# data[].attributes.body
well not really but it sure as hell feels like it

# data[].attributes.body
hey bud my wrist is broken

# data[].attributes.body
the better question is whats not wrong

# data[].attributes.body
i mean no one would miss me

# data[].attributes.body
can i jump off a cliff and fall 2 the depths of hell and just stay dead?

# data[].attributes.body
IK it was gross

# data[].attributes.body
ok whats wrong now

# data[].attributes.body
will frickin flashed me, like all his chest, yoinks then he tried 2 again and i was like uh no

# data[].attributes.body
seigel? wtf hahahahaha

# data[].attributes.body
okie dokie

# data[].attributes.body
i sorry but i have a bigger problem, well problems

# data[].attributes.body
also im going to try to sit at the table where shawn sits because those are my friends too but if all else backfires ill sit with you or something

# data[].attributes.body
My stomach hurts help

# data[].attributes.body
eh im fine ig

# data[].attributes.body
whatever ik what she meant and yes ur defending her

# data[].attributes.body
ok damn if you believe that then you believe that but hi hows your day going

# data[].attributes.body
im done being called a hoe and im done with fucking life and all the bitches and assholes in it, go ahead choose her, im done with the motherfucking drama im done with fake ass friends im done with it all a tru friend woudlnt fucking say it and a tru friend wouldnt be doing this shit

# data[].attributes.body
dude you just dont simply understand what she meant. she never once called you a hoe or even implied it either. and i aint chosing sides or trying to defend one person she just worded things different which lead you to interpret something else.

# data[].attributes.body
ya well im done having 2 defend myself

# data[].attributes.body
i already tried 2 explain myself im done she can go suck one idgaf

# data[].attributes.body
I saw like three of them in creative living last period thats why i know some of the situation

# data[].attributes.body
if you dont want to hear that then just simply tell her ill get the point across to her if she hesitates

# data[].attributes.body
u wanna see the fucking messages?

# data[].attributes.body
no she didnt she explained to me how she saw the whole situation and felt about it she didnt imply shit. I get you dont want to hear that but thats just what she said to me and you

# data[].attributes.body
BS she implied it, and i get judged for "moving on quickly" and i dont need that shit for her 2 say, no one has the fucking right 2 say that shit 2 me, i have my reasons

# data[].attributes.body
bruh she didnt call you a hoe she just pointed out how quickly you can move on with liking guys or thinking they are cute

# data[].attributes.body
whatever, she still said it she pretty much called me a hoe, u wanna defend her go ahead i dont need 2 defend what i think

# data[].attributes.body
Hannah didn't mean any wrong shit. She was doing elearning with my last period and worded it different than she meant it. I know she did.

# data[].attributes.body
lol true

# data[].attributes.body
sage we are going to be 60 living together with 4 dogs we dont need no mans

# data[].attributes.body
yaaaaaa

# data[].attributes.body
hey bro

# data[].attributes.body
i almost said "What class are you in?" but remembered you were in choir-

# data[].attributes.body
hey buddy

# data[].attributes.body
wait i read it one the other nvm

# data[].attributes.body
broo math was soo damn awkward

# data[].attributes.body
i told tucker about the whole "thing" i told u and he gave me a look

# data[].attributes.body
why

# data[].attributes.body
hey beech my wrist hurts like hell

# data[].attributes.body
we can use r study guide during the test?!

# data[].attributes.body
just took my social studies test but we could use our study guide so im pretty sure i got a hundred if i didnt imma be so pissed at myself lol

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Most days, I don't mind being single. It's pretty great actually. There's a wonderful freedom that comes from being completely and utterly unattached. However, some days, I do mind. It gets lonely. And today is one of those days, so I'm going to talk about it.

*Here's a cue for those who are going to say that I need to stop 'complaining' and do something if singlehood bothers me so much - go ahead and make your comment and move on with your day.

Finding a partner and building a life is such a staple expectation that everyone has about growing old, and I think that's why we can feel so empty when we don't have that. We're conditioned to believe that everything else in life is secondary. Building a career, having hobbies, finding fulfillment. All of it comes after getting married and having kids. And maybe that's how it should be. I don't know. What I do know is that that puts a hell of a lot of pressure on dating. And that's terrifying for people like me who just cannot, for whatever reason, get a handle on this whole dating thing.

A summary of my romantic history:

10-years-old: A boy LIKE-liked me for two months. He was popular (on the basketball team *swoon*). For about a week, classmates in my reading class hotly debated whether or not he was going to hold my hand in between social studies and band. (Spoiler alert: he didn't.)

21-years-old: A very drunk man invited me to a birthday party he was having the following day. He called me beautiful. That was both the first and last time that ever happened to me.

Are we all caught up? Fantastic.

The way I see it, there are two possible reasons as to why I'm single and always have been.

Option 1:
I'm a hideous troll monster and the very sight of me physically repulses men.

Option 2:
My personality is capital T, capital W The Worst and men cannot stand to be in my presence for longer than 5 minutes before they want to gouge their eardrums out with a dull spork.

Of the two options, I would much prefer that I'm single because I'm a hideous troll monster. I can change that. I can go jogging (*weeps into the void at the thought*), forgo brownies and ravioli (*screams in vain as all sound is carried away by the wind*), and actually attempt to master the art of make-up (*shrugs, yeah that's do-able*).

But why? Let's say that I get in shape and wear make-up, and I'm swarmed by all those mythical male beings that I've heard might actually exist. Am I to live in fear that the moment I gain a few pounds or lay off the make-up routine that I'll suddenly become unlovable again?

I never like to explore the second option. That it's just me. People don't like me.

There's a unique kind of blow that your confidence takes when you've been virtually invisible to the opposite sex for your entire life. When the bouncer at the bar grins and tells your friend that her ID photo doesn't do her justice and then barely gives you a first glance as he waves you through a moment later. When guys come to you for advice on how to ask out your friend. When the only people that ask for your phone number are CVS cashiers trying to apply your membership discount. (On the bright side, I'm fairly certain that I could commit any crime and get away with it.)

As each year passes and nothing changes, you get more and more used to it. You joke about getting cats and saving tons of money on Valentines and anniversary presents, while simultaneously grieving. Grieving because you didn't get that young love. There weren't any sleepless nights spent texting that person that gave you butterflies with each letter sent. You didn't get to sneak out of your parents' house and meet them in "your spot." You didn't get to hold someone's hand for the first time and be the first person to hold their hand, and feel excitement and terror bubble up in your stomach from being in such uncharted territory.

You didn't get any of that and now you're at an age where hooking up is commonplace and you're still hoping that maybe someone wants to hold your hand sometime.

You feel as if Life has moved on without you and as more and more time passes you have less and less of an idea of where you're even supposed to start.

On the best days, it's a nagging worry in the back of your mind, like that squash in your fridge that you keep forgetting to cook. On the worst days, it's overwhelming.

You get to the point where all those milestones that other people look fondly back upon are burdens for you. You have to either bury the idea that your first kiss will be "special" and just "get it over with" so you're a little less different than all your friends, or you can keep holding out hope that someday someone will come around and they'll be okay with taking everything as fast or as slow as you need.

And maybe I'm just stubborn. Maybe I'm making everything much more complicated than it needs to be. That's very possible. I've had ample time to over think absolutely everything.

I don't want some fairy tale, but I want someone to like me for who I am. I'm not going to change myself to fit some mold that feels inauthentic and foreign and leaves a shell of a person that even I cannot recognize in the mirror. This is who I am. Hideous troll monster warts and all. If that means I'll be on my own until my cats and I revert to star dust, then so be it. I am who I am, and most days that's enough.

Related

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Read This If You Feel Like You're Going To Be Single Forever

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Most days, I don't mind being single. It's pretty great actually. There's a wonderful freedom that comes from being completely and utterly unattached. However, some days, I do mind. It gets lonely. And today is one of those days, so I'm going to talk about it.

# data[].attributes.body
hey paaallllll

# data[].attributes.body
hey buddyyyyy

# data[].attributes.body
nope but ok

# data[].attributes.body
youll be fine

# data[].attributes.body
sage.just.wait.

# data[].attributes.body
no im done

# data[].attributes.body
yes you will you just dont know it

# data[].attributes.body
even if it takes months or years, wait

# data[].attributes.body
youll find someone when the time is right just wait

# data[].attributes.body
whatever im never gonna find someone

# data[].attributes.body
no you arent going to be alone sage damn

# data[].attributes.body
i get you were close but still

# data[].attributes.body
ya well im done opening up, ima be alone forever and no one will love me and if im lucky ill get hit by a bus or shot in the head soon

# data[].attributes.body
well he is still his own self and if he wants to act like a dick then drop him he can do as he pleases

# data[].attributes.body
we were really close and will people stop bringing up that we werent dating!

# data[].attributes.body
i miss how close me and tucker were and he wont even stand by me in the morning, hopefully he'll answer his padlet so we can actually talk, im sad

# data[].attributes.body
oh well yall werent really dating so its not as bad as it wouldve been if you guys were closer

# data[].attributes.body
ya ik ima cry

# data[].attributes.body
ew cooties

# data[].attributes.body
what

# data[].attributes.body
iiiiii boorrreeedddd and we have 2 talk about sex in sci

# data[].attributes.body
hey bitch

# data[].attributes.body
what

# data[].attributes.body
yas

# data[].attributes.body
preach bb

# data[].attributes.body
but im glad i still am

# data[].attributes.body
ya well boys suck

# data[].attributes.body
and to think i almost wasnt with shawn

# data[].attributes.body
ya

# data[].attributes.body
same

# data[].attributes.body
ya ima stay a virgin until at least 16

# data[].attributes.body
ikr

# data[].attributes.body
yuck

# data[].attributes.body
its kennedy its her specialty

# data[].attributes.body
i dont understand how u go from innocent 2 full on whore

# data[].attributes.body
mhm

# data[].attributes.body
its nasty

# data[].attributes.body
13 yos shouldnt be fucking and deepthroating guys

# data[].attributes.body
yeah

# data[].attributes.body
especially what she did with skylar

# data[].attributes.body
same here

# data[].attributes.body
recently i think she def is

# data[].attributes.body
i kinda do in some ways

# data[].attributes.body
do you

# data[].attributes.body
ya

# data[].attributes.body
eh it depends on how you look at it

# data[].attributes.body
do u think kennedys a hoe?

# data[].attributes.body
kinda annoying

# data[].attributes.body
kinds

# data[].attributes.body
yeah

# data[].attributes.body
still i respect her decision but ew

# data[].attributes.body
well like idk its kin

# data[].attributes.body
she told me in 1st period

# data[].attributes.body
oh ok

# data[].attributes.body
ya ik

# data[].attributes.body
so kennedy is dating mitch now

# data[].attributes.body
ya well i cant help it

# data[].attributes.body
dont talk like that fucking hell