good side by addressing him as "Greg" in DNR only to have House pause and carefully emphasize "Marty" in return. Wilson has also referred to House as "Greg". One example of this is in " Joy to the World" where a gift he gave to House has a note that reads: "Greg, made me think of you." He also signs off as Greg in a book that he presents to Cuddy in the Season 6 finale, Help Me.

Main page: Gregory House and Sherlock Holmes connections

House lives in apartment 221B on Baker Street (according to Two Stories). This is similar to 221B Baker Street as seen in Holmes.

House's friend is Doctor James Wilson; Holmes' is Doctor John Watson.
The name "Watson" was changed into "Wilson" in the novel Arsene Lupin contre Herlock Sholmès.

"House" is a synonym of "Home", which is a homophone of "Holmes"

Both have drug issues - House with Vicodin, Holmes with cocaine, morphine and tobacco.

House calls all his associates by their last names, the same with Holmes calling John Watson by his last name.

Can deduce and diagnose a great deal just from looking at a person, as can Holmes.

Both play musical instruments - House electric guitar and piano, Holmes the violin - often to relax and think.

The surname "Adler" used both for the female patient in the pilot, and for the female patient House supposedly fell for according to Wilson in "Joy to the World" (5.11) (Turns out Wilson is just yanking the chain of House's team). "Adler" is also the surname of The Woman, the female criminal who escaped Sherlock Holmes.

Holmes' famous axiom, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth" explains deductive reasoning - a Differential Diagnosis (DDX) follows the same logic.

House is shot by Jack Moriarty - Holmes' arch-enemy is Professor Moriarty.

House is the only main character who has appeared in every episode of the series.

Cuddy sets aside $50,000 every year for legal expenses caused by House.

An average of 40% of all the legal cases PPTH faces in a year are the result of House.

On average, House visits the HR department 2 times every day.

He doesn't like pickles.

Ironically, he seems to have made a hobby of collecting a variety of running shoes. This was an idea proposed by Hugh Laurie during House's costume development, as he felt "a man with a cane needs functional shoes" - House's original costume only featured worn-out socks.

He is often seen using portable gaming consoles, starting out with a Game Boy Advance SP early in Season 1, and a Nintendo DS later in the season. For most of the show's run he uses a PlayStation Portable, and finally a PlayStation Vita in mid-late Season 8.

House's blood type is AB, as seen in season 4 episode 8.

Watches the O.C.

Hates wearing a tie.

House has drugged Wilson on at least four separate occasions; the first with sedatives to prevent him from giving a career-ruining speech, the second with Speed in an act of petty vindication and the third with sedatives again during a dinner with Cuddy and her mother simply because he (House) thought Wilson would be the worse company, and the fourth in order to make Wilson experience a bit of death to convince him to get chemotherapy.

Abusive Father: Ice baths, Denied Food as Punishment if he was ever even the tiniest bit late for a meal, and being made to sleep outside in the yard when he was a child. House loves his mother, but she either didn't accompany House and his father when he was stationed at various military bases or didn't notice the abuse. House concludes that his mother hated his father, too, when he proves that his dad wasn't his dad. Given the nature of this sort of family dynamic, it's very likely she was a victim, too.

Agent Scully: He stubbornly refuses to accept any explanation involving magic/angels/misc supernatural.

Anti-Hero: He has good intentions (most of the time) but he is not a nice man.

Arson, Murder, and Lifesaving: In that order, less prominent in Season 1. The only reason Cuddy hasn't fired him already.

Blasphemous Boast: "In this temple, I am Dr. Yahweh."

Blatant Lies: The most obvious: "I never lie."

Break the Haughty: A lot of times; Tritter saw it as his purpose to break his pride and make him apologize.

Brilliant but Lazy: House is shown to excel at almost everything he puts his mind to. Nonetheless, he will jump through all kinds of hoops to get out of clinic duty, and he was assigned interns to keep him from spending all his time watching Soap Operas. He can often be found doing random things in his office (or Wilson's office, or Cuddy's office...), ranging from playing with a Zen garden to constructing a Rube Goldberg machine to practicing yo-yo tricks. He claims in one episode that isolating himself "helps his process." Whether this or the above is true, or perhaps a mix of the two, is anyone's guess.

Broken Ace: A brilliant doctor with a shitty past and major dysfunctions.

Brutal Honesty: This gem from the pilot is common: "I'm the doctor who's trying to save your son; you're the mom who's letting him die. Clarity, it's a beautiful thing."

Bunny-Ears Lawyer: A true example of the 'cost/benefit' part of the trope: he's so good at what he does, Cuddy earmarks part of the hospital's budget to pay for the inevitable legal fees (granted, he always comes under-budget, so it's either a large budget or the legal issues occur less frequently than thought of). It's also made clear on multiple occasions that House's department is a huge money sink, and that House's antics are pretty destructive to hospital morale and overall functionality. Essentially, were his boss anyone other than Dr. Cuddy, House would have been tossed out years ago.

Casual Danger Dialogue: House's typical non-reaction of "cool" or "interesting" when a patient's face melts or some such.

Catch Phrase:

"Everyone lies."

"It's not lupus."

"You're/He's/She's an idiot!"

"Interesting..."

"People don't change."

Character Title: The series is named after him.

Composite Character: In addition to being an Expy of Sherlock Holmes, as noted below, his character clearly takes some influence from John Watson as well (even with Wilson being written as an Expy of Watson). He combines Holmes' drug use, deductive skills and antisocial tendencies with Watson's profession as a medical doctor, as well as Watson's limp.

Consummate Liar: He's good at it, sure, but it plays into his Catch Phrase "Everyone lies" and they do.

Custom Uniform: He very rarely wears the white lab coat that all the other doctors are required to wear. In fact, if you do see House in a lab coat, he's probably up to something.

Cynical Mentor: He has taken on this role in several episodes in addition to being a Manipulative Bastard.

Deadpan Snarker: Biting scorn or petty sarcasm at everyone, especially patients.

Dead Person Conversation: Has repeated hallucinations of Amber and Kutner.

Determinator: When he wants to prove that he's right, nothing can stop him.

Disability as an Excuse for Jerkassery: Sometimes he uses his injured leg to do this, though he was a Jerkass before then.

Don't You Dare Pity Me!: Whether it's about his emotional state, pride or his limp, he'll chew you out for showing sympathy.

Driven to Suicide: In "Merry Little Christmas" (fails) and the series finale (decides against it).

Dr. Jerk: He provides the page image. He acknowledges it too: "I'm a doctor you'd never send a gift to." He's got such a reputation for this that his Genre Savvy boss set aside a generous budget for legal expenses when she hired him.

Eureka Moment: How House solves almost all the medical mysteries, to the point that he's become Genre Savvy about them and occasionally tries to induce them..

Evil Laugh: He breaks out an impressive one when he has The Team cured a brain dead woman so they could use her heart for a transplant.

Expy: Of Sherlock Holmes because he's a brilliant (medical) detective that regularly takes drugs and only takes up cases that he finds interesting. Both characters also only have one friend who stands by them always.

Faking the Dead: In the series finale, he switches his dental records with those of a former patient who was dying anyway, leading to the patient's body being identified as his own in the wreckage of a burned-down building. He ends the show legally dead; only Wilson and Foreman know he's still alive.

Flanderization: Interestingly, the only Doctor on the show who became crazier as the show went on, suggesting worsening depression and drug addiction. In the first season, House at least tried to hide (however feebly) his rudeness from patients, and went to bat for them if the hospital tried to deny him/her care. Late-season House made it plain that that the patient is irrelevant; all he cares about is the puzzle. There is also a noticeable shift in ideology; a belief that human beings are all shallow narcissists and that kindness springs from cowardice became a moral principle instead of a cynical observation.

Freudian Excuse:

Subverted. People think his cranky attitude is because of his leg, but Stacy and Wilson confirm that he was just as much an ass before he got his leg injury.

His father was abusive when he was young, but this rarely comes up.

Functional Addict: He's functional most of the time. When he losses access to vicodin, the result is ugly.

Genius Cripple: The brilliant head of the diagnosis department has a limp.

Genius Level intellect: Houses' complete mastery of diagnostic medicine is at a science fiction level. He frequently solves cases that no one could ever solve, not even with his own team working together. House's mother Blythe once told her new husband Thomas Bell that "He's one of the most well-respected doctors in the world. He's saved more lives than you can count"

Good Is Not Nice: Ultimately, he means well and will go extremely far to save his patients, but he doesn't do it in a nice way.

Has a Type: House definitely goes for brunettes. Cameron, Stacy, Cuddy, Paula the hooker from season two, and Dominika from season seven - all are brunettes. Incidentally, whatever he may or may not have felt for the blonde Amber, the most notable instance of a blonde being interested in House, assuming we discount the post-season three Cameron, turned out to be the result of a fungal infection in her brain.

Heroic BSOD:

Suffering bad ones after Kutner's death, the first hallucination of Amber, Amber's return in the restaurant, learning that he'll be in prison for Wilson's 5 remaining months alive, and Amber and Kutner appearing in the season finale.

Both Kutner and Amber appear in hallucinations in the series finale...as do Cameron and Stacy.

Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Wilson. In the second and third seasons, the writers make light of the shipping.

Stacy: What are you hiding?

House: I'm gay. (Stacy glares at him) Oh! That's not what you meant. It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers...

Hollywood Atheist: Is sardonically critical of any expression of religious belief, although in some of his more reflective moments, he takes a much less confrontational view, explaining that in the absence of definitive proof one way or another, a belief is ultimately a choice between what gives more comfort.

Hookers and Blow: Hookers and Vicodin, to be exact.

Hypocrite: He openly mocks religious patients for finding comfort in superstition, but privately admits that the evidence for/against God could point either way and his own atheism is partly because he finds it more comforting.

Icy Blue Eyes: The "piercing stare" variety.

I Did What I Had to Do: How he justifies his illegal/immoral behavior towards patients; it saved their life didn't it?

I Let Gwen Stacy Die: At the end of Season 4, Amber Volakis died in a bus crash that House was also in when she came to take him home after he went out drinking. Later, when Kutner committed suicide in Season 5, House started to have hallucinations of Amber from the combination of his Vicodin intake and his guilt. At the end of Season 5, House also hallucinates Kutner: he felt guilt for his death and tried to convince himself he was murdered, since suicide meant he never saw what was wrong with him. Afterwards, he checked himself into a psychiatric hospital.

Insufferable Genius: House is usually right, and he'll make sure you know it.

Jerkass: Obnoxious to an almost religious degree, devoting his life to proving that kindness is rooted in selfishness and fear. He usually gets away with it because he's the patient's only chance of survival, although the show does put a strain on your Willing Suspension Of Dis Belief in its realism, as a House who actually did suffer the consequences of his behaviour would make the show's premise impossible.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: In the end, House's patients' lives are his top priority, despite his very rough personality.

Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: He threatens to get into this during his Pet the Dog moments, particularly when he was diagnosed with cancer and still insisted on focusing on the patient. As always, it turned out he was just a Jerk With The Heart Of An Even Bigger Jerk than we had assumed - he faked having cancer so he could get his hands on the prescription drugs, although to be fair, his team only "found out" he was sick by snooping around behind his back.

Karma Houdini: A downplayed case in that he does get compuance for his nastiness but not the maximum upset-the-status-quo kind. The man can't go an episode without doing something that would cause any normal doctor to get arrested and / or his medical license revoked yet he continues practicing medicine. He has also been physically assaulted by patients, their relatives, and even his own fellows, and once he was even shot in his office.

Lack of Empathy: Averted as he's fully capable of empathy. In emotional or sad moments, and almost always private ones, he'll display that capacity. He just likes to give the impression that he's an outright asshole.

Last Name Basis: Is Simply House To Everyone None of the hospital staff call him Greg, not even Wilson. Only his mother and ex-girlfriend address him by his first name Greg .

The Leader: Of the Department of Diagnostic Medicine. Type Headstrong in that he bullies and goads his way to an objective.

Made of Iron: Considering his addictions, all the experiments he performs on himself and the sheer amount of accidents he's been in (notably the bus crash at the end of season 4), it's a wonder he isn't dead yet.

Mad Scientist: One time, Cuddy even referred to him as 'playing mad scientist'.

Manipulative Bastard: To both his friends and his patients; either because it amused him or to find out some secret they're supposedly hiding.

Mean Boss: If you ever work with him and you have something to make fun of, he will make fun of it. He makes race jokes to Foreman, class jokes to Chase, ridicules Cameron's compassion, makes fun of Adams' rich guilt, Park's social awkwardness, Thirteen's bisexuality, and Taub's inability to keep a relationship together.

Mean Character, Nice Actor: Hugh Laurie is a very humble man, who admits he gets worried about the risk of letting the fame go to his head. It seems that he's doing a fairly good job of keeping his feet planted firmly upon Terra Firma.

Meaningful Name : His first name isn't used often, but Gregory means "watchful." House is a sharp, keen observer.

Military Brat: Dragged around military bases by his soldier father who abused him.

Mistaken for Gay: Along with Wilson. In "The Down Low", he pretends he and Wilson are a couple as part of an insanely convoluted plan to sleep with the woman Wilson likes, and keep him from sleeping with her at the same time.

Narcissist: Gregory House is a Jerk Ass (heart of gold notwithstanding) whose only friendship is constantly in danger because of his attempts to exploit it. He also is constantly manipulative of everyone around him, often just for his own amusement. This has not escaped the notice of any of the main cast.

Never Be Hurt Again: His relationship with Stacy sent him into one period of emotional disengagement. Then after his relationship with Cuddy goes bad he refuses the affections of his green-card wife, apparently out of fear that sex with anyone who likes him (rather than hookers) might lead to attachment which will hurt him again. If you showed him this page on TV Tropes and said that it applied to him, he'd probably call you a moron for thinking it... and then go home and play his piano, while drinking scotch, alone.

The Nicknamer: A Jerkass version of this trope. He comes up with new, insulting nicknames for everyone every time he sees them. Only one sticks: "Thirteen" for Dr. Remy Hadley. Although black Mormon "Big Love" and Cutthroat Bitch both had pretty good runs. House not calling Amber Cutthroat Bitch even makes for at least two distinct OOC Is Serious Business moments.

Noble Bigot: He's bigoted toward everyone but he will do whatever it takes to save their life from whatever disease is killing them. Four or more ethnic subtypes have worked for him and he mocks them equally. It's lampshaded in one episode after he fails to ruffle Cameron's feathers; she tells him that he's "a misanthrope, not a misogynist." Other times he makes racist and sexist comments because he likes to annoy people.

Oh, Crap: Several, the big ones being identifying Amber as the bus crash victim and realizing she's as good as dead in "Wilson's Heart", and Amber and Kutner appearing as hallucinations in late Season 5.

The Only One: Other characters have made final diagnoses before he has only a few times in the show's history.

Overly Narrow Superlative: "I'm almost always eventually right".

Perma Stubble: House always looks disheveled, a combination of his disability and his personality. The stubble is lampshaded in several episodes. One of these has House actually giving himself a clean shave; the result is so jarring that he looks like a stranger, highlighting how much the stubble is associated with his character. On another occasion Dr. Wilson tells him, "I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts ever since I told you you looked good unshaved a year ago

Perpetual Frowner; He rarely smiles.

Pet the Dog: Plenty, with the golden example being the series finale, wherein House deliberately destroys his own medical career in order to be with Wilson, who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, during his last five months to live.

Phrase Catcher: "You're an ass!"

Puppy-Dog Eyes: He isn't exactly adverse to looking like a kicked puppy when someone hurts him in one of his weak spots, either. His initial reaction to his cane snapping in half in "Safe" and his emotional moments with Stacy are good examples.

Really Gets Around: Hookers are one of his favorite pastimes.

Sad Clown: He constantly makes jokes, and enjoys childish pranks. However, he's a deeply depressed man who rarely laughs at anything.

Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: Of a sort. For anyone else, accepting a vintage 1965 Corvette from a known member of the New Jersey mob, as House did in season one, would be an invitation to ethical conflict, and an incitement to break all sorts of rules. For House, it was an invitation to Tuesday, and an incitement to do exactly what he does without being bribed. Ironically, apart from the car, his conduct on that case was more ethical than some of the things he would do in later seasons.

Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right: How Cameron sees him, anyway. While this evaluation is presumably due in part to her love for him, there are also a number of hints that the two of them are Not So Different, so she may be onto something.

Screwy Squirrel: Has been known to ruin people's lives for no reason other than that he found them annoying. The fact that the majority of his victims wouldn't be alive were if not for him is the only thing saving him from complete Jerkassery.

Self-Deprecation: He has huge issues of self-worth but it's rare that bystanders notice because he's also an Insufferable Genius.

Sherlock Homage: A rare example who is doctor hunting diseases instead of a detective hunting criminals.

Sherlock Scan: He's been known to deduce a stranger's illnesses after just one glance.

Slap-Slap-Kiss: With Lisa Cuddy: "I try to make you miserable. You deny that it's making you miserable. You try to make me miserable so I'll stop making you miserable." How romantic... And let us not forget the ending of the episode "Joy" in season 5, where they actually do kiss after the slap slap. Season 6 seems to be heading for deconstructing this trope.

Sleeping with the Boss: Winds up having sex with Cuddy, the hospital administrator and his immediate supervisor, after she comes over to his house to help him kick his Vicodin addiction. Except their encounter that night never actually happened-it was all a Vicodin-induced hallucination on House's part.

The Snark Knight: If House weren't a genius diagnostician, he'd fall into Loners Are Freaks territory.

Sociopathic Hero: He does, very deep down, want to cure the people he treats but only if their case is interesting and only if he can go to illegal lengths to make sure.

The Spock: The hyper-rational and scientifically-minded one who is an emotionally stunted and impatient Dr. Jerk.

Tall, Dark and Snarky: Almost all women in the show want him at some point. He can't bear idiots. He's got the nice, cheerful friend too, in Dr. Wilson, who tries to teach him humanity and caring.

Team Dad: With Wilson and/or Cuddy as the Team Mom. Wilson and Cuddy also often act strikingly like they're House's parents.

House (calling Wilson on the phone): Hi, honey. How are the kids?

Troubled, but Cute: Both in-universe women seem to adore him unless he does show his Dr. Jerk tendencies. He has lots of emotional baggage from his past relationships, abusive father, and his chronic pain in leg. He is played by Hugh Laurie who is Tall, Dark and Handsome with deep blue eyes and sense of humour.

Token Evil Teammate: He is a Sociopathic Hero, after all. None of his minions in the Department of Diagnostic Medicine are this bad.

Ultimate Job Security: He says that Cuddy will never fire him, no matter what he does, because they had a fling pre-series.

Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Inadvertently causes Amber's death in the Season 4 finale. He called Wilson asking for a ride home, Amber saw the number and went to meet him, they went home on a bus which ended up in a horrific crash. Amber died from a combination of her injuries and the flu meds she was taking.

Vitriolic Best Buds: With Wilson. Greg House, Dr. Jerk to the extreme, is the only person allowed to openly mock James Wilson's serial marriages and chronic neediness. They'd fall into the first category, except then you realize that Wilson's no doormat and snipes right back at House.

What the Hell, Hero?: He's called out on his actions by everyone. Often it's Wilson because he's The Conscience.

With Friends Like These...: With the entire hospital but especially Wilson. The Ho Yay crowd will claim this is actually The Masochism Tango at work. The dynamics go thusly: "House is a jerk, his team puts up with him because he's da boss, and Cuddy just doesn't seem to have a backbone." Then there's Wilson, the mousy-looking Nice Guy cancer doctor, to whom House is an unrepentant bully: stealing his food, interrupting his meetings with outrageous claims, pulling pranks on him. Then comes an episode where Wilson says, proudly, that House is his best friend. * beat* LOL, WUT? (It is worth pointing out that unlike the other characters Dr. Wilson gives as good as he gets, and it's heavily implied that they both enjoy their pranks a lot and it's the rest of the world that just doesn't get them.)

Yank the Dog's Chain: In "Both Sides Now", the Season 5 finale, House seems to get control of his Heroic BSOD... At which point Amber comes out and congratulates him. The look of absolute horror on his face tells you all you need to know.

You Are What You Hate: House harbors a simmering rage at stupid doctors and clueless patients. He's both; when doctors misdiagnosed his clot, House insisted on waiting it out instead of amputation. He ended up with 1½ legs and double the pain.

Courtesy of tvtropes.org.

Mid 30s Man - The case history of the incident that led to House's disability in the episode Three Stories

House (Broken) - A case history of House's experiences in Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital

UK Doctor House Official Broadcaster

This article is also available in Spanish at es.dr-house.wikia [4]

This article was the featured article for April 2010

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Gregory House, M.D., (almost universally referred to as House and rarely as Greg) is the main character and protagonist of the House series. He is portrayed by British actor Hugh Laurie, who is noted for his mastery of faking an American accent. TVOverMind.com picked House as their top TV Character of the decade [1].

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Everything you need to know about team.

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Characters, Cast: House, Wilson, Cuddy, Foreman, Cameron, Chase

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The characters of TV show House (or House M.D.): Gregory House, James Wilson, Lisa Cuddy, Eric Foreman, Allison Cameron, Robert Chase.

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"How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?" - Sherlock Holmes in "The Sign of the Four" Gregory House,...

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maybe House will?

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I acknowledge that the volume of the music may be too high, and I am sorry for that. Please kindly watch with subtitles on :) I'll bear in mind when I have the chance to make another video. Thank you for all your comments. "People don't change. They may want to.

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House MD || Everybody Lies (Gregory House)

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Best viewed in 720p* *Contains SPOILERS for House seasons 1 to 8* *Music - Sunshine by John Murphy* Re-upload from my old account. One of the greatest medical dramas ever created. These are probably my fav scenes from the entire show. Hope you enjoy! :) No copyright infringement intended.

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Originally Aired: September 21, 2009

Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner, David Foster & David Shore
Directed by: Katie Jacobs

Transcribed by: Jane ( poeia)

DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.
[Open on a House's face. His eyes are closed. The picture is not quite in color, but it's not black and white either. Radiohead's "No Surprises" plays.]

[House opens his eyes. He's lying on a twin bed on the left side of a cell-like room at Mayfield. He's wearing a gray t-shirt. There is a stainless steel basin on the tiled floor near his head. On the opposite wall there is a single window. Next to it a metal sink is bolted into the wall. Another stainless basin is on the floor below the sink.]

[Quick cuts:]
- A metal toilet past the sink.
- House lying stretched out on the bed.
- House's right eye as he turns his head slightly toward the window.
- The IV pole and the windowed door to the room beyond it. A woman is watching him. She leaves.
- House's right eye again.
- House's hand clutching his leg through the sheet. He raises his arm along the wall, making a fist. He has a hospital ID bracelet on his wrist.
- House's face, a little blurry.
- House lying in the bed, gripping his thigh. He brings his left hand over to grab it as well.
- A nurse is in the room. The door is open and she's doing something with the IV.
- Close up of his left eye. His face looks very haggard.
- House on his left side. He brings his right hand up to the left and lies curled in the fetal position.
♪♫ A heart that's full up like a landfill,
- House is in the hallway, getting his meds. He takes a single pill out of the paper cup and looks at it. He looks around at all the other patients milling about.
♪♫ A job that slowly kills you,
- A red light over a doorway.
- He turns back and sees the dispensing nurse watching him, impatiently.
♪♫ Bruises that won't heal.
- He tosses his head back as he dry swallows the pill.
- He switches his cane to his right hand. An aid touches his back, steering him to his room. He's wearing a robe and his legs are bare.
- A nurse wetting a washcloth in the basin by his bed.
♪♫ You look so tired, unhappy,
- She washes the vomit off his face.
- She leaves, wheeling out a portable blood pressure machine.
- House, in a gray t-shirt again, writhes in the bed.
♪♫ Bring down the government,
- House, wearing a hoodie, empties the contents of his pill cup into his hand. It's half a pill.
- He stares at it, stares at the nurse and takes the pill.
♪♫ They don't,
- He balls up the empty cup and tosses it past Nurse Valdez, who flinches.
♪♫ They don't speak for us.
- House, wearing a dark t-shirt, toss restlessly, seen through the window in the door.
- In the room, House twists and turns, gripping his leg.
♪♫ I'll take a quiet life,
- House sits up with difficulty, still gripping his right thigh. He lowers his left leg to the floor. He shoves the sheet off him. This is partly shot in the room and partly through the window.
♪♫ A handshake of carbon monoxide,
- He struggles to his feet, pushing off the bed.
- He holds onto the bed, hopping sideways, until he can reach the door.
- He shakes the door.
♪♫ With no alarms and no surprises,

House: [shouting through the door] Help! [He bangs on the door a few times.] Help me!

♪♫ No alarms and no surprises,
- He punches the door a few more times.
♪♫ No alarms and no surprises,
- He's back on the bed. He looks at his wrists, which are restrained.
- So are his legs. They put a patient going through opioid withdrawal in 4-point restraints in a locked room. His left leg shakes a little.
♪♫ Silent.
- House pulls against the restraints for a moment then relaxes, exhausted. The mattress between his legs is wet.

[Cut to House opening his eyes. The color has returned to normal. Everything is quiet. He isn't restrained any longer. He touches his thigh briefly then sits up. He limps to the window, holding his leg for support.]

[Cut to a suitcase dropping on the bed. House packs his clothes and zips the valise.]

[Cut to House walking down the hall with his cane in his right hand and his suitcase in his left. He switches the case to his right so he can swipe a knit cap off a patient in a wheelchair.]

[Cut to House, wearing the cap, at the nurses' station.]

House: Dry heaves are gone, so am I.

Valdez: I'll check with the doctor.

House: No, no, no, no. I'm here voluntarily. Just got to check with me.

Valdez: I'm sorry. Dr. Nolan left specific instructions.

[Cut to Dr. Darryl Nolan's office. He's talking to Dr. Beasley.]

Nolan: She's not sick. She's scared. So tell her to tell -

House: [from the doorway] Wow. [They both look up.] And he's black. I thought you'd be a little more sensitive on the slavery issue.

[Nolan sits quietly for a moment then he smiles and nods at Beasley. She gets up and leaves.]

House: Can't keep me.

Nolan: Dr. House, you look a lot better.

House: I am a lot better. No painkillers. No hallucinations. Leg hurts, but it's manageable. Great job. Gonna miss you. Want to start missing you as soon as possible.

Nolan: Well, legally, you're free to go whenever you want, but I suggest you stay.

House: I'll take it under advisement.

Nolan: If you thought the hallucinations were from your Vicodin problem, why didn't you just check yourself into a rehab facility?

House: I was deluded into thinking I might be crazy.

Nolan: But you had been abusing Vicodin for years. Never had delusions. Never had trouble sleeping. Never had any problems other than narcissism and antisocial behavior, until two colleagues died. Your father died. Your issues run deeper than Vicodin.

House: Well, that's not gonna cheer me up, is it?

Nolan: You need to be transferred to our long-term ward, started on medication, talk therapy -

House: Yeah, I get it. Uh, just one thing I'm getting hung up on. I can leave whenever I want. How 'bout I start with that? [He heads for the door.]

Nolan: You can't go back to practicing medicine.

House: [turning slowly] I don't want to practice medicine. I've decided I want to be an astronaut.

Nolan: Well, if you want your state astronaut's license, you're gonna need my recommendation.

House: Is that a popular new treatment - blackmail?

Nolan: You need to get better.

[Cut to an orderly unlocking a door for House.]

Orderly: Welcome to Ward Six.

[He leaves. House looks around. Hal and Richter are playing ping-pong without a net or paddles. Susan and Diane are sitting at a table. A staff member is standing next to them. Various other patients mill around. They all turn to look at him.]

[Cut to the office area. House sits in front of Beasley's desk.]

House: So, brass tacks... What do I have to do, and how long do I have to be here?

Beasley: Depends on you. Process is pretty basic. If you follow the schedule, agree to take meds, participate in group and individual therapy, we can work on goals -

House: I set a goal.

Beasley: Excellent. What is it?

House: My goal is to get your boss to write the letter that I want him to write. Now let's talk process. I can smile through gritted teeth and play nice, but there are serious risks of violence involved in that choice so I'm going with turning this ward upside down, making you and your boss' job and life so unmanageable that he'll write whatever he has to write to get rid of me.

[Nurse Safer hand Beasley a blue file.]

Safer: He's all set.

Beasley: Thanks.

[House smiles at her, slightly ferociously. She smiles back.]

[Cut to a room with two beds and a double nightstand between them. The window is barred. House enters and looks around. He pokes the bed on the right with his cane and drops his suitcase on it. As he starts unpacking, he hears a voice in the hallway.]

Alvie: Ow. I've never been in the end unit before. [getting closer] Yo, I don't need an escort. Get off me. [He enters and drops his duffle on the other bed. He's a human perpetual motion machine.] Who are you? You believe these guys? Lecturing me on manic depression, like I couldn't write a book or two. I stop taking my meds because I want to stop taking my meds, because nothing is wrong with me. No reason to keep dragging me back here. When I'm on them, everything slows down. That's when the problem is. Hey, nice to see you. My roommate last time couldn't stand me.

House: [who has continued unpacking, silently] Really?

Alvie: I'm Juan Alvarez. J.A.'s my stage name, but Alvie's what everybody around here calls me, like the Woody Allen character in, uh, Annie Hall, but the Puerto Rican version and not as neurotic. So what do I call you?

House: Oh, you're actually waiting for an answer this time. You can call me House.

Alvie: Ow! [sings and plays air guitar] He's a brick, wah wah wah wah, House. Buh buh dum dum.

[Cut to House walking quickly down the hall.]

Alvie: [behind him] Hey, wait up. I've already got the whole place wired so I'll give you the rundown. [They enter the dayroom.] Yo, everybody! This is my new roommate, House, y'all. [to House] Main thing you gotta know -

House: [to Annie who is standing and staring into the office area] Is this the line?

Alvie: [to Annie] Hey, Gabby, meet my new roommate, House. You can call him "Heezy."

House: No, you can't.

Alvie: Don't worry. She won't call you anything. She hasn't talked in, like, ten years or something. Good you came here. You need to know the lay of the land.

House: [rapping with his cane on the glass window of the office] I need to request a new room. [He starts walking down the perimeter of the office, looking for someone. Alvie follows.]

Alvie: Ha. Ha. You're funny. You're also gonna come here to get your meds.

House: I'm not on any meds.

Alvie: You either? Good for you. Tell me my mind works too fast. Probably tell Usain Bold he runs too fast.

House: Excuse me. I know you're busy ignoring me, but my minibar is empty.

Alvie: You think Bolt could do the long jump? That sport needs to evolve. Had the same world record for, like, 20 years. I think if one guy launched himself headfirst and right before he hits the ground does a front flip instead, get three extra feet out of that, easy.

House: Go be that man.

[Alvie laughs. House walks away, Alvie follows him. They both turn around as Hal falls on the floor and cries out.]

Hal: Ahhhhh! Ow, my head. Gahhh. My head.

Safer: [coming over to him] You're not getting any Haldol. Sorry.

Alvie: That's Hal. His real name is Connor, but we call him Hal because he -

House: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. [He goes to the piano.]

Alvie: We can't play that. They keep it locked up. I wish we could, but at the same time, you can imagine how annoying that could be. Crazy people playing on it all the time. We'd never get any peace. Come on. I want to introduce you to everybody.

[Beasley and Dr. Medina are peering at House through the blinds on a door in the office.]

Medina: Do you think he's serious? He's a doctor. He knows that acting out will only reinforce our diagnosis.

Nolan: [behind them] Or it'll work.

[Medina and Beasley turn away from spying to look at Nolan.]

Medina: You actually think this is something we should be concerned about?

Nolan: A patient makes a threat, you should always be concerned.

[Cut to group therapy. House is slumped in a chair, glaring. On his left is Alvie. Next to Alvie is Diane, a heavy woman whose eyeglasses are held together with tape. Next to Diane is Hal. He is a tall, thin white man in his late 30s. Stomp is on Hal's left. He's around 50. He doesn't talk and his hands are bandaged. Beasley sits between Stomp and Richter, a short guy with curly hair. Jay-Bird, a tall, slender black man in his late 30s and Susan, a toothpick thin, nervous-looking woman round out the circle.]

Beasley: There are two new additions to our ward. You all know Alvie.

Alvie: [jumping up] Thank you, thank you. Hold your applause. It's great to be back here in Mayfield. Not just for the food. Not just for the ladies - [he looks around] Well, okay, maybe just for the ladies. [He sits down.]

Beasley: And you should also welcome Greg to the floor.

House: Don't worry about the name. I'm just passing through. Don't want to break any hearts.

Jay-Bird: Can we go outside now?

Beasley: Not now, Jay.

House: So he's claustrophobic, right? [to Jay] You're claustrophobic? [to Beasley] Can I get a pen to write this stuff down?

[Stomp gets up and leaves the circle. He has one bandaged hand at his face and the other clutched to his chest. He seems agitated.]

Richter: Where are you going? [to Beasley] Where's he going

Beasley: It's okay.

House: [pointing at Richter] Paranoid. Check.

Hal: Dr. Beasley. I am having an issue with the food.

Beasley: What's the problem?

Hal: I swear I'm eating less and less, and I just keep getting bigger and bigger.

House: A crayon? Anybody?

Beasley: We'll talk about it another time. I understand you all had art therapy yesterday.

Susan: Maybe we can hang some of the new pieces on the wall.

House: Cut your wrists, huh?

Beasley: Greg, there are certain topics -

House: [feigning shock] Oh, I'm sorry. Is suicide taboo? Gosh, if I've broken a rule on my first day, I will kill myself.

Beasley: Group's over. [Richter and Jay-Bird leave immediately.]

House: That flew by.

Beasley: You realize you're not the first uncooperative patient on this floor?

House: Really? Is there a club?

Beasley: Yes. [standing and pointing] Come with me to the clubhouse.

[Cut to the orderly unlocking the door to room 232, a padded cell. House hands him his cane as he passes.]

Orderly: That didn't take long.

House: I'm that good.

[The orderly locks the door behind him. Through the window in the door, House can be seen sitting on the end of the bed.]

[Cut to the yard. Some of the patients are playing basketball. Beasley watches from a bench.]

Alvie: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. [He catches the ball as it rebounds off the backboard.]

Beasley: Come on, Alvie! Let's see some action.

Alvie: [shooting past Jay-Bird] Oh! You got nothing!

[Jay-Bird catches the ball as House comes out and goes to sit with Beasley.]

Richter: Me! Me! Me!

Beasley: Pass, pass, pass! Good. [As Richter shoots.] Come on, guys! [to House] Ready to play nice?

House: Would you believe me if I said "yes"?

Beasley: No.

House: Then, yes.

Beasley: You do know I'm trying to help you.

House: [nods] I also know you're trying to be sweet, caring and effective. You're just not.

Beasley: You want out. [House looks at her.] Just talk. Be honest. Try to work with people. Try to deal with people.

House: [nods slightly] Okay.

[He gets up, holding his leg as Little Cabin Song by Billy Moon, Sharkey & Zooks starts to play.]

Alvie: House, House! He's on my team!

House: Shut up. Nobody likes you.

[Alvie visibly wilts as House turns to Jay-Bird who has the ball.]

Jay-Bird: Hey.

House: Am I crowding you?

Jay-Bird: What?

House: Can't see the sun?

Jay-Bird: [backing up and sinking lower with each step] Huh?

House: Oh, no! Everything is closing in.

Jay-Bird: [seated on the ground, gives House the ball] Okay.

House: [to Beasley] He's the claustrophobic one, right? 'Cause I'm doing this from memory. [He starts walking toward the basket.]

Richter: You have to dribble.

House: Why? The CIA satellites aren't watching me. They're watching you, 'cause you're wearing green. [As Richter tears off his sweater and throws it on the ground, House turns to Beasley] That one was just too easy. [Turning to Hal] Seriously, anorexia? What, are you supposed to be a girl? And, in answer to your implicit question, yes, those pants do make you look fat. [Hal backs away quickly. House looks around and sees Susan standing under the basket.] How upset were you when you woke up in the ER and you were still alive and a failure? [She turns and walks away. House looks at Beasley, bounces the ball a couple of times and makes an easy lay-up.]

Alvie: Whoo-hoo. Two-nothing. Good, guys!

[Alvie goes to high five House who ignores him. He heads for Beasley who is standing. Richter is seated, curled up on the bench behind her.]

House: You're right. It is rewarding when you reach out.

[He picks up his cane and heads for the stairs which are through a big metal fence door.]

Beasley: You can't go up there. It's yard time now.

House: Put it on my tab.

[He starts up as Beasley goes to comfort Richter. As he climbs, he hears
Schumann's Kinderszenen Op. 15 on the piano. He enters the day room. Lydia, a visitor, is playing the piano. Annie sits on a bench nearby.]

House: I think you'll find music therapy's more effective if the patients are inside to hear it. [She smiles and continues playing.] Where'd you get the key?

Lydia: [speaking with a German accent] They gave it to me.

House: [pointing to Annie] So, if she ever talks, are we gonna get a German accent?

Lydia: [laughing] No. She's, um, my husband's sister.

House: So let him come play the piano.

Lydia: He doesn't know how to play.

House: Nice. You're a little heavy on the right foot, though. [He sits next to Annie.]

Lydia: See her head? It bobs to the music. It's the only real reaction I'm getting from her. [House takes Annie's wrist.] It feels like... we're talking.

House: You're not talking. [She stops playing and looks at him.] Her head is bobbing to her pulse.

Lydia: Are you a new doctor on the ward?

House: Technically, yes.

[The door to the outside opens. Two orderlies come in, followed by Beasley. House stands and tosses his cane to the first orderly who catches it.]

House: Can I lead this time?

Orderly: Come on.

House: [to Lydia, over his shoulder as they lead him off] Leave the lid unlocked when you're done.

[Iron & Wine's Love Vigilante plays as House lies stretched out in the isolation room. He spends most of the time with his hands clasped behind his head like a pillow but, at one point he slides his right hand down to rub his leg. He raises his head slightly when Beasley enters, carrying his cane.]

House: Can you close the door? You're letting all the cool air out.

Beasley: If you keep up this scorched-earth policy, you're gonna end up living in this room. Are you ready to try another strategy, or do you want me to leave you in here?

[She holds out his cane. He stares for a moment then reaches for it.]

[Cut to the day room. Hal and Alvie are playing ping pong, using their hands instead of paddles. Diane is watching them. Susan is at a table playing solitaire. Stomp and Jay-Bird are by the piano. Hal reaches for a shot and falls on the ping pong table with a loud grunt. The ball bounces away.]

Alvie: Twenty-one. Two one. That's game. Hey, House is back.

Diane: I'll get the ball.

Alvie: [to House] Come on. I need some meat. I got no one left to play.

Diane: I'll play you.

Alvie: Girl! Come on, House. You can serve. [He rolls the ball across the table toward House, who picks it up.]

House: I've had some time to think about the approach I've been taking. [He looks back at Beasley.] I'm new, unhappy here, and I've been taking it out on you guys... unfairly. It was... misdirected anger. [He bounces the ping pong ball on the table once.] 'Cause when you think about it, the real jerks here are the doctors.

Beasley: House.

House: See how they give you a ping pong table, but no paddles. No net. It's like they're mocking you.

Alvie: Preach!

House: The game is called table tennis, not table volleyball.

Beasley: [coming over] Greg, you know where this is gonna end.

House: Who ever saw a tennis court without a net?

Richter: Little run-down park across from my apartment growing up. Three courts, no nets. No one ever used it.

House: No one's gonna try to hang themselves with a ping pong net.

Hal: Of course not.

Jay-Bird: That's ridiculous.

Alvie: It ain't right, doc. You treat us like little kids.

House: No, little kids are allowed to play ping pong and they can play the piano.

Richter: Yeah, worse than little kids.

Beasley: All right, why don't we just go and sit down and discuss it?

Hal: No, no, no, no. I want to discuss it right here.

[The patients start shouting and banging on things.]

Beasley: Guys. [They continue.] Guys. [House is bopping to the rhythm of their noise, silently egging them on.] Guys!

Alvie: We want our paddles. We want our paddles. We want -

[Everyone stops. House turns around. Nolan has entered.]

Nolan: House is right. [He holds up two paddles.] I think everyone here can handle these. [He tosses one to Alvie and turns to leave.]

House: Seriously? Is that your strategy? Give everybody what they want except me?

Nolan: You're a natural leader. You could do something useful down here, for them, definitely for you. Or we could... keep fighting. If you think you can break me, if you think I'm not every bit as stubborn as you.

[He leaves. House turns back, thinking.]

[Cut to House's and Alvie's room at night. House is lying in bed, still thinking.]

Alvie: [rapping] Came to fight the man and he had the master plan, but it started to unravel, Nolan smashed him with his gavel like BLAH.

House: Shut up.

Alvie: So you gonna keep trying to make them miserable?

House: No

Alvie: New plan?

House: Yep.

Alvie: What is it?

House: I don't know yet.

Alvie: [rapping in a whisper] His mind is burning, the wheels are turning, the butter is churning. You think Nolan can keep House from strolling? -

House: You know, it's easier to come up with a new plan in silence.

Alvie: [snaps his fingers] Right. Cool. [He lays quietly for close to ten seconds.] Can I hum?

[House grabs something from the bedside table and throws it at Alvie's head.]

[Cut to the day room. Group is in session.]

Beasley: I'd like you all to welcome another addition to our ward. Steve.

Freedom Master: Uh Freedom Master. Steve Elkerton is just a cover. It's like Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker.

Alvie: Coooool. We got more Jesuses than superheroes.

Freedom Master: Well, I try to blend in in the outside world, but I figure in here, everybody gets it.

Alvie: [to House in a stage whisper] Hey... We're living in the Ward of Justice. [He mimes a mask with his fingers.]

Beasley: Alvie. [to Freedom Master] Can you explain a little more about what you think everybody gets?

Freedom Master: There's good and evil in the world. And some people are - are special, and they're chosen to help keep evil forces at bay.

Susan: You don't think you can stop bullets, do you?

Freedom Master: I move out of their way.

Richter: Can you read minds?

[House makes an exasperated face.]

Freedom Master: No.

[House gets up and heads for the windows.]

Beasley: Group time, Greg.

Freedom Master: Why isn't she talking? [He points at Annie.] She needs help. She needs somebody to save her.

Beasley: That's what we're all trying to do. Let's take five minutes. Everybody get to know Steve.

[She gets up and heads toward House.]

Freedom Master: I can fly. [Alvie laughs.]

Beasley: [to House] I know you're scheming. Working on your next elaborate plan to get out of here. Why don't you put the plan on hold for a few days? See what happens. Just let me do my job. If you prefer private to group, we can do that, maybe try some SSRIs. [House is busy staring at Nolan and an attractive woman in the parking lot.] If you think nothing's working, you can always go back to your schemes.

House: God, if only you'd said that two minutes ago, before I came up with my new scheme. Now I'm committed. [He takes a step past her then leans back with a huge smile on his face.] Ha! Get it!

[She watches, smiling, as he leaves.]

[Cut to the yard. Alvie is playing basketball.]

Alvie: Huh. Shaq up in my area. I'm a better baller and a better rapper. [He shoots.] What? And I'm good at basketball too.

House: [approaches] Do you have third floor privileges?

Alvie: [nodding] Ever since I shared in group about my uncle fondling me.

House: Is that true?

Alvie: Yeah. And now I can use the third-floor vending machines. [He continues to shoot, miss and grab the rebounds during the conversation.] You eat sour cream and onion chips? I mean the whole point is the dipping. Sure, we save time by not adding the mix and sour cream, but you're missing out on the -

House: I need you to break into Nolan's office.

Alvie: [instantly into it] Commando style.

House: I want you to focus.

Alvie: You want me to mess him up?

House: Go into Nolan's office. Look at his calendar. I need the name of the woman he met with at 11 today.

Alvie: No problem. And I'll get you some old-school chips. If they have them, I'll get you some dip. But I've never seen dip in the vending machine.

House: Yes, get me chips and dip. What else?

Alvie: I get it, I get it. Plan "B." "B" is for blackmail. I got you covered. [hands House the basketball and whispers] Commando style.

[Alvie leaves, doing elaborate commando style jumping, zigzag up the stairs.]

[Cut to the day room. House sits on the piano bench, twirling his cane. He leans back, trying to look casual, and realizes the piano is unlocked. He thinks then smiles slightly when he realizes Lydia left it unlocked as he asked. He reaches back and plunks out the first notes of Beethoven's Fifth. In the office, Safer holds out the piano key to the orderly. House sees this, closes the piano lid and goes to sit next to Annie. The orderly comes out and locks the piano.]

[The door opens. Alvie can be heard before he can be seen being carried into the ward by two orderlies. He is wiggling and yelling.]

Alvie: Let me go! I just wanted a little snack, all right? Yo, I didn't know they machine was moved! I want some Ritz Bits. Yo, I might be pregnant! I get these cravings!

[House smiles as they carry Alvie off.]

[Cut to House's and Alvie's room. House sits on his bed, whistling slightly and toying with his cane. Alvie comes in.]

House: You get the name?

Alvie: Nolan's schedule book just has a big "X" marking out the whole middle of the day.

House: Well, then we can assume the girl he's with is called "Nooner."

Alvie: [chuckling] Nooner, Nooner, Nolan's gonna spoon her.

House: He's gonna fork her.

Alvie: And then he's gonna knife her. [House looks at him.] I didn't get a chance to check the phone or anything else.

House: That's okay. I got her license plate. I call my friend. He gets the name. I get the letter that gets me out of here.

Alvie: You got phone privileges?

House: I'm on level minus four. I'm still writing with a crayon. You?

Alvie: You got to be at level five. That's like the top of the Space Needle. Hal's the only one that's up that high.

House: Hal's at level five?

Alvie: They give him a point every time he clears his plate. I've been eating his potatoes.

House: Will he sell you some minutes?

Alvie: No. I pay two cigarettes for the potatoes. Phone's worth a lot more.

House: [thinks] Can you cheek a pill?

Alvie: No.

House: That's too bad for you.

[Cut to montage of the day room. Poison Pushy by Stanton Moore plays. Diane is working on a jigsaw puzzle. Stomp and Richter are playing checkers. House and Alvie sit on a couch. Alvie's more jittery than usual, if that's possible. They don't look at each other while they quietly talk.]

House: You sure you're good with this?

Alvie: Yeah, yeah. Gotta be done.

House: So how do we start?

Alvie: I think we just start. Make it good. Make it real. [Long pause] Just do it already. [House sets his mouth then reaches across his body to pop Alvie in the face with a right jab.] Aah!

[Everyone looks up as House stands. He grabs Alvie by the shirt, hauls him off the couch and throws him on the floor. The TV in the room shows Stewie beating Brian in an episode of Family Guy. House, straddling Alvie, is punching him over and over.]

Safer: Code Gray!

Beasley: [getting up from her desk where she's been talking to Jay-Bird] Give me five milligrams of Haldol!

[Back in the day room, House continues to punch Alvie.]

Alvie: Aah! [several more punches] Help! Get him off me!

[Two orderlies grab House by the upper arms and drag him off Alvie. As he struggles, one of them pries open his mouth and shoves a couple of pills inside.]

[Cut to the orderlies dumping an unconscious House on his bed. They leave. Moments later, Alvie sneaks into the room. He has several livid bruises on his face. He goes to House's bed and whispers.]

Alvie: Dude, that was awesome.

[House opens one eye. He sits up and opens his mouth. The pills are on his tongue. He spits them into his hand.]

House: Think Hal will mind if they're wet?

[Alvie laughs and applies a cold pack to his bruises.]

[Cut to a darkened hall at night. House is making a call on one of the pay phones. Wilson answers.]

Wilson: House?

House: No. It's your other friend at the asylum.

Wilson: How's it going?

House: Hallucinations are gone, so is the Vicodin.

Wilson: [closing his laptop and putting it on the table] How's the leg? How's the pain?

House: They got me on some non-narcotic. I'm dealing. I need you to run a license plate.

Wilson: Was there a hit-and-run on your floor? House, just do what you're supposed to do. Listen to the doctors and I'll be able to visit soon.

House: Track down the owner of this car, and I'll be able to visit you in your office tomorrow. My doctor is too smart, too old and too well-dressed to only be running one ward. He screwed up something in his life and I think he's doing it again. I need her name so I can blackmail the blackmailer.

Wilson: House. House. He called me.

House: What did he want to know?

Wilson: He wanted to know about you. He wanted to warn me that you'd be calling for something. And he told me if I wanted to help you get better, I had to let him do his job.

House: Well, now I'm calling you to tell you that if he calls you -

Wilson: House, I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you.

House: You can.

[Wilson hangs up the phone and stands, holding it. House, on his end, takes the phone away from his ear.]

[Cut to House's and Alvie's room. Alvie sits up as House comes back in.]

House: It turns out... you're my only friend.

Alvie: House ain't a newbie, now he living on this floor. [He's holding a slipper like a microphone. He holds it out toward House.]

House: And I hate you. I'm gonna cooperate.

Alvie: That's not much of a plan. That's actually their plan.

House: No, I'm pretty sure their plan is for me to actually swallow the pills, to actually cooperate.

[Alvie laughs. House smiles.]

[Cut to the day room. Montage as James Hunter's No Smoke Without Fire plays. A whiteboard has each patient's name, their intake date - House's was 05/25 - primary physician, etc. In the "privilege #" column, House has a "0."]

[Group is in session. House is talking, a lot. The "0" on the white board gets replaced with a "1."]

[Cut to House on the fenced-in outside stairwell. He lights a cigarette and puts the matches back on a high crossbeam. He blows the smoke up at a camera. Cut to House playing basketball. He smiles as he throws the ball to Richter. House's privilege number goes to "2."]

[House stands in the office doorway. Beasley fills out some paperwork then bows as she hands House an ID on a chain. Cut to House outside. He's lying on a bench, looking up at the sky. Safer changes House's privileges to "3."]

Alvie: I'm so proud of my little roomie. [All the guys except Freedom Master are at a table playing cards. Alvie reaches across to pinch House's cheek.] I only taught him everything he knows. House brushes his hand away as Stomp giggles slightly.]

House: One, two, three. [They all put a card on their foreheads, facing out. House has the 8 of diamonds, Jay-Bird the 10 of clubs.] Okay, Stomp. Start the bidding. Highest card wins. [Stomp, who has the king of hearts, gets up and leaves.] That's probably a fold. Richter.

Richter: [He has a red face card] Uh, two cigarettes.

House: He's not confident, Alvie. Crush him, in the form of a rhyme if you want.

Alvie: [with the 8 of spades] No regrets, raise ten cigarettes.

House: Oh. That's a lot of nerve for someone with a two on their head.

Alvie: You're messing with me.

Hal: [two of hearts] You can't raise ten. I only have five.

Alvie: Throw in your phone card.

Hal: I'm not gonna throw in my phone card.

Diane: [approaching] Can I play?

House: [reaching for her] Come here.

Diane: Why?

House: I want to see if you've got what it takes. Give me your best poker face. [She leans down and stares at him. He stares back. He sees his card reflected in her glasses.] Too rich for my blood. [to Diane] You can take my seat.

Safer: Med time!

[Everyone but Alvie gets up. House is first in line.]

Safer: How are you feeling today?

House: Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow. [He takes the pills and water. As he passes Alvie, he sticks out his tongue. There are two pills on it. Alvie smiles and touches his nose.]

[Cut to shots of Mayfield's exterior as Schubert's Impromptu #3 in B flat is heard on the piano. In the day room, House approaches Lydia, who is playing.]

House: I've been humming to her. She sways. It might be significant. [Lydia continues playing.] Are you ignoring me or are you just letting my charm wash over you.

Lydia: [smiling as House sits next to Annie] Kind of tough to play and chat. A couple of weeks ago you told me playing to her was a complete waste of time.

House: You're right. Your playing does get worse when you talk. [She gives him a "very funny" look.] I assume she loved music.

Lydia: She played for the Philadelphia Philharmonic - cello.

House: Well, if she responded to the piano, she might respond even better to the cello.

Lydia: [stopping playing] I play a little. Hmm. Maybe I'll bring one in on Tuesday. Thank you. [He nods acknowledgement.]

[Cut to the office. House plays with a rubber band while he sits at Medina's desk.]

House: Different desk. Different doctor.

Medina: You've been on meds for a while now. I'll be checking in with you periodically to see if we need to adjust your dose. Any dry mouth, trouble sleeping?

House: Nope. Can I go now? There's a manic out there with a fresh carton of cigarettes, and he's a terrible bluffer.

Medina: [chuckling] It's nice to see that you and Alvie are friends again. Tell me about your fight.

House: He hit me. I hit him back. Repeat until pulpy.

Medina: Alvie told me you instigated the thing.

House: Well, that tends to be the way fights work - different interpretations of the same circumstances.

Medina: Very understanding attitude.

House: There's that tone again.

Medina: You're smart.

House: How come every time you compliment me, it sounds like an accusation?

Medina: You're not having any side effects from your meds, which is unusual.

House: It's not that unusual.

Medina: The story about the fight isn't adding up.

House: Why don't you stop pretending that you haven't reached a conclusion? You don't trust me. Actually, it's more fundamental than that. You don't like me.

Medina: I didn't say that.

House: You think I'm not taking my meds.

Medina: Are you?

House: Yes. So what do you want me to do? Want me to take a urine test? Will that earn your trust?

Medina: Actually, yeah.

[Medina gets up. House looks worried.]

[Cut to the bathroom. Medina leads the way in. He's holding a specimen cup that he hands to House.]

Medina: Have at it.

House: A little dignity, please.

Medina: You know the rules. I have to watch.

House: Yeah, but you don't have to have courtside seats. Can I at least use a stall?

[Cut to House sidling into one of the stalls. He locks the door and hangs up his cane. He turns toward the toilet and gives Hal the specimen cup. Hal is crouched on the toilet. He stands and unzips. Outside, Medina looks under the stall and sees only House's feet. In the stall Hal signals for House to look away. House takes a deep breath, looks at the ceiling and begins to sing.]

House: For he himself has said it, and it's greatly to his credit, that he is an Englishman. He i-i-i-i-is an Englishman.

[Hal gives House the filled and capped specimen cup. House flushes, retrieves his cane and slips out of the stall. He hands the specimen to Medina.]

House: Get it while it's hot.

[Cut to the day room. House's privilege number is changed to 4. Medina's in the office. He closes a book and comes into the room. The boys are all playing cards again.]

Medina: [to House] I'm sorry I doubted you.

[House nods. As Medina turns away, House and Alvie bump fists.]

Medina: Freedom Master, think you could help me out?

Freedom Master: [standing] You need help? Of - of course. That's -

Medina: Great. Could you move the piano for me? [House pauses while reaching for a card and looks at them over his shoulder.] It's 500 pounds. That's not too much, is it?

Freedom Master: Well, is there something trapped underneath or...?

Medina: No. I just want to move it away from the window.

Freedom Master: I'm sorry. My powers aren't for frivolous -

Medina: Just one quick lift.

House: Why are you doing that?

Alvie: [quietly] House, it's none of your business.

House: [putting down his cards and turning] I'm just curious. As a doctor, What are you doing?

Medina: Either he is Freedom Master, and he shouldn't be here, or else he's suffering from a serious and dangerous delusion that he needs to deal with.

House: [taking his cane and standing] So... legit medical reasons. You're not just trying to break the guy because he's a little different.

Medina: He's not different. He's delusional. [to Freedom Master] Can you help me out?

Freedom Master: [looking at Annie] What is she looking at?

Medina: You're not a superhero, Steven. You're just a regular person.

Freedom Master: I can save her.

Medina: That's okay. We're... we're all just regular people. It's what we do.

Freedom Master: They stole her voice box. [He heads for the office.] They have it in there. That's what she's staring at. That's what she's staring at. She's always staring -

Medina: Your wife is dead.

[Everyone watches.]

Freedom Master: Good can defeat evil.

Medina: Not every time. Evil people killed a lot of good people that day. You couldn't save her. No one could save her.

Freedom Master: It's in there. Her voice is in there. Her voice is in there.

[He starts rattling the doorknob to the office, trying to get in.]

Medina: Code gray.

[He turns away as two orderlies grab Freedom Master. He tries harder to open the door.]

Freedom Master: Her voice is in there. [as they drag him off, he continues to shout] Her voice is in there! Her voice is in there. No! No!

[House stares at Medina.

[Cut to Alvie coming over to House.]

Alvie: Don't do it.

House: I'm not doing anything.

[They're in the yard. House is sitting on a bench, flipping cards.]

Alvie: You're thinking. Thins go from thinking to doing way too fast in this place. You keep thinking, you're gonna wind up with no mo in your mojo.

House: I'm thinking of hitting you again.

Alvie: You hate Medina. You hate all of them. You want to hurt them. You got to keep pretending. Step away from the hate.

House: What's the difference between pretending to cooperate and cooperating?

Alvie: Pretending is pretending. It's not real. You don't mean it.

House: I sat and watched while he did something stupid and pointless. I cooperated.

Alvie: In a few days, you won't have to watch because you're going home. You'll be getting your job back.

Safer: Everybody inside. Closing ceremonies. Everyone attends. One of you is going home.

[Cut to the day room. A cake with "Happy Re-Birthday" and one candle on it is on the table.]

Beasley: It's been a great week. Um, a number of you have made tremendous strides. But today we're here to congratulate Susan. [Everyone applauds as Susan walks to the table.] We wish her well, and we hope

Everyone: to never see her again!

[More applause. Susan blows out the candle. House looks around.]

Beasley: Yeah, isn't it pretty?

[House walks over to Medina.]

House: Where's Freedom Master?

Medina: He isn't able to take part.

[House heads back toward the rooms. Medina follows. House opens the door to Freedom Master's room. He's sitting, motionless, on his bed.]

House: Get out there. They said everybody has to get out there. Talk! Say something!

Medina: Dr. House, leave him alone.

House: Did you drug him?

Medina: Of course I didn't drug him.

House: He has a flat affect. He's practically catatonic.

Alvie: [in the doorway] Hey, we got cake.

Medina: He's fine.

Alvie: Double chocolate. Yummy, yummy.

House: Don't tell me that he's fine! You did this. He was functioning. He was happy.

Medina: He was delusional.

House: Yeah. He's way better off now.

Nolan: [entering] Dr. House. Let's talk.

[House follows Nolan out the door.]

Alvie: Thinking sucks.

[Cut to Nolan's office.]

House: I'm not allowed to get angry? They screwed him up. And for the record, I am two privilege levels above Susan. And I got the same depression-scale score.

Nolan: Every patient is different. It's not about scores and levels and -

House: Happiness is happiness. The test is the test. Coping is coping.

Nolan: And you think you're -

House: Absolutely! I need to address some deeper issues, which I can do on an outpatient basis. Three hours a week? And that's just my opening offer. If you want to counter, I'll likely fold.

Nolan: No.

House: "No" is not an argument. Are you trying to frustrate me?

Nolan: No.

House: "No" again? I can cope! I'm coping. In fact... [He reaches into his pants pocket.] I'm coping better than you think. I've not been taking my meds. [He holds out a handful of pills.] Not one. And yet, I still scored a "high functioning" on your depression test.

Nolan: So your proof of your well-being is that you lied?

House: Manipulated. My proof is that I can fool the test, I can fool you, which means I am high functioning. I am sane, rational, capable. I should not be here.

Nolan: These are your pills from today? [Nolan picks one up from where House dropped them on his desk.]

House: I'm not gonna take it. I'll just cheek it again.

[Nolan leans forward with the pill in his palm.]

Nolan: Lick it.

House: You want me to lick your hand?

Nolan: I washed.

[House stares, silently, at him for several second.]

House: It's sugar.

Nolan: Your test results were improving too regularly and too quickly. I was concerned that you weren't taking your pills, that it was all an act, so I switched you to a placebo... [He eats the pill.] to see if your improvements would continue. [chuckles] Your psych tests told me nothing, but your urine tests told me you were faking. You need to stop fighting the system. You need to let me do my job.

[Cut to House's and Alvie's room. Alvie is in bed. House slams the door as he walks in.]

Alvie: So... what's the next plan?

House: There is no new plan. I'm out of plans.

Alvie: So what do we do?

House: We stop talking. [He lifts his leg and lies down, facing he wall.]

[Cut to the next morning. An acoustic guitar plays as House paces near a window in the day room. He sees a convertible VW driving toward the hospital. There's a cello in the back seat. Lydia's driving. House smiles.]

[Cut to an elevator opening. Lydia gets off and turns. House is sitting on a bench behind her.]

House: I see you've got some cello in your trunk. [She turns to face him.] And, no, that's not a euphemism. [He stands.]

Lydia: Are you spying on me?

House: I'm living in a psychiatric hospital. Staring out of the window is what we do. I assume you'll need help carrying it up. I still got grounds privileges.

Lydia: And who's going to carry you when you're carrying the cello?

House: Yes, cast aside the useless cripple. How very German of you.

Lydia: Seriously, the thing weighs a ton with that case. I think I need a dolly.

House: Or we could ask Clark Kent to pitch in.

[Freedom Master is sitting, motionless by one of the windows.]

Lydia: The dolly's probably easier.

House: Eh, the dolly... already feels good about itself. He was a happy-go-lucky superhero until they told him he has no powers. We let him help out, he feels good about himself. Might be less depressed.

[She sighs.]

[Cut to outside. House and Lydia are on the curb. Freedom Master is wrestling the cello out of the car.]

House: So why do you put your life on hold to visit your sister-in-law five times a week?

Lydia: Am I somehow a bad person for showing compassion?

House: No. You're not even a bad person for lying about why you're doing it. [loudly, to Freedom Master] Oh, that is impressive. That is a superhuman feat. [Freedom Master grunts as he puts the cello down next to the car.] Why don't you take a rest before you fly that thing up to the ward? [He leans against the car, breathing hard.] He's still depressed. Give me your car keys. [He holds out his hand.]

Lydia: You gonna dangle them in front of him to entertain him?

House: I'm gonna make him feel like he's flying. I'll just drive him around the grounds, top down, wind in his hair. [She laughs.] Seriously... you're gonna say no to that? [pointing at Freedom Master]

[She sighs and hands him the keys.]

[Cut to House's hand, turning on the ignition of the car. The car drives off. The cello is all alone at the bus stop.]

[Cut to the three of them in the car. House is driving. Lydia is riding shotgun. Freedom Master is in the back seat.]

House: Why are you so nice to me?

Lydia: I think you have a good heart.

House: Would you still be nice to me if I told you that I lied? I'm not just driving around the grounds in your convertible. I'm kidnapping him and stealing your car.

[Cut to the car pulling over to the curb, tires screeching.]

House: You sure? [She nods and opens the car door.] I was just starting to feel a little heat between us. Thought we had kind of a "Bonnie and Clyde" thing going there.

Lydia: Bonnie and Clyde get shot to pieces. [She closes the door.]

House: Hmm. See you.

[House and Freedom Master drive off. Lydia puts her bag on her shoulder and starts walking in the opposite direction, toward Mayfield.]

[Big Strides' "I Do Not Fear Jazz" plays as House and Freedom Master drive down the road. House reaches over and picks up a pair of sunglasses from the seat divider and puts them on. Freedom Master sits up and takes an interest in the surroundings.]

House: You can do this. [Cut to House wearing an orange and yellow jump suit with an "XFly" logo and goggles. There's a Ferris wheel in the background.] If you hold my hand, I can do it too.

[Freedom Master, who is dressed the same as House, shifts and grabs both House's forearms. House nods and the operator of the ride throws a switch. There's a whirring noise and Freedom Master's hair blows upward. As the wind grows, they are both lifted into the air. Freedom Master laughs, delightedly. "Life" by Sly and the Family Stone plays.]

[They're on a skydiving ride, floating high above the dinky, traveling carnival. They're both laughing. They let go with one hand and House takes a firmer grip on Freedom Master's left wrist.]

Freedom Master: Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo!

House: Don't let go!

Freedom Master: Aaah! Going up! Whooooo!

[They are up very high and grinning widely. They have a bird's eye view of the carnival. A clown laughs. Someone hits the bell on the Test Your Strength machine.]

[Cut to a parking garage. Freedom Master and House enter. House is carrying a large stuffed giraffe. He smiles and Freedom Master runs around, his arms wide in the classic airplane pose. In the background the Ferris wheel can be seen.]

Freedom Master: Whoo! Freedom Master's back! [He runs past House. A family getting into their car looks nervous.]

House: Keep it down, Freedom Master.

Freedom Master: [off screen] Whoo!

House: You're scaring the good citizens.

Freedom Master: [running up to House] That was the coolest moment of my life.

House: It was fun. [Freedom Master runs in a circle House.] You can repay me by telling Nolan he's an idiot.

Freedom Master: Smell that fresh air and the warmth of your yellow sun.

House: We do enjoy it. [Freedom Master "wooshes" off.] Careful of the traffic. [He puts the giraffe in the car. Don't go damaging any fenders. [He looks up.] Hey! [Freedom Master is climbing on the wall at the side of the garage.] Hey! Come on, get down. There's no cry for help. There's no cat in a tree.

Freedom Master: Thank you, Greg.

House: [yells] NO! [as Freedom Master "flies" off the side of the garage.]

[Cut to House holding Freedom Master's bloody jacket. He's in a waiting room at a hospital. He looks shocked and overwhelmed.]

Nolan: He's lucky to be alive. He's got a lacerated spleen, rotational pelvic fracture, compound break of the femur and humerus. Everything in your life has been about finding the truth. But suddenly, with this guy, you decide to reinforce a sick man's delusions. You just wanted to take a swing at me, hmm? You don't care about getting out. You don't care about him. You don't even care about the truth. You don't care about anything, House. I'm transferring you to Winslow Psychiatric. You'll have better luck pulling the wool over their eyes. [starts to walk away] I'm done.

House: [has been staring at him, looking terrified about what he did] Don't. [Nolan stops and looks back.] I need help.

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Originally Aired: September 21, 2009 Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner, David Foster & David Shore Directed by: Katie Jacobs Transcribed by: Jane (poeia) DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions....

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The Most (And Least) Medically Accurate Episodes Of 'House, M.D.

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The Most (And Least) Medically Accurate Episodes Of 'House, M.D.

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Forbes Welcome page -- Forbes is a global media company, focusing on business, investing, technology, entrepreneurship, leadership, and lifestyle.

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House — Episode 2 (Season 6): “Broken”

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House MD Episodes: Season 6 #601-602 "Broken"

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The sixth season of House started September 21, 2009 with this two hour special with House in a psychiatric institution.

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"Another screwed up human being that needs to move on"

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Don't forget to watch it in HD. Haven't been making many videos lately, but I do have a few different ideas and projects in mind that I plan on getting to so stay tuned. Also, if there's anything you'd like to ask or suggest, anything you want to see, just let me know.

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 House starts a detox program for his Vicodin problem in an attempt to control his hallucinations. It wasn’t till he meets Dr. Nolan that he opens up.

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 House starts a detox program for his Vicodin problem in an attempt to control his hallucinations. It wasn’t till he meets Dr. Nolan that he opens up.