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Am I moving closer to God?Am I moving away from God?

Although it has been a rough process, I am moving closer to God. Right now, I have a support group in my church that meets every week to discuss about the bible and our personal lives and this has kept me accountable for my relationship with God.

In 2021, I hope to become closer to him as I find the light despite these trying times.

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On being alone:
For the past year, like most students my age, I have struggled with being alone. This comes as a surprise to most people because I am an introvert. To a certain extent, this is true.

However during 2019, the year I struggled with depression and anxiety the most-- adjusting to a new school and moving out of my childhood home at the same time, I was still able to find light in people who were able be there and comfort me physically.

During 2020, I felt the most alone I have been in my life. I felt so detached from people and my reality that often I would find it hard to physically get up from my bed and accomplish things without crying or thinking about taking my life.

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Nakahanap ako ng pamilya sa Save San Roque and Tulong Kabataan. Doon ako nakahanap ng boses at doon ko natanto na mas marami pala ang matutununan sa labas ng classroom, hindi sa loob nito. Sa kakausap ko sa mga trabahador at ng mga nanay ng komunidad, nakita ko ang kahusayan ng masa na hindi pinapansin ng ating mga kapwang Pilipino.

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Parang araw-araw na lang mayroon ako nakikitang pinatay, kinulong o rinedtag na aktibista. At kadalasan, pakiramdam ko ay walang nakakapansin o walang may pakialam sa mga buhay nila. At bilang estudyante, minsan di ko na alam kung paano makakatulong sa kanila.

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We have raised over 100,000 pesos in total for our beneficiaries for 2020 and our event was even featured on CNN Philippines.

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Last December, I got a low score on an entrance exam I have poured my blood, sweat and tears into for the past year.

Noong nakuha ko yung resulta, hindi ako makapaniwala na para sa wala lang pala lahat ng preparations ko. Iyak ako nang iyak dahil feeling ko ang bobo bobo ko talaga.

I made it the definition of my self-worth when I should not have, pero hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko.

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My family and I were able to go to the beach nearing the end of 2020.

Despite everything, when I was able to bury my feet in sand and feel the ocean on my skin again, I felt like everything was being washed away.

In that beach, I was able to pray genuinely for the first time in months. I was also able to be honest with my family about my mental health and emotions, and I was able to connect with them after pushing them out for so long.