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13 things mentally strong people won't do

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We all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship. Whatever the challenge, you have to see things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.

It sounds easy, but it isn't.

It's fascinating how mentally strong people set themselves apart from the crowd. Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that mental strength comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. It's easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, mental strength is under your control, and it's a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

When it first appeared to the masses, emotional intelligence served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the most important source of success.

Decades of research now point to EQ being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high EQ.

Emotional intelligence is the "something" in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren't free, so I've analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what you don't do is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.

The beauty of EQ is that it's a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort. Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally intelligent people. If you're up for it, start with these critical things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn't careful.

They don't stay in their comfort zone. Self-awareness is the foundation of EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isn't comfortable. You can't increase your EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look at yourself, you aren't going to like everything you see. It's more comfortable to keep the blinders on, but they make certain that you'll never have a high EQ.

They don't give in to fear. They say that bravery is being scared to death to do something and doing it anyway. Many times, that's true, even when it comes to your career. The fear doesn't have to come from something as extreme as rushing into a burning building; it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, you've already lost. It's not that emotionally intelligent people aren't afraid-they simply pick themselves up and fight on regardless of the fear.

They don't stop believing in themselves. Emotionally intelligent people persevere. They don't give up in the face of failure, and they don't give up because they're tired or uncomfortable. They're focused on their goals, not on momentary feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They don't take failing to mean that they're a failure. Likewise, they don't let the opinions of others keep them from chasing their dreams. When someone says, "You'll never be able to do that," they regard it as one person's opinion, which is all it is.

They don't beg for attention. People who are always begging for attention are needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity. Emotionally intelligent people couldn't care less about attention. They do what they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is stroking their ego.

They don't act like jerks. People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure. They act like jerks because they don't have the emotional strength to be nice when they don't feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the kind of mood they're in.

They don't hold grudges. The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you're holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.

They don't hang around negative people. Negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to negative people because they don't want to be seen as callous or rude, but there's a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear to someone and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. Emotionally intelligent people avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing themselves from negative people when necessary. Think of it this way: If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You'd distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people.

They don't feel sorry for themselves. Here's the worst thing about feeling sorry for yourself, other than it being annoying, of course: it shifts your locus of control outside yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is, in essence, declaring that you're a helpless victim of circumstance. Emotionally intelligent people never feel sorry for themselves because that would mean giving up their power.

They don't feel entitled. Emotionally intelligent people believe that the world is a meritocracy and that the only things that they deserve are those that they earn. People who lack EQ often feel entitled. They think that the world owes them something. Again, it's about locus of control. Emotionally intelligent people know that they alone are responsible for their successes or failures.

They don't close their minds. When people close their minds to new information or opinions, it's typically because they find them threatening. They think that admitting that someone else is right means that they're wrong, and that's very uncomfortable for people lacking EQ. Emotionally intelligent people aren't threatened by new things; they're open to new information and new ideas, even if it means admitting that they are wrong.

They don't let anyone limit their joy. When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something they've done, they don't let anyone's opinions or accomplishments take that away from them. While it's impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don't have to compare yourself with others, and you can always take people's opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain-you're never as good or bad as they say you are.

They don't get eaten up by jealousy and envy. Emotionally intelligent people understand that the happiness and success of others doesn't take away from their own, so jealousy and envy aren't an issue for them. They see success as being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others' successes.

They don't live in the past. Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you'll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that aren't easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can't do this if they're living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you can't allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens-your past becomes your present and prevents you from moving forward.

Improving your emotional intelligence is the single most important thing you can do to advance your career. The good news is that you can make it happen with a little determination, effort, and a good model to follow.

This article is published in collaboration with LinkedIn.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author alone and not the World Economic Forum.

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13 things mentally strong people won't do

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We all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship. Whatever the challenge, you have to see things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.

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Madam ceo get me a coffee is about a women who does a lot for the company but doesn’t get the promotion because she is a women

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15 signs you have emotional intelligence 

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15 signs you have emotional intelligence 

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All people experience emotions, but research shows only 36% of people can accurately identify them as they occur.
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they're going through. It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them.

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Maya Angelou is a writer and she has may beliefs on how creativity and courage are developed. Her latest book is about her mother who was a businesswoman and always believed you must tell the truth and be fair instead of being a cheat in business. Her mother encouraged her to develop courage. She says that building courage is like building physical muscle, you must do small courageous things to develop courage. Much like you must lift smaller weights in order to eventually lift heavier weights.

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EQ affects how we manage behaviour,  social situations and make personal decisions.  people who have average an IQ are more likely to out perform people with a higher IQ.

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15 signs you have emotional intelligence 

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15 signs you have emotional intelligence 

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All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this.

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Any Cuddy, a worker at the Harvard business school has discovered that the way we present our selves can make critical differences in our lives. When in a powerful, demanding posture our minds act the same increasing testosterone and decreasing cortisol making our mind more prepared for something important like a presentation or job interview.

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Amy Cuddy's work is new and adds something to our understanding of the relationship of the mind and the body. She leads us to recognise that our posture can influence our confidence levels.

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90% of top performers have it. Do you?
Dr Travis Bradbury says that 90% of top performers have eq (emotional intelligence)
“Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.” He says. It suggest iq doesn’t make a top performer.

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How to build an enduring, multi-billion dollar business

The article lists business like Netflix, amazon and Uber talking about how they offer more selection and is cheaper than things like a taxi or renting a movie. This makes business desirable for the consumer meaning they will use it more than the other business.

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'I'm busy,' signals you don't have room for friends; be specific or cut back your calendar

I recently asked a friend I haven't seen in months if she wanted to get together and catch up. I envisioned us gabbing over cocktails at the new Vietnamese restaurant in our neighborhood. Or maybe I could fix her dinner.

Her reply: "Sure. Why don't you stop by for 45 minutes to an hour on Monday night around 8:30."

Copyright ©2023 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 87990cbe856818d5eddac44c7b1cdeb8

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'I'm busy' signals you don't want to make room for friends or family. Be specific about what's really taking up your time or cut back your calendar.

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Maya Angelou on Courage and Creativity - HBR

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Maya Angelou on Courage and Creativity - HBR

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15 signs you have emotional intelligence - World Economic Forum

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15 signs you have emotional intelligence - World Economic Forum

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Dr Travis Bradberry looks at the qualities shared by people with emotional intelligence, based on data from more than a million people.

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Bill Gross - A Devotion to New Ideas - Stanford Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders (podcast)

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Bill Gross - A Devotion to New Ideas - Stanford Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders (podcast)

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Bill Gross - A Devotion to New Ideas by Stanford eCorner

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Bill Gross thrives on turning innovative ideas into pioneering companies. He serves as founder and CEO of Idealab, which started over 75 companies since 1996. In this stimulating lecture, he shares how Idealab continues to bring incredible ideas to market, and his personal insights on starting and running successful organizations. Gross also describes the work of eSolar, a spin-off company of Idealab that works to make solar energy cost-competitive in the global marketplace.

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How to build an enduring, multi-billion dollar business - Sarah Tavel

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How to build an enduring, multi-billion dollar business - Sarah Tavel

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In my last post, I wrote that Uber built a multi-billion dollar business by using mobile to create a 10x better product than the incumbent (taxis), and did so at a lower price. The "and", as I wrote, is everything.

What's exciting to me is that Uber is not the first, nor will it be the last. Indeed, when you start to look for it, you realize "[10x product] and save people money" is the undercurrent running through dozens of breakout companies ranging from Airbnb to WhatsApp.

What's Amazon? Endless selection/convenience and the best price.

Remember Netflix's original marketing? More selection/convenience than your neighborhood Blockbuster, and no late fees.

Airbnb is all about unique accommodations and it'scheaper than a hotel.

Skype introduced presence/chat etc, and free international calls. WhatsApp did to international SMS what Skype did to international calls.

Alibaba, Craigslist, CreditKarma, eBay, Expedia, Poshmark, Priceline, Orbitz, Shutterfly, Transferwise, TurboTax, .... I could go on. (Oh, and if you're building one, I'd obviously love to hear from you: sarah at benchmark dot com.)

It shouldn't be a surprise that 10x + cheaper is such a killer combo for consumers. Who doesn't want something better, cheaper? It also happens to be a great catalyst for word of mouth. People love to talk about a new service they discovered that's better and saved them money - telling a friend how to save $20 can feel like actually giving the friend $20.

So how did they do it? Or perhaps more pointedly, how can you do it?

To me, there are two key ingredients:

1. It's about the [10x product]. Saving money is pouring gas on the fire.
As my former Pinterest colleague David Rubin pointed out to me, your service shouldn't lead with "saving money". You must create an offering that is so compelling, it stands by itself in the consumer's mind.

Case in point: when I first started to talk to people about my thesis, they'd push back. "Uber is just so much better than a taxi." "Amazon is all about convenience." "Airbnb is experiences you can't get at a hotel." Of course, they're right, but it's the "and" that accelerated the behavior change for most people. The 10x product is what kept those people as customers.

If you can get people to take your price advantage for granted, you've won. If on the other hand, your brand becomes more identified with saving money, then that's likely because your offering isn't sufficiently differentiated. Saving money is the feature. This puts incredible downward pressure on a company's unit economics. It's a lot harder to build an enduring business if you're forced to constantly optimize for price. Think: flash sale and deal sites.

The one exception I'd add here is that "free" is its own 10x product. If you can offer something for free that used to cost lots of people money (I'm looking at you Skype and Robinhood), growth will be the least of your worries.

2. Use technology to recast incumbent cost structures.
Okay, so you've got a 10x service. That's the easy part. Providing the 10x product cheaper in a sustainable way is where the rubber hits the road.

The key is to use technology to recast incumbent cost structures. This creates a structural cost advantage, and if you have economies of scale or network effects, an advantage that can endure as you grow.

Here are some of the strategies companies have used to do this:

E-Commerce

E-Commerce companies disrupted brick and mortar retailers by centralizing operations and benefiting from economies of scale.

Sharing economy

The "sharing" economy enables companies to unlock latent value in underutilized assets, and by doing so disrupts asset heavy approaches.

Peer to peer marketplaces

P2P marketplaces eliminate broker fees and middlemen, letting them pass savings to participants in their marketplace and reducing operation costs.

"Full stack" startups

More broadly, " full stack " startups use technology to fundamentally rethink services and disrupt the incumbents.

Emerging: AI, virtual reality, others?

Fast forward, and I've got to imagine that in addition to the existing techniques I mentioned, emerging technologies like AI and virtual reality will create a new class of 10x products that save consumers money.

For example, imagine not having to travel to the Serengeti because you can have an experience in virtual reality that's just like being on a safari, or getting a prescription almost immediately because you've been diagnosed by a neural network.

It's hard not to get excited for future startups capitalizing on these strategies.

What do you think? What emerging companies do you see doing this? I'd love to hear from you.

Follow me on Twitter @sarahtavel.

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How to build an enduring, multi-billion dollar business

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In my last post, I wrote that Uber built a multi-billion dollar business by using mobile to create a 10x better product than the incumbent (taxis), and did so at a lower price. The "and", as I wrote...

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In a culture where being social and outgoing are prized above all else, it can be difficult, even shameful, to be an introvert. But, as Susan Cain argues in this passionate talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world, and should be encouraged and celebrated.

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How Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are - TED Talk

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How Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are - TED Talk

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Your body language may shape who you are

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(NOTE: Some of the findings presented in this talk have been referenced in an ongoing debate among social scientists about robustness and reproducibility. Read “Corrections & Updates” below for more details as well as Amy Cuddy’s response.) Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy argues that “power posing” -- standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident -- can boost feelings of confidence, and might have an impact on our chances for success.

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Madam C.E.O., Get Me a Coffee - NY Times

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Madam C.E.O., Get Me a Coffee - NY Times

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Opinion | Madam C.E.O., Get Me a Coffee (Published 2015)

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The sad reality in workplaces: Women help more but benefit less from it.

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The year 1777 was not a particularly good time for America's newly formed revolutionary army. Under General George Washington's command, some 11,000 soldiers made their way to Valley Forge. Following the latest defeat in a string of battles that left Philadelphia in the hands of British forces, these tired, demoralized, and poorly equipped early American heroes knew they now faced another devastating winter.

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