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Hey Emilie! A strength about your piece, “The Dream”, was the figurative language. It perfectly pieced the sentences together. One of my favorite sentences was “The flickering light peeking through the old tatted window.” It was well constructed and gave me a good idea of the setting. In addition, I loved the way your story was a dream, and not a reality like other authors and students make their stories. It made your story really unique and different from the others, making it more entertaining to read. Good job! 🥳

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Hi, Emilie! A strength of your narrative, “The dream,” is your word choice. You picked incredible words to describe different things! For example, some that I absolutely enjoyed were lingering, urgency, flickered, and perched. Including these words into your piece made it more interesting and fascinating! In addition, I particularly loved your figurative language and the similes you incorporated throughout your piece. For example, I liked when you said, “her eyes were as wide as a cave.” Your figurative language throughout your piece really help the reader visualize the characters actions, and thoughts. On the other hand, a suggestion I can offer for improvement would be to tell the reader what happened to Meg, and what all the things that happened to her were. As a reader, it was a little bit confusing on what was happening to Meg. Besides that, you did an amazing job writing your narrative story.

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Hi Emilie! I love your sound words in your anecdotes. The RINGGGG makes me feel like I was in the moment. I also love your descriptive words. The way you described it made me feel so in depth. A wish in your essay is that your thesis sentence is in the right order. First in the sentence it says pushing back reduces the depression symptoms and the first paragraph is about improving grades. Other than that I love it.

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Hi Emilie! Something I loved while reading your essay was your little descriptive scene in your hook in the introduction. I thought that it was very descriptive and well written. Nice job! Another thing I enjoyed while reading your essay was the zinger at the end. I felt a question was a good way to end your beautifully written essay. However, something I wish you incorporated into your essay was the author of where you found your information in your evidence. (If it mentioned it) overall, beautiful job writing your essay!

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Hi Emilie! A strength of your essay, “School Start Time Trauma”, is the descriptive word choice you have throughout your piece! In the beginning of your piece, I like how you said, “Imagine a young student dragging themselves up and out of their comfy, soft, luxurious bed.” and “The young student froze as he inched his way to school. The student drifts off to sleep as he approaches his school.”In addition, I also loved your anecdotes in your warrants. There is also a lot of descriptive language in your warrants! I really like how they can bring a good visual to the reader’s mind!However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to start your claim differently in each of your paragraphs. To further explain, I think starting with “schools should most definitely push back the start time of schools because...” should be reworded because starting with the same sentence over again can be “tiring” for the reader to read it multiple times. Overall, your piece was amazing! Great job!

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HOLA FRIENNN. Anywayy, star number one. I really liked all the flashbacks in your story. They gave me a good feeling of suspense, like I didn’t know what was happening and really wanted to learn. For example, “ I see me and Leah running through the sprinkles at my house. I see me and her laughing at some stupid joke i made.” I think that these really brought the story to life. Another star that I saw was a lot of internal dialogue, and almost no real conversation. One that I really liked was “ am i dreaming? Is this real? WHAT IS HAPPENING.” One wish that i have for your wriiting is that you would describe more what Leah looked like and what her personality is. I am still left wondering some off this important detail. BYEEEE

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A strength of your memoir,  “Best Friend” is the way you added so many thoughts. I think it really shows how you feel in your mind. Another strength is that you added a lot of similes and metaphors. One of my favorite similes is “The brown brick wall is as old as time.” However, I think you could work on some punctuation and grammar. Overall your memoir is really good!

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A strength of your memoir, “Best Friend,” is how much figurative language you added. I loved all the smilies you added, especially, “The leaves falling from the sky were little torpedoes crashing down on me.” I really liked how you compared leaves and torpedoes. In addition, I like all of your inner thoughts. I love how there are so many. It makes your piece come much more alive and it really helps the readers know what is going on. However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to work on grammar. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your memoir!

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I loved your lesson, I also believe that friendship is amazing and the way you worded it was amazing. (At this moment I realized how much I value friends. I take my friends for granted when I really shouldn’t. I have so much fun with them. My life would be boring without them. Friendships are meant to last so make them! I love my friends!) Another part of your memoir I liked is the amount of inner thought you put into it. It  really helped me see from your point of view what happened and gave detail into what was happening around you. One wish I have for you is the amount of space. In multiple places your put 2-3 spaces.

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Something that I enjoyed in your About Me is your quotes from Harry Potter! I haven’t read all the books yet, but I actually watched all the movies! Another thing I enjoyed is how much you described your likes and what you enjoy doing.  If I were to add anything to your piece, I would fix the grammar and typos. But, overall, your piece is really good!

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Something that I really enjoyed in your About Me is how you described a lot of your hobbies and how you elaborated them! It helped me really understand and get to know you a lot better. Also, I liked the way you customized your site! I like how you had a lot of purple. I love how you organized it. Just by how your website looked, it made me know you better. It lets me know what you like and stuff like that. However, a little thing I would suggest is to maybe go over your piece a little more. Just to fix maybe some tiny little typos. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your About Me!