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This is an interesting article about married couples who try to act single.
Do you think many people have this mentality of marriage?
Where is line drawn in having fun and having alone time and acting single?

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Written by Candice Z. Watters

Before Greg and Ann got married, they vowed not to become like married friends they knew who had abandoned all their single friends and spent every spare moment together. Returning from their honeymoon, they jumped back into their routines of work, exercise and social activities. Once a week, Ann joined her friends for dinner while Greg went to the movies or to shoot pool with the guys.

While their alone time and friend time felt protected, they often wondered why their together time seemed uncomfortable. Whenever issues like in-laws, finances or housework came up, they tended to explode into arguments and storm off - for time alone or with friends.

They suspected they should free more time to work on their marriage but didn't want to offend their friends.

Greg and Ann's dilemma is common among newlywed couples. How can new husbands and wives resolve the tension between their old and new lives?

First, it's important to look at why the new marriage should be a priority. Jesus described a profound truth about married couples when He said, "They are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Matthew 19:6).

This oneness doesn't just happen. While the physical union of sex symbolizes oneness, the process of truly becoming one requires ongoing intentional effort.

Acting single

According to U.S. government statistics, the chance of divorce is highest during the third year of marriage. While some of the risk is due to unrealistic expectations, far too many new marriages flounder because young couples don't work enough on leaving behind the habits of flying solo.

One reason for this new "married singles" mentality is that men and women are marrying later; on average, men are marrying for the first time around 27 and women around 25. That means many men and women have a lot of practice being single and have gotten pretty good at living independently. This is a change from a generation ago when people spent most of their lives in close quarters with family - whether their parents and siblings or their own spouse and children.

Another reason couples cling to their single lifestyle is that marriage is not the clear transition into adulthood it once was. There's no longer the expectation that when two people marry, they take on all the obligations of adulthood. Couples can be tempted to treat their new spouse as more of a roommate than someone to whom they have new responsibilities.

Even after marriage, the mind-set of extended adolescence encourages men and women to continue prioritizing independence, personal disposable income and freedom in their use of time.

In addition, our entertainment-oriented culture interferes with a move toward oneness. Over the past century, the path to marriage has grown increasingly dominated by an entertainment-based dating system that makes the time couples spend together full of ticketed events: movies, concerts, sporting events and so on. It's a season characterized primarily by fun.

After moving from that season into the routine life of marriage, couples often find it challenging to stop focusing on fun and begin the work of building a marriage.

The template for a Christian marriage is found in Ephesians 5 - a passage all about serving and sacrifice. For many couples, that's a whole new twist on how they view and relate to one another. It's no wonder that when things get tough, they're tempted to fall back on old habits.

What's missing for many newlywed couples is practical help on how to become one. A successful lifelong marriage begins with a fresh look at your circle of friends, your media diet and your commitment to time together.

Evaluate your circle of friends

One of the primary reasons God gives us friends is so we can encourage and build each other up. Men and women still need such friendships after they marry, but those friendships won't, or shouldn't, look like they did before you got married. Your expectations about time together and even conversational topics have to change.

Do your friends affirm your marriage? The need for friends who esteem marriage draws newlyweds to other married couples. While single friends can provide a listening ear and encouragement, other married couples - especially mature ones - can offer life experience and foresight.

Rethink your media diet

Popular entertainment often stirs up discontent among married couples by holding up singles as having the best sex, the best friends and the most fun. What you watch, listen to and read has a lot to do with what you end up believing.

What wisdom are you getting from TV, movies, magazines and websites? In order to nourish your marriage, pray for discernment about your entertainment choices and be willing to cut out ones that could fuel discontent.

Give priority to time together

In the Old Testament, the transition from single to married was so unlike any other life change and so foundational to the rest of married life that new grooms were told to take the year off! "If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married" (Deuteronomy 24:5).

What would it look like for you to dedicate time to bring oneness to your marriage? Take the ideas you come up with and put them on your calendar as important dates before the little things fill up your schedule.

The newlywed years are a tender but fleeting season. Don't let the inertia of singleness undermine the challenging but rewarding process of becoming one.
Candice Z. Watters is the founding editor of Boundless.org, a Focus on the Family ministry helping singles find their way to marriage.
© 2007 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

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Details Written by Candice Z. Watters Before Greg and Ann got married, they vowed not to become like married friends they knew who had abandoned all their single friends and spent every spare moment together. Returning from their honeymoon, they jumped back into their routines of work, exercise and social activities.

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What do you guys think about this? Would it work? Could it decrease the amount of cases reported?

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So some soldiers and I were at the PX and we found these consent cards by the fountain drinks. I don't know who put these there, but I was curious to see what other people thought of it.

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Week eleven: Sexual abuse and the Brain.

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Week eleven: Sexual abuse and the Brain.

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This article talks about what happens to the physical brain after sexual abuse and how it affects the individual later in life. Do you think this is valid? How can someone deal with a an emotional issue when the physical brain has changed?

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Getty Images

Childhood emotional and sexual abuse mark women's brains in distinct patterns - with emotional abuse affecting regions involved in self-awareness and sexual abuse affecting areas involved in genital sensation, according to new research. The study links specific types of abuse with symptoms experienced by many survivors later in life.

The research, which was published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, imaged the brains of 51 women in Atlanta who were taking part in a larger project on the effects of early trauma. Twenty-eight of the participants had been seriously maltreated as children, suffering from various combinations of neglect and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. The other 23 experienced either no maltreatment or next to nothing. The women ranged in age from 18 to 45, but the average age was 27.

A standard questionnaire on childhood trauma was used to assess the women's early-childhood experiences, and their brains were scanned to measure the thickness of various regions of the cortex. Cortical thickness is linked to brain development, with thicker regions generally suggesting healthier growth. Brains, like muscles, develop through use - so regions that have been "exercised" more tend to be bigger.

But abuse can interfere with development. To cope with overwhelming experiences of distress, the brain can alter patterns of signaling from the pathways involved, which can ultimately leave those regions underdeveloped from reduced input. The brain of a child who is raped, for example, may react by reducing the connectivity of the regions that were hurt.

"If abuse was of a sexual type, we saw changes in the somatosensory cortex, the area that processes input from the body to create sensations and perceptions," says Jens Pruessner, associate professor of psychiatry at McGill University in Montreal. Somatosensory areas create a map of the body on the brain, with each region processing sensation from specific body parts. As compared with nonabused women, "women who were sexually abused had thinning in the area where the genitalia were located," he says.

Although the prevalence varies depending on the severity and the amount of abuse, many sexual-abuse survivors report sexual problems in adulthood, including reductions in desire and sensation; sometimes they suffer from chronic genital pain. "There are some studies suggesting that thinning of the cortex [in these regions] would be associated with a lowered pain threshold, so you would more easily perceive pain instead of touch from that area," says Pruessner. Some of the women showed cortical thinning in regions associated with the face and mouth, which could result from abuse to those areas.

( MORE: Psychological Abuse: More Common, as Harmful as Other Child Maltreatment)

Emotional abuse left a different type of scar. Here, the changes were seen in regions associated with understanding and controlling emotions and recognizing and responding to the feelings of others. "We [saw thinning] in areas that have to do with self-awareness and emotional regulation, areas in the prefrontal cortex and medial temporal lobe, which typically show activation when people are asked to think about themselves or reflect on their emotions," Pruessner says.

Emotional abuse can leave its victims prone to depression, moodiness and extreme or dulled emotional responsiveness, depending on the person and the particular circumstances. "As adults, [they have difficulty] reflecting on themselves and finding the right way to deal with emotions," says Pruessner.

"If replicated, these data provide compelling evidence about the enduring structural effects on the brain as a function of early life experience," Dr. Maria Oquendo, a professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, and her colleagues wrote in an editorial accompanying the study.

This study didn't follow the women from childhood, so it can't prove that the abuse caused the changes in these regions. It's possible, for example, that thinning in these brain regions results from later avoidance of healthy experience - abstaining from sex even in a good relationship, for example - rather than from the initial abuse.

In both emotional and sexual abuse, a decrease in connectivity of regions that are overwhelmed by maltreatment may be interpreted as a self-protective response. But it can ultimately prove harmful because it interferes with subsequent healthy sensation and experience.

The changes seen were not small: Pruessner says if a region typically was 5 mm. thick on average, in abuse survivors it was just 3 mm. to 4 mm. "The effect size was quite significant," he adds.

But that doesn't mean that recovery is impossible. Most abuse survivors do not develop symptoms, in fact, and research shows increasingly that the brain can change dramatically when provided with the right type of support and emotional nourishment. Understanding what goes wrong during and after abuse, the researchers believe, will help them figure out how to make it right. "That is our long-term hope," Pruessner says.
MORE: Abused Children May Get Unique Form of PTSD

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Sexual and Emotional Abuse Scar the Brain in Specific Ways

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Childhood emotional and sexual abuse mark women's brains in distinct patterns - with emotional abuse affecting regions involved in self-awareness and sexual abuse affecting areas involved in genital sensation, according to new research. The study links specific types of abuse with symptoms experienced by many survivors later in life.

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Many couples and women especially feel heavy pressure to always reach orgasm. However, many women can not. What is wrong? Is it psychological or physiological? Or pressure itself blocking the chances to have one?

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Image by Daring Wanderer via Stocksy

If you scour the internet for sex stuff as much as I do, you come across countless pleas from women who "don't feel anything" when they have sex. Most of these women are new to partnered sex, but some of them have been going at it since Frasie r was still on the air. Some of them have tried masturbating but still don't feel anything.

"Even when I am aroused, I get no pleasure whatsoever. Masturbating does nothing for me either," says one girl on sex ed website Scarleteen.

"[W]ere we made only to pleasure men or something,because im pretty sure 99.99% the guy feels good [sic]," asks a poster on Yahoo! Answers.

We tend to think of sex in pretty reductive terms-almost as though the human body were a vending machine. Insert the right coinage, push the right buttons, and out pops an orgasm. But what's a girl to do when that Snickers bar gets stuck inside the machine? Why do some women report feeling nothing during sex?
Read more: Learning How to Orgasm Without Any Touching
"The key thing for women to achieve any kind of sexual pleasure is that women need to feel like they're safe," says Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of Getting the Sex You Want, who has another mechanical analogy for women's sexual pleasure. "Women are like anti-virus protection systems; they'll shut down if they feel like something is threatening the system." Sexual response is regulated by a host of neurotransmitters, including cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP), which is the same substance that helps make boners happen. cGMP functions similarly in the clitoris, causing it to swell with blood and pop out of its little house. The body simply will not enjoy itself it is not getting the right instructions from the brain and endocrine system.

Extending this "woman-as-computer" metaphor even further, I asked Nelson and sex expert Dr. Emily Morse how they would troubleshoot a woman who's not feeling pleasure. "Masturbation is one of the best ways for women to get back in touch with primary sexual desires and fantasies," says Morse. "She has to stoke her own fires to remember what it feels like without the pressure from a partner. It's like getting back into a workout routine."

Finding out what feels good and what doesn't takes time. Your clitoris will probably be involved, as it is the only organ in the human body that functions exclusively to provide feelings of pleasure-but some clits are so sensitive that direct stimulation is painful. And, according to Nelson, many women forget to involve the rest of their body in the experience. "You're going in for the kill, gunning for the genitals, and you need to start on the outskirts," she says. "It's a slow burn instead of starting a fire." A 1994 study suggested that breathing deeply and moving more during sexual activity can heighten the sexual experience.

Your orgasm starts with your mind, not your fingers.

It's not just the body, of course: Nelson says you shouldn't forget to pay some attention to your brain. "Your orgasm starts with your mind, not your fingers," says Nelson. Your clit is like a non-player character (NPC) in a video game. It's only going to do something when the game wants it to. You can click on that NPC all day, but unless the quest has been started, nothing's going to happen.

Sex is all about context. You may experience some of the physiological aspects of pleasure without perceiving them as pleasurable. A 1994 study on pornography showed that physiological sexual response does not always correlate with feeling good. Participants in the study had a vaginal photoplethysmograph, a device that measures vaginal blood flow, inserted in them, and were shown porn created by both men and women. Women were physically aroused equally by the male- and female-created porn, but reported getting much more turned on by the woman-created smut. According to the study, "the man-made film evoked more feelings of shame, guilt, and aversion" for women, even though they simultaneously felt some feelings of sexual arousal.
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"Anxiety is a leading killer of women's sex drive," says Morse. "When we're stressed, anxious, and our attention spans have been diluted to that of a gnat, the last thing on the mind is sex." Nelson also emphasizes the importance of a stress-free masturbatory experience. "Are they rushing? Are they worried someone's going to walk in? Are they feeling shame?"

Women who have had trouble achieving orgasm in the past might also feel some performance anxiety or put an anxiety-inducing amount of pressure on themselves to achieve an orgasm. Plus, not all women do reach an orgasm, and that's also okay. There's plenty to enjoy during sex without the big finish.

"Yes, all of us want to cross that explosive finish line," says Morse, "but a lot of women put so much pressure on themselves to reach that big O that they miss the turnpike altogether."

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Why Some Women Don't Feel Pleasure During Sex

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We asked experts how women who report not feeling anything during sex can troubleshoot the issue. They explained that the human body is not a vending machine-it's more like a non-player character in a video game or an anti-virus protection system.

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Week Nine: Homosexuality and Beauty and the Beast.

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Week Nine: Homosexuality and Beauty and the Beast.

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I am sure that many of you have heard this controversy. What do you think about it? Is it fair for parents to be upset about things like these? Or is just plain dumb to complain about it?

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Disney says it will not cut a gay scene from Beauty and the Beast for release in Malaysia, despite a request from censors.

The live-action film, which stars Emma Watson, had been scheduled to open in cinemas in Malaysia on Thursday, but Disney indefinitely postponed the film's release earlier this week after the country's Film Censorship Board said it would only be approved if the scene was cut.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Disney has now moved the film's release date to 30 March to allow time for the board to make a decision. However, a spokesman for the studio told the BBC that the the film "has not been and will not be cut" for release.

Homosexual activity remains illegal in Malaysia, and homosexual characters can only be depicted on screen if they show repentance or are portrayed negatively.

"We have approved it but there is a minor cut involving a gay moment. It is only one short scene but it is inappropriate because many children will be watching this movie," the chairman of the censorship board, Abdul Halim, had previously said.

In the new version of Beauty and the Beast the character of LeFou, the sidekick of the story's villain Gaston, is "confused about his sexuality", according to director Bill Condon. The film features an "exclusively gay moment", where LeFou dances with another man.

The scene has already attracted controversy. In Russia the film was approved for release with a restrictive rating that prohibits those under the age of 16 from viewing it. The film has also been banned by a cinema in Alabama because of the scene.
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Beauty and the Beast: Disney refuses to cut gay scene for Malaysian release

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Disney says it will not cut a gay scene from Beauty and the Beast for release in Malaysia, despite a request from censors. The live-action film, which stars Emma Watson, had been scheduled to open in cinemas in Malaysia on Thursday, but Disney indefinitely postponed the film's release earlier this week after the country's Film Censorship Board said it would only be approved if the scene was cut.

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Biology can explain many things that today we wouldnt understand. The biological technology allows us to understand not only physiological and anatomical things but also behavioral. Do you think biology has good answers on sexuality?

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"Baby, I was born this way," Lady Gaga sang in a 2011 hit that quickly became a gay anthem. Indeed, over the past 2 decades, researchers have turned up considerable evidence that homosexuality isn't a lifestyle choice, but is rooted in a person's biology and at least in part determined by genetics. Yet actual "gay genes" have been elusive.

A new study of male twins, scheduled for presentation at the annual meeting of the American Society of Human Genetics (ASHG) in Baltimore, Maryland, today, could help explain that paradox. It finds that epigenetic effects, chemical modifications of the human genome that alter gene activity without changing the DNA sequence, may have a major influence on sexual orientation.

The new work, from Eric Vilain's lab at the University of California (UC), Los Angeles, is "exciting" and "long overdue," says William Rice, an evolutionary geneticist at UC Santa Barbara, who proposed in 2012 that epigenetics plays a role in sexual orientation. But Rice and others caution that the research is still preliminary and based on a small sample.

Researchers thought they were hot on the trail of "gay genes" in 1993, when a team led by geneticist Dean Hamer of the National Cancer Institute reported in Science that one or more genes for homosexuality had to reside on Xq28, a large region on the X chromosome. The discovery generated worldwide headlines, but some teams were unable to replicate the findings and the actual genes have not been found-not even by a team that vindicated Hamer's identification of Xq28 in a sample size 10 times larger than his last year. Twin studies suggested, moreover, that gene sequences can't be the full explanation. For example, the identical twin of a gay man, despite having the same genome, only has a 20% to 50% chance of being gay himself.

That's why some have suggested that epigenetics-instead of or in addition to traditional genetics-might be involved. During development, chromosomes are subject to chemical changes that don't affect the nucleotide sequence but can turn genes on or off; the best known example is methylation, in which a methyl group is attached to specific DNA regions. Such "epi-marks" can remain in place for a lifetime, but most are erased when eggs and sperm are produced, so that a fetus starts with a blank slate. Recent studies, however, have shown that some marks are passed on to the next generation.

In a 2012 paper, Rice and his colleagues suggested that such unerased epi-marks might lead to homosexuality when they are passed on from father to daughter or from mother to son. Specifically, they argued that inherited marks that influence a fetus's sensitivity to testosterone in the womb might "masculinize" the brains of girls and "feminize" those of boys, leading to same-sex attraction.

Such ideas inspired Tuck Ngun, a postdoc in Vilain's lab, to study the methylation patterns at 140,000 regions in the DNA of 37 pairs of male identical twins who were discordant-meaning that one was gay and the other straight-and 10 pairs who were both gay. After several rounds of analysis-with the help of a specially developed machine-learning algorithm-the team identified five regions in the genome where the methylation pattern appears very closely linked to sexual orientation. One gene is important for nerve conduction, whereas another has been implicated in immune functions.

To test how important the five regions are, the team divided the discordant twin pairs into two groups. They looked at the associations between specific epi-marks and sexual orientation in one group, then tested how well those results could predict sexual orientation in the second group. They were able to reach almost 70% accuracy, although the presentation makes clear that-in contrast to what a provocative ASHG press release about the study suggested-this predictive ability applies only to the study sample and not to the wider population.

Just why identical twins sometimes end up with different methylation patterns isn't clear. If Rice's hypothesis is right, their mothers' epi-marks might have been erased in one son, but not the other; or perhaps neither inherited any marks but one of them picked them up in the womb. In an earlier review, Ngun and Vilain cited evidence that methylation may be determined by subtle differences in the environment each fetus experiences during gestation, such as their exact locations within the womb and how much of the maternal blood supply each receives.

Such subtle influences are "where the action is," says psychologist J. Michael Bailey of Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. "Discordant [identical] twins comprise the best way to study this." But he and Rice caution that the study must be replicated with more twins to be fully credible. Sergey Gavrilets, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, and a co-author of Rice's epigenetics model, adds that the study would also be "more convincing" if the team could link the regions showing epigenetic differences to testosterone sensitivity in the womb.

Vilain's team stresses that the findings shouldn't be used to produce tests for homosexuality or a misguided "cure." Bailey says he's not worried about such misuse. "We will not have the potential to manipulate sexual orientation anytime soon," he says. And in any case, he adds, "we should not restrict research on the origins of sexual orientation on the basis of hypothetical or real implications.

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Homosexuality may be caused by chemical modifications to DNA

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"Baby, I was born this way," Lady Gaga sang in a 2011 hit that quickly became a gay anthem. Indeed, over the past 2 decades, researchers have turned up considerable evidence that homosexuality isn't a lifestyle choice, but is rooted in a person's biology and at least in part determined by genetics.

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As I was searching for an article I came across this interesting article. Do you think that college students are having more sex now than ever? Do you think people did not talk about it as much as today back in the day? Why do people think today's generation is more sexual than previous generations?

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Contrary to popular belief, researchers have now found today's college students do not have more frequent sex or more sexual partners than undergraduates in previous eras.

Credit: Petrenko Andriy | Shutterstock

NEW YORK - Contrary to popular belief, college students today aren't "hooking up" any more than in the past, a new study finds.

Recent studies and popular media have painted a picture of an increasingly prevalent hookup culture on college campuses. But researchers have now found today's college students do not have more frequent sex or more sexual partners than undergraduates in previous eras.

"We're questioning whether college students today live in a culture that features lots of no-strings-attached, casual sex, and the general perception that college students today have more liberal attitudes toward sexuality," said study researcher Martin Monto, a sociologist at the University of Portland. Monto presented the work here today (Aug. 13) at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association. [ The Sex Quiz: Myths, Taboos and Bizarre Facts]

Tally your sexual partners

The study was based on a nationally representative sample from a survey of more than 1,800 people ages 18 to 25, who had graduated from high school and completed at least one year of college. The survey included questions, such as how many sexual partners a person had since age 18, how many sexual partners per year and how often they had sex. Monto and a colleague compared survey responses from 2002-2010 to those from 1988-1996.

They found that students nowadays don't have sex more often and don't have more partners than in the previous time period. Of the students from 2002-2010, 59.3 percent reported having sex at least once a week, compared with 65.2 percent of students from 1988-1996 (the drop in rate here was not significant from a statistical perspective).

And 31.6 percent of the modern group reported having more than one sexual partner in the past year, compared with 31.9 percent of the other group surveyed. For both groups, about 50 percent reported having more than two sexual partners since they turned 18.

What 'hooking up' means

So why the perception of a hookup culture on today's college campuses?

One possibility, Monto said, is that narratives about dating culture have changed. "The term 'hooking up' is widely used today and it wasn't as widely used in the past," Monto told LiveScience. The term "hooking up" is also ambiguous - it can be used to just mean making out, but these distinctions are sometimes lost in the media, he said.

Furthermore, college students today don't necessarily think of sexual partners as potential marriage partners, Monto said. Sexually active college students of today were more likely to report that one of their sexual partners in the past year was a casual date or pickup - and less likely to report having a spouse or regular sexual partner - compared with students in the previous era.

Attitudes toward other sexual norms have not changed much either. Today's students were no more accepting than their older peers of sexual activity between ages 14 and 16, extramarital sex or premarital sex. One difference was that students today were more accepting of sex between same-sex adults.

But on the whole, contemporary students do not live in a more sexualized culture than before, Monto said.

The research was submitted to a scientific journal but has not yet been published.

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The Truth About College Students and Casual Sex Revealed

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NEW YORK - Contrary to popular belief, college students today aren't "hooking up" any more than in the past, a new study finds. Recent studies and popular media have painted a picture of an increasingly prevalent hookup culture on college campuses.

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Some say that sex ed promote sex....others believe that sex ed helps people understand safe sex. If it is inevitable due to our God given sex drive, what is your opinion?

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A new report from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) says one in five births to U.S. teens ages 15-19 is not a first child. The data comes from 365,000 teens who gave birth in 2010 and shows that 67,000 of those were the teen mom's second child. It's time we revisit sexual education in America's schools and make it a part of the curriculum in every middle school and high school.

The delusional thinking is that providing comprehensive sex education in schools is an endorsement of sexual activity. So instead, in the richest country in the world, we are forced to learn about sex on the streets. Here's objective reality: Whether you like it or not, teenagers are going to have sex. They always have and always will.

According to America's Center for Disease Control, 47.4 percent of high school students have had sex. And these are only the kids who admit it. The average teenager has been exposed to more sexually explicit movies, games, magazines, and other materials than we have in our entire lives. As much as some Americans would like to hold on, the days of Ozzie and Harriet are over. Teenagers are bombarded by sex; what they are lacking is sex education.

They're learning lovemaking through porn. Are we too emotionally immature to educate our kids about one of the most beautiful parts of life? Only 22 states require their public schools to teach sex education, which is an embarrassment for a country that claims to be progressive. Our public school system is still debating whether or not providing condoms in school promotes sexual promiscuity. Condoms don't promote promiscuity -- hormones promote promiscuity! Giving students access to condoms doesn't increase their odds of having sex, it just increases the odds that they'll have safe sex.

I remember sneaking into a drug store when I was in high school to buy condoms. It was a painful experience because like most Americans, I was programmed in church to be ashamed of my sexual desires. Critical thinking says it's time to pass legislation that mandates comprehensive sex education in all of our public schools.

The human sex drive is the most powerful force on earth. Harnessed and celebrated, it's a beautiful, natural phenomenon that produces unparalleled pleasure. People have risked fame, fortune, and their very lives in pursuit of the ultimate sexual experience. Yet in America, we learn little about sex as children and are brainwashed to believe it's wrong unless we are married.

Our culture of sexual repression makes America appear naive and immature in relation to many parts of the world. The delusional thinking around sex in America is derived primarily from puritanical dogma that bullies us into believing sex is a sin. Critical thinking says nothing will ever stop the most primal drive that smolders within the human psyche. Nature will always favor this form of expression, no matter how many fanatics threaten us with eternal damnation.

Religious and political leaders in America are notorious for delivering speeches and sermons with puritanical fervor while simultaneously engaging in the same acts they condemn. Whether it's the president of the United States or the hellfire evangelical, the hypocrisy among American leaders is legendary. And sex scandals are not new to America. From Ben Franklin to Thomas Jefferson, senators and congressmen, to hundreds of Catholic priests -- all have participated in what many describe as sexual misconduct. Sex is an undeniable force that can manifest itself positively or negatively, but make no mistake: It will manifest itself.

I'm not encouraging teenagers to go out and have sex, but critical thinking says as sure as the sun will rise in the east, teenagers are going to have sex. So rather than fight the inevitable, why not do everything we can to make sure they are having safe sex?

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It's Time to Make Sex Education Mandatory in Our Nation's Schools

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A new report from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) says one in five births to U.S. teens ages 15-19 is not a first child. The data comes from 365,000 teens who gave birth in 2010 and shows that 67,000 of those were the teen mom's second child.

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Are we biologically inclined to have gender roles? Or is gender roles primed through the media?

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Media plays a large role in creating social norms, because various forms of media, including advertisements, television, and film, are present almost everywhere in current culture. Gender roles, as an example, exist solely because society as a whole chooses to accept them, but they are perpetuated by the media. Conspicuous viewers must be aware of what the media is presenting to them, and make sure they're not actively participating in a culture of oppression.

Even on young children, gender roles are being pushed through advertisements. My search for American advertisements with girls playing with action figures and boys using easy-bake ovens was fruitless, and even when I moved to a gender neutral product, sidewalk chalk, the advertisement was sending different messages towards boys versus girls. The girls were all coloring on the sidewalk, as the one young boy rapped, ending in a short dance routine where it was clear that the only male in the advertisement was the main character. Are consumers of sidewalk chalk actively trying to send this message of submission to their 9-year-old girls? Likely not, but the media is sending them the message without being stopped. However, Tide, a Proctor and Gamble laundry detergent, has taken its advertisement in a better direction, recently showing a clip where the leading male actor proudly proclaims "I'm a stay-at-home dad," and later goes on to braid his daughter's hair. By showing a man playing out typically "feminine" behaviors, Tide is promoting a more equal society.

Television is the most pervasive form of media, with 96.7 percent of American families owning a TV, according to The Nielsen Company, which takes TV set ownership into account when it produces ratings. This, of course, means that viewers must carefully examine the content of the programs they choose to watch, and decide if they can ethically support and promote said content.

For example, The Big Bang Theory, in its earlier seasons, had only one consistently present female lead -- Penny, played by the lovely Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting. Penny's character was that of the stereotypical female: the ditzy, attractive neighbor, who existed solely to create sexual tension between herself and one of the show's leading men, Leonard Hofstadter. As the show progressed, the characters developed and more females were introduced, but Sweeting's character still exists primarily to create romantic tension.

A better example of female representation in television can be found in the American version of the TV show The Office, which had five consistent female leads -- Pam Beesly-Halpert, Angela Martin, Phyllis Lapin-Vance, Meredith Palmer and Kelly Kapoor. There is a strong, working-class female represented in each department of the fictional paper company Dunder Mifflin, and all of these female characters are dynamic. Even though some of them did portray female gender roles, such as the character of Kelly being emotional, the characters were given enough development and background to be more than just stereotypes. The Office worked against the unfortunate statistic that men outnumber women in television two to one, and gave viewers a plethora of strong females in the workplace, helping to move the media to more accurately represent the real world, where women are 51 percent.

Film is less pervasive than television, which means consumers must be even more particular when choosing movies to support. Every $8 movie ticket tells the film industry to produce more movies like the ones viewers have paid to see, which is why it is disappointing that Grown Ups 2, directed by Dennis Dugan, grossed about $200,000,000 more than The Call, directed by Brad Anderson. Only about a quarter of the cast of Grown Ups 2 is female, and the movie doesn't pass the Bechdel test, a test created by Alison Bechdel, which asks only three questions: Does the piece have two or more female characters? Do they speak to each other? Do they speak of topics other than men? Although the movie has stars such as Maya Rudolph and Salma Hayek, the female characters don't have a conversation about anything other than men. The Call, starring Halle Berry and Abigail Breslin, features a strong female lead (Halle Berry) who saves a young girl (Abigail Breslin) after being kidnapped by a character played by Michael Eklund, but grossed significantly less. The message consumers are sending to filmmakers is that they should produce more films with women falling into the resigned, quiet, gender role, as opposed to films that break away from these molds.

There's nothing wrong with accepting gender roles. For example, I want to be a stay-at-home mom, but this is a personal choice, not something that I feel society or tradition is forcing me to do. The problem with gender roles is that they can cross a line and become oppressive. If a young woman wants to become a doctor, and a young man a teacher, it is the rest of the world's responsibility not to bat an eye. If a doctor can cure the sick, what does gender matter? If a teacher can educate a student, who are we to deny the pupil the right to learn, solely on the grounds of the sex of his or her teacher? If a man wants to cry, let him cry. Men feel just as women do.

Although the media isn't yet representing either gender void of stereotypes, a societal change will bring about a change in the media. Regardless of this, gender roles are just that, roles. It is up to the individual to decide whether or not they are going to fill them. The best advice that can be given is to make sure, above all else, that you are fulfilling a role you want to be fulfilling, regardless of where it fits in society's set of theoretical constructs.

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Media plays a large role in creating social norms, because various forms of media, including advertisements, television, and film, are present almost everywhere in current culture. Gender roles, as an example, exist solely because society as a whole chooses to accept them, but they are perpetuated by the media.

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Week Four: 16 inch bicep or 8 inch bicep?

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Week Four: 16 inch bicep or 8 inch bicep?

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Bigger biceps, bigger chest, stronger bench, more money and taller. If any body degrades any of the above a man quickly becomes consumed in insecurities. Why so?

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News releases | Research | Social science

From the old Charles Atlas ads showing a scrawny male having sand kicked in his face to sitcom clichés of henpecked husbands, men have long faced pressure to live up to ideals of masculinity.

Societal norms dictating that men should be masculine are powerful. And new University of Washington research finds that men who believe they fall short of those ideals might be prompted to reassert their masculinity in small but significant ways.

Published last week in Social Psychology, the sought to understand how men respond when their masculinity is threatened, and looked at two specific strategies they might employ: playing up their manliness and rejecting feminine preferences.

The found that male college students who were given falsely low results on a handgrip strength test exaggerated their height by three-quarters of an inch on average, reported having more romantic relationships, claimed to be more aggressive and athletic, and showed less interest in stereotypically feminine consumer products.

By contrast, men who received average score results, and whose masculinity was therefore not threatened, did not exaggerate those characteristics. The findings, researchers say, underscore the pressure men feel to live up to gender stereotypes and the ways in which they might reinstate a threatened masculinity.

"We know that being seen as masculine is very important for a lot of men," said lead author Sapna Cheryan, a UW associate professor of psychology. "We discovered that the things that men were using to assert their masculinity were the very things that are used as signals of identity."

The research involved male students at Stanford University, where Cheryan received her doctorate in psychology. The students were told they were participating in research on how exertion impacts decision-making and were asked to squeeze a handheld device with each hand.

Researchers marked their scores on sheets that showed bogus bell curves representing male and female results, with the female curve clearly lower than the male one. Participants were scored either in the middle of the female or the male curve, suggesting that their grip was either weak or average.

They were then asked to fill out a questionnaire asking about their height, number of previous relationships, various personality traits and their interest in products that skewed male or female, along with "distracter questions" about things like college major that were intended to allay potential suspicion about the study.

Cheryan said the consistent exaggeration about height among the group who thought they scored lower was particularly surprising.

"Height is something you think would be fixed, but how tall you say you are is malleable, at least for men," she said.

Though the study focused exclusively on men, Cheryan noted that women also feel pressure to live up to gender ideals of femininity, such as being people-focused and nurturing. If women believe they are falling short of those expectations, Cheryan said, they might make choices with potentially negative consequences to demonstrate that they fit gender norms - for example, avoiding classes in traditionally male fields such as science and technology.

Cheryan got the idea for the experiments from a men's fitness magazine she was reading while working out at the gym several years ago. The magazine had a feature that asked men on the street how much they could bench press and then brought them into a gym to put their statements to the test.

Most couldn't bench what they claimed they could, and that got Cheryan thinking: What would those men do, she wondered, now that their masculinity was threatened? Would they acknowledge that they weren't as strong as they perhaps thought? Try to bolster their manliness in response?

So Cheryan devised the handgrip experiment and a second one that required a male group of students to take a computer-based masculinity test with multiple-choice questions about consumer preferences and personal attributes.

In the second experiment, the participants were told the median score on the test was 72 out of 100, with 100 being "completely masculine," and were randomly given a score of 26 or 73. They were then asked about a range of products they could receive as compensation. As with the handgrip experiment, the participants who thought they scored lower were less interested in more feminine consumer products.

"This research shows that men are under very strong prescriptive norms to be a certain way, and they work hard to correct the image they project when their masculinity is under threat," said co-author Benoît Monin, a professor of organizational behavior and psychology at Stanford University

The findings might seem amusing, but other studies have found that men compensate for a lack of masculinity in ways that aren't as innocuous. Men with baby faces, for example, were more likely to have assertive and hostile personalities and commit crimes than their more chiseled counterparts. Men who were told they scored low on masculinity tests were more likely to act aggressively, harass women and belittle other men.

Additionally, unemployed men were more likely to instigate violence against women, and men who were not their household's primary breadwinner were less willing to share in housework duties.

Identifying the various strategies men use when their masculinity is threatened, Cheryan said, can help with understanding male behavior in real-life situations.

"Men have a lot of power in our society, and what this study shows is that some decisions can be influenced by how they're feeling about their masculinity in the moment," she said.

Other co-authors are Zach Katagiri and Jessica Schwartz Cameron of Stanford University.

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Manning up: Men may overcompensate when their masculinity is threatened

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News releases | Research | Social science From the old Charles Atlas ads showing a scrawny male having sand kicked in his face to sitcom clichés of henpecked husbands, men have long faced pressure to live up to ideals of masculinity. Societal norms dictating that men should be masculine are powerful.

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Masturbation has always been a topic that is kept more hush hush than sex itself. However, the article backs the topic of masturbation with factual and reliable sources about the advantages it has for a intimate relationships...so why does society discourage it and look down on it?

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Multi-colored dildos and vibrators continue to grow in sales, to the surprise of no one. The 21st century's hypersexual climate has made for innovative sex toys and popularization of erotic novels. Yet somehow female masturbation remains a taboo topic. If society has become so comfortable with sex in popular culture, why is this aspect of female sexuality still repressed? Well, if we actually talked about it, we might discover female masturbation is as beneficial as it is pleasurable.

Childhood Years

From a young age, we're slapped on the hand whenever we show curiosity about our bodies. While eating and sleeping are innate, sex, specifically masturbation, is perceived as something "forbidden."

"When a young preschooler is caught with their hands near their genitals, parents and teachers often have a reflexive response 'don't do that,' so the message given to the child is it's naughty, it's shameful, it's forbidden," said Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent, and expert panelist on WE TV's Sex Box. "Kids learn very young to hide and do it under the covers and under the table."

Although Western society fixates on shielding children from sexual knowledge they may pick up in films, for example, the reality is that sexuality is also part of growing up. In fact, masturbation is actually a common childhood habit, where both boys and girls begin to play with their genitals by 5 to 6 years old. By age 15, almost 100 percent of boys and 25 percent of girls have masturbated to the point of orgasm. Moreover, prenatal ultrasounds have shown male fetuses begin masturbation even before birth.

As children reach adolescence, social acceptance of masturbation between genders becomes more defined; boys engage in it and talk about it, while girls discuss it far less. The difference has to do with not only with the influence of caregivers, but the granted societal permission for males to be overtly sexual beings.

April Masini, relationship expert and author, acknowledges the need to start a dialogue, since female masturbation just wasn't discussed in previous generations. "Bringing it out in the open allows everyone to consider what it means to society, relationships, and individuals. Writing and talking about it encourages discussion and airing of viewpoints that might have otherwise been repressed," she said.

Adult Years

When men and women finally reach adulthood, solo sex becomes increasingly more common, but society's early influence carries into these years, impacting the frequency of each gender's alone time. So while the male rate of adult masturbation is about 95 to 99 percent, only 40 to 60 percent of women do it. Those between the ages of 25 to 29 engage in female masturbation at a higher rate per month than all other age groups.

This coincides with the change from high school to college, where there's now permission and space for sexual honesty. The tone shifts from whether or not you masturbate to how often you masturbate and what you use to climax. This period of experimentation finally gives women the "OK" to go ahead and explore their bodies, or at least that's how most girls feel.

A 2002 study published in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality examined the frequency of masturbation in the past three months and age at initiation of masturbation for undergraduates who completed an anonymous survey. Social norms and lifetime number of sex partners predicted the frequency of masturbation for women, while for men, the frequency was predicted by perceived social norms supporting this behavior. Undergrad women were found to masturbate an average of 4.7 times per month.

Apps like HappyPlayTime, which encourage women to touch themselves more often by giving them anatomy lessons and techniques, can help increase the frequency in which women masturbate. The app helps many women and girls to become more comfortable with their bodies by guiding them how to stimulate themselves without the presence of a sexual partner. It gives women power over their own sexual pleasure, which defies the societal dichotomy of women needing a man to find real fulfillment in life and in sex.

Dildos, vibrators, and apps defy social constructs that men are the only outlets for female sexual pleasure. A woman's ability to self-pleasure herself within the confines of her own bedroom not only gives her knowledge but power over her body and a means of sexual gratification.

"We live in a culture that frames sex as a tool of pleasure for men and power for women. Female self-pleasure defies this dichotomy," said Dr. Jess O'Reilly, a sexuality counselor with a Ph.D. in sex education and Astroglide's Resident Sexologist.

Self-Love In A Relationship

Once a woman embraces the act of self-love, it's easier for her to reap the benefits of it. This includes cultivating a healthy sexual relationship with a partner. Masturbation allows women to take ownership of their bodies, so that instead of depending on a man (or woman) to discover what pleases them, they already know what they like and can help their partner navigate.

"Most men have a harder time figuring out a woman's body because it's more complicated, than they do their own, so now not only does a woman not know a lot about herself, but the guy she's hoping will give her pleasure, doesn't either," Masini said.

Women become their own source of pleasure when they achieve this alone, even if in a relationship. Masturbation is not a replacement for sexual intercourse, but rather an integral behavior for single women and couples who already have satisfying sex lives.

"Often women masturbate in the nude or with less clothing," Walfish said, "and that adds to the feeling of being sexy and sensual."

A 1991 study published in the Journal of Sex Education & Therapy found masturbation does not threaten a relation, but is rather healthy. Married women in the study who masturbated to orgasm had greater marital and sexual satisfaction than women who did not masturbate.

Dr. Jason James, board certified OB/GYN in private practice in Miami, Fla., and chairman of the department of OB/GYN at Baptist Hospital of Miami, believes it is very important for a woman to develop a degree of comfort with her body, with her anatomy, in order to maximize pleasure during intercourse and other sexual relations.

"Often women complain of inability to orgasm during sex with their partner." he said. "One of the first questions I will ask is whether they can orgasm during masturbation. I firmly believe that a woman must first know how to please herself before she can truly instruct her partner how to please her."

Beyond The Bedroom

So if self-love can rev up a woman's libido and contribute to a healthy relationship, what exactly does it do outside the bedroom?

Masturbation is a mentally and physically healthy activity, since women often orgasm during self stimulation. A survey conducted by author Carol Rinkleib Ellison for the book Women's Sexualities: Generations of Women Share Intimate Secrets of Sexual Self-Acceptance found over 2,000 women, from teens to their 90s, reported masturbating to relax, get sleep, and to even relieve menstrual cramps. This is because masturbation increases oxytocin levels during the height of pleasure.

The physical act of masturbation directly stimulates several areas of the brain, according to Dr. William Kolbe, author of The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation. These areas include the emotional, visual, and sexual arousal and activity areas.

The "cloud nine" feeling felt during sex or masturbation is linked to the nerves sent to the brain's pleasure center, or reward circuit. The sexual arousal felt in the body floods the brain with neurochemicals that forge emotions, feelings of attachment, and even love. The level of pleasure and euphoria is based on the release of these chemicals that can be used to measure the intensity of a climax. In other words, orgasm is a way of activating pleasure in the brain, which some women report leads to a boost in self-esteem and positive body image.

"Mentally and spiritually, masturbation stimulates the production of endorphins involved in feelings of well-being, joie de vivre, and euphoria," Kolbe said. "Self-love enables people to accept themselves and know themselves sexually, ultimately producing deep and lasting sentiments of contentment, gratification, and joy."

And shouldn't self-love be about feeling good?

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Female Masturbation: Why Self-Love Is Still A Sex Taboo For Women

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Multi-colored dildos and vibrators continue to grow in sales, to the surprise of no one. The 21st century's hypersexual climate has made for innovative sex toys and popularization of erotic novels. Yet somehow female masturbation remains a taboo topic. If society has become so comfortable with sex in popular culture, why is this aspect of female sexuality still repressed?

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In class we discussed the difficulty in comprehending sex as being a spiritual act. This article portrays spiritual sex in a secular perspective and provides great detail in what that should be like. However, what differentiation can be made from this perspective to what God intended sex to be?

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Eleven minutes: that's the estimated time most couples spend making love and sometimes its not even much fun. Between one quarter and one half of long term relationships are beset with low desire and it is common for spouses to find other sexual outlets. We are living in a time when all the marital roles and rules have changed and old solutions don't seem to be working.

Even with these facts, I'm not at all pessimistic about the possibilities of lasting sexual love, but I do believe we are looking in all the wrong places. We cannot mandate thrilling, connected sexual encounters and just because one is married and "should" be having lots of fulfilling sex, doesn't make it so. The fact is we do not have any idea just how deep and all encompassing sex can be because we are stuck with a model of sex that I call, "The Performance Model: Sex equals intercourse": the goal of sex is orgasm, and great sex is a virtuoso performance.

As recent as one hundred years ago, women were thought to be incapable of orgasm and sex was intended purely for procreation. Not that everyone accepted this view, but everything in our Western culture supported women's sexual ignorance and encouraged men to use sex in very limited ways. Now, women are supposed to have orgasms every time and men are supposed to last all night as perfect sexual athletes. It's a recipe for disaster which the invention of Viagra has not averted.

So imagine living in a culture where sex was sacred and not a sin and sexuality was seen as a positive expression of the life force. This perspective was the norm in many cultures pre-dating Greek and Roman times and these societies date back 30,000 years. Even as late as 3,500 years ago those who lived on the island of Crete recognized sexual pleasure as a wonderful way to connect with spirit, renew the abundance of the land, and unite deeply with one another. In this culture sexuality was widely understood as a pathway to spiritual ecstasy.

The fact is that sexuality and spirituality were never split until well into the first millennium of the Common Era when denial of the body became the popular theology of the day. It may seem outrageous to view sexuality in such lofty terms. Yet, it no longer makes sense to deny the spiritual dimension of our sexuality, as if we had "lower," physical urges and "higher," spiritual functions, disconnected from the body.

Before you read on, let me define what I mean by spiritual sex: it is sexual energy that goes beyond physical sensations of pleasure and genital orgasms. It is not limited to genital stimulation and the release of tension through a quick and simple orgasm. When spiritual sex is consciously practiced, there is a quality of "mindfulness," which is heightened awareness and expanded consciousness. The more cosmic experiences utilizing sexual energy create ecstatic states. The essence of spiritual sex is enhanced awareness, extraordinary inspiration, and a sense of merging with the life force.

For simplicity's sake, I've divided spiritual sex into two levels: the first is conscious loving which is sexual energy that generates intense, loving feelings for the partner. The result is greater partner connection, reinforcing commitment in a long-term relationship through loving communion, enhancing the bond. The second level is spiritual union which is the ultimate expression of sexuality. Often one receives inspiration and illumination that can be translated into divine guidance or simply experienced as pure bliss. These transcendental sexual experiences produce a sense of merging with the source of energy and losing physical boundaries during orgasm. It is often described as "being in the moment of boundless bliss." Many ancient and modern visionary experiences are described as feelings of being "bathed in pure light." It is cosmic orgasm, the direct experience of the self as pure energy, in union with a divine source. This level of spiritual sex may occur without a partner and even without any physical stimulation.

Many of you intuitively know the link between spirituality and sexuality through direct experience. One woman, I'll call Carrie, related the following; "At the moment of orgasm I knew that I was in a great, golden light and I experienced myself as transparent, luminous energy. I saw seven star-like, golden, swirling points that lined up in my body. I did not know about the chakras at the time but later I discovered that that's what I saw. My energy centers looked like radiant golden lights in my body." What she had visualized was the life force freely flowing through all seven energy centers that were illuminated and energized by her orgasm. Many people who become interested in spiritual sex have had initial spontaneous ecstatic experiences such as Carrie's.

Since sexual energy is the source of our connection to the life force, the benefits to physical, emotional, and mental health are obvious. Developing conscious rituals and techniques allow you to become more open to such transcendent experiences. It prepares you to be receptive to the possibility of connecting in higher states of awareness from peak sexual moments. The teachings of ancient sacred sexuality traditions are a veritable garden of suggestions that I will be offering in this blog which I plan to use as a way to inspire you to practice a deeper connection with sexuality. Through this blog, I would love to answer questions and have you share your experiences, including those you have had with ecstatic sexuality.

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Spiritual Sex: Ecstatic Love Beyond The Physical

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Eleven minutes: that's the estimated time most couples spend making love and sometimes its not even much fun. Between one quarter and one half of long term relationships are beset with low desire and it is common for spouses to find other sexual outlets.

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Traditional roles have always been and always will be men provide security and money while women provide sex, nurture, and comfort. However, look around...is that still the case?

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Men look at women a sex objects; women look at men as success objects. Women like men who are generous with money; men like women who are generous in bed. A man fantasizes about a woman who'll rock his world in the sack; a woman fantasizes about a man who'll rock her world at Tiffany's. Both genders are looking for love... For him, nothing says "I love you" like good sex; for her, nothing says "I love you" like financial security.

Perhaps Katharine Hepburn was right when she mused: "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

Each gender has its standard complaint about the other... Women lament that all men want is sex, and men grumble that women spend too much money. Could it be true that men and women really DO come from different planets? Men are horn dogs from Mars and women are gold diggers from Venus?

The romantics among us cringe: "Oh no, you've got it all wrong! Love is a matter of the soul and character... not dollars and sex." Those who consider themselves liberated are incredulous: "Haven't we moved beyond those dated stereotypes?"

But it's likely that what some consider "dated stereotypes" may actually be timeless truths. A woman's social currency is her youth, beauty, charm and sexuality; a man's social currency is his professional and financial success. Men gain status by what they do; women gain status by who they're with. Just because it isn't politically correct doesn't mean it isn't true.

Consider the possibility that our attitudes and behaviors concerning money are programmed by thousands of years of evolution, not just a dozen years of childhood socialization. Consider that perhaps the generations of humans who came before us were doing what comes naturally: Men offered protection and provisions, while women offered fertility and family. Biology was destiny.

"Has nothing changed since Tarzan and Jane?" you might ask.

Maybe not as much as we'd like to think ...

Demographic studies show that most women still "marry up" and most men "marry down" in terms of socioeconomic status. Economic research tells us that when a couple divorces, the husband's standard of living takes a hit, then rebounds; but the wife's standard of living (and the kids') takes a dive and doesn't recover... unless she remarries. Sociological research reveals that married women enjoy higher status than single women, across all social classes.

And history illustrates that "power is (still) the ultimate aphrodisiac" (Henry Kissinger) and money is the most potent form of power. Rich, powerful men can have all the young, pretty women they want ... Consider Hugh Hefner, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Larry King, Rush Limbaugh, Warren Beatty, George Clooney, Mick Jagger, Donald Trump, Wilt Chamberlain, the Kennedy men, Aristotle Onassis, Henry the VIII, and tens of thousands of wealthy men throughout history. These men provided status, protection, and security to their women -- who in turn provided youth, beauty, sensuality and charm to their men. Everybody got what they wanted.

Sociologists refer to this as social exchange theory: Human relationships are characterized by exchanges of time, attention, affection, sex, money, love, favors, loyalty and/or other goods and services. Our relationships with one another are built on thousands of exchanges we make every day.

Friendship: I give you attention, affection, time and companionship; you give me the same. Money may or may not have a major role, but you can be sure there are financial factors at play within friendships.

Employment: I do what you ask me to do; you give me a paycheck. Money plays the central role.
Marriage: I'll give you sex, emotional support, babies and a warm, nurturing place to come home to; you provide the money, security and protection.
There is nothing wrong with any of these exchanges, so long as both parties agree on the terms and conditions and each gets what they want from the exchange.

Yes, it sounds cold and unromantic, but marriage is as much a business relationship as it is a love relationship. Money, taxes, property, insurance, estates, inheritances, and community property are a central fact of married life. People who protest that "money isn't important in love" are fooling themselves. As Rita Davenport reminds us: "Money isn't everything... but it ranks right up there with oxygen."

Money -- like sex -- is energy. It's dynamic; it's powerful; it's creative; it makes things happen; it motivates; it attracts; it stirs emotions; it gets people into action. And energy takes two forms: yin and yang, feminine and masculine, beta and alpha. Yin represents passive power; yang represents active power. They are two complementary energies which animate the world, according to ancient Eastern philosophy.

Relationships work best when there is a balance between yin and yang. It doesn't matter who brings what energy to the relationship - it only matters that both are present, each playing their respective role in bringing harmony, balance, and reciprocity to the interaction between partners. As Paul Simon's brother explained about why Paul's and Carrie Fisher's marriage broke up: "Relationships work best when one person is the flower and the other is the gardener."

While the importance of yin and yang in human relations hasn't changed since the beginning of time, what HAS changed is that women have freed themselves up to cultivate more of their yang energy ... and men feel more free to explore their yin, or feminine side.

Traditionalists see this as a terrible development -- a perversion of traditional gender roles and values. Others see this as a wonderful development -- an embracing of the true complexity and diversity of human nature.

Both men and women are androgynous beings -- yin and ying energy ebbs and flows within each of us. We can choose to cultivate our yin or yang nature in whatever proportion feels authentic, natural, and healthy. Jackie Kennedy Onassis understood this when she explained that women can choose from two types of power: power in the bedroom or power out in the world. Jackie chose power in the bedroom. Today, more women (ie, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Meg Whitman, Sarah Palin, Martha Stewart, Vera Wang, Maya Angelou, Alice Waters, Dolly Parton, Venus and Serena Williams, among others) are choosing power in the world.

What this means in terms of sex and money is that the rigid norms and mores that prescribe certain relationships as "good" or "normal" and proscribe others as "bad" or "immoral" are changing ... just not fast enough to suit some.

In practical terms, women are now freer to shift into yang mode, go out and make a lot of money, and choose any kind of mate they want. It means that sweet, gentle, sensitive men are no longer limited by fixed notions of what it means to be "a real man." They are free to be emotional, artistic, sensual and yes, beautiful. It means that heterosexuals are now exploring the full range of their energy -- both sexual and financial -- just as LGBT men and women have been daring to do for years.

Men and women both have more freedom to seek and find their own personal comfort zone along the dialectical continuum between yin and yang, feminine and masculine, passive energy and active energy.

These days, it matters less who brings home the money, as long as somebody does. It doesn't matter who does the seducing, so long as both partners are happy with their sex life together. Couples may decide that they want to share and contribute in kind -- so they both bring home the bacon and fry it up together. They may take turns being on top in the bedroom, too.

And who knows? A tough economy may play a key role in changing norms about sex and money, as both partners often have to work outside the home just to keep a roof over their heads. Bringing money into the partnership is not a matter of choice in a recession -- it's a necessity. Yin must shift into yang mode -- whether she wants to or not - for the couple to survive.

However, we shouldn't underestimate Mother Nature. Tens of thousands of years of mating instincts and behavior still exert a powerful influence on us today, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. Many men still want sex and will trade money to get it, while many women still want security and will trade sex to get it. We've come a long way, baby ... but we ain't there yet.

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Money And Sex: The Mating Game In The 21st Century

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Men look at women a sex objects; women look at men as success objects. Women like men who are generous with money; men like women who are generous in bed. A man fantasizes about a woman who'll rock his world in the sack; a woman fantasizes about a man who'll rock her world at Tiffany's.