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To create cognitive dissonance & self-awareness, questions    should be crafted using the identified FUNCTION OF     BEH & NEEDS as reference / gude.

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To create cognitive dissonance & self-awareness, questions    should be crafted using the identified FUNCTION OF     BEH & NEEDS as reference / gude.

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1. your actions in the moment,

Bring to consciousness (a) what parent did / how they acted (b) purpose of action: hope or try to achieve with the action (c) What message was sent with that action (d) impact of the actions on the child

-How does this beh help?
-How does this beh hurt you?
-Is the beh getting you what u want?
-What made you choose to do that?
-Do what u mean and mean what u do
-Are u doing what u want or what you child wants?
-What is it about your behave that cause you child to behave this way?

2. attitudes about your actions in the moment

-What do you think about what u did
-What was going through your mind when you……
-How would you rate the way you manage the situation?

3.  your emotions in the moment

-How did it impact you emotionally when…
-What were you feeling when…….
-What was it like emotionally to …..
-What emotions got you to react the way you did?

4. how you want others to perceive you

-I want my child to see me as…….
-If someone ask your child to describe you as a parent, what would you want them to say? (This is different from what do u think the kids will say: see below pt 7.  The difference is in the intent of the question)

5. inner conflicts (For example, between your beliefs and actions)

-If you were your best possible self as a parent, how would you respond to the same situation?
-What will your future self say about how you are parenting now?

6. your beliefs and values;

-What will you start / stop / keep in your parenting?
-What kind of parent did you want to be when u found out your were pregnant for the first time?
-Parenting is about ………
-What makes a resilient child?

7. other peoples’ attitudes, feelings, and beliefs

-What will your kids say about you if ask what they thought of you as a parent?
-What are some reaction (verbal, non-verbal) do you get from your kids when you…….
-How will your kids score you on……..
-How is it that your child reacted…….When you…….

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(1)   How do you feel when u did not know how to manage the kid’s behaviour? (Self-awareness)

(2)   What will your future self say about how you are parenting now? (Actual and Ideal self)

(3)   If u had your way, what would you be doing or do differently? (Actual and Ideal self)

(4)   How would your child grow up without the guidance and leadership from you? (Self-awareness)

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(1)   Besides the need for you to bond with your kids to make up for loss time, what other needs do you think is equally important for your kids? (parent needs vs child’s needs)

(2)   While your current parenting is guided by the need to make amends to the kids, supporting them in education is a gift you can contribute to their  future in the long-run? What do you think? (Actual and Ideal self)

(3)   While making amends, what other consideration do u need to think about to prevent making future mistake's in your kids life? (Self-awareness)

(4)   If you were your best possible self as a parent, how would you balance between building bonds with your kids and attend to their learning needs at the same time? (Actual vs Ideal self)

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(1)   “A disappointed child or unhappy child is NOT an unloved child”. What do you think of this statement? (self-awareness)

(2)   “Emotional needs is not just about being happy”. What is your view? (Self-awareness)

(3)   I can see you are being a good parent by giving her the best and protecting her from negative experiences.  I wonder who will do that for her when she grows up and u are no longer around? (Present vs future).

(4)   Having known only happiness, how do you think your child will manage when she experienced negative emotions and failures in the future (Present vs future)

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(1) While keeping the kids @home allay your concern for their safety, would keeping them from school create other concerns and worries for their future? (Present vs future)

(2) I wonder what messaging abt school is being sent to the kids if they r allowed to be absent w/o VR.  (messaging). How will this message affect your future efforts at getting them back to school? (Present vs Future)

(3) I wonder how the current method of keeping them safe is going to work when friends become increasingly more important in their lives. (Parent needs vs  child needs)  What would be a better way to address your concerns of safety for your kids? (Reality vs Ideal)

(4) What do you think of your method of exchanging school for compliance? (Self awareness)

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Group 3
Now your child is in primary school, you are doing most of things for your child (wants).. In the future when your child move to secondary school, he/she make new friends the decision maker will change in your child life how are you going to cope with this.. (What is the intent of this question? what mindset are u targeting to shift?)

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Reality vs Ideal:
The parents want the children to be safe by keeping them at home.
How long do you think you can continue to  protect their children in this manner? (Good)

Present vs Future
What do you want your children to achieve in the future? (missing contrast with the present. Follow up with: How is the current situation supportive of the future you envision for your kids?  )
What parents wants vs what child wants (messaging question??)
By keeping the children safe at home, what kind of message are you sending to your children? (This Question is not "parent vs child wants".  More like messaging. But the intent of this messaging question is not clear where its leading.  Refer to suggested  questions above.)

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Reality vs Ideal
Question
1. If you have a magic wand, what skills would you like to have in order to manage your child's behaviour? (V. Good!! Solution-focused questions!!)

Present vs Future
2. How do you think your child will react to you in 10 years time if you allow this situation to persist? (Great question!!)

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1) If this problem continues, what problem do you feel your child will face in the future? (Present vs Future) (Yes!!)

2) Putting yourself in the position of your child, do you think the act of "giving up" benefit the child in any way? (V. Good Questions!!)

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Creating Dissonance:
1) Besides the need to bond with your children, what other needs do you think your children have? (Good!! Parent need vs child's need)
2) (Exploring the ideal) When they are not in school, what would you like to do with them/what is the ideal way to make up for the loss time? (Then explore reality) What do you do with them when they are not in school? (How does this shift the mindset towards school? as the focus is on relational issue)
3) When you excuse your children from school, I wonder what other messages you might have unknowingly sent them? (Messaging) (Good!!)

Awareness:
1) How do you want your children to think about your excusing them from school? (Good!!)
2) How did your children react when you told them to spend time with you? (Awareness of others)

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Questions to create dissonance
Present vs Future
I hear that you are keeping your children at home becos you want to keep them safe. How will this affect them for their final year exams? (V. Good!!) Can extend their thinking to consider what will happen in the future e.g. where will you want your child to be e.g. retain another year? (Elicit long-term thinking)  (V. Good!!)

What parents want vs what child wants (self reflection questions??)
Do you know what your child really wants? (self reflection for parents)

Messaging (These are not messaging questions)
Do you think it is right to keep your child at home for a long time? (This is a judgmental question: "it is right" putting others in defensive mode to justify action) How will your child feel when they missed out on school for so long? (Feelings of anxiety). (This question has to be more targeted as the answer could be "they are ok with it". This question is asked with the assumption that the kids are anxious to stay away from school, which may not be the case.  Suggested question to encourage self-reflection from parents own point of view: What do u think could be the impact on the  kids when they missed out on school for so long?)

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Group 3

Currently you are always around to protect your child from adversities.. In the future how will your child deal with difficult/challenges situations when you are not there for your child? (Good contrast of Present vs Future)

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1) If you continue to let the child to be absent from school, how do you think it will affect his future?  (Present vs Future)  (Good!!)
2) It sounds like you want the best for your child and school is a place with structure which will benefit your child greatly. How do you think your child will feel if this norm is taken away from them?(Messaging) (This question will have minimal impact on the parent as it does not take reference from the parent's function of the beh & need identified in activity 1 which is to connect with the child / make up for loss time. Refer to suggested question above.

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Ideal Vs Reality (To challenge parents' mindset about being a "Protector" in a long-run vs short-run context)

I understand that you see yourself as a "protector" for the child, especially with regards to the child's happiness. However, how long do you feel you can play this role? For example, if your child is in NS, how do you see yourself protecting him if he were to complain that it is a place that brings him unhappiness? (Good!!)

Ideal vs reality (To challenge parents' mindset about what's important versus what the child wants?)

What I understand from our conversation is that you want the best for your child. May you also share with me the reasons behind focusing on your child's wants and desires at the expense of basic, essential needs? (This question will put parent on offensive to justify / explain his behaviour). Questions should target the needs of the parents eg. from activity 1, the identified needs are to be stress-free / act as saviour , protector.  Suggested questions - spending on the kids meant outstanding bills are not paid. How does that fit in with your role as a protector for the kids when it meant possible eviction or cut off water and electricity?

Messaging

By choosing to spend the money on the wants rather than the needs, what kind of messages do you think you are sending to the kid? (Great messaging question!!)

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Group 10                                    1) You wanted to raise a child who is free to express himself and make his own decision.  The feedback from school showed otherwise. What is amiss? (Ideal vs Reality)         2) When u told your child he could express himself freely, I wonder what other messages u might have unknowingly sent him that resulted in his current behaviour? (Messaging)         3) How has the feedback on his behaviour in school impact the way u see your parenting? Are there things you would start/stop/keep in your parenting? (Self-awareness)  4)	How is it that your child reacted the way he did when you told him to wait for his turn for the TV.  (Awareness of others)

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Group 10                                    1) You wanted to raise a child who is free to express himself and make his own decision.  The feedback from school showed otherwise. What is amiss? (Ideal vs Reality)         2) When u told your child he could express himself freely, I wonder what other messages u might have unknowingly sent him that resulted in his current behaviour? (Messaging)         3) How has the feedback on his behaviour in school impact the way u see your parenting? Are there things you would start/stop/keep in your parenting? (Self-awareness)  4)	How is it that your child reacted the way he did when you told him to wait for his turn for the TV.  (Awareness of others)