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Ask Questions to Show that you Authentically Care for the Family and Child

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Ask Questions to Show that you Authentically Care for the Family and Child

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This article suggests some questions that teachers and other educators can utilize to learn more about families, build empathy and foster productive family-school partnerships.

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Teacher relationships with parents can be tense: we educate other people's children, and miscommunication, lack of understanding and empathy, and misaligned values can all contribute to relational challenges. However, it is one of our most important roles as educators to engage empathetically with even the most challenging family relationships. We do our best work for students when we educate the whole child, and the whole child includes that child's parents, family or caregivers. Just as with our students, authentic and caring relationships are the foundation to a safe and caring school environment.

All these this is especially true with the parents or caregivers of our most challenging students. Sometimes when we are frustrated with students' behavior, it can be easy to blame a student's home life, be exasperated that family expectations are different than those in school, or feel that parents "just don't care." It's a fact that challenges at home often translate into challenges at school, but that fact sets our work in motion rather than halting it. To make change, we must partner with families and caregivers. With the parents of the students who challenge us the most, we must in turn challenge ourselves to reach for empathy and curiosity instead of blame.

Here are a few ways to spark connection and empathy with the parents of your most challenging student.
"What is amazing about your child?"
This is especially important to ask if you are feeling frustrated or hopeless about a student's progress on a regular basis. Challenge yourself to really listen to families about the special and amazing things about their children, even (and especially!) the things that have nothing to do with academics. These interests, strengths and passions might be the key to your own development of positive relationship with that student.

What happens if a parent shrugs or sighs and says, "nothing, nothing is amazing about my child"? You'll find this to be a pretty rare response, and if you hear it, use it as a clue that the parent in question likely needs more support and may be feeling equally frustrated, burned out or overwhelmed. If you notice yourself feeling judgemental of a parent's commentary about their child, ask more questions: be curious and dig in about how the caregiver may be feeling and what context might surround this, rather than making assumptions.
"What has school been like for your child in the years before this? What was school like for you?"
When my student has a parent who seems disengaged, angry or fearful in our interactions, it's a clue to me that something feels not okay about our interactions. Sometimes this is about me - I may be communicating in a way that doesnt work for that family - but sometimes it can be about what "school" means for that person, family, or culture. Maybe my student's mom had a really negative experience with a teacher and doesn't trust me to do something different for her child. Maybe my student's sibling is struggling and the family isn't getting the support they need from the district. Or maybe my student's family doesn't trust institutions in general, and schools specifically.

I need to own not only my own actions but my role as a representative of the institution of school and find ways to build bridges and rewrite negative scripts. Hearing a history of my student's and their family's experience of school might shed some light on where we can start.
"How can I help?"
As a teacher, it isn't your role to solve all of your students' family's challenges, but as human beings, we can be in service to one another by offering caring outreach. If my student is struggling because she's hungry every morning, it may not be my role to solve her family's food insecurity, but it is absolutely my role to make a connection between that family and a local food shelf, social service agency, or the school counselor. An extra phone call or email may only take a few minutes out of my day, but may make a world of difference as a gesture of care.

Additionally, we must model vulnerability and be willing to really hear if what a parent needs is for us to change our classroom practice. When we communicate that it's okay to question our methods, collaborate on our practices, and problem-solve together, we invite further conversation. If we shut down suggestions by saying, "I'm the teacher and I know best" - either through our words or our actions - then we are very clearly communicating that we don't actually want parent involvement. Instead, we can at minimum test out strategies or approaches parents offer. Sometimes, these end up being some of the best classroom experiences!
"I care about your child and I care about you. I won't give up on you or your child."
Make sure students, families, and caregivers know without a doubt that you care and that you won't give up. Even when you don't have a solution to a challenge, say "I don't know, but I want to work together to figure it out." This is especially important in moments of conflict and tension.

During a tense phone call with a student's parent, I reminded myself to slow down, take a deep breath, and say out loud to her: "It might not feel like it while we're having this conversation, but I really care about your daughter and think she's funny, brilliant and so capable. I have hope that she will persevere, and that we can work on it together." That moment shifted the tone of our conversation and our relationship. We reminded one another why we were there, and in service of the student as a whole child, we moved forward together.
The Big Picture
Relationships with our students' parents, families and caregivers aren't easy because human relationships aren't easy. If you read these questions and immediately think, "those parents can't..." or "those parents won't...," challenge yourself to increase your compassion and remind yourself that building trust takes time. When we approach with an empathetic stance, we can move more effectively toward caring and reciprocal relationships that benefit the students we teach.

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Building Empathetic Relationships with the Parents of Your Most Challenging Student | Edutopia

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Teacher relationships with parents can be tense: we educate other people's children, and miscommunication, lack of understanding and empathy, and misaligned values can all contribute to relational challenges. However, it is one of our most important roles as educators to engage empathetically with even the most challenging family relationships.

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Prior to re-entering school, a student who is out of school on a “time-out” engages in a re-entry conference with his or her parents/guardians, the assistant principal, the student’s counselor, and any other relevant persons. The intent of this meeting is to focus on restoring any harm that has resulted from the student’s action, and restoring relationships.
Manitou Springs School District
Click on the image below to view the strategy.

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The treasure map consists of a small 3-ring binder where teachers have placed separate tabs with the information that they as home-room teachers or from school need to communicate and pass along to parents.
Submitted by: University Hill Elementary
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Student-led Advanced Learning Plan (ALP) Conferences

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Student-led Advanced Learning Plan (ALP) Conferences

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At the start of the school year, set up a time for students to lead a collaborative ALP development process.
Click on the image below to view the strategy.

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Family Reading Night at the Local Library

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Family Reading Night at the Local Library

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In order to foster and strengthen family engagement in literacy development, Wamsley Elementary School hosts Family Literacy Night at the local library.
Wamsley Elementary, Garfield Re-2 School District
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Colorín Colorado -- Guide to Engaging ELL Families

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Colorín Colorado -- Guide to Engaging ELL Families

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Check out this very robust guide to engaging ELL families published by Colorín Colorado.
Click on the image below to view the strategy.

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Include Books from Kids' Native Language

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Include Books from Kids' Native Language

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Allowing kids to access books in their native language supports content learning and shows that the school values the cultural heritage of all its families.
Colorin Colorado
Copy and paste the link below into a new tab to view a list of recommend books.
https://goo.gl/pYPEsS

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Parent Surveys about their Student's Engagement 

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Parent Surveys about their Student's Engagement 

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Using data from parent survey to increase student engagement through targeted interventions
Submitted by: Louisville Middle School

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Parent Breakfasts to Celebrate Positive Behavior

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Parent Breakfasts to Celebrate Positive Behavior

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At Vivian Elementary School, rewarding the positive behavior of students is recognized as important for student success. They are able to demonstrate their success to their parents when they come for a breakfast, and enjoy their success together.
Vivian Elementary School, Lakewood, CO
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Submit a Suggestion for the Toolbox.
https://goo.gl/i4Y3Za

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Teachers and/or school staff drive to low-income neighborhoods with leveled books for student checkout.
Submitted by: Whittier Elementary
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Use "Half and Half Letters" to solicit feedback from families, get input about a new policy, or ensure a communication is received.
Working Together Toolkit
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Conferences are held 3 times a year (beginning, mid term, end of year) individually with the student's advisory teacher and parents/guardian.
Submitted by: CHOICE Program at Platt Middle School
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One of the most pressing basic needs of families and students is access to food over weekend breaks. Staff at Kenton Elementary in Aurora Public Schools planned and implemented the Totes for Hope program to address this need.
Kenton Elementary, Aurora Public Schools
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Use this checklist to determine how your school can create a family-friendly atmosphere at school.
Working Together Toolkit
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WORKSHOP FOR STAFF: How to De-Escalate a Heated Situation with Parents

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WORKSHOP FOR STAFF: How to De-Escalate a Heated Situation with Parents

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Sometimes parents and/or guardians get escalated when talking about concerns for their children; educators will be provided tools to help them know how to make the conversation more productive.
Submitted by: BVSD Department of Student Support

Click on the image below to view the strategy.

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Parent Greeters provide a welcome reception for students and visitors as well as front desk support during the morning rush hour.

Submitted by: Louisville Middle School
https://goo.gl/e2g9Cp

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Sharing information with families on what occurs throughout the school day helps families better understand how they can best support their child’s academics and how they can best partner with the school. At Laredo Elementary School in Aurora, staff accomplish this by inviting parents to Take Your Parent to School Day.
Laredo Elementary School, Aurora Public Schools
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Parent Visit Nights to Showcase Kid's Work

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Parent Visit Nights to Showcase Kid's Work

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Parent Visit Nights where Kids Showcase Work the parents have the opportunity to learn what the students  are doing during their time in class
Submitted by: Community Montessori
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Parents meet and interact with other parents from their child's grade level outside of school.
Submitted by: Foothill Elementary
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The Creating Community Committee works to further strengthen the close community environment they oversee community activities.  These activities are not fundraisers.
Submitted by: Flatirons Elementary School

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This is a mechanism to facilitate communications from PTA/PTO to parents and for parents to communicate with each other. This strategy creates a standardized set of email lists, one per classroom.
Submitted by: BCSIS
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The Parent Shindig is an opportunity, outside of the schoolhouse, for parents and school staff to see each other in a different venus, allowing for collaboration, networking, and social interaction.
Submitted by: Louisville Middle School
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The Casey Fall "Fiesta" celebration includes a dinner, for a nominal fee, which includes food from a local area restaurant and homemade entrees
cooked by many of Casey’s Latino families.
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A current family has an open house, early in the week before the first day of school, for new families and their currently enrolled "match" family.  Both new and match families get together for this event.  This ensures all new students know a familiar face before the first day of school.
Submitted by: Flatirons Elementary School
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At orientation, new families are divided into small groups and parent volunteers facilitate a discussion with them about daily routines and there is time for questions.
Submitted by: Coal Creek Elementary
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Volunteer veteran, or "seasoned", Louisville Middle School parents serve as mentors to new, incoming families to make the transition to a new school as seamless and welcoming as possible.
Submitted by: Louisville Middle School
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Kindergarten Round Up is an outreach event for prospective kindergarten families. We have a pizza party provided by BVSD, then we have a mini-kindergarten experience for all incoming kinders and siblings, as well as an information session with parents.
Submitted by: Nederland Elementary
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Discuss at a staff meeting how to find appropriate, positive ways to talk about kids with families and with each other.
Working Together Toolkit
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During these gatherings,  fathers to come together to make connections with other male parents, ask questions, and find out about PTA and school activities where their presence and support is needed.
Submitted by: Coal Creek Elementary
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The goal of the Denver Public Schools home visit program is to establish meaningful relationships between school and family, and to establish the expectation for joint responsibility for student achievement.
Denver Public Schools
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Classroom Checklist: Welcoming All Cultures

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Classroom Checklist: Welcoming All Cultures

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Have teachers at your school use this checklist to determine how welcoming their classrooms are to newcomer and immigrant students and families.
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A school-wide family grams practice provides families with regular progress updates with tips on how they can help.
Working Together Toolkit
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Create a school-wide initiative to make 5 positive phone or post cards home per week to help build positive relationships with families.
Working Together Toolkit
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Anderson Elementary staff and invited community partners walked the Anderson neighborhood and welcomed families back to school on the Friday before school started.
Click on the image below to view the strategy.

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Teachers schedule conferences with parents offered at community centers near students homes far from school to help parents with very limited time and perhaps no mode of transport be able to meet with their child's teacher.
Submitted by: Casey Middle School
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Individual Consultations for New Families

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Individual Consultations for New Families

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Counselors and community liaison conduct an initial welcome meeting with families to welcome new families to the school, explain about available school supports and to listen about families’ goals for their kids.
Submitted by: Arapahoe Campus
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Callback Number for Autodials in Another Language

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Callback Number for Autodials in Another Language

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To reduce the number of callbacks from families who didn’t listen to the message, record the same message that was included on the auto-dial on the voicemail of the designated line.
Submitted by: Boulder High School
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The International coffee chat is intended to create an informal venue for parents of ELD students to pose questions and enlist resources. The purpose behind this practice is to assure that we are reaching all parent groups and eliminating any barriers that families face in building partnerships with our administration and staff.
Submitted by: Eldorado K-8
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Cafecitos ("coffee chats"), often held at community locations, are a way for school staff and parents to come together and share information in a relaxed setting.
Submitted by: University Hill Elementary
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Create Welcome Videos in Multiple Languages

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Create Welcome Videos in Multiple Languages

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Create  videos in multiple languages that welcome families to the school community, explains about school/District processes and provides some information about how the education
Albemarle Public Schools, Virginia
Click on the link below to access the full description and all videos.
https://goo.gl/4ZpMqi

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Uploaded by Albemarle County ESOL Program on 2014-09-08.