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Companies are making massive investments in technologies that can more closely link their people to each other, to customers, and to other stakeholders. Yet many struggle because their cultures get in the way — too many layers and silos, too many colleagues who prefer to stay in their comfort zones,…

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NYTime: Regret is Painful. Here's HOw to Harness It. 

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NYTime: Regret is Painful. Here's HOw to Harness It. 

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Regret Is Painful. Here’s How to Harness It.

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You might even find it leads to some new insights.

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TIME: 7 Ways to Bring a Dead Friendship Back to Life

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TIME: 7 Ways to Bring a Dead Friendship Back to Life

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7 Ways to Bring a Dead Friendship Back to Life

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Positivity, consistency, and vulnerability play a key role in strengthening friendships.

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In the news

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LA Times

Many New Year's resolutions are only half-intended from the get-go. But if you're serious about improving your health or fitness, a commitment contract can give you hundreds of reasons to see it through each week.

read more

Scientific American

To take one notable example, on the commitment contract website stickK.com, users put down some money (say, $200) and state a goal they want to achieve (such as to lose ten pounds in a month). They also need to state what will happen to the money if they don't stick to their commitments (eg, it'll go to a friend or to a charity they do not like).

read more

Inc.com

...stickK, the app that promises to help you achieve life, business, health, and career goals. Created by behavioral economists at Yale University, the free goal-setting platform influences behavior change through loss aversion and accountability.

read more

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Self-improvement. Powered by behavioral science.

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view more articles Many New Year's resolutions are only half-intended from the get-go. But if you're serious about improving your health or fitness, a commitment contract can give you hundreds of reasons to see it through each week.

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​After discovering a co-worker washing out his colostomy bag in the restroom at his workplace, another employee complained to his boss about it. The manager, similarly disturbed by the behavior, went to HR seeking to fire the co-worker for safety and hygiene violations.

That wasn't the right response, says Margaret Driscoll, who was a senior regional HR director at the New England-based company at the time, as there were no job-related performance issues at play in this instance.

So instead of preparing termination paperwork, Driscoll sat down with the employee to talk, and she learned the reason for his behavior: He was washing and reusing his colostomy bag to save money to pay for his wife's expensive medical treatments. Driscoll addressed the situation by arranging for benefits to assist with the medical care for the employee's wife.

"He needed help, and we got him help," Driscoll says. "We were able to use our current medical plan, plus other resources from the American Cancer Society, to best assist him and his family during those hard times."

While employee conflicts are inevitable, this incident underscores the importance of talking to employees before irritations and minor disagreements escalate into full-scale warfare. "You try to understand what the issue is," says Driscoll, now chief people and culture officer at Blackbaud, a cloud computing provider based in Charleston, S.C. "You have to learn empathy and care."

Simmering Tensions

Employee conflicts can be a huge distraction at work, leading to reduced productivity and lower morale. They can also be time-consuming. Employees and managers spend an average of 4.3 hours a week dealing with conflict, according to Conflict at Work, a 2022 global research report by the Myers-Briggs Co. Of the 271 employees surveyed, most of whom were from the U.S. and the United Kingdom, 36 percent said they deal with workplace conflict "often" or "all the time."

The most common causes of conflict? Poor communication, lack of role clarity and heavy workloads, the survey results revealed. Those conflicts take a toll on job satisfaction. Employees who spend more hours dealing with conflict are also more likely to be dissatisfied with their jobs than those who spend less time handling conflict, the report concluded.

Of course, not all conflict is unhealthy. Some conflict in the workplace can be a good thing, according to Amy Gallo, author of Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) (Harvard Business Review Press, 2022) and HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict (Harvard Business Review Press, 2017). "Healthy conflict includes disagreements, debates or discussions that advance a conversation, meeting or project toward a goal," Gallo says. "It has lots of benefits, including better work outcomes, innovation, improved relationships, and opportunities for those involved to learn and grow."

However, she adds, "conflict turns unhealthy when people begin to disrespect one another. They get stuck in an endless tug of war, or those involved start focusing on the people rather than the problem." Frustrations can be magnified in a remote-work environment, where relationships exist primarily on computer screens. In such situations, "conflict has the ability to simmer longer than if it was in person," Driscoll says.

Reduce the Heat

Company executives should encourage managers to work out issues among their team members as long as the complaints don't raise legal concerns, experts say.

No one in HR wants employees coming to them with minor issues such as scheduling conflicts or other matters that fall under a supervisor's purview, says Myrna L. Maysonet, chief diversity officer and partner at law firm Greenspoon Marder LLP in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. "The goal should be solving it at the lowest level possible," Maysonet says. "You want your manager to manage the everyday issues. HR can't be the arbitrator of things all the time. Nobody can do that."

That means HR leaders should train managers on how to resolve employee conflicts and on when to elevate issues. "HR has the responsibility to ensure the managers are equipped and know where to go for the resources" to handle infighting on their teams, Maysonet says. If they don't know what to do, company leaders should encourage them to ask for help.

To defuse tensions within teams, managers should motivate individuals to resolve conflicts among themselves and coach them on how to do so, Gallo advises. "The tricky part is that people often end up in a disagreement without knowing exactly what they're disagreeing about, so part of your job is to help them clarify what the issue is."

Some managers-and HR professionals-prefer to avoid conflict or don't want to admit that they can't handle a problem themselves. While it's tempting to think a problem will go away if ignored, that never happens, says Sharon Lovoy, an HR consultant and communications trainer based in the Birmingham, Ala., area. "If there is water on the plant floor, you wouldn't want someone not to say something. That's a safety issue," she points out.

The same is true for raising people-related concerns. When a manager comes to HR leadership about a conflict between employees, those leaders must then weigh whether the issue is a matter of people not getting along, or if more egregious behavior is involved.

If the disagreement is minor, Lovoy favors bringing the two parties together to talk. She suggests HR professionals help alleged offenders understand why their behaviors were problematic and facilitate a process in which those involved in the conflict can have a conversation. Sometimes the offended party just wants an apology and an acknowledgment that the behavior was unacceptable. But apologies must be authentic-simply saying "I'm sorry if I offended you" won't fly-and must include a promise not to repeat the behavior at issue.

Conflict can also occur between departments, especially when they have different agendas, objectives and cultures. If departments can't resolve their differences on their own, company leaders can assist them by trying to understand what's at stake. "What is the nature of the conflict? What is the core issue that the departments can't agree on? Once you have a sense of what that is, you can encourage the people in those departments to understand how their goals are connected," Gallo says. Then call attention to how the departments rely on each other.

"It can also be helpful to facilitate a conversation with the relevant stakeholders to help them articulate what they would ideally want an outcome to look like," Gallo adds. "Then, seek to find common ground in what each department wants."

Put Out the Fire

Sometimes the resolution fails, and company leaders have no choice but to terminate the offending party. That was the case some years ago when Kimberley Pasquarella, SHRM-SCP, was the HR director at a call center in the Northeast. A junior employee was struggling at work because her supervisor was giving her unreasonable deadlines, withholding information, micromanaging and verbally abusing her. She "was nervous all of the time, constantly in fear of being ridiculed," recalls Pasquarella, who is now vice president of employee experience at LeadingAge, a nonprofit membership organization for providers of aging services in Washington, D.C.

The situation went on for several months, but the employee was afraid to confront her boss and felt uncomfortable going to HR. The problem didn't come to light until a concerned co-worker informed HR.

The two-member HR department launched an investigation. While there was no evidence of discrimination on the basis of a protected class, it became clear that the manager was undermining the employee at every turn. "There was definitely a pattern," Pasquarella says. "It started out by the person sort of micromanaging to the point [where] the employee really couldn't do her job. Everything she did was not up to the standards of this person."

Then, complaints about the supervisor started rolling in from other employees. HR noticed absentee rates were up for her team and for cross-functional teams working directly with her. Pasquarella and the CEO coached the supervisor. They also brought in an external coach and required the supervisor to attend anti-harassment training. While the individual showed some improvement at first, complaints resurfaced within eight months; ultimately, the company dismissed her.

"We really valued what that leader was bringing to the organization, but ultimately the cost was too great to the organization to allow the behavior" to continue, Pasquarella says. "We took all the steps we felt we could take, but at some point the accused has to be accountable for themselves."

Lay the Groundwork

Employers should have certain protocols in place for handling employee conflicts. For example, organizations should craft a written anti-discrimination policy, establish reporting procedures and develop a documentation process for information gathered during an investigation, Maysonet says. Those investigations should involve talking to both parties and any witnesses and gathering evidence. When complaints involve sexual harassment, company leaders should take immediate steps to separate the parties.

Maysonet's firm advises company executives to be alert for the types of complaints that could turn into big problems, such as discrimination allegations and issues related to the Americans with Disabilities Act or the Family and Medical Leave Act. Addressing anonymous complaints that don't contain specifics, such as the date and time of an alleged incident and the identities of the person or people involved, can be challenging. However, if the department is identified, it's worth talking to the manager, says David L. Barron, an attorney with Cozen O'Connor who practices in Dallas and Houston. There could be an opportunity for training.

If a worker complains about colleagues' rude behavior, for example, the manager could take five minutes at the start of a shift to talk to employees about treating each other with respect. Doing so can demonstrate that HR and the company's leadership take complaints seriously.

When dealing with discrimination-related complaints lodged by employees in protected classes, company leaders should guard against retaliation, Barron says. Federal law protects individuals against retaliation when they allege discrimination in the workplace, regardless of the validity or reasonableness of the complaint-and retaliation charges are harder for employers to defend against. It's important for a company's leaders to create a nonretaliation policy and communicate it to everyone involved in an investigation, including witnesses and supervisors, Barron says.

A supervisor who has been accused of discriminating against an employee might react by avoiding the employee who complained. However, that can lead to allegations of retaliation. For example, Barron warns, the employee might say, " 'People won't talk to me anymore. They don't invite me to lunch anymore. I was not in this meeting. I wasn't aware of promotional opportunities.' So it's a slippery slope."

Mutual Respect

Ultimately, company leaders can minimize employee conflicts by cultivating a strong workplace culture built on fairness, trust and mutual respect at all levels of the organization. That requires executives and managers to lead by example.

To minimize conflicts at Blackbaud, for example, employees are required to complete annual online training on expectations for respectful conduct at work. "We want our employees to know how their leadership should be communicating to them [and] what to do if you see something," Driscoll says.

Preventing damaging conflict is easier when an organization has a strong, supportive workplace culture that cultivates trust. Here are some tips for company leaders to help build that trust, encourage healthy conflict, and prevent or address destructive conflict:

Survey employees. Conduct annual engagement surveys and have conversations with employees in the interim. Ask employees how well the company handles conflict. The results can help identify departments that have widespread problems so company leaders can know where they need to concentrate training and intervention.

Celebrate desired behavior. Have managers seek out opportunities to acknowledge and praise employees.

Welcome healthy dissent. Managers should encourage dissent that's focused on tasks, strategies and mission. Sometimes a retreat with an outside facilitator is the best way to get beyond surface conversations.

Create diverse teams. Create work teams whose members have diverse expertise, ways of thinking and backgrounds. Appointing a rotating "devil's advocate" is a good way to stir up productive conflict.

Create accountability. This can help prevent conflicts, since many fights arise from a lack of clarity over who has the final authority to make a decision. Making sure roles are well established and communicated clearly can prevent problems from arising.

Encourage people to manage their own conflicts. Tell employees to work out conflict at the level it occurs rather than pushing it up the organizational chain. Doing so will give people confidence that they're capable of handling these issues on their own.

Provide training. Employers can help people learn the skills they need to handle conflict by sending them to courses or recommending helpful books. Conflicts tend to become emotionally fraught when someone chooses not to focus on the issue at hand but rather to question another person's competency, autonomy or integrity.

Kathy Gurchiek is an online writer/editor for SHRM who focuses on topics related to students and emerging professionals.

Explore Further

SHRM provides information and research to help business leaders manage conflict in the workplace and address its underlying causes.

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Discord among workers can be a huge distraction, leading to reduced productivity and lower morale. Here's how company leaders can help.

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High turnover, the shift to hybrid work, and continued uncertainty about the future mean that your entire workforce may be feeling unmoored. These upheavals mean that even long-time employees - who have spent years building their reputations within an organization - may now feel they're starting from scratch. That has enormous implications for performance, innovation, and well-being. By seizing this fall as a moment to re-onboard everyone, managers can boost team cohesion, performance, and well-being. The author presents five steps managers should take.

"I'm the most tenured person on my team," my friend Joyce, a senior marketing manager, told me. "But I feel like a new hire."

Accelerate your career with Harvard ManageMentor®. HBR Learning's online leadership training helps you hone your skills with courses like Leading People. Earn badges to share on LinkedIn and your resume. Access more than 40 courses trusted by Fortune 500 companies.

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High turnover, the shift to hybrid work, and continued uncertainty about the future mean that your entire workforce may be feeling unmoored. These upheavals mean that even long-time employees - who have spent years building their reputations within an organization - may now feel they're starting from scratch.

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HBR: The Secrets of High Performing Teams

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HBR: The Secrets of High Performing Teams

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Ted: How Language Shapes the Way We Think

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Ted: How Language Shapes the Way We Think

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There are about 7,000 languages spoken around the world -- and they all have different sounds, vocabularies and structures. But do they shape the way we think? Cognitive scientist Lera Boroditsky shares examples of language -- from an Aboriginal community in Australia that uses cardinal directions instead of left and right to the multiple words for blue in Russian -- that suggest the answer is a resounding yes. “The beauty of linguistic diversity is that it reveals to us just how ingenious and how flexible the human mind is,” Boroditsky says. “Human minds have invented not one cognitive universe, but 7,000.”

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FastCompany: Many Executive Lack the Most Important Leadership Trait. Here's How to Develop It Yourself

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FastCompany: Many Executive Lack the Most Important Leadership Trait. Here's How to Develop It Yourself

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Many executives lack the most important leadership trait. Here’s how to develop it yourself

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In this rapidly evolving landscape, know-it-alls will be left behind because humility is a prerequisite for knowing when to try something new.

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FastCompany: This Free Tool Helps you Make Step-by-Step Tutorials in Seconds

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FastCompany: This Free Tool Helps you Make Step-by-Step Tutorials in Seconds

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Scribe

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MasterClass Skill Builder Public Speaking 

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MasterClass Skill Builder Public Speaking 

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HBR Podcast: Creating Boundaries in Our Everyday Work

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HBR Podcast: Creating Boundaries in Our Everyday Work

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When you're struggling with mental health, the day-to-day routines of a work environment can be a lot - even for a famous author and academic, like Roxane Gay.

Gay speaks with host Morra Aarons-Mele about how recognizing and enforcing boundaries helps her navigate work and stress. Plus, later in the episode, we hear from Bob Pozen, a former financial executive and author of Remote, Inc.: How to Thrive at Work ... Wherever You Are, about productivity and mental health.
HBR Presents is a network of podcasts curated by HBR editors, bringing you the best business ideas from the leading minds in management. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Harvard Business Review or its affiliates.

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Creating Boundaries in Our Everyday Work (with Roxane Gay)

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A conversation with author Roxane Gay about work and mental health. Plus, Bob Pozen discusses productivity and mental health.

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Bite-sized learning platform. Free account option for individuals who love to learn & develop.

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Are you wondering how much the 5Mins learning platform costs for your business. You can find our pricing plans here.

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HBR: How to Set Boundaries with a Chatty Colleague

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HBR: How to Set Boundaries with a Chatty Colleague

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You might think you're being generous or patient by listening to a chatty coworker talk endlessly, but you're simply letting resentment fester that's toxic to your emotional well-being and productivity. The author offers advice for setting boundaries with a talkative colleague in a compassionate, diplomatic way that still allows you to get your work done: 1) Preempt their request, 2) drive towards a close, 3) perfect the art of interruption, 4) come from your perspective, 5) direct dialogue to a certain time, and 6) have a big picture conversation.

Charlotte arrived at our coaching session frazzled and distraught. "I can't stand it anymore," she huffed, throwing her hands up. Charlotte explained that she had had another meeting with her chatty counterpart on the data science team. While she generally enjoyed working with this colleague, Charlotte felt frustrated that their planning sessions regularly ran 20 to 30 minutes over the scheduled time, causing her to be late for her other appointments. Charlotte's colleague tended to ramble and blather on and on, talking in circles about their analytics, not allowing anyone else to get a word in edgewise.

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How to Set Boundaries with a Chatty Colleague

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You might think you're being generous or patient by listening to a chatty coworker talk endlessly, but you're simply letting resentment fester that's toxic to your emotional well-being and productivity.

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Esther Perel: The Routines, Rituals, Boundaries we Need in Stressful Times

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Esther Perel: The Routines, Rituals, Boundaries we Need in Stressful Times

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Get a daily email featuring the latest talk, plus a quick mix of trending content.

By subscribing, you understand and agree that we will store, process and manage your personal information according to our Privacy Policy

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Esther Perel: The routines, rituals and boundaries we need in stressful times

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How do you effectively regulate stress? Therapist Esther Perel discusses the importance of creating routines, rituals and boundaries to deal with pandemic-related loss and uncertainty -- both at home and at work -- and offers some practical tools and techniques to help you regain your sense of self.

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Great Leaders Are Thoughtful and Deliberate, Not Impulsive and Reactive

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HBR: Great Leaders Are Thoughtful & Deliberate, Not Impulsive or Reactive 

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HBR: Great Leaders Are Thoughtful & Deliberate, Not Impulsive or Reactive 

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All leaders have two selves. There's the self we prefer to present to the world - the one that is run by our pre-frontal cortex and is measured, rational, and capable of making deliberate choices. And then there's the self, run by the amygdala, that is reactive and impulsive and often causes us to fail to meet our commitments or overreact in frustration. The antidote to reacting from the second self is to develop the capacity to observe your two selves in real time. You can start by noticing and labeling your negative emotions such as impatience, frustration, and anger - to get distance from them. Also, watch out for times when you feel you're digging in your heels. The absolute conviction that you're right and the compulsion to take action are both strong indicators that you're operating from that second self. Finally, it's important to ask yourself two key questions in challenging moments: "What else could be true here?" and "What is my responsibility in this?" Questioning your conclusions offsets confirmation bias and looking for your responsibility helps you focus on what you can change - your behavior.

You set aside the first hour of your day to work on a strategy document that you've been putting off for a week. You haven't been disciplined about getting to it, but you've had one crisis after another to deal with in the past week. Now, finally, you've carved out 90 early morning minutes to work on it.

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Great Leaders Are Thoughtful and Deliberate, Not Impulsive and Reactive

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All leaders have two selves. There's the self we prefer to present to the world - the one that is run by our pre-frontal cortex and is measured, rational, and capable of making deliberate choices. And then there's the self, run by the amygdala, that is reactive and impulsive and often causes us to fail to meet our commitments or overreact in frustration.

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CultureSummit Workshop: Connecting Across Difference & Distance (Free)

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CultureSummit Workshop: Connecting Across Difference & Distance (Free)

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Personal and professional happiness are both fueled by meaningful connection with other people. In our increasingly isolated and polarized world, Make Believe Works is committed to designing new ways to connect people in a purposeful way. This joyful and engaging workshop cultivates a culture of empathy and community by building meaningful bridges between people in a fun, unexpected way. The heart of our workshop is "Super Secret," a playful yet powerful twist on the pen-pal relationship, designed to sidestep some of the subtle biases we all bring to our workplaces and communities, and build a new relationship founded on character rather than characteristics. The activity is anchored in psychological research and human-centered design and we will share some of the nuances that make all the difference between exchanging information and building connection.

Typically, when we interact with people, our brains are wired to take in the whole picture and make assumptions from it. Sometimes that's incredibly useful, sometimes it's incredibly...not.

This applies whether you already know each other or are meeting for the first time. Those mental shortcuts can very much inform the way we show up with new people, while over-familiarity can blind us to aspects of people we already know well. Super Secret is designed to short circuit those assumptions, stereotypes, and projections, and help us accelerate meaningful connections by building relationships from the inside out. This will be an experience both for our own mental health and experience as individuals as well as another tool in your toolkit that you can take back to your own workspaces.

Here are three key benefits you can expect from taking part in this workshop:

1. Refueled Emotional Skills: You'll learn how Make Believe Works frames the world more inclusively, allowing participants to develop deeper connections with people from diverse backgrounds.

2. Experience Safe Vulnerability: We'll provide you with guidelines on how to help others open up and get vulnerable without feeling threatened. This will enable you to build strong and supportive relationships that will have a lasting impact.

3. Professional Development: This workshop is perfect for HR professionals, managers, team leads, senior leaders, and DEI professionals. You'll experience how to build trust, collaboration, and psychological safety in your team, creating a more innovative and effective working environment.

Please Note: There Will Be Breakout Rooms
We're all used to multitasking while on webinars.

We do that ourselves all the time. It's usually fine.

But not for this one.

Super Secret isn't a passive workshop.

Because it's about connecting with other people, we ask that everyone be willing to actively participate the whole time. After all, if you want to connect, you've got to be present.

But don't worry - it will be easy. It will be fun. And it will be worthwhile.
Other important details for participants:

You'll need a computer with a camera, audio, and a keyboard (joining on your cell phone will be challenging)

You should feel comfortable typing in English (participants will be using the chat function for most of the session)

You'll need a pen and paper

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Webinar Super Secret Connecting Across Difference and Distance Thursday August 10 - 2:00pm - 3:00pm ET Personal and professional happiness are both fueled by meaningful connection with other people. In our increasingly isolated and polarized world, Make Believe Works is committed to designing new ways to connect people in a purposeful way.

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NYTimes: Learning to Take Responsibility When Things Go Wrong

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NYTimes: Learning to Take Responsibility When Things Go Wrong

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Forbes:  Leading for Success - How to Build & Run a High-Performing Team

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Forbes:  Leading for Success - How to Build & Run a High-Performing Team

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Betsy Dougert is VP of External Relations at SCORE, resource partner to SBA and mentors to America's small businesses. Connect with Betsy.
Everybody wants to be a good boss, manager or team leader-but it doesn't always work out that way. Effective leadership is challenging and incredibly nuanced, and transmitting that leadership into a high-performing team, even more so.

Recent survey data shows that hiring, retaining and motivating employees are among the top three reported business challenges. Disengaged employees aren't just bad for team morale-they're also bad for business, with leaders reporting less engaged employees negatively affect productivity, increase the workload for their colleagues and decrease business growth.
1. Foster a growth mindset.
Contrast that suboptimal scenario with a high-performing team, where everyone's talents are utilized to enable as much time in flow state as possible. They are given uninterrupted time to do what they are good at, to expend the bulk of their energy and effort in the " zone of genius." On those teams, the work not only benefits the company itself, but also results in a product or service that in some way adds value to the world at large.

Every manager strives to lead a high-performing team. And for those willing to reflect seriously on their managerial styles and consistently work to fine-tune them, there are several strategies that can yield a hyper-productive, efficient and positive group dynamic.
2. Build a team with diverse, complementary skills.
The number-one component of a high-performing team is a collective growth mindset, a concept developed by psychologist Carol Dweck. People with a growth mindset want to learn, grow and level up what they're doing every day. A growth mindset enables teams to bat around ideas, seek and give feedback and disagree with each other, all without taking any of it personally.
3. Lead with vulnerability.
You can teach technical skills. You can even teach soft skills or social skills. But you can't teach people who don't want to learn. That's why if you hire people who have only one thing in common, it should be a growth mindset-and fostering that mindset as a mainstay of work culture is critically important to creating a team that delivers novel ideas and strong products.

Hiring a diverse team is not just the right thing to do; it's actually good for business. Hiring people who communicate or think exactly like you doesn't move the needle. True diversity encompasses both personal backgrounds and thoughts. Teams made of colleagues with different experiences, capabilities and thinking-including neurodiverse people -produce groundbreaking ideas and products and bring fresh ways of thinking to the table.
4. Normalize check-ins.
The great researcher and professor Brené Brown has famously championed the importance of showing up with vulnerability and authenticity. Vulnerable leadership means being honest and transparent about your strengths and weaknesses, what you know and what you don't know, what's going well and isn't going well.

I periodically ask my team, "How am I accidentally getting in your way? What am I doing or asking you to do that's causing more work than I realize, with too little payoff?" As a manager and as a human being, it can sometimes feel hard to hear the answers to these questions. But discussing them openly fosters trust and respect, and improves our team's efficiency and productivity.
5. Appreciate your team the way they want to be appreciated.
Being part of a high-performing team involves caring about each other as people, not just colleagues. In this era of remote work, with many teams scattered across time zones and locations, it's easy to fall into the trap of staying heads-down in the work. Schedule regular check-ins with your team, both 1:1 and in group settings, to connect as human beings.

I start team meetings with two-word check-ins. Everyone describes how they're currently feeling and can choose to explain more or just leave it at those two words. This helps the entire team to understand where their colleagues are coming from and to adjust their own behavior and expectations accordingly. This also helps the team lead to identify trends and offer support.
6. Strategically plan for accountability.
Some people love public praise. It's music to their ears when you announce their accomplishments during a company-wide meeting. For others, this situation might feel unbearably embarrassing. Truly appreciating your team members requires taking the time to learn each team member's preferred method of appreciation. The famous "five love languages" have been adapted for appreciation in the workplace -these can provide a useful starting point for conversations.

Once you know how people want to be appreciated, you want to give a lot of positive feedback so they feel seen and valued. This provides a strong foundation of respect so that when you do have to give constructive criticism, it's better received.

My organization loves planning. We have a five-year strategic plan, which we work towards every year with our annual tactical plans. There's one annual tactical plan for the entire organization, another for each department and, finally, individual personal plans. These plans clearly define what everyone will be doing, as well as their timeline and KPIs (how success will be measured). Because the plans fit together, everyone can see how their work plugs into broader initiatives on the team and across the organization. They understand how their portion of the process contributes to achieving our most important goals.

It sounds like a lot of planning, but clarity and transparency prevent micromanaging and increase creativity. Accountability is built directly into the KPIs, so you can see what people are working towards and what progress they're making along the way.

Ultimately, high-performing teams and their leaders succeed on multiple fronts: Individual employees feel empowered and fulfilled; the company turns out a great product or service; and in the best cases, that product or service is truly transformative for users at large. These dream teams can shake up industries and change the world.

Forbes Communications Council is an invitation-only community for executives in successful public relations, media strategy, creative and advertising agencies. Do I qualify?

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Council Post: Leading For Success: How To Build And Run A High-Performing Team

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A high-performing team is every manager's dream. Fortunately, there are some proven strategies to help make your team happy and hyper-productive.

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TED Playlist: Talks for When You Want to Laugh & Think

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TED Playlist: Talks for When You Want to Laugh & Think

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Talks for when you want to laugh and think | TED Talks

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These hilarious talks won't just make you laugh out loud -- they'll make you think twice.

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TED Playlist: The Pursuit of Curiosity & Understanding

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TED Playlist: The Pursuit of Curiosity & Understanding

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Curious about the world? These fascinating talks will encourage you to seek and experience the endless delight and intrigue it offers. (Curated in partnership with the Qatar Foundation.)

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The pursuit of curiosity and understanding

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You have JavaScript disabled For the best experience, please turn JavaScript on. Here's how Curious about the world? These fascinating talks will encourage you to seek and experience the endless delight and intrigue it offers. (Curated in partnership with the Qatar Foundation.)

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HBR: What to Do When Your Ideas Aren't Landing

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HBR: What to Do When Your Ideas Aren't Landing

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Think small. Whether you're talking a manager, a peer, or a senior leader - these people have a lot on their plates. It will be easier for them to process what you're saying if it's clear, to the point, and focused on a single solution or concept.

Share in 10 minutes or less. It's safe to assume that your audience's bandwidth is limited. Cut down your presentation into one big headline and two or three supporting points.

Do more than point out the problem. It's important to deliver difficult news or alert your manager to a big concern - but don't just point out the issue. Suggest a solution as well.

Remember that it's not about you. Ask yourself: How can I package my thoughts in a way that will resonate with my audience? How do they like things presented? Good communication is about considering the other person.

You just started your first job at a new company and are eager to share all your brilliant ideas with the team. You go into your first meeting feeling energized, expecting your manager and peers to listen attentively to your suggestions - and then implement them, pronto. But to your dismay, nothing you share ends up landing. This continues to happen week after week.

When you ask your manager for feedback, they tell you something vague like: "We love all ideas - keeping them coming!" Still, you feel you could be doing more to communicate your thoughts in a meaningful way.

Ever been in this situation? You're not alone. The majority of the workers I coach face this issue at some point in their careers, and typically, the issue is not their ideas - it's their delivery. Here are four strategies that have consistently worked for my clients. Use them to present your ideas in a way that will resonate with any audience.

Think small.

One client I worked with had great ideas that she believed could solve some major issues at her company. She didn't get too much one-on-one time with her manager, so when she did, she ended up sharing all of her recommendations at once. A few minutes into their meetings, my client could see her manager's eyes glaze over. She knew her ideas weren't being heard.

It can be easy to get carried away and think you need to share all your ideas at once - especially if, like my client, you get little face time with the decision-makers at your organization. But presenting someone with too many thoughts or proposals at once can overwhelm them. Whether you're talking a manager, a peer, or a senior leader - these people have a lot on their plates. It will be easier for them to process what you're saying if it's clear, to the point, and focused on a single solution or concept. In other words: Have patience and think small.

My client and I discussed how her laundry-list of recommendations was not helpful to her boss, who likely lacked the headspace and time to walk through every problem-solving hypothesis she offered. Moving forward, she began to do that work herself - deciding on her strongest pitch and presenting that singular idea when the opportunity presented itself. As a result, she had more fruitful conversations with her boss and was able to successfully sell her ideas.

In your own situation, ask yourself: "What is one idea that I can sell to my team/boss/peer in our next meeting?" You may feel eager to elaborate or present several options-but selling your best idea and gaining that win is the first step. It will carry you forth until you're ready to share next idea ... and then the next.

Share in 10 minutes or less.

These days, everyone seems to be stressed and burnt out. Hybrid and remote workplaces that lend themselves to being "always on" can exacerbate these feelings. Consider this when you're selling your ideas. Assume that everyone's bandwidth is limited and aim to share your thoughts in 10 minutes or less.

Consider this example of what often doesn't work versus what does: One of my clients created a 50-page deck highlighting the budget needs of his department and shared it with the executive committee of his company. He created an extensive rationale for every dollar. After my client got through the first three pages, the committee told him he had the funding. However, my client continued to proceed through the entire 50 pages and wound up losing his audience. Even though my client secured the budget, he received feedback that his packaging and delivery were not well-received by the powerful group of stakeholders he had presented to - potentially damaging his reputation and future asks.

You can avoid this by honoring your audience's busy schedule. One method I recommend is breaking your idea down into a few elements:

Start with a headline that describes your pitch, solution, or idea (Example: $200K Budget Recommendation for FY24)

Support point one (Example: This budget will give our department the opportunity to expand our resources and offer clients more efficient solutions.)

Supporting point two: (Example: Our earning from last year can be allocated in X way to support this budget,)

This will help you present your idea clearly and concisely. Just make sure that your headline highlights what you're proposing and include hard evidence or data in your supporting points to help you make a persuasive case.

Do more than point out the problem.

I once had a client who was very adept at spotting problems before his team members and pointing them out. This type of thinking is needed in every organization, but constantly highlighting what isn't working or what won't work is ultimately exhausting and makes other people feel shut down. No one wants to hear all the pitfalls of their plans - over and over again.

To help my client with his idea-packaging, we decided that while his concerns were valid and should be shared, he also needed to shift the conversation toward solutions. From then on, after pointing out a problem, he followed it up with a simple question: "How can I help?"

In your own situation, it's similarly important to deliver difficult news or alert your manager to a big concern. Yet it's also important to ask yourself: How often am I doing this? Am I as perceived as someone who always looks for problems? If so, your ideas won't resonate. People may start to tune you out because they don't want to deal with the messy situations you bring up or they may start to believe you're not interested in solving the problems you bring up.

Instead, aim to ease the tension when discussing difficult issues. Be prepared to discuss possible solutions as well, and if none come to mind, show your good intent by saying something like: "I'm not sure what the solution is yet, but I know there is one. What does the group think?"

It's not about you.

Finally, remember that sharing the best idea is not a contest you need to win. It's not about you and your ego. It's about your audience, their communication preferences, and how you can meet them where they are at.

Ask yourself: How can I package my thoughts in a way that will resonate with my audience? How do they like things presented? For example, if your manager only wants to hear the headline but you're someone who likes details, refrain yourself. In your presentation, only focus on what's absolutely necessary to make your case. On the other hand, if your manager likes details but you dislike the nitty gritty, step up and include the specifics. Remember, good communication is about considering the other person.

To figure out the preferred communication style of your audience, just ask. If you're presenting to your manager or a senior colleague, ask your peers first. Particularly if you're new, they'll be more familiar with the leaders at your organization and how they like to communicate. If that leads to a dead end, ask you audience directly. You can say: "How do you typically like new ideas or data delivered to you?"

A third option is to experiment and see what lands. For instance, try using visuals to make a point in one presentation and bullet points in the next. Pay attention to what lands best with different groups. Be open, curious, and nonjudgmental. Then, evolve and shift your style based on the feedback you receive.

. . .

If you're frustrated because you can't sell your ideas, focus on packaging them more effectively. Unfortunately, no idea - no matter how good - can be greenlit without being presented in a way that works for the audience.

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What to Do When Your Ideas Aren't Landing

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What should you do when your ideas just aren't landing with your team? Here are four strategies you can use to present your ideas in a way that will resonate with any audience. Think small. Whether you're talking a manager, a peer, or a senior leader - these people have a lot on their plates.

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WSJ: Don't Be a Jerk at Work. (But Don't Be Too Nice, Either)

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WSJ: Don't Be a Jerk at Work. (But Don't Be Too Nice, Either)

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Rachel Feintzeig | Photo illustrations and video by Aaron DuRall for The Wall Street Journal 

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Don't Be a Jerk at Work. (But Don't Be Too Nice, Either.)

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How devolving into people-pleasing can hold back your career.

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INC: How Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Embrace the 10-Second Rule to Handle Difficult Conversations

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INC: How Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Embrace the 10-Second Rule to Handle Difficult Conversations

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MasterClass: Roz Brewer - Spark Innovation by Listening

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MasterClass: Roz Brewer - Spark Innovation by Listening

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Leadership & Workplace topics to discuss weekly. As of 8/10/23 we're on Week 31 of the list

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A company replaced all of its managers with coaches. Employees became 20% more productive–and much happier | Fortune

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Fortune: A Company Replaced All of Its Managers with Coaches. Employees Became 20% More Productive & Much Happier

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Fortune: A Company Replaced All of Its Managers with Coaches. Employees Became 20% More Productive & Much Happier

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A company replaced all of its managers with coaches. Employees became 20% more productive–and much happier | Fortune

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Our managers were all replaced with coaches, with a ratio of one coach per six employees.

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When Your Boss Gives You Bad Feedback, Badly

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HBR: When Your Boss Gives You Bad Feedback, Badly

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HBR: When Your Boss Gives You Bad Feedback, Badly

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When Your Boss Gives You Bad Feedback, Badly

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It’s difficult to manage your feelings when getting feedback that feels too harsh, overly nice, or somehow dishonest. We all struggle with feedback, so extend a little grace to yourself for having strong emotions, and to the other person for initiating a difficult conversation. The authors present t…

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TEDTalk: The Surprising Habits of Original Thinkers

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TEDTalk: The Surprising Habits of Original Thinkers

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The surprising habits of original thinkers

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How do creative people come up with great ideas? Organizational psychologist Adam Grant studies “originals”: thinkers who dream up new ideas and take action to put them into the world. In this talk, learn three unexpected habits of originals -- including embracing failure. “The greatest originals are the ones who fail the most, because they’re the ones who try the most,” Grant says. “You need a lot of bad ideas in order to get a few good ones.”

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TED: Why Great Leaders Take Humor Seriously

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TED: Why Great Leaders Take Humor Seriously

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Get a daily email featuring the latest talk, plus a quick mix of trending content.

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Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas: Why great leaders take humor seriously

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There's a mistaken belief in today's working world that leaders need to be serious all the time to be taken seriously. The research tells a different story.

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HBR: How Do I Set the Right Pace to Meet Our Strategic Goals

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HBR: How Do I Set the Right Pace to Meet Our Strategic Goals

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MURIEL WILKINS: I'm Muriel Wilkins, and this is Coaching Real Leaders, part of the HBR Podcast Network. I'm a longtime executive coach who works with highly successful leaders who've hit a bump in the road. My job is to help them get over that bump by clarifying their goals and figuring out a way to reach them so that hopefully they can lead with a little more ease. I typically work with clients over the course of several months, but on this show, we have a one-time coaching meeting focusing on a specific leadership challenge they're facing. Today's guest is someone will call Mo to protect her confidentiality. She's worked in the higher education sector for decades, and she continues to be driven by the work and the relationships she gets to build.

MO: To be able to see students, to get to know them, to get to see how they grow and change during these four years, and then to see them have success as they launch into the world, and then to see that they reach back so quickly to give back and to see the way that our community supports our students as they are navigating, exploring their values and their purpose and what they're feeling called to do. All of that is just really rewarding.

MURIEL WILKINS: For a long time, Mo was at the director level and managed a small team, but recently there was a shakeup.

MO: We had a new leader of our organization who brought in a new structure, and my role was a part of this structure of this new organization that had never been aligned in this way. So in the new role, there was an expansion of my duties. The team grew. It's the first time in my career that I have been a manager of managers as opposed to managing a small team.

MURIEL WILKINS: Mo has taken on more responsibility. She's energized by the challenge and has ambitious goals, but she reached out to make sure she was approaching these goals in the right way, and to think about ways she can succeed as a first time manager of managers. I wanted to get a baseline of where she was at. So I began by asking her how she felt about this new increase in responsibilities.

MO: It's been exciting. It's been great to still be in an institution where I still feel called to do this work, while also having the opportunity to grow and to learn. Love to learn. It's nice to have that expansion of learning. And there were all the areas that now report to me I had a little bit of insight into. I had been an advisor at one point, so that was not something that I had no idea about. Success coaching, completely new. So to have that report to a person who reports to me has been a new area to learn about. So I'm now learning about things that were just beyond what my original scope of work was.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay, so what brought you here? Why are we meeting? What's going on?

MO: We are meeting because there are some goals we have as a team that cannot be accomplished in a single year or a single semester. They're going to take years of effort and work. They're also going to take multiple collaborators. Our team cannot do it alone. So we're relying on so many partnerships and collaborations. And so that is a lot to keep track of and also, to know what is the right pace? What is the right amount to get done in one year toward a goal that I can set a timeframe on it and say, we want to have this done in three years, but some of it is outside of our control because of all these multiple collaborators. And so it's hard to know what is the right pace to do this work, what is the right timeline to even project and guess might be the right time to allow us to start to achieve some of these goals. And what is the right allotment of my time? So, this is the first time that I have been in this more strategic role as opposed to just doing and managing. And so I am just still trying to figure out what is the right allotment of my time? What is the right timeframe to put on these goals? And how do we know if we're measuring progress in the right way? These are the questions that I struggle with almost daily.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. All right. And what does that struggle look like?

MO: It looks like just a constant wonder of, am I getting this right? Am I spending my days in the right way? Should I be doing more? Should I be doing things differently? The inability to feel confident that the way that I am arranging my days and weeks and months is the correct and accurate way to get us where we are trying to go as an institution and as a team.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. So lots of unknowns for you around how to map out the future, not only for your team and the strategy and as you said, the pacing and the timing to be able to reach your goals, but also, for you personally, in terms of being the leader of this team, how you should be allocating your time. And as you put it, am I spending my time, the "right way". Okay. So how would you know it's the right way?

MO: Great question. That is what's so hard to know. Will I only know it in reverse? Will I only know it at the end of a year when I look back and say, "Oh, we accomplished X or Y?" Am I supposed to know it at the end of every month? Because we were able to set a goal and we achieved it that month. That's what I'm struggling with.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: Because the things that we're trying to do cannot be accomplished in a single year. It's so far out. It will take so long to know that we have moved the needle towards success. That it's hard to know working backwards, okay, was this a good week? Did we get things done the right way? There are some goals, right? I could say have one conversation a week with a potential collaborator or partner.

MURIEL WILKINS: To what end?

MO: But what if it took three conversations to actually-

MURIEL WILKINS: What if it took three?

MO: Right? What if it took five?

MURIEL WILKINS: Got you.

MO: I don't know.

MURIEL WILKINS: All right. I hear you. You're looking for the formula.

MO: I am.

MURIEL WILKINS: I don't know if there is a formula, Mo. Okay?

MO: Okay.

MURIEL WILKINS: I think you've got to create your own formula, and it's a hypothesis, right?

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, let me ask you this, right? Sounds like you've worked directly with students-

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: -as well. And you articulated that what you love about the work that you've done and the community that you're in, is that it's in support of these students being able to launch. Now, I presume when these students come in, they're four years out from that launch?

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: Call it one to four.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, for those that are four years out, how did you in the past, determine what was the right way to spend your time? So that the ultimate goal would be that they launched successfully in four years.

MO: So, if it was an individual conversation with an individual student, giving them some of the tools and resources and giving them some ideas of experiences that they should be having along the way, was the way to help them think about reverse engineering a successful launch following their degree.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, you gave them the information so that they could reverse engineer and say, "Oh, so what do I need to do along these four years to be able to get to this ultimate point?"

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. So what would it look like to reverse engineer the goals that you've set for your team?

MO: Yeah. I think painting a picture of what success... What we hope the outcomes are and the impacts are, and what our hopes are for just pick a time. Whether that's three years or four years or two years, and then follow my own advice and reverse engineer it. And so if we say, okay, if we want to have this specific number of courses that embed career readiness, just to pick a number and buy a specific date and then figure out, okay, if that's the number of courses, then how many potential collaborators would we need to speak with? Knowing that not everyone's going to say yes, not everybody's going to buy in. Then figuring out, okay, do we think that half the people will, or do we think that a third of the people will? And just like you're saying, a hypothesis, make that guess and start working toward that.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. I do think there's a bit of a reverse engineering. So I think there's two parts to it. There's the, how do you get your team tracked and pacing? And then there's the, how do you spend your time within that? So let's tackle the team piece. And it sounds like you already have goals that are established. The question is, when are those goals supposed to be met by?

MO: Right. Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. So while you can create a hypothesis, it needs to be informed, and then you want to test it. And so my question is, where did these goals come from? What's the context of these goals? Are they in support of bigger goals for your institution? What is the container that they're in that might give you a better sense of what the time range is?

MO: And we're in a bit of a transition period. So the leader who created this new division that I'm a part of, departed, and we've had an interim leader, an acting leader, and now, the new leader is going to arrive and begin work. So, there will be a little bit of a discernment period and a goal setting period and a strategic planning process that our work needs to support.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. All right.

MO: So that's why it's hard to say, okay, should we just say we want to accomplish some of these goals within two years, but what if our new leaders' strategic priorities are a little bit different and we need to step back and figure out a way to sort out those priorities? So we're in a little bit of a holding pattern.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. So what if that happens?

MO: Then we adjust. We adjust.

MURIEL WILKINS: Exactly.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: I think you're leading in a state of ambiguity. That's what's exacerbating this, right?

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: You're trying to make things known in a situation that is unknown. So in fact, your feeling of I'm not sure what the future is going to look like is on point because it is unsure what the future is going to look like because the future leadership isn't here yet. The strategic planning process hasn't happened. And so you're trying to make these decisions around goals for your team in a vacuum.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Right.

MO: Right. Exactly. And yet, I want to do a little bit of strategic planning ourselves in a very draft form so that when the new leader arrives, we have some things for that leader to react and respond to. The leader may say, "Nope, none of this." Or the leader may say, "This seems good." And so that we are not just waiting, but that we are ready to respond and to show, okay, this is the value based on the strategic ideas that you will bring. Here's the value that our team can bring in support of this new leader's vision.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. All right. So you've articulated two options and you've got to choose one.

MO: Right. Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: You're either in a holding pattern, which is, you know what? We're not doing any planning. We're not doing any goal setting, we're not doing any of that. We're just going to wait until new leader provides clarity. Or you decide that you're going to head towards some destination, right? Not quite sure which one yet, but you're going to figure it out, which means you're going to do your own interim planning process and start working towards those goals. What you can't do is be in a holding pattern and head towards your destination at the same time. It's physically impossible. So I think what I'm hearing around what you're struggling with is not necessarily the timing of marching towards the goals, but you need to take it to step one, do I even want to claim these goals and own these goals and make a plan against them and do the work? Or do I want to wait?

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: And so which one are you leaning towards?

MO: I'm leaning towards still planning because the leader who is coming, is known to me. This is a leader who actually hired me to move into the role that I was in prior to this new expanded role. And so I know a little bit about what matters to this new leader, and I think that the work that we are doing will be in alignment with his goals.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: So, I would love to have some things ready for response, even if we have to set us aside and say, "that's not it." No... no. Wrong goals.

MURIEL WILKINS: Wrong goals.

MO: Remake them, right? Recreate them. That would be okay.

MURIEL WILKINS: You're okay with that?

MO: Completely okay with that.

MURIEL WILKINS: Great. So that's where your confidence is going to come from.

MO: Okay.

MURIEL WILKINS: Your confidence is going to come from or is coming from, no matter what happens, I'm okay with it. If these are the goals that this new leader agrees to, yay. If these are not it, that's okay. We keep it moving.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: What it sounds like you're not okay with is just being in this holding pattern and not doing anything.

MO: Right. That's hard, right?

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah.

MO: Most of us want to-

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. I see your face all scrunched up.

MO: Right. Most of us want to feel like we are moving toward goals. So yeah.

MURIEL WILKINS: Most of us. Although this morning I was sitting there, I'm like, I don't want to move. I just want to be still. Can I just be still for a while? For a while. But I hear you. Mo started off this conversation by sharing how excited she still is by her job, how much it energizes her, and that she had some concerns about knowing some of the things she wants to accomplish, but not sure if she's pacing out goals correctly. As a first time manager of managers, she seemed a bit overwhelmed by the set of challenges she was facing, which she first articulated as her goals being dependent on other stakeholders. As we spoke though, we teased out a few related issues that we'll dive deeper into. First, we learned in terms of the specifics that it isn't just that she's leading a newer, bigger team, but also, that there have been shakeups in the leadership ranks above her, meaning setting a strategic vision is even trickier. That feeds into the problem she articulated around not knowing if she was pacing work and goal setting correctly. She's leading through some ambiguity here. And when that happens, I like to coach people through possible approaches or options to see how the different scenarios might play out, which got us to the question around whether she should take initiative to set a strategic plan, knowing it might change or wait until a new leader is in place and she's able to make that decision based on something she's confident in, that if she does move forward and the direction later changes, she'll be able to pivot. The first step is deciding on the destination, and then we can work through her planning process on how to get there and how to time it correctly. She can reverse engineer it. Let's dive back in as we start to think about that process and how much of her work depends on other stakeholders as I ask her, how big of an impact could her collaborators have on her timing?

MO: That's challenging. And I'm thinking a lot. They completely control the impact on timing because some of the collaborators that we most need to buy in have a lot of independence and control over their work. And so, it is completely, they hold all the impact of this timing because there could be people who say, "Absolutely not. I don't want to be a part of that." And so the search that continues for the people who might say yes, and then once the people say yes, it might be, okay, but that's not going to work for this upcoming semester, but I can see doing that a year from now. And so, the timing is completely out of our control.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. So it's out of your control. I didn't ask you though whether the timing was in your control or out of your control. I asked you, how can you gauge how much of an impact these collaborators can have on the timing? Meaning, how are you going to know how to time things given the collaborators?

MO: I think that's where I'm stuck.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, let's imagine you're the collaborator and somebody else is working on something and it's using resources or needs the resources that are under your control. How would you want them to relate towards you as they're planning something out, which clearly you have skin in the game?

MO: I think I would like them to relate to me by recognizing that maybe that it aligns with my goals too. So being in alignment on what we both hope to achieve, but then also, just having enough notice to be able to start working on it and to do it well.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. You used the word getting buy-in from your collaborators, which is part of what you're saying in terms of aligning and goals, and then how is it executed? So how much gaining buy-in is going to be part of your process in planning towards your team's goals? Or how much have you already done? I'm not sure.

MO: Yeah. So some relationships have already been built that I think will lead to buy-in. Just last week, a member of the team and I started talking about where do we think our strongest allies are and who might be in a quick yes so that we could start working together. So some of that is already done. I think it's just a matter of sharing this vision with some key allies and potential partners to see if we can get a yes from them. And then once we get a yes, what is the timing that works for them? I think that's where I have been stuck is, all of this takes typically one-on-one conversation, and it may not take just one conversation. There may be follow-up conversations. And so that is what has been a challenge, is to not know if I have four conversations in a week, is that enough? If I have four conversations in a month, will that be enough? So I guess the best way to figure it out is just to start. So maybe you set a goal, which would be maybe set a goal to have two conversations a week and see what is the yield? Does that yield one person who says, "Yes, let's keep talking." Or does that yield one, "Yes, let's do this." Or does it, for the people who I talk with that week, where they're zero takers on potential collaboration and that could therefore inform the hypothesis of how many conversations it might take.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. Look, I think you're looking for this magic number and you don't have a track record yet, which is really where the source of discomfort is. You don't have something to say, this is what you right should do and it will guarantee that you get to these results.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: There's never a guarantee. All you can guarantee is the effort that you're putting in, and you want to make sure that that effort is aligned with the overarching goals that you've set for yourself or for your team. What's interesting to me is that you're focusing on the number of conversations, the quantity of the conversations, rather than the quality of the conversations. And I would say that alignment, gaining alignment is a function of both.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Quality and quantity, with probably a higher index on quality, because that's where the meat is. That's where you can align on objectives. You can find out what's going on with them, what are they willing to do, et cetera. So when I say that, the focus on quantity versus quality, how does that land with you? What does that make you think of?

MO: I completely agree. And yet, when I look at my schedule in the week and trying to figure out where do I put these conversations, how many do I even try to squeeze in, given the way that my schedule currently exists? I think the reason I'm looking for the magic number is I'm trying to figure out, okay, am I trying to find space for one conversation per week, or am I trying to find space for a larger number than one per week? And so even though the quality matters once I'm there, just even finding-

MURIEL WILKINS: The space.

MO: Building in the space for the quantity that need to be there is the unknown. It's just unknown. How many should I be trying to find space and time to make?

MURIEL WILKINS: And in the order of priorities, I'm assuming you have priorities. In the order of priorities, where do these conversations or this gaining alignment with the collaborators doing the strategy work, where is it from a priority standpoint?

MO: It's a really high priority for me. Because what we are trying to do is create a campus-wide culture, meaning that students don't necessarily have to come to a member of our team to gain the preparation and the readiness that they need to launch. But it's just infused. It's everywhere. And so in looking at trying to create this campus-wide culture, which is just so hard to get your hands around, right?

MURIEL WILKINS: Yes.

MO: It's hard to know when is enough. Is it if every academic department has this as a part of their major declaration process? Is that too late? And so does it therefore need to be during a first or second year experience that every student has?

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. So I can't tell you that because I'm not in the institution, right?

MO: Yes. Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: And nobody else is going to be able to tell you that because you're leading this. And that's part of leadership. Part of leading it is being able to put a stake in the ground to say, "This is how we're defining success, and this is the evidence we would be looking for that would help indicate that we've achieved the culture that we want to achieve." But it starts with, well, what is that culture? And then what evidence? What would we need to see to believe that this culture is now in place? And I'm saying you need to put a stake in the ground as the leader, but because it's an institutional or organizational-wide culture that you're trying to implement, you can't come up with what that looks like in isolation, which is where the process of getting alignment and getting folks to provide input and weigh in on what they think the culture should be on, what they would see as evidence as to what they define as success is going to be important for you.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, I'm hearing a couple of things. One is, this is one of your high priorities in terms of defining the culture and then defining the plan that's going to get you there and aligning with the collaborators that are going to get you there. And the other thing I'm hearing is, but it's unclear what we're aiming for. So I think you need to start with getting clarity on what you're aiming for. There's no way you can answer, how much time should I be spending in my calendar, if there's not some clarity around what the destination is. If we go back to this airplane, you've decided you're not staying in a holding pattern, you're going to move towards a destination. Well, you've got to figure out like, well, what's the destination that I'm going to? And then you need to check, how much gas do I have? Do we have enough? Are they able to let us land there? And so that's the equivalent, right? You have to articulate destination. Then you need to go check with the collaborators and say, "Is this doable? Are you aligned with this? Does this fit with your vision?" So there's a strategic level muscle that needs to start from an umbrella standpoint to see the whole process and own it and drive it before you can get down to the nitty-gritty of, how are we timing this thing? Right?

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: And then in terms of your question of, well, then how do I spend my time? Look, I think if you truly feel like this is one of your priorities, one of your top two or top three priorities, then I think you need to use a bit of a different approach than what you have used. The approach you told me you've been using is you look at your calendar and you look at where can you squeeze in this strategic planning and these strategic conversations. I think if the strategic planning and the strategic conversations are your priority, it should be the reverse. That should be in your calendar, and then you're looking to squeeze in the other stuff.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, if you did that, what would that look like? How much space would you be giving it? And what would it look like in your calendar?

MO: I think I would have something that's helping move toward this priority four out of five days of the week.

MURIEL WILKINS: You've got your answer.

MO: Yeah.

MURIEL WILKINS: And what makes you land on that? Four to five days a week?

MO: Just because I think the recognition that it's going to take. This will not be achieved without investing significant time, and it is going to take multiple conversations. And those take time. And it probably won't take a single conversation with any one person. It might take multiple conversations because something that you said about, I've got to paint the picture of where we're going and what I'm hoping to achieve, but then there's just got to be a lot of listening and a lot of hearing from others, where, what are the challenges that they're trying to solve for? What are their pain points? And then what are ways that this strategic vision and direction could actually help address some of the things that they are concerned about and that they're trying to do?

But that's just going to be a lot of listening, and it can't be me going in and just talking. It's got to be having some conversation points, some prompts, and some questions that guide the conversation so that I'm hearing information that people need to share with me. But that's just going to take time. And so, I think that's the answer. Is to block this time to try to be available, to try to initiate these conversations just so that I can hear what others are thinking and hoping, and see how we could then get in alignment to still achieve this strategic goal.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. And I think using this word initiate is important. It's not just making yourself available.

MO: Right. No, no.

MURIEL WILKINS: It's initiating it. It's driving it. It's matching up your schedule and your time to your priorities, and only you can decide what those priorities are. Particularly because you're in a state right now of not getting direction. Nobody's telling you what your priorities should be. Nobody's telling you where to spend your time. Ironically, it's like the students you deal with when they get to college, nobody's telling them anymore.

MO: Right. Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Right? So think about it that way. Okay?

MO: Right. Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: It's freshman year. And so if you think about it from that standpoint, literally, all jokes aside, it's freshman year. What advice would you give the freshman in this sense of ambiguity that can also be a sense of freedom and what can you apply to yourself?

MO: Yeah. I think the question that you ask much earlier in the conversation just made me realize, I teach people how to do this every day, and yet...

MURIEL WILKINS: And yet.

MO: And yet.

MURIEL WILKINS: Right? If we would only listen to our inner teacher.

MO: And yet... Oh, it's a challenge that I've been struggling with.

MURIEL WILKINS: But I asked you at some point, what's the struggle? And so now, looking back on the conversation we had, what would you define the struggle as being?

MO: I think there are two struggles. I think one is, I have had this strategic vision for many years, and yet, we are in this waiting period. And so I think part of the struggle is press forward or wait? And both choices are possible. So I think that's one struggle. I think the second struggle is, just time is finite. And unfortunately, I wish it weren't so, but it is. And so there just are a lot of demands on my time, and some of them are things I have to say yes to. And then others are things that I choose to say yes to because they're things that also matter to me, even though they're maybe not my top strategic priorities. And so I think the struggle has been how to figure out how to fit it all in, in any given week because it all seems important.

MURIEL WILKINS: Because it all seems important. Right? These are choices, and choices are trade-offs.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Because how can I fit it all in when I don't have all the time in the world? You don't. As you said, time is finite, right? It's bounded. Well, not really, but in our physical realm, it's bounded.

MO: Right. Right. It is.

MURIEL WILKINS: Right?

MO: It is.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, what you're struggling with is making a choice, but why is making a choice hard for you?

MO: I think because there is so much that we could be doing. There is so much that we already do, and I don't want to stop doing those things, but yet, I have the appetite for us to do more. And a member of my team who I work with, I learned a phrase from her that I'm a time optimist. She's a time realist. And so being a time realist versus a time optimist, I'm a time optimist. And so I think that there should be more time to do more and there should be more opportunity to do more as we try to serve our students in the best possible way. And a time realist would say, "You got to make a choice. We can't do all these things because there isn't enough time." So the time optimist that I am doesn't like that answer and doesn't want to hear that answer, wants to continue to just push ahead and to try to keep adding more and more, which is unrealistic.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. But you know, there is such a thing that is known as a realistic optimist.

MO: Okay.

MURIEL WILKINS: I think this is going to be what we're going to aim for. Realistic optimism. And the optimism part, it is having a vision that you're pushing forward towards. You see what's possible. That's the optimism part.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: The realistic part is what can be done within the context? The framing of where we are towards that vision? And I think you're seeing them as mutually exclusive. If I can't be doing everything right now as it relates to that vision, then I'm not marching towards that vision. That's not true. There's a difference between what can I do within the timeframe that I have or the time limitations that I have, which is for you on a weekly basis, 24 times seven, but hopefully you're not using up all that time. What can I do? There's a difference between that question and the question, what can be done during that time? And so what's the difference to you when I say that?

MO: The difference is, finding other people who want to help do the work. It's spreading it out. To me, that's the difference.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. Because this is where you have to ask yourself, particularly for you as a leader who's now, what we call scaling up, you went from managing a team to now managing multiple teams. You went to becoming a manager of managers. What is more important to you? That you're doing the work or that the work is getting done?

MO: Oh, it's very much important to me that the work is getting done.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: Yeah.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, this is where the realistic part is, what can I do within my time parameters? How do I prioritize? How do I make choices? Of which one of the parts that you're responsible for is making sure that the other work that you aren't responsible for personally is getting done. So I think I want you to hold this being a realist and an optimist because the reality part is in the present and the optimist part is in the future. And so it's your capability, your capacity to hold both. Your calendar is what holds you to the reality, present.

MO: Right, exactly.

MURIEL WILKINS: The vision is what holds you to the future of the optimist part. They're not mutually exclusive. In talking through how she might tactically move forward to her goals, we've worked through a few important points here with Mo. It was interesting that she zeroed in on the number of calls, on the specifics of how to divide her time as she works towards her goals, which is an important concrete thing to do. To set goals around what she can achieve, what she has control over, what she can measure the results of. But in some ways, she was focusing on the trees and we lost a bit of the forest. I love that we reached this point of being a realistic optimist and how to hold both of those things at once because that allows her to think realistically about her time, how she spends her weeks, and how much time she needs to reach the goals she has for the team, but also allows her to hold onto the excitement and hope she has around those goals and realize that there are things within her control, she just has to make some decisions. I wanted to dive back in because I was picking up on something for Mo, that she's having a bit of a hard time prioritizing because she has this feeling that time is limited, but that her goals will also take years to accomplish. I asked her about how that tension made her feel.

MO: I feel okay about it. There is part of me who wishes that we were already there. Many of the... There are lots of things that I already wish we had accomplished, but I know that it takes time and I know that it's okay to invest the time. That's okay. That's a good use of time, is to try to work toward accomplishing these strategic directions. But I am just a little impatient, and I wish in many cases, that we were already there. But I just have to keep reminding myself of the work that we have accomplished.

It's been good to go back and reflect and look through prior strategic plans and realize, okay, these are things that we got done. These are new initiatives that we started, and we are doing them and they are working and they're good. What's hard is to look at all of the tactics that we had hoped to implement by this time and that we just haven't even begun yet. And so that is a call to realism just of, was that too optimistic to try to think that all of those things could have been accomplished in a three or four year time period? I think it's good to have aimed for it, but it just shows that there's still so much to be done.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. So, I'm sensing that you are looking back and saying, "We've been down this road before and we didn't accomplish it, but man, not on my watch."

MO: I know.

MURIEL WILKINS: If I'm flying this plane, we are getting to this destination.

MO: We are trying to get there. Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: We are trying to get there.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: And there's no magic ball as to whether you're going to get there or not. Obviously, you wouldn't be heading in that direction if you didn't think you could, but that's what you have to try to figure out is, what is within our capabilities.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: Exactly.

MURIEL WILKINS: And because it's multi-year, and because it's culture, look, the culture, this is the thing with culture change. People are like, "Oh, I want to change the culture and it needs to happen in a year." I'm like, "Well, the current culture you're in didn't get created in one year. So why the expectation that it's going to change to something else overnight?" Creating a new culture is changing organizational habits. And when we think about how much time it takes just for habits at an individual level to change, think about what it takes collectively. And so with that in mind, I'm just curious around what your expectations are. Do you have a sense of what you can expect to even happen within the next year and then the next two years and the next three years? Have you mapped it out in that way?

MO: We're in a process of doing that right now. There was a larger strategic planning process that then needed to be put on hold just with the change in top leadership. With a new leader starting just in a few months, that strategic planning process will begin again, and then at that point, we'll know which of the things that matter to us and that we have thought were important will be adopted and which of the things will not be adopted. So I think it's hard to know where will we be in 12 months, 24 months until we know what the strategic priorities of the institution are and where ours help push forward those strategic priorities.

MURIEL WILKINS: So again, you're back to, you got to figure out what you can figure out within that context that you're in, and you've already decided you're going to do that. Why the impatience? How does that help you in any way?

MO: Yeah, I guess it doesn't.

MURIEL WILKINS: I'm not making judgment. I'm curiously and you're like, "I guess." You either...

MO: Yeah.

MURIEL WILKINS: Don't guess.

MO: Yeah.

MURIEL WILKINS: Is it helping you? Is it not helping you? Why be impatience?

MO: I think the impatience is at the point that I am in my career, I view this as the final chapter. So within 10 years max, I will decide to retire. It could be eight years, and eight years is going to fly by. And so knowing that there is, just as the weeks have finite bounds on them, the years now I'm starting, it's not this infinite stretch of my career, but I'm starting to see that there is a pretty finite length of time that will move pretty rapidly just because the years do. The years move pretty rapidly. And I would like this to be a legacy of my career.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay.

MO: The strategic vision.

MURIEL WILKINS: Now we're seeing.

MO: That's why the impatience, that's why the impatience.

MURIEL WILKINS: That's the impatience. Okay. So there's a level of urgency for you because you're seeing your timeline with this organization as finite.

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: And you want to make sure that the work gets done within the next couple of years that you're going to be there?

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: Because this is your, as you see it, final hurrah. Right? But is it?

MO: In this role? I think it is. Yes. I think is.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, there's definitely a completion or an ending in terms of time that you're there. There's a difference between time being finite and then what happens with impact. Impact is not finite or it doesn't have to be. So I think the formula that you're actually solving for, I'm going to go back on what I said earlier. I actually think now that you've shared this, the formula you're solving for is, what should I be spending my energy on in the next couple of years to ensure that it has impact beyond those years?

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, when we frame it that way, how does that inform where you should be spending your time? Does it inform it any differently?

MO: I don't feel like it does. I feel like it still calls me to focus on my top priorities of which this strategic vision of this culture is the top, because of the impact that it can have. Because if we get it right, then every student going forward is impacted. Every student. 100% of them.

MURIEL WILKINS: Yeah. So perhaps where you need to feel rest assured, have some confidence, is that if you put in the effort now, there will be a residual beyond the years, right? It's no different than, again, I keep coming back to this because you're in the field of educating young people, and you've dealt with alums, alumni. It's no different than you put in those four years while they're there. Is that really the end all? When do you start seeing the results?

MO: Right? The results, you can see the results during the four years. You can see the results within the first years. You can see the results in some cases, because I've worked with them for a long time, like a decade and two decades later, you still see the results.

MURIEL WILKINS: Exactly. And so the confidence has to come in, can you trust that what you're doing now is going to have the long-term results, the long-term impact that's aligned with the vision that you have for the culture? And you may not see it.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: I hope you do.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: But rather than thinking, I need to do everything that's possible, the exhaustive list of what's possible to see this culture come to life within the timeframe that I've put on this because it's tied to my retirement age, right?

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Not arbitrary.

MO: Right. It's tied to my life.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay. If we put a bit of a different lens on it, which is, what can I do? Where can I put my efforts and my team efforts in the time that we do have, so that it sets the foundation, maybe even the next step. It sets the scaffolding, maybe even more than that for the culture that we hope to have. And as you said, it sounds like that doesn't really change what you came to around hey, I need to be prioritizing these strategic conversations. I need to be prioritizing the aligning and start off probably a little slower so that I build a strong foundation. And for you, we started off this conversation where you asked, is what I'm doing enough? And so when we frame it that way, in terms of the doing, being in service of the longer term impact of the culture, what does enough look like for you?

MO: Yeah. I think enough looks like defining success maybe in smaller chunks so that it's easier to know, yes, this was enough. We were able to define what success would look like in year one, and either, we achieved it or we came close. I think in a way, by making the timeframe smaller, instead of realizing that the timeframe is eight to 10 years, figuring out what would success look like in 12 to 24 months? What could we call that? If we could consider it a win, if we were able to do X within 12 to 24 months? I think that that would be more helpful than trying to have this very large goal that has a very long timeframe because it's hard to know within a shorter timeframe, was it enough? Did we get anything done if you're constantly looking out so far ahead.

MURIEL WILKINS: Right. And just because you have the shorter timeframe of what success looks like in the next year, two year, three years, week, doesn't mean that you're letting go of the longer term vision and the longer term goal. It's actually the contrary. Those shorter term milestones are what keeps you moving towards that goal. And maybe instead of asking yourself, am I doing enough? The question could be, am I doing what's aligned with the longer vision? Because are we ever doing, who knows? Enough is such a relative term.

MO: I know.

MURIEL WILKINS: The question is, are you doing and is it aligned? That's it. Is what we're doing aligned with that longer term vision?

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: Okay?

MO: Yes.

MURIEL WILKINS: I can't remember the name of the book now, but it's by one of my favorite writers, Ta-Nehisi Coates. In the book, he talks about the march towards justice and anti-racism and how we need to really think about what we're doing in that area as this multi-generational effort rather than thinking what we're going to do is going to make us see that vision come to life in our lifetime. It might. It would be great if it did. Of course nobody's going to say, "No, no, no, no, no, we don't want to end racism in my lifetime. Let it wait." Right? Nobody wants to say that.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: And so, there's the optimism that it will end, that there's a hope that it ends, and then there's a realism that it might not end in my lifetime, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop the work. So I think in any change effort, that's the case. What you're doing with these kids in school, you're planting the seed in them, you're creating a foundation so that they can go out in the world, but you might not see as you said, the impact till 20 years down the line. You might never see it, but you have to trust that it's going to be there, that you've done what you needed to do in alignment with them being able to be successful in the world as alums.

MO: Yes. That's right.

MURIEL WILKINS: So, let me ask you a question. How much are you struggling now versus how you were struggling when we first started our conversation?

MO: So, it's been really helpful to realize that I need to define success, but then I need to define it in shorter timeframes as opposed to having this very long, far off goal. So I think, that's going to help me, that's going to help a lot, and it's going to help me struggle less, and it's going to help me realize that enough is a really weird word to try to define as far as a week goes. And so I think that I hope to struggle less. I think there's a lot to think about, and I don't do this work alone. They're great partners in the immediate team. And so this is just really helpful as we anticipate bigger strategic conversations as an institution and as we try to figure out how our work supports those strategic initiatives. Defining success in shorter term groups, that's just going to be really, really helpful because it will help me feel like... It'll help me measure what enough is, right? Because if you can figure out what does success look like in the coming academic year, then you can reverse engineer and figure out okay, by May or June of next year, if we want to be at a specific place, then okay, what do we need to do to get to that specific place?

MURIEL WILKINS: Exactly.

MO: And so, trying to make smaller goals and name what those milestones are is just going to be so helpful. So helpful. Because the phrase boiling the ocean comes up. Like that is... Of course, I want to boil the ocean. Wouldn't that be great? No. So I struggle with the wanting to do it all. And so just remembering that you can't and figuring out okay, what could be done in 12 months and within 24 months? And then measure the path, measure success in those smaller timeframes.

MURIEL WILKINS: In those smaller timeframes with the confidence that it will have a residual impact over and beyond the finite time limit that you've set.

MO: Right.

MURIEL WILKINS: Very nice.

MO: Thank you.

MURIEL WILKINS: Thank you. Hopefully, that was helpful.

MO: It was so helpful. I've got [inaudible 00:55:34]. So it was very helpful. Thank you so much.

MURIEL WILKINS: Sometimes, it takes a while during a coaching session to really understand my client's underlying motivation, and we cracked this code further into the conversation as we started talking more about the years left in her career and the legacy Mo wanted to leave. She came into the conversation focused on how to be a manager of managers and how to set strategic priorities, but like with so many leaders, there was also something else at play for Mo - the desire to leave a lasting legacy.

Having a better understanding of this, why she felt the need to move quickly and why she felt frustrated when it felt like things were moving too slowly was the key to her breakthrough. Once Mo came to this realization, it helped her reframe her goals and the milestones she wanted to hit. In some ways, this reframing might help Mo reset her parameters to shift from the idea that she's doing enough and moving fast enough to ensuring that what she's doing is aligned with her longer term vision. This shift will help her better reach her goal of doing what needs to be done and making a lasting impact at her organization. That's it for this episode of Coaching Real Leaders. Next time...

NEXT EPISODE'S GUEST: I felt unsuccessful, both in asking for and receiving the support that I needed, but also building trust with the new leadership that I had. Slowly, my team began to be reduced.

MURIEL WILKINS: Want more of this episode? Join the Coaching Real Leaders community, where I host live discussions to unpack the coaching sessions you hear on this show, become a member at coachingrealleaderscommunity.com. You can also find more from me on LinkedIn at Muriel Wilkins. Thanks to my producer, Mary Dooe; sound editor, Nick Crnko; music composer, Brian Campbell; my assistant Emily Sofa, and the entire team at HBR. Much gratitude to the leaders who join me in these coaching conversations. And to you, our listeners who share in their journeys. If you are dealing with a leadership challenge, I'd love to hear from you and possibly have you on the show apply @coachingrealleaders.com. And of course, if you love the show and learn from it, pay it forward, share it with your friends, subscribe and leave a review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the HBR Podcast Network, I'm Muriel Wilkins, and until next time, be well.

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How Do I Set the Right Pace To Meet Our Strategic Goals?

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A leader must learn how to set long-term goals and timelines for her team.

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TedTalk: The Science of Productive Conflict

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TedTalk: The Science of Productive Conflict

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WorkLife with Adam Grant: The Science of Productive Conflict | TED Talk

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Whether it’s over a project, politics, or pizza toppings, conflict with colleagues is inevitable. The goal is not to eliminate it; it’s to handle it better. There’s a whole science of managing individual and team conflicts, and it suggests that we don’t have to agree to disagree. We need to start by…

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The Secrets of Successful Female Networkers

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HBR: The Secrets of Successful Networkers

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HBR: The Secrets of Successful Networkers

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One oft-cited reason why more female executives don't advance to top management jobs is their lack of access to informal organizational and industry networks. Some people blame unconscious bias: High-ranking men connect more easily with other men. Others cite professional and personal obligations, from office housekeeping to child-rearing, that disproportionately fall to women, leaving them less time to develop professional relationships.

But some female leaders do establish strong networks-and they win greater influence and more-senior positions as a result. What are they doing differently?

A new study sheds light on their strategies. "I was talking with many women about how to improve their networks, the challenges they face, and what they and their organizations could do better, and I realized that all the studies on the issue were pretty old and narrow," explains Inga Carboni, a professor at William & Mary's Mason School of Business and the study's lead author. "I couldn't answer their questions."

The researchers analyzed data collected from 16,500 men and women in more than 30 organizations across a range of industries over the past 15 years. Then they interviewed hundreds of female executives. This led them to identify four characteristics that distinguish the networking behaviors of more-successful women from those of their peers. In some cases those matched the behaviors of high-performing men; in others there were subtle but important differences.

When shaping their professional networks, top women were:

Efficient.

Studies, including the new one, show that women generally absorb more collaborative demands in the workplace than their male peers do. But the female managers with the strongest networks "recognize that every 'yes' means a 'no' to something else," says Babson College's Rob Cross, one of Carboni's coauthors. He notes that one Silicon Valley executive he knows has adopted that idea as her mantra. Although these successful female networkers might feel an identity-driven desire and a stereotype-influenced pressure to help colleagues out and be a team player, they try to resist. They prune nonessential appointments from their calendars, deflect low-priority decisions and requests, run streamlined meetings, insist on efficient email norms, and set aside time for reflection and high-level thinking. At the same time, they make the most of their collaborative strengths and inclinations by working with others in a way that establishes or enhances key relationships and ups their visibility.

"At every level in organizations, women are more likely to be sought out for advice," Carboni says. "And when asked about the downsides of saying no, every woman I interviewed said they'd feel bad." But she emphasizes that the research is clear: The female executives who rise to the top are "more strategic and thoughtful" about how they spend their time. Organizations can do their part by tracking unseen collaborative work, ensuring that it's evenly spread among male and female employees, and pushing all leaders, but especially women, to unabashedly prioritize their most important tasks.

Nimble.

The researchers' data shows that most women's relationships, particularly those with female peers, are stickier than men's, growing stronger, more mutual, and more interwoven over time. Carboni and Cross note that this can occasionally be a positive-for example, an old contact might offer a new opportunity or employment prospect. But if you work in a dynamic organization that requires rapid adjustments to changing demands (and who doesn't nowadays?), always relying on the same people can hurt your performance.

Successful female networks are more fluid. High-ranking women know when to deemphasize old connections in favor of new ones (whether by proactively cutting ties or by simply failing to maintain contact). For example, says Cross, "when you're at an inflection point at work or are embarking on a new project, you want to think about your goals and who will help you reach them-whether those goals are political (gaining early access to opinion leaders), developmental (supplementing skills gaps), innovation-oriented (searching for new insights), or related to best practices (finding people who know efficiencies)." He acknowledges that some women find this inauthentic, even Machiavellian, but notes that men interpret the same behavior as putting the work first. He says it's OK to have a "tenure bell curve" in professional relationships. Women should, of course, maintain some long-known advisers. But they should consistently initiate new connections, and organizations can help them by instituting processes such as network reviews at the start of new assignments or during performance evaluations.

Boundary-spanning.

The highest-ranking, best-networked women connect with people in a wide variety of functions, geographies, and business units. Again, less successful female networkers tend to shy away from the tactic because it feels uncomfortable or overly promotional. "We heard from women that they liked their own communities," Carboni says, whereas spanning boundaries made them wary of "backlash" and "stressed out." But that behavior is critical to accessing new information, leading innovation, and pursuing advancement, for both women and men. Cross suggests periodically considering the leaders in your organization and asking yourself, "Who isn't in my network but should be?" He advises approaching them "not with 'Here's what I need' but with 'Could we grab a coffee and explore ways of working together?'" Companies including Ford and Booz Allen Hamilton have tried to institutionalize the practice by setting up cross-functional groups of female high potentials who meet regularly with C-suite executives.

Julie Lodge-Jarrett has worked at Ford Motor Company for 21 years, holding positions around the world. Currently the chief talent officer, she leads an initiative to encourage colleagues to develop better networks among the company's 73,000 salaried employees. She spoke with HBR about the special challenges female professionals face when trying to make connections. Edited excerpts follow.

CJ Benninger

As a female executive, how have you approached networking? During my career, I've often been the only woman in the room. In developing a network, I always made sure it was authentic and purposeful. I didn't reach out to people because I thought they were important and I wanted them to know me. I tried to figure out whom I needed to know and why and set up meetings to pick their brains. When you approach it as a learner, people want to share their insights and experiences. Later, when I had more questions, I would ask those I'd forged a relationship with to connect me with others. In a company this vast, it may seem hard to create a broad network. But it's degrees of separation; you're closer to everyone than you think.

Are there aspects with which you've struggled? I'm not good at saying no to collaborative requests. I always want to help. But one principle I've implemented for myself and across the organization is saying no so that you can say yes to something more important: constant prioritization. Also, in the past when I made a connection, it was hard for me to let it go. But my mom always told me, "You can have a relationship for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I'm starting to take that to heart.

What are you really good at? Boundary spanning. A lot of that was just wanting to spend time with people who'd had different experiences, being curious, and feeling OK asking dumb questions. And I think I bring good energy to relationships. Most people who interact with me would probably describe me as positive or optimistic or can-do.

What research have you done on how your female peers at Ford have built networks? We did some work studying women who rose to leadership positions but chose to opt out. One reason was that they weren't enjoying their work experience because they felt isolated and disconnected. The women leaders who stayed and continued to be successful had developed their networks early on and usually had a mentor or champion who helped them build those networks in an authentic way.

What have you done to help women at Ford become better networkers? We're trying group inclusion training, with men and women sharing their professional and personal experiences; we've found that to be much more effective than online bias-prevention training. We've begun to connect all our professional women's groups across skill teams and geographies; now the Women in Finance chapter can interact with the Women in India group, and so on. We're looking at a program that will help our high-potential women by training them in the action steps that drive successful network development. And we're increasing the dialogue between women and our senior leaders, the vast majority of whom are men. We have a "Mustang council" of key women who meet regularly to talk with Jim Hackett, our CEO. We want all our employees to expand their networks, not only internally but also beyond Ford, in the service of the company. We call it Raise Your Gaze.

Energy-balanced.

More than two decades' worth of research shows, perhaps not surprisingly, that the highest performers are seen as the most energizing people in their networks-as the type of colleague who makes the work more engaging, which then drives better performance. But men and women are expected to bring different energy to relationships, and this is where effective female networkers set themselves apart from less successful women: They demonstrate both competence and warmth, both intelligence and emotional intelligence, as studies-the researchers' and others-suggest they must to build trust. "The most successful women don't downplay their knowledge, skills, and accomplishments; they show evidence that they can do things," Cross says. "But they also use humor, presence, and small gestures to signal caring and positivity, and they employ listening skills to spur creative thinking among their colleagues."

The researchers say they hope more women will adapt their networking behaviors in keeping with these four characteristics. They add that organizations have a big role to play too. "The goal is to embed these behaviors and practices so that they're the norm for everybody," Cross says.

A version of this article appeared in the November-December 2019 issue of Harvard Business Review.

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The Secrets of Successful Female Networkers