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Watch the video and post your reactions and reflections.

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Respect and Dignity, Intentions vs. Action

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Don't forget to put your name at the top of your post so that you will get credit for completing the homework.

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Some Reflections on the Matthew Hall Video

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Some Reflections on the Matthew Hall Video

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Upon hearing the description of the first encounter with the initial bartender, like Matthew said, I felt his engagement with this patron seemed appropriate and a significantly kinder response than one would expect presently. However, Upon further description of the encounter(s) with employees of the establishment, it became clear to me that a line somewhere had been crossed. I am unable to tell you if the concern was genuine worry or with blatant disrespect, or simple lack of knowledge on their behalf, but I can say it was an interaction that was extremely unusual regarding the stated number of times Matthew was asked if he would like a ride.

A significant point brought up by Matthew is that by continually asking an individual with a disability the same question expecting a different answer because they feel they know what is in their best interest is  minimizing and dishonoring their requests. Additionally, regardless of a person's intentions, an individual knows their limits and capabilities better than you could presently understand. Respectful interactions that keep these individuals answers and choices as their guide could help "able-bodied" individuals in their interactions.

I too, like Matthew, felt that the questions came from a place of genuine concern and were well placed. I did also feel like they were unable to process the answer of "No, thank you , I am ok." as an answer that was sufficient for them.

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As I listened to Matthew's experience, I felt bad that he had these frustrating encounters. I also reflected on how I could apply the important lessons that he gave.

I try my best in any given circumstance. But admittedly, I have had my own share of well-meaning intentions over the years. Some likely came across as unhelpful - to people of all abilities - and my goal is to continue to learn and improve.

The very act of meaningful human interaction is messy. It is an ongoing and never-ending opportunity for empathetic understanding of other's viewpoints and humble introspection with increased self-awareness in areas of needed growth.

Matthew's stories reiterate to me the critical nature of listening to understand without presumptions. I see a call for a heightened awareness of potential for being wrong and a dedication to asking hard questions of not only those who I support, but also of myself.

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As I watched the video and listened to how Matthew was approached by the bartender employee. The employee made an assumption although he asked him if he needed help. I felt bad for Matthew while this was happening. The other bar employee also came and asked if he needed help and which he replied with no. When you ask a person multiple times the same question it becomes frustrating and can make the person become upset at times.
I truly thought that the employees would thought that Matthew was just a regular customer enjoying his day in a restaurant just like any other patron. I believe if someone says no thank you then it should be left alone. I understand they were all trying to be genuine, but sometimes people don't know their limits.

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I felt that the bartender staff could maybe benefit from some extra respect training. To respect Matthew’s wishes when he said he did not need help. Matthew should not have to repeat himself multiple times.

However, here in Ontario, when you serve alcohol (Smart Serve Certificate) you are responsible for that individual if you serve them alcohol. This includes ID'ing, arranging safe transportation home for your guests and recording details of all guest incidents. I feel that the bartender staff were doing their jobs, but were trying to be extra helpful to Matthew, but a line was crossed because Matthew felt this way. They likely did not want to see Matthew get hurt, and get home safely.

This situation is tricky because alcohol is involved, so more details on the story is important, like how much was consumed during the restaurant visit ( i.e., 1 drink vs. 3 drinks).

Ultimately Matthew said he did not need help, and his wishes need to be respected.

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As I watched this I felt bad for Mathew as he was pressured in to making this decision again and again. The bar staff was probably thinking they were helping him and assumed he would give in to the assistance getting home. How much of it is the liability risks for the establishment itself? Not knowing how much he had to drink and in my experience, people who have had too much often say they don't need any help. 'I can drive, no problem'. Although he wasn't behind the wheel, the bar staff was possibly just doing their job.

I think people that offer the help should ultimately honor the wishes of the customer and let go of this mission to intervene.

This will give me pause, moving forward as I offer help to others. I need to do more listening myself and not make assumptions.

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Matthew Hall discusses his experience on a night out to dinner. Matthew is offered (on multiple occasions throughout his night) a ride home by the bartender that is serving him.

After Matthew included the fact that his walk includes a wobble that tends to be more pronounced after a few drinks, I thought I understood why the bartender had initially offered him a ride home. In some states, bartenders, servers or those with a Alcohol Seller-Server Certification are required to engage in responsible alcohol service. The significance of such Certification is to prevent DUIs and alcohol-related fatalities. However, when Matthew stated "no, I enjoy walking", I believe the bartender and staff should have respected Matthew's response when he stated he did not need assistance in getting home.

Matthew mentions a lack of consideration towards his feelings. The staff is dishonoring Matthew by insisting they know best, even when Matthew politely declines their multiple offers. This experience reflects on how dehumanizing it can be for anyone to think they know the capabilities of others. Self-awareness is knowing that attempting to appease yourself can be harmful and a disservice to others.

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While listening to the video it appeared that the bartender was concerned for Matthew. Even when the second employee and the bartender in the van were checking on Matthew I was okay. At the point Matthew clearly stated he was okay and stated how he would get home, the two should have respected him and allowed Matthew to continue on without questioning. I am not sure if they continued to question him because they felt sorry for him (noticed his physical disabilities). Regardless once they made sure Matthew was okay they should have moved on. People need to understand that everyone , including those with disabilities, have the right to experience life, make mistakes, have accidents and learn from life experiences.

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Hearing the repeated disregard for his wishes and autonomy was frustrating but I have certainly been guilty of this in the past. With friends and colleges with a perceived disability, although I was trying to help, my concern and belief that they needed help served my own interests more than theirs. I can also see how this would be very easy to do in supported employment. This also brings to mind the importance of fading and being intentional with the support given.

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I am one of those people that see multiple sides of the story.

After watching the Matthew Hall video I can clearly see why he was frustrated. He was asked more than once by two different people if he was ok and needed/wanted a ride. Matthew knows himself well enough to know that if he needed a ride he would’ve accepted. I agree with Matthew that people try to overcompensate with their kindness. I’ve witnessed this interaction many times while out in the public. I haven’t quite figured out why people feel the need to overcompensate.

Let’s talk about the Bartenders. I almost feel as if Matthew’s disability wasn’t the main reason for their reactions. I feel that their mindset is obviously in bartender mode so all they see throughout their shift is intoxicated people. I feel as if their overcompensation has more to do with covering their butts than his disability, but due to Matthews obvious disability their overcompensation was extra.

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I believe Matthew's situation warrants a little more information before an educated response can be made. Because of the alcohol consumption, I would like to know how much was consumed, etc. I appreciate the bartender's concern and offer to assist Matthew with transportation. The bartender was actually, initially, showing professionalism and concern that is, at times, needed in his course of work.

However, as Matthew continued with his portrayal of events, I agree that the bar employees were excessive in their attempts to transport Matthew. Matthew told them over and over again he could get home and politely declined their offers. In no way was he out of hand and he never waivered in his response. I feel when he was approached by both employees at the same time, they felt he could be more easily "persuaded" to take them up on their offer.

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While watching the video I was reflecting on visible vs invisible disabilities and how people with disabilities are treated differently based on how "valid" their disability seems to able-bodied people. Matthew clearly described a situation where two well-meaning people were overzealous in their attempts to provide unneeded assistance and how dehumanizing that can seem. I greatly empathize with his frustration in not being trusted to handle his own situation and feeling pressured to accept the offers of help just to preserve social customs. People with disabilities should be assumed to be competent and aware of their own abilities, and able to ask for help when needed.

I appreciate that while Matthew acknowledges the positive intent of the bartenders he still makes it clear that the interactions were inappropriate. As important as it is to be kind and compassionate to those around us it's also important for us to respect other people's boundaries around the way they want to be treated. It's demeaning to assume that you know better than the person what they need in a given situation and it's arrogant to insist that you're right above listening to what they're actually telling you. I've been guilty of this with people I've interacted with in the past and it's been a huge learning opportunity for me moving into this field to let my preconceptions go and give people space to let their needs be known.

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Matthew's story is a familiar one to me, due to my family and friends' lives being impact by various disabilities. A stranger will see a mobility aid and automatically assume that person is incapable, or see someone moving differently than they do and assume that a normal life must be impossible. Strangers seem to believe that if they don't offer help / if their help isn't accepted, this is a reflection on the "helper's" morality. They will look over their shoulder to make sure no one is watching them walk away without having provided any obvious assistance. What these well-meaning individuals fail to consider, is how they are often perceived by the individual they are wanting to assist. I've never met you before, why would I want to hand you my groceries - you might steal them. Taking control of someone's wheelchair without their express consent is akin to tossing someone who is capable of walking over your shoulder to help them relocate more quickly - sure hope you actually took them where they wanted to go, and not the opposite direction.
While Matthew was describing his situation and the constantly repeating mantra of "are you sure you don't want help buddy", made me wonder if they were stalling until authorities showed up. Which group of authorities, I'm scared to speculate on. Police don't have a great track record for dealing with individuals with disabilities, physical or mental.
Its not that I think we shouldn't be offering strangers assistance. But I do think we should be doing so from a respectable distance, using a tone that isn't patronizing, and giving a sign of absolute confidence in their reply. "Want some help with that? -no thanks- Ok just checking, have a nice day."

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When listening to Matthews story, I can understand why people would sympathize with the server. It seems like the intent is to be helpful or to ensure his safety. Then again, I can't help but wonder about how the server would have treated an able-bodied person in this situation. If an able-bodied person had consumed a few drinks would they be asking them to help so much? Would the be so insistent? Would they ignore the concept of consent? The unfortunate answer is; probably not.

Some of the red flags from the employee are asking personal questions  and saying things like "hey bud" which can come off as infantilizing. Again, these aren't things that I believe the employees of a restaurant would do to someone they percieved as not having a disablility.

People continued to ask Matthew over and over again if he needed help, and refused to listen to him. In my mind this has become harassment. They didn't want to let the point go! They simply badgered him until he had no choice but to walk away from the situation.

The main takeaway point I got from Matthew's story is that everyone has the right to autonomy. You shouldn't continuously push help on others or assume that others need help, especially without consent! We all want to help others and "do the right thing." but in order to do that we may need to take a step back and re-evaluate. If I find myself in a situation like this I need to pause and ask myself: am I really helping someone or am I centering myself so that I can feel helpful or so that I can accomplish what I want?

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When listening to Matthew's story, I was very disappointed on how the employees handled the situation. I think it's clear that the bartender was concerned and wanted to do the right thing by Matthews at first. Once Matthew stated "no, I enjoy walking." that should have been enough to end the conversation. However, the bartender and another employee continued to ask the same question. They went as far as pulling a van around to pick Matthew up. This ultimately left Matthew feeling backed into a corner. I am glad Matthew did not take the ride, and chose to continue with the plan to walk home.
It is sad to realize how often people fail others when it comes to respecting their wishes. I think Matthew had some excellent questions that everyone should ask themselves before assuming their view is the correct view on a situation. Matthew did not deserve to be placed in a situation to convince strangers on what was best for him.

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Initially, it does seem like there was only good intention behind the bartender's actions. Of course they would want their customers to make it home safely. However, there was a clear line crossed, and it only became worse as it went along.

There is also some context needed to create a full analysis. Mostly, how much alcohol Matthew had consumed, as it is never really specified, as well as if the bartender knew if Matthew had a disability or not, the latter of which I do believe Matthew did imply.

It's never a bad thing to politely and respectfully ask an appropriate question in an effort to keep someone safe, and once Matthew said that he was okay with walking, that really should have been the end of it. The fact that the bartender followed him out, and then that another employee attempted to get him to go into a van, it's clear that Matthew's boundaries were infringed upon. He handled the situation well.

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Yvette Walcott's Reflection to the video.

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Yvette Walcott's Reflection to the video.

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I listened to the video and heard Matthew's polite but probably frustrated interaction with the employees at the establishment he visited. I felt like someone had told them (the employees) a long time ago that they could probably get sued if they allow someone to leave their place inebriated - particularly if they are hurt are in an accident or hurt on their way home. That being said, the employees could simply say the truth...we offered help and it was declined politely. That is all that would and should be needed. To hound someone shows that these people could use some training in how to deal with people. Some are so busy trying to cover themselves, they fail to realize that they are walking all over someone else's rights. I saw an article where someone snuck meat into a vegetarian's food "for their own good" and thought to myself... "why does everyone know best for others.?" Render assistance when requested. Ask if help is needed. That is mindful helping.

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People who have disabilities have the same rights as people who don't--including the right to consume alcohol if they're legally of age to do so. If the bartenders thought Mr Hall had been over served (i.e. was drunk) or was having an interaction with medication that intensified the effects of alcohol, they're obliged (by good manners, their employer's liability insurance, or state/local law) to offer to call him a taxi, shuttle, etc. Aggressively/repeatedly offering to take him home themselves, however, is just weird at best & suspect at worst.

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After watching this video, I can definitely see how this encounter could have been frustrating for Mathew. I also, can see how it would be difficult to decide if Mathew’s “I’m fine” was a genuine self evaluation after serving multiple patrons who misjudged their own tolerance. I was a server for over ten years and one of the first signs that a patron had too much to drink was slurred speech. I’m ashamed to say that not once did I ever consider disability being a possible reason for the slurred speech. This was definitely a teachable moment for me. I think there should be trainings required and taught by individuals living with disabilities to offer an authentic perspective in the workplace.

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I was having a discussion with my wife about this topic and completely jumbled my thoughts. In my 1st response, I made reference to slurred speech when, I meant to focus on his body language/ wobbling and how it could be confused for intoxication. After Mathew mentioned how his disability was confused for intoxication, it brought me down a rabbit hole of other possible instances where this could occur. That is how I also arrived to my slurred speech example. I just thought I needed to clarify my 1st response.

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I enjoyed this video and I appreciate the fact that he touches on respect. While all of the people who interacted with him and offered a ride home were - as he said - well meaning, they did not respect his answer. In our field respect is so important and offering autonomy and independence are core values of recognizing the person first.

I also found it incredibly interesting that these people offering him a ride home felt comfortable doing this simply because of his disablilty. I would be interested to see how many other patrons they offer rides to that are not disabled.

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Matthew Hall video-
Trying to see situations from more that one angle can be difficult.
Yes frustrating for Matthew indeed. Sounded as though he repeatedly acknowledged their offer and respectfully declined multiple times. A lack of understanding of the situation seems evident. But on the flip side, the bar employees have probably seen or heard more than there fair share of bad situation that could maybe have had a better out come if only they had intervened. That being said I can also easily see how they went over the top with repeatedly offering (bordering on forcing) help. Their actions would have been more understandable if Matthew had been trying to drive himself home. Matthew's life experiences at times have probably held may challenges, this video being an example of just one ...and that is an assumption. Assumptions can be misleading and many times hurtful. But this is the road we are all here now trying to build. A road of patience, understanding, acceptance and learning. Viewing the different angles will allow for growth and give us the ability to forage ahead.

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I felt the bartenders' intentions were good but crossed a line when they kept pressuring Matthew. I wonder if they reflected on the situation later and realized how it came off creepy. Hopefully they have learned from this experience and will take different steps in the future.

This is a great reminder for me to take more things into consideration rather than assume. When working with participants, I wait to be asked for assistance or offer it before just doing something, but I'm sure there are instances where I unintentionally overstep.

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This is still all too common in our field. even after 10+ years of PCT training. "Well meaning" people treat adults with a disability like child. In some case violate their rights as citizens and in other belittle them. Mathew handled the situation with the bartends with grace.

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This seems like a situation where hearts are in the right place, but the amount of effort makes the situation worse.

Matthew knew what drinking does to his walk and it's for him to disclose that information to the bar staff, which he did not. Matthew knew he could make it home safely, but the staff did not know that. All they knew, was a customer was walking wobbly and they had to do their job to make sure they get home safe. While the staff tried hard to help, they should have asked a few follow up questions. (ex: how far is your house from here? Here is my number let me know when you make it home safe.) little things like that help everyone in that situation. Staff helped Matthew, and Matthew feels more comfortable with that bar to come back.

We as humans want to help and feel useful, but we also have to be able to understand when a person never asked for help, we have to accept "NO" as an answer.

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After watching the Matthew Hall video, I believe the bartender was concerned for Matthew’s safety. I can understand why there were continued offers for help if the alcohol consumption was significant and Matthew was observed to be unsteady on his feet. Perhaps they felt responsible. Playing the devil’s advocate here. Did they repeatedly ask if he needed help because of the alcohol consumption or because of his disability? Was Matthew assuming it was just because of his disability because he has experienced that in the past? Or were the bartenders genuinely concerned? Could Matthew have offered more of an explanation about why he was "wobbly"? I am of the opinion that if someone needs to be educated about a disability the best person to do that is the person with a disability if they are able to do that.

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Listening to Mathew speak, it reminded me of my friend who has a hearing impairment. Michael much like my friend had people making assumptions about them, instead of listing to them, and what they needed in the situation. My friend is often cut off after one drink when we are out, because they talk in a loud town and has a delay in their speech. I have had to watch my friend explain their disability to people and be looked at like she was lying. I think people think they are being helpful, when really, they are taking away a piece of the persons dignity. I to have been guilty of seeing an individual who experiences a disability and running over to hold open the door, when I didn’t ask if they needed me to. I assumed they needed my help when I should have assumed that they would have asked for assistance if they needed it, or I could have politely offered assistance and let the individual to make the choice for themselves. I have changed my approach after being woken up to what I was doing, and how I was making others feel.

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after you stated that you did not need any assistance getting home I feel like the bar employees should left it that. they most likely made you feel helpless and uncomfortable. people have to ;learn their boundaries when it comes to other people and their feelings