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Some tips for parents when cyber bullying is happening. 

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Some tips for parents when cyber bullying is happening. 

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Grab some blocks and get building! A Lego activity to play and talk your child through the topic of cyberbullying

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Grab some blocks and get building! A Lego activity to play and talk your child through the topic of cyberbullying

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Some Great resources from Lego discussing Cyberbullying

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Some Great resources from Lego discussing Cyberbullying

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https://www.lego.com/en-us/sustainability/cyberbullying-tips-for-parents

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"Research has shown digital stimulation associated with screen time can damage an area of the brain called the insula. This area is directly related to empathy development along with other brain activities such as executive functioning. All of this is hugely important to the brain functions and happiness of our current students...The good ship Empathy has capsized on a rising tide of algorithms and artificial intelligence."

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By Matthew S. Howell

Empathy is the pathway between us. Like a trail winding through the woods it connects each of us through shared experiences and emotions. As educators, it connects us to our students, our colleagues and our communities. Empathy can be used to cultivate shared experiences and bring essential understanding to our differences. Kindness, helpfulness, collaboration, authentic connection, happiness and joy are all byproducts of empathy expression. If empathy were at the core of our educational system how might our schools differ? If we were to value empathy and compassion as much as we do academic standards and test scores would our students' happiness improve?

We are at a time in history when students and staff are confused by the world around them. Bewildered by the endless mass of streaming content, the average person spends upwards of 10.5 hours a day in front of a screen. The neurological impact is largely understudied, and the early indicators do not look good. Research has shown digital stimulation associated with screen time can damage an area of the brain called the insula. This area is directly related to empathy development along with other brain activities such as executive functioning. All of this is hugely important to the brain functions and happiness of our current students.

In education, we have been quick to adopt new technologies without long range data about the impact the implementation has on students and staff. With Chromebooks for instance, being unboxed in American classrooms at a rate of 30,000 per day, there is quite literally a wave of technology entering our schools. We are rushing down the information corridor, toward a virtual reality before we have learned to exist empathetically in our current reality. Without empathy, particularly self-empathy, a person will never know internal peace, nor will they be able to express empathy towards others. This is to say nothing about an individual's ability to process and respond appropriately to academic and social stressors.

Empathy requires specific conditions in which it can thrive. It demands time and attention to active listening and thoughtful speaking. Without the practiced art of conversation, empathy cannot be communicated well, and it absolutely requires more than 140 characters.

Another foundational element of empathy development is deep and sustained eye contact, especially in times of conversational discomfort. Shakespeare told us that, "The eyes are the window to your soul" because eye contact allows a person to see their reflection in another. This connection cannot exist in front a screen, on a social media post, or in a set of virtual reality goggles.

Empathy cannot exist without vulnerability either. Both parties must show an authentic glimpse of themselves or there will be no empathy, because empathy is the space where you and I become we. Both parties must have the conscious ability to enter the empathy realm with each other. Naturally, trust is implied on all accounts.

If I am to understand what you are feeling, I must first find that experience within myself and identify with it. I must also have the cognitive and emotional ability to bridge that feeling and enter relationship on the topic in order that I might access empathy. These are learned skills that can and should be taught, but first they must be mastered by the teacher, administrator, and community member alike.

In simple terms, we must be willing to walk a mile in another person's shoes. In a school, teachers and administrators can endeavor to partake in experiential empathy. Teachers can take their students homework home for a week in all subjects. Administrators might consider teaching a challenging class for several periods, and both teachers and administrators would do well to follow a student's schedule for the day.

Honest reflection may yield ugly, but honest results. Was the experience fun? Rewarding? Uplifting? What is the aim of the school culture if the experience is negative or lackluster? Was a feeling of empathy and mindfulness pervasive in the halls and classes?

If we think of empathy as a community garden, the conditions mentioned above are the soil that must be tilled and prepared to create a space where empathy can grow. The seeds are the thoughts we think, the sentiments we share, the emotions harbored or released. Each encounter we have with students, colleagues, and parents is an opportunity to give and receive empathy.

Unfortunately, the digital medium cannot convey empathy. Empathy is lost digitally in a sea of ones and zeros. The good ship Empathy has capsized on a rising tide of algorithms and artificial intelligence.

So how can we create conditions where our students and staff learn to create, develop, and sustain empathy when our educational system is not designed for this goal? With an overemphasis on standardized test scores and the ceaseless collection of teacher and student data, empathy is lost in the white noise. The current systemic conditions are counter to the requirements for empathy growth by design and content; not to mention scope and outmoded implementation practices.

The digital age is flattening emotional intelligence as the delivery system of content bypasses the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain most associated with empathy development, and enters the subconscious mind. Research has shown that students are unlikely to understand how their brain works, thinking of it as a storehouse for memory and facts. Students are also unlikely to control their brain functions as well as they can a smartphone because they have not been taught how to do so. This is the antithesis of empathetic education.

Educators must consider how to create conditions where empathy thrives. There is promising work taking place at Stanford University in this area which proves that empathy and compassion can be learned. Similar efforts are underway at Emory University regarding cognitively based compassion training with powerful results.

The hope is that science will share information, which in turn will lead to policy and curricular shifts, where empathy becomes our cultural norm not the last blip of essential humanity on a radar screen. In a world with unprecedented access to information, we are on the verge of digitizing our thoughts with the exclusion of empathy as the result.

There are many things a school and district can do to meet the need for empathy creation directly. It is imperative that counseling departments be fully staffed with experts in the field. Professional development around organizational empathy will bring about a positive staff attitude prepared to engage in the task of empathetic education. In my school, we have instituted Screen Free Fridays to allow our students and staff a break from digital inputs. All are steps in the right direction; however, we are swimming against a mighty digital and economic current.

With many of the challenges facing our world, educators must prepare students to understand and practice empathy. This will allow for diversity, inclusion, creativity and respect of our natural world. Technology is rapidly advancing with computer chips like IBM's True North developed with neurons and synapses mimicking the human brain. While this will lead to devices which can approximate correct emotional responses, empathy is a unique human trait that will never be realized through technology and therefore must be honored.

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Developing Empathy in the Digital Age | edCircuit

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Empathy is the pathway between us. As educators, it connects us to our students, our colleagues and our communities. In education, we have been quick to adopt new technologies without long range data about the impact the implementation has on students and staff.

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Youth And the Digital Empathy (R)evolution Ted Talk

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Youth And the Digital Empathy (R)evolution Ted Talk

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Youth & the Digital Empathy (R)evolution  | Vanessa Arelle | TEDxMarrakesh

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How to Help Kids Develop Empathy from Harvard's Making Caring Common

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How to Help Kids Develop Empathy from Harvard's Making Caring Common

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Children learn empathy both from watching us and from experiencing our empathy for them. When we empathize with our children they develop trusting, secure attachments with us. Those attachments are key to their wanting to adopt our values and to model our behavior, and therefore to building their empathy for others.

Empathizing with our children takes many forms, including tuning in to their physical and emotional needs, understanding and respecting their individual personalities, taking a genuine interest in their lives, and guiding them toward activities that reflect an understanding of the kind of people they are and the things they enjoy.

Children also learn empathy by watching those we notice and appreciate. They'll notice if we treat a server in a restaurant or a mail carrier as if they're invisible. On the positive side, they'll notice if we welcome a new family in our child's school or express concern about another child in our child's class who is experiencing one challenge or another.

Finally, it's important for us to recognize what might be getting in the way of our empathizing. Are we, for example, exhausted or stressed? Does our child push our buttons in a specific way that makes caring for her or him hard at times?

Try this

Know your child. Ask your child questions. For example, what did you learn today that was interesting? What was the hardest part of your day? How would you most like to spend a day if you could do anything? Do you have a friend that you especially respect? Why do your respect that person?

Demonstrate empathy for others, including those different from you. Consider regularly engaging in community service or model other ways of contributing to a community. Even better, consider doing this with your child. Express interest in those from various backgrounds facing many different types of challenges.

Engage in self-care and self-reflection. Try to find time to regularly engage in an activity-whether it's going for a walk, reading a book, meditating or praying-that can help you avoid being overwhelmed by stress. Reflect and consult with people you trust when you're having a hard time empathizing with your child.

2. Make caring for others a priority and set high ethical expectations.

If children are to value others' perspectives and show compassion for them, it's very important that they hear from their parents that caring about others is a top priority, and that it is just as important as their own happiness. Even though most parents say that raising caring children is a top priority, often children aren't hearing that message.

Try this

Keep to a clear message. Consider the daily messages you send to children about the importance of caring. For example, instead of saying "The most important thing is that you're happy," you might say "The most important thing is that you're kind and that you're happy."

Prioritize caring when you talk with other important adults in your children's lives. For example, ask teachers and coaches whether your children are caring community members in addition to asking about their academic skills, grades, or performance.

Help your children understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. It's vital at times for parents to put children's concern for others above their happiness, for example, insisting at times that children turn off the TV and help around the house, be polite even when they are in a bad mood, or not dominate the airwaves when they are talking to other children or adults.

3. Provide opportunities for children to practice empathy.

Children are born with the capacity for empathy, but it needs to be nurtured throughout their lives. Learning empathy is in certain respects like learning a language or a sport. It requires practice and guidance. Regularly considering other people's perspectives and circumstances helps make empathy a natural reflex and, through trial and error, helps children get better at tuning into others' feelings and perspectives.

Try this

Have family meetings. Hold family meetings when there are family challenges or conflicts, and in those meetings give children a voice and encourage them to take the perspective of other family members. Listen carefully to your children's views and ask your children to listen carefully to the views of others.

Encourage empathy for peers. Ask children about their classmates and other peers. Ask children when they're in conflicts with peers to consider their peers' perspectives.

Reflect on empathy and caring. Notice with your child when you're together and someone exhibits strong empathy-or shows a lack of empathy-either in your daily life or in a book or on television. Discuss why acts of empathy are important and why lacking empathy can be harmful.

Discuss ethical dilemmas. Discuss with your child ethical dilemmas that help them appreciate various perspectives, e.g., "Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn't like her?" "Should I tell my friend if I know her boyfriend, who is also my friend, cheated on her?"

Support doing with. Encourage children not just to do service, to "do for" others, but to "do with" others, working with diverse groups of students to respond to community problems.

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5 Tips for Cultivating Empathy - Making Caring Common

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Empathy is at the heart of what it means to be human. It's a foundation for acting ethically, for good relationships of many kinds, for loving well, and for professional success. And it's key to preventing bullying and many other forms of cruelty.

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Zoom out to gain perspective on others feelings

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Zoom out to gain perspective on others feelings

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"One suggestion is to help kids expand their circle of concern beyond their close group of friends. In other words, help your teen learn to “zoom out” and consider how their words and actions make others feel—especially online. “Will posting this picture embarrass my friend?” “If I don’t invite Sam to my party, and she sees the event on Facebook, will she feel left out?” “I really want to brag about making the team, but a lot of kids didn’t—will their feelings be hurt?”"

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School's out, and teenagers are filling the daily void by clocking in overtime on their favorite social media sites. Now is an excellent time for you to talk with them about appropriate social media conduct. The concept "think before you post" is lost on some kids, and can result in hurt, pain, and embarrassment.

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"Make sure kids understand what cyberbullying is: repeated and unwanted mean or hurtful words or behavior that occur online (through texts, social media posts, online chat, etc.)."

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Just like you'd ask your kid about their sleep, exercise, and eating, stay on top of their online life. Who are they chatting with? How do people treat each other in the games and on the sites they're using?

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"If kids feel like they might have trouble removing themselves from digital drama, experiment with some different ways they can make a graceful exit. Talk through words they can use, ways they can steer conversations in positive directions, etc."

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"Let kids know that supporting a friend or acquaintance who is being bullied can make a big difference. If they feel safe confronting the bully, they should. If not, a private message to the victim can be enough to help someone through a tough time. Speaking up against hate speech is important, too."

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If you notice your kid getting pulled into digital drama, help them take a break. It's great if they can determine for themselves when they need to step back, but they might need some help setting limits. Putting devices to bed at a specific time, plus breaks for mealtimes and face-to-face connection, can help kids recharge.

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"Walk through what to do if your kid is being bullied online. First, step away. Ignoring a bully can be very effective. If the bullying continues, take screenshots or print out evidence. Then block the person. If it gets worse, report the behavior to a trusted adult. Talk about who those people are and make sure your kid has their contact information."