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Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and other social media sites are godsends to kids and teens who want to get in touch and know what is going on with their friends or relatives.  By just opening an app or a website, they can communicate with and learn about all the people who are important to them.

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Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites are godsends to kids and teens who want to get in touch and know what is going on with their friends or relatives. By just opening an app or a website, they can communicate with and learn about all the people who are important to them (at least those who are signed in to the same network).

But like many things that people are passionate about, there are detractors to social networking. When it comes to kids and teens, many studies argues that social media has bad effects on the kids' minds - and the damage could be long-term and irrevocable. On the other hand, defenders are quick to point out that kids on social networking are increasing their social interaction while wiring their brains to adapt to new technology.

BAD EFFECTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON TEENS AND KIDS

The one common bad effect of social media is addiction - the constant checking of Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or other social media updates. Experts believe that knowing what's going on with friends and what they are thinking or feeling can be addicting. Researchers at UCLA's Brain Mapping Center has found that being appreciated in social media through "likes" was seen in brain scans to activate the reward centers of the brain. This reward circuitry is particularly sensitive during adolescence, and this may partly explain why teenagers are more into social media.

For kids and teens, knowing how many people like what they posted, how many followed (or unfollowed) them, and knowing what people say about them also leads to compulsive checking. This addiction to social media could disrupt other worthwhile activities like concentrating on schoolwork, reading or engaging in sports. The heaviest social media users admit to checking their social media feeds more than 100 times a day, sometimes even during school.

Bad effects of social networking to kids and teens, according to psychologists or suggested by scientific studies, are as follows:

A 2015 U.K. Office for National Statistics finds that children who spend more than 3 hours each school day on social media sites are more than twice as likely to suffer poor mental health. Their immersion in a virtual world may cause these children to experience delay in their emotional and social development. According to the report, social media are potentially "a source of social comparison, cyber bullying and isolation", which could lead to mental health problems.

A report published by IZA Institute of Labor Economics even suggests that just one hour a day on social media can make a teen miserable. The study also theorized that this may be caused by issues of cyberbullying, an increase in social comparisons, and a decrease in real-life, face-to-face activities.

Another 2015 study by the British Psychological Society finds that teenagers being obligated to be responsive to social media (liking posts, answering texts and direct messages) throughout the day affect their mental health.

A University of Michigan study seem to indicate that in young adults, Facebook use leads to decline in subjective well-being. The more young adults use Facebook, the worse they feel moment-to-moment and the less they feel satisfied with their lives overall.

A 2021 Wall Street Journal article revealed that Facebook's own research shows that Instagram (which is owned by Facebook) is toxic for teen girls. In one in 3 teen girls, the social media makes their body image issues worse, and despite knowing that what they are seeing is bad for their mental health, they are unable to stop using it. Worse, 6% of suicidal American girls blames Instagram for wanting to kill themselves. (This, however, was disputed by Facebook.)

Teens, especially girls, are sensitive to social influence, and this peer sensitivity can lead them to obsessive thinking about body image, status, and popularity.

DoSometing.org, "one of the largest organizations for young people and social change", lists several bad effects of social media, which includes sleep disorder, depression, addiction, 24/7 stress, isolation, insecurity, and fear of missing out (FOMO).

FOMO or the fear of missing out on something important (like their friends' jokes, parties, activities and other ways of having fun) leads to depression and anxiety in teen social media users, according to a survey done by the Australian Psychological Society. FOMO is one of the main reasons for teenagers' heavy use of social media.

A 2019 study from the University of Montreal has found that among various types of screen time including playing video games, social media is more linked to depressive symptoms in teenagers. This is because in platforms popular to teens, especially Instagram, teens are likely to compare their lives to idealized images in their feed, and promote upward social comparison. Oftentimes, this makes them feel inadequate and bad about themselves.

Instagram, specifically may be bad for teen girls because it leads to more comparisons between them and others. These comparisons may not even be based on reality because Instagram images are subjected to filters, makeup, lighting, angles and other manipulations. Also, functional MRIs show that "likes" affect the reward circuit part of the brain, and associates the image with being better. Instagram is said to attract girls more than boys.

Screen relationships detract from spending time in real life relationships and developing social skills. According to Patricia Greenfield, professor of psychology in the UCLA College, the implications of her research is that when people use digital media for social interaction, they're spending less time developing social skills and learning to read nonverbal cues. "Social interaction is needed to develop skills in understanding the emotions of other people."

The results of a survey from the University of Glasgow shows that social media use particularly at night, with strong emotional involvement, led to poorer sleep quality, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of anxiety. This can be a problem since teens with low self-esteem grow up as depressed adults, according to previous studies.

Social media are fertile grounds for bad influencers and anonymous venoms and hunting grounds for deviants and other predators.

Social media also have a number of celebrity "influencers" who are actually paid to promote products, events, and services. Teens may have a hard time distinguishing between what is actually promotional advertising and fake information, and what is authentic.

For kids who crave attention, Facebook and other social media becomes a venue for them to act out. These kids may make inappropriate statements, pictures and videos that could ultimately harm them. Also, posts and materials that are published online tend to be permanent and may haunt them in the future.

Young people who have a history of harming themselves or attempting suicide might be particularly vulnerable to negative messages posted online, new research shows. The 2017 review, published in the journal PLOS ONE, found that kids and young adults who have thoughts of self-harm or suicide actually spend more time on the Internet and are more often victims of cyberbullying than their peers who do not have such thoughts.

A number of studies, including that from the San Diego State University suggests that more screen time and social media may have caused a rise in depression and suicide among American adolescents. The study also found that people who spend less time looking at screens and more time having face-to-face social interactions are less likely to be depressive or suicidal.

Some kids realize that spending a lot of time in social media results in wasted time, and this negatively affects their mood

Selfies, which became popular with the rise of camera phones, can trigger mental health conditions when a person becomes obsessed with looks. The Mirror, for example, recently featured a selfie addict who tried to kill himself when he couldn't take a perfect photo. According to Pamela Rutledge in Psychology Today, "Preoccupation with selfies can be a visible indicator of a young person with a lack of confidence or sense of self that might make him or her a victim of other problems as well. Excessive and increasingly provocative selfie-ing is a form of 'acting out,' a common behavioral pattern to get attention."

Educators also note that for kids and teens in social networks, there are no spelling and grammar rules. In fact it is cool to misspell and not make sense. Less sophisticated children will find it hard to differentiate between social networking communication and real world communication. In fact many teachers are complaining that social networking communication with misspellings and lack of grammar are seeping through student's school writings.

Social media habits are also blamed for lack of sleep and sleep problems in teenagers. Bright light emitted from smart phones and tablets are thought to disrupt sleep cycles. For young people sleep is important for learning, the development of the young brain, as well as for growing and staying healthy.

A study published in the medical journal JAMA suggests that the more teens check social media and stream video, the more likely they might develop symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD, which causes shorter attention span, or distractibility.

Baroness Susan Greenfield , a top neuroscientist of the Oxford University warns about the lifelong effects of too much social networking. Facebook and other social media sites "are infantilizing the brain into the state of small children who are attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights, who have a short attention span and live for the moment". There is hardly any concentration skills required in participating in these social media sites, and these train the brain to have poor attention span.

Kids are detracted from learning to communicate in the real world. There are reports from teachers that social networking is affecting kids' comprehension levels. Also, if kids communicate primarily through the screen they do not learn the subtleties of real life communication - such as body language, tone of voice, and subconsciously sensing the molecules that other people release.

Social media sites make kids more self-centered. Since Instagram and other sites give kids their own page which is about them, it leads some vulnerable kids to think that everything revolves around them, a precursor for emotional problems in their later life. This might also result in inability to empathize.

These sites make kids prone to sensationalism.

A study by a team of economists at the University of Sheffield, shows that the more time children spend chatting on Facebook, Snapchat, WhatsApp and Instagram, the less happy they feel about their school work, the school they attend, their appearance, their family and their life overall. Children see their friends portraying themselves in idealized state when they post in social media. A vulnerable teen may suffer from depression when he reads great things happening to his friends, and his life is not so great in comparison. This effect was found to be worse for those who lack self-confidence. However, the study also found that teens in social media feel happier about their friendships.

Pediatricians observe that some teens suffer from "Facebook depression". After spending a lot of time on Facebook and other popular social networking sites, some teens become anxious and moody. Again, this seems to be caused by being exposed to friends whose idealized presentation of their lives appear to be superior to theirs. Teens who experience "Facebook depression" usually have trouble with social interactions in general, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

Among social media, Instagram was found to be the worst for teens' mental health, according to a survey. Instagram, along with Snapchat, are said to be very image-focused and it appears they may be driving feelings of inadequacy and anxiety in young people.

GOOD EFFECTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON TEENS AND KIDS

On the other hand, other experts like the MacArthur Foundation see it differently. They claim that kids and teens are developing important technical and social skills online in ways that adults do not understand or value. It makes your child's life interesting as it expands his awareness about other people's thoughts and feelings. It connects him with personalities and influencers whom he can learn from:

Mizuko Ito of the University of California states that "spending time online is essential for young people to pick up the social and technical skills they need to be competent citizens in the digital age". Kids are learning basic social and technical skills to fully participate in modern society. Kids learn to adapt to permanent and public socializing and managing elaborate network of friends and acquaintances.

Social networking makes kids more peer-based. Young people are motivated to learn from their peers online. They interact and receive feedback from one another. They are motivated to learn more from each other than from adults. Teachers and adults are no longer the only sources of knowledge.

It makes kids more networked than ever. It is easier for kids to make friends with people all over the world, most of whom they will never ever meet without these technological advances.

Kids communicate and interact more than ever.

Social media makes it far easier to connect with long lost friends and relatives, as well as new-found friends. Also, because of the hectic pace of the modern age, it's harder to see people in person or reach via the phone. Social media is a great alternative way to always be connected.

Social networks actually make kids more relationship-oriented, considerate, and emphatic. Kids remember people's birthday and greet them. They comment on pictures, videos and status of their friends. They create longer term friendships by being in touch online even when friends are no longer physically meeting.

Some psychologists, in fact, are encouraging children with anxiety and depression to use Instagram and Snapchat to build relationships with peers,according to this article.

Kids and teens have a way to share with friends achievements they can be proud of, and perhaps inspire and motivate other kids.

Professor Larry Rosen notes that teens are developing the ability to show virtual empathy for distressed Facebook friends and that the empathy is actually well-received by friends, positively influencing their mood. This virtual empathy, he says, can even spill over into the real world, teaching teens how to empathize with others in everyday life.

Kids can exercise their creativity by using a social app like TikTok where they can create videos, usually by lip-synching or dancing along with popular songs. TikTok's editing features enable kids to create and edit professional-looking videos.

The British Medical Journal disagrees with Susan Greenfield's claim that prolonged computer use can trigger "autistic-like traits" and aggression, and that her claims are not backed by scientific data. Instead, social networking "has been found to enhance existing friendships and the quality of relationships, although some individuals benefit more than others."

Lastly, a 2019 study involving 12,000 UK adolescents suggests that there is just a tiny effect on teenage life satisfaction among those who use social media more than average.

HOW PARENTS CAN MAKE THE MOST OF KIDS USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Educate your child about the risks of social media and explain to him how it can be harmful as well as helpful. Teach your child about the danger of "oversharing", for example.

Encourage your child to spend more time - considerably more time - in actual communication than "social networking communication".

Tell your child to spend more time in real-life friendships and activities - Real face-to-face interaction is deeper and warmer than online friendships. Your child learn more social skills in relating to and having face-to-face communication with his friends. Online friendships does not teach your kid to listen to subtle vocal cues, interpret body language, and adapt to different personalities - skills that are often important to survive in the real world.

Encourage your child's other passion or interest - Instead of constantly telling your kid to stop going online, discover his other interests and nurture them. Examples of these are sports, playing a musical instrument, writing, crafts, etc. Schedule these real life activities for him, or support him when he is engaged on non-online activities that he is passionate about.

Suggest to your child to take advantage of social media to enhance learning, to collaborate with fellow students, not just for "hanging out" and spewing nonsense. Teach your child to differentiate between what has substance, and what is mere trash. You should also warn him not to engage in the darker side of social networking like cyberbullying, stalking, sharing inappropriate materials, etc.

If possible, supervise your child's online activity to protect him from online predators and other dangers - Do not be deceived that your child is online because of school research and studying. You should be constantly aware of what your child does online or what he does in front of the computer.

Help your child understand what is going on with her feed. Check with her who she is following, and how the account she is following Is making her feel. Be specifically concerned if these accounts are posting content that are influencing falsehoods, half-truths, unhealthy thoughts and behavior. On the other hand, approve and react positively when she is following people and accounts that has positive effects and motivate her to be better and have a growth mindset.

If your child feels anxious about how her friends seem to be living a better life than her, remind her that the images and postings of her friends are curated, and does not represent the whole story of her friends' life, and they are probably just sharing the best parts. Tell your child to spend less time scrolling her feed if it makes her unhappy

Join the social media that your child belongs to so you will have a sense of how they work and understand the impact they can have on your child. Also if possible, follow your child so you are aware of her activities online.

When you join your child's social network, just lurk or be a silent, watchful friend. You may like but avoid or refrain from commenting as this may turn her and her online friends off.

Emphasize to your child the difference between real-life and online relationships - Having 500 friends in Facebook, for example, does not necessarily mean that he is popular.

At an age when your child can easily fall prey to bad online influences, have the computer screen readily visible to you by putting the computer in a place where you regularly pass by. Do not position it on a hidden corner or angle.

If your child seems upset after looking at her phone or device, ask her about it. A CNN study shows that if parents are involved with their children's social media activities, their children are less likely to be upset with what happens to them online.

Emphasize to your child the difference between writing and spelling for social networking and real world writing.

As in everything, use social media in moderation. It cannot take the place of real-life relationships and other worthwhile pursuits like reading books and sports.

Limit the time that your child has access to her screens or social media. Ask her to leave her phone on a location visible to you at the time she does homework and when she is supposed to be sleeping at night.

Take advantage of apps that help you limit your child's social media time or trace his online activity. Look into your child's social media settings to see if there's a way to limit the social media's data collection about your child.

See also the list of best educational toys and gift ideas for children

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Good and Bad Effects of Social Media on Teens and Kids - Raise Smart Kid

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Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites are godsends to kids and teens who want to get in touch and know what is going on with their friends or relatives. By just opening an app or a website, they can communicate with and learn about all the people who are important to them (at least those who are signed in to the same network).

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What social media can teach about ourselves

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What social media can teach about ourselves

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What social media can teach us about ourselves

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Today's online experience is really the experience of being part of a gigantic crowd of people, said Jon Kleinberg, the Tisch University Professor of Computer Science at Cornell, in a lecture about what social media and other ...

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As the mother of three boys, I appreciate the irony in suggesting that my kids could possibly benefit from having their eyes permanently locked onto screens and their thumbs flashing furiously across tiny keyboards. "Screens off" is a shout heard often in our house (shouted by me, of course). But social media aren't all bad.

In fact, there are a myriad of benefits to be gained from engaging in social media, and they far outweigh the risks of stranger danger, online bullying, stalking, plagiarism and familiarity with spelling questionable "words" like "U" and "R."

First, though, you should know that I'm a "techtopian," and believe that the good of being social online far outweighs the bad. Those bad things happen, of course, just like they have always happened offline; engaging in social media doesn't create pedophiles or bullies but rather enables people who are already inclined in those directions.

This means our job as parents remains the same as it has always been. We need to teach our children to make good decisions, to be kind in words and deeds, to think before speaking in any medium and to be careful with what they do with their photos. But we can't be good guides for social media unless we understand how these platforms work and why.

Social media are digital communication vehicles that are easy to use (we'll get to that in a minute), ubiquitous (this you know from playing a game of Whack-A-Mole with various devices) and inexpensive.

It is the communications part that makes these websites, apps and devices social, unlike, say, a static website that serves as a digital billboard. And here is where we begin to see the benefits for children engaging in social media.

Being a good communicator is a critical skill for success in any job. When you watch young people spread their wings socially across the web, you see a variety of interactions involving listening and responding on blogs, Facebook and Twitter. They are learning to honor what other people say, feel or share. Kids who don't follow these norms don't have large social networks. No one listens to the blowhard for very long. If you were hiring for an organization right now, wouldn't you want people who are empathetic and good listeners?

Schools increasingly emphasize collaborative work styles, and young people naturally collaborate online. They ask their friends questions about homework assignments, share links to articles and write essays together. Again, isn't this the way we hope professionals will work?

And then there are the ways young people practice democracy online. They vote for their favorite idols, share information about their favorite causes and raise money for these same causes. These are the habits and practices of good citizens and the same ones that help create democracy activists, encourage friends to vote in elections and seek justice.

One of the most empowering and exciting parts of the social web is the opportunity for anyone to create content. Whether writing their own blog, creating a video and posting it on YouTube, or gathering up graphics for a hobby or a cause on Pinterest, young people have a way of expressing themselves intellectually and artistically, without asking permission or being filtered. For the most part, they do this in near anonymity - very few blogs have more than ten readers. But even if the audience is limited, these children are still learning to express their thoughts and feelings in public ways, to accept criticism or praise for it and to witness others sharing it.

Our job as parents is to help our children navigate this world in the same way we help them navigate their social world offline. It's our job to talk to them about what they're working on and how they're engaging with others, and to remind them that kindness is a requirement wherever they are engaging with people. But we can't do it without participating in this online world.

Kids have the benefits of time and fearlessness to experiment online. We have to create the time and give ourselves permission to experiment online as well. Parents need to be on Facebook or commenting on blogs or Tweeting; they must understand the attraction and power of connecting with others in a virtual realm.

Lastly, we need to model the importance of shutting down our own computers, tablets and smartphones once in a while, and to insist they do the same. While I spend much of the week socially engaged online, I make sure that my screens go dark every Shabbat, which I spend, unplugged, with my family.
Allison Fine is co-author of "The Networked Nonprofit" (Jossey-Bass, 2010) and president of Temple Beth Abraham in Tarrytown, N.Y.
Allison Fine is among the nation's pre-eminent thinkers and strategists on networked leadership and online activism. She is the author of Matterness: Fearless Leadership for a Social World, the award-winning Momentum: Igniting Social Change in the Connected Age and co-author of the bestselling The Networked Nonprofit.

Why Social Media Can Be Good

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As the mother of three boys, I appreciate the irony in suggesting that my kids could possibly benefit from having their eyes permanently locked onto screens and their thumbs flashing furiously across tiny keyboards. "Screens off" is a shout heard often in our house (shouted by me, of course).

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What comes to your mind when you hear the term "Social Media?" Perhaps some people thinking about the media that makes them able to meet and communicate with people around the world. While some others think about that, social media is the channel that gives them the chance to send and receive many information. Others think that social media is about the way we get many updates from people who we follow and maybe someone out there thinks social media is a part of a new marketing strategy.

Nowadays, social media seems like a big part of our life. When your friends didn't reply to your text, you can greet them on Facebook. When you want to listen to music or see a music video from your favorite singer - go to YouTube. When you just wake up and open your eyes, you don't have to walk outside to get the newspaper, just take your phone and scroll your Twitter timeline then you'll get the information. Blog and Forum are also types of social media because they allow you to share "what you think" about articles, pictures, videos and so on. There is social media which allows the users not only to share about their profession, major of study, works and company, addresses, political views and religion, but also allow them to find a job and allow the company to find the employees. Everything looks and feels easier to do with social media.

But from the examples above, I have a question on my mind "If everything looks and feels easier to do with social media, isn't something strange if society is extremely dependent on social media. How strong can social media influence and control people's lives?" This question leads me to recall a case that happened about 5 years ago.

Let me tell you a very interesting case from Indonesia about social media. In August 2008, there was a women who has known by Indonesian people as Prita Mulyasari. Her case begun when she wrote about her disappointment of the services of a Hospital in Jakarta. She told and wrote everything about the hospital and the bad services that she got from the doctors, nurses and administration staff. Then, she sent a message to her friends on the mailing list. Actually, she just tried to remind her friends to be more selective in choosing the hospital and to be more careful in accepting many kinds of services. But, her message became a big problem after her friend shared it to a website (the people's forum) with so many read and commented about the issue.

In September 2008, the management of the hospital reported Prita Mulyasari for the bad news about the hospital that she has spread. The management of the hospital demanded her to pay a material loss of about Rp.161 million as a replacement for clarification in national newspapers and Rp.100 million for immaterial losses. She wasn't only to pay for the hospital losses but she was also detained in May 2009. After 8 months she went through the inspection and verification process and was convicted by the court for violating the law about using the ICT (Information and Communication Technology). This case rapidly spread among Indonesian people. As common issues, there are always pros and cons. Although the Indonesian people weren't justified what Prita has done against the hospital, but most of people in Indonesia really cared about her life and Prita's condition and tried to help her, at least to pay the amercement.

The first Facebook account which made by some people is ( https://www.facebook.com/KoinPeduliPrita). They were spreading "Bantu Bebaskan Prita" or "Help Free Prita" to Indonesian People and approached them to help Prita by collecting the coins. It didn't take a long time. Many volunteers, social workers, activists, students and even artists came together to help her. They were collecting many coins from people on the street, office, and even an entertainment center. Some singers also held a charity concert to help her ( http://koinkeadilan.com/). In December 2009, the campaign to help Prita was finished and they succeed by collecting the coins to help Prita raise about Rp. 825 Million. The money was extremely worth it for Prita, although she still had to go through the period of detainees. However, the money was very helpful for her not only to pay the amercement but also for her life, considering she has two kids.

I'm not trying to spread bad news about my country or discredit someone or some institutions. I am just trying to make you believe that social media has the strength to influence and control people's lives. Prita's case clearly explains to us that social media were able to make people's life get worse or get better. But, we don't need to stay away or being anti-social media. People are stronger than social media because we can easily think before we act and think before we speak. There is nothing to be worried about if we are wise when we share something on social media.

Sources:

http://hukum.kompasiana.com/2009/06/03/kronologi-kasus-prita-mulyasari-13940.html

http://www.hukumonline.com/berita/baca/lt4b3ac59e39184/pn-tangerang-vonis-bebas-prita-buka-perdamaian-dengan-rs-omni

http://outthinkgroup.com/tips/the-6-types-of-social-media

http://news.okezone.com/read/2009/12/21/338/286733/redirect

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How Strongly Can Social Media Influence and Control People's Lives?

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What comes to your mind when you hear the term "Social Media?" Perhaps some people thinking about the media that makes them able to meet and communicate with people around the world. While some others think about that, social media is the channel that gives them the chance to send and receive many information.

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5 Crazy Ways Social Media Is Changing Your Brain Right Now

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Many parents worry about how exposure to technology might affect toddlers developmentally. We know our preschoolers are picking up new social and cognitive skills at a stunning pace, and we don't want hours spent glued to an iPad to impede that. But adolescence is an equally important period of rapid development, and too few of us are paying attention to how our teenagers' use of technology - much more intense and intimate than a 3-year-old playing with dad's iPhone - is affecting them. In fact, experts worry that the social media and text messages that have become so integral to teenage life are promoting anxiety and lowering self-esteem.

Young people report that there might be good reason to worry. A survey conducted by the Royal Society for Public Health asked 14-24-year-olds in the UK how social media platforms impacted their health and well-being. The survey results found that Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all led to increased feelings of depression, anxiety, poor body image, and loneliness.

Indirect communication

Teens are masters at keeping themselves occupied in the hours after school until way past bedtime. When they're not doing their homework (and when they are) they're online and on their phones, texting, sharing, trolling, scrolling, you name it. Of course before everyone had an Instagram account teens kept themselves busy, too, but they were more likely to do their chatting on the phone, or in person when hanging out at the mall. It may have looked like a lot of aimless hanging around, but what they were doing was experimenting, trying out skills, and succeeding and failing in tons of tiny real-time interactions that kids today are missing out on. For one thing, modern teens are learning to do most of their communication while looking at a screen, not another person.

"As a species we are very highly attuned to reading social cues," says Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist and author of The Big Disconnect. "There's no question kids are missing out on very critical social skills. In a way, texting and online communicating puts everybody in a context where body language, facial expression, and even the smallest kinds of vocal reactions are rendered invisible."

Lowering the risks

Certainly speaking indirectly creates a barrier to clear communication, but that's not all. Learning how to make friends is a major part of growing up, and friendship requires a certain amount of risk-taking. This is true for making a new friend, but it's also true for maintaining friendships. When there are problems that need to be faced - big ones or small ones - it takes courage to be honest about your feelings and then hear what the other person has to say. Learning to effectively cross these bridges is part of what makes friendship fun and exciting, and also scary. "Part of healthy self-esteem is knowing how to say what you think and feel even when you're in disagreement with other people or it feels emotionally risky," notes Dr. Steiner-Adair.

But when friendship is conducted online and through texts, kids are doing this in a context stripped of many of the most personal - and sometimes intimidating - aspects of communication. It's easier to keep your guard up when you're texting, so less is at stake. You aren't hearing or seeing the effect that your words are having on the other person. Because the conversation isn't happening in real time, each party can take more time to consider a response. No wonder kids say calling someone on the phone is "too intense"- it requires more direct communication, and if you aren't used to that it may well feel scary.

If kids aren't getting enough practice relating to people and getting their needs met in person and in real time, many of them will grow up to be adults who are anxious about our species' primary means of communication - talking. And of course social negotiations only get riskier as people get older and begin navigating romantic relationships and employment.

Cyberbullying and the imposter syndrome

The other big danger that comes from kids communicating more indirectly is that it has gotten easier to be cruel. "Kids text all sorts of things that you would never in a million years contemplate saying to anyone's face," says Donna Wick, EdD, a clinical and developmental psychologist. She notes that this seems to be especially true of girls, who typically don't like to disagree with each other in "real life."

"You hope to teach them that they can disagree without jeopardizing the relationship, but what social media is teaching them to do is disagree in ways that are more extreme and do jeopardize the relationship. It's exactly what you don't want to have happen," she says.

Dr. Steiner-Adair agrees that girls are particularly at risk. "Girls are socialized more to compare themselves to other people, girls in particular, to develop their identities, so it makes them more vulnerable to the downside of all this." She warns that a lack of solid self-esteem is often to blame. "We forget that relational aggression comes from insecurity and feeling awful about yourself, and wanting to put other people down so you feel better."

Peer acceptance is a big thing for adolescents, and many of them care about their image as much as a politician running for office, and to them it can feel as serious. Add to that the fact that kids today are getting actual polling data on how much people like them or their appearance via things like "likes." It's enough to turn anyone's head. Who wouldn't want to make themselves look cooler if they could? So kids can spend hours pruning their online identities, trying to project an idealized image. Teenage girls sort through hundreds of photos, agonizing over which ones to post online. Boys compete for attention by trying to out-gross one other, pushing the envelope as much as they can in the already disinhibited atmosphere online. Kids gang up on each other.

Adolescents have always been doing this, but with the advent of social media they are faced with more opportunities - and more traps - than ever before. When kids scroll through their feeds and see how great everyone seems, it only adds to the pressure. We're used to worrying about the impractical ideals that photoshopped magazine models give to our kids, but what happens with the kid next door is photoshopped, too? Even more confusing, what about when your own profile doesn't really represent the person that you feel like you are on the inside?

"Adolescence and the early twenties in particular are the years in which you are acutely aware of the contrasts between who you appear to be and who you think you are," says Dr. Wick. "It's similar to the 'imposter syndrome' in psychology. As you get older and acquire more mastery, you begin to realize that you actually are good at some things, and then you feel that gap hopefully narrow. But imagine having your deepest darkest fear be that you aren't as good as you look, and then imagine needing to look that good all the time! It's exhausting."

As Dr. Steiner-Adair explains, "Self-esteem comes from consolidating who you are." The more identities you have, and the more time you spend pretending to be someone you aren't, the harder it's going to be to feel good about yourself.

Stalking (and being ignored)

Another big change that has come with new technology and especially smart phones is that we are never really alone. Kids update their status, share what they're watching, listening to, and reading, and have apps that let their friends know their specific location on a map at all times. Even if a person isn't trying to keep his friends updated, he's still never out of reach of a text message. The result is that kids feel hyperconnected with each other. The conversation never needs to stop, and it feels like there's always something new happening.

"Whatever we think of the 'relationships' maintained and in some cases initiated on social media, kids never get a break from them," notes Dr. Wick. "And that, in and of itself, can produce anxiety. Everyone needs a respite from the demands of intimacy and connection; time alone to regroup, replenish and just chill out. When you don't have that, it's easy to become emotionally depleted, fertile ground for anxiety to breed."

It's also surprisingly easy to feel lonely in the middle of all that hyperconnection. For one thing, kids now know with depressing certainty when they're being ignored. We all have phones and we all respond to things pretty quickly, so when you're waiting for a response that doesn't come, the silence can be deafening. The silent treatment might be a strategic insult or just the unfortunate side effect of an online adolescent relationship that starts out intensely but then fades away.

"In the old days when a boy was going to break up with you, he had to have a conversation with you. Or at least he had to call," says Dr. Wick. "These days he might just disappear from your screen, and you never get to have the 'What did I do?' conversation." Kids are often left imagining the worst about themselves.

But even when the conversation doesn't end, being in a constant state of waiting can still provoke anxiety. We can feel ourselves being put on the back burner, we put others back there, and our very human need to communicate is effectively delegated there, too.

What should parents do?

Both experts interviewed for this article agreed that the best thing parents can do to minimize the risks associated with technology is to curtail their own consumption first. It's up to parents to set a good example of what healthy device usage looks like. Most of us check our phones or our email too much, out of either real interest or nervous habit. Kids should be used to seeing our faces, not our heads bent over a screen. Establish technology-free zones in the house and technology-free hours when no one uses the phone, including mom and dad. "Don't walk in the door after work in the middle of a conversation," Dr. Steiner-Adair advises. "Don't walk in the door after work, say 'hi' quickly, and then 'just check your email.' In the morning, get up a half hour earlier than your kids and check your email then. Give them your full attention until they're out the door. And neither of you should be using phones in the car to or from school because that's an important time to talk."

Not only does limiting the amount of time you spend plugged in to computers provide a healthy counterpoint to the tech-obsessed world, it also strengthens the parent-child bond and makes kids feel more secure. Kids need to know that you are available to help them with their problems, talk about their day, or give them a reality check.

"It is the mini-moments of disconnection, when parents are too focused on their own devices and screens, that dilute the parent-child relationship," Dr. Steiner-Adair warns. And when kids start turning to the internet for help or to process whatever happened during the day, you might not like what happens. "Tech can give your children more information that you can, and it doesn't have your values," notes Dr. Steiner-Adair. "It won't be sensitive to your child's personality, and it won't answer his question in a developmentally appropriate way."

In addition Dr. Wick advises delaying the age of first use as much as possible. "I use the same advice here that I use when talking about kids and alcohol - try to get as far as you can without anything at all." If your child is on a social media platform, Dr. Wick says that you should friend them and monitor their page. But she advises against going through text messages unless there is cause for concern. "If you have a reason to be worried then okay, but it better be a good reason. I see parents who are just plain old spying on their kids. Parents should begin by trusting their children. To not even give your kid the benefit of the doubt is incredibly damaging to the relationship. You have to feel like your parents think you're a good kid."

Offline, the gold standard advice for helping kids build healthy self-esteem is to get them involved in something that they're interested in. It could be sports or music or taking apart computers or volunteering - anything that sparks an interest and gives them confidence. When kids learn to feel good about what they can do instead of how they look and what they own, they're happier and better prepared for success in real life. That most of these activities also involve spending time interacting with peers face-to-face is just the icing on the cake.

Frequently Asked Questions

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How Using Social Media Affects Teenagers - Child Mind Institute

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How does social media affect teens? Experts say kids are growing up with more anxiety and less self-esteem due to social media. Read advice for parents from specialists in our article.

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teens: this is how social media affects your brain - cnn

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A recent study found that, when using social media, a teens' brain responds to 'likes' in a similar way to when they see loved ones, or win money.

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What you choose to share on social media is always your decision, but what others choose to do with your information is not always be in your control. Take charge of your personal safety with the following social media safety tips.

Personalize your privacy settings. Adjust your privacy settings on the site to your comfort level, and select options that limit who can view your information. These site-specific security pages can help you get started.

Pause before you post. Before you post, ask yourself if you are comfortable sharing this information with everyone who might see it. Once it's posted online, it's there forever. Even content that is deleted can sometimes be accessed by the website or through screenshots of the original post. Content that contains personal information or your whereabouts could pose a safety risk. Other posts may risk portraying you in a negative way, like pictures of partying or insults directed at a specific person or group.

Turn off geolocation. Many social media sites or apps will request to access your location, but in most cases this isn't necessary. You can still get the most out of your online or app experience without sharing where you are. In addition to accessing your location, some sites make this information public. When you "check in" on sites like Facebook or Foursquare, you are sharing your exact location with people you may or may not know.

Use a private Internet connection. Avoid public Wi-Fi connections, like those offered at coffee shops or airports, when using a website that asks for a password. Limit your social media usage to personal or private Wi-Fi networks.

Talk to your friends about public posts. Let your friends know where you stand on sharing content that may have personally identifying information, like your location or a photo of you. Respect each other's wishes about deleting posts that may be embarrassing or uncomfortable. Before you post something about another person, whether it mentions them indirectly, by name, or in a picture, ask their permission.

Report it. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable online you can report the interaction to the host site. You can use the "report" button near the chat window, flag a post as inappropriate, or submit a screenshot of the interaction directly to the host site.

Have you encountered sexual content or images relating to a minor? Report these encounters to the CyberTipline.
If you experience unwanted communication of a sexual nature, it can leave you with some uncomfortable or painful feelings. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE and online.rainn.org.

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What you choose to share on social media is always your decision, but what others choose to do with your information is not always be in your control. Take charge of your personal safety with the following social media safety tips. Personalize your privacy settings.