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Spending time with friends and loved ones is a great source of happiness. When we spend time with our loved ones, we feel better and happier. These are the people that we enjoy being around the most, and it feels good to spend time with them. Relationships are an essential part of happiness, which could be a reason why Gatsby was never truly happy; he never had anyone in his life, besides Daisy for a short time, who really loved him. Without relationships, we feel more lonely.

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I like what this video says about how happiness through money can be determined in how it is spent. This is a great connection to the Great Gatsby. Tom and Daisy had everything, but they were never happy. This could have been because they were so selfish and never gave to anyone but themselves. Also, Gatsby seemed to feel better and happier when he spent his money on others, like when he was buying what Daisy wanted, and he felt happier for it. This shows that material items don't make people happy, but charity can.

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Some find happiness in perverse ways, like hop frog and the narrator from black cat. Many might consider this type of happiness to be wrong, but for some it may be their only form of true happiness, showing that happiness can come in all kinds of ways. There isn't a correct kind of happiness; it just needs to be genuine.

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I do not believe that there is a way to teach happiness. It isn't something that can be taught; happiness is something that is unique to each individual, so they need to discover their personal happiness in their own way. Each person will have something different that makes them happy. Even though there can be certain things that can make one happy, and some stuff may commonly make more people happy, this can't work for everyone. Happiness is unique oneself.

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"But what about money? After all, if you don't have any money, it's very easy to believe that lots of money will make you happy. But that's not what psychologists have found."
- This connects to Gatsby because many of the characters have money, yet they obviously have no attained that happiness.
- Daisy: she has everything in the world, yet she isn't happy- material things don't lead to happiness.

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What Makes People Happy?

Think about a time when you felt particularly happy. What was it that made you happy? Was it because you had loved ones near? Because you were surrounded by a beautiful landscape? Because you had just accomplished something important? Or were you happy because you had lots of money?

'What makes you happy?' That seems like a simple question, but the truth is that many people don't know. Or, as psychologists have discovered, they think they know the answer, but really don't. Psychological research on happiness has identified several things people have in common: the types of things that make them happy, the things they think will make them happy, and the differences between the two.

Let's start by looking at what actually makes people happy. As you might expect, research shows that the best indicator of a person's happiness is the quality of his or her close relationships. Whether you're talking about romantic relationships, family dynamics, or simply close friendships, the happier you are in your social engagements, the happier you are in general.

Besides close relationships, there are two other things that predict happiness in people: having a job or hobby that they love and that challenges them and helping others through volunteer work, random acts of kindness or another type of prosocial behavior.

All three of these things make sense. I'll bet you weren't very surprised that solid relationships, engaging ways to spend your time and prosocial behavior all contribute to happiness.

But what about money? After all, if you don't have any money, it's very easy to believe that lots of money will make you happy. But that's not what psychologists have found.

Once your basic necessities are met, research has shown that additional money does not have a lot to do with happiness. So, while billionaires may fly on private jets to luxurious spas all over the world, it doesn't mean that they are any happier than people who drive 10-year-old cars and fly coach.

However, focusing on money and material things can make you profoundly unhappy. Research has shown that people who put a lot of emphasis on money and things are not as happy as non-materialistic people.

Affective Forecasting

The things that make people happy and unhappy seem pretty intuitive. But do people really understand what makes them happy?

Affective forecasting is the process of guessing how you will feel under specific future circumstances. Affect is just another word for emotion or mood. If I said that tomorrow you were going to lose your job, break up with your partner and fail a test, I'll bet you could pretty accurately predict what your emotional state would be.

But how effective are people at affective forecasting when it comes to happiness? Not very; research has shown that most people make consistent errors when guessing what will make them happy in the future.

Think about this: if you could either be a powerful CEO of a large company, making tons of money, or work part-time at a small company, barely making enough to cover your bills, which would you choose? Which do you think would make you happier?

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research on happiness: what makes people happy? - video & lesson transcript | study.com

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Research on Happiness: What Makes People Happy? - Video & Lesson Transcript | Study.com

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Think about a time when you felt particularly happy. What was it that made you happy? Was it because you had loved ones near? Because you were surrounded by a beautiful landscape? Because you had just accomplished something important? Or were you happy because you had lots of money?

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Materialistic things are often a cause of unhappiness, and people need to care less about material things in order to be happier.

Many are stuck in a mindset that they cannot change, and they blame themselves for things they can't control.

I think that people need to accept that failure is okay, because it is an inevitable part of life.

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Many of life's difficulties are out of your control. You can't control the weather, the genes you were born with, diseases that have no cure, or the fact that you are getting older.

For the most part, you can't control the actions of other adults, though you may have influence. And, in the words of the Rolling Stones, you can't always get what you want.

But you can learn to stop any misery you might be inflicting on yourself. I like the way this idea is expressed in The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. In highly over-simplified soundbites, the Four Noble Truths can be summarized as follows:

1. There is a lot of suffering in life. Some unhappiness and misery is inevitable.

2. You may be causing some of your suffering.

3. You can stop causing your own suffering!

4. Once you cease to create your own suffering, you are more likely to live a good life, one in harmony with your deepest values and goals.

How might you possibly be harming yourself? While humans make themselves suffer in many ways, here are 10 common sources of self-caused suffering, which I've dubbed "Misery-Makers," along with 10 suggestions for stopping:

Misery-Maker 1: Inventing and dwelling upon painful inner dramas that have little or no basis in fact.

Examples: "There was a fiery crash on the interstate. My wife might have been in that. What would I do if she died?" "The way he reacted to me yesterday must mean that he doesn't really love me, despite what he says." "If my boss fires me, I'll never be able to find another job and will end my life in dire poverty."

Having a vivid imagination is such a wonderful thing-except when it isn't. Unless you are writing a novel or a screenplay, using your imagination to spin tales that are outrageous, hurtful, or even horrifying can be harmful to your sanity and peace of mind. The stories you tell yourself can take on a life of their own, becoming an unending source of anger, self-pity, anxiety, or just plain misery.

How to stop the misery: When your fantasies threaten to ruin your emotional health, neutralize them by murmuring these words: "Just thoughts." Realizing that your fantasies are not realities will help you separate from them, as if standing to one side. Then, give your mind another job to do, such as to focus on your breathing or to think about a plan for the day. If you are worrying over a problem that actually could arise in the future, make a realistic plan and write it down.

Misery-Maker 2: Judging yourself in a harsh way.

Examples: "Why do you always say the wrong thing?" "Why can't you lose weight?" "What's wrong with you?"

No, it's not your worst enemy saying that; it's your own critical inner voice. It's shocking how cruel we can be to ourselves. If you have a critical inner voice that is constantly judging and blaming you, notice it (how could you not?) but don't believe it. Your self-talk is not the truth-it's "just thoughts."

How to stop the misery: Replace negative self-talk with realistic and positive self-talk. For example, "Whether I lose weight or not, I am a worthwhile person who deserves love." Practice self-compassion-be kind to yourself by softening your judgment and treating yourself like your own best friend.
Misery-Maker 3: Thinking that mistakes, setbacks, and failures doom you for life.
Examples: "I must be a dumb person to have made that mistake." "I guess I'll never do anything right." "I'm such a moron!"

Self-talk like this makes you think you have to be perfect instead of the fallible human being that you are-that we all are.

How to stop the misery: Instead of putting yourself down for your mistakes and failures, make the conscious decision to grow from them. "Oh, now I see what I need to do in the future." "I'll look at this as a challenge rather than as a problem." This self-talk will help you develop a " growth mindset," to use the phrase of researcher Carol Dweck. People who can grow from their setbacks are more likely to succeed and to feel better about themselves.
Misery-Maker 4: Blaming yourself for things you can't control.
Sometimes it's easier to blame yourself for a problem than to accept that the situation was never within your control. Children who are victims of abusive parents, for instance, often believe that if only they had done x, y, or z, their family would have been just fine. The hard truth is that there was little, if anything, they could have done. Realizing that you are helpless in a situation can often be more terrifying than the false but oddly comforting belief that you have control.

How to Stop the Misery: Notice when you blame yourself. Then ask yourself: "Was I really responsible for what happened?" "Is it really my fault that he didn't ask me out again?" "Can I really control her drinking?" Remind yourself that you can only really control your own behavior. Take a deep breath and focus in on actions and activities that will improve your life.
Misery-Maker 5: Blaming other people and situations for things you can control or passively accepting what you could change.
"She makes me mad." "Brrr. It's so cold in here." "I wish he would understand how much I need some time alone right now."

All these typical situations are within your circle of control, at least partially if not completely. For example, no one can "make you mad." You can control your inner response to events much of the time. If you are cold, put on a sweater. If you want someone to understand you, speak up.

How to Stop the Misery: Change "it" and "you" language to "I" language. For example, speak out like this: "I didn't like it when you said that. Please stop." "I'm cold. Mind if I turn up the heat?" "I need some alone time right now." Acting more assertive is thrilling, no matter how small the issue.
Misery-Maker 6: Creating suffering through bad habits and addictions.
Smoking. Overdrinking. Taking drugs. Leading a couch-potato life. These bad habits may seem like they relieve stress -and they may indeed relieve stress in the short run-but they are false friends. Eventually, they turn on you and make your life miserable, even cut it short.

How to Stop the Misery: Decide to change and make a plan. If your plan doesn't work, see a therapist or check yourself into a program that can help you quit your self-destructive habit.

Misery-Maker 7: Comparing yourself to others.

"If only I had her looks!" "If only I had his personality!" Social comparison is an unending source of misery for most of us, because there will always be someone who is more beautiful, funnier, wiser, or richer.

How to Stop the Misery: Instead of comparing your situation to that of others, make your own life as good as possible. Find your own path. Instead of comparing yourself to those who are better off, make a "downward comparison" to those who are suffering more than you are. Things can always be worse. And for the most powerful antidote to social comparison, try this: gratitude. A practice of gratitude is one of the easiest and most rewarding good habits you can develop. Try the powerful "Three Good Things" exercise, described here.
Misery-Maker 8: Not being yourself.
Social pressure can warp your mind and your actions. You may find yourself trying to "have fun" in ways that are not really fun. You may present yourself in one way when you actually feel a different way underneath. True, in some situations, like in your work life, you may often need to play a role to get by. If this is the case with you, figure out how best to express who you are in other areas of your life.

How to Stop the Misery: Notice what you really enjoy. Notice what makes you feel good about yourself. Notice what seems to be good for your personal growth. Gradually, make choices much more in harmony with your "True Self." Say "no" to activities and people that drain your self-confidence and energy.
Misery-Maker 9: Falling for the belief that you can't change.
"I'm just this way." "My father was like this too, so I've got the genes for smoking."

Self-acceptance is usually a positive thing, but not if you are using it as an excuse to avoid the work of necessary change. Although it does take work, you can decide to change behavioral habits and do it successfully. For example, you can learn to listen instead of interrupting. You can create an exercise program. You can speak up for yourself.

Recent research suggests that you can even change aspects of your personality that seem inborn and permanent. A recent review of over 200 studies indicated that therapy could cause personality changes relatively quickly, even in as little as 4-8 weeks. People with emotional instability who were in therapy benefited the most, increasing their ability to handle stressors and reduce inner turmoil.

How to Stop the Misery: Notice your own belief system about change. Begin to question it. Ask yourself: "Would I like to change? Would I benefit from changing?" Then make a plan and tinker with it until you can get it to work. If not, see #10 below.
Misery-Maker 10: Thinking that you have to do it all yourself.
"I should be able to handle this. Why can't I?" "Everyone else seems just fine but me."

This self-talk keeps you from getting the emotional support that you need. There's nothing as potentially life-changing as talking regularly with a good therapist who can help you solve problems, discover new perspectives, and grow.

How to Stop the Misery: See a therapist, join a 12-step group, or call a friend. Keep an open mind.
The STOP process
I've personally wallowed in every one of the 10 Misery-Makers at some point in my life. While not perfect, I've gotten better at recognizing when I'm causing my own suffering, then stopping myself and gently switching my mental gears to thoughts and actions that are more productive.

To make progress, I've used what I call the STOP process. The idea is to use the letters in STOP to remind you how to STOP your own self-caused suffering:

S = " See what you are doing to yourself." Just recognizing that you are hurting yourself is a big step forward. Self-awareness is essential for change.

T = " Take charge and make the decision to change." Research shows that when you make the conscious decision to change, you are more likely to be successful.

O = "Brainstorm your Options and choose one to try."

P = Practice. The more you repeat a new behavior, the more habitual it will become.

Are you causing your own suffering? Could you STOP right now?
© Meg Selig, 2017
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10 Ways You Are Causing Your Own Unhappiness

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Many of life's difficulties are out of your control. You can't control the weather, the genes you were born with, diseases that have no cure, or the fact that you are getting older. For the most part, you can't control the actions of other adults, though you may have influence.

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Happiness is defined as "a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy." Sounds great, doesn't it? So what makes happiness so hard to attain?

One of the common reasons we find it so difficult to find happiness is due to our perception of what it really is. Our ability to be happy depends on how we define it.

For many, happiness is defined by what has been achieved, what has been accomplished, or material things we have obtained.

While these things can contribute to the feeling of being happy, do they really bring us true happiness?

So what is happiness? Where does it come from? How do we achieve it?

Live Our "Best Life."For starters we can begin by living what I like to call our "best life." This consists of being the best version of ourselves we can be. It involves self-acceptance and no longer comparing ourselves to others. Living our best life also includes no longer using things to measure our happiness, but focusing on the feeling. Practicing mindfulness can also help us achieve happiness. In doing this we can fully experience the moment and learn to engage with each moment on its terms, taking things as they come. When we are able to accept things for what they are, we can be happier.

Practice daily gratitude.Gratitude determines our attitude. As we practice gratitude, it eventually becomes second nature. We become able to find the beauty in small things and appreciate all life has to offer.

Learn the art of letting go.When we learn to let go, we find the path to freedom. By learning to let go, we are no longer held captive by our past or lingering negative emotions.

These are other things we can do to get ourselves in a feel-good mood.

Smile.Everyone knows a smile is contagious. If you're feeling down in the dumps, force a smile and keep smiling. If you don't give into that feeling of wanting to smile, you will eventually get the giggles from looking so silly.

Smell something that makes you happy.The sense of smell is very powerful and can trigger several moods and reactions. Why not smell your way to happiness? Sniff your favorite flower, inhale your favorite fragrance, or indulge in the aromas of your favorite food. When I'm feeling down, I tend to smell lavender. I not only enjoy the smell, but it also has some calming and relaxing properties.

Do something good for someone else.If you can't put a smile on your face, put a smile on someone else's. Doing a good deed will often result in that good, bubbly feeling of joy. When you've made someone's day, how can you avoid a smile?

Do something you enjoy that you haven't done in a while.Remember that feeling of complete happiness when the wind blows in your face as you swing on a swing, or when you play a good game of baseball, or make a nice batch of cookies? Well, get up and get moving! There is no pick-me-up like doing something pleasurable you haven't done in a while. Think back to little things that have made you happy and explore those again.

Laugh, laugh, laugh.Just as a smile is contagious, so is laughter. Watch a funny movie or reminisce about something funny and just laugh. If you can't think of anything to laugh at, just start laughing and keep thinking. You're bound to eventually think of something funny or continue laughing at yourself.

These are a few suggestions, but happiness is unique and so is your path. Find what makes you happy today and live life to the fullest. Edith Wharton was quoted saying "if only we'd stop trying to be happy, we'd have a pretty good time."

Stop trying to be happy or thinking about being happy and challenge yourself to do what makes you happy. Find what makes you happy today and live life to the fullest.

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Happiness is defined as "a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy." Sounds great, doesn't it? So what makes happiness so hard to attain? One of the common reasons we find it so difficult to find happiness is due to our perception of what it really is.