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Contributed by: Eddie Kaufman

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I think one of the most important things you can learn when you're dating someone or in a relationship, is understanding how they like to receive an express love. The five love languages is a great resource, and content will be dealing with later on in the class.

Submitted by: Eddie Kaufman

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What Are the 5 Love Languages®?

The premise of The 5 Love Languages® book is quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.

Meet Dr. Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman, Ph.D.-author, speaker, and counselor-has a passion for people, and for helping them form lasting relationships.

Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages® is one of Chapman's most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling over twenty million copies and has been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007. Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling since the beginning of his ministry years, and his nationally-syndicated radio programs air nationally on Moody Radio Network and over 400 affiliate stations.

It's never too late to start loving better.

Dating, married, single, or simply looking for better ways to connect with others? There's a book for you!

3 steps to strengthening your relationships

Step 1

Learn Your Love Language™

Get ready for an "aha" moment! Discovering your own primary love language will help you better understand yourself, as well as teach others how to love you best.
Take the Quiz

Step 2

Exchange Your Results

Relationships go two ways. Once you discover your love language, share it with your loved ones. Then, ask them to share their results with you so you can love them better.

Step 3

Strengthen Your Relationships

People grow closer when they choose to consistently speak each other's love language. For the best understanding of the love languages and dialects, read The 5 Love Languages®.
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The premise of The 5 Love Languages® book is quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.

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A nice video that provides dating perspectives and tips from gay men in the Castro. Helpful for the local gay men in this class.

Contributed by: Derek Thomas

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Queers in the Wild: Episode 4 | 3 Gay Men in SF's Castro Talk Dating & Queer Culture

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This video provides a view of what it's like dating as a queer racial minority. Facing stereotypes like being shy, not masculine, submissive, and feeling overlooked an invisible in groups. Contributed by Deepak Singh

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Dating as an Asian Male | Documentary | SBS & SBS On Demand

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This is an excellent resourse for me because it talks about love in a real and honest way, not just the "perfect" fairy tales people read. This book opened a new perspective for me, heavily impacting my view of how love should be. Before reading it, I believed in "the one" person meant for you. However, after reading it, I understand that "the one" can be anyone, but it requires effort, communication, respect, and choosing to show up for your partner every day. There is no such thing as "happily ever after," but there can be "we choose to be happy together. " BY: Kyden Mei

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Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

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Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

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Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book explains attachment styles secure, anxious, and avoidant and how they influence the way we approach dating and relationships. Understanding your attachment style can completely change how you communicate, respond to conflict, and choose partners.

I think this is a great resource for our Successful Dating Handbook because it focuses on self-awareness rather than just “dating strategies.” Instead of teaching people how to impress someone or play games, it helps you understand your emotional patterns and why you might be attracted to certain types of partners. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may overthink texts or fear rejection, while someone with an avoidant style may struggle with vulnerability or commitment. Recognizing these patterns can help people make healthier choices and avoid repeating toxic cycles.

Another reason this resource stands out is that it offers practical advice. It gives clear examples of healthy communication, how to identify red flags early, and how to determine if someone is emotionally available. It also emphasizes the importance of secure relationships ones built on consistency, honesty, and emotional safety.

I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to date more confidently because confidence often comes from understanding yourself.

contributed by: Ekema Martin k

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Foreigners dating abroad, and even here in the United States is extremely culture dependent. It can change the ways it is navigated and handled. This video explores that in a tongue-in-cheek way. There are similarities and then there are also differences! Contributed by: Charles Emmons-Haney

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Foreigners share their gay dating experiences in Japan | Shinjuku 2-chome street interview

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This book goes into attachment theory. About how the different attachment styles show up in our relationships. I like this one because. it addresses attachment theory in consensual non-monogamy. It gives insight on how to address trauma and tools to navigate relationships with multiple partners.

Contributed by: Gene Edmond

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A good book for anyone

This is a great book for understanding adult attachment theory. The author is not stuck in the monogamy paradigm and is more thorough in describing the theories relating to attachment. This book is not heavy on detailing all of the research around attachment. Instead, it is more focused on the application of the theories in ways that enhance your understanding of self and how the self responds and reacts to relationships based on attachment styles. I would recommend it to a...more

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A good book for anyone This is a great book for understanding adult attachment theory. The author is not stuck in the monogamy paradigm and is more thorough in describing the theories relating to attachment. This book is not heavy on detailing all of the research around attachment.

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The resource I recommend is Boobs, Boys, and High Heels: Or How to Get Dressed in Just Under Six Hours by Dianne Brill. In Chapter 1, “Meeting Great Guys,” and Chapter 2, “Dating, Romancing, and Seducing,” Brill shares playful but surprisingly practical advice about confidence, presentation, and how to approach dating with humor. This light-hearted book—written by the queen of 90’s New York nightlife—was actually my roadmap to romance when I first moved to New York 30 years ago.

What makes it especially fun to revisit is that it was written before internet dating. Brill talks about meeting people the old-fashioned way: striking up conversations in elevators, chatting with someone at the dry cleaners, or even responding to personal ads in the newspaper classified section. It’s charming and a great reminder of how dating used to happen in real life.

Chapter 2 then walks readers through phone etiquette, first-date do’s and don’ts, and how to figure out whether someone is a “gem” worth keeping around—or just trash to toss. It’s witty, empowering, and still surprisingly relevant for building confidence in dating today.

Contributed by: Aaron Caramanis

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UPenn’s: Authentic Happiness - Integrity Defined 

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UPenn’s: Authentic Happiness - Integrity Defined 

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This brief, academically sourced reading on Integrity is an excellent way to explore what authenticity, values, and honesty mean to you individually. The reading provides valuable insight that parallel’s our discussion on honest presentation of our personalities, motivations, and preferences: “integrity goes beyond speaking the truth to include taking responsibility for how one thinks and feels and what one does.  It includes the genuine presentation of oneself to others (being sincere) as well as the internal sense that one is a morally coherent being.” Reading this article supplements notions of not only seeking honesty, clarity, and transparency in dating but rather exhibiting these traits through our own actions as their align with our personalities and desired outcomes - Nhe'ghasi Ajani Cook

https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletters/authentichappinesscoaching/integrity

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As relatively recent Drag Race fan I am late to this advice from RuPaul but it is something I think about almost weekly. You have to be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself and your life before you can give love to anyone else.

Submitted by: Ryan Kroeger

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PinkNews | Latest lesbian, gay, bi and trans news | LGBTQ+ news

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RuPaul explains iconic Drag Race phrase ‘If you can’t love yourself...’

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RuPaul has explained the RuPaul’s Drag Race phrase, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

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I like to browse meetup.com for groups and activities. This is a good way to grow your social network. The groups are not necessarily oriented to dating, but I find that getting to know others in a non-dating setting can lead to lasting relationships --even romantic ones --down the line.

-Jerry Benzl

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Find Meetup events so you can do more of what matters to you. Or create your own group and meet people near you who share your interests.

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Gay Relationship Green Flags: Therapist Shares 5 Tips for Gay Men

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I like the different perspective presented in this video on where to look for potential partners and dates. Tip #5 Joy List is my favorite (starting at 10:46). Contributed by: Thorsten Anderson

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Dating For Older Gay Men: 5 Secrets You Need To Know

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I have spent a great deal of time on CCSF's campus getting to know how the school operates and functions outside of classwork. I have learned what resource centers are and what they do. What clubs there are, and which ones are my favorite. What is ASCO and why student government is a great way to network. I have also taken work positions in a few different areas of business for the college. For example, I am a student worker in Registration, Outreach, and the Library. I participate in all these areas of the college to network, get to know people, help people in need, and exist within a level of curiosity. Since I started here, I have met wonderful people. And before I forget, I have met some super cool people at the QRC (Queer Resource Center) at City College. Guys of all ages hang out there. Mostly guys in their 20's and early 30's, yet still a great place to meet someone.

Contributed by: Kelvin Eckman

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1. Know Yourself First

Understand your values, interests, and deal breakers.

Be honest about what you can offer in a relationship and what you expect.

2. Communication is Key

Practice active listening and open, respectful dialogue.

Express your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries clearly.

3. Build Emotional Intelligence

Be mindful of your partner’s emotions.

Learn to manage conflict calmly and constructively.

4. Respect and Trust

Treat your partner with respect at all times.

Trust is built over time—avoid unnecessary jealousy or assumptions.

5. Shared Values and Growth

Look for compatibility in core values, lifestyle choices, and goals.

Encourage each other’s growth and challenge one another in positive ways.

6. Healthy Boundaries

Know your limits and communicate them clearly.

Respect your partner’s boundaries as well.

7. Self-Care

Maintain your hobbies, friendships, and independence.

A healthy relationship thrives when both partners are fulfilled individually.

8. Patience and Realism

Understand that relationships are works in progress.

Avoid rushing; let trust and intimacy develop naturally.

9. Red Flags & Deal Breakers

Be aware of unhealthy behaviors: addiction, disrespect, manipulation.

Have a clear list of what’s unacceptable for you.

10. Fun & Positivity

Enjoy each other’s company and make time for shared experiences.

Humor and kindness go a long way in sustaining a relationship.