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Hi Ryan! To start off ,one thing that I found in your analysis was the details and how easy it was for me to understand the sentences. Another good thing I found  in your writing was how long it was you wrote a lot and for that much and it makes sense it was very easy to read. One thing you could improve on is your transition words. I would add more but also so it would make sense.

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Hello Ryan, one star of your timed essay was your theme. It is a long strong claim that really shows what you thought the theme was. Another star was your evidence was well formatted and put together. One wish is that you had 0 transitions so i would add some.

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Hi Ryan! A strength I found in your analysis paragraph is the strong transition words you wrote there were lots that I didn’t have for my paragraph. This made your paragraph much stronger than how it would be without them. Another strength I found is the analysis of the sensory details they were extremely powerful. One thing I would change in the paragraph is extending the sentence and the paragraph a felt it was a little to long

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Hi, Ryan!!! A strength I found in your essay, “ADD YOUR TITLE z” is when in your anecdotes you were really descriptive and that helped me visualize the setting and actions in the anecdote. It helps the reader a lot it when they are reading the essay. It helped me a lot when reading it. I also liked the way you kept the writing consistent when making this essay so some parts aren’t really bad but others are really good. However I did notice a lot of personal pronouns in this essay I recommend you use the characters name because I mostly saw it in the anecdote. So instead of “he hands back your..” you can use “he hands back[insert characters name here]…   

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Hi, Ryan!!! A strength I found in your essay, “ADD YOUR TITLE z” is when in your anecdotes you were really descriptive and that helped me visualize the setting and actions in the anecdote. It helps the reader a lot it when they are reading the essay. It helped me a lot when reading it. I also liked the way you kept the writing consistent when making this essay so some parts aren’t really bad but others are really good. However I did notice a lot of personal pronouns in this essay I recommend you use the characters name because I mostly saw it in the anecdote. So instead of “he hands back your..” you can use “he hands back[insert characters name here]…   

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Hi Ryan! One strength of your persuasive essay was that your conclusion was very well crafted. You did a great job with all the conclusion parts, especially the call to action and look to the future. Your call to action made it very clear on who could help and what they could do to help. Another great thing about your conclusion was the look to the future. The second thing I liked about your essay was your hook. Your hook was very convincing and a great way to start your essay. Your acondote in your hook was very powerful and caught my attention immediately. However, one thing you could approve of is your word choice. I saw a lot of spots where you could have elevated your word choice a little bit. Overall, you crafted a very strong essay and it was very convincing.

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Hi , Ryan! One of your strengths is your plot. I really liked how you worded everything and how you described everything really well. I thought that your figurative language was very good also like when you said “I'm going to die if I don’t pass this test”. In addition I really liked your hook and how everything went with it I really thought it was good.All though I thought the story could've been a little bit shorter but other whise a really liked it.

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A strength of your narrative, I liked how descriptive you were. Although you didn’t use much figurative language, for the parts you did, I liked how you use it. In addition to that, I liked the creative speaker tags, It helped me understand what kind of person Meg was. However, I did notice a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes that threw me off a bit.

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In your narrative “The final grade” your book really stood out. Showing all the things that Meg was worried about really showed who Meg is as a person. Your hook gave a lot of description which really helped me follow the start. Also your hook helped me follow Meg through the rest of the story. Another thing I liked is that your story had a strong theme. Meg waited to study for her test so long that she had to go to summer school. However, you could’ve broken up your paragraphs a little more. The big paragraphs made it harder to follow. Overall, you had a great story and I enjoyed it a lot.

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A strength in your story, The Final grade is that it had a good lesson. It told the reader to use the time that you have. I think that this is a good theme since it’s more original than, don’t judge a book by its cover. Another strength of your story is that it had a good main character. I liked how you used STEAL to make a well rounded character. The main character Meg is a good main character and is not one sided. A wish I have for your story is that you could’ve added commas when they were needed. There were some other grammar errors but besides that good story.

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One thing I liked was when you told us about Meg sneaking down at midnight to study. It showed how she really wanted to pass the test. Another thing I liked was when her mom came down and had to carry her to the bus. I could see how tired she really was. One thing you can improve on is the ending. It felt rushed. You could have added to the dialogue of her telling her mother sh failed and the part where she was the only one at summer school.

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A strength of your memoir “The Change” had lots of figurative Language For example, loved when you said his tears were a rain storm. It really made me think of what you meant. In Addition, I really felt like your ending was amazing. It really made me think of what this whole story was really about. I am so sorry about your mom. I really liked your memoir Ryan. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvements was that you could have told us what your brother said and how he was feeling but other than that your memoir was amazing great job!

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I really liked how you started off your memoir. It was really good because it made me want to keep reading. I like how you expressed your emotions and how you felt during the situation. I think that you could’ve made your ending a little better by adding inner thoughts at the end of it.

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In your moment “The Change” you included a lot of details. You told us exactly what happened as it happened. You showed your emotion along with your  thoughts making the memoir so much better. I also liked how you told us about how you found your mom on the ground not moving a muscle. I could see it all play out in my head. One thing I think you could work on is the ending. I think you had a good ending but I think you could have made a more powerful ending.

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A strength in your writing was how you included your emotions, it really let the reader know exactly how you felt in the moment. Another strength of yours was the detail, for example how you added that the floor was creaking, your mom wanted to redecorate the table. Doing that really helps the reader paint a picture of what was going on. Something you could work on is the length of your peace and adding more sensory details, other than that i liked the way you maid you peace.

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I thought that one of your biggest strengths was your figurative language . I thought that the words and the way you used them were amazing like when you said “ his face was like when you were on the first drop of a roller coaster. I thought that the figurative language was also good because you didn’t pack it into one part, you spread it throughout all of your writing.I also really liked how you left the story on sort of a cliff hanger . I liked how you left the reader not knowing what happened after you went to bed. I thought that it was going to get what happened but instead you left us the reader not knowing what happened and getting us on the edge of our seats to know what happened.Something I thought you could've done better on was your choice of words I thought that instead of using basic words you could've  added words that meant the same things but sounded better.

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The best part of your memoir “The Change” was that you really expressed your feelings in a way that made me feel like I was there watching it as it happened. This really is a good story. adding onto that your lesson learned was really deep and meant something it really changed the way I looked at it. However your story was covering a long period of time I think you could have made it shorter. 

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The best part of your memoir “The Change” was that you really expressed your feelings in a way that made me feel like I was there watching it as it happened. This really is a good story. adding onto that your lesson learned was really deep and meant something it really changed the way I looked at it. However your story was covering a long period of time I think you could have made it shorter. 

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Your memoir “The Change” had lots of figurative language which helped me feel like I was with you in the moment. All of the similes and metaphors gave more detail. Another thing I think you did well is capturing the moment from your perspective and showing all your feelings. Since this was directly from your perspective we were able to tell what you felt and what was going through your mind. One thing I think you could’ve done better is making your ending more detailed. I feel like the events at the end were not as clearly described as everything else.

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Your memoir, “The Change”, used a lot of inner thoughts. I could understand what you were thinking very clearly. Another thing you did well was that you used a lot of similes. The comparisons really helped me understand what the moment was like.However, you could improve on being a bit more descriptive so the reader could understand what the place looked like.