# data[].attributes.body
Office work provides a number of benefits. First and foremost, support should be considered. There is a growing need for support due to increasingly fierce workplace competition. However, while office work boosts employers’ efficiency through providing face-to-face support easily, telework escalates the limitations of interaction which might lead to low efficiency. Furthermore, promotion opportunities are also different in these two working patterns. Since there are various features will be evaluated by supervisor when promote someone, people who work in office, contacting frequently and getting familiar with their boss, are more likely to grasp the promotion opportunities. In addition, working in office is also of great value to employers as they may save enormous cost in management. This is often the consequence of no need for establishing complicated supervising system to support and take charge of teleworking. Therefore, although there is inevitable tendency of telework developing, the currently irreplaceable benefits supplied by office work should not be neglected.

# data[].attributes.body
There are many differences between telework and office-based work. One significant difference is working hours. Although either working at home or in the office takes (requires) 35 working hours per week, telework has greater flexibility while working in the office often have (has) no choice but the fixed working time. In addition, unlike office-work, telework can improve work-life balance. Working at home can avoid commuting, this means workers are able to have enhanced social time. Finally, telework have (leads to) a reduction in stress level. Compared with office-work(ers), telework(ers) is (are) less likely to be exposed to office politics. Thus, it can be seen that telework is more effective than office-work.

# data[].attributes.body
Telework provides a great number of benefits. Firstly, teleworkers have greater flexibility on working hours, which let them have (allows for /provides) more freedom than office-based workers. Moreover, more social time can be used unlike office-based workers (who) have to stay in (the) office for a long time and contact (communicate) with same colleagues. Therefore, teleworkers may have heightened family relationship. Self-paced is beneficial for teleworkers as well. (Another benefit of telework is self-paced schedules). Decreased exposure to office politics has a positive impact on (job) satisfaction, resulting in (a) lowered turnover rate. In addition, telework can improve moral(e) and reduce stress because of no driving and less expenses. It also reduces the cost of company due to moderated energy (use) and lessened (need for) office space. In summary, there are plenty of advantages to both teleworker and company.

[A fair effort. You have crammed a lot of supporting points into this paragraph without really developing each idea adequately - we often refer to this weakness as 'shopping list writing'. Rather than list a lot of ideas, it is better to choose two and develop them by explaining reasons, why and how this is important. Please rewrite.]

# data[].attributes.body
There are some differences between tele-work and office-based work. It's (It is) obvious that teleworkers own (enjoy) the heightened flexibility which brings about more free time to accompany families, and it  leads to boosted family relationship, while the office workers always have to obey the fixed time-arrangements made by the employers. Moreover, teleworkers may have lessened anxiety as there is no office politics at home, however, office workers sometimes are more likely to be anxious because of the interruption that may exist in surrounding environment. Therefore, many may have the willingness to be a teleworker rather than a office worker due to these differences.

[Excellent level of accuracy. Grammatical structure as well as cohesion between ideas is very impressive. Well done.]

# data[].attributes.body
Telework provides a number of benefits which lead to a(n) increasing number of workers give(ing) up the work in office. One of the conclusive benefit(s) is greater flexibility of working hours, which means employees can arrange time by themselves without (the need to) hurry to arrive the work place. Although some companies already broaden their regulation, many still prefer a free schedule as the result of (having to) endure traffic congestion. Meanwhile, another benefit telework provides is the limited (unnecessary) time spending (spent) on support and supervision. Differ from (Unlike) the settled (set) face-to-face meeting(s), you can hold a telecommunication wherever and whenever you are during telework (teleconferencing can be conducted in any location) which reduces the time spending (spent) on preparing. Furthermore, there is also a significant advantage, the work-life balance, a definitely factory which can play an important role in working efficiency. [?? meaning is not clear] Telework can give raise to the (provide increased) social time which will make a contribution to reduce stress and enhance working motivation. In summary, not only working hours but also supervision and work-life balance will be benefited owing to telework.

[Generally well structured. However, there are significant weaknesses in clarity of expression. Large parts of the paragraph are difficult for the reader to understand (see bolded). It is very important that you proof read and edit your work carefully. Also, you did not demonstrate use of the target language which was compare-contrast. Please read all 5 models carefully analysing the target language and structure and then rewrite this paragraph. Thanks James.]

# data[].attributes.body
Telework provides a number of benefits. First and foremost, it contributes to work-life balance. Working in the fixed place and fixed time is unnecessary, thus (tele)workers will have more personal time to enjoy their lives (owing to the added flexibility). Besides, by using telework they will have (telecommuters experience) higher (job) satisfaction, in turn, resulting in higher productivity. Furthermore, they have (the option to work from home offers) greater flexibility on working hours which help for (facilitate enhanced) creativity and efficiency. Also, teleworking reduced(s) the stress from the office politics. Comparing(ed) to working in office，working at home does not need (require the need) to communicate with colleagues so frequently, it lowers some anxious about (anxiety related to office) relationship(s) and saves time to focus on working. Therefore, teleworking brings a lot of (significant) benefits for employees.

[A good effort. You have made a significant improvement this week Peng. Well done. Your main supporting points are clear. However, the expressions you have used are weak in terms of poor academic style, in appropriate choice of words and unnatural collocations. Please read the models carefully and learn some new expressions to use in the next writing practice.]

# data[].attributes.body
Tele-work provides a number of benefits. First and foremost, greater flexibility of working hours is one of the greatest benefits of teleworking. Unlike (While) office-based employees were (are) extremely limited to permanent working hours in office, individual and conventional plans could be built by (opportunities for more flexibility could be built into the schedules of tele-work). Thus, there will be an increased productivity after telecommuting. Similarly, tele-work also has a dramatic advantage on stress level. The fierce competition between colleagues in office may lead to office politics and interruption. In this way, their stress level(s) will be seen a dramatically boost under this circumstance. Therefore, tele-work has several assets, in both more flexible working hours and lower stress lever.

[This is a fairly well expressed paragraph with only a few problem areas. I'd like you to revise the use of compare-contrast signal language as these are not demonstrated effectively. Some unnatural/unclear expressions are evident. Try to do more reading practice to develop an understanding of natural collocation in English.]

# data[].attributes.body
Telework provides a number of benefits. First and foremost, compared with the office work, the cost in telework is extreme(ly) low. Although both of them have the necessary expenses, there is no extra disburse for the telework. This is because there is no need to spend money on transport, equipment and so on. Secondly, telework is more flexible than office work. Both of them have the same workload, deadline and task, while work at (working from) home is more flexible which means more social time will be provided and this will directly lead to higher (job) satisfaction and finally result (in) more passion (and productivity) during the work time. Therefore, while both of them have many similarities, telework is better (more beneficial) than office-based work (in terms of reduced costs and flexible hours).

[Very well structured and clearly expressed. Only very minor weaknesses. Good use of the target language. Try to expand your range of structures though. For example, you used the phrase 'both of them have' three times. Consider demonstrating other ways of expressing the same idea. Eg. = both share.]

# data[].attributes.body
There are several similarities between telework and office-based work. First and foremost, basing on same work, (with regards to workloads) the number of working tasks is (the) same for both. For approaching these tasks, the matching efforts must be demanded (required/expected) and it probably consumes same times (equal amounts of time). Additionally, finishing same jobs also means (in terms of completing tasks,) the stress of employees depends on (each) tasks not places (the location). Objectively, these is always a time limit in every task so deadlines are equal to everyone whether working in company (the office) or not. In light of this, office-based work and telework has witnessed (share) similarities in task, time and pay.

[A fair effort. While the overall ideas are generally clear, the expressions are often unnatural. This is due to poor collocation and incorrect word choice. Please continue to do extra reading everyday to learn new expressions. Also, please analyse all of the model paragraphs provided.]

# data[].attributes.body
Compared to office-work, telework shows variety (various) benefits for both employees and employers. For workers who are permitted to telework, although they are required to have the same working hours as office workers, they have greater flexibility to manage time. This may improve their work-life balance and provide (a) richer social life. Furthermore，telecommuters may be less likely to be exposure (exposed) to high-pressure situation(s) for higher morale, due to their harmonious relationships with family and friends and higher job satisfaction. As for company, telecommuting may reduce the expense of office such as equipment and energy costs.
In conclusion, this is win-win choice for both workers and companies.
[A good start. Only minor weaknesses with regards to word form. Please continue.]

# data[].attributes.body
Despite the similarities in office work and telework, there are many differences between them. Firstly, while the total working hours are same in law, tele-work has greater flexibility than office-work, result(ing) in a healthier work-life balance, so the former could enhance(ing opportunities for more) their social time. Another difference is about stress and morale. In contrast to the urgency given by environment, [??unclear in meaning] working at home usually has heightened mood and improved morale, stemming from decreased stress levels. Because of this, telecommuters have better job satisfaction than those at office. Furthermore, unlike pencil pushers, teleworkers need limited supervision by e-mail and teleconferencing. Therefore, these differences allow telework to be a win-win trend in future.

[A very good paragraph. You have improved considerably. Well done. Your ideas are very well expressed making good use of the collocations you learned in class. I like the extra words you have incorporated - pencil pushers and win-win trend. This demonstrates that you have thought very carefully about how to improve your writing. A pleasing result. Well done.]

# data[].attributes.body
There are many differences between office-base work and telework. Firstly, the teleworkers are able to arrange working time of their own time (arrange their own work schedules) while office staffs have to get up early. Also, young couples who work at home have easier access to taking care of babies so that huge boosts of satisfaction occur (resulting in increased job satisfaction) unlike the office workers. The stress is another factor which leads the employees to choose telework that has less amount (as it involves lower levels of) of stress than the office-base work. Last but not least, for the whole society, work(ing) at home lower (reduces) the cost in equipments, energy and office space. In light of this, the office-based work differs from telework in working hours, work-life balance, stress as well as cost.

[Generally well written, although weaknesses in collocation and expression are evident. To address this, try to incorporate the fixed noun phrase collocations that we discussed in class. See your notes.]

# data[].attributes.body
There are many differences between office-based work and telework. Firstly, although working hours is both (for both is a) 35-hour week, work schedules are totally (considerably) different. Unlike (While) working hours has limited flexibility in a conventional workplace, telework leads to a more flexible work schedule for individuals, especially those with young children. Due to this, telework brings about enhanced work-life balance, providing more social time and family time. Another point of difference is employee retention. Office-based work has increased turnover, whereas employees in telework are less likely to quit. It has been reported that 73% (of) teleworkers (experience a) boost (in) esteem and motivation in work, while the rate of those who work in office is only 64%. Therefore, compared with office-based work, in both working hours and employee retention, telecommuting brings more benefits for both individuals and companies.
(130 words)

[Very well expressed with two very clear supporting points. I like the way you incorporated the evidence from the video. Despite a minor error with the use of 'unlike' you have demonstrated overall good use of target language. ]

# data[].attributes.body
There are many differences between office-based work and telework. Firstly, although the total working hours is (the) same for both, the flexibility is completely different. Compared with working at office, working at home has a greater flexibility, which means the time for working can be self controlled. Another point of difference is the cost. Office-based work needs extra space, energy and equipments, while telecommuting only need(s) essential equipments, for example, a laptop with fast access to (the) internet and a mobile phone. Due to this, the lowered cost saves much in operations of companies. Moreover, telework brings more social time with family and friends. In contrast, working at office occupies (requires workers to spend) an enormous amount of time (and money) on commuting. Furthermore, employees will be tired as a result, and do not want social activities but sleep. Thus, with these differences being concerned, (involved,) telework may be a great choice not only for employees but also for companies.

[Very well structured making good use of the target language. Still, minor weaknesses with word choice. Remember to avoid relying on a dictionary without understanding the contextual use of words.]

# data[].attributes.body
Office work provides a number of benefits. First and foremost, support should be considered. There is crimbing (?? a growing?) need of (for) support in both telework and office work due to increasingly fierce workplace competition. However, while office work can easily approach to (provide) support through efficient face-to-face contact, telework escalat ings (escalates) the limitations of interaction which might lead to reduction of working efficiency. Furthermore, promotion opportunities are also different in these two working patterns. When someone works in office, for example, he or she communicate(s) with supervisors more frequently, promoting cooperation and cultivating prvities, (?) which to some extent contribute to promotion. In contrast, it's (it is) harder for people who often work at home, rarely impressing their supervisors, to succeed in promotion. Although there is inevitable tendency of telework developing, the currently irreplaceable benefits supplied by office work should not be neglected.

[Clear supporting ideas expressed with competent use of the target vocabulary. Word choice and spelling need more attention as meaning is lost at times.]

# data[].attributes.body
There are many benefits of telecommuting. In contrast to  office-based work, telework provides more social time and opportunities to take part in the social activities. Enhanced social time and healthier work-life balance are contributing factor(s) of (in) job satisfaction which lead to increased productivity. Furthermore, necessary expenses can be reduced.The cost of resources  in traditional office such as office space, energy, equipment and commuting are high, whereas lower expenses are needed in telework.Therefore, reduced costs and heightened flexibility for (better) social (life) caused by telecommuting bring about  many benefits .

[Ideas are logical and cohesive. You have demonstrated competent use of collocations. Well done.]

# data[].attributes.body
Tele-work provides a number of benefits.The most significant factor is working hours. Heightened flexibility would be gained due to freely timetables, (the increased freedom of work schedules) so (; thus) the working hours could be arranged more flexibly. Furthermore, costs might be reduced, because fewer (less) equipments [uncountable] should be  prepared. (As) work-life balance plays a vital role in modern workers, the balance could be improved from (through) tele-work which results from (in) more social time, family time and personal time. Tele-work has a positive influence on emotion resulting in the reduction of stress, beacause of no office politics and fewer interruption.Thus, there are plenty of benefits in tele-work.

[Generally well written. Ideas are clear and connected well. Some problems with vocabulary use are evident.- - - e.g. preposition, countable vs uncountable with quantity and word choice collocation. Please read all model paragraphs as a guide. Good work.]