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peer editing form ( adam )

what is the topic of the paragraph?

Disadvantages of online learning

what is the topic sentence?

Fully online conducted classes can affect Highschool students negatively.

does the topic sentence have a controlling idea?

Yes. “ …affect Highschool students negatively ”

Do all the supporting sentences relate to the topic sentence and controlling idea?

yes.

does the paragraph have a concluding sentence?

No, it does not. The concluding sentence for this paragraph could be “ In conclusion, online learning has its disadvantages such as discouragement to students, social life being at stake and increasing students laziness. ”

are transitional words and phrases correctly used?

No

what do you like best about this paragraph?

What I like the best about this paragraph is the supporting sentences as they were explained in detailed.

is there any place where you want more information?

Yes, at the third main point as it sounded like an advantage instead of a disadvantage

peer editing 2 ( ethan and kris )

what is the topic of the paragraph?

Disadvantages of online learning

what is the topic sentence?

there is no topic sentence in the paragraph

does the topic sentence have a controlling idea?

No

Do all the supporting sentences relate to the topic sentence and controlling idea?

yes.

does the paragraph have a concluding sentence?

No, it does not. The concluding sentence could be “ To conclude, online learning may not be easy for several students as it requires focus, materials, technology, and a lot of attention. ”

are transitional words and phrases correctly used?

Yes.

what do you like best about this paragraph?

What I like the best about this paragraph is the main points.

is there any place where you want more information?

Yes. The topic sentence could be more clear to readers.

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HY’s paragraph

1. Advantages of Using a Cashless Payment

2. Usage of cashless payment  in college students’ daily lives has seen a sharp increase due to the advantages that it provides to them.

3. Yes: the increase in the usage of cashless payment as a result of its advantages.

4. Yes

5. Yes: in conclusion, cashless payments provides various benefits to college students as they can make payment more easily, secure their money's safety, and receive additional rewards.

6. Yes

7. It has 3 clear points and sufficient information to back said points up.

8. no

Mina’s paragraph

1. Psychological effects of abuse

2. Being abused can lead to many psychological effects on a human being.

3. Yes: the psychological effects of abuse on humans.

4. Yes

5. Yes: In conclusion, a victim of abuse would suffer from many psychological effects such as a poor mental and emotional health, attachment issues, and possibly PTSD.

6. Yes

7. It expounds well on its points

8. no

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Peer Editing Form 2
Reader: Kris and Ethan

1. What is the topic of the paragraph?
Advantages of using a cashless payment.

2. What is the topic sentence?
Usage of cashless payments in college students' daily lives has seen a sharp increase due to the advantages that it provides to them.

3. Does the topic sentence have a controlling idea?
Yes.

4. Do all the supporting sentences relate to the topic sentence and controlling idea?
Yes.

5. Does the paragraph have a concluding sentence?
Write it and/or suggest one.
yes.

6. Are transitional words and phrases correctly used?
Yes.

7. What do you like best about this paragraph?
The concluding sentence conveys a good message about using cashless payment more often.

8. Is there any place where you want more information?
More examples about the vouchers or discounts given to students.

Adam's paragraph

1.  What is the topic of the paragraph?
Drawbacks of online learning.

2.  What is the topic sentence?
Fully online conducted classes can affect high school students negatively

3. Does the topic sentence have a controlling idea?
Yes

4. Do all the supporting sentences relate to the topic sentence and controlling idea?
Yes

5. Does the paragraph have a concluding sentence?
No.
6. Are transitional words and phrases correctly used?
"all in all" has a comma splice

7. What do you like best about this paragraph?
The vocabulary used to describe the issue.

8. Is there any place where you want more information?
How it is easier to communicate with the teacher in a physical class.

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HY: PEER REVIEW of MINA'S & ADAM'S PARAGRAPH

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HY: PEER REVIEW of MINA'S & ADAM'S PARAGRAPH

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1. Psychological Effects of Abuse (Mina)
2.Drawbacks of Online Learning (Adam)

What is the topic of paragraph?
1: Abuse
2: Online learning

What is the topic sentence?
1: "Being abused can lead to many psychological effects on a human being."
-while we understand subject is a human being, from writing aspect the subject is unclear, who or what is being abused?
-e.g. "Pets being abused can lead to many psychological effects on a human being"

2: "Fully online conducted classes can affect Highschool students negatively."
-incorrect capitalization of "Highschool"
- improper spelling of high school

Does topic sentence have a controlling idea?
If none, write/ suggest
1: The controlling idea is the psychological effects of abuse on a human being.

2: The controlling idea is the negative effects of fully online classes.

Do all supporting sentences relate to the topic sentence and controlling idea?
If no, explain.
1: "Aside from the immediate physical injuries they experience through maltreatment, a victims reaction to abuse or neglect can have a lifelong effect."
-does not elaborate upon psychological effects.
-a victim's reaction may not only be psychological

2: Yes

Does paragraph have concluding sentence?
No, suggest.
1: Yes, which is "In conclusion, a victim of abuse would suffer from many psychological effects such as a poor mental and emotional health, attachment issues, and possibly PTSD. "
-"possibly" should be omitted to avoid unsure tone to the text.

2: No.
- In the long run, fully online conducted classes will lead to the degeneration of high school students as a whole and threaten the prosperity of the country, thus it should be conducted wisely to reduce its negative effects while boosting the quality of the students' education.

Are transitional words & phrases correctly used?
No, explain
1: All correctly used.

2: No
"All in all an online conducted class is also far less interactive..."
- a comma should be put in after the phrase "All in all,"

What do you like best about paragraph?
1.: It elaborate upon the less touched upon effects of abuse, which are from the psychological aspect.

2: The usage of 'jeopardy' is done wonderfully.

Is there any place where you want more information?
Yes, elaborate.
1: Further elaboration upon how attachment issues would affect a person's social or romantic life.

2: No.

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Drawbacks of online learning (ethan and kris)

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Drawbacks of online learning (ethan and kris)

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Online learning can be difficult for college students because they would have to pay a lot of attention . For an instance, online learning requires a lot of necessities and materials for student which can be expensive. Several students cant afford all the materials such as, internet connection required for classes and the technology that is used for daily purposes. Moreover, online learning requires students to pay extra attention. Online learning does not seem as easy as it looks. This is because of the distracting surrounding around the students. Students tend to feel lazy in an comfortable surrounding at home. In addition, online learning can be difficult especially for the teachers due to the learning environment. For an example, teachers won't have the ability to watch over students through out the entire class which leaves the students feeling bold about doing other things during class such as watching youtube or playing games. Last but not least, network problems gives students an opportunity to lie about their connection during class.

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Now, choose two of your friends' paragraph. Each student is to review a paragraph and answer the questions in the peer editing form attached.

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Now, choose two of your friends' paragraph. Each student is to review a paragraph and answer the questions in the peer editing form attached.

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Being abused can lead to many psychological effects on a human being. Aside from the immediate physical injuries they experience through maltreatment, a victims reaction to abuse or neglect can have a lifelong effect. One of the psychological effects abuse can lead to is a poor mental and emotional health. Those who have experience with abuse or maltreatment are more prone to depression, anxiety, and other disorders throughout their life. A victim with a poor mental health may have suicidal thoughts in their head as they think of it as a way to end their suffering. Besides that, victims may develop attachment issues. The most common attachment a victim would develop is Stockholm Syndrome, which acts as a coping mechanism to an abusive situation. Attachment issues in a person can negatively affect their social or romantic life later on in life. Other than that, victims of abuse may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A common symptom to PTSD is re-experiencing traumatic events related to the abuse which leads to avoiding people, places, and events that were associated with the abuse. Those that treat PTSD with medication may experience an addiction towards it as they try to heal themselves. In conclusion, a victim of abuse would suffer from many psychological effects such as a poor mental and emotional health, attachment issues, and possibly PTSD.

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Fully online conducted classes can affect Highschool students negatively. Online classes tend to be very discouraging as students have to look at their screen for the entire duration of the class. It's also not as easy to communicate with the teacher compared to a physical class. All in all an online conducted class is also far less interactive and this ends up discouraging the student to put their full focus into the class. A student's social life is also at jeopardy. Its hard to make new friends or have much of a social life inside of school if all the classes are attended online. In fact, the prolonged absence of face to face time with peers can also lead to the loss of social skills and in turn would make it hard for students to socialize, come the time. Students attending online classes can afford to be far less disciplined. They don't need to get ready in the morning before classes or go to any specific venue. Students sometimes don't even need to attend their classes at the designated time, they can simply watch the recording of the class at their own time. Getting into this routine can cause students to slowly become lazy.

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HY : Advantages of Using a Cashless Payment 

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HY : Advantages of Using a Cashless Payment 

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Usage of cashless payments in college students’ daily lives has seen a sharp increase due to the advantages that it provides to them. First of all, college students will have more convenience when they are shopping. A simple scan of a QR code or a barcode will settle the job of payment. This saves their time and effort as they don't need to count physical bills. Other than that, college students have more security in the safety of their finances. They do not have to worry about accidentally losing their money due to carelessness.  In addition, in the event of a robbery, only physical cash would be stolen while virtual currency is still within one's grasp. College students can also receive rewards when they use cashless payment. Companies that provides cashless payments services offers rewards to encourage the usage of cashless payments and retain their customer base. College students will be able to obtain more value for the same amount of money if they spend it through cashless payment compared to physical cash. For example, the Touch’ N Go eWallet App in Malaysia offers vouchers or discounts to college students who frequently use the app to make payments.  In conclusion, cashless payments provides various benefits to college students as they can make payment more easily, secure their money's safety, and receive additional rewards.