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I AM DOG

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I AM DRAGON- jeff

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The student could have given more evidence and focused more on the tone and mood that the author created

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It could have included the journalistic approach of idealistic explanations present in the first text, it did state that it evoked pictures, but I think there was a stark difference in this convention rather than the tone of the letter. The letter on the other hand had heat to it, and was simply stating points because there was no need for idealism. 

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It could have included the journalistic approach of idealistic explanations present in the first text, it did state that it evoked pictures, but I think there was a stark difference in this convention rather than the tone of the letter. The letter on the other hand had heat to it, and was simply stating points because there was no need for idealism. 

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the students could have discussed more on how the word choice is affecting the writing. For example, different rhetorical devices, or how specific words change the mood and tome of the text.

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The students could have also noted how the words they used affected the overall comparative nature of the text

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The student could have elaborated more on the letter in the way they did the article. The student pulled more quotes and evidence from the article than they did the letter.

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In the student response, the writer could have addressed rhetorical devices used throughout the text. Also, more evidence could have been provided in paragraphs 4-5.

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The student could have mentioned the effects of the form, structure, and language. The effect it has on the audience could have been mentioned as well.For example, they could've mentioned the imagery and the effect it creates upon the reader. 

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The student could have mentioned the effects of the form, structure, and language. The effect it has on the audience could have been mentioned as well.For example, they could've mentioned the imagery and the effect it creates upon the reader. 

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The student could have talked about the language used and how it has an effect on the mood the audience takes away from the text

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They could have talked about prepositions and movement which would be  under structure

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The student could have discussed how form and structure was used when comparing the two pieces. For instance, they could have mentioned the types of sentences used, as well as the paragraph lengths used.

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The student response could have explained that the letter included an introduction that is to the point whereas the original text uses a longer introduction to introduce the audience to the topic through the thoughts of Londoners.

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The student could have mentioned the difference in length of articles, and could have included more examples of different word choice and tone in each of the texts.  

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The student could have mentioned the difference in length of articles, and could have included more examples of different word choice and tone in each of the texts.  

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The student could have addressed the different registers in the article compared to the letter. Could have mentioned physically how the letter looks compared to the article. 

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The student could have addressed the different registers in the article compared to the letter. Could have mentioned physically how the letter looks compared to the article. 

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2) The student could have explained the different rhetorical devices used in each text more in depth.
3) The student could have provided evidence backing up the authoritative and formal tone of the letter.

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The student could have provided evidence in paragraph 5 when discussing the professionalism of the letter and the authoritative tone.

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The students could have gone deeper into the understanding of the different ways they used form and structure to construct their paragraphs

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The student could have backed up his statements with quotations from the text to provide credibility to his statements regarding POV and the overall tone.

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3- In paragraph 5, where the student addresses the tone of the letter from the employer, the student could have included examples of the employer's personal feelings, such as "We need them, and they need London," thus proving the employer's desperation.