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Brian Phillips, I think the time has come when you can no longer defend your girlfriend Karen ( Marla is fine )  She blames literally everything on you and I- as your best friend for 12 years – can tell she does not make you happy  Not a week has passed since you got together in which she has not broken some sort of boundary and you have defended her. This week she blamed the fact she had to pay full price for another television on your looks whilst she is the one who looks like a toad ( another reason I fail to comprehend your defence of her). Last week instead of apologising for  hitting you in the groin with a shopping bag fill of baked beans ( at least now you can't easily have children with her ) she told you there was a fly and she only did it because she loved you, a similar argument was used back in June when she stole your card –stole it-  and spent most of your money gambling as a ''test of your love''  . I want the best for you and Karen is not doing you any good; think about your future. At the moment you are giving an ignorant and rude pig a heart transplant it doesn’t need whilst you yourself need to get that rash checked out, and I don’t want to see it happen to you. If all you need is a partner, there is a steaming hot Mickel living two doors down the street. Please reconcider.   Love, your friend  

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Brian Phillips, I think the time has come when you can no longer defend your girlfriend Karen ( Marla is fine )  She blames literally everything on you and I- as your best friend for 12 years – can tell she does not make you happy  Not a week has passed since you got together in which she has not broken some sort of boundary and you have defended her. This week she blamed the fact she had to pay full price for another television on your looks whilst she is the one who looks like a toad ( another reason I fail to comprehend your defence of her). Last week instead of apologising for  hitting you in the groin with a shopping bag fill of baked beans ( at least now you can't easily have children with her ) she told you there was a fly and she only did it because she loved you, a similar argument was used back in June when she stole your card –stole it-  and spent most of your money gambling as a ''test of your love''  . I want the best for you and Karen is not doing you any good; think about your future. At the moment you are giving an ignorant and rude pig a heart transplant it doesn’t need whilst you yourself need to get that rash checked out, and I don’t want to see it happen to you. If all you need is a partner, there is a steaming hot Mickel living two doors down the street. Please reconcider.   Love, your friend  

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James you have to move on. Shes not worth your time anymore. Are you blind?! Do you not see the way she acts around other men?! Do you not see where she goes out every night?! Do you not remember when she cheated on you for your cousin?! Do you not remember when she kissed a guy on your date?! The list just doesn't end. If she's been caught doing these actions imagine the stuff shes done we don't about!
You need to call her now and end this, before its to late. I cant see you like this anymore. Shes only with you for your money. There's no more chances she's already had enough. You have to trust me, you have to listen.

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Come on Chloe, you need to end things with Henry. I’ve seen the way he’s been treating you recently. Flirting with other girls, talking about you to his friends. How can’t you tell that’s odd? I know you’ve been thinking about breaking up with him recently, so I’m here to push you to do it. And don’t think that I don’t know what you did last Sunday. You weren’t watching baking cupcakes Chloe, you were binging your favourite rom-com, crying, while stuffing your face with cookie dough ice cream! That’s exactly what you did with your other 12 breakups.  
 
There’s plenty more fish in the sea. And you know that! What about Benjamin? He actually makes you happy. I hate to see you like this, and so do the people around you. So come on, give him up! You are way out of his league, you do know that, right?  
 
He always takes all the attention from you. He is a little selfish twit. I mean, you’ve said it yourself! He can’t help but take your spotlight. Remember that time you were proud of your new art scholar? But then little Henry came in and boasted about his? And he never believes in you, he doesn’t have one bit of hope for you. It disgusts me, and it should disgust you too. Break up with him, Chloe. 

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Hey girl,

Liam is a piece of litter clogging up the drain of your life. Liam is the baby that cries at nothing and permanently has caca in his pants.  He is the last person you want in your life.

Olivia, you don’t want this. You don’t want your life to be dominated by a swatting, gobbling baby.

Take a minute to realise this what you’re getting into. Take a minute to wonder how this is going to pan out for you. And take this final minute to think about he's dragging you into the gutter.

He’s not the right person for you.

Try not to think of him; try to think of you.

This is your life and yours to control. Firstly, dump this piece of litter in the industrial waste bin -- he is a special piece of litter and that is where he deserves to be.

The question is, how are you going to dump him? Easy. Say it straight to his face, and close enough so he can feel your spit. Or you could do it the English way and get some hand sanitiser and slap that bad boy on his baby cheeks.

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Gerald its time to say goodbye to Petunia by Dusty

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Gerald its time to say goodbye to Petunia by Dusty

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Look mate, I am sorry but it’s time to dump Petunia.

She needs to go.

Gerald you have to let her go.

Literally everyone hates her; she is just so annoying. I am so sure she has been sent from hell to make everyone’s life miserable.

She has you on a leach, its time to be free.

She is a waste of good air.

Do you really want to be held back your whole life? I wouldn’t if I was you…

She is just using you. She is destroying you. She is the cause of all your problems.

Just remember all those traumatizing events….

When she took you to the zoo and she made you hold the skunk. We all know what happened after that. It took hours to get that stink out.

When she ordered your food for you and forgot you were allergic to dairy. God, you inflated like a big hot air balloon. You had to get rushed to hospital and had huge needle jammed into your arm. It looked like a 24 hours in A and E episode.

When she stole your credit card, bought a pet monkey and entered it into staring competitions (poor guy, he never won any of them.)

Also, who in their right mind names a child Petunia, they were just setting her up for a life of hatred and misery.

You deserve better.

You can do better.

When you are with her, you are a pathetic little caterpillar; don’t you want to be a beautiful, majestic butterfly? Don’t you want to fly away and be free?

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Hey, I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked Serena, you’re all busy with your bustling tennis career. But as your sister, I feel obliged to advise you and mentor you in the best way possible, to help you figure your way out of these somewhat worrying situations you’ve put yourself in.

It’s hard to say this but, your husband…He isn’t quite… He isn’t famous, is he? I believe the correct term is 'irrelevant'. I mean, sure he made reddit and all, but, compared to you, he’s bringing the Williams’ name down. All your hard work, the reputation you’ve made for yourself, with him beside you he chips away at that.

Just imagine Miley Cirus on that wrecking ball, but instead, it’s your husband. And with that wrecking ball he crashes through your life’s work, leaving it in pieces. You don’t want that do you? I mean, you’re the seventh best female tennis player in the world -- that is truly something. That is the proof that you deserve more than that husband of yours. That is why you’re better than him.

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Using a range of writing techniques, compose a letter with reasoning as to why your friend should break up with their partner.

Listen mate, 19 years I've known you. That’s 19 full rotations around the sun, 6,935 days, or if you want, ¾ of my life, and I think that’s long enough to see when you're in pain. What this monster is doing to you isn't right. She's like a leech feeding off of your insecurities, a leech that gets bigger and bigger the more you shrink. Now, do you know how you get rid of a leech? Fire. I'm not saying lose all contact with her, not at all, but in the situation you lot are in, this isn't healthy.

She's distracting you from work, family and your friends. Remember when we planned that trip months in advance? We knew a date and a time down to the minute, yet you never showed up and left me stranded and hopeless at the airport whilst you galivanted off to the pits of hell with that beast.

Right now you're like a puppet, and she is the puppet master -- any blind man can see that!

If you want change, you have to start now. Do you really enjoy life with her? I'd pay you the compliment of assuming you don’t. She is the flame in your life, but definitely not the light. She grasps you by your ankles and drags you down with her.

Remember when you couldn’t make it to your mum's funeral because she needed you to take her shopping?

Remember when you were hospital bound after a car crash she caused and she didn’t even visit you?

Remember when we were at my wedding and you were forced to leave because she was bored!?

She's ruining your life. She's ruining you.

I know what's keeping you trapped: it's fear. But you have to listen to me, you'll find another partner, and until then, you'll have me. If you truly want things to get better, listen to my advice. If you choose not to, then unfortunately the suffering falls on you, not me.

I'm sorry she's putting you through this. It pains a man to see his friend cry and hurts even more to know that you're forcing it upon yourself. If you find the light you’ve been searching for, hit me up and we can talk, but until then,

Have a good one...

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Sarah, it’s time for you to dump Nick. I know, you have some crazy idea that you love him, but as your best friend of 15 years I’m telling you, you don’t. And if maybe by some miracle, you do love him, he most certainly doesn’t love you. There, I said it. I know it’s hard to hear, but we both know it’s been a long time coming.

Remember when he stole your car because you had bought it from a male car salesperson? Or when he burnt down your house just to get your attention, not in a romantic way. This man is slowly destroying your life, and it is destroying me to watch him do it. You can’t let this carry on any longer -- I am begging you not to let this carry on any longer.

He is toxic, disrespectful, a brutal millstone pulling on your neck and preventing you from achieving all you can. You need to open your eyes and get rid of him before you end up spending Christmas alone, in your mid 70s with no friends or family. I’m not kidding.

Take control of your life and end this joke of a relationship. Only then can you ever truly be happy.

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Look Ben, you need to end things with Shanice.

You are being manipulated almost 24/7. You need to get out of this relationship. It's more toxic than the bleach I used yesterday to clean my sink. Shanice is controlling, manipulative and tiring. I don’t know how you've managed to deal with her for two years already, but I can see how weary you are. I can see in the bags under your eyes! She cheated on you, for gods sake Ben! Do you remember how that made you feel? You felt unworthy -- not good enough for anyone. Completely terrible!

Please Ben, don't let this happen again. She doesn't love you.

I will not sit and watch my best friend get broken. I can't be that friend.

When was the last time she did something nice for you? When was the last time she took you out for food? When was the last time she told you she loved you?

You can't remember can you. Exactly. You did so much for her, and you got nothing in return. She doesn’t deserve you.

Go pick yourself up and do it Ben.
Go dump Shanice. That rat.

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Cmon Billy,
She broke your heart, TWICE, I might add. She cheated on you  with your brother and another time with your own god damn mother?! That selfish bastard. How could you possibly take back that dirty rotten cheater? Think back to all the times when you were there for her when she needed it and even when she didn't need it, and now think about when she was there for you, I'll give you a minute, just search that big brain of yours for a time, any time that she was there for you. Maybe you could think of a time, but tell me now, don't lie, was it forced? 

So pick yourself up and get out of bed, put those snotty tearful tissues in the bin and finally do something with your life, go break up with that low life jacket potato. Seriously, I think it would be good for you. Shanice just uses you and expects you to stick around, but today is the day where you can show her who's boss, show her that you don't want to be used anymore. It's all down to you. 

Do you remember the time when you got your new job which you had been studying for for the past 7 years, do you remember the party we had? Do you remember how the party was about you, and you were the center of attention, and how Shanice just couldn't handle having the attention on anyone but herself? She just couldn't keep her mouth shut about the new chair she got for her house. Yapa Yapa Yapa all day long, not a single conversation was had where she wasn't stealing the attention. She wasn't proud of you? Do you remember how mad that made you feel? That was her she made you angry. She deserves nothing from you, you don't want to go back there billy. Break up with her. Make the right choice and remember don't be silly Billy.

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Melisa - Why Richard should dump Karen, the Ratty Wet Wipe.

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Melisa - Why Richard should dump Karen, the Ratty Wet Wipe.

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Why Richard Should Dump Karen

Hey! Richard! Yeah! You! You there! Dump Karen! Yeah, you heard what I said, dump her! I know you’ve thought about it before...You have, haven’t you! Hah! Tricked you! Come on, let’s be real, that fat slug could hardly keep up with your speed; would you really like to stay with a wet wipe like her? Yeah! I thought not!

Let’s look at the number of times Miss Chubby Little Twit has cheated on you – there was that time with your cousin, your uncle, and your dad. That’s THREE times! I don’t know why they’re so interested in a big rat-infested bum like her. You’re pushing her luck mate, she doesn’t deserve you.

She’s literally a stinking cow with warts growing out of her bum, like a trail going down her leg. When I first saw you together, I thought you were married to Winnie the Witch! Her pointy nose curls up like her vicious handwriting and her loathsome pointy fingers are cold and icy, they could send shivers down one’s spine as quick as lightning.

Imagine if she leaves you one day for a rich man who gives her everything she wants. You’ll be left lonely -- known as the loser who dated the old hag, and you’ll most possibly have taken her contagious juicy pus-oozing warts with you!

Take a look at Karen: she smells as if she’s lived in a bin. How about Linda across the street? Single, pretty, and smells like rose petals . Not to mention she doesn’t have any pus-oozing warts.

Karen is a waste of time, space and oxygen.

If you get rid of that scumbag, you could do such great things for this place. It would end the horrible stench following you the street; there'd be no more crusty old skin left shredded on your bathroom floor.

After Karen leaves, society will be fixed.

She's such a mardy bum, let's be real.

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Michael, I know how you feel about Karen : disturbed, annoyed and embarrassed. Trust me when I say that I know how you feel. But what I found surprising is the fact that you haven’t moved on yet.

Seeing you with this psychopath feels like im getting stabbed over and over again.  Listen up! I have known you for over 5 years now and you’re like family to me. It’s gotten to the point where I can read your mind. I can tell she’s not the one for you. I wouldn’t allow any woman of mine to embarrass me in public. Surely you haven’t forgotten the time where she smacked you in Nando's for getting her the wrong sauce. Or the time when she punched you in the genitals at her birthday party for getting her  a terrible gift, even though it was a highly expensive necklace. If this isn’t  clear evidence about why you should dispose of her then I don’t know what is.

Lemme ask you a few questions bro. Do you really enjoy life with her?

Bro have you ever thought about what everyone thinks about her?

Have you ever seen the strong hatred towards her by basically every one ? Well if you’re still wondering, everyone hates her.

These reasons are why we are begging you to just dump her already. There are plenty more girls out there that aren’t insane like this . So just dump her already!

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Look, buddy, it's an incontrovertible fact: your girlfriend is a fleshing-eating disease. And not the good kind. She's destroying you. Everyone can see it.
Do you like feeling like your intestines are being ripped out, hand-over-hand?
Do you like being humiliated, belittled and dehumanised?
You need to take action.
Mike, we're friends. That's why I'm telling you this. We've known each other for fifteen years – that statistic carries weight. And it tears me open to see you suffering like this.
Your relationship is like a dog that's been hit by a car and now it’s whimpering in the street waiting for someone to put it out of its misery with a shovel. Or a rock.
Your relationship is like one of those face-sucking, acid-blooded lizards from Alien – it needs the flamethrower treatment.
It needs to be burned away.
Remember when she slapped you in the face in McDonald's because you ordered a Fillet o'Fish?
Remember when she hit you with a bar stool because you weren't paying enough attention to her?
Remember when she set fire to you while you were sleeping?
This is not love.
You need to take charge. You need to leave her. Don't let her take any more dumps on your heart; allow your heart to do the dumping.
Only then will you be free.

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Its Time To Go.....                  Leo

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Its Time To Go.....                  Leo

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Dave Moore, you see that Daisy girl your dating is not the one for you. See, we have been friends for over 10 years, so I can tell whenever you're not happy, and whenever you're around her, you're more than sad. You're depressed.

Whenever I see you, you always have a fresh scratch or red hand print on your face. On Monday you had 80% more visible marks than you did on Friday, so I don't know what's going on under that jumper of yours. That girl is not something you can put love and affection into. She's like a cat you tried to raise with love, but it turned out it wasn't a cat, just a rat with rabies, now she's biting everyone you know and spreading her disease.

She yells in your face in public slap's you for giving her the wrong spoon for soup and whenever I ask if your OK you just answer with yeah I am and then change the subject. All I want is for you to be happy and she's not letting you. Look, Dave, the only way you can enjoy life is to separate yourself from her it’s the only way that you can feel the joy of happiness again.

Well you need to be the one to leave not her don’t give her the satisfaction of leaving you hart broken you’re the bigger person, you’re the happier person. You and only you can leave her