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Best Corny Dad Jokes

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

"My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward."

"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"

"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."

"What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" "They're both Paris sites."

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."

"How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "You follow the fresh prints."

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims."

"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."

Dad Joke
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"What do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A satisfactory."

"Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems."

"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"

"Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet."

"What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."

"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."

"I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."

"How does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."

"What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."

"What did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.'"

"Where do fruits go on vacation?" "Pear-is!"

"I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing."

"What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?"

"What's the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."

"What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!"

"Where do you learn to make a banana split?" "Sundae school."

"What has more letters than the alphabet?" "The post office!"

"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"

"What do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less."

"I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind."

"Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc."

"I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady."

"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"

"How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."

"Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."

"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."

"What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."

"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."

"What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."

"Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones."

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"Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?" "Yellow!"

"This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."

"What kind of car does an egg drive?" "A yolkswagen."

"Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."

"How do you make 7 even?" "Take away the s."

"How does a taco say grace?" "Lettuce pray."

"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."

"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts."

"What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."

"I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction."

"What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"

"What does a bee use to brush its hair?" "A honeycomb!"

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."

"Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!"

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."

"My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line."

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!"

"How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill?" "Walking. JK! Rowling."

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

"A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."

"You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg."

"When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?"

"I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."

"Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."

"That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted."

"Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them."

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"If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

"What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."

"I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea."

"Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up."

"A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'"

"I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate."

"I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands."

"Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist."

"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."

"I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."

"How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"

"Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."

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"I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."

"I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."

"I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!"

"I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since."

"You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."

"What's brown and sticky? A stick."

"Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."

"What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

"What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk."

"I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!"

"What's the best smelling insect?" "A deodor-ant."

"I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice."

"Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!"

"If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

"I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know."

"It takes guts to be an organ donor."

"If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?"

"I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!"

"I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it."

Best Dad Joke Puns

"What do you call a fake noodle?" "An impasta."

"What do you call a belt made of watches?" "A waist of time."

"What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?" "Traffic jam."

"What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?" "Prime mates."

"What do you call a pony with a sore throat?" "A little hoarse."

"Where do math teachers go on vacation?" "Times Square."

"Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers."

"What does garlic do when it gets hot?" "It takes its cloves off."

"What's a robot's favorite snack?" "Computer chips."

"How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?" "Nothing, it's on the house."

"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."

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"What do clouds wear?" "Thunderwear."

"Why are piggy banks so wise?" "They're filled with common cents."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying?" "He neverlands."

"How do you get a good price on a sled?" "You have toboggan."

"How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?" "By its bark."

"I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me."

"It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa."

"What do you call a hot dog on wheels?" "Fast food!"

"Where do young trees go to learn?" "Elementree school."

"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."

"Can February March? No, but April May!"

"How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!"

"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."

"What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream."

"Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants."

"I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy."

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"Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!"

"When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent."

"I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off."

"What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar."

"I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!"

"Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels."

"Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb."

"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."

"Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island."

"What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging."

"What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam."

"Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends."

"If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?" "An iWitness."

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to be honest the book wasn't that good it was like saints, it had at sometime 0 plot development or 0 character development the book wrote never found a balance! In the beginning there was no plot development, there wasn't even a plot, it was just a boy in town who likes opera, finds a girl he likes, evil priests appear, father gets beat up done that's it. The entire book is basically a kid who lives in a poor village fights to a friend who died. near the middle he finds a person who gives him "mystic vision" so he can see the dead and then dies (when he gives him the "mystic vision" the story tries to make it look suspicious). Near the end the main character dies gets revived gets told a story about a person who has eyes on there pams much link in saints where vibiana meats jesus the main character is being told a story about a goddess(idk) and then dies. Now there's not enough context on whats happening, and how is this anyway shape or form related to anything. - daniel

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ABC American Born Chinese I'm so American Born Chinese it's about this kid open California two new school he has no friends.Is one kid being extremely rude to him cuz he was never born in China he was born in America in this kid said stay away from my dog.Later it skips to lunch this American kid asks what is that she said the kid was eating it getting the name but if this is dumplings and the kid with the same kid I said say what we from my doctor earlier said that's disgusting

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Ignore this
This is purely a joke

Stop posting about BALLER.
I'm tired of seeing it!
All my friends on Tiktok send me BALLER
All my friends on DISCORD send me BALLER
I was tryna show my girlfriend this cool ar-
AY YOU AINT GOT NO GIRLFRIEND. STOP THE CAP
I was on origamistudio right-
And ALL THE POSTS
Were just- BALLER
BALLER
Haha!
(Kazoo saul goodman theme)
I looked at a guest avatar and said, "Hmm, that's a bit BALLER"
I looked at my ____s, I think of a peanut, i say "____s! MORE LIKE- BALLER"
End

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ABC (American born chinese) pg. 30-60 11/10/22

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ABC (American born chinese) pg. 30-60 11/10/22

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Page 31, It introduces us to another asian person, but the main character avoids her. Some people pick on the main character for having dumplings, Then the next 2 pages he gets picked on more, then a new asian kid is introduced. The main character says that he wants to beat him up for some reason, but they become friends. From page 42 - 50 something there is new character and storyline, Danny and chin-kee. Keep chin-kee and Danny in mind, The other girl does NOT matter at like- ALL. BACK TO MONKE!!!! the monke king makes monkes wear shoe :((( The monkey king trains in his cave, he is now immune to fire, ice, water, and wounds. also he can now go into giant form, smaller form, hair into clones, and shape shift. He is now "A human" and he goes up to the dragon king, and page 60 ok bye

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ABC ( American born chinese) pg. 1-30 Also 11/9/22 

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ABC ( American born chinese) pg. 1-30 Also 11/9/22 

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MY summaries have been too long so im just gonna do a short one. First 20 pages, introduces you to the monkey king and heaven exists, he also has 4 arts of kung fu, lightning fist, thunderous foot, heavenly senses, and cloud as steed. anyways he flies to heaven because there is a dinner party, it feels like he waited an eternity in line and then isn't allowed in. all the gods at the party laugh at him and he trashes everyone there and goes back down. then new main character, they are moving from their old apartment? and this girl says that you can become anything if you forfeit your soul (he wants to become a transformer when he is older) and he is introduced to his school after that and thats page 30 ok dnoe also keep the lady in mind, she is important for the whole timeline of the story later on

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Also, I have already read the book around 6 times, just forgot to document it. Anyways, Page 30, Where we left off says that it's spring again, and that the village potter has made a new Tu-di-gong. The village potter is a gambler and drunk. Anyways!- Fast forward to 1898, Bao is fighting with Bing Wong-Bing, The dentist's son. and they are playing a game with human teeth (I don't know either man). I forgot to mention it's also raining, and a strike of thunder makes a crash outside. Bao decides to go inside, and almost takes the teeth home but Bing Wong-Bing says that his dad would kill him if he didn't get them (not litterally). Bao goes in to check in on his dad, who is still mumbling bla bla bla this is supposed to be a short summary There is a flood for 6 days, and apparently the town was eating insects and drinking tree bark soup from the flood? then Kwan Yu's wife is dead? (the village potter) When? Anyway, They clean up their homes and bla bla bla This person comes around selling cooking oil and grandma crooked yells at him for "Teasing them about their hunger" because he didnt know they just suffered through a flood and then he hits her in the neck and she can open her right eye (She could not open it for 15 years) and then people ask for help and he helps them and does not ask for payment bla bla this is getting too long He's doign kung fu and they say if they want to learn from him bla bla bla they do end up learning bao cant though and red lantern feel bad bla bla bla he hides behind a house and starts training then red lantern wakes him up in the night and tells him to flick a rock to turn into a little finger gun and doesnt know he had been training his whole life from the teeth game that he played bla bla they flick rocks at baos friends bla bla bla bao now has kung fu skills red lantern talks about women and then he brings swords thats page 61 shott

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10/19

The beginning of the book starts with the main character Vivian getting shunned and rejected from her family, after Vivian tries to impress her parents to gain their love, but she destroys a small statue of the storys god by mistake. After she destroys the statue she gets thrown out of the house. She finds an old raccoon that guides her.

10/20

main character become christian and discovered a “saint” called joan in the forest. After she comes to the village doctor to ask him because he was the only person she could trust. The doctor teaches her the about christianity and the gospel. Vivian eventually becomes christian and starts talking to the church priest. After she prepares for a battle.

10/21

There's a battle and everyone dies, but before Vibiana dies she sees Joan tied up and almost dead. After trying to talk to Joan and failing she sees Jesus Christ, and she starts talking to him. Jesus grows an eye on each hand and loses his shirt, and says “you need to be mindful of your self Vibana.” it returns to reality and vibana dies.

OPINION/REACTION/TECHNIQUES
The book was okay it was short and not much plot! There was no actual interesting part of the book.The techniques are that it tries to stay true to history and still make it accurate

-Daniel

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This book feels like a newer book, looking to hook you in for the first few pages. It gives a plot twist within the first 30 pages, so i accidentally read to page 39. whoops
Anyways, The first few pages of Boxers introduces you to the main character, Bao, but doesn't immediately tell you his name, just telling you his favorite season is spring and that he enjoys the operas that his town hosts. He talks how he enjoys them, and how they all worship (i think) Tu di gong, the earth god. In the next few pages, he meets another character that he sees, and wants to marry because of her "beautiful" face. I have to cut this short because i'm writing too much. Bla bla bla, Grandma crooked is arguing with someone, she gets punched, the guy that punched grandma crooked gets punched, the guy comes back for revenge, tu di gong dies, the town people try to take revenge and bao's father gets beat up
bla bla bla

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...Wow very brutal. I felt while reading that there is too many deaths along the story and that it feels different than what i've read.-CHASE

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they used the setting and the birth date to align the story together to make it fit with boxers.-CHASE

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i reacted suprized and shocked because of what they do to four-girl/Vibiana. They don't even call her by her real name and the grandfather called her a devil.
_chase