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Support Networks are important and as teachers we often suffer in silence.  Sometimes we have a great support group of other teachers and sometimes we do not.  Through another of the classes that I have taken through my masters program, Creativity in Education, I have had the chance to discover more about my artistic side.  I have always considered myself creative and artistic but not in the traditional sense.  I knit and design knitting patterns.  I invent and construct through yarn.  It is complex process of finding just the right places for curves and grooves, openings, and shapes.  My imagination begins the process and my hands bring the concept to life.  It's a rewarding and soul satisfying process that is difficult for others to understand since most people view knitting as a 'craft' and not an art.  The creativity in education class has taught me a lot about the many elements of art as well as using my creativity and imagination in different ways and accepting that, like my teaching, my art doesn't need to be perfect.  I have thoroughly enjoyed expressing my thoughts, questions, and feelings in the form of this on-line journal and I plan to integrate both journaling and art creation into my teaching practice.  Journaling and creating art are valuable ways to release, express, and work through issues.  By setting the example for my students, I hope to encourage the same use of words, and art to help them to navigate life's challenges in a way that feels right for them.

When we can merge our interests, our passions, and our personalities, we become much more invested in the outcome. This can leave us open and vulnerable to criticism and hurt but in teaching this seems to be the chance we need to take in order to truly connect with students and make a difference. I endeavor to struggle through the challenges of self-discovery in teaching and find a path that leads to feeling accomplishment, satisfaction and happiness by using art, self-reflection, and a flexible but nurturing mind-set.

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I am so grateful to have been able to take this class.  I have learned an immense amount about authenticity and self-acceptance.  I know that going forward, one of my greatest challenges is to adapt a growth mind-set and change my own negative and undermining thought patterns.  I need to do this both on a personal and professional level.

Through reflection on the readings from the course, as well as the observations and conversation with an authentic teacher, I have come to realize a few very important things.  The first is that we all have natural tendencies and personality traits.  I need to recognize and accept my natural traits while still striving to improve myself and my practice.  There is a fine balance involved in this process of finding your place between comfort and change.   I feel like this is the root of happiness in life and it relates to all aspects of life.  My aunt, to use a true but very sad and tragic example, was extremely wealthy and could have had any material thing she wanted.  She, however, died as a very depressed and lonely person.  She didn't have goals and pushed away those close to her.  She had the 'comfort' area of her life taken care of, but she didn't push herself to change and grow.  Without this element of setting goals and working towards them, I think that most people get bored and life becomes monotonous.
I realize that I need to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses.  I know now that it's ok to be my own true and flawed self, and not a 'perfect' teacher.  However, knowing and putting into practice can sometimes act as two alienating forces that work against each other, so for me the real work will be putting these concepts that I can grasp with my intellectual mind into a daily practice of acceptance and forgiveness that I can comfortably live with and feel proud of.  This is will be my central goal as I move into the next stage of my teaching career.

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March 27, 2017.  Jeannette Collette, Oromocto High School.

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March 27, 2017.  Jeannette Collette, Oromocto High School.

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-She was 'real' with her students.  She told them that she didn't have time to finish preparing the test, so she needed a few minutes to do so at the beginning of class.  This gave them a few minutes to review their notes.  By doing this she showed her students that she's a real human being that isn't always perfect.

-She checked in with her students frequently.  She noticed when someone didn't seem their usual self and asked them, "Are you ok?"

-She was honest with me and with her students.  She told me that she had just come back from stress leave.  I find it incredible that she was still willing to have me come in and observe even though she is obviously going through some challenges herself.

-She chose not to involve herself in the negative teacher talk in the staff room.  She told me later that she doesn't like to get weighed down by negativity so she just ignores it when the other teachers start to talk about negative things.

-She was open to new ideas and ways of teaching but also sceptical.  She has a student teacher and she was very excited to learn from her about integrating critical thinking into social studies and history, but she told me that there are also a lot of trends in education and she has learned from experience that they come and go.  Some are worth integrating but others are not.

-She accepts her uniqueness and embraces her personality and teaching style.  She hates using the textbook and instead prefers to tell 'stories' to teach her students about history.  However, she encouraged her student teacher to find her own way of teaching her lessons.

The most important thing I learned from spending time with this fantastic teacher is that learning what you are comfortable with and what type teacher you are is the essence of loving what you do.  Having the time and the freedom to experiment and discover how to best let your personality shine through your teaching style is the key to job satisfaction.  I have to trust that this is a process that will happen for me.  I need to be patient, open, and brave.

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During one of my supply teaching days at OHS, I noticed a teacher that seemed very authentic.  Even though I was in as her supply teacher, she was doing a workshop in the school's library so she was in and out of her classroom throughout the day and she took the time to show me around, introduce me to her colleagues, invite me to eat lunch with her, etc.  As we walked through the halls I noticed students saying hello to her, asking her how she was doing, where she was going, etc.  She definitely seemed to have a strong rapport with a number of students.  At the end of the day I asked her if I might be able to come back to observe her teaching.  She agreed and I had the opportunity to witness her authenticity in action as well as ask her a few questions regarding her teaching experiences.  Here are a few things I learned during my observation and our subsequent discussion;

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My husband and I, and our 3 girls, Madeleine, Ava, and Isabelle.

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My husband and I, and our 3 girls, Madeleine, Ava, and Isabelle.

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This may sound silly, but one of the things I struggle with is what I wear and how I look.  Since I was last teaching, styles have changed.  I used to wear dress pants to work everyday.  Now, depending on which school I am at, the dress code seems very different, very casual.  A lot of teachers wear tight pants like jeggings, since this is the style now. Some even wear jeans.  Are tight clothes appropriate for school though?  Especially in grades 7 and 8?  This is an aspect of how I see the ideal teacher.  I view a good teacher as being professional looking, neat, stylish, polished.   Since I've been at home with my kids for the last 10 years, both financially and practically, my wardrobe has been a low priority and I certainly wouldn't consider myself polished or stylish most days! Should I care how I appear to others? Although I'd like to think it doesn't matter, I do care what others think of me and a lot of judgement is based on appearances.

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Self as Teacher, Teacher as Self . . . on playing roles

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Self as Teacher, Teacher as Self . . . on playing roles

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I often feel like I am playing a role when I'm in the classroom lately. I know this is because I have been 'out' of the classroom for close to 10 years while I stayed at home with my children.  I'm sure that once I return to teaching on a regular basis, it will come back, but now that I'm reading and thinking about authenticity, I am wondering just how to be a teacher and be authentic at the same time. It has occurred to me that maybe I wasn't actually authentic before, so what I am striving to 'regain', may not be what ideally I should be aiming to achieve. In my first year of teaching, I struggled to find my 'teacher voice'. I am not generally a loud person and I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of a crowd or being the center of attention. So during that first year, (luckily I had a very small, very fantastic class) I had the opportunity to make some mistakes, but I did end up becoming more aggressive, for lack of a better word.  My husband definitely noticed a change.  He noticed that in my personal life I was more opinionated, directive, dominating, and controlling.  He even felt that at times I was condescending.  I hate to write these words since I would never want to treat anyone in a condescending way, whether they are in kindergarten or my spouse.  This is my number one pet peeve that I witness in other teachers.  Nevertheless, this is a journal, so the place for complete honesty, and those were the words my husband used to describe my behaviour.  As I mentioned, I have taken about 10 years to stay at home with my children, having worked part-time for a year when my eldest daughter was a year old and I was expecting my second daughter.  During that year I felt like a lousy teacher and a lousy mother, so I just figured I would concentrate on being the best mom I could for my girls.  Now that my youngest daughter is in kindergarten, it's time to get back in the saddle, as they say.  A part of me has missed teaching, but a part of me dreads returning to such a demanding career.  I am worried and scared that I won't be able to be as good of a teacher as I once was, now that my priorities are different and I have my own children to think about.  I have started doing occasional supply teaching this winter and it has become glaringly obvious that I no longer possess the teacher-like skills that I once used to.   I worry that I will never get back my 'teacher voice', since I seem too soft, easy-going, and overall not 'on top' of the students.  I have reverted to my natural personality, which is quiet, reserved, not imposing.  But I leave the class at the end of the day feeling like I've been walked all over, taken advantage of, and like I let things get out of control (which isn't safe).  I don't like that feeling and yet, I realize that I don't know how to be a teacher who has 'control' but doesn't dominate.  It's important to me to empower my students but I'm realizing that the teacher also needs to have some degree of control.  Being dominating isn't something that comes naturally to me.  It's a role I learned and characteristics that I developed in order to survive as a teacher.  It seems like the only way I know how to teach and feel in control at the same time.  I know some people would say that a teacher doesn't need to be in control.  Yes, I know, I understand the concept, and I agree that a teacher doesn't always have to be dominating the students, but there has to be some basis of control, otherwise the students and the class will be unstructured, disrespectful, etc., wouldn't they?  This is what I see happening when I am in the class as a supply teacher.  I am not providing those rules, that structure, so the students are bending and breaking rules, manipulating, become less respectful to each other and me.  Taking this course and supply teaching at the same time have given me so much to contemplate.  Unfortunately, I suspect that the answers will not come until I have a chance to teach on a regular basis.  Hopefully I can continue to use journalling as a way of working through and find a teaching style that is both authentic to who I am and also allows me to feel comfortable and provide structure and empowerment to my students.

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"The way we see the world and what we come to value is determined in large part by what we have experienced"(J. Apps, 1996, as cited by Cranton, 2001).
As I reflect on all the meaningful and significant experiences of my life I realize that the most impactful of them all was my childhood and how I was raised.  Even though I have a strong desire to change certain aspects of my self image, I can't seem to change my own self-doubt and self-deprecation which is a result of being criticized my whole life.  Even though my mother was always positive and encouraging, supportive and loving, my father's negativity somehow squashed that and covered it up.  Instead of absorbing the positivity and encouragement from my mother and becoming a confident person who doesn't care what others think, I have always been extremely shy, unsure, nervous, concerned about what others think of me . . . I hate it and it drives me crazy.  I tell my children not to value the opinions of mean-hearted people and I try to surround myself with quotes like Dr. Seuss' "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind", but it seems that despite my best efforts, I cannot conquer this beast, this monster inside me that undermines me at every turn.  Is it my anxiety trying to get the better of me?  I have been trained my entire life to criticize and doubt myself--how do I stop now?

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To me, authenticity means being true to yourself.  It doesn't mean accepting that you are who you are so there's no point in changing, but that you have taken the time to think about and reflect about what kind of person you are, what your values are, what is important in your life, and then revisiting and reflecting on these values in relation to how you actually live your life.  It is easy to get caught up in habits of mind, language, and movement, out of necessity and efficiency, so without continual 'check-ins' to correct or reverse these habits, one could find herself living a disconnected, un-passionate, authentic life, as if in a dream.

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I love to design and knit my own patterns

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Etsy :: Your place to buy and sell all things handmade

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