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My response has disappeared but its back!

I do not find that technology harming my fiance and mine's romance. Except for when he has to show me the seventh Barstool video on Instagram... that can become annoying. My fiance and I know the balance that we have with each other's company versus leave me alone with my phone. I do find that we use our phones less and can be compared to 90 year old people when it comes to our technology habits around our peers. Tyler and I are the ones not having our phones attached to our hips around company and not needing to have it to have a discussion.

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When I read this part, I was truly able to rethink how technology has changed this romantic part of our lives. People now don’t really have the need to take time to introduce themselves and get to know others because everything that you might need to know in order to know if you’ll like someone is on their profile page. No one needs to really feel the guilt of rejecting someone either because the other person will not know who has “swiped on them”. I am glad that my boyfriend is actually not into social media at all that he truly appreciates the conversations we have face to face. He does not feel the need to put our relationship online to “make it official”. I appreciated this about him and learning more about myself as a lover because I am the opposite- I feel the need to post on social media to receive my friends’ approval and “likes” of things that are going on in my life.

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Friendships also have changed a lot through the usage of technology. I often remember people not by names but their Instagram usernames and it actually bothers me a lot that I am unable to identify these people without their internet identities anymore. A lot of friendship is now defined by how we have defined ourselves and relationships in the online world. Many people might also be active and friendly online but when you meet them in real life, they might not be that person either.

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Technology has now impacted our lives of communicating with our family members in various ways. Now, rather than having face to face communications, we are limited to our phones more and even when we are having face to face communications, we cannot 100% merge ourselves into the conversation because if our phone vibrates, our minds will now be occupied with the thought of the message that has potentially come through through our phones. Turkle gives multiple examples of family members whose parents would quickly refer to their phone to reference something, and to make sure it’s true, which does not allow true conversation to flourish. Turkle also mentions another point of view as well. That now, it is possible for people to have conversations with their family members if they live apart from each other through the usage of FaceTime or google hangout.

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This part of the reading made me think a lot, in a positive and negative way.

Technology has made it possible for me to be connected with my 3 best friends at all time. We have a group chat that we texted into every single day. It is filled with day to day drama, memes, gifs.. there are always many different conversations going at a time. My three friends and I do not work together or live near each other anymore - but I feel closer to them than I ever have because of this digital connection.

However, when Turkle (2015) mentioned how "when you are with your friends in person, you will also want to be on your phone, texting them and other friends. This parallel set of commitments doesn't leave much space for 'real time conversation", it hit me like a ton of bricks because I realized that many times, I have been pulled away from conversations I was having with peers in the moment to respond to the group chat. In the moment, I didn't think anything of it - it was a quick text message response. But now I'm realizing how I diminished the conversations that were happening in real time.

I highlighted this quote, "Just as you can make a friend feel invisible by going to your phone, you can make that same friend feel more important by not going to your phone" (Turkle, 2015) and want to constantly revisit it to remind myself to be more in the moment with peers and not let my group chat pull me away.

References
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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This part of the reading made me grateful that I met my husband when social media was not as prominent as it is in our lives and dating applications did not exist. When I met my husband, people still talked on their phones and the smart phones were just becoming a "thing". Reading the text, I could see how technology diminished our experiences with romance. I was shocked to read about how dating applications had created this culture of "nexting". People can make so connections and never want to settle - because they always have in the back of their mind that there can be a better match out there. It shocked me to read about individuals going on dates and checking to see if any one else had "matched" with them and if there was a better connection out there. This diminishes the romance in our lives because instead of people making a complete connection with someone when they are out in a date - they are almost one foot in, one foot out. I can't imagine going out on dates now and wondering if the person I was with was really connecting with me, or wondering if they had matched with someone better in the time we were together.

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Technology diminishes our experience with conversation as a family. When I go out to dinner these days, I am appalled how many families put a device in front of their child's face to distract them. A family could sit in complete silence for practically the whole dinner. Every now then, a sentence or two may be exchanged, but kids will be completely hypnotized by their screens and shoveling food in their mouths. Now, I have two toddlers myself, so I completely understand how much of a pain it is to take them out to dinner and keep them entertained while waiting for food - but in those long moments, I get to talk to them about their day at school, we get to color the kids menu (working on fine motor skills!) and practice good listening skills. It would be so much easier (and less test of my patience) to turn on Disney Plus on my phone and hand it to my kids, but I'm realizing through reading this text that my children's development really depends on what they are seeing and hearing at home or when we are out to dinner. Turkle (2015) mentioned, "If we don't look at our children and engage with them in conversation, it is not suprising if they grow up awkward and withdrawn and anxious about talk". By taking the time to model conversations and develop social skills, I am helping my children become able to speak to one another and emphasize with people. Families who don't connect and instead escape to devices are avoiding difficult conversations, not getting a chance to share wisdom and experiences and not being in the moment with each other.

References
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I think in regards to romance, technology, and conversations there is no way to say it definitely has a positive impact, or definitely has a negative impact. I think it can definitely increase insecurity in relationships, in a "I am always competing for your attention" way. Turkle (2015) describes using technology for conversations as a way to give just the right amount of yourself. When I read this, I quickly agreed, in a way that I can put my best foot forward. I then realized how dangerous and inauthentic this is long-term. How could I possibly participate in a long term relationship if my partner has only seen the "best" of me, or the parts I want him to see. However, I don't think this practice of showing just the right amount of one's self can be strictly blamed on technology, but it definitely is facilitated by technology.

Overall, for all 3 "two chairs" I think a balance is necessary and some technology can be beneficial to furthering relationships.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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This section of reading really got to me, and resulted in a lot of reflection both internally and in how others interact with me. I never truly realized how disengaged I could be with friends even if I was simply "just checking a text." I began to question how I may have made people feel in the past or if certain friends avoided having more serious conversations with me because I was only partly connected to our conversation. Since reading, I have tried to remain more fully present with my friends, which has made me realize how much we tend to spend on technology. I too began feeling upset when I felt like I was competing or sharing attention with whomever my friend was texting/tweeting/DMing/etc... On page 172 Turkle (2015) says it best "when we have our phones with us, we don't consider that...we have compromised our face-to-face conversations." We are constantly telling someone whoever is on the other end of this text is more important, a higher priority than you.

As I shared in the family section, at times technology can aide in continuing relationships, but I think the line I am now drawing is "Is it affecting the conversation with the person/people I am actually with?" and actually self reflecting on how they may feel seeing me check my phone regularly.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I come from a  family with a strict no phone at the dinner table policy. A rule that has only been broken maybe 5 times in recent memory. I used to despise this rule as a teenager, because obviously this would RUIN my ever important social life. But I came to appreciate that family time, uninterrupted and sacred. What I found most interesting in Turkle's (2015) discussion of family was how people felt that technology aided to more enriched conversations by adding factual details, or recounting events. This is something I have definitely experienced within my family. I was intrigued by the perspective that this made people seem more "in and out" of conversation and put an emphasis on being right instead of being present. I never realized how a simple interruption can change the tone of the conversation. I do think at times technology can enhance family interactions, for example my sister was able to sing happy birthday to my dad on his birthday from her college in Vermont.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I met my now boyfriend in high school, and when we went to college we were able to keep in contact through Facebook messenger and texting. After college we officially started dating and we had opposite work schedules so when we couldn't see each other we would talk on the phone and send messages. I think being able to have those chats enabled our relationship to grow.
Sometimes I feel that phones and TV get in the way of having conversations, so when we walk our dogs it is a "technology free" time to talk about our day.
I know a lot of people who have used dating apps, and as with many things there are stories of good experiences and bad ones. I think it takes a lot of courage to strike up a conversation online with someone you have not met, and even more so to agree to meet that person in person. It seems that the dating world is more complicated with the use of technology and all the choices that are available.

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Personally, technology has had a positive impact on my conversations with friends. For example, a friend is planning her wedding and we have multiple group chats we use to share ideas and information about the event. The bride is able to ask her friends for advice during the planning process even though she lives far away. I was able to be a part of her choosing a dress through FaceTime. When everyone lives in a different state, it is nice to be connected with technology.
I don't post much on social media, but I can see how it can affect people's friendships. Turkle says on page 146 that we are "tempted to measure ourselves against what other people are doing". This could lead to a strain in a friendship if you constantly see your friend out doing stuff and posting it on social media and you didn't get an invite.
I like the quote on page 175 that defines a true friend as someone you can be crazy and spontaneous with, who doesn't expect you to be perfect all the time. I think many friendships are lacking this quality, and without having random face-to-face conversations with friends, we do not have the chance to form those deeper relationships with people.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I am going to put a positive spin on this answer. I believe that technology has helped with my conversations that I have with my friends. I have a group of 10 friends that I still talk to everyday due to the fact that when all of us went to different colleges, technology kept our conversations going. We would Snapchat, text and talk multiple times throughout the week. If it wasn't for this digital conversation, I do not think we would be as close as we are today.

Technology gives people a place to reach out to people they need, even when that cannot be in person.

Yes, Turkle makes a point when he states that people are focused on what they share on social media in order to create a certain image of themselves (Turkle, 2015) but my friends shared themselves and their lives is a honest way.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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As said in by Turkle (2015, pg. 10), "we are constantly feeling the pull to always check our phone in order to stay current with those aspects of our lives". This I find when family members meet during the holidays. This is a disturbing picture of family who doesn't get to be in person a lot and yet all the children are on iPads as adults are posting how much they love being with family. Are they really "with family" if they are too busy posting it on their Facebook pages for everyone else to see that we are socializing. Technology has a negative impact on our socializing skills with family. Since they are family, they have to love you regardless if you speak with them or not, making it easier to turn to technology.

Yes, it is a positive thing in being able to update family that is far away with the powers of social media but it does more harm in conversations than good.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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The negative effects of technology in today's family is the lack of conversations, especially those dinner time conversations that I was used to growing up. We would also eat dinner together(without technology) and I think that had a positive impact on my brothers' and my social skills. I connected with Turkle's quote about when children had to sit at the "kids table" at family gatherings and we would strain to hear the adult's conversations. We always wanted to hear their stories about when they were growing up. Today's families have to struggle with the use of technology at the dinner table and they have to compete for their child or their parents' attention. So many times now when I go out to eat I see families with their phones and kids watching something on a tablet and no conversation is going on. This is leading to the lack of social skills in the younger generation. Turkle mentions that skills like eye contact and turn-taking need to be modeled and learned, and in the classroom I see the lack of these skills. It makes me sad that today's children are not getting that time to learn about their parents and to learn about the world through their perspectives.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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The running joke my wife and I have is that we met online. We technically did, but not in the same sense as today. Before headed to college in 2010, that summer their was a Facebook page created for all incoming freshman. We did meet on that page and skyped a few times, but we created our true relationship over the next few years spent in college. We discuss often how we are happy and blessed that we met in college and never had to experience the whole dating app world. We have friends that are single and do use the apps and we have no advise for them, but I can tell them make sure you show your true self not what you think people want to see about you.
Technology has step in the romantic aspect of life, to try and help people not have to experience the rejection aspect of relationship building. From the Book a person named Liam discusses how using Tender allows him to know at a party who is "worth pursing" because the app already lets you now who has expressed romantic interest in you. Liam discusses when he goes out he always feels as though there is abundance of romantic choices for him thanks to Tinder. This may seem like a positive but a problem with abundant choices is that its makes it hard to choose.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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Technology can cause people believe everything they say has to be correct and sound right. The problem with this is that we are losing the authenticity of true friendships. People read over what they post, text, email, or tweet multiple times to make sure they are saying the "correct" thing. This cause people lose the ability to have face to face conversations. People are afraid if they speak in person or over the phone they could possibly say something that does they have not had a chance to review in writing. It leaves them vulnerable to the possibility of not saying the "correct" thing. To me that makes the relationship authentic.
Technology is amazing, because someone like myself who lives in Baltimore, MD, while all the rest of my family lives in Atlanta, GA, is still able to keep them updated with my life thru social media with out having to call and talk to each family member or friend back in GA. This can also be troublesome as some people's only friends are only those from online. That is not healthy and could lead to trouble. Technology needs to be treated responsibly and when you are with your friends its time to chill and be authentic with them without the filter you have built with technology.

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Technology can be good and evil. If use incorrectly it can cause relationship problems for you. I believe Turkle is spot on with raising your children. There are stories from the book of one daughter who hates that her dad wants to search the website to make sure the know exactly who the director is for a movie, and yet there is another story where the family uses the internet to create deeper and more accurate conversations at dinner. It is important to make sure technology use does not replace emotions parents have for their children. For parents to children there is no even give or take, the parents have to give more and be okay with the fact that their child may not give as much, because they are the child. Technology can be used to help our infant child with learning early skills, but it is still the responsibility of the parent to teach those intrapersonal skills that technology cannot teach.

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I was fortunate to meet my husband through friends in college. So I have never experienced using a dating app even though my friends have used them. I worry that these people my friends are meeting through dating apps and online are not their true selves. You can choose who you want to be online which can be close or far from your true self. Dating apps can also make people feel that something better is out there so you keep searching. Turkle describes how people using social media apps to date keep people looking and searching for their next date and that their attention moves quickly from one conversation to the next (Turkle, 2015).

I do think technology can help jump start relationships and keep them going. You can message each other when apart and keep conversations going when you aren't in person. I found this valuable and fun at the start of my husband and mines relationship.  We had fun conversations that could be continued in person as well.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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What I like about technology is that it keeps friends in touch no matter the distances between. I have two of my best friends in California and Germany and if I didn't have technology it would be harder to keep in touch with them. Sure I still send them cards and letters but technology allows use to communicate more quickly and more often. Technology positively impacts conversation that way. However in college I was friends with a group of girls that constantly had to post on social media about what they were doing. They always had FOMO as well. I always thought it was kind of silly how they acted and even when we were together, my phone would be away but they would be going through their social media apps. Those conversations we had mostly focused on what was on their phones or showing pictures. Turkle describes how young people are focused on what they share on social media in order to create a certain image of themselves (Turkle, 2015).  I can see this in that group of friends I used to have! The friends I still keep in touch with know when to put a phone away. When we are all together, we have such fun conversations and experiences without our phones dictating our conversations.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I think technology has positive and negative effects on family.  I think that technology can bring family members together that are far apart. I like using social media to see what my cousins are up to that live in different states and see how their children are growing up. If I didn't have social media I probably wouldn't see what's happening in their lives until a holiday comes around and when we all get together.

Even though I can see how technology can connect families that are far away, it can also separate families living in the same house. I have seen in my family how some relatives are choosing technology over their children. I have seen ipads given to young children in my family to keep them quiet during dinners and family time. This gives the parents a break to talk and socialize but it keeps the children from socializing as well.  I have seen relatives play on their phones while we all sit around and talk while other people watch their children. I can see how these relatives are trying to get some peace and quiet but I know it is impacting their children's conversations and interactions. I agree with Turkle as she described how technology can take people away to different worlds with more engagement (Turkle, 2015). I can see my relatives escaping into other worlds and their children as well when they are watching videos on ipads.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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Technology was a big factor in getting to know my wife. We spent an entire semester using AIM to chat (we went to different colleges), and it was this time that allowed us to get to know each other without having anything to distract from that. We didn't go to movies or other "date" activities, because we just weren't in the same place. So we talked. By the time we were able to actually be together, we already had a strong foundation to build on. 15 years later, we're still doing just fine.

However, this was before the real advent of online dating. With apps like Tinder being so common now, I wonder what sort of effect it has on people who are still in the dating scene. Turkle cites a study by psychologists David Myers and Robert Lane in which they find that too much choice actually causes depression  and feelings of loneliness. I think that is what Tinder and other dating apps can and are doing to people. If you fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend, it's so easy to just open the app and see what else is out there. You have much less reason to try and work through it--why work when you can just move on?

As my children are growing up, I am already thinking about these things and how I'll try to help them navigate this without isolating themselves from the dating world at large. It's a tough call, and I think Turkle is right for being concerned.

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It was in this section of the book that I agreed most with Turkle and her arguments. I think technology has damaged friendships in so many ways, and I think we're still learning just how bad it is.

The absolute infiltration of the internet and social media have given children this false sense of invincibility and lack of accountability. In one example from the book, a principal finds that a student does not see anything done online as actually meaning anything. She does not see how her post on Facebook is hurtful, or even that it matters. She sees that post as being directed less at a person and more so at an object, and that her actions are therefore not cruel (p. 166). This is so similar to situations I see every day at my school, and the responses are always similar. To their minds, it doesn't matter anymore what the other person feels. I believe that is because they no longer see the other person feeling it, and therefore never connect their behavior to the negative consequences of it. Thus, kids are meaner to each other, and they don't develop strong bonds with their peers--how could you be close to somebody who is always mean?

I think it's had a negative impact on adults, too. I've found that I make less effort to get together with friends than I used to, and I think it's because I can just send a text, so that's "basically the same thing." Only it's not. I go for longer stretches without seeing them, or really hearing about their lives, and then when I turn around, we're not really friends anymore. And it doesn't even hurt, because it's been so gradual. I don't know how to solve this problem, but it's one we need to focus on before we lose all sense of connection with the world beyond our families.

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Family dynamics do change quite a bit when technology becomes an integrated part of life. However, I think the changes that happen are not new aspects of the old relationships, but ever-present issues that are exacerbated by the technology. For example, Turkle argues in Reclaiming Conversation (2015) that "sharing parents with laptops and mobile phones is different than sharing parents with an open book or a television or a newspaper" (p. 115). I don't think that's true--I think it's the same, but more apparent and consistent. In all cases, parents who are too engrossed in what they're doing will inevitably ignore their children to some extent. She continues by saying that kids could interrupt their parents when they read the newspaper, but not the cell phone. But yes, they can. It happens more often with cell phones, sure. But to say parents cannot be interrupted when they're on their phones is highly exaggerating the situation.

I also think she is too dismissive of the good that can come from using technology as a part of the conversation and communication. On page 129, Turkle says that by using technology as a way to communicate during an argument "suggests that in real time, it is too hard for you to put yourself in their place and listen with some equanimity to what they are thinking and feeling." The fact that she says this is not wrong--I think it's accurate. but to suggest that it causes damage to suggest that is again a gross over-simplification of what is taking place. Many (probably most) people struggle to keep their emotions in check enough to do those things during an argument. That's why it's so common for people to have to apologize for what they said while in the midst of it. If you are truly using the technology as a tool to help keep yourself from running away with negative, hostile emotions, and you are not just using it to avoid or escape the person, then I think it's a good idea to do so. Do I think some people use it too much, or even exclusively? Yes. Do I think that's good? No. But I don't think it's the majority of people, and I know that I value that opportunity to take a step back, compose myself and my thoughts, and begin what will ultimately be a healthy, meaningful dialogue.

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Technology had nothing to do with how I met my husband, but it did have to do with how we stayed in contact. Meeting my husband back in college was great except we didn't go to the same college or even close we weren't even in the same state. If it wasn't for technology we wouldn't have had any time or many changes to communicate with each other. We relied on our phones to talk with each other and text while in classes. We would not get to distracted by our phones when we did see each other face to face. Fast forward 11 years now technology has changed how we have conversations. Our phones and TV is always in the middle of our conversations. We don't get to just chat and talk like we use to. I know that I also rather have hard conversations via text and not in person. It gives me time to think fully about what I want to say. Turkle (2015) also talks about "the Goldilocks effect." It is all about feeling in control with using technology and not feeling in control when in person (Turkle, 2015, pg. 202). That is exactly how I feel when I text or email, like I have control.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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Friendships are more like Facebook friendships now a days. I feel like I am connected to friends from high school without even saying a word to them. I also feel like I know so much about people's lives that I haven't seen face to face in years. Technology has stopped my real life conversations with most of my friends minus my very best and close friends. We also have a text group and try to meet in person to talk all things relationships and motherhood. When we meet up we usually aren't on our phones because our kids are; watching videos and playing games to keep quiet so we can talk and not be distracted by them. :) Turkle (2015) recalls a conversation she had with a girl named Liz, Liz states "memories don't happen when you get a text. It's the stories you can tell" (Turkle, 2015, pg. 174). This made me think and realize that she is correct. The stories past down to me where not from someone with technology, it was from times families and friends spent together. I want to be able to pass down stories to my children about fun times we had and shared. I do not want to miss out on these memories because I was distracted by my phone or some other technology.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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When it comes to my family I do see how technology has changed our conversations for good and bad. I feel like my immediate family loves to use technology to keep in contact. Since we all all adults with our own spouses and kids we don't see each other as much as we use to when we were kids. We have a family text group and we text almost everyday about any and everything. We also use Facetime a lot so we can talk as well. We have more conversations with technologies help than my parents did with their siblings once they all grew up. As kids I would only talk with my aunts and uncles maybe once a month, but now I can just text them and keep in contact. Now will all this said I do feel that we rely more on texting than actual phone calls and talking. I also find myself lost in my phone with I am face to face with my family and should be spending time and chatting with them.

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I happened to stumble across dating apps when I was 23. I was not looking for anything serious and wanted to see what all the hype was about. I met my now boyfriend online and 5 years later we are going strong. I was the one to initiate the conversation online, because I felt safe and brave. I would probably not have done that if I saw him in person. We owe technology for our relationship because we may have never met if we were not online. The downfall of online dating is that you may not know the real person you are talking to. I met many people on dating apps that talked a good game, but would commit to a date. They may have been able to talk online because they were able to edit their conversations to say the right things at the right time. With texting, you do not have to answer right away, which allows someone to perfect their answer.

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I feel like my friendships have become weaker due to technology. In college, I had a few close friends and we all live in Maryland. We would constantly text/call during breaks and summer and pick back up where we left the next year. After college, jobs happen and life gets busy. With texting being the easiest way to communicate, you would think that friends would do it more often. I also feel like people have more FOMO (fear of missing out) because of what others post on their social media accounts. I am in various group chats with friends, but I often think, do they have more chats without me... are they going to invite me... Turkle (2015) states, "by 2014, the fear of missing out has become a fear of missing anything". We never want to miss our on opportunities with our friends and feel very left out when we are. We are also afraid to have those conversations because we do not want to confront anyone or accuse anyone of anything. It is easier to play it off behind a screen then in real-time.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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Technology has an effect on my family life in different ways. In my home with my boyfriend, he will retreat and play video games or watch sports on his phone or on T.V. almost everyday. It is a challenge (especially during football) to spend uninterrupted time with him. I will often tell him that he needs to put the phone down and be present. With my immediate family and extended family, technology has helped us stay close when distance is an issue. We use video chatting apps on our phones to talk and see each other face-to-face. I feel like those video calls enhance our conversations because we can see the other person and make eye contact as if we were in person.

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Depending on the stress of the work day, some of the conversations my husband and I have at the end of the day are not always lively. He has his cave he likes to go to and decompress (while screaming at the game or gamers) and I play 2048 or Sudoku on my phone. This has us not necessarily engaged with each other but when we are with each other we put the phones away and enjoy each other's company. As we talk about starting a family we don't want the phones to take over our lives or be something we shove into their face to "quiet them". As Turkle notes in a study by Radesky that "adults paid more attention to their phones than to the children" and I hope that I am not one of those parents (Turkle, 2015, p. 108). It's important to have the quality time and be present.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I think how technology impacts friendship now depends on the age group. My core group of friends are 30-35 years old so even though we have been around technology for a good amount of ours lives, we know how to act when with our friends and not be on our phones. We enjoy each other's company and there is no reason to be texting others or scrolling a feed to escape our current situation. Sure, we have a group text or Facebook Messenger group where we share things we're interested in or funny videos, but that is because we all have work, families, and other responsibilities where we can't physically get together. The younger generations don't know how to behave or interact with others without that phone/online barrier. Kids are "missing the skills for 'in-person talk'" because of the role technology has played in their lives (Turkle, 2015, p. 141). Students may say they are "friends" with someone but that's only through their social media platforms. It's scary to think what will happen to them in the next 5 years (teaching high school 9th-12th grade) and wondering if they'll be successful off the web.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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My husband and I are coming up on our 4 year wedding anniversary this June. We met in 2013 through a dating app (more like a website is how I used it) that was called "Meet Me" with the tagline of "Where new friends meet". I was 23 and my older sister had just gotten married and I was feeling like I wasn't meeting anyone as I had moved to Maryland to teach at the start of the school year. A friend of mine suggested different apps and that's when I came across Meet Me. As Turkle states that "it is cliché that love is all about timing" and now it refers to response time to those dating app messages (Turkle, 2015, p.186). I think how my husband and I used the app wasn't the way newer apps are being used so it benefited us and the timing was perfect. For us, the technology benefited us meeting and communicating as we were miles apart (Bel Air to Salisbury). It's unlikely we would have met any other way. I don't know if now I'd want to be part of the dating scene with all the different apps and how much people are stuck "inside" their devices. As in most aspects of life, there are pros and cons to everything and it's about figuring out the right way to utilize the pros.

Reference:
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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I am very thankful to have already been married when online dating became a thing!!  I am not sure I could have handled an app like Tinder, where “dating” is basically like looking through a buffet of people and trying everything until hopefully you find someone where both of you are satisfied with each other and are not still swiping and looking.  I can appreciate Turkle’s (2015) point that with so many options we may feel that there is someone else, perhaps “better” out there, and we have begun to develop a fear of missing out.

Source: Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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“Being with friends” is becoming defined as being online together or simply being in the same physical space together as told through the anecdotes of Turkle (2015).  I definitely believe this to be true and you do not need to look any further than a fairly current commercial, I cannot remember which restaurant, of friends all in the same room texting until one of them suggests via text to go get food.  Also, there is this Cricket cellular commercial, https://youtu.be/SMh3xTyfcTw, from the holidays which also illustrates how people can be together and yet not have a face-to-face conversation.  These commercials are a very good illustration as to how we have become so preoccupied with our phones that we do not appreciate the friends who are in the same physical space as we are.

Source: Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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As discussed in Turkle (2015), so much of our workplace and online social lives are accessible on our phones and we are constantly feeling the pull to always check our phone in order to stay current with those aspects of our lives.  This includes checking our phone during the once sacred “family dinner time.”  Instead of the traditional dinner conversations revolving around, “Who was your day?” or “What did you learn/do in to school today?”, parents and children are beginning to ignore each other and not have face-to-face conversations but instead are reaching for their phones.  Turkle discusses how these interactions are important in the growth and development of young children, “…if young children to not use the parts of their brain activated by conversing with an attentive parent, they will fail to develop the appropriate circuitry” (Turkle, 2015, p.110).  I am very fortunate that my daughter is two and my wife and I currently do not need to struggle with her using her phone at the table, and since neither one of us are very active with social media, our dinner time is still sacred to us.

Source: Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in the digital age. New York: Penguin Press.

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Technology can diminish conversations in families. In my own family the influence of technology, albeit for good purposes, is overwhelming at times. There are evenings when I find that there are tasks that were not quite finished from the days work, assignments for courses that have to be completed, or my daughter’s homework that needs attention to complete extended time on assignments. As the only parent in the house, this means that there is one or more child at a time vying for my attention or their sibling’s when the use of technology is actually being used appropriately. At these times, unlike in many of Turkle’s (2015) examples, I feel the pressure to wait until my kids are in bed to complete these tasks so that I can give them my full attention, however, the fact remains that I am ignoring them. These evenings are hard, the kids are working to get my attention through any means necessary and the work that I am doing suffers as does our family conversation and connection. Turkle (2015) points out, “If young children are not engaged in conversation, they will start out a step behind in their development.” (Turkle, 2015 p. 110) which pushes me to put off the work until after 9 when I can reliably say that my children will be asleep so that I can continue to provide them the connection and support that they need.

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Friendly conversations can be diminished by technology. I have a group of students that I see throughout my day who often occupy the same space during lunch every day. I would typically say hangout together, however, this group interacts through text, Snap, and Insta during lunch rather than through traditional conversation. While high school is a time of heightened emotions, this group has a tendency to fracture and need time to repair itself on an almost weekly basis because someone “said” or posted something that hurt someone else’s feelings. During group discourse activities the dependence on technology is often evident as well. I have begun activities like this over the years in a similar fashion, “now talk with your table group about…”, only now I begin with “silent” technology-based discourse opportunities within the classroom before attempting to initiate verbal interaction. For most of my students, “That’s where you share a self in process. But you share best if you can edit, because you want to share what your friends will find acceptable.” (Turkle, 2015, p. 143). Their struggle to define themselves is hard enough without adding in the idea that someone else may not like what they have to say. After a week, they have begun to move past this hesitancy and will begin, unwillingly at first, to interact with each other in controlled, pre-written response style interactions and I continue building from there. Technology and the ability to show “your best self” to the world has impacted students and their ability to hold conversations “face-to-face” with their peers.

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Romance and conversation are also diminished by technology. With texting occupying our attention and the seemingly endless choice of opportunities, where is the romance? If we are spending all of our time swiping, texting and liking these personas that are put forth in dating apps and through editing for the appropriate sounding text, are we, in fact, conversing at all or are we acting? Without a connection to the partner that we are engaging in conversation with, is there a connection at all? Turkle (2015) writes, “Ironically, our new efficient quests for romance are tied up in behavior that discourages empathy and intimacy.” (Turkle, 2015, p. 180) which begs the question, without these is it really romance?