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A few photos from my time at Bellerbys. All photos are mine :)

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A few photos from my time at Bellerbys. All photos are mine :)

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Chloe, I really love your back round image and photos of Brighton! Your blog is a clear representation of you, as your passion for music and art is clear. I also particularly love the photo of you in a warmer climate.... Makes me want to go on holiday again!
-Saumya

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Hi Chloe!!!
I really like the color scheme you've got going on on your blog. You've also got a good balance of text and images. Don't forget to reference them though!
- Tasha

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My first choice, at the moment is The University of Sussex for a joint philosophy and sociology course. I did go to the applicant day to visit the campus and attended a lecture and 2 seminars to introduce me to the course. I really loved the campus, the greenery and the library (which is open 24/7) is really impressive. I didn't find the lectures or seminars particularly interesting, in fact I did think it was actually all quite boring which actually gives me doubts of whether do want to go study there or not. The people seemed alright- some rather awkward and shy and other quite friendly faces. The students who were volunteering all seemed super nice and were really helpful so that was encouraging.

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Nestled in the South Downs, our campus is a haven of study, sport, food, and fun. Live with us. Learn with us.

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https://i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2013/5/26/1369597630170/Still-from-Blue-is-the-Wa-001.jpg?w=1280&h=720&q=55&auto=format&usm=12&fit=max&s=35eed50babf1f579243229027ca9e145

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Film review: Blue is the warmest colour: SPOILERS AHEAD!

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Film review: Blue is the warmest colour: SPOILERS AHEAD!

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Blue is the warmest colour is a  French coming of age- LGBT romantic drama starring that focuses on Adele- a teenager finishing off her schooling in her final year of literature - who falls for a magnetic, beautiful lesbian artist in her third year called Emma.
This movie is not only phenomenal as a film in its own right ( unanimously winning the Palme D'or  at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival) but also really special to me personally.

As part of the LGBT community myself, representation is something that makes me very glad, especially being half French, watching this 3 hour film in my mother tongue was such an amazing feeling- i felt like i could really relate a lot to Adele's struggle as a young woman exploring her sexuality. The movie is made in such a way in which it completely immerses and encapsulates the audience, i felt as though i was really living with them ( LOL I WISH) and experiencing all the heartbreaks, trials and tribulations they faced in their respective journeys.

You see Adele really struggle with her sexuality throughout the film, getting bullied and ostracized for being with a woman by her friends in high school, having to end her relationship with a man as she no longer feels connected to him. The ending is really sad and although it upset me at the beginning, i understand the significance of it. Adele ends up cheating on Emma with a man, and when Emma find out she breaks up with her (obviously) and tells her to leave. After months apart, Adele meets with Emma at a restaurant and cries for her- telling her she still loves her and begging for her to take her back- at this point Emma tells her that it's too late- she's found someone new.
The film ends with Adele visiting Emma's art exhibition and meeting her new lover- after which she leaves and the movie closes with her walking away .

What's so refreshing about this and the movie as a whole is the level of honesty, rawness and intensity that is presented. It really portrays the reality of relationships ( and lesbian relationships- which is so important for people to be exposed to ). It isn't a happy go lucky narrative where they fall in love, adopt some kids and live happily ever after. Their conversations are so natural- sometimes awkward, a little strained. Adele is shy- she's ordinary. Their relationship isn't rosy- Adele loses her friends, has to lie to her family about dating a woman and in the end ends up losing the person she loved the most in the world. Heartbreaking yes- but also the most honest depiction of how human relationships actually occur and develop. We see the characters go through moments of heartbreak, jealousy, boredom, apathy, confusion, loneliness as well as grow into their own people. Adele goes from a teenager to a woman, Emma graduates- struggles with her career as an artist- heck even changes her hair again! And finally we see them lose each other , but it's okay because we also saw them love each other so deeply when the time was right- and then find themselves in the process.

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Studying in Sussex library with you on the weekends
-Ghita

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piece of art at my favorite cafe on London Road, just a bit of truth is all.

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When i first arrived to the UK, it was exactly how i remembered it to be- cold and wet. I came off a long flight (with a full body ache and a hungry tummy) and the first thing i did was cry because I missed my family and i remembered that I didn't clean my room before leaving and it was a mess and smelt funny. My first impression ( at the beginning- not this term) was really positive. I visited Brighton a couple of times a few years ago and the city really appealed to me. The liberal attitude and the open and diverse community was something that attracted me. I wanted to be somewhere where i felt i could be free and i was happy when i got here because it seemed like the place.

I have already applied to study a joint degree combining Sociology and Psychology- I think it will be an interesting subject area and I'm looking forward to exploring these subjects in more depth as they just seem personally very interesting and up my alley in terms of what i enjoy studying and what I am good at. As for the future: I am uncertain. I don't have a particular career in mind so I guess I'm just going to keep going up a road i find worthwhile and see where that takes me. However, i do see myself in working in the spiritual field as a yoga teacher / tarot reader and jobs in the realm of intuitive work. I love writing too and would enjoy a career that includes self expression through written ( and spoken) word. I would like to publish poetry compilations sometime soon and do something creative and original throughout my lifetime.

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Due to the fact that English is my first language, and also an area that i excelled in academically throughout secondary education, the English Skills course is something that i find quite boring to be completely honest. Thank the heavens for Carl!

The teacher that i have makes the classes enjoyable, however in terms of the actual content, it is monotonous. I studied English Language and English Literature at IGCSE level and that was very different. There was more room for personal expression and opinion. There were also tasks on creative writing which i really enjoyed as creativity is something that is very important to me and to be able to express that in an academic environment is encouraging. There was also a lot of poetry analysis and dissection of plays and novels which i enjoyed, although some poems were not particularly interesting ( I mean- try analysis a 3 page poem on a fish and tell me how stimulated you feel ).

In the end though, i got 2 A*s which was encouraging. In regards to the English here, I can't really complain too much because it's designed as a foreign language course. Personally i find the content is quite dry and repetitive. I enjoy the classes though, because they are well taught and i am lucky to have an amazing teacher.

Last edited: Friday, 2 February 2018, 10:10 AM (222 words)

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Within Psychology, the two main modules I'm studying are Memory and aggression (none of which i find particularly interesting) and in sociology; Media and globalization. The subjects are different in terms of the areas in which they focus on. Psychology is more a science of the brain and how the mind interacts and interprets the environment through neurological functions, whereas sociology is more of a study of society and how humans act and interact on a social level.

What i have learnt so far is that i actually don't enjoy studying, absorbing dry hard facts and memorizing and regurgitating information. It isn’t enjoyable or even challenging or stimulating. I also discovered that I'm lazy (just kidding- i already knew that). I have faced challenges in terms of people and finding my feet / people i can actually trust, but things are looking up, just by being more intelligent and selective. I have also had challenges in terms of actually being on time and attending lessons due to personal issues and just issues with the BUS ( those things are frustrating and slow and overpriced ;) lol just saying ) .

In terms of my ideas and opinions, they've mostly strengthened in terms Marxism and feminism and how i perceive and support these ideas, as in sociology we cover them in more depth which gives me more theoretical knowledge and supporting evidence to argue my points and ideas. I've enjoyed being in my classes (sometimes). I’m quite happy the term is coming to an end and that I’m moving on to a new chapter in my life but there’s still a lot of uncertainty on whether or not I’m making the right decision to go to university. I just don’t know if it’s really right for me and whether it makes sense to spend so much time, money and effort studying a 3 year course that I question is really going to amount to anything once I leave the institution.

I guess my experience at Bellerby’s has not been great so far. I feel like I don’t really fit in anywhere here- which is okay I don’t really want to be a part of a mould but at the same time I haven’t really been able to forge deep relationships with people that have the same interest as me and I know that will probably change at university but honestly I feel like I would be capable of so much more on my own accord. There are so many things in my life that I want to do that I haven’t done and I know uni will be probably be fun, but will it be much more than that? I don’t know? Maybe. I guess I just don’t really like the academic environment much at all. I find it sterile and cold, boring and difficult to relate to. I know deep down that I’m not really on the right path for me but I guess I just don’t know how to get off or what to do with myself once I do. I suppose I need support and guidance right now but I have yet to find someone with whom to seek these things from.

I’m also worried about my mental health when it comes to further education. This year has been rough so far, although I’ve managed not to relapse into my more serious illnesses, anxiety and depression has been difficult. I was having panic attacks at the start of term but that eased up but emotionally it is very tough sometimes. In the first term there were classes that I couldn’t actually be in because the topics surrounding the subjects were triggering me very intensely and making me very distressed and upset. Studying psychology and sociology are both very tricky topics as a lot of things discussed simply hit too close to home for me but throughout the term I guess I’ve managed to cope and sit through class and try to depersonalize the content in order to get through it from an academic stand point.

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The last time that I was in academia was almost 2 years ago so my evaluation may not be entirely accurate, however there are key points that I do remember quite accurately.

The teaching styles are not dissimilar, however there is a lot more technological interaction at Bellerby's, which can be conveniant and rather progressive but also strains my eyes and gives me a headache when exposed to it for long periods of time ( as well as heavy artifical lighting which makes me feel sick and is everywhere).

The workload is definitely more challenging as well due to the nature of the intensive course to the point where it becomes quite challenging how many different things are expected to be achieved in such a short amount of time. I wouldn't say i find it unmanageable but it's certainly difficult having to balance my life around such a hectic amount of work and i often find myself running around like a little rat trying to keep on top of all the different things that are expected of me. I would have liked more free time for hobbies and socializing but at the moment it's not really possible.

Friendship wise is alright. I definitely miss my friends from other parts of the world although I have met some cool people here too.

The class I'm in is definitely quite large for my liking. Sometimes i do find that it gets stuffy and it makes it hard for me to concentrate, in my previous school we had as little as 4 people in some classes which i really liked.

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Due to the fact that English is my first language, and also an area that i excelled in academically throughout secondary education, the English Skills course is something that i find quite boring to be completely honest. Thank the heavens for Carl!

The teacher that i have makes the classes enjoyable, however in terms of the actual content, it is monotonous. I studied English Language and English Literature at IGCSE level and that was very different. There was more room for personal expression and opinion. There were also tasks on creative writing which i really enjoyed as creativity is something that is very important to me and to be able to express that in an academic environment is encouraging. There was also a lot of poetry analysis and dissection of plays and novels which i enjoyed, although some poems were not particularly interesting ( I mean- try analysis a 3 page poem on a fish and tell me how stimulated you feel ).

In the end though, i got 2 A*s which was encouraging. In regards to the English here, I can't really complain too much because it's designed as a foreign language course. Personally i find the content is quite dry and repetitive. I enjoy the classes though, because they are well taught and i am lucky to have an amazing teacher.

Last edited: Friday, 2 February 2018, 10:10 AM (222 words)

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I made the decision to study a Humanities Foundation programme, which includes psychology and sociology and a compulsory English skills subject. I decided to study this course as I studied sociology previously and absolutely loved it, as well as managed to do really well. Psychology also really interested me as a general field of study (although I do find the current subject slightly too scientific and rigid for my liking) as mental illness (or as they say, psychopathology- lol ) and awareness and treatment of it is something that I find extremely important in the world we live in today.

Last academic term, I really enjoyed the content of my courses. Admittedly I am slightly behind this term and find the content of my psychology course in particular, quite uninteresting ( memory system- seriously not the most invigorating thing you can imagine). Sociology is always a pleasure to learn about as it's so applicable to so many modern issues we face ( I absolutely love smashing the patriarchy ).

Media (sociology) is an interesting topic to learn ( although having to memorize the names of all the sociologists involved with the study is rather draining and dare I say- unnecessary? ). However it's good to know about how the media industry actually operates and it completely confirms all my conspiracy theories which is extremely satisfying on a personal level I definitely need to learn more about psychology as I have been absent quite a bit ( I blame the weather and also my general distaste for monotony - but let's leave that aside for now)

The teaching style is great and mostly works for me, sometimes it is a bit rushed ( looking at you Ms Witherby ). I would like more discussion- probably because I like the sound of my own voice too much. Lastly, sometimes I can't help but think- do we seriously need so many handouts, but at the same time I feel off when I spend the whole lesson watching a video. Other than that I am more or less satisfied with the current state of affairs.

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Julian Casablanca's lyrical relevance (to me)

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Julian Casablanca's lyrical relevance (to me)

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The Strokes have been my favorite band since i was 15. At the time, i loved them because their music really resonated with the way i felt inside (empty and dead inside lol) . I couldn't really understand what exactly Julian ( the lead singer - also the most gorgeous man btw ) was going on about, because his singing style involved a lot of grunting and slurring- which I'm completely okay with, just had no idea what he was saying at the time .Recently however, after watching the most phenomenal video called Human Sadness, i started re-listening to all their album again and although my taste in music has evolved and changed- i still dig them.

; An egg to fertilize
A pulse to stabilize
A body to deodorize
A life to scrutinize
A child to criticize
Young adults to modernize
Citizens to terrorize
Generations to desensitize

This is the machinery of modern society. In one of Julian's new songs 'Dare I Care' he sings' Welcome to the jewel of the modified west' (sarcasm) .

Why i chose this song as an extract was firstly - it was the song that i had just listened to so i was thinking about it oops, but more importantly i think it's telling to the current cultural human condition. Losing our creativity and passion through a series of indoctrination we call civilization ;
a society where order and conformity is more valued than progress and originality, where we have lost touch with fundamental human essence, which is love and unity and honestly a bit of chaos ;)  and instead bred generations of walking corpses that do exactly the same thing every day, year after year and call it a life. A life to aspire to in fact. In my limited ( and perhaps pessimistic point of view) we seem to be trapped in a perpetual cycle of violence and despair without even realizing what the hell we are doing. Just turn on the news- you'll understand what I'm talking about.

How disappointed would D.I.D.I.P.P. be
To see such our power in our hands all wasted on greed?

By D.I.D.I.P.P, Julian means D.(ead) I.(dealistic) D.(esperate) I.(inventor) P.(ioneer) P.(hilosophers). We have forgotten to create, to dream, to love, to help. We are more interested in new shoes and iphones and who wore it better. Football games ( 'Where citites come to hate eachother in the name of war' - another Julian quote from his song ' 11th dimension'.)

I could go on for ages but there's not enough space in this blog and i also want to write about other things i find important.  SO there's my little admiration post. Hope it wasn't too painful xx