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Anxiety is a word we use to describe feelings of worry, fear and panic. As well as these emotional feelings, people with anxiety might also experience physical (body) sensations such as a racing heart, breathing fast, sweaty hands, dry mouth and feeling shaky. Many people also have "what if" or negative thoughts when they are anxious.

Anxiety is a normal human response to feeling threatened or in danger, even if that threat or danger is a thought, image or memory. We all experience anxiety from time to time. Anxiety can become a real problem if the thoughts, emotions (feelings) and physical sensations are very strong, happen even when there is no real danger or if it lasts for a long time.

Lots of people experience worry and anxiety although for some people it can impact on everyday life and get in the way of school/college, socialising and even home life. The types of anxiety that are most common but cause a lot of distress include:

Worries about what other people think of you or worries about being judged negatively and not feeling good enough

Worries about bad things happening to you or the people you love and care about

Uncontrollable constant worry about lots of things (like school, the future, health, world events)

Worries about your safety and health (including worries about germs and contamination)

Phobias (big fears) about specific things

Worries that you are responsible for bad things happening

Feeling the need to complete certain routines, rituals or behaviour to stop bad things from happening (commonly known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

If anxiety has become a problem for you, there is lots you can do to manage and cope.

Check out the 'what to do' workbooks which young people and families can use and can be downloaded from this page. These provide information and practical strategies to help you manage. It's important to remember we can't get rid of anxiety (or any other emotion) but we can learn how to cope and manage with it.

Worries and anxiety are common; everyone worries so it's important to remember you are not alone. Some worries may seem very real and very scary. Tell someone how you are feeling no matter what your worries are, even if you are worried about doing so. There will be someone who will listen and try to support you.

Although anxiety feels horrible, remember these feelings will pass and the physical sensations cannot harm you. Remind yourself that you have been anxious before, that those feelings passed, that you coped and were ok. If you need to, use activities, such as watching TV, spending time with friends, reading, making things and listening to music, to help manage until you feel a bit better.

You cannot avoid all the things that make you feel anxious so face your FEARs with confidence following these four steps;

Focus - rather than worry about the past, future or the unknown, focus on the present moment, the here and now

Expose - the more you face your fears the easier it will become to manage

Approach - the fear of experiencing anxiety is often worse than the situation you are avoiding. Face your fear and see for yourself that the situation probably isn't as bad as you are predicting

Rehearse - practice anxiety management techniques.

You can find lots of these on the Youth Anxiety website.

Struggling with Anxiety? Try on a new perspective - credit AnxietyBC

What Not to Say to someone with Anxiety

Guided Mindfulness: Passing Clouds - Dr Natalie Roberts

Guided Mindfulness: Leaves on a Stream

Introduction to Mindfulness

Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness for Emotions

Mindfulness Values Exercise

Mindfulness Body Scan

Struggling with Anxiety? Try on a new perspective - credit AnxietyBC

What Not to Say to someone with Anxiety

Guided Mindfulness: Passing Clouds - Dr Natalie Roberts

Guided Mindfulness: Leaves on a Stream

Introduction to Mindfulness

Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness for Emotions

Mindfulness Values Exercise

Mindfulness Body Scan

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how to support a young person who has anxiety

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Sleep problems are common, and the reasons we struggle to sleep are likely to change throughout our lives, for instance, illness, work or having a baby are possible causes.

A few sleepless nights are usually nothing to worry about, but it can become an issue if a lack of sleep starts to affect your daily life.

Learn more about signs you might be sleep deprived, common symptoms of insomnia and if poor sleep hygiene or sleep habits could be the reason.

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Learn about sleep problems, including what it means to be sleep deprived or have insomnia. Plus find out how sleep hygiene can help if you are struggling to sleep.

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A decent night's sleep will help children to learn more effectively and make them less susceptible to minor ailments,

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This webpage looks at the reasons behind why some children and young people have sleep problems, and offers some practical advice on how to deal with them.

One of the most common problems in toddlers and young children is sleeplessness. The child may have difficulty settling to sleep, or wakes in the night and wants a parent.

The amount of sleep needed gradually decreases from infancy to adulthood.

Every child is different but as a general rule of thumb:

toddlers need about 12-14 hours sleep (including daytime naps)

preschoolers (aged 3-5) need 11-12 hours sleep

school-age children need 10-11 hours sleep

teenagers need 9-10 hours sleep.

There can be different reasons.

Very young children often fear being left alone at night. This is called 'separation anxiety' and is normal at a young age.

Bedtime fears - many young children are afraid of the dark.

Bad habits - napping too much during the day.

"I'm not sleepy" - you might find that when your child gets very tired, they get irritable, aggressive or even overactive (hence the phrase "overtired").

Teenagers can also have problems with sleeplessness. They might find it hard to sleep if they are worried, drinking too much tea or coffee, cola or energy drinks, or are using illegal drugs. Some will just get into the habit of going to sleep very late. After a while, they find that they can't get to sleep at an earlier time.

Sometimes, difficulty in sleeping is part of depression.

This can simply be caused by your child not getting enough sleep at night. They could be going to bed too late or be having problems sleeping, for reasons as described above.

Less common reasons include:

Large tonsils and adenoids at the back and sides of the throat can cause breathing difficulties that can wake a child many times each night. The child may not remember waking up, but you may notice that they snore loudly and sleep restlessly. This is called obstructive sleep apnoea. An operation to remove the tonsils and adenoids may be needed.

Restless legs syndrome is a condition where the child complains of crawling feelings or 'growing pains' in their legs that make them want to keep moving them, which stops them getting to sleep.

Narcolepsy is an unusual condition that causes unpredictable attacks of sleep during the day. People with narcolepsy may also have sudden attacks of weakness - this is called cataplexy.

In teenagers, drug or alcohol misuse is sometimes a factor.

Some young people who have depression sleep more than usual.

Most children have nightmares occasionally. These are vivid and frightening dreams. Children will usually remember the dream, and will need to be comforted so that they can get back to sleep.

Nightmares can also be caused by worry, by nasty accidents, by bullying and by abuse of any kind.

You can help by encouraging your child to talk about the dream or draw a picture of it. This will help you to find out the cause of the upset and work out what help or support your child needs.

Night terrors most commonly affect children between the ages of 4 and 12 years. They are completely different from nightmares or anxiety-related dreams.

Unlike nightmares, they happen to young children an hour or two after falling asleep. The first sign is that your child is screaming uncontrollably and seems to be awake. In spite of appearances, your child is still asleep. They will not be able to recognise you, will be confused and unable to communicate, and it is usually hard to reassure them. It is best not to try and wake them, but sit with them until the night terror passes, usually after about 5 minutes.

Try not to feel upset yourself. It can be very distressing to see your child so disturbed, but they will not remember it in the morning. Children usually grow out of this.

Sleepwalking is similar to night terrors, but instead of being terrified, the child gets up out of bed and moves around. The main thing you can do to help is to make sure that they don't hurt themselves.

You may need to take practical precautions, like using a stair-gate, making sure that windows and doors are securely locked, and that fires are screened or put out. This is also something that children tend to grow out of.

Sleep problems are very common. Most children's sleep problems happen only occasionally. They are not serious and get better on their own, with time. If they don't, you need to take them seriously. As well as being upsetting, they may interfere with your child's learning and behaviour.

There may be an underlying health problem, physical or mental.

It is important that your child has a regular sleep routine:

Decide on regular times for going to bed and getting up.

Stick to these times.

Develop a consistent, relaxing bedtime routine with your child. This should start with quiet time to help your child to wind down - for example, a bath followed by a short bedtime story before you say goodnight. This helps children to settle, and should end with your child falling asleep without the need for you to be with them.

It is important to be loving, but firm, about when it is time for your child to settle down for the night. When your child cries out, it is important to be sure that they are not wet, ill or in pain. It is best to do this quickly, while still comforting and reassuring them. Don't spend too much time with them or take them into your bed, because this will reward them for being awake.

A dummy can help to comfort young infants who wake needing to suck. Once you have weaned your child on to solid foods, it is best not to give them a bottle or dummy at night - if they wake and can't find it, they will probably start crying. A cuddly toy or favourite blanket can often help young children to cope with their separation anxiety.

Agree with them reasonable and consistent bedtimes- for weekdays and weekends.

Most teenagers like to have a 'lie-in' at weekends - limiting the getting up time to only an hour or two later than weekdays will ensure they can get into a stable sleep routine.

Help them to get into a routine of 30 minutes 'quiet time' before bed - no TV, texting, homework or computer use.

They should avoid daytime napping.

Getting some fresh air, gentle exercise and day light each day will help them to sleep at night.

They should avoid caffeine and heavy exercise for four hours before bed, as these can cause problems getting to sleep.

Encourage them to do their worrying before getting into bed - perhaps by writing a "to do list" for the following day earlier in the evening.

Your GP or health visitor can offer advice and help. If things don't get better, your GP or another professional can refer your child for a specialist opinion from a paediatrician or the local child and adolescent mental health service (see Who's Who in CAMHS). This will help to find out exactly what the problem is and how it can be best resolved.

I never liked high school. I got named 'junky boy' on the first day. I have diabetes ... I started doing my own injections in high school and had to wear a special wristband. It didn't take long for the bullying to get worse. I stopped going out and spent more time alone.

I started getting irritable at home and didn't want to see anyone, preferring to stay up late when I could be alone. I started to feel really tired in the morning, and soon I wouldn't get up and refused to go to school.

I felt 'ill' all the time and my brother started to call me 'vampire'. I looked pale and had no friends. My parents had had enough of trying to get me to school and I even remember seeing mum in tears. That was when we spoke to the nurse in the diabetic clinic and it was suggested that I go to see the psychiatry team in hospital. I was reluctant, but I did go and I'm really glad.

When we met the team, we talked about my problems and I was asked to keep a sleep diary. We also tried 'sleep hygiene techniques' - these are tips on helping you sleep, but these didn't work.

The specialist doctor prescribed some medication and arranged for us to meet with some people from education and the diabetic clinic. It felt like the first time that people were listening. I now have a work placement and was lucky to get involved with an organisation that arranges activities for young people with similar problems to me. I met my girlfriend there.

I am really sleeping much better now and go to the special teenage diabetic clinic where I get more support. I still don't go to school, but I have a home internet package and am hoping to go to College. My mum is smiling for the first time in months.

Peterson J & Peterson M (2003). The Sleep Fairy. Omaha: Behave'n Kids Press. This is an American children's book that, through the story, teaches your child to go to sleep in their own bed in order to get a reward from the "Sleep Fairy"! It has explanatory notes for parents.

London: Dorling Kindersley. Your Child's Sleep Problems Solve Ferber R & Beckerman D (2006).

References

Dahl R & Harvey AG (2008). Sleep disorders. In: Rutter M et al. (eds) (2008)

Rutter's Child and Adolescent Psychiatry(5th edn). Oxford: Blackwell. pp894-905.

Kotagal S &, Pianosi P (2006). Sleep disorders in children & adolescents. BMJ;332: 828-832.

Galland BC & Mitchell EA (2010). Helping children sleep. Archives of Disease in Childhood 2010; 95:850-853.

Credits

Revised by the Royal College of Psychiatrists' Child and Family Public Engagement Editorial Board (CAFPEB).

With grateful thanks to Dr Hussain Farooq, Dr Virginia Davies, Dr Vasu Balaguru, and Thomas Kennedy..

This resource reflects the best possible evidence at the time of writing.

About this information

This information reflects the best available evidence at the time of writing. This mental health information for young people was written in 2020.
© November 2020 Royal College of Psychiatrists

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Sleep problems in childhood and adolescence - for parents and carers | Royal College of Psychiatrists

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This webpage looks at the reasons behind why some children and young people have sleep problems, and offers some practical advice on how to deal with them. One of the most common problems in toddlers and young children is sleeplessness. The child may have difficulty settling to sleep, or wakes in the night and wants a parent.

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Helping you and your child sleep | Contact

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Disabled children and those with certain medical conditions are more likely to experience problems with sleeping.

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Lots of young people find getting to sleep, staying asleep or waking up a real problem. Disrupted, broken or insufficient sleep can really impact on people’s mood and ability to cope with daily life.

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Learn the signs that your child may be ready to start potty training, and how to teach your child to use a potty.

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Toilet Training

Toilet training is challenging for everyone. Some children get it in a matter of days, but for others it can take longer.

Practice and Patience; as with all new skills this task will take time to learn. Don't expect your child to master it straight away. Break the task down into its separate parts (e.g. managing clothes, wiping or washing hands etc). Teach one task at a time with you helping with all the other tasks.

It is important your child feels secure when they are sitting on the toilet. Using a toilet step or a sturdy box under their feet will make them feel safer. It also helps them to be in the right position for pooing. A toilet seat insert can help your child feel safer too.

There is lots of help available. If you have questions about toilet training then speak to your Health Visitor. Nursery staff have lots of experience with this too so might be able to help. If your child is older then the school nurse will be able to help. If your child starts having accidents once they are toilet trained it is important to take them to the GP.

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From the early stages of toilet training right up to teaching your child to aim straight.

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Toilet Training - when is good to start?

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Toilet Training - when is good to start?

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As you think about training your child to use the toilet, put yourself in your child's place for a moment and think about everything that is involved.

Consider the sensations felt of needing the toilet, being able to connect that sensation with the need your own body has and learning the appropriate response. Along with this having an awareness of the time needed to get to the potty or toilet, as well as the ability to removing clothing. It is a lot to learn and coordinate. So as a parent or carer it's best not to be pressured by others to start toilet training, or become impatient when things don't go according to plan. Remembering every child is different and learns at different times and in different ways. Most children are ready for toilet training between 18 months and 3 years old, when they can understand what is expected of them.

This link will take you to a simple guide to start toilet training:
https://ihv.org.uk/app/uploads/2015/10/PT-Toilet-training-FINAL-VERSION-29.7.20.pdf

The following link will help you decide when your child is ready for toilet training and how to go about it. This website also suggests solutions to common problems such as constipation. Tips are provided for children with additional needs. There are also videos for children, explaining "poos and wees".
https://www.eric.org.uk/Pages/Category/potty-training

The following link talks more about the psychological considerations of toilet training:
https://www.annafreud.org/early-years/early-years-in-mind/common-difficulties/toileting/

Please contact your Health Visitor if you feel further support is needed.

Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust runs a confidential secure text messaging service for parents of children aged 0-19 years called ChatHealth. The service operates Monday to Thursday between 9am and 4.30pm and Fridays 9am to 4pm, excluding bank holidays. All texts will be responded to by a public health nurse (health visitor/school nurse) within 24 hours. Outside of the service working hours, you'll receive a message back to inform you that your text will be responded to once the line reopens.

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Toilet Training - when is good to start? - Hampshire | Health for Under5s

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As you think about training your child to use the toilet, put yourself in your child's place for a moment and think about everything that is involved. Consider the sensations felt of needing the toilet, being able to connect that sensation with the need your own body has and learning the appropriate response.

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learning disabilities

Toileting and Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

Many children with ASD experience problems with toileting. This can include a delay in toilet-training, a reluctance or refusal to use the toilet, or a reluctance to pass urine or faeces at all. There are many ideas about why this might be, although there is little research evidence to back them up. Here are some possible reasons for toilet-training issues:

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
Children may not understand that urine or faeces are 'waste' material, and may believe that they are losing part of their body. It is hard for many children with learning disabilities to understand that food becomes poo!

GASTRO-INTESTINAL ISSUES
Research on gastro-intestinal issues in ASD is varied, but some studies suggest that children with ASD are more likely to have chronic gastro-intestinal problems. Problems such as constipation can make going to the toilet painful, so the child avoids this, which then makes the constipation worse - the child is stuck in a negative cycle.

NEED FOR CONTROL/ROUTINE
Children with ASD need the world to be predictable, and bowel movements can feel scarily out of their control.

COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS
The child may not be able to let you know when they need to go to toilet, or understand your prompts/attempts to teach them. This can lead to frustration for everybody involved.

MOTOR PROBLEMS
Children who experience some form of delay in the development of their motor skills may not have full control over their bowels and/or bladder. Some children with learning disabilities may never achieve full bowel and bladder control.

LACK OF SOCIAL MOTIVATION

Children with ASD may not understand that toilet training is a healthy and beneficial part of growing up and that wearing a nappy can be socially unacceptable when they are older.

SENSORY ISSUES
Many children with ASD experience significant sensory sensitivities & struggle to manage the sensory input that they receive. This may include a dislike of the noise made by toilets, the sensation of passing urine/faeces, a cold toilet seat, or a preoccupation with water in the toilet.

Ensure the child is ready for toilet training. Some signs of bladder/bowel control are:

Urinating large amounts at once.

Having regular, well-formed bowel movements at predictable times.

Having "dry" periods of around two hours.

Able to follow simple instructions like "go and get the cup".

Indicating that they dislike the feeling of a wet/dirty nappy or pad.

Once you are sure that the child is ready for toilet training, you can help in several ways:

Record when and where the child passes faeces or urine before you begin. Pay attention to the time of day they go, the reaction of the child (did they let you know by crying or going to a particular place?), and how you responded.

Ensure any constipation is treated. If left un-treated, passing faeces can be painful and might cause the child to withhold going.

As a family, it is important to pick the right time. You need to allow toilet training to take priority, for a consistentapproach to be implemented and effortlevels to be maintained.

Accept that it is likely to be stressful for a time.

Ensure their diet includes plenty of fibre, unless you are told otherwise by your child's doctor or dietician.

1. ENFORCING BOWEL CONTROL IS NOT HELPFUL

Although it's important to have clear boundaries and routines to support children with ASD to understand what is expected of them, it's essential to understand that enforcing bowel control could exacerbate existing problems. The child must be ready.

Never use punishment when toilet-training. Making toileting a scary or unpleasant experience for children will not help them to learn, and may make them refuse to go at all (i.e. encourage withholding).

Do not react negatively to 'accidents'. It can be very frustrating for parents, but showing your stress or annoyance can inadvertently teach children that you do not want them to pass urine or faeces (children with ASD can be quite unusual learners). They may not understand that you are angry about when or where they have done it, rather than what they have done.

2. USE REWARDS

Children with ASD are often not intrinsically socially motivated (e.g. by what other people do), so you may need to motivate them in other ways. You may need to continue to reward the child for some tine after successful toilet training, until the behaviour has become part of their routine/habit.

3. MAKE IT FUN

Make the bathroom a relaxing place to spend time in. Be aware of things that would attract the child (e.g. a coloured toilet seat, stickers of their favourite cartoon characters, a soft bath-mat). Equally, be aware of things that would frighten/put-off the child (e.g. the feeling of a particular toilet seat, bright lights).

Don't tell your child to 'push' because this can lead to tensing and less likelihood of a successful bowel movement. Instead, encourage them to relax. You may find that your child is more relaxed after a warm bath.

Blowing bubbles can both entertain your child and encourage bowel movements by recreating a slight pushing motion.

You may decide to encourage the child to spend time in the bathroom playing with toys or water in the sink. However, be wary that, whilst this makes it easier to put/encourage the child onto the toilet by reducing anxiety, it can also confuse children as to the purpose of the bathroom/toilet.

4. PROVIDE THE NECESSARY TEACHING MATERIALS

Social stories can be a good way to help children with ASD to understand what is expected of them. You can create stories (with pictures) to show the whole bathroom/toilet routine (e.g. feel I need to wee, go to the bathroom, take trousers down, sit on toilet etc).

You can create stories to explain that going to the toilet is okay, and that poo and wee are meant to go into the toilet. For more able or older children, you may be able to explain that it is important to get rid of waste from the body.

You can use the child's interests to create examples, such as Spongebob/other character wanting to go to the toilet, and how he/she did it.

You may need to show your child what to do! This can seem embarrassing, but the child will probably be unaware that there is anything to feel embarrassed about, and may learn more from you 'modelling' behaviour than from a book. Alternatively, you could 'model' toileting behaviour using toys or puppets.

5. SCHEDULED SITTING

This is one technique suggested for use with children with ASD where toileting has become very stuck. It should be used in conjunction with the other advice in this section.

Identify times when your child is most likely to have a bowel movement (use a diary to monitor bowel movements as suggested overleaf). Note that 5-20 minutes after meals is a likely time (due to the gastro-colic reflex). Just prior to these times, encourage your child to sit on the toilet for 5 minutes (or a brief time initially). Give them something to occupy them (e.g. a book, handheld computer game, something else they really enjoy).

After 5 minutes, allow the child to leave the toilet; although, if they are happy to stay in the bathroom, this is preferable. After a 10-15 minute break, return them to the toilet for another 5 minutes. Repeat this process for as long as you feel the child will tolerate it without anxiety/tantrums, until the child has had a bowel movement.

Combine this strategy with social stories and rewards for any successful use of the toilet. Try to keep calm and avoid any confrontations. Consider waiting until the school holidays, when you can be more consistent with the approach.

ERIC provide expert support, information and understanding to children and enable parents, carers and professionals to help them establish good bowel and bladder health.
Website

TheNational Autistic Society provides information and support for people with Autism and their families and for professionals. They are a very active organisation and offer some really useful information about strategies and approaches for supporting people with Autism.
Website | Specific page on Toilet Training

The British Institute of Learning Disabilities also have some useful information and further advice about a variety of common issues.
Website

Local Offer is a Derbyshire-specific site which allows you to search for lots of different services, including parenting support groups, in the local area.
Website

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Many children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders experience problems with toileting. This can include a delay in toilet-training or reluctance/refusal to use the toilet at all.

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One Step At A Time - A Parent Guide to toilet skills for children with special needs_Updated_V4

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Toilet Training Guide for Children with Autism

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Toilet Training Guide for Children with Autism

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Toilet Training Guide for children with ASD

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Home page for Simon Says Child Bereavement Support charity showing support activities and ways you can support the charity.

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Winston's Wish is the UK's childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

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We help children, young people, parents, and families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies.

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On this page, you'll find information to help you support your child or young person with grief and loss. We've also got advice about where you can find grief support services.

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Guide Menu for Grief and loss

What is grief?

Losing someone we love and feel close to, or going through a bereavement, can be extremely painful. Grief is our natural response to this loss, and it is a process rather than an event.

Your child or young person, as well as you and other family members, may be grieving because:

someone in the family has died, like a parent, grandparent or sibling

their friend or someone at school has died

they have lost someone by suicide

someone they are close to has become ill

a pet has died or been lost

What does grief feel like?

Grief feels different to every individual child or young person. Our feelings around grief also change over time.

It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to feel whatever emotion we do, and to process it in our own way. It's a time for being kind and patient with ourselves.

You might sometimes hear people talk about the 'stages of grief' or the 'grief cycle'. These describe some of the common feelings that people who are grieving can experience.

What are the 'stages of grief'?

1. Denial - for example, feeling confused, numb or in shock.

2. Anger - this might be towards the person who has died, or with the world in general.

3. Bargaining - for example, going over things from the past, or feeling guilty or anxious.

4. Depression - this might feel like intense sadness or loneliness about living without the person.

5. Acceptance - this might be feeling more able to live with our grief, rather than feeling we have 'got over it'.

It's important to understand that not everyone experiences all these things, and that we do not move through these stages one-by-one.

We might move forwards or backwards between them, or experience them in any order. Or we might feel different emotions.

Your child or young person might also experience some of the physical signs of grief. These can include:

waves of crying, which can sometimes feel like they come out of the blue

feeling unwell or sick

eating more or less than before

being extremely tired

finding it difficult to get to sleep

finding it difficult to concentrate, including at school

It's helpful to remember that it is normal for your child or young person to feel and experience these things after a loss.

Tips for talking about grief and loss

If your child doesn't want to talk

If your child or young person feels uncomfortable about talking, you could try starting a conversation while doing an activity. This can help them to relax by making it feel less like a 'big chat'. Have a look at our activity suggestions to get some ideas.

It's also okay to give them some space, especially with older children and teenagers. Sometimes it helps to just sit together quietly, or to offer a hand squeeze or hug. Reassure them that it's okay to talk to someone else they trust too.

You can find more tips about talking in our guide.

Helping your child or young person to cope with grief

Supporting your child or young person with a sudden death

When someone they're close to dies suddenly or unexpectedly, children and young people are likely to feel extremely shocked. They may find it impossible to believe that it's happened, or feel numb and empty. They might find it difficult to talk, or to eat or drink. They may experience physical symptoms like tummy aches, headaches and being extremely tired. These reactions are a normal way of coping with huge shock.

In the days and weeks after a sudden death, the most important thing you can do is provide safety and support.

Grief and loss support services

There are lots of organisations who provide counselling and other types of support to families, children and young people after a bereavement.

Sometimes, the grieving process starts before someone dies. For example, when we know they are ill and they are going to die soon. This is sometimes called 'anticipatory grief'. In pre-bereavement counselling, your child or young person can talk through their feelings and worries. Some hospices and other organisations offer this service. Speak to the professionals supporting your family to see what's available.

In bereavement or grief counselling, your child or young person will have a space to talk. They can also start to process some of their feelings around what's happened. You may be able to access this service through:

Let your child or young person know about the grief support services that are available to them via phone, text or online chat. You can find a list of support services below.

Over the longer-term, a counsellor or therapist can listen, provide emotional support and help your child or young person to make sense of their feelings. They can also support them to find ways of coping. You can find out how your child or young person can access counselling and therapy in our guide for parents.

If you have wider concerns about your child's mental health, it's a good idea to speak to the GP about next steps. They can find out more about what's going on and refer your child for more specialist help.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a young person who is grieving can be a very emotional experience. Take time to look after yourself and top up your own batteries when you can. If you are also grieving, things may feel overwhelming at times. Allow space for your own grief too. Remember that it's okay to ask for help from family and friends when you need it.

If you need support with your own grief, or you're struggling to cope, it's really important that you get the help you need. This will make you more able to be there for your child. You can access counselling, helpline support and support groups via the grief services listed below.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Help us improve our content

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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A guide to supporting a child or young person with grief, bereavement or loss, including information about finding grief counselling and other help.

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The following information could help if your child has lost or is about to lose someone, such as a family member or friend.

If your child is about to lose someone

If a child has a loved one, such as a friend or family member who's going to die, they can benefit from special support.

A child's stress level is often at its highest before bereavement because of fear and the unknown.

Pre-bereavement counselling gives a child a chance to think and talk about their feelings and share their worries.
The YoungMinds website has more information on counselling services for children and young people
Making a memory box

If you're a parent and you know you're going to die, you could make a memory box to give to your child, or make one together.

A memory box contains things that remind you both of your time together. It can provide an important link between you and your child once you've gone.
Macmillan Cancer Support has information about making a memory box

If a child has lost someone

Talk about the person who has died

During bereavement, it can help a child to talk about the person who's died, whether it was a grandparent, parent, brother, sister or friend.

Direct, honest and open communication is more helpful than trying to protect your child by hiding the truth. If you exclude them from family ceremonies and services after someone has died it could make them feel excluded.

This can also help your child be open about their own feelings and avoid confusion about what has happened. It may be helpful to talk as a family, perhaps with your child, about how to include them in any events that celebrate or say goodbye to the person who has died.

It's important for them to have someone with whom they can talk about that person and share their emotions. This could be through photos, games, memory boxes or stories.

Over time, children may start to talk more about their loss at different times and in different ways. Young children may start talking about death or including it in their play, but this is normal and is a way for them to make sense of what has happened.

Further support for your child

There are also bereavement charities that offer helplines, email support, and online communities and message boards for children.

These include:

Child Bereavement UK - call 0800 028 8840 Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, or email helpline@childbereavementuk.org

Cruse Bereavement Care - call 0808 808 1677 Monday and Friday, 9.30am to 5pm; Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 9.30am to 8pm; Saturday and Sunday 10am to 2pm

Grief Encounter - call 0808 802 0111 Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm, or email contact@griefencounter.org.uk

Hope Again - call 0808 808 1677 Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm, or email hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

Winston's Wish - call 0808 802 0021 Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm, or email ask@winstonswish.org

You can also find out more about children and bereavement from the Childhood Bereavement Network
Make a memory box

If the person who's died did not leave a memory box, you could make one with your child.

It can include:

gifts

shells collected on the beach

memories written on a card

anything that makes the child feel connected to that person

Don't forget to look after yourself

It's important to make sure you're also getting the support you need after a loss. This can also help you to better support your child.
Read more about getting help with grief after bereavement or loss

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Find out what to do and where to find bereavement support if your child has lost a loved one or has a loved one who's dying.

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Bereavement and loss of a loved one (such as a family member, friend or pet) can be really devastating. People may also feel a sense of loss when an important relationship ends (such as relationship break up or friendship break down). When you experience a bereavement or loss, it can be hard to understand, process or adjust. You may experience many thoughts and feelings including, sadness, worry, anger or confusion. If the person you have lost has been unwell, you may experience other feelings such as relief. There is no right or wrong way to feel think or behave; everyone processes grief differently. Some days you may feel more able to cope than other days. It is important to be kind to yourself.

If you or someone you know has suffered a loss or bereavement and are struggling to cope or need some advice, Simon Says is a young person bereavement support charity that provides support and advice to young people and their families across Hampshire.

For more information about how they might be able to support you, visit SimonSays or call their support line on 023 8064 7550.

Watch: Video 1 of 7

Simon Says YPG - Every Hour, Every Day -credit SimonSaysCBS

Who Do I Become? Part 1 - Ben's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Who Do I Become? Part 2 - Mia's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Who Do I Become? Part 3 - Samantha's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Who Do I Become? Part 4 - Joey's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Does time heal when you have lost someone you love?

What helps you get through after losing a loved one?

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Simon Says YPG - Every Hour, Every Day -credit SimonSaysCBS

Who Do I Become? Part 1 - Ben's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Who Do I Become? Part 2 - Mia's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Who Do I Become? Part 3 - Samantha's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Who Do I Become? Part 4 - Joey's Story - credit Hampshire Cultural Trust/Hampshire CAMHS, part of the ICE Project

Does time heal when you have lost someone you love?

What helps you get through after losing a loved one?

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Bereavement and loss of a loved one (such as a family member, friend or pet) can be really devastating. People may also feel a sense of loss when an important relationship ends (such as relationship break up or friendship break down). When you experience a bereavement or loss, it can be hard to understand, process or adjust.

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Books about grief and loss for 5 to 8 year olds

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Books can help children to understand sad feelings - from losing a cherished toy to the death of a family member. We've suggested a few books to help them cope, prepare for future tough times, or just enjoy a good book together now.

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Hampshire Young Carers Alliance | Supporting Young Carers in Hampshire

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The Hampshire Young Carers Alliance (HYCA) is a consortium of ten Young Carer projects/services across Hampshire. Learn more.

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Who we are.

We are a Charity Incorporated Organisation (CIO) set up to support young carers aged 8 to 17 who live in the Winchester District.

Who are young carers?

Young carers are children and young people who care for a parent or sibling with a long-term illness or disability.

What do they do?

Types of caring

The tasks undertaken by children and young people vary according to the nature of the illness or disability, as well as the level and frequency of need for care and the structure of the family unit.

A young carer may undertake some or all of the following:

■ Giving emotional support or worrying.
■ Practical tasks such as cooking, housework and shopping.
■ Managing the family budget, collecting benefits and prescriptions.
■ Physical care such as lifting.
■ Personal care such as dressing, washing, helping with toileting needs.
■ Giving medication
■ Looking after or “parenting” younger siblings.

What are the impacts?

Negative aspects of caring

■ There may be problems at school, with completing homework and getting qualifications.
■ Young carers can be isolated from other children of the same age and from other family members.
■ They may lack time for play, leisure, or sport.
■ They may get a lack of recognition, praise or respect from others.
■ They may feel that there is nobody there for them and that professionals do not listen to them.
■ They may develop their own health problems as a result of caring; physically or emotionally.
■ They may feel that they are different from other children.
■ They may feel that no one else understands their experiences.
■ They may have problems moving into adulthood, especially with finding work, living on their own and establishing relationships.
■ They may experience conflicting emotions, such as loving the cared-for person while resenting the burden of care; being proud of what they do as carers while resisting the restrictions made on their young lives. This may lead to the young person feeling guilty or confused and perhaps further isolated from their peer group.

Inappropriate caring can impact upon the young carer’s own well-being and put them in need of support from health and social care services.

Positive aspects of caring

■ It is important to note that young carers do not necessarily dwell on the negative impacts of caring. They may welcome the sense of pride they feel about their caring role and achievements. They may also benefit from a close family environment that is supportive and caring of each other.
■ The experience of being a young carer has some positive elements. Young carers can be highly self-motivated multi-taskers, coping with and achieving at school whilst also undertaking a caring role.
■ However, it is important that recognition of the positive impacts of care does not inadvertently encourage the continuation of inappropriate care taking place or lead to the caring becoming a cause for celebration and not action.
■ A young carer’s ability to cope and achieve must not be
used to mask their need for support.

2006

Young Carers Festival

2007

Young Carers Festival

2008

Young Carers Festival

2009

Young Carers Festival

2010

Young Carers Festival

2011

Young Carers Festival

2012

Young Carers Festival

2013

Young Carers Festival

2014

Young Carers Festival

2015

Young Carers Festival

2016

Young Carers Festival

2017

Young Carers Festival

2018

Young Carers Festival

Our Vision

We believe young carers are children first and should be free to develop emotionally and take full advantage of opportunities for educational achievement and life success.

Our Mission

To improve the lives of children and young people with caring responsibilities by providing safe, quality support to individuals and offering a holistic approach to the whole family.

Staff

Ben Hogbin Manager

Ben joined in 2005 and has an Advanced Professional Diploma in Business Studies, is a Chartered Manager and is an Advanced Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Facilitator. Ben takes lead on our Wellness Programme.

Anna Hamilton Young Carers Support Co-ordinator

Anna joined in 2012 and has NVQ’s in Youth Work, Information, Advice & Guidance and Counselling. Anna is also a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Facilitator. Anna takes lead on our Exploration Programme.

Tana Spreadbury Young Carers Support Co-ordinator

Tana joined as a volunteer in 2015 and became a member of staff in 2017 after completing her level 3 in Youth Work. Tana is also a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Facilitator. Tana takes lead on our Activities Programme.

Ali Soper Young Carers Support Co-ordinator

Ali joined as a volunteer and later as a member of staff in 2021. Ali supports the Exploration Programme and takes lead on the digitalisation of project services, with her background in digital learning and development.

Trustees

Tim Woodland Chairman

Past president of the Horticultural Trades Association. Trustee of gardening charity Perennial. Currently MD of Achimenes Ltd.

Mike Billington Secretary

Former Manufacturing Pharmacist and Plant Manager working for several international
companies, international athlete in the 1960s and a Past President of
Winchester Rotary.

Gareth Barter Trustee

An experienced Business Manager with a demonstrated history of working in Health Care, Veterinary, Retail and Customer Service Industries.

Guy Morgan Trustee

Penny Power Trustee

Volunteers

Aileen Edmunds

Amy Gilkes

Ann Ashburn

Busra Yaman

Chloe Henderson

Chris Downing

Clare Gaster

Denise Williams

Flora McCallum

Gareth Barter

Guy Morgan

Jane Granger

John Charles Morgan

John Webb

Lucy Gray

Mike Billington

Nick Owen

Penny Power

Rachel Horton

Rachel Pryor-Jones

Sarah Meikle

Sean Toomer

Stephen Hanvey

Stuart Findlay

Venetia Bocchetta

Our history

A report was commissioned by Hampshire Social Services to identify young carers in the Winchester area and to encourage the relevant agencies to tailor their support to the needs of young carers.

More

In 1995 Jenny Frank MBE published the report in a book called ‘Couldn’t Care More’. It was one of the first insights into the needs of these young carers and the impacts this responsibility has on their social, personal, emotional and educational development. As a result of these findings the Winchester Young Carers Project was set up as an independent charity in 1999 and would be one of the first of its kind in the country.

2005

Youth Clubs Hampshire & Isle of Wight Youth Club of the Year

2009

Celebrated our 10th Anniversary

2011

Hampshire Magazine Charity of the Year

2015

University of Winchester Community Star Award

2017

Winchester Business Excellence Awards Charity of the Year

Supported by

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Who we are. We are a Charity Incorporated Organisation (CIO) set up to support young carers aged 8 to 17 who live in the Winchester District. Who are young carers? Young carers are children and young people who care for a parent or sibling with a long-term illness or disability.

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The Children's Society - Information for Young People

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The Children's Society - Information for Young People

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Our information and advice pages hopefully have what you need. If we don't, we'll show you who can.

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The Children's Society - Advice and Support

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The Children's Society - Advice and Support

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Are you a young person looking for advice, or want to connect with other young carers? You've come to the right place.

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Safer Internet Day 2022 - Start a conversation

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Staying Safe Online Information - Hamble Primary Website

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Staying Safe Online Information - Hamble Primary Website

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Some cookies are necessary in order to make this website function correctly. These are set by default and whilst you can block or delete them by changing your browser settings, some functionality such as being able to log in to the website will not work if you do this.

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Promoting online safety for children | The Children’s Society

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Understanding online safety and the risks of being online, including grooming and bullying, is vital to keeping children safe online.

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Welcome to the UK Safer Internet Centre, where you can find online safety tips, advice and resources to help children and young people stay safe online.

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Campaigning for change

We fight to change laws to make society safer for children. Our Wild West Web campaign has pushed for new regulations through the Online Safety Bill to make sure websites, apps and games are safe for children to use. But the draft Bill doesn't go far enough to protect children.
Help us end the Wild West Web

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Understanding online safety is tricky for all ages - we have advice and guides to help you learn about staying safe online as a family.

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Lots of people like to play video or online games and can spend many hours gaming.  For lots of people this is ok, and they are able to have other hobbies and interests, see friends, and still get on with their everyday lives.  For others, this love of gaming can tip into being unhelpful, and impact on their life in a damaging way.  It is possible to be at risk of, or develop, an addiction to gaming in a similar way to those who are at risk of, or addicted, to substances (such as drugs or alcohol).

What it might look like, or feel like, if someone is struggling with problematic gaming:

Constantly thinking about, or wanting to play the game;

Feeling irritable and restless (fidgety) when not playing;

Under reporting, or lying about how much time they’ve spent playing, or playing in secret (such as in the middle of the night);

Tiredness, headaches or hand pain from too much screen time, and use of controllers;

Not wanting to pay attention to things such as personal hygiene (eg, washing) or eating;

Not seeing friends as often, or doing other things they used to enjoy doing, as all their time is spent gaming/ online;

Not wanting to go to school so that they can game;

Sleep disturbance (difficulties getting to, or staying asleep, or restless sleep with or without nightmares).

Not everyone who has a gaming addiction will experience all these signs and symptoms. Also, if a young person is experiencing some of these signs and symptoms this does not necessarily mean that they have a gaming addition, but it may be important to get further help and advice.

Things that might help someone who experiences problematic gaming:

Helping young people to develop an awareness and understanding of their gaming behaviour, and how this is having a detrimental impact on their wellbeing and/or functioning. Having open, non-judgemental, non-blaming/ critical conversations, sharing concerns and observations may be a starting point;

Remaining open and curious to the lived and felt experience of the young person, as this will help you both to better understand the drivers and rewards (factors which make gaming more likely) for the young person;

If a young person is gaming, ensure that they are playing age appropriate games. They have age ratings just like films. Pan European Game Information provides detailed age ratings to help you decide how appropriate a game is for your child;

Some games allow players to connect and interact with others, including people they may not know. Make sure your young person knows how to protect themselves online by not sharing personal information. If you, or your young person are concerned about online interactions, you can report it to Child Exploitation and Online Protection who can advise and support you;

Aim to work together with your young person in reducing the time spent gaming. This may need to be done in stages. It might help to think together about how to stop a gaming session. Strategies such as using a timer to remind them how long they’ve got left, use in-game timers to set a fixed play time, or agree the stopping point in a way that works for the game they’re playing – for example, stopping at the end of a particular level may be helpful;

It can be helpful to think about other activities that the young person can engage with to replace or fill the time they previously would have spent gaming. It will be important to acknowledge that other activities may not be as enjoyable, or be seen as important to do for the young person, so their motivation to do these may need regular encouragement;

Set family boundaries for time spent on technology such as TV/phones/ games consoles/ computer systems, etc. This could include cut off times for WIFI or use of technology.  Here is a useful tool to help you create your own family agreement: Family Agreement

There is more information and advice on the Big Deal Website (Gaming information, advice and support for young people).

There is more information on the Ask about Games Website.

If a young person is in crisis, they can call 116123 or text YM to 85258 (free to call or text 24hrs a day, 7 days a week)

Use coping techniques.  Here are some strategies to try:

An A-Z of coping strategies:  A-Z of Coping Strategies

How and when to use a coping box: Coping Box

Activity Scheduling: Activity Scheduling

Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Breathing Techniques: Breathing Techniques

Share concerns with your child’s school/college, and identify whether additional pastoral support is available.

Help and support may be available from your child’s school nursing team.  Information about how to contact your school nurse is available at: www.southernhealth.nhs.uk/services/childrens-services/school-nursing/

Seek advice, guidance and support from Young Minds Parent Helpline: 08088025544

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Lots of people like to play video or online games and can spend many hours gaming. For lots of people this is ok, and they are able to have other hobbies and interests, see friends, and still get on with their everyday lives. For others, this love of gaming can tip into being unhelpful, and impact…

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Kids play games. That's a good thing, right? Even adults need some time to relax and enjoy leisure activities that may include some sort of gaming. The problem is that some people are susceptible to gaming addiction in the same way others are susceptible to becoming dependent on alcohol. The fact of the matter is that gaming addiction is every bit as real as any other kind of addiction.

Society has thus far been slow to accept gaming addiction because we so often equate addiction with chemical substances. But when you compare the obsessive behaviours of compulsive gamers with the behaviours exhibited by drug and gambling addicts, quite a few similarities arise. Here at UKAT, we are not afraid to recognise gaming addiction for what it is.

Alternate World of Gaming

The internet has been a very good tool for worldwide culture since its commercial introduction back in the late 1980s and early 90s. But with everything good there is also the potential for bad. This is certainly true where online activity is concerned. Some estimates suggest that more than 46 million Britons of all ages may be addicted to internet use in some way, shape or form. Gaming and social media account for the lion's share of the problem.

The challenge with video games is that they offer players an opportunity to act out in ways that would never be acceptable in the real world. Players can take on alternate personalities that let them be who they want to be, at least in their virtual world, even though they could never be the people in real life. This capability is not a good thing for those who are easily obsessed.

According to experts, some of the most addictive online games are:

Fortnite Battle Royal

World of Warcraft

Battlefield

Farmville

Call of Duty

Minecraft

Angry Birds

Solitaire.

The worst kinds of games leading to addiction are those classified as massive multi-player online role-playing games (MMORPGs). Why? Because these entail a number of things that make total dedication to the game necessary if one wants to be successful. For example, these role-playing games involve an ongoing story that is never quite finished. The story evolves with every play, encouraging players to return time and again to keep the story going.

That said, even less intense games like Angry Birds and Solitaire can lead to gaming addiction by giving players something to do during their downtime.

Signs of Gaming Addiction

There are both physical and psychological signs that a person is suffering from gaming addiction. Some of these signs can also be caused by other kinds of stress, so it is important to look at the complete picture in order to determine whether someone has a gaming problem or not. The generally accepted signs of gaming addiction are as follows:

Unusual preoccupation with the idea of getting back online to play

Self-imposed isolation in order to guarantee uninterrupted play

Feelings of irritability and restlessness when not playing games

Lying about the amount of time spent gaming

Persistent headaches caused by too much screen time

Carpal tunnel syndrome caused by excessive use of gaming devices

Diminished personal hygiene and poor diet

Persistent fatigue due to lack of sleep.

If someone in your household is spending hours at a time in front of the computer or gaming console, this does not necessarily mean he or she is suffering from gaming addiction. But that amount of time coupled with the signs listed above indicates a problem. If there is any chance an addiction exists, early detection and treatment are always best.

Something in their lives has gone very wrong for them, they're almost putting a plaster on an open wound and whether that plaster is gaming 18 hours a day or whether that plaster is injecting heroine: the wound is still there. They will carry on doing that and re-applying the plaster until (they believe) that wound is healed. (Claire Havey )

Why Gaming Is so Addictive

Some addiction experts have suggested that playing certain games (like Fortnite) is more addictive to the gaming addict than cocaine or heroin is to the drug addict. This makes a lot of sense when you consider the reward mechanism attached to addiction.

Lorrine Marer - a British behavioural specialist had this to say (1):

This game is like heroin. Once you are hooked, it's hard to get unhooked. (Lorrine Marer )

A person addicted to heroin or cocaine enjoys a certain amount of pleasure every time he or she uses. That pleasure is a direct result of reward centres in the brain being activated. The same thing applies to gaming. What is different with gaming is that the rewards are more frequent and tangible. Where the drug act merely 'feels good' after taking drugs, the gamer enjoys additional rewards.

The gamer enjoys the adrenaline rush of completing certain tasks; he or she is challenged to move to the next level; the gamer is rewarded for beating opponents or defeating enemies. With gaming addiction, the rewards just keep piling up with every level completed. There is literally no end in sight.

Gaming Addiction Treatment

Treating gaming addiction is similar to treating other behavioural addictions like gambling, sex, and general internet addiction. It starts by diagnosing the seriousness of the situation based on observed signs and symptoms. From there, therapists devise bespoke treatment plans that are successful if followed to the letter.

Treatment is based on the following six principles:

Reducing the amount of time spent gaming

Teaching addicts to recognise their own addictive behaviour

Helping addicts understand what triggers compulsive gaming

Helping addicts understand the harm their addiction is causing

Teaching addicts strategies to prevent future compulsive behaviour

Teaching families how to help and support the gaming addict.

The goal in treating gaming addiction is to eventually arrive at a place of total abstinence. As we say in the arena of substance abuse and addiction, abstinence is the only real cure. We believe the same applies to gaming. Only when a person completely stops engaging in the activity that triggers the rewards of compulsive behaviour can he or she truly overcome the addiction.

The team here at UKAT is ready to help you with gaming addiction. Rest assured that we evaluate each client individually before recommending appropriate treatment facilities and programmes. We work with treatment providers all over the UK to provide our clients with the best hope of overcoming their addictions.

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Gaming addiction | Gaming addiction help

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Kids play games. That's a good thing, right? Even adults need some time to relax and enjoy leisure activities that may include some sort of gaming. The problem is that some people are susceptible to gaming addiction in the same way others are susceptible to becoming dependent on alcohol.

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What parents need to know about age-inappropriate content

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What parents need to know about age-inappropriate content

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What parents need to know about age-inappropriate content

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What parents need to know about smart devices

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What parents need to know about smart devices

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What parents need to know about smart devices

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Most games consoles have internet access, which means your child can go online and chat with other players or make in-game purchases. On many consoles there are parental controls which allow you to manage which features are available to your child. On some devices you can:

turn off chat functions to stop your child from talking to people they don't know

restrict games based on age

turn off in-game purchases, or set a limit.

Check the website for the console your child has for a parents section and details of features. Some games also allow you to change settings for that individual game.
PlayStation Family Management
On PlayStation consoles you can set up a Family Manager account which allows you to manage different accounts for different children/users. Within this you can manage a range of features, such as restricting communication with other players, restricting content, setting play time controls and set spending limits. See all the features available for PS4 and for PS5.

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If you're worried about what your child's searching for or seeing online, we can help you to set up parental controls and keep them safe.

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This collection contains curriculum-relevant videos, quizzes and games to help Year 1/2 and P2/3 students with:

These educational resources are hand-picked from BBC Bitesize and the wider BBC.

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This collection contains curriculum-relevant videos, quizzes and games to help Year 1/2 and P2/3 students with: These educational resources are hand-picked from BBC Bitesize and the wider BBC.

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These cartoons illustrate 5 online safety SMART rules and include a real life SMART Crew of young people, who guide the cartoon characters in their quest, and help them make safe online decisions.

The video below contains all chapters.

For

Type

Donate

Even a small donation can support the development of our online safety resources and help our Education Team to connect with more children and young people.
Donate

Co-financed by the Connecting Europe Facility of European Union

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The Adventures of Kara, Winston and the SMART Crew | Childnet

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5 fantastic cartoons to illustrate e-safety SMART rules for 7 to 11 year olds.

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Join in with Mummy Penguin's song and follow the adventures of Smartie the Penguin as he learns how to be safe on the internet.

We provide two versions of the story each for EYFS, Year 1 and Year 2.

The first version of story covers the following themes:

1. Pop ups and in app purchasing

2. Inappropriate websites for older children

3. Cyberbullying

The second version of the story covers the following themes:

1. Upsetting images

2. Unreliable information

3. Talking to strangers online

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Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust and Barnardos are working together to deliver the Healthy Child Programme throughout Hampshire. This website provides details for access to health visiting and school nursing services, workshops for healthy eating and support with post-natal depression.

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Make a change today! Discover healthy recipes, food swaps, nutritional advice, and top tips and activities to help the whole family stay healthy.

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About the service

Hampshire Healthy Families was launched in 2020 as a partnership between the Trust and Barnardos. The service is commissioned to support families, parents and carers of children aged from 0-19 years old and to deliver the Healthy Child Programme across Hampshire. This is done by providing access to Health Visitors and School Nurses as well as other services and regular courses to help support child development.

What we do

The Trust's Children and Family Services are split into specialist teams that focus on everything from vaccinations to healthy living advice. Take a look below for more information.

Health Visiting

Health visitors are all nurses or midwives who have completed additional training in public health, which includes child development. Health visitors lead the delivery of the Healthy Child Programme. This national programme consists of a series of developmental reviews, screening tests, vaccinations and information to support parents. Click here to find your local health visiting service.

You can also get support and advice from a Health Visitor by texting our ChatHealth service below.

School Age Immunisations

The School-Age Immunisation Service offers vaccinations to children (aged 4-16) across all Hampshire schools and children who are home educated. The team also work closely with teachers, school nurses and other health professionals to ensure young people receive their vaccinations at the right time. Visit the School Age Immunisations website for more information.

School Nursing

The School Nursing service works in partnership with children, young people and their families to ensure that pupil's health needs are supported within their school and their community. This includes those attending a school within Hampshire and those that are home educated (except Southampton and Portsmouth city schools).

Parents and young people can also get support and advice by texting our ChatHealth service below.

Family Nurse Partnership (FNP)

The Family Nurse Partnership (FNP) is a voluntary programme usually offered to first time young parents aged 19 or under.

We know from research that a healthy pregnancy gives babies the best possible start in life. The relationship parents have with their babies right from the start is crucial for their future health and happiness.

Our family nurses' will provide you with information and support you to make decisions which:

Increase your chances of a healthy pregnancy

Help manage labour

Improve your child's development

Build a positive relationship with your baby and others

Help you plan for the future

Enable you to make lifestyle choices that will give your child the best possible start in life

Enable you to achieve your aspirations (such as finding a job or returning to education)

Research also shows that parents who take part in this programme are more likely to achieve what they want for themselves and their children.
What's involved?
Your family nurse will visit you every one or two weeks from the start of pregnancy until your child is at least one year. Home visits usually last about an hour.

You will share different ideas at each visit with your family nurse and decide together what topics to talk about. Your family nurse will help you develop new skills and make plans for a healthy, happy future for you and your baby.
Contact the Family Nurse Partnership
Email: fnpshft@southernhealth.nhs.uk

Tel: 0300 003 0338

Child Health Information Services (CHIS)

CHIS are responsible for all child health information records for children across Hampshire. The team also help to deliver information to parents around the time their child needs to be vaccinated.

You can find out more about the age they are given and the vaccinations required on the Child Health Information Service website.

ChatHealth 0-5

ChatHealth 0-5
ChatHealth 0-5 is a text messaging service set up to support parents, carers and families of under 5's in Hampshire.

The service is run by local health visitors who have a wealth of experience of working with mums and dads-to-be, babies, toddlers and young children.

The Health Visiting Team are able to support with questions from parents, carers and families relating to a wide range of health and wellbeing issues including crying babies, infant feeding, starting baby on solid foods, sleep and behaviour problems. As well as giving advice, the team can signpost to appropriate services and other support.

How to use it: Text the dedicated number 07520 615720.

Chathealth 11-19

Chathealth 11-19
The ChatHealth text service is an easy way for young people 11-19 to confidentially ask for help with a range of issues. The service is manned by qualified school nurses who have a wealth of experience of working with young people.

ChatHealth allows young people in Hampshire to text messages to a dedicated number 07507 332160; the messages are then delivered to a secure website. Once received, the school nurse will respond to the text within one working day.

ChatHealth is available Monday to Friday from 9am-4.30pm (excluding bank holidays). Any young person who texts the service outside of these hours will receive an automated message with advice of where to get help if their question is urgent.

The School Nursing Team are able to support young people with questions relating to a wide range of health and wellbeing issues including self-harm, relationships, bullying, weight, anxiety, drugs, smoking, stress, body worries, alcohol and sexual health. As well as giving advice, the team can signpost to appropriate services and other support.

Young people are still able to request to see a School Nurse face to face in school or a community setting.

How to use the service: Text the dedicated number 07507 332160

ChatHealth for parents of children and young people in Hampshire aged 5-19.

ChatHealth offers a simple, convenient & confidential text messaging service for parents of children and young people in Hampshire aged 5-19.

The ChatHealth advisor team is made up of school nurses working within Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust. These nurses all have extensive experience of working with and supporting parents of children and young people.

ChatHealth allows parents in Hampshire to text messages to a dedicated number 07507 332417; the messages are then delivered to a secure website. Once received, the school nurse will respond to the text within one working day.

ChatHealth is available 9 am - 4.30 pm on Monday to Thursday and 9 am - 4 pm on Fridays (excluding bank holidays). Any parent who texts the service outside of these hours will receive an automated message with advice of where to get help if their question is urgent.

The Team are able to can support parents with questions relating to a wide range of health and wellbeing issues including healthy lifestyles, toileting, behaviour, sleep, emotional wellbeing and health conditions. As well as giving advice, the team can signpost to appropriate services and other support.

Parents are still able to request to see a School Nurse face to face in school or receive support via a telephone call (with exception of private schools).

Children in Care

The Children in Care service works in close partnership with children, young people, their carers and local authorities to ensure that children and young people's health needs are supported whilst they remain in care and as care leavers.

If you live in care and away from home, you may want to speak confidentially to someone about your worries. The Children in Care Team can listen and help you to get further help and support.

What does the service provide?

Health assessments

Health advice and information for Children in Care

Support for children in care to attend health appointments

The team can also arranage for referals into other services such as; Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), Sexual health clinics, GP services and stop smoking services .

If you would like to speak to the Children in Care team, please call them on 02382 310475 or email admin-childrenincare@southernhealth.nhs.uk.

If you would like to read more about our integrated health and wellbeing service at Swanwick Lodge Children's Home in Southampton, click here.

You can also read these documents: Promoting the wellbeing of looked after children and Looked after children: roles and competencies of healthcare staff.

How to find us

Children's Management Office, Tom Rudd Unit, Moorgreen Hospital, Botley Road, West End, Southampton, Hants, SO30 3JB

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Hampshire Healthy Families was launched in 2020 as a partnership between the Trust and Barnardos. The service is commissioned to support families, parents and carers of children aged from 0-19 years old and to deliver the Healthy Child Programme across Hampshire.

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If you have a concern about a physical health problem out of hours, speak to your GP. They will have their own out of hours arrangements to ensure you receive the care and treatment you need.You can also call 111 for out of hours help or get online help at: https://111.nhs.uk/

Urgent treatment centres (UTCs) are GP-led, open at least 12 hours a day, every day, and are equipped to diagnose and deal with many of the most common ailments people attend A&E for.

Call 999 in a medical emergency. This is when someone is seriously ill or injured and their life is at risk.

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If you have a concern about a physical health problem out of hours, speak to your GP.

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Supporting children through divorce or parental separation | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

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A child can't be forced to see the non-resident parent but if there's a court order in place, the resident parent must follow the agreed arrangements.

It's really important that you ask your child and explore what's bothering them before you think about stopping contact with a parent or another family member.

Both parents should work towards helping the child feel safe and happy in their care. A child's feelings are important but contact should be encouraged as long as it does not place them at harm.

If a young person doesn't feel their voice is being heard, they can contact an advocacy service such as NYAS, which helps young people in England and Wales express their wishes.

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Divorce and separation can be hard, but it's important that your child gets the right support. Know your rights and get advice on helping your child.

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Best children's books to help talk about divorce and separation

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Family break-ups are a sad and delicate time for everyone involved. Sometimes a book can help parents and carers explain the situation to children ...

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Only about half of the students graduating high school have parents who live together, and for at least half of those teenagers the breakdown of their family happened much earlier in childhood. Last week, I asked some 13-year-olds if deciding what to tell friends, and which friends to tell, was a problem. "Oh, no," said one, "because there are only two girls in my class whose parents are together." Parents who had a mild squabble in front of their kindergarten child were amazed when she asked if they were getting a divorce "like Jack's mom and dad."

The Details Matter
So the word is familiar but, of course, that doesn't mean it's understood. Even children who do actually know what divorce means can't have any idea what it might mean for themselves. That's where children's books about divorce can be helpful, but it's important to take care when choosing a book. Children, especially very young children, won't be able to apply a book's information to themselves if there are details that don't fit. They may even find it misleading. For example, in Claire Masurel writes: "At Mommy's house, Alex has a soft chair. At Daddy's house, Alex has a rocking chair. In each home, Alex also has a special bedroom and lots of friends . . . " Two Homes paints a warm and reassuring picture that tries to emphasize the positive aspects of having parents who live apart, but your child might feel that it has nothing to do with his or her own life experiences.

So if you want a book to familiarize your child with your separation or divorce, make sure you browse before you buy, keeping a careful eye on the kinds of details small children notice. What does your child call her family members, for instance? If she calls you Mama and Dad and Gran, and you all live in the city, a book about Mommy and Daddy and Grandma who live in the countryside isn't going to feel like a book that applies to her family.

Animals Can Be the Exception
There are books that manage to give information in a way that applies to every child. Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown is one of the Dino Life Guides. An A-Z for children ages 3 to 6, it's packed with information on everything from "Divorce Words and What They Mean" to custody and contact issues to "Meeting Parents' New Friends," and because the families in the book are dinosaurs, differences between the reading-child's and the book-child's family are blurred. This is probably the book about divorce that kids mentioned to me most often.

Help for Kids of Varying Ages
A book for preschoolers that really helps children to apply its words to their own situation isMy Family's Changing by Pat Thomas. Pat is a psychotherapist, and this picture book is designed to help very young children talk about their worries and fears when parents divorce. I especially recommend it for its sidebars that ask "What about you?," which allow child-readers pause to compare themselves and their feelings to the book-children.

When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos is one of the Let's Talk About It books and concentrates on assuring school-age children that they are in no way to blame for their parents' separation and that each parent will still love them even though they don't love each other anymore.

For older children - grade-schoolers and tweens - there's lots of direct information in a Q&A format in What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide for Kids by Kent Winchester and Roberta Beyer.

Don't Just Look for 'Divorce Books'
Stories, good stories in their own right, that just happen to be about children whose parents aren't together or who are in some other kind of stressful situation may be more fun for children to read or have read to them, and more useful as well. The more stories your child reads or hears that feel relatable, the less isolated in sadness and the more comfortable with emotion she will feel. These books don't have "Divorce" or even "Family" in their titles so you will have to select carefully, perhaps starting with authors you know or reviewers you trust. Two much-recommended examples areThe Huge Bag of Worries by Virginia Ironside and by Michael Morpurgo.

The Huge Bag of Worries tells the story of a little girl who finds herself staggering under the growing weight of her worries and anxieties about school. Everyone she would like to tell about her troubles is so busy with their own problems that she feels she shouldn't bother them. Eventually her grandmother notices her growing "bag of worries" and they work through her worries together. The child finds lots of different ways of coping with different worries, including sharing them.

Michael Morpurgo is one of my favorite storytellers, and if your child gets hooked on him there are lots of books to choose from. Cool! is about Robbie, a boy who is in a coma after being hit by a car that was about to run over his dog, Lucky. He is locked inside his own brain, able to hear but not to move or to speak. We are inside his head, and hear his thoughts about his mom, his sister, and why his parents are separated. Everyone tries to wake him up, but nobody can reach him until Dad breaks all hospital rules and brings Lucky in.

Don't Forget That Books Are for Fun
The fact that books can be really useful and comforting during the months of a family breakdown doesn't mean that every book your child reads or listens to has to have a connection to the real-life situation. Books are for fun, and for finding out, for exercising the imagination, and for escape. Don't let the tensions and stresses in the family influence what is read or deprive children of being read to. Books and reading are meant to be blissful.

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7 of the Best Children's Books About Divorce or Separation | Brightly

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Only about half of the students graduating high school have parents who live together, and for at least half of those teenagers the breakdown of their family happened much earlier in childhood. Last week, I asked some 13-year-olds if deciding what to tell friends, and which friends to tell, was a problem.

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Families are always changing and adapting but a separation or divorce can be an especially sad, stressful and very confusing time, particularly for children.

Children often feel like their world is being turned upside down and it can be incredibly stressful witnessing the change, experiencing the breakdown of the family unit and worrying about what happens next.

Books can help us all navigate our way through the good times and the bad and especially in circumstances such as these where it can be difficult to open up. The right book can offer support during these times, provide a focal point for discussion and encourage children to open up about their feelings.

In this special collection we have a selection of fantastic fiction that will help children to understand that not every family looks the same and that change can be positive. And engaging, informative non-fiction books to help support children who are experiencing the challenges that changing families, and particularly separation or divorce can bring.

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30 Kids Books about Changing Families, Separation and Divorce

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Families are always changing and adapting but a separation or divorce can be an especially sad, stressful and very confusing time, particularly for children. Children often feel like their world is being turned upside down and it can be incredibly stressful witnessing the change, experiencing the breakdown of the family unit and worrying about what happens next.

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Families come in all kinds of combinations but it can be a really upsetting, confusing and stressful time when relationships between family members break down. If there are disagreements or arguments, this can make home life really tough which can impact on how you feel, how you cope at school/college, and even whether you want to hang out with friends.

Lots of young people worry about their parents/carers and siblings during a separation, or when there are arguments. It can also be really hard if your parents separate and one of them meets a new partner. Some young people may have to move house or live with new people. Some young people may worry about how often they might see their family, or worry about how the family might cope. It is not uncommon that some young people worry if their parents have enough money. It's not uncommon for young people to worry about whether parents separating is their fault. It's important to remember there are many reasons why situations and relationships change, and blaming yourself will only make you feel worse.

When families experience a separation or a big change, it can take a while for all family members to understand, process and adjust to these changes. There is no right or wrong way to feel, think or behave; everyone processes change differently. Some days you may feel more able to cope than other days. It is important to be kind to yourself and be aware that some family members may struggle more than others with the changes.

If you are struggling to cope with life at home, please let someone know so that they can support you.

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Families come in all kinds of combinations but it can be a really upsetting, confusing and stressful time when relationships between family members break down. If there are disagreements or arguments, this can make home life really tough which can impact on how you feel, how you cope at school/college, and even whether you want to hang out with friends.

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What is anger?

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Three animated clouds are next to each other, the first cloud has lots of punching fists coming out if it with the words underneath highlighted in yellow: 'outward aggression'. The second cloud has marks on its cheeks, aiming punches towards itself with the words highlighted in yellow underneath 'inward aggression', the third cloud looks fed up and has thunderbolts around it, the words underneath highlighted in yellow read: 'passive aggression'.

Anger is one of a range of emotions that we all experience. It's ok and perfectly normal to feel angry about things that you have experienced.

Anger can start to become a problem when you express it through unhelpful or destructive behaviour - either towards yourself or other people. It can also contribute to you developing mental health problems, like depression and anxiety, or make existing problems worse.

If you find yourself doing these sorts of things, it might be a sign that you need some support:

hitting or physically hurting other people

shouting at people

breaking things

losing control

spending time with people who get you into trouble

constantly ending relationships or getting in trouble at school or work

Types of aggression

Do you often find yourself being aggressive towards other people?

Are you frightening or worrying yourself, or those around you with your behaviour?

Do you tell yourself that you hate yourself, that you're useless, that you don't deserve things?

Do you shut yourself off from the world, deny yourself things that make you happy or self-harm?

Do you behave passive-aggressively towards other people? Do you ignore people, refuse to speak to them, or are you often sarcastic or sulky?

Why do I feel angry?

Everyone feels angry sometimes - and we all have different triggers. You may experience anger in situations where you feel powerless, or frustrated. This could be because of problems at home or school, or if you've fallen out with a friend, or had a break-up with a partner. You might start to feel angry if you feel misunderstood by people around you, like your parents, or if you are confused about your sexuality.

But sometimes, you can feel angry and not know why. This could be the result of lots of stress and different pressures building up around you. Or it could be because of something that happened to you in the past, like neglect or abuse. Recognising the types of situations which trigger your anger is the first step to figuring out what is causing it, and finding a way to make things better.
What happened the last time you were angry? We asked several people what anger feels like for them, and how they manage it.

How can anger affect me?

When we get angry, it can be hard to think things through - especially if that anger seems overwhelming or uncontrollable. And if we feel angry a lot of the time - in other words, if we get into constant patterns of thinking angry thoughts about ourselves or others - it's hard to take a step back and communicate in a healthy and productive way.

We may tense up and clench our teeth. Our hearts might pump faster, our stomachs might churn, and we may clench our fists. These are useful early warning signs that we are getting wound up.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognise just how much anger you are feeling, and how it is affecting you. This might be because you have lots of things going on in your life.

After getting angry about something you might start to feel guilty about it, and this can make you feel worse.

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The same young person wearing a black t-shirt holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry.

1. First of all, take a breath
2. Exercise helps me get some built-up frustration out of my system

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The same young person wearing a grey jumper holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. I talk about how I am feeling
2. I try and recognise I'm angry and listen to others

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The same young person has long brown hair and wears a yellow jumper, they hold three signs which read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. Putting on my favourite music really helps
2. Doing an action that helps me feel something different, like walking my dog

Tips for managing your anger

Issues with anger can lead to risky behaviour, refusing to go to school, isolation, eating problems, depression, and self-harm.

Drinking too much alcohol or taking drugs might be seen as ways of coping with anger issues, but remember they will make you feel worse and are likely to create bigger problems later.

Over time, you'll learn to manage your anger better yourself. When you feel angry or stressed you can try out different relaxation techniques to help you calm down, such as:

going for a walk

listening to music

taking deep breaths

doing some exercise

doing something you enjoy - skateboarding, painting, swimming

talking to someone about how you are feeling

playing computer games to take your mind off it

reading a book

having a hot bath

If you have a problem with someone, think about what you want to say beforehand and how you want to get your point across. Listen to their point of view and calmly put yours across too.

If you feel your anger levels rising, walk away from a situation to calm down, rather than saying or doing something you might regret later. You can learn to manage your anger and find techniques that work for you.

Our Activists share their anger management tips:

Read real stories about dealing with anger

Getting help for anger

If you often feel angry there are things you can do to help yourself. Other people can help too.

Talk about how you are feeling. Parents or carers and other family members, such as grandparents, may be good listeners. Your close friends and other family friends may be able to help.

At school, find a teacher, mentor, counsellor or school nurse who you trust. In the community, social workers, youth workers and leaders will also be able to listen.

You can also see your GP. They may be able to suggest some treatment or recommend a counsellor.

Your GP may refer you to your child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS) where you would talk to a specialist about your feelings and behaviour. The specialist may advise you how to deal with these. They may also suggest counselling if there are problems or things that happened in the past that may be causing your anger issues now.

If counselling is your best option, the specialist arranges a series of confidential one-to-one sessions with a counsellor or therapist.

You can talk with them about concerns or problems you might have. The counsellor will help you work through your issues and give you skills and strategies to deal with your anger better. Find out more about what support you can get through counselling on our page.

If you are a parent or carer of a child or young person who has anger issues, take a look at our parents guide to anger advice page. We can also support you through our Parents Helpline. We are here to listen to you, and give you free, confidential advice and information.

Keep a note of how you're feeling:

What happened that made you angry?

How did you respond? Did it help?

How did you feel afterwards?

What else is on your mind? Is there something making you feel worried, scared or alone?

It helps to talk about how you're feeling. You could try saying:

"I've been feeling really wound up recently and I'm starting to think something might be wrong. Can I talk to you about it?"

"I want to talk to you about something that's been bothering me."

Here are some organisations and helpline services who can support you with what you're going through right now.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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What To Do If You Are Struggling With Anger

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We all feel angry sometimes, often for a good reason. But sometimes, we might be feeling angry a lot, or find it becomes uncontrollable or harmful.

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Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don't go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It's normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it's helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn't fully develop until we're in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours - towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you're going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we've got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

When I'm angry I feel a lot of self-hate and worthlessness. I also feel a build-up of energy.

What is anger like for young people?

Three clouds expressing different emotions. The first cloud is throwing punches outwardly (Outward aggression). The second cloud is throwing punches towards itself (Inward aggression). The third cloud is displaying a dull-like expression while surrounded by lightning bolts (Passive aggression).

If your child can't tell you in words, they will often use their behaviour to let you know how they're feeling. A young person who is feeling angry may:

be outwardly aggressive - acting aggressively towards other people, including shouting, hitting or breaking things

be inwardly aggressive - hurting themselves, for example by self-harming, or being very self-critical

be passively aggressive - withdrawing, ignoring people, being sarcastic or sulking

feel things in their body like a racing heart, feeling hot or tensing their muscles - for example clenching their fists

seem tense, unable to relax or easily irritated

find it difficult to concentrate.

An iceberg submerged in water, with the text 'When we seem angry or aggressive, there are often other feelings hidden under the surface'. The words Angry and Aggressive are displayed on the section of the iceberg above the water, and the words Worried, Hurt, Scared, Lonely, Stressed, Overwhelmed, Ashamed, Ignored, Sad are displayed on the iceberg below the water.

Underneath these behaviours, a young person who seems very angry may also be feeling things like fear, stress, sadness, hurt or worry - or might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school, at home or in another part of their life that they feel unable to talk about.

It can be helpful to remember that a person who's feeling angry a lot of the time probably isn't feeling very happy - and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. Supporting children and young people to put their feelings into words can help them to feel less overwhelming, making it less likely that they will need to act out.

For some young people, feeling more irritable or angrier than usual can be a sign that they are struggling with low mood, depression or anxiety - especially if it goes on for a long period of time without changing.

A young person describes what anger's like for them.

How can I respond to my child in the moment when they get angry?

How can I help my child manage angry feelings positively?

In a calm moment, try to explore what's making them angry, focusing on letting them talk and listening to what it's like for them. Trust your instincts about picking the right moment, and remember that you know your child better than most people.

You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation with your child.

It might help to text, write a letter, go for a walk together or do an activity while you're talking to help them relax. You could also try spending five or ten minutes checking in with them each evening to encourage them to open up.

Recognising the triggers and patterns that alert them to the fact that they're getting angry can help them to take action before it becomes overwhelming. Keeping a diary or journal may make it easier for both of you to think this through - and apps such as ThinkNinja (for 10-18-year-olds) and HeadSpace can help them to track their feelings. This video by Braive might also help you to understand how stress and overwhelming feelings can build up in a person's life.

Some young people will find relaxing techniques useful. This could be things like:

meditating

listening to music

colouring or drawing

taking deep breaths or doing a breathing technique

Teenagers might like to do this using a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Often, people who are feeling angry breathe in more than they breathe out - so a good trick is to focus on breathing out for a few counts longer than they breath in, which can help their body to relax.

Some young people will find active techniques useful. This could be things like:

punching a pillow

throwing a ball

ripping or screwing up newspaper

playing sport

running or going for a walk

Young people tell us it helps to:

think of the bigger picture: will this bother me in a year?

try and say why you're angry, and remember that time alone to calm yourself down is okay.

take some time to think about how your actions are affecting others, and try to remember people are usually trying to help you.

apologise if you have harmed someone - and if you have hurt yourself, apologise to yourself.

figure out why you reacted like that so you can recognise it next time before it's too late.

tell someone if they've made you angry, or talk to someone else about it.

remind yourself that the emotion is valid.

Our Parents Helpline team share advice on how to respond to anger.

Where can I find professional help?

It's a good idea to seek professional advice if:

your child's anger is consistently affecting their day-to-day life, wellbeing, mental health, relationships or experience at home or school - or the day-to-day life of your family.

you've tried strategies for at least four weeks and nothing seems to work, or their outbursts of anger feel unmanageable and last for a long time.

they are expressing their anger through destructive behaviours towards themselves or others - including self-harm or physically hurting other people.

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Your GP, your child's school and considering whether counselling or therapy might help are good places to start.

Your GP can discuss your concerns with you and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sometimes, challenging or aggressive behaviour can be a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty, such as autism or difficulties hearing or speaking, which your child may need specialist help with. If you think this could be the case, speak to your GP or your child's school to discuss whether they need a referral for an assessment.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help for your child.

If your child becomes so angry that they are being verbally or physically aggressive and you feel unsafe, it's important that you reach out for help.

In these situations:

If it is safe for you and your child, remove yourself and any other family members from the situation.

If it's not safe to do so, and you feel that you or anyone else are at immediate risk of harm, warn your child that if the aggression does not stop you will contact the police.

Follow through if they do not stop. Call 999 if there is a danger to life or violence is being used or threatened. Call 101 if you want to discuss the situation with your local police officer.

Calling the police to intervene in a situation that involves your child is an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to have to do. However, this may be the only course of action if your safety, or the safety of other family members, is in question. You might feel worried about getting your child into trouble, but they won't automatically get a criminal record and it's important to put your safety first. The police can be supportive about responding to mental health issues and may be able to advise you about next steps.

Looking after yourself as a parent

As a parent or carer, we often put our children first, no matter how old they are - but it's so important that you remember to look after yourself too. If you have ever flown on a plane you may remember the flight attendant saying that in times of difficulty you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - and the same applies here.

If your child is acting out, remember that it can be because they see you as a safe person who they can express their feelings with, trusting that you will love them no matter what - and that it isn't necessarily about you.

Use the family and friends around you - whether it's for a catch-up or having someone to watch the kids so you can have a break.

These are some things that can help you take care of yourself:

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in April 2021. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with anger. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

If you need non-urgent information and advice about your child's mental health, you can use our Parents Helpline.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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If you need support to respond to your child's anger or aggression, read our tips on how to respond and where to seek further help.

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Anger is normal. But it can get out of hand. Here are some tips for calming down and taking control of your anger.

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Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It can tell children when things are not fair or right.
But anger can become a problem if a child's angry behaviour becomes out of control or aggressive.

Why is your child so angry?

There are lots of reasons why your child may seem more angry than other children, including:

seeing other family members arguing or being angry with each other

friendship problems

being bullied - Anti-Bullying Alliance has information on bullying

struggling with schoolwork or exams

feeling very stressed, anxious or fearful about something

coping with hormone changes during puberty

It may not be obvious to you or your child why they're feeling angry. If that's the case, it's important to help them work out what might be causing their anger.

Read talking to your child about feelings.

Tackle anger together

Team up with your child to help them deal with their anger. This way, you let your child know that the anger is the problem, not them.

With younger children, this can be fun and creative. Give anger a name and try drawing it - for example, anger can be a volcano that eventually explodes.

How you respond to anger can influence how your child responds to anger. Making it something you tackle together can help you both.

Help your child spot the signs of anger

Being able to spot the signs of anger early can help your child make more positive decisions about how to handle it.

Talk about what your child feels when they start to get angry. For example, they may notice that:

their heart beats faster

their muscles tense

they clench their teeth

they make a fist

their stomach churns

Anger tips for your child

Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. Talk about helpful strategies for managing anger.

You could encourage your child to:

count to 10

walk away from the situation

breathe slowly and deeply

clench and unclench their fists to ease tension

talk to a trusted person

go to a private place to calm down

If you see the early signs of anger in your child, say so. This gives them the chance to try their strategies.

Encourage regular active play and exercise

Staying active can be a way to reduce or stop feelings of anger. It can also be a way to improve feelings of stress, anxiety or depression.

For older children or young people, this could be simple activities, such as:

a short walk

jogging or running

cycling

Read more about physical activity for children and young people.

Be positive

Positive feedback is important. Praise your child's efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small.

This will build your child's confidence in their ability to manage their anger. It will also help them feel that you're both learning together.

When to get help for anger in children

If you're concerned your child's anger is harmful to them or people around them, you could talk to a:

If necessary, a GP may refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health services for specialist help.

CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their emotional or behavioural wellbeing.

You may also be able to refer your child yourself without seeing a GP.

Read more about where to get mental health support.

Further help and support for anger in children

For more support with anger in children, you could phone the YoungMinds parents' helpline free on 0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday).

Other sources of help and support include:

If you have older children, find out more about talking to teenagers and coping with your teenager.
The Health for Teens website also has more about anger management

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Advice on how to help your child deal with anger in a positive way.

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You must make sure your child gets a full-time education that meets their needs (for example if they have special educational needs). You can send your child to school or educate them yourself.

Children must get an education between the school term after their 5th birthday and the last Friday in June in the school year they turn 16.

You'll be contacted by either:

the school - if your child is enrolled in school and does not turn up (even if they're only absent for a day)

the council's education welfare officer - if they think your child is not getting a suitable education at home

You can be prosecuted if you do not give your child an education. You'll normally get warnings and offers of help from the local council first.

You can get education and attendance information from your council.

When your child can miss school

You can only allow your child to miss school if either:

they're too ill to go in

you've got advance permission from the school

Holidays in term time

You have to get permission from the head teacher if you want to take your child out of school during term time.

You can only do this if:

you make an application to the head teacher in advance (as a parent the child normally lives with)

there are exceptional circumstances

It's up to the head teacher how many days your child can be away from school if leave is granted.

You can be fined for taking your child on holiday during term time without the school's permission.

School trips

Your child's school can ask you for a voluntary contribution to the cost of activities like school trips. They cannot stop your child from attending if you do not pay, but they should cancel the activity if there is not enough money to cover the cost of it.

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You can be prosecuted if your child has unauthorised absence from school - truancy, help with getting your child to school, and legal action to enforce school attendance

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Parental attitude has a key influence on a child's school attendance and parents/carers can do much to encourage even reluctant pupils to attend.

Good school attendance habits are best started early. Children learn from those around them and you as parents/carers set the standards and expectations for your child. Showing your child the importance of attending school every day not only helps your child to settle quickly when starting school but helps them to keep and maintain friendships and enjoy the school environment.

Be organised, have a plan, be consistent and involve your child.

You should:

create good routines for mornings at home so that your child can arrive punctually and they are properly equipped; this will also mean your mornings can start calmly too

make time to encourage and show interest. Chat to them about the things they have learnt, what friends they have made and even what they had for lunch! Remember children can be tired when coming out of school, so a short chat over a snack or later that evening may produce a better result than a long list of questions

read all school communications. A home/school diary can help with communication only when all parties use it as intended

attend school open evenings and functions

check your child understands the homework and that it has been completed. Support them in completing homework by creating a calm space for them to work in and set specific times during the week when homework should be done

share any education concerns your child or you may have with the appropriate member of school staff

set realistic boundaries and sanctions (do not impose boundaries that neither your child nor you will be able to keep, eg grounding a child for a month will not work, short periods will have much more effect)

avoid absence from school wherever possible – try to make doctors and dental appointments out of school hours. Absence means your child will miss out on the academic studies and will also learn that education is not the main priority within the family. This can have a lifelong effect

Your responsibilities as a parent

By law, all children of compulsory school age (normally five to 16) must receive a suitable full-time education. As a parent, you have a legal responsibility to make sure this happens – either by registering your child at a school or by making other arrangements to give them a suitable, full-time education. Once your child is registered at a school, you are legally responsible for making sure they attend regularly. This means your child should not have sessions of unauthorised absence.

Section 576 of the Education Act 1996 defines parent as:

all natural parents, whether they are married or not

any person who, although not a natural parent, has parental responsibility for a child or young person

any person who, although not a natural parent, has care of a child or young person

Having care of a child or young person means that a person with whom the child lives and who looks after the child, irrespective of what their relationship is with the child, is considered to be a parent in education law.

Recording your child’s attendance

Schools must take an attendance register twice a day, which is a legal document that is kept for five years. Any absences will be recorded with a specific code depending on the type of absence. Absences fall into two main categories:

authorised – those which schools can give you permission for

unauthorised – those which they will not

Examples of absences which the school is unlikely to authorise can include:

sickness of a parent, or other family member

inadequate clothing for school

child being used as a carer

problems with transport

non-urgent medical treatment

school refusal or truancy

days off for birthdays, shopping trips

family holiday since new regulations came in September 2013

If your child needs a leave of absence you must ask for permission in advance. The headteacher can only approve the absence if he/she views them to be exceptional reasons. The headteacher also decides on the number of days to authorise or unauthorise. You can request a leave of absence form from your school.

What do I do if my child is unwell?

Most schools will have an attendance policy which is aligned to the expectations and guidance of Hampshire local authority, including the specific procedures a parent/carer should follow in the event of their child needing to be absent from school. Parents/carers are advised to refer to the school’s own procedures alongside this guidance.

As a parent/carer you should notify the school on the first day your child is unable to attend due to illness. Generally this is done by telephone and many schools now have an answerphone facility specifically for this purpose. Schools should authorise absences, unless in very rare cases when they have cause for concern about the genuineness of an illness. If this is in doubt, schools can request that medical evidence is provided, such as a prescription or an appointment card; a note from a doctor may not be necessary. Schools can record the absence as unauthorised if they are not satisfied that the illness is genuine but should advise parents/carers if they intend to do so.

You should let the school know:

the nature of the illness (although you may wish to talk confidentially about this)

whether your child has seen their GP, or whether an appointment has been made for some other specialist service

how long you expect your child to be absent from school

the prognosis for the child’s recovery

For absences that are expected to last up to 15 school days and that are not part of a pattern of a recurring illness, the parents/carers should discuss with the school whether they are willing to organise for work and homework to be set as soon as the child is able to cope with it. The school should also agree with you how completed work will be collected, marked and returned.

Longer absence through illness, injury or medical condition

If absence is long-term or repeated, schools may request proof that your child is genuinely unwell and unable to attend school as this is a key part of their safeguarding duties. Keep copies of any appointment letters or medical reports.

If your child:

has a long term or chronic condition, and is expected to be absent from school for a longer period

has intermittent attendance due to an illness (such as epilepsy or sickle cell anaemia)

is going to be absent from school for a period of therapy or surgery

The school may want to draw up a support plan with you, and consider whether to refer your child to our specialist services.

Education for pupils who are unable to attend school because of medical needs can be provided for in the following ways:

children who are in-patients of most hospitals will be taught through the in hospital teaching service

children who are not in-patients, may receive home tutoring organised via the Education Inclusion Support Service and a local education centre

Children who are admitted to NHS hospitals (including psychiatric units) in other areas will receive education through local hospitals, schools or an education centre.

For further information/ enquiries, contact:

Jonathan Willcocks
Inclusion Support Service Manager
Inclusion Support Service, 1st Floor, Elizabeth II Court North, The Castle, Winchester, Hampshire SO23 8UG.
Phone 01962 876263

Why is high attendance important to my child's education?

As a parent/carer you want the best for your children. Having a good education is an important factor in opening up more opportunities in adult life. Did you know that:

a child who is absent a day of school per week misses an equivalent of two years of their school life

90% of young people with absence rates below 85% fail to achieve five or more good grades of GCSE and around one third achieve no GCSEs at all

poor examination results limit young people’s options and poor attendance suggests to colleges and employers that these students are unreliable

poor school attendance is also closely associated with crime a quarter of school age offenders have truanted repeatedly

at least 1 million children take at least one half day off a year without permission

7.5 million school days are missed each year through unauthorised absence

GCSEs may seem a long way off for you and your child but all absence at any stage leads to gaps in your child’s learning. This in turn can:

mean that they fall behind in work

affect their motivation

affect their enjoyment of learning

lead to poor behaviour

affect their desire to attend school regularly affect their confidence in school

mean they miss out on the social life of school and extra curricular opportunities and experiences

affect their ability to have or keep friendships

Family holidays and school holidays

Children have 13 weeks annual holiday from school and school holiday dates are published well in advance online. As such, all parents/carers are expected wherever possible to plan and take their family holidays at this time so as not to disrupt their children’s education. Education law states that parents do not have a right to take their child out of school for a holiday during term time. Only in exceptional circumstances may a headteacher grant permission for leave; and it is the headteachers decision on whether the absence is exceptional and how many days to approve.

Parents/carers who take their child out of school without the absence being agreed and authorised by written permission from the school can be issued with a penalty fine.

Possible penalties for non-attendance

Once you have registered your child at a school it is your responsibility to make sure that she/he attends regularly and punctually. If you fail to do so the Local Authority has a statutory duty to consider legal action to enforce school attendance.

There are a number of legal measures that the Local Authority can pursue, these include:

being issued a voluntary parenting contract

being included in the fast track system which means you will be given 12 weeks to improve your child's attendance

receiving a penalty notice. This is a fine of £60 per parent/carer for periods of unauthorised absence such as truancy, holidays in term time, lateness, unauthorised absence during formal exams, schools assessment or testing or poor patterns of attendance/punctuality

being prosecuted in the Magistrates’ Court. This means you could receive a community order, a fine of up to £2,500 per parent/carer or a custodial sentence
your child being issued with an education supervision order. This is an order where the child attends court and certain measures are put in place regarding attendance at school

Penalty Notices (fines) for non-attendance at school

A Penalty Notice is a fine which may be issued as an alternative to prosecution. If it is paid it does not require a court appearance and does not result in a criminal record.

Section 444A of the Act gives powers to the local authority, and headteachers to issue Penalty Notices in circumstances where it is believed that a person has committed an offence under Section 444(1); that is, where a child fails to attend regularly at their registered school.

Who can be issued with a Penalty Notice

Where absence warrants the issuing of a Penalty Notice, anyone with Parental Responsibility, or having day to day care of the child can be issued with one Penalty Notice for each of the children with unauthorised absence.  If two parents have two children this may result in four Penalty Notices, 2 Penalty Notices per parent.

Further unauthorised absence from school

If you pay the Penalty Notice and your child has further unauthorised absences additional legal action may be taken. For example, in the event that a Penalty Notice has previously been served to you due to unauthorised holiday, should your child have any future unauthorised leave this may result in further legal action for you, such as prosecution or an Education Supervision Order.

Circumstances when a Penalty Notice are issued

As set down by the Department for Education, Penalty Notices can be issued for unauthorised absence. In Hampshire, Penalty Notices are issued when a pupil has had 10 or more half-day sessions (equivalent to five school days) of unauthorised absence, in the last 10 school week period.

Unauthorised absence is absence not approved by the school and will be coded on your child’s attendance record as one of the following:

O: unauthorised absence
U:  late after close of registration
G: non-approved leave of absence (holiday).
Persistent Lateness (L) code which reaches the threshold may result in the issuing of a Penalty Notice.

How a Penalty Notice is issued and amount of the fine

Penalty Notices are either posted to your home or delivered to you by hand. Each Penalty Notice fine is £60 and should be made within 21 days of ’deemed service’ (2nd working day after postmark on the envelope and receipt of posting).  If paid after 21 days but within 28 days the Penalty is £120.

Written warning

If your child has an ongoing pattern of unauthorised absence then you will normally receive a written warning of the possibility of a Penalty Notice being issued. This warning will advise you about the extent of your child’s absence and warn you that if your child’s attendance does not show a significant improvement and if this improvement is not maintained thereafter, a Penalty Notice may be issued without further warning.
Further support, advice and guidance is available from the Department for Education.

No appeal process

There is no statutory right of appeal. Once a Penalty Notice has been issued, it can only be withdrawn if it can be shown that it was issued in error.

Guidance document for parents

Download the guidance leaflet for parents and carers. The leaflet is set up to be printed and folded. If you only view it on screen scroll down and start reading at "Penalty Notices and the Education Act 1996".

Further information about the Legal Intervention Team (LIT)

Guidance document for schools

Download Code of Conduct: issuing Penalty Notices for unauthorised absence from school

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Behaviour and attendance guidance for parents/carers

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Parental attitude has a key influence on a child’s school attendance and parents/carers can do much to encourage even reluctant pupils to attend.

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The next school holiday is Summer holiday

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School year 2021 to 2022 - Please note a change of dates for extra Bank Holiday

School year 2022 to 2023

Autumn term

Thursday

1

September

2022

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Autumn half-term holiday

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Spring half-term holiday

to

Summer half-term holiday

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School year 2023 to 2024

Autumn half-term holiday

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Spring half-term holiday

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Summer half-term holiday

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These dates relate to Hampshire Community and Controlled schools only. Usually Voluntary Aided & Foundation schools also subscribe to these dates.

Every effort is made to ensure that these dates are accurate. There are occasions when circumstances beyond our control may result in changes.

Please note date changes for 2021/22: The bank holiday on Monday 30 May 2022 has moved to Thursday 2 June 2022. An additional bank holiday is on Friday 3 June 2022, for the Queen's Platinum Jubilee. The 2022 summer holiday now starts earlier, on Friday 22 July. See the school year calendar for details.

Five days are available for professional day closures (including inset days) during term time. These are specified by the headteacher and governors of each school. Please check with your school for further details.

It has now been agreed and confirmed that 1 September 2023 is the start date for the Autumn Term 2023/24.

Please also note that the first day of the Autumn Term in September 2024 will not be determined until the 2024/25 timetable has been consulted upon and approved in January 2024

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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Provides evidenced based parenting programmes for parents and carers who have children aged 5-17 who:
1. Have a diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC)
2. Have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
3. Are experiencing mild-moderate conduct disorder
4. Have behaviour that challenges
5. Are teenagers displaying anti-social behaviour including child to parent violence

We offer the following programmes with wrap-around support:
Cygnet (for ASC) Core programme, with additional supporting siblings and puberty, sexual health and relationships modules
The Parent Factor for ADHD
Family Links The Nurture Programme
Teen Positive Parenting Programme
Talking Teens

Parents and carers can self enrol on to a parenting programme or can be referred by a health, education or early help professional.

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Hampshire Specialist Parenting Support Service

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Provides evidenced based parenting programmes for parents and carers who have children aged 5-17 who: 1. Have a diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC) 2. Have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) 3. Are experiencing mild-moderate conduct disorder 4. Have behaviour that challenges 5.

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Welcome to the Hampshire and Isle of Wight Virtual School and College Moodle site. This site contains learning material, webinars and resources to support schools, foster carers and social workers when supporting care experienced children and young people with their education.

Our site is designed to be accessible for new and existing designated teachers, foster carers and social workers. It works on a variety of platforms from smart phones to desktops. The resources and courses will: help to continually improve and reflect on provision and outcomes for care experienced children and enable us all to fulfil our corporate parenting Duties and our Statutory Guidance. Users will be able to access some open resources and will need to be registered to courses they sign up for via the Learning Zone to access online materials associated with specific courses. If you experience any difficulties logging on to the site email vsmoodle@hants.gov.uk

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Our site is designed to be accessible for new and existing designated teachers, foster carers and social workers. It works on a variety of platforms from smart phones to desktops. The resources and courses will: help to continually improve and reflect on provision and outcomes for care experienced children and enable us all to fulfil our corporate parenting Duties and our Statutory Guidance.

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Information from Hampshire County Council

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Information from Hampshire County Council

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Skip to the content

Community and mental health services for Southampton, Portsmouth and parts of Hampshire and the Isle of Wight.

Related links

Children in Care carry out a full health assessment on all children entering the care system. The service identifies any unmet physical, mental, emotional or sexual health needs in the child or young person and refers to the appropriate services. Children in Care provide ongoing support to social workers, foster carers and residential staff.

Coronavirus (COVID-19)

See the latest information and guidance on Coronavirus, read our important visitor guidance and access a range of health and wellbeing resources here.

Referral criteria

Children placed at home under care orders. Care leavers; Children with a care plan for adoption; Children in foster care and residential provision; All infants, children and young people who become looked after by Southampton local authority up to the age of 18 years or 19 years where there are severe learning disabilities. This will include:

Children in foster care and residential provision;

Children with a care plan for adoption;

Care leavers;

Children placed at home under care orders.

Initial referral is made by Social Services on entry to the care system.
Once the child is in care, referrals can be made by the young person, foster carers, residential staff, health professionals and/or education.

We can accept referrals for children or young people placed in Southampton by other authorities, provided funding is agreed in advance by the requesting health team.

Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS)

Please visit our services page for specific services and contact details. Alternatively, contact our Patient Advice and Liaison Service by emailing or calling the number below. You can also give us feedback, make a complaint or share a compliment.
pals@solent.nhs.uk
0800 013 2319

*Lines are open Monday to Friday 8.30am to 5pm

The Freedom of Information (FOI) Act was passed on 30 November 2000. It gives a general right of access to all types of recorded information held by public authorities, with full access granted in January 2005.

The Act sets out exemptions to that right and places certain obligations on public authorities.

Email: InformationGovernanceTeam@solent.nhs.uk

Phone: 0300 123 3919

*Subject to any exemptions which apply, we are obliged to provide the information requested please note that requests for Personal Information is not covered under this Act and should be applied for through the Data Protection Act 1998.

Our administrative and managerial centre is based in Southampton.

While our services can be found around various NHS locations in Southampton and Portsmouth (and surrounding districts), our administrative and managerial centre is based in Southampton at:

If you require a printable version of how to find us including bus times, car access and bike info please download our leaflet. (Copyright of Highpoint Venue).

Central office phone: 0300 123 3390

*Lines open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

If you are a journalist with a media enquiry, please contact the Communications Team at:
communications@solent.nhs.uk
0300 123 4156 or 02381 031076

The Communications Office is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

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Skip to the content Community and mental health services for Southampton, Portsmouth and parts of Hampshire and the Isle of Wight. Related links Children in Care carry out a full health assessment on all children entering the care system.

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Facts and statistics about the care system

Children and young people are taken into the care of the local authority when they cannot remain at home.

This is either because it is unsafe for them to be there, or because their parents are unable to look after them.

Some of the most common reasons for a child or young person being taken into care include abuse, neglect, family breakdown or a parent or child's illness or disability. Looked after children may be either 'accommodated' by the local authority (at the request of or in the absence of their birth parents) or subject to a Care Order made by the Family Courts. For some children and young people, being taken away from the home where they have been unsafe will be a relief. For others, being separated from their parents and/or siblings will be extremely distressing.

Whatever a child or young person has dealt with beforehand, being taken into care is itself traumatic. Many young people come through the care system and flourish. Many - though by no means all - have loving, dedicated foster carers or residential workers, and encounter social workers who go the extra mile to fight for the opportunities and support that make all the difference to a child in care. But for too many children and young people, they don't get the stability, love and support they need to heal and thrive. Our vision is that children who spend time in care have equal chances to lead a happy and fulfilling life to those who are raised in their birth families.

108,175: the number of children in care in the UK in 2020-21.

A quarter of children in care are aged 16 or 17.

7 in 10 experience a placement, school or social worker change in a year.

Could you help us be there?

Every pound you give will help to fund our campaigning and direct services for young people in care and young care leavers.

You'll ensure there's someone at the end of the phone when a young person calls for help and that the voices of care-experienced young people are amplified to bring about the change they want to see so no young person has to navigate the system alone.

As of 31st March 2021, there were:

And as of 31 July 2020, there were 16,530 children in care in Scotland .

More than 6 in 10 children in care are aged 10 to 17.

In England at 31 March 2021, figures showed that :

5% were aged under 1 year

14% were aged 1 to 4 years

19% were aged 5 to 9 years

39% were aged 10 to 15 years

23% were aged 16 years and over.

7 in 10 children in care live with foster carers.
In England at 31 March 2021, figures showed that :

71% of children in care lived in foster care.

3% of children in care were placed for adoption.

14% of children in care lived in secure units, children's homes and semi-independent living accommodation.

2% of children in care lived in the community, living independently, or in residential employment.

7% of children in care were placed with their parent(s). This may be because the parent(s) have consented to their child receiving care from the local authority, under an arrangement known as voluntary accommodation.

1 in 11 children in care have three or more placements in a year.

In England at 31 March 2021, figures showed that :

1 in 11 children had three or more placements in the twelve months to 31 March 2021.

7 in 10 children had one placement in the same period.

Over 10,000 young people aged each year transition from being 'in care' to being a 'care leaver', normally at age 18.

In England at 31 March 2021, figures showed that :
Please note: The source material for this data rounds percentages to the nearest whole number. This means that the total figure may not always add up to 100. The Covid-19 pandemic also significantly impacted year-on-year trends in the care system.

2,870 children in care left the care system because they were adopted and 3,800 left through a Special Guardianship Order being made.

16% of children in care left the care system because they returned to live with parents or relatives with parental responsibility as part of the care planning process.

13,350 young people left the care system for whatever reason aged 16 or 17 in 2021.

39% of young people who left the care system for whatever reason in 2021 'aged out' of care on their 18th birthday.

There is a contrast between how the state looks after young people and how other parents do. Young people who grow up in care are expected to live independently at a much younger age than their peers. And once they have left care, they are not necessarily able to rely on the support of their former carers in the same way that other young people are able to turn to their parents if they need a bit of extra support. ONS data shows that the average age for young people to leave the parental home is nearly 25 .

Seven : the number of corporate parenting principles set out in the Children and Social Work Act

Removing a child from their parents is the most extreme intervention the state can make in family life. Once a child or young person is in care, responsibility for their wellbeing falls to their 'corporate parents': this refers to everyone who is elected to, or employed by, a local authority, and their partner agencies, who all share a collective responsibility to the children looked after by that local authority.

There are seven corporate parenting principles set out in the Children and Social Work Act 2017. These state that corporate parents must:
1) act in the best interests of and promote the health and wellbeing of children and young people in care 2) encourage children and young people in care to express their views, wishes and feelings 3) take into account the views, wishes and feelings of children and young people in care 4) help children and young people in care to access the full range of services provided by the local authority and partners 5) promote high aspirations, and secure the best outcomes, for children and young people in care 6) ensure the safety of children and young people and provide stability in their home lives, relationships and education 7) prepare children and young people for adulthood and independent living

Become's work to improve the care system

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Your browser is no longer supported. Please upgrade your browser to improve your experience. Facts and statistics about the care system Children and young people are taken into the care of the local authority when they cannot remain at home.

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Introduction

A child who has been in the care of their local authority for more than 24 hours is known as a looked after child.

Looked after children are also often referred to as children in care, a term which many children and young people prefer.
> Find out more about language and children in care in our Why language matters blog
There are many thousands of children in care in the UK and the overall numbers have been increasing over the past decade.
> Read our Children in care: statistics briefing to find out more about the range of data available
Many children in care have experienced abuse, neglect or other forms of trauma.

It's important that children in care are provided with the care and support they need to be healthy and safe, have the same opportunities as their peers and move successfully into adulthood.

Types of care

Each UK nation has a slightly different definition of a looked after child and follows its own legislation, policy and guidance. But in general, looked after children are:

living with foster parents/carers

living with friends or relatives, through kinship foster care

living in a residential children's home

living in residential settings like schools, secure units or semi-independent living accommodation.

Scotland's definition also includes children under a supervision requirement order. This means that many of the looked after children in Scotland are still living at home, but with regular contact from social services.

A child stops being 'looked after' when they are adopted, return home or turn 18. However local authorities in all the nations of the UK are required to support children leaving care at 18 until they are at least 21. This may involve them continuing to live with their foster family.

Not all children in the care of someone other than their parents have 'looked after' status. For example, they may be in private kinship care or cared for under a special guardianship order.

Private kinship care is an arrangement made directly between the parent(s) and the relative, friend or connected person, without the involvement of the local authority.

Special guardianship is when a local authority places a child or young person to live with someone other than their parent(s) on a long-term basis. It aims to provide more security than long-term fostering for children where adoption is not the best option. Special guardianship orders are not available in Scotland.

Reasons children are in care

There are a variety of reasons why children and young people enter care.

Children's services may have intervened because they felt the child was at significant risk of harm. If this is the case the child is usually the subject of a court-made legal order.

The child's parents might have agreed to this - for example, if they are too unwell to look after their child or if their child has a disability and needs respite care.

The child could have been lost, abandoned or there may be no one with parental responsibility available to care for them; as is the case for unaccompanied asylum-seeking children.

The child may have been charged with a criminal offence and temporarily placed on remand in the care of the local authority.

Impact of being a child in care

Children in care come from a range of different backgrounds and have varied experiences of care. Each child has their own different and specific sets of needs. However, research can give us an insight into how their experiences before and during care makes them a particularly vulnerable group of young people.
> Find out what data is available about looked after children in our statistics briefing
Previous experiences of abuse and other forms of trauma

Many children who enter care have been abused, neglected or experienced other forms of trauma. For example, unaccompanied asylum-seeking children have often experienced trauma in their home country or during their journey to the UK.

These experiences can leave children with complex emotional and mental health needs, which can increase their vulnerability to abuse.,

Separation and estrangement from family and friends

Relationships between family members including siblings are among many children's most enduring and significant relationships. However, contact with the care system can lead to separation and estrangement from siblings for many children., ,

Events such as moving to a new home, new area or new school can also significantly disrupt friendships and other support networks.

"I moved schools when I went into foster care, and I don't fit in at all. I've got no friends, no one will sit with me in lessons. I just spend lunchtime in the toilets crying. I don't feel like I can tell my foster carers how depressed I'm feeling, I don't want to mess this up."
Childline counselling session with a girl aged 16
Placement unsuitability and instability

There is a lack of suitable homes available for children in care. This means children sometimes end up staying in placements which are unable to meet all their needs.

Many children move repeatedly in and out of care, or between placements. Placement breakdowns can have a detrimental impact on a child's emotional wellbeing and mental health. It can also prevent them forming stable relationships with the adults who could help protect them.

Peer violence and abuse

Many children in care have previous experiences of violence, abuse or neglect. This can lead to them displaying challenging behaviour and having problems forming secure relationships. Some find it hard to develop positive peer relationships. The care system can struggle to provide effective management and interventions to address these problems.

Going missing

Children may run away from care for all sorts of reasons. These include:

wanting to return home to their family

being unhappy or bored in their care placement

feeling like they didn't have enough control over their own lives.

"I'm struggling to deal with my mum not turning up to meet-ups. Each time it happens I feel convinced I'll never see my family again. I end up having panic attacks and running away from placement to cope. Then I get punished for running. My social worker is understanding but I need better ways to cope."

Childline counselling session with a boy aged 13
Children who go missing from care are at greater risk of physical abuse, grooming and sexual exploitation.
> Find out more about protecting children from trafficking and modern slavery
Children can also go missing from care as a consequence of exploitation. Evidence suggests young people living in children's homes are sometimes specifically targeted for exploitation; and children who have been trafficked into the UK often go missing within days or weeks of being taken into care due to the ongoing power their traffickers hold over them.

Comparisons with other groups of children

Research suggests that when children in care are compared with children who have not been in care, they tend to have poorer outcomes in a number of areas such as educational attainment and mental and physical health.
> Read our briefing on what data and statistics are available about children in care
However, this is not necessarily the case when they are compared with other groups of children who are likely to have had similar experiences, such as children in need. One study, which analysed Government data, found that looked after children who were continuously in care in England had better educational attainment than children in need.

References

Demazure, G., Baeyens, C. and Pinsault, N. (2021) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) Luke, N. et al. (2014) Independent Care Review (2020) Jones, C. and Henderson, G. (2017) Jones, C., Henderson, G. and Woods, R. (2019) Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) (2022) Rahilly, T. and Hendry, E. (eds) (2014) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) All Party Parliamentary Group for Runaway and Missing Children and Adults and All Party Parliamentary Group for Looked after Children and Care Leavers (2012) Rahilly, T. and Hendry, E. (eds) (2014) Sebba, J. et al (2015) Review: unaccompanied refugee minors' perception of mental health services and professionals: a systematic review of qualitative studies. London: Child and Adolescent Mental Health.
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.
What works in preventing and treating poor mental health in looked after children? London: NSPCC.
The Promise. [Accessed 17/10/2023].
Supporting sibling relationships of children in permanent fostering and adoptive families. Glasgow: University of Strathclyde.
Relative strangers: sibling estrangements experiences by children in out-of-home care and moving towards permanence. Children and Youth Services Review, 103 pp. 226-235
Children's social care market study final report. London: CMA
Promoting the wellbeing of children in care: messages from research. London: NSPCC.
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.
Report from the joint inquiry into children who go missing from care. [Accessed 06/02/2024].
Promoting the wellbeing of children in care: messages from research. London: NSPCC.
The educational progress of looked after children in England: linking care and educational data (PDF). Oxford: Rees Centre.

Intersectionality

Taking an intersectional approach

Children in care, like all children, have diverse identities. As well as experiencing prejudice or bias related to being in care, they might experience challenges relating to other parts of their identity, such as:

ethnicity

sexuality

gender

disability

mental health

where they live, how much money they have and how much access they have to education.

The way these challenges interact is known as intersectionality.

For example, research found that while on average care-experienced children had much more youth justice involvement than non-care-experienced children, care-experienced Black and Mixed ethnicity children had even higher levels of involvement.

It can be difficult for children to cope with this, and it can have a negative impact on their welfare.

"I'm really missing my mum at the moment. I want to see her, but she doesn't want to see me just yet. She couldn't cope with my disabilities and got angry with my autism. My foster family are supportive and always try to make sure I'm ok, but I get anxious when I try to say how I'm feeling."
Childline counselling session with a girl aged 12 > Listen to our podcast episode on intersectionality in social work practice
Learning for practitioners: understanding the child

When you're working with a child, consider all the factors that might influence their safety and wellbeing. Take the time to get to know them, understand their lived experience and how they might face risks due to how others might perceive their identity.

You could consider creating safe spaces for children who have similar identities or come from the same community. This might help them talk about their experiences and get peer support.

Find out more about:

Supporting children in care

Providing children in and on the edge of care with the support they need, when they need it, can help them to achieve their potential.

Deciding whether a child should enter care

Delays in decision-making can prolong children's experiences of abuse and neglect. This means that when they do enter care they can experience greater degrees of difficulty, and the specialist services they require are less likely to have an impact.

Our Infant and Family Teams (IFT) service helps social workers and judges decide whether a child on a care plan should stay with their birth family or enter care permanently.

The IFT bring together specialists in infant mental health and social care and works with a family over a 9- to 15-month period to help reunite the child with their family where possible or place them permanently into care if not.
> Find out more about the work of the Infant and Family Teams
Children on the edge of care

Our publication Promoting the wellbeing of children in care identifies ways to better safeguard children on the edge of care:

improving understanding of how to identify damaging situations

improving decision making about when it is in a child's best interests to enter care ensuring that decisions are well planned and taken in a timely fashion.

Achieving these aims requires:

greater use of multi-agency approaches to assessment and support for children and families on the edge of care

revised training for social workers and other practitioners to ensure an improved understanding of:

child development

the identification of risk and protective factors

parental capacity to change

improvements in undergraduate and post-qualification training to ensure that social workers and other professionals are also able to develop a better understanding of the impact of care and effective interventions

greater effort to ensure stability for children and young people on the edge of care and following their entry to care.

> Read the Promoting the wellbeing of children in care report via our library catalogue
Deciding on the right placement for the child

Every child in care has their own individual strengths and needs. To identify the right placement requires effective assessment, planning and a willingness to listen to the voice of the child and their family.

Deciding on the best available placement is key to achieving stability and permanence and can have an important impact on the outcomes for the child.

Supporting children in care

Providing a secure, caring environment can help looked after children overcome their early life experiences.

Local authorities have a statutory duty to support the children in their care and every local area should have a range of support available to meet their children's needs.

NSPCC research has identified five priorities for change to improve the emotional and mental health of looked after children.

Embed an emphasis on emotional wellbeing throughout the system. Professionals working in the care system need the skills and knowledge to understand how they can support the emotional wellbeing of looked after children and young people.

Take a proactive and preventative approach. Support for looked after children should begin with a thorough assessment of their emotional and mental health needs.

Give children and young people voice and influence. Looked after children and young people need more opportunities to identify what is important to them and influence their own care.

Support and sustain children's relationships. Children's carers require training and support to be sensitive, understanding and resilient.

Support care leavers' emotional needs. Help young people identify and strengthen their support networks.

If a child or young person needs confidential help and advice direct them to Childline. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and children can also contact Childline online or read about living in care on the Childline website. You can also download Childline posters.

Feelings of isolation and loneliness can affect any child or young person, but those in care can be particularly at susceptible. The NSPCC's Building Connections programme is an online service for young people up to the age of 19, empowering them to find a way through loneliness.
> Find out more about how Building Connections can help
Supporting the birth family

It's important for professionals to support the child's birth family, to address the problems which resulted in the child entering care. In time, many children can return home to their family but even if this is not possible their birth family are still likely to be a central part of their lives.

The quality of contact a child has with their birth family can have an impact on their wellbeing, so it's important to support children to have safe, positive contact with their birth families if it is in the child's best interests.

References

Davies, C. and Ward, H. (2012) Rahilly, T. and Hendry, E. (eds) (2014) Research in Practice (RiP) (2014) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) Safeguarding children across services: messages from research. London: Jessica Kingsley.
Promoting the wellbeing of children in care: messages from research. London: NSPCC.
Fostering and adoption: placement stability and permanence. [Accessed 20/11/2023].
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.

Children and young people leaving care

Children and young people leaving care

Returning a child home from care

For many children, returning home from care is the best possible outcome. But research shows that for others this can result in further abuse or neglect.

Many children end up back in care, and a significant number move back and forth between care and their family. Other children remain at home despite continuing abuse or neglect.

There are a number of ways to improve a child's experience of returning home from care:

Assessing the needs of the family so support can be tailored and in place before and after a child returns home.

Assessing the risks the family could pose to their child, how much they are able to change and their ability to protect their child from harm. The assessment should consider the family's history as well as the current situation.

Working with the child and their family to help strengthen their relationship.

Agreeing with the parents, in writing, what needs to happen before and after their child returns home.

Providing tailored support and services for the child and their family before and after the return home for a minimum period of 6 months (as recommended in the NSPCC Reunification Framework). This should include support from foster/residential carers, the child's school, and friends.

Returning the child home gradually, and putting in place plans for what will happen if the return is not going well.

Monitoring how the child and their family are doing.

Reunification practice framework

Our Reunification practice framework, created in partnership with University of Bristol, supports practitioners and managers to apply structured professional judgement to decisions about whether and how a child should return home from care.

The framework also helps families and workers to understand what needs to change, to set goals, access support and services and review progress.
> Find out more about the Reunification practice framework
Supporting care leavers

For some looked after children, leaving the care system can be a challenging time.

In all nations of the UK, children leaving care at 18 are entitled to support from their local authority until they are at least 21. England and Wales are governed by the Children (Leaving Care) Act 2000 and there is separate legislation for Scotland (Children and Young People (Scotland) Act 2014) and Northern Ireland (The Children (Leaving Care) Act (Northern Ireland) 2002).

For some children this will mean staying on with their foster carers. For others alternative accommodation options will be required.

Local authorities across the UK have a duty to assess and meet care leavers' individual needs and to develop a pathway plan, setting out the support that will be provided to the care leaver once they have left care. This should include making sure the care leaver has somewhere suitable to live.

In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, care leavers are also legally entitled to a personal adviser to help with the transition.

Legislation, policy and guidance

Legislation, policy and guidance

There is legislation and guidance in each nation of the UK that sets out how the child protection system works and what agencies' responsibilities are to children and families who need support.

Find out more about the child protection system in:

There is specific legislation, policy and guidance relating to children in care and care leavers.

Key legislation

England and Wales

The Children Act 1989 underpins the way the care system works in England and Wales.

The Children (Leaving Care) Act 2000 introduced new duties in England and Wales around putting in place plans to promote the wellbeing of looked after children after they cease to be in care.

The Children and Young Persons Act 2008 introduced reforms to the care system in England and Wales. These included:

making it explicit that placement with a parent is the preferred option, followed by kinship care

extending local authority duties to children leaving care, including those over 21 who return to education or training

requiring children's services to arrange for looked after children to have an independent visitor where it is considered in the child's best interests.

England

The Children and Families Act 2014 introduced a number of changes to the care system in England including:

introducing 'fostering for adoption' to allow approved adopters to foster children while they wait for court approval to adopt

setting a 26-week limit for care proceedings

establishing 'staying put' arrangements to enable young people to continue living with their foster carers if they wish until the age of 21

replacing residence and contact orders with child arrangement orders, which specify where a child is to live and who they are to spend time with.

The Children and Social Work Act 2017 introduced further reforms relating to looked after children, including:

setting out seven corporate parenting principles around local authorities' responsibilities towards looked after children

requiring local authorities to publish a 'local offer' for care leavers, and provide care leavers with a personal advisor up to the age of 25

requiring courts to consider the impact of harm on children and their current and future needs when making decisions about long term placements.

Northern Ireland

In Northern Ireland, The Children (Northern Ireland) Order 1995 sets out the duties, powers and responsibilities of local authorities regarding looked after children.

The Children (Private Arrangements for Fostering) Regulations (Northern Ireland) 1996 set out how arrangements should be made for fostering a child privately.

The Children (Leaving Care) Act (Northern Ireland) 2002 sets out Health and Social Care Trusts' responsibilities for young people leaving care, including:

the duty to assess and meet young people's individual needs

providing personal advisers and develop pathway planning for young people up to the age of 21 (or beyond if continuing in education)

The Children (Leaving Care) Regulations (Northern Ireland) 2005 provides more detail on assessing and meeting the needs of young people preparing to leave care and care leavers.

Scotland

The Foster Children (Scotland) Act 1984 sets out provisions for foster care in Scotland.

In Scotland, the Children (Scotland) Act 1995 sets out the duties, powers and responsibilities local authorities hold in respect of looked after children and care leavers.

The Looked After Children (Scotland) Regulations 2009 introduces:

provisions about care planning, fostering, kinship care and emergency measures

clarity on when a child can be classed as 'looked after' but still live with their parents.

The Children and Young People (Scotland) Act 2014 introduces reforms, including:

setting out the law on corporate parenting

the provision of aftercare to young people leaving care on or after their 16th birthday

making it clear that a young person who is looked after in foster, kinship or residential care is eligible to continuing care in their current placement until they turn 21.

Wales

The Social Services and Well-being (Wales) Act 2014 covers local authorities' duties to children in their care, and family and friends' care. It includes a requirement to support for children and young people leaving care which is equivalent to the support a non-care-experienced child might reasonably expect from their parents.

The Care Planning, Placement and Case Review (Wales) Regulations 2015 set out the responsibilities of local authorities to plan looked after children's care.

The Care Leavers (Wales) Regulations 2015 make provision about the support to be provided to young people who are no longer looked after by a local authority.

Strategy and policy

England

1. ensure strong, loving relationships for care-experienced children

2. increase the number of local, high-quality, stable and loving homes

3. strengthen and extend corporate parenting responsibilities across the public sector

4. improve education, employment and training outcomes for children in care

5. increase suitable accommodation for care leavers and reduce homelessness

6. reduce disparities in mental and physical health outcomes and improve wellbeing.

Northern Ireland

Scotland

Wales

The Programme for government 2021 to 2026 sets out the Welsh Government's current priorities, including a commitment to, "explore radical reform of current services for children looked after and care leavers". This commitment was built on in the Declaration of radical reform for children and young people's care, developed by Welsh Minsters with Young Ambassadors representing the care experienced community, which sets out the steps needed to promote the rights and wellbeing of children in care.

Key guidance

England

Statutory guidance and regulations have been issued under the Children Act 1989 including:

Northern Ireland

Scotland

Part 10 (aftercare) and Part 11 (continuing care) of the Children and Young People (Scotland) Act 2014 both have published guidance to explain the provisions.

Guidance on the Looked After Children (Scotland) Regulations 2009 and the Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act 2007 clarifies local authorities' duties.

Wales

Children missing from care guidance

Looked after children are more likely to go missing than other children and are at greater risk of harm if they do.

The guidance each of the four nations has published includes:

Care leavers guidance

With outcomes for care leavers consistently poorer than for non-care-experienced young people, all four nations in the UK provide support for care leavers.

In addition to the above key legislation and guidance, the following documents are also useful for practitioners:

Introduction

A child who has been in the care of their local authority for more than 24 hours is known as a looked after child.

Looked after children are also often referred to as children in care, a term which many children and young people prefer.
> Find out more about language and children in care in our Why language matters blog
There are many thousands of children in care in the UK and the overall numbers have been increasing over the past decade.
> Read our Children in care: statistics briefing to find out more about the range of data available
Many children in care have experienced abuse, neglect or other forms of trauma.

It's important that children in care are provided with the care and support they need to be healthy and safe, have the same opportunities as their peers and move successfully into adulthood.

Types of care

Each UK nation has a slightly different definition of a looked after child and follows its own legislation, policy and guidance. But in general, looked after children are:

living with foster parents/carers

living with friends or relatives, through kinship foster care

living in a residential children's home

living in residential settings like schools, secure units or semi-independent living accommodation.

Scotland's definition also includes children under a supervision requirement order. This means that many of the looked after children in Scotland are still living at home, but with regular contact from social services.

A child stops being 'looked after' when they are adopted, return home or turn 18. However local authorities in all the nations of the UK are required to support children leaving care at 18 until they are at least 21. This may involve them continuing to live with their foster family.

Not all children in the care of someone other than their parents have 'looked after' status. For example, they may be in private kinship care or cared for under a special guardianship order.

Private kinship care is an arrangement made directly between the parent(s) and the relative, friend or connected person, without the involvement of the local authority.

Special guardianship is when a local authority places a child or young person to live with someone other than their parent(s) on a long-term basis. It aims to provide more security than long-term fostering for children where adoption is not the best option. Special guardianship orders are not available in Scotland.

Reasons children are in care

There are a variety of reasons why children and young people enter care.

Children's services may have intervened because they felt the child was at significant risk of harm. If this is the case the child is usually the subject of a court-made legal order.

The child's parents might have agreed to this - for example, if they are too unwell to look after their child or if their child has a disability and needs respite care.

The child could have been lost, abandoned or there may be no one with parental responsibility available to care for them; as is the case for unaccompanied asylum-seeking children.

The child may have been charged with a criminal offence and temporarily placed on remand in the care of the local authority.

Impact of being a child in care

Children in care come from a range of different backgrounds and have varied experiences of care. Each child has their own different and specific sets of needs. However, research can give us an insight into how their experiences before and during care makes them a particularly vulnerable group of young people.
> Find out what data is available about looked after children in our statistics briefing
Previous experiences of abuse and other forms of trauma

Many children who enter care have been abused, neglected or experienced other forms of trauma. For example, unaccompanied asylum-seeking children have often experienced trauma in their home country or during their journey to the UK.

These experiences can leave children with complex emotional and mental health needs, which can increase their vulnerability to abuse.,

Separation and estrangement from family and friends

Relationships between family members including siblings are among many children's most enduring and significant relationships. However, contact with the care system can lead to separation and estrangement from siblings for many children., ,

Events such as moving to a new home, new area or new school can also significantly disrupt friendships and other support networks.

"I moved schools when I went into foster care, and I don't fit in at all. I've got no friends, no one will sit with me in lessons. I just spend lunchtime in the toilets crying. I don't feel like I can tell my foster carers how depressed I'm feeling, I don't want to mess this up."
Childline counselling session with a girl aged 16
Placement unsuitability and instability

There is a lack of suitable homes available for children in care. This means children sometimes end up staying in placements which are unable to meet all their needs.

Many children move repeatedly in and out of care, or between placements. Placement breakdowns can have a detrimental impact on a child's emotional wellbeing and mental health. It can also prevent them forming stable relationships with the adults who could help protect them.

Peer violence and abuse

Many children in care have previous experiences of violence, abuse or neglect. This can lead to them displaying challenging behaviour and having problems forming secure relationships. Some find it hard to develop positive peer relationships. The care system can struggle to provide effective management and interventions to address these problems.

Going missing

Children may run away from care for all sorts of reasons. These include:

wanting to return home to their family

being unhappy or bored in their care placement

feeling like they didn't have enough control over their own lives.

"I'm struggling to deal with my mum not turning up to meet-ups. Each time it happens I feel convinced I'll never see my family again. I end up having panic attacks and running away from placement to cope. Then I get punished for running. My social worker is understanding but I need better ways to cope."

Childline counselling session with a boy aged 13
Children who go missing from care are at greater risk of physical abuse, grooming and sexual exploitation.
> Find out more about protecting children from trafficking and modern slavery
Children can also go missing from care as a consequence of exploitation. Evidence suggests young people living in children's homes are sometimes specifically targeted for exploitation; and children who have been trafficked into the UK often go missing within days or weeks of being taken into care due to the ongoing power their traffickers hold over them.

Comparisons with other groups of children

Research suggests that when children in care are compared with children who have not been in care, they tend to have poorer outcomes in a number of areas such as educational attainment and mental and physical health.
> Read our briefing on what data and statistics are available about children in care
However, this is not necessarily the case when they are compared with other groups of children who are likely to have had similar experiences, such as children in need. One study, which analysed Government data, found that looked after children who were continuously in care in England had better educational attainment than children in need.

References

Demazure, G., Baeyens, C. and Pinsault, N. (2021) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) Luke, N. et al. (2014) Independent Care Review (2020) Jones, C. and Henderson, G. (2017) Jones, C., Henderson, G. and Woods, R. (2019) Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) (2022) Rahilly, T. and Hendry, E. (eds) (2014) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) All Party Parliamentary Group for Runaway and Missing Children and Adults and All Party Parliamentary Group for Looked after Children and Care Leavers (2012) Rahilly, T. and Hendry, E. (eds) (2014) Sebba, J. et al (2015) Review: unaccompanied refugee minors' perception of mental health services and professionals: a systematic review of qualitative studies. London: Child and Adolescent Mental Health.
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.
What works in preventing and treating poor mental health in looked after children? London: NSPCC.
The Promise. [Accessed 17/10/2023].
Supporting sibling relationships of children in permanent fostering and adoptive families. Glasgow: University of Strathclyde.
Relative strangers: sibling estrangements experiences by children in out-of-home care and moving towards permanence. Children and Youth Services Review, 103 pp. 226-235
Children's social care market study final report. London: CMA
Promoting the wellbeing of children in care: messages from research. London: NSPCC.
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.
Report from the joint inquiry into children who go missing from care. [Accessed 06/02/2024].
Promoting the wellbeing of children in care: messages from research. London: NSPCC.
The educational progress of looked after children in England: linking care and educational data (PDF). Oxford: Rees Centre.

Intersectionality

Taking an intersectional approach

Children in care, like all children, have diverse identities. As well as experiencing prejudice or bias related to being in care, they might experience challenges relating to other parts of their identity, such as:

ethnicity

sexuality

gender

disability

mental health

where they live, how much money they have and how much access they have to education.

The way these challenges interact is known as intersectionality.

For example, research found that while on average care-experienced children had much more youth justice involvement than non-care-experienced children, care-experienced Black and Mixed ethnicity children had even higher levels of involvement.

It can be difficult for children to cope with this, and it can have a negative impact on their welfare.

"I'm really missing my mum at the moment. I want to see her, but she doesn't want to see me just yet. She couldn't cope with my disabilities and got angry with my autism. My foster family are supportive and always try to make sure I'm ok, but I get anxious when I try to say how I'm feeling."
Childline counselling session with a girl aged 12 > Listen to our podcast episode on intersectionality in social work practice
Learning for practitioners: understanding the child

When you're working with a child, consider all the factors that might influence their safety and wellbeing. Take the time to get to know them, understand their lived experience and how they might face risks due to how others might perceive their identity.

You could consider creating safe spaces for children who have similar identities or come from the same community. This might help them talk about their experiences and get peer support.

Find out more about:

Supporting children in care

Providing children in and on the edge of care with the support they need, when they need it, can help them to achieve their potential.

Deciding whether a child should enter care

Delays in decision-making can prolong children's experiences of abuse and neglect. This means that when they do enter care they can experience greater degrees of difficulty, and the specialist services they require are less likely to have an impact.

Our Infant and Family Teams (IFT) service helps social workers and judges decide whether a child on a care plan should stay with their birth family or enter care permanently.

The IFT bring together specialists in infant mental health and social care and works with a family over a 9- to 15-month period to help reunite the child with their family where possible or place them permanently into care if not.
> Find out more about the work of the Infant and Family Teams
Children on the edge of care

Our publication Promoting the wellbeing of children in care identifies ways to better safeguard children on the edge of care:

improving understanding of how to identify damaging situations

improving decision making about when it is in a child's best interests to enter care ensuring that decisions are well planned and taken in a timely fashion.

Achieving these aims requires:

greater use of multi-agency approaches to assessment and support for children and families on the edge of care

revised training for social workers and other practitioners to ensure an improved understanding of:

child development

the identification of risk and protective factors

parental capacity to change

improvements in undergraduate and post-qualification training to ensure that social workers and other professionals are also able to develop a better understanding of the impact of care and effective interventions

greater effort to ensure stability for children and young people on the edge of care and following their entry to care.

> Read the Promoting the wellbeing of children in care report via our library catalogue
Deciding on the right placement for the child

Every child in care has their own individual strengths and needs. To identify the right placement requires effective assessment, planning and a willingness to listen to the voice of the child and their family.

Deciding on the best available placement is key to achieving stability and permanence and can have an important impact on the outcomes for the child.

Supporting children in care

Providing a secure, caring environment can help looked after children overcome their early life experiences.

Local authorities have a statutory duty to support the children in their care and every local area should have a range of support available to meet their children's needs.

NSPCC research has identified five priorities for change to improve the emotional and mental health of looked after children.

Embed an emphasis on emotional wellbeing throughout the system. Professionals working in the care system need the skills and knowledge to understand how they can support the emotional wellbeing of looked after children and young people.

Take a proactive and preventative approach. Support for looked after children should begin with a thorough assessment of their emotional and mental health needs.

Give children and young people voice and influence. Looked after children and young people need more opportunities to identify what is important to them and influence their own care.

Support and sustain children's relationships. Children's carers require training and support to be sensitive, understanding and resilient.

Support care leavers' emotional needs. Help young people identify and strengthen their support networks.

If a child or young person needs confidential help and advice direct them to Childline. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and children can also contact Childline online or read about living in care on the Childline website. You can also download Childline posters.

Feelings of isolation and loneliness can affect any child or young person, but those in care can be particularly at susceptible. The NSPCC's Building Connections programme is an online service for young people up to the age of 19, empowering them to find a way through loneliness.
> Find out more about how Building Connections can help
Supporting the birth family

It's important for professionals to support the child's birth family, to address the problems which resulted in the child entering care. In time, many children can return home to their family but even if this is not possible their birth family are still likely to be a central part of their lives.

The quality of contact a child has with their birth family can have an impact on their wellbeing, so it's important to support children to have safe, positive contact with their birth families if it is in the child's best interests.

References

Davies, C. and Ward, H. (2012) Rahilly, T. and Hendry, E. (eds) (2014) Research in Practice (RiP) (2014) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) Bazalgette, L., Rahilly, T. and Trevelyan, G. (2015) Safeguarding children across services: messages from research. London: Jessica Kingsley.
Promoting the wellbeing of children in care: messages from research. London: NSPCC.
Fostering and adoption: placement stability and permanence. [Accessed 20/11/2023].
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.
Achieving emotional wellbeing for looked after children: a whole system approach. [London]: NSPCC.

Children and young people leaving care

Children and young people leaving care

Returning a child home from care

For many children, returning home from care is the best possible outcome. But research shows that for others this can result in further abuse or neglect.

Many children end up back in care, and a significant number move back and forth between care and their family. Other children remain at home despite continuing abuse or neglect.

There are a number of ways to improve a child's experience of returning home from care:

Assessing the needs of the family so support can be tailored and in place before and after a child returns home.

Assessing the risks the family could pose to their child, how much they are able to change and their ability to protect their child from harm. The assessment should consider the family's history as well as the current situation.

Working with the child and their family to help strengthen their relationship.

Agreeing with the parents, in writing, what needs to happen before and after their child returns home.

Providing tailored support and services for the child and their family before and after the return home for a minimum period of 6 months (as recommended in the NSPCC Reunification Framework). This should include support from foster/residential carers, the child's school, and friends.

Returning the child home gradually, and putting in place plans for what will happen if the return is not going well.

Monitoring how the child and their family are doing.

Reunification practice framework

Our Reunification practice framework, created in partnership with University of Bristol, supports practitioners and managers to apply structured professional judgement to decisions about whether and how a child should return home from care.

The framework also helps families and workers to understand what needs to change, to set goals, access support and services and review progress.
> Find out more about the Reunification practice framework
Supporting care leavers

For some looked after children, leaving the care system can be a challenging time.

In all nations of the UK, children leaving care at 18 are entitled to support from their local authority until they are at least 21. England and Wales are governed by the Children (Leaving Care) Act 2000 and there is separate legislation for Scotland (Children and Young People (Scotland) Act 2014) and Northern Ireland (The Children (Leaving Care) Act (Northern Ireland) 2002).

For some children this will mean staying on with their foster carers. For others alternative accommodation options will be required.

Local authorities across the UK have a duty to assess and meet care leavers' individual needs and to develop a pathway plan, setting out the support that will be provided to the care leaver once they have left care. This should include making sure the care leaver has somewhere suitable to live.

In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, care leavers are also legally entitled to a personal adviser to help with the transition.

Legislation, policy and guidance

Legislation, policy and guidance

There is legislation and guidance in each nation of the UK that sets out how the child protection system works and what agencies' responsibilities are to children and families who need support.

Find out more about the child protection system in:

There is specific legislation, policy and guidance relating to children in care and care leavers.

Key legislation

England and Wales

The Children Act 1989 underpins the way the care system works in England and Wales.

The Children (Leaving Care) Act 2000 introduced new duties in England and Wales around putting in place plans to promote the wellbeing of looked after children after they cease to be in care.

The Children and Young Persons Act 2008 introduced reforms to the care system in England and Wales. These included:

making it explicit that placement with a parent is the preferred option, followed by kinship care

extending local authority duties to children leaving care, including those over 21 who return to education or training

requiring children's services to arrange for looked after children to have an independent visitor where it is considered in the child's best interests.

England

The Children and Families Act 2014 introduced a number of changes to the care system in England including:

introducing 'fostering for adoption' to allow approved adopters to foster children while they wait for court approval to adopt

setting a 26-week limit for care proceedings

establishing 'staying put' arrangements to enable young people to continue living with their foster carers if they wish until the age of 21

replacing residence and contact orders with child arrangement orders, which specify where a child is to live and who they are to spend time with.

The Children and Social Work Act 2017 introduced further reforms relating to looked after children, including:

setting out seven corporate parenting principles around local authorities' responsibilities towards looked after children

requiring local authorities to publish a 'local offer' for care leavers, and provide care leavers with a personal advisor up to the age of 25

requiring courts to consider the impact of harm on children and their current and future needs when making decisions about long term placements.

Northern Ireland

In Northern Ireland, The Children (Northern Ireland) Order 1995 sets out the duties, powers and responsibilities of local authorities regarding looked after children.

The Children (Private Arrangements for Fostering) Regulations (Northern Ireland) 1996 set out how arrangements should be made for fostering a child privately.

The Children (Leaving Care) Act (Northern Ireland) 2002 sets out Health and Social Care Trusts' responsibilities for young people leaving care, including:

the duty to assess and meet young people's individual needs

providing personal advisers and develop pathway planning for young people up to the age of 21 (or beyond if continuing in education)

The Children (Leaving Care) Regulations (Northern Ireland) 2005 provides more detail on assessing and meeting the needs of young people preparing to leave care and care leavers.

Scotland

The Foster Children (Scotland) Act 1984 sets out provisions for foster care in Scotland.

In Scotland, the Children (Scotland) Act 1995 sets out the duties, powers and responsibilities local authorities hold in respect of looked after children and care leavers.

The Looked After Children (Scotland) Regulations 2009 introduces:

provisions about care planning, fostering, kinship care and emergency measures

clarity on when a child can be classed as 'looked after' but still live with their parents.

The Children and Young People (Scotland) Act 2014 introduces reforms, including:

setting out the law on corporate parenting

the provision of aftercare to young people leaving care on or after their 16th birthday

making it clear that a young person who is looked after in foster, kinship or residential care is eligible to continuing care in their current placement until they turn 21.

Wales

The Social Services and Well-being (Wales) Act 2014 covers local authorities' duties to children in their care, and family and friends' care. It includes a requirement to support for children and young people leaving care which is equivalent to the support a non-care-experienced child might reasonably expect from their parents.

The Care Planning, Placement and Case Review (Wales) Regulations 2015 set out the responsibilities of local authorities to plan looked after children's care.

The Care Leavers (Wales) Regulations 2015 make provision about the support to be provided to young people who are no longer looked after by a local authority.

Strategy and policy

England

1. ensure strong, loving relationships for care-experienced children

2. increase the number of local, high-quality, stable and loving homes

3. strengthen and extend corporate parenting responsibilities across the public sector

4. improve education, employment and training outcomes for children in care

5. increase suitable accommodation for care leavers and reduce homelessness

6. reduce disparities in mental and physical health outcomes and improve wellbeing.

Northern Ireland

Scotland

Wales

The Programme for government 2021 to 2026 sets out the Welsh Government's current priorities, including a commitment to, "explore radical reform of current services for children looked after and care leavers". This commitment was built on in the Declaration of radical reform for children and young people's care, developed by Welsh Minsters with Young Ambassadors representing the care experienced community, which sets out the steps needed to promote the rights and wellbeing of children in care.

Key guidance

England

Statutory guidance and regulations have been issued under the Children Act 1989 including:

Northern Ireland

Scotland

Part 10 (aftercare) and Part 11 (continuing care) of the Children and Young People (Scotland) Act 2014 both have published guidance to explain the provisions.

Guidance on the Looked After Children (Scotland) Regulations 2009 and the Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act 2007 clarifies local authorities' duties.

Wales

Children missing from care guidance

Looked after children are more likely to go missing than other children and are at greater risk of harm if they do.

The guidance each of the four nations has published includes:

Care leavers guidance

With outcomes for care leavers consistently poorer than for non-care-experienced young people, all four nations in the UK provide support for care leavers.

In addition to the above key legislation and guidance, the following documents are also useful for practitioners:

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Sets out who looked after children are, why they may need additional help, and ways to provide them with the support they need.

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Children in care | Children’s Commissioner for England

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Supporting the wellbeing and aspirations of children in care, and supporting care leavers to achieve their full potential.

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Options

Assessment

Assessments of special guardianship and adoptive families involve carers, parents and children being seen by two clinicians in individual and joint sessions. These assessments are multi disciplinary (the clinicians being from different training backgrounds and/or being supported and supervised by the multidisciplinary team).

Assessments e xplore the child's attachment experience s and current relationships. These can include use of specialist assessment tools such as story stem assessments (for children aged 4-9), or Child Attachment Interview, which give the clinicians, carers , parents and relevant members of the network detailed information about the child's attachment patterns and can inform therapy plans and approaches.

Clinical psychologists in the team can undertake assessment of children and young people's cognitive functioning if a possible learning difficulty or disability is identified.

We recommend that if a child or young person is seriously self-harming or experiencing suicidal thoughts that might put them at risk, their needs will be more safely met within a CAMHS setting where there is psychiatric oversight . We may therefore r edirect enquiries that include these concerns to local NHS services.

Packages of therapy are recommended based on the needs identified in specialist assessments. This almost always includes carers/parents, as well as children and young people. Therapy is influenced by mentalization based approaches and can include:

Until the end of the financial year 2021 to 2022 , the A doption Support Fund (ASF) cover up to £ 2,500 per child per year for specialist assessment . To make an application for ASF, please speak with your allocated Social Worker who will be able to make the application on your behalf. The majority of applications to the fund fall within these limits. In exceptional cases, where there is an urgent need for higher cost support, LAs or RAAs are asked to match-fund applications.

To make a referral, please complete our online referral form: https://forms.office.com/r/vt3WA2t811.

We accept referrals directly from parents, or through a third party such as healthcare professionals, social workers, or GPs (family doctors).

Therapy (family therapy, play therapy, psychotherapy)

The Family Trauma team offers the following specialisms and interventions to work with these families:

The cost per appointment for therapeutic work in the Family Trauma team is £150 per appointment.

To make a referral, please complete our online referral form: https://forms.office.com/r/vt3WA2t811.

We accept referrals directly from parents, or through a third party such as healthcare professionals, social workers, or GPs (family doctors).

Mentalization Based Treatments for Children (MBT-C) in collaboration with ChAPTRe

Mentalization Based Treatment with Children ( MBT-C may also suitable for children with traumatic experiences or children who have experienced loss.

'Mentalisation' is a psychological term that refers to the ability to recognise and understand our own thoughts, feelings, intentions and behaviours, those of others, and the interaction between the two. Children with a high capacity to mentalise are generally better able to manage their feelings and behaviour. The aim of MBT-C is to:

Help carers develop further their child's mentalising capacity

Therapeutic work takes place with the whole family together, with child individually (through play, art and talking) and with the child's carers individually. Pa

We have found MBT-C to be a particularly helpful approach when working with children who have experienced early relational trauma and who are having difficulties post-adoption. T he flexibility of the approach, the focus on emotion regulation and attachment , the support that is put in place for the parent, and the way the therapy with the child can use play, making it less dependent on verbal exchanges where children find this difficult, all make it a particularly good 'fit' for this group. Within the Family Trauma Team we offer MBT-C following an initial assessment , where both the family and clinician agree that i t would be of benefit.

Until the end of the financial year 2021 to 2022 the ASF will have 2 fair access limits:

The majority of applications to the fund fall within these limits. In exceptional cases, where there is an urgent need for higher cost support, LAs or RAAs are asked to match-fund applications.

To make a referral, please complete our online referral form: https://forms.office.com/r/vt3WA2t811.

We accept referrals directly from parents, or through a third party such as healthcare professionals, social workers, or GPs (family doctors).

Nurturing Change: a national therapeutic service

Nurturing Change is a national therapeutic service offering specialist support to foster and kinship carers, adoptive parents and special guardians and their children between 0-6 years.

Nurturing Change is particularly suitable for young children who have had a difficult start in life, to prevent the emergence of more serious difficulties.

We support foster and kinship carers, adoptive parents and special guardians where:

The child is aged between 0-6 years

The parent or carer and child live anywhere in the UK

The child is living with the parent or carer

The child has been living with this parent or carer for any amount of time

The person(s) with parental responsibility is aware of and agrees to the referral

For more details, please visit Nurturing Change.

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Special guardianship and adoption | Anna Freud Centre

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The team has developed expertise in mentalization-based work with children and families affected by developmental trauma. Our work with adoptive and special guardianship families involves parents/carers as well as children and young people and whole families as we aim to improve the child's experience in their relationships with parents and carers, as well as in their wider families and schools.

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Information from Hampshire County Council

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Information from Hampshire County Council

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Counselling is a type of ''talking therapy'' and sometimes the term is used to refer to talking therapies in general.

Counselling allows a person to talk openly in a safe and confidential environment. Counsellors are trained to listen and help people to deal with negative thoughts, feelings, challenges and problems.

Counsellors can help with a range of issues including anxiety, depression, bereavement, self-esteem, relationships and life changes.

For parents and carers, it can be an opportunity to talk through their feelings related to their child's diagnosis, concerns for the future or a time to discuss ways through challenging situations.

For young people, counselling can give them a safe time to talk through things that are worrying them, how they feel about their diagnosis or perhaps even help them to make sense of the challenges that they may face in their lives.

Families may find that counselling allows them space to think about possible solutions, resolutions or ways of working together when challenges arise.

Different types of counselling are often given different names and this can be a little confusing.

Counselling can work in a range of different ways so the therapist should work to find a method that suits the client and makes the sessions beneficial.

Some therapists are trained in more than one method, so might combine these during the sessions.

You may hear terms such as ''Cognitive Behavioural Therapies'' (CBT), ''Mindfulness'' and ''Life Coaching'' mentioned when talking about ways in which counsellors work - there is more information on these and other talking therapies here

A young person's school/college or your GP should be able to help you access counselling services in your local area or you might want to search for counsellors yourself.

Many GP surgeries provide talking therapies but if yours doesn't then the GP may refer you to a local service. This factsheet on mental health issues looks at the services that are available across Hampshire.

Additionally, your GP might refer a young person to the local CAMHS service if they offer counselling, and might put carers in touch with a local carers' organisation if there is one. It is also possible to self-refer to CAMHS if you felt that your son/daughter may benefit from their support.

Some schools have therapists working alongside the teaching staff and often sessions take place in familiar surroundings, making some young people feel more at ease.

For some young people technology can provide an alternative way of accessing counselling/ therapy as they may find it easier to talk to someone on a website or through an app.

Before using any online service it is important that parents/ carers are able to check out the site and the qualifications of the counsellors.

Young Minds have a dedicated area, on their website, for young people. There is a lot of information about feelings and emotions as well as the chance to read about other people's journeys.

The Mix aims to take on the embarrassing problems, weird questions, and please-don't-make-me-say-it-out-loud thoughts that people under 25 have in order to give them the best support through digital and phone services.

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BCAP) has an excellent website that provides lots of information on types of therapy, how to access support and what happens at a therapy session.

The first counselling session will probably focus on finding out what you want to work through, what you would like to achieve from the sessions and the way that the therapist works. The therapist might suggest different methods that may be helpful.

You will be given time to ask questions.

Counselling sessions are built upon a relationship of trust between the client and counsellor. They are not there to judge the young person/carer or their family but simply to help them work through their concerns and create a plan for moving forward.

It is important that the client feels comfortable with the counsellor as this will allow the sessions to be as successful as possible.

The following websites can help with finding therapists in your local area:

Counselling Directory was set up by a team who know how difficult it can be to find support. Through their own experiences of mental health issues, they have learnt how important having relevant information is and how the right support can help transform lives. Their team is passionate about counselling and we want to promote the huge benefits talk therapy can have. Their website is a confidential service that encourages those in need to seek help and to connect individuals with qualified counsellors in the UK. The site contains information on the common reasons people turn to counselling, as well as articles, news, and events.

The Hampshire Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (HACP) aims to put people and Counsellors / Psychotherapists in touch with each other.

There are a number of helpful links on the right of this page, which includes organisations that mightbe helpful for you:

Young Minds is the UK's leading charity committed to improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people.

Relate - the UK's largest provider of relationship support

Youth Access - YIACS provide a holistic response to young people's social, emotional and mental health needs through a range of services provided 'under one roof', including social welfare advice, advocacy, counselling, health clinics, community education and personal support.

Off the Record - a free, confidential and friendly service, offering information, support and counselling for young people in South Hampshire.

CAMHS - Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service Hampshire

italk is a FREE service for people suffering from depression and anxiety

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Counselling | Family Information and Services Hub

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Some young people with additional needs and/or their families find that speaking to someone about their concerns or how they are feeling can be extremely helpful. Trained counsellors can help people to talk about their experiences and hopefully start to make sense of them. They can also help to find…

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Counselling is an opportunity to talk to someone in confidence, about anything that is worrying you. This could be about home life, school, college, relationships or just about how you are feeling about yourself.

It's for when you have things going on in your life that you find hard to talk about with people who are close to you.
Counselling is an appointment with the same counsellor every week, who will listen to you and help you explore how you are feeling. You decide if you would like counselling and how long you would like counselling for.
Our trained counsellors are friendly and welcoming and won't make judgements about you or your problems. Your counsellor will never tell you what to do.

We want to make sure our service is excellent and meets the needs of the children and young people who use it.

We ask for feedback from both children and young people, and from professionals. We review all the feedback we receive so that we can ensure that our service is continually improving, relevant and giving you what you need.

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Counselling is an opportunity to talk to someone in confidence, about anything that is worrying you. This could be about home life, school, college, relationships or just about how you are feeling about yourself. It's for when you have things going on in your life that you find hard to talk about with people who are close to you.